The most remembered day of my life.

AFRAID OF LOSING HER

THE MOST LOVED
ONE

I remembered but I do not want to face it
twice.

PUTERI 'ALIEYA WAFI BINTI SULAIMAN

“Ting!” my phone sounds indicate the incoming message. It
was a busy tiring day, I was in a crowded place waiting on my
turn for a checkup, so I did not take any concern about the
notification appearing. But as soon I read the message, my
jaw dropped, my heart stopped. Everything started when my
sister got home from work half-day earlier in suspense. My
family started to be chaotic and here I still did not have any
idea what is going on. It is all answered when I saw my sister
called the Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia employee, to
report a covid case. I was very shocked to hear my sister say,
“I am the one who got the positive result”.

Even if my sister just did the Rapid Test Kit (RTK) that did
not give the 100 percent accurate result, but it is still worrying
as the rest of my family members got a severe fever for about
a week, which was one of the Covid-19 symptoms. What was
more worrying was that we all lost our sense of smell, also
called anosmia. The employee told my sister to attend a
Polymerase Chain Reaction (PCR) appointment for the real
result. Starting from we all got the fever, my mother slowly
loss her appetite and goes weaker and weaker from day to
day. She did not want to eat even if we force her to. I even
cooked for her, but the food was untouched. We all got very
apprehensive and ask her permission to call the ambulance
for her treatment, but she will refuse every time. But one day
we cannot take it anymore.

At midnight, I woke up from sleep by the mumbling sounds in
my room. I saw my sister settling my mother as she got diarrhea
while she was sleeping. She was very weak that she cannot
even wear her clothes. Sun raised so I tell my aunties about
that. They immediately called for an ambulance, did not care if
my mother does not want to. At the moment, my mother's life is
the priority. The time flies slowly, every minute felt like an hour.
We panickily waiting for the ambulance, it was already fifteen
minutes, but I still cannot hear the ambulance roar. Speedily, we
took our mom to the ambulance, and they checked for my
mother's oxygen level. The oxygen level turned out to be only
80% while a normal person should have between 95% to 100%.
We were so worried, but we were glad that finally she was taken
to hospital.

I sat outside alone looking at the backyard’s sceneries, I
miss my mother already. I hold my tears as I did not want my
aunties and siblings to be worried. But suddenly my aunty came
for me, and tell me, “Your sister got positive for PCR test”. The
words made my tears burst out. I cannot hold it anymore when
my mother was carried to the hospital and this horrible news
appeared. My sister has been taken to the quarantine center
while the rest of my family needs to get the PCR test. As
expected, we all got positive, except for my first aunty and
grandfather who were fully vaccinated. My grandmother got
positive but luckily, she already got her first dose vaccine which
decrease the effect of this virus. But still, my aunty sent her to
hospital for any following treatment.

The day we need to go to the quarantine center, I keep crying
thinking about my mother’s condition. I tried hard to stop and
strengthen myself up as I need to face people out there. The
process was so tiring that I need to do check-ups at five
different counters and continue waiting for the bus to take us
to the quarantine center. While waiting for the bus, I was
having a stomachache for not taking breakfast in the morning,
as I lost my appetite with some tears. But suddenly I heard a
constant notifications sound on my mobile phone. I did not
mind as the surroundings keep stressing me out while I was
having the stomachache. In the time I was busy closing my
eyes to relax, my aunty told me, “Did you read the
message?”. I instantly check out the notification, and as soon
as I saw it, the world stopped for a while. I did not know how
to feel, should I be angry or sad or just be depressed. I was
already in the horrendous condition where my family was
positive of Covid-19, I was having stomachache in these
unpleasant surroundings, and this one is the worst which it
was the thing I do not want to hear the most. I cannot hold it
anymore, I felt like everything pushing me up.

“Mom got intubated,” said my brother in my family group.
My eyes got glassy, not until the tears fall continuously. The
most thing that I scared of is losing my one and only mother. I
never think of losing her. I cannot accept my most loved one
who did not even have any disease, was unconsciously laying
down for intubated purposes. I saw my aunty cry too and the
more I cannot hold myself. The thoughts levitated in my head.
“What if my mom cannot survive? How do I want to go through
this quarantine time? How do I live without her?”. Thinking
about them made me cry my eyes out more. My shirt was full of
tears when I kept wiping them. I keep crying until the doctor
called for our name for the trip to the quarantine center. Slowly I
walked onto the bus and cried again. Intubation is the last
phase of Covid-19 patients’ treatment, and that is why I cannot
be relaxed.

I survived my quarantine journey with sorrowful
feelings. Even in this condition, I will never stop putting my trust
in faith. Every time I pray for her, I recite prayers for her, and I
follow every new update of her, from my brother. I always
waiting for the good revelation as I thought a single piece of
news about her getting better threw up half of my worries away.
After all, it was 3 months ago. My prayers got paid. She is now
fully recovered. She woke up the day I got the notice that I
passed the interview for Institut Pendidikan Guru (IPG), fulfilling
my dream to become a teacher. She got so excited when I told
her about that. Her recovery flows went well, and I was so glad
that I could have this second chance, having her by my side.

From that day, I will always remember to make her
happy and I will appreciate everything about her. If she was
not here, I do not know what will be going on with my future
as I keep losing hope in life. Never make your loved one
sad because you can lose them at any time. That shows
how you cannot avoid taking a check-up because it will get
your health getting worse. Starting from the day, she told us
that she regrets her action and will tell us every time she
does not feel right with her health. Health is something that
you need to take seriously, or you will regret it once you are
late. We also take further steps on decreasing the risk of
being infected. Covid-19 is something you cannot mess
with. The day my mother got intubated is remains to be the
most remembered day of my life. Every time I think about it,
it will never fail to make me cry. It was three months ago but
I can vividly remember it because the pain always leaves a
scar. It is something I remembered but I wish I never face it
twice.

The End

References