Mundane to Miraculous REV. 9.3.09

Author: Sonja Brown
Book Title: The Gift of Letting Go
Section: Forgive Yourself
Story Title: “Going from the Mundane to the Miraculous!”
Word Count: 1874

“Going from the Mundane to the Miraculous!”

It all started out like any other road trip home. I awoke before sunrise – coaxed my sleepy mind
to go through its proverbial checklist to see if I had forgotten to pack anything, then made my
way quietly out the door and into my car. I took a moment to still my heart before I pulled out of
the drive, prayed for protection and that the Holy Spirit would go before me to make this an
uncommon time of connecting with my family.

Trips home had not always been the most enjoyable or eventful for me. Our family was more of
a “mini-series” family; always so much drama…sometimes frightfully embarrassing. Often the
reasons for my restlessness were because I invariably knew somewhere in the event of a short 4-
5 day span, someone would surface a conversation that kept the memories of our generational
abnormalities very front and center, alive and well. I just didn’t know if I had the strength or
grace to deal with another holiday that was defined by the past, rather than focused on the
future.

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The past – that was the culprit. Old mistakes, old mindsets, old reactions. Why couldn’t we just
put a nail in the coffin of our family dysfunctions?! I found that certain dialogue escalated my
uncomfortable ness which then led to a slow burn of aggravation. The blame was not directed
toward anyone in particular, but rather just a reflection of my lack of real freedom of self-
forgiveness. Over the years, my Christian life had become very busy; full of bustling activity,
schedules to keep and events to attend. Tragically, because of broken focus, my heart had grown
dull and somewhat passionless. My world became opaque; everything viewed through a cloudy
lens. No clarity, little vitality; very jaded. Through this barren season, I was in a dangerous place
of vulnerability. I had deeply compromised some of my core values, which degraded into carnal
living, self-centeredness and a painful absence of God’s felt presence. The consequences of my
actions led to so much unrest and condemnation, that I felt it difficult at best to truly and
completely forgive myself, even over the slightest errors of judgment. This was no longer a case
of a fleeting thought of unworthiness, but had escalated into a full blown spiritual assignment
over my life; a low lying black cloud of condemnation. During that time, when I was among
family, I felt a certain tension between an “obligation” to listen and be empathetic, while at the
same time, wanting to distance myself from any shame-based person or environment, (of which
home had become). What was working in my heart that forcefully hindered and disengaged me
from truly expressing my freedom and who God made me to be?

As the musings surfaced (like they usually did) during the 10-hour drive from Oklahoma to
Tennessee, I had no idea that in God’s perfect wisdom, a glorious intrusion was scheduled to
arrive right on time to confront my wrong thinking, skewed perceptions and damaged emotions.

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I was getting ready to make a quantum leap from the mundane to the miraculous!

As I was about five hours into my due east journey, I was listening to a tape by Joyce Meyer,
called Beauty to Ashes. At a significant place, she enthusiastically quoted II Corinthians
5:19…” that God was in Christ reconciling us to Himself, not holding our trespasses against us.”
In a split second of time, a tsunami wave of revelation crashed in upon by heart! “God was in
Christ, not holding my trespasses against me!” In that small moment of time, a shining key to
my desperate heart was placed into a rusty lock and I experienced the empowerment of God to
forgive myself and to be released of all of the debilitating emotions of shame, fear, guilt and
condemnation.

The Holy Spirit swept over my soul and it was as if the lightnings of God jolted me from a deep
and impenetrable sleep. It was like I had drifted into a haze somewhere in the cornfields of
Kansas and awakened on the 4th of July in Times Square! All of a sudden, the sheer force of
God’s love was shed abroad in my heart and I walked into the fiery furnace of Mercy – I WAS
FORGIVEN!

I had experienced forgiveness many times, but not anything like this. I didn’t realize how buried
my insecurities were and how masterfully the residue of past mistakes had been concealed. It
takes an act of grace – sovereign, holy grace to dismantle the house of lies that keeps one utterly
repressed and living in the caves of fear and regret. Being honest is risky business, but through
God’s calm, holy pressure, I was being nudged towards that reality!

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In my life, whatever accumulated mistakes and wrongs I had committed truly had been forgiven
the moment I confessed and forsook them, however, the residue of the wrongs were frequently
stealing my joy and robbing my strength. So often, the results of sin carry a toxic level of shame,
quilt and condemnation. Most people do not feel comfortable unearthing and disclosing their
shortcomings because of the perceived fear of being judged, misunderstood or rejected.

I had always read in Matthew 18:21-22, that Jesus wanted us to forgive 70 x 7 or 490 times.
Certainly the numerical value wasn’t the point, but the principle of extreme forgiveness; a
measure and depth of forgiveness that can only happen through God’s power! The weight of this
did not really register with me, until I began to apply it personally. I saw that not only was
forgiveness directed towards others in multiple offenses, but many times, we need to forgive 490
times for the same offense within yourself! Why is that? I believe that layers of self-imposed
unforgivenss can lodge deeply and through the power of God, this “forgiveness of another kind”
is the only virtue that can set a captive heart free! Anyone that wants to live in harmony with
the Kingdom of God will discover that forgiving oneself is a process, and an emotionally costly
struggle. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned on my journey is to be quick to come to faith
in knowing that Jesus understood the depth of extreme forgiveness when He drank the bitter cup
of all my personal mistakes, sins, failures and transgressions. The enemy of God’s cross and our
souls is crafty and destructive, that’s why it is so important to understand what is meant by the
power and beauty of this wonderful passage in II Corinthians 5:19.

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So here I am at 75 mph, through the mixture of joy and tears, finding myself “gushing”, better
than articulating what my heart wanted to express – extreme thankfulness, Kingdom-sized
gratefulness and exceeding praise to the Shepherd of my soul! Truly there was a healing balm in
Gilead! My heart-cry quickly evolved from a deep groan, much like that of a prisoner that’s just
been liberated, to a deafening, overcomes shout. I was in “awe”! The Psalmist said it this
way…”I have escaped like a bird out of the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we
have escaped.” (Ps. 124:7 NIV)

As I reveled in this newly found dimension of forgiveness, God was showing me that in order to
come fully alive, I had to “let down” and “let go”. Let down my pretenses and let go of others
opinions and perceptions of me and fix my gaze on the Lord’s outrageous, irrational, extravagant
love. Love that redeems. Love that restores. Love that empowers you to forgive yourself! Do
you find it amazing how we grow at all in the Kingdom of God without this breath taking view
of forgiveness? I had labored so long under a low-grade fever of disingenuous, I had really
gotten quite out of touch with who I was recreated to be. As I flew closer to the “flame” of
God’s reconciling presence, the veneer of keeping up appearances began to melt like wax. He
alone, not my behavior modification was the perfect answer to my misdirected and imperfect
life.

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As the salty tears continued to stream down my face, I was now hundreds of miles closer to my
destination. My prayer had availed…”Holy Spirit, make this an uncommon time of life, love and
laugher!” My heart was open wide to see what the Lord wanted to do. As I pulled into the
driveway of my sister’s home, I felt a stone of resistance had been rolled away. Perfect love had
done its perfect work – casting out every trace of fear, hesitation and doubt. I knew God’s
miraculous nature would be welcomed here!

Bags in hand, I gently shouldered open the large red door. When I crossed that threshold and
reached out to my sister, I felt as if the arms of God had come from behind. Secure. Comforting.
Towering far above. The Red Sea had parted and I was walking across on dry ground – what an
Exodus! The compelling, tangible love of Jesus walked into that room and we were transported
from one realm to another! People sense forgiveness-freedom and want to be close to it! And
that’s how the next few days unfolded. We stuck close, laughed hard and shared “stuff” – just
like it’s supposed to be. Just to clarify, there was nothing really at “odds” between my family and
me. The problem was on my end. I had just learned to guard my heart so carefully as to not allow
anyone to see any of my pains or struggles that had accumulated through the years. You can’t
really be transparent or authentic when those types of toxic emotions are mastering you.

I needed a new grid; a new frame of reference, where all of life’s experiences could be pressed
through. Pure, radiant forgiveness had become the catalyst for the creation of my new beginning.
I had a new wineskin and could now hold all the new experiences that were part of my eternal
destiny.

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I’m still amazed at how impacting one “in the moment” word from God had become. That long
stretch of road on a cold December morning was transformed into a springtime highway of
healing and deliverance. Through the inexhaustible love of Christ, I had been empowered to
forgive myself and move away from the flatlands of colorless living.
If you have been agonizing under the burden of not being able to forgive yourself, know that
there is One who is fully committed to silence every tongue that comes against you in judgment!
The Lord wants to restore your sense of beauty before Him and turn your mourning into dancing!
There is no mistake or failure that’s beyond his grace-filled infinite grasp. When you forgive
yourself, you’ve chosen sanctuary over sorrow, healing over heartache, and have joined the
company of the devoted, whose life tribute is…” to whom much is forgiven, much loves”.
(Luke 7:47)
I’m forgiven – now I have a reason for living…and so do you!

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