Thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the ...

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 51
us all. A struggle poignantly captured by Hermann Hesse in the epigraph to his novel Demian:
“All   I   really   wanted   was   to   try   and   live   the   life   that   was   spontaneously   welling   up   within   me.    
Why  was  that  so  very  difficult?” (1919/2000, p. 1).

When considering this oddity of our human nature and the courage with which it was met
by the women in the group, I   can’t   help   but   think   of   Stephen   Batchelor   as   he   speaks   of   the  
“sublime   beauty   of   the   world; that which is simultaneously both fascinating and terrifying”  
(Batchelor & Halifax, 2013). Perhaps this phrase also suggests that mysterious quality of life
which is capable of holding both happiness and sadness at the same time. Making it appear
forever perilous to reveal too much of ourselves, and so to expose both our uncertainty and our
heartsickness. For me, nothing captures this living paradox more vividly than some words of
Milan Kundera at the end of his novel The Unbearable Lightness of Being:

On they danced to the strains of the piano and violin. Tereza leaned her head on
Tomas’s  shoulder. Just as she had when they flew together in the airplane through the
storm clouds. She was experiencing the same odd happiness and odd sadness as then.
The sadness meant: we are at the last station. The happiness meant: we are together.
The sadness was form, the happiness content. Happiness filled the space of sadness
(1984, pp. 313 - 314).
To finally recognize the ever-present possibility of experiencing joy, peace, and gratitude in the
context of our precarious lives; to find love and intimacy worthwhile ventures in the face of
inevitable separation, loss, and death; to embrace the deep happiness that is made all the more
precious because of the unreliability and unsatisfactoriness of its container; perhaps this is the
greatest of all awakenings.
And so it appears that our small group, engaged over seven weeks in a process of
meditative contemplation of meaningful stories, unguarded sharing, and mutual support, was

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 52
somehow able to more deeply enter the flow of a perennial conversation that is common to,
vitally important to, and yet simultaneously disquieting to and easily lost track of by, all of
humanity. As such, and to   the   extent   that   Ware’s   assessment   of   “the   phenomenal   clarity   of  
vision  that  people  gain  at  the  end  of  their  lives”  and the deep wisdom they have to share with us
as a result (Steiner, 2012) is accurate, it seems not too great of an exaggeration to call such
revelations   ‘sacred’. In sum, it is my hope that all of us in the group, as a result of our time
together, have come to experience our lives just a little bit more like Susan did when she was
inspired to write, “I   can   feel   life   surrounding   me,   real   life,   not   manufactured   by our modern
world”  (Appendix  H).
5 Narrative Contemplation and Practical Chaplaincy – Identifying General Principles

Much of the material that makes up the earlier parts of this thesis, in particular the
literature review in Sec. 2, is philosophically oriented; the motivation in large part being (i) to
provide a point of reference and some sense of orientation in a field that is both vast and subtle,
and (ii) to lay a foundation for future research, study, and application. While great deal of merit
can be found in such investigations, which often lead to new ways of viewing previously
unquestioned assumptions, and consequently, to novel approaches to well-known problems, such
analyses by themselves are of limited practical utility. Thus, in an effort to distill some simple,
useful, and widely applicable principles to serve chaplains interested in directly employing
narrative contemplation as a healing tool, I will in this section elaborate more thoroughly upon
the format used in the pilot project; always with an eye toward determining how its structure may
have helped facilitate the deepening of the participants’ inquiries. For the sake of clarity, these
observations will be loosely organized into four categories (permission, autonomy, perspective,
and validation) that, in hindsight, I see as roughly correlating with the four stages encountered in
the workshop as outlined above (formulating intention and vision, immersion, interpretation, and

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 53
creative expression). It is my hope that the procedures and principles highlighted in this closing
section will provide chaplains with an entry point to working with narrative that is both general
enough  to  be  useful  in  many  different  areas  of  service,  and  flexible  enough  to  be  tailored  to  one’s  
specific situation and needs. Finally, I will conclude this work by offering a few preliminary
thoughts about specific directions for future research on the application of narrative
contemplation in the field of elder care.

5.1 Unpacking the Format of the Workshop
5.1.1 Permission
I began our first meeting by inviting the participants not to immediately choose a
narrative with which to work, but rather to start by considering what they each valued, honored
or appreciated most in life. As an aid to the inquiry, I offered up some questions during a period
of guided meditation that I felt might help clarify this part of the process, such  as:    “How do you
go about nurturing those elements of your life that you hold most dear as you go about your
day?”,  “How often and how easily do you lose track of the aspects of life that you feel give it
meaning and purpose?”,  and  “What  would  your  life  look like if you could find a way to remain
in closer contact with your most cherished motivations and aspirations?” Only after touching in
with these deeper strains of being were the women taking part in the workshop encouraged to
consider questions such as  “What   are  some  of  the  stories   you  continually  tell   about   yourself?”
and “How  do  they  accord  with  your  aspirations  and  values?”, and then to see if any stories came
to mind that seemed particularly relevant, inspiring, or enlivening.
Broadening the inquiry further, everyone was next asked to think back to some of the
challenges they had faced and overcome in their lives, or that they might imagine having to face
in the future, and to try to bring to mind any stories that they see as being helpful in difficult
times. Finally, stressing as best I could that there are no correct or final answers to these

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 54
questions, I asked each person in the group to see if they could identify one meaningful narrative
that seemed appropriate to work with for the duration of the workshop.

Surprisingly, when I look back on this part of the pilot project, the sense I get is that
everyone was involved in a process that might best be described as a tentative granting of, and
accepting of, permission of one sort or another. Although this process unfolded in a different
way for each of the participants, in each case it was instigated by that initial invitation to choose
a narrative with which to work. Some struggled to give themselves permission to look deeply –
whether at unprocessed past experiences, their feelings about their current situations, or their
aspirations for and vision of their lives – an activity not readily valorized and even subtly
discouraged in our society. Others wrestled with the trap of familiarity, drawing strength from
the format and purpose of the workshop itself in order to revisit old and worn out stories in
imaginative and creative ways. And all of us, to one degree or another, relied on the council
format employed and on our agreement to confidentiality, so that we could openly share with one
another in the knowledge that there would never be any need to justify or defend.

Meg is a wonderful example of someone who courageously accepted the challenge
offered up in this context. Following the aforementioned guided meditation performed during
our first meeting, we went around in a circle to see if anyone had any initial thoughts about a
story   they   might   wish   to   contemplate.     Meg   spoke   about   wanting   to   “get   organized”   in   her  
everyday life, mentioning various tasks and projects on   her   ‘to   do’   list   which   she wanted to
accomplish,   and   then   said   to   me   “but   I   don’t   think   that’s   the   kind   of   thing   you’re   looking   for.”    
As best I could, I tried to make it clear to everyone that   I   wasn’t   looking   for   anything   in  
particular, but rather, hoping to co-create a space in which we could all look more closely at
whatever called to us. The next time we met, Meg spoke to us about wanting to use our time
together to look at aspects of her life she has long shied away from facing; announcing her

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 55
decision to revisit lifelong struggles and doubts through the lens of archived footage of the Little
Rock Nine.

5.1.2 Autonomy
Once everyone had selected a topic with which to work, the next stage of the process
(immersion) asked the participants to spend some contemplative time each day with their chosen
themes. Starting each session with a period of meditation if possible (either silent or using the
guidance on the CDs provided), everyone was encouraged to engage with the medium of their
story (or narrative provoking piece) in whatever way was appropriate, i.e. reading, watching,
listening, gazing, etc., and to consider keeping a notebook or journal in order to record any
insights that might arise.
In the first stage, the focus of which is on formulating intention and vision, the dominant
procedural theme that emerged was that of establishing a personally acceptable relationship with
permission and consent. Conversely, in the immersion phase a realization that permission was
somehow unnecessary, or perhaps more correctly, the awareness that no one but oneself could
grant oneself permission or give consent, gradually came to the fore. In other words, there was a
perceptible shift in the direction of increased autonomy as each participant came to see that she
was ultimately and solely responsible for her own experience.
Interestingly, rather than being able to point to any formal structural agreement or
specific aspect of the format to account for this particular facet of the workshop, it seems that the
openness of approach adopted for our time together was itself most directly responsible for the
arising of this sense of autonomy and self-reliance. In addition to creating an environment where
everyone felt supported in nurturing a developing skill at finding (and making) meaning from the
raw materials of narrative strains and life experiences, our  ‘everything  is  welcome,  but  nothing  is  

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 56
required’   attitude,   allowed   each   of us to find that individual level of participation that felt
supportive and healing rather than overly threatening.

This latter aspect of the pilot project format was especially important to Sandi, who, after
the workshop had ended, commented about how she had surprised herself by continuing to come
back week after week, rather than simply quit, as she was repeatedly tempted to do. She
willingly acknowledged that  this  was  “definitely  not  her  sort  of  thing”,  and  (if  body  language  is  
any indicator) had experienced obvious discomfort and resistance during much of the workshop.
And yet, the autonomy instilled through the openness of our approach enabled her to participate
in a way that she felt provided an acceptable and workable amount of challenge. In this respect,
her previously quoted words about sticking with her narrative  to  “see  where  it  might  lead”, can
equally well be taken as an accurate description of how the noncompulsory nature of our
discussions allowed her curiosity to repeatedly help her overcome her reservations.

5.1.3 Perspective
In the next major phase of our workshop, I encouraged everyone to try to express in their
own words what their chosen stories had come to mean to them personally. Or, if a chosen item
(such  as  Mollie’s  picture)  did  not  come  with  its  own  obvious  and ready-made narrative, to try to
give it one. Some of the questions that I offered up to the group as potential aids for this part of
the  process  were:    “What  memories  does  my  story  bring  to  mind?”,  “What  lessons  might  it  hold  
for   me?”,   “What was it that made me choose to contemplate this topic in particular, and not
something   else?”,   and   “Why   do   I   find   it   so   (compelling,   irritating,   saddening,   inspiring,   etc.)?”
Then, in an effort to inspire connections between these ruminations and everyday life, I asked
them   each   to   consider   “How   might   I   live   differently   if   I   were   to   truly   ‘get’   what   my   story   is  
trying  to  tell  me?”,    “What  would  it  cost  me  to  live  this  way?”,  and  “What  will  it  cost  me  if   I  
don’t?”     Finally,   I   suggested   that   it   might   prove   useful   for   everyone   to   write   something   that  

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 57
captures their current understanding and insights, as well as any new questions that have arisen
(or open ones that have become more pressing) as a result of the inquiry.

As it turns out, this  ‘interpretive’  stage  of  the  workshop,  far  more  than  any  other,  can be
well characterized by various shifts in perspective that were beginning to be experienced by our
group, both on an individual basis and as a whole. In hindsight, some of these shifts in
viewpoint may be seen as natural outgrowths of the results of preceding stages (though as we
will soon see, others cannot so readily be understood in this way). For example, given what has
already been said about everyone having found a greater sense of autonomy during the
immersion phase of the workshop, it might not be too surprising to learn that each participant
began to express a growing sense of ownership of, and connection to, her chosen narrative.
Similarly, there was also a perceptible movement of each woman’s   telling   of   her   tale in the
direction of ever greater wholeness and continuity, as each strove in the interpretive phase to
‘make  her story her  own’.    

The effect of this newfound sense of ownership and coherence could also be felt in group
discussions that showed how these women had come to perceive anew certain aspects of their
lives, as well as how the experience of the workshop was beginning to inspire changes in attitude
and behavior. Such a shift in perspective is well exemplified by Susan, who not only came to
speak increasingly lovingly and admiringly of her ‘frugal’ father, his Spartan lifestyle, and the
ways in which these forces had shaped her childhood, but also, and as a result, found herself for
the first time embracing and deeply appreciating the life of simplicity she now lives. Likewise,
the connection that grew between Kelly and her narrative inspired her first to express her love
and admiration for a dear friend in a poem, and then to manifest those feelings in the larger
world by submitting the poem   as   her   friend’s   nomination   for   Special Olympian of the year.
Finally, there was perhaps no greater individual shift in perspective expressed in the workshop

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 58
than that experienced by Mollie, a woman who never learned to swim and is terrified by the
prospect,  but  who’s  perspective  had  widened so much in our time together that the heroine of her
short story Journey to a Whole Heart finally, and after much struggle, makes it to the other shore
not by crossing the bridge with which she began her contemplations, but by entering the water
below.

Mollie’s   creative expression piece also illustrates how the most profound shift in
perspective arising from the interpretive stage of the workshop cannot be seen simply as a
natural consequence or outgrowth of the autonomy that had previously been established.
Instead,  an  overarching  sense  of  what  might  be  called  the  ‘interpenetration’  of  the   participants’  
various stories, as well as the new points of view they engendered, began to emerge. In a
palpable sense, it was as if one larger metanarrative, within which each individual tale naturally
found its place, was being authored. One in which we all started seeing ourselves in one
another’s  stories; finding common ground amidst our doubts, joys, struggles, and mistakes, and
out of which the previously mentioned themes of friendship, authenticity, integrity, and the like,
that were becoming increasingly important to our group, began to take center stage. In other
words, while still maintaining the sense of autonomy and responsibility that had previously
arisen, we all also began to feel and understand that our narratives and interpretations overlapped
in vital ways, and all held meaning for one another—that regardless of how personally identified
each of us might be with our particular tale, there was an important sense in which they were not
really   ‘our   stories’. In trying to capture the general feeling that arose during this part of the
workshop, I can do no better than to quote Mollie as she writes, “She stepped into the water, and
was helped by the swimmers to stay afloat. As they traveled across the water, they helped her
learn to swim and to float; they  also  shared  their  stories,  and  she  began  to  realize  that  she  wasn’t  
alone in searching for a whole heart [emphasis mine]”  (Appendix  E).

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 59

5.1.4 Validation
In the wake of this growing sense of the ‘melding’ of our various storylines, everyone
was next asked to try to express, in some creative medium, whatever personal insights or new
understandings had arisen for each of them throughout the course of the workshop. In an effort
to provide some context for this last phase of the pilot project, I shared a quote by Zen teacher
Albert Low, which I felt poetically articulated what our group as a whole was in the process of
discovering:     “Creativity   is   the   result   of   unity   within   ambiguity.”     Against   this   backdrop,   I  
offered   a   few   questions   for   the   women   to   consider,   including   “When   I   think   about   what   I   am  
taking away from this workshop, how does it manifest in my awareness, i.e. as visual images,
words or sounds, music,  felt  sensations,  or  a  combination  of  several  of  these?”,    “Are  there  any  
specific people, places, or events that I strongly feel should be included in a creative expression
of   my   insights?”,   and   “Are   there   any   seemingly   independent   themes   that   I   have hit upon that
might   share   some   deeper   underlying   unity?” The overall goal of this final stage was to leave
each participant with something tangible to revisit: as a reminder of our time together, as a
source of validation and affirmation, and as a springboard for future contemplations.
While my main motivation for having offered each of the participants a ‘new name’ upon
completion of the workshop was to instill everyone with a sense of affirmation and closure, I
have since discovered that other, more immediate sources of validation were already at work.
One of these was simply our coming to see that others in the group shared many of the same
thoughts, fears, doubts, wishes, and so on, that we ourselves did—the discovery of which can be
viewed more or less straightforwardly as a natural outcome of the ‘interpenetration’   of   our
stories that came to fruition during the previous stage. Another powerful source of validation
came from the stories themselves—that sense of connectedness that arises when it dawns on you
that another human being was inspired through their own life experiences to pen the very story

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 60
within which so much personal meaning has been found, and accompanied by the realization that
many others have also deemed it worthwhile and necessary to preserve, sustain, or otherwise
protect and spread its message. Finally, one of the most influential pieces of corroborating
evidence, making it clear that we were not alone in finding deep meaning in things like the
importance of friendship, authenticity, happiness, and honest self-expression, was the observed
overlap   of   these   themes   with   those   identified   in   Bronnie   Ware’s   exposition   of   ‘the top five
regrets of the dying’.

5.2 Future Directions – Narrative Contemplation and Elder Care
In the earlier parts of this section, we identified  four  specific  attributes  that  support  one’s  
ability to fruitfully engage in and benefit from a process of narrative contemplation (permission,
autonomy, novel perspective, and validation), each successively emerging within a particular
stage of the pilot project: formulating intention and vision, immersion, interpretation, and
creative expression, respectively. If, in closing, we lastly consider how chaplains wishing to
incorporate such techniques into their daily work might go about tailoring this approach to the
particularities of their specific areas of service, several questions readily come to mind; each
signaling a possible direction for future research.
For example, one could adapt this work to situations in which chaplains may reasonably
expect to encounter those they serve only infrequently, or for very short stretches of time, or
perhaps only once. Under such conditions, it might make more sense to work with just one of
these attributes, permission or validation for example, depending upon where a particular
individual appears to be located in the midst of his or her story, and according to what seems
most supportive and healing at the time. Alternatively, one might seek to develop a simplified
heuristic model within which the entire progression presented above could be condensed; one

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 61
that, while potentially limited in comparison with a longer term intervention, can nevertheless be
readily bequeathed to a person for use in time-constrained situations.

This last consideration also points to another promising line of inquiry; that of seeking
increasingly effective ways to cultivate and nurture a growing skill in working with narrative,
both in oneself and in others. This, in turn, may require figuring out how to best engender a
lasting sense of permission to look ever more deeply – thereby ensuring continued access to the
entirety of the hermeneutic circle – so that in the end the chaplain is no longer needed. In other
words, we might study how to encapsulate the methods described above in the form of an
‘appropriate   technology’, i.e., an intervention or tool that ordinary people can use and benefit
from without becoming dependent upon a system over which they have no control.

On a more personal note, having found myself increasingly drawn to working with the
elderly, first as a volunteer tai chi instructor at a local senior center and more recently with the
New Mexico Long-Term Care Ombudsman program5, I am quite motivated to discover how
narrative contemplation might be adapted in ways that can favorably address the unique
challenges faced by this particular population. In addition to the more general considerations
outlined above, some of the specific difficulties to be overcome in this regard are those factors
that can hinder one’s willingness and communicative ability to share in the realm of story, such
as: impaired sense faculties (degradation or loss of hearing, speech, vision, etc.), limited
mobility (through injury, weakness, atrophy, or paralysis), and overriding senses of loneliness,
boredom, depression, and unworthiness (often exacerbated by a lack of stimulation, the effects of
medications, or feelings of isolation and abandonment). Finally, perhaps the single greatest

5 The New Mexico Long-Term Care Ombudsman program is a federally-mandated, state-run program through
which volunteers regularly visit their assigned nursing homes or assisted-living facilities to (i) provide residents with
regular companionship, (ii) ensure everyone is being treated humanely and that their legal rights are being respected,
and  (iii)  advocate  for  the  residents’  needs  and  wishes.

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 62
obstacle to working with narrative in this population is that of dementia, and the detrimental
effects  it  has  on  memory  and  the  cohesiveness  of  one’s  experience.

These factors, in concert with the structures and attitudes prevailing in even the best
nursing homes and assisted living facilities, can also readily undermine each of the
characteristics that,   as   we   have   shown,   support   one’s   ability   to   relate   to   story   in   a   wholesome  
way. This may happen, for example, through the fostering of an environment in which residents
feel it necessary to obtain permission for just about anything they wish to do, by finding  one’s  
autonomy and self-sufficiency severely limited (whether by facility rules or by one’s  own  body  
and mind), by discovering that changing   one’s   point   of   view   is   difficult   when every day is
experienced as a virtual carbon-copy of the last, and by continually finding validation and
affirmation   of   one’s   basic   humanity   and   worth   hard   to   come   by.     And yet, on the bright side,
these observations also suggest that narrative contemplation may turn out to be the perfect
technique for addressing these and related issues.

Although at this early stage of the inquiry I cannot foresee the specific form that a well
fleshed-out response to these and other challenges will take, I am confident that any such
intervention will include at least one key aspect – that of open and attentive listening. Even
within the context of my limited experience, I have found that simply lending someone who may
have no one else to talk to a sympathetic and interested ear can have wondrous effects on attitude
and mood, and also works to slowly engender trust, companionship, and a growing willingness
to share stories and life experiences. Remarkably, this often holds true even if a particular
individual does not remember who I am from one visitation to the next; an observation which
makes it clear that the obstacles we have been considering, while formidable, are not
insurmountable.

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 63
And so it is my hope that others will also be inspired to tackle these and other challenges,

and to advance this work in whatever ways feel most appropriate, useful, supportive, and
healing. It is in this sense that I offer this thesis with the sincere wish that it help, in some small
way, to bring to fruition the vision of physician Robert N. Butler, a pioneer in the field of healthy
aging, to   “facilitate   the   opportunity   for   a   person   to   achieve   resolution   and   celebration,  
affirmation and hope, reconciliation and personal growth in the final years” (2002). My only
caveat being that we, at the same time, support one another in waking up to the fact that we need
not wait until our final years are upon us to share in these fruits.

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 64
Appendix A (Group photo)

Photo removed for considerations of privacy.

Group members from left to right: Meg, Sandi, Mollie, Trace, Kelly, and Susan

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 65
Appendix B (Mollie’s  picture)

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 66
Appendix C (Kelly’s  excerpt  from  Same Kind of Different as Me)

I’d  forgotten  that  when  I  told  him  that  all  I  wanted  from  him  was  his  friendship,  he’d  said  
he’d   think   about   it.     Now,   I   was shocked that anyone would spend a week pondering such a
question. While the whole conversation had slipped from my mind, Denver had clearly spent
serious time preparing his answer.

He looked up from his coffee, fixing me with one eye, the other squinted like Clint
Eastwood.    “There’s  somethin   I  heard   ‘bout  white  folks  that  bothers  me,  and  it  has  to   do  with  
fishin.”     He   spoke   slowly   and   deliberately,   keeping   me   pinned   with   that   eyeball.     “I   heard   that  
when  white  folks  go  fishin  they  do  something  called  ‘catch  and  release.’”

Catch and release? I nodded solemnly, suddenly nervous and curious at the same time.
“That   really   bothers   me,”   Denver   went   on.     “I   just   can’t   figure   it   out.   ‘Cause   when  
colored folks go fishin, we really proud of what we catch, and we take it and show it off to
everybody  that’ll  look.    Then  we  eat  what  we  catch…in  other  words,  we  use  it  to  sustain us. So
it really bothers me that white folks would go to all that trouble to catch a fish, then when they
done caught it, just throw it back  in  the  water.”
Denver looked away, searching the blue autumn sky, then locked onto me again with that
drill-bit  stare.    “So,  Mr.  Ron,  it  occurred  to  me:    If  you  is  fishin  for  a  friend  you  just  gon’  catch  
and  release,  then  I  ain’t  got  no  desire  to  be  your friend.”
Suddenly  his  eyes  gentled  and  he  spoke  more  softly  than  before:    “But if you is lookin for
a real friend,  then  I’ll  be  one.    Forever.”

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 67

Appendix D (Sandi’s  list  of  friendship  quotes)

“There  is  a  magnet  in  your  heart  that  will  attract  true friends. That magnet is unselfishness,
thinking  of  others  first;;  when  you  learn  to  live  for  others,  they  will  live  for  you.”

- Paramahansa Yogananda: 1893 – 1952 Indian Yogi founder of Self Realization
Fellowship and brought Yoga to US

“An  insincere  and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound
your  body,  but  an  evil  friend  will  wound  your  mind.”  

- Buddha: founder of Buddhism

“Wishing  to  be  friends  is  quick  work,  but  friendship  is  a  slow  ripening  fruit.”  
- Aristotle: 384 BC – 322 BC Greek philosopher

“A  friend  to  all  is  a  friend  to  none.”  
- Aristotle

“Be  slow  to  fall  into  friendship,  but  when  you  are  in,  continue  firm  and  constant.”  
- Socrates: 469 BC – 399 BC Greek philosopher

“Be  a  friend  to  thyself,  and  others  will  be  so  too.”  
- Thomas Fuller: 1608 – 1661 English churchman and historian

“A  true  friend  freely,  advises  justly,  assists  readily,  adventures  boldly,  takes  all  patiently,  defends  
courageously,  and  continues  a  friend  unchangeably.”

- William Penn: 1644 – 1718 English entrepreneur and philosopher - owner/founder of
Pennsylvania & Delaware

“Tis  a  great  confidence  in  a  friend  to  tell  him  your  faults;;  greater  to  tell  him  his.”  
- Benjamin Franklin: 1706 – 1790 founding father of United States
-

“Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity
before  it  is  entitled  to  the  appellation.”

- George Washington: 1732 – 1799 1st US President

“Do  I  not  destroy  my  enemies  when  I  make  them  my  friends?”  
- Abraham Lincoln: 1809 – 1865 16th US President

“Friendship  with  one’s  self  is  all  important,  because  without  it  one  cannot  be  friends  with  anyone  
else  in  the  world.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt: 1884 – 1962 American First Lady – four terms

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 68

“The  glory  of  friendship  is  not  the  outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of
companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone
else  believes  in  you  and  is  willing  to  trust  you  with  a  friendship.”  

- Ralph Waldo Emerson: 1803-1882 American poet

“Never  explain  - your  friends  do  not  need  it  and  your  enemies  will  not  believe  you  anyway.”
- Elbert Hubbard: 1856 - 1915 American writer, artist, philosopher

“When  you  choose  your  friends,  don't  be  short-changed by choosing personality over character.”  
- W. Somerset Maugham: 1874 – 1965 British playwright and novelist

“You  can  make  more  friends  in  two  months  by  becoming  interested  in  other  people  than  you  can  
in  two  years  by  trying  to  get  other  people  interested  in  you.”  

- Dale Carnegie: 1888 – 1955 American writer and lecturer on self-improvement

“It  seems  to  me  that  trying  to  live  without  friends  is  like  milking  a  bear  to  get  cream  for  your  
morning  coffee.  It  is  a  whole  lot  of  trouble,  and  then  not  worth  much  after  you  get  it.”

- Zora Neale Hurston: 1891 – 1960 American writer and folklorist

“A  true  friend  is  someone  who  thinks  that  you  are  a  good  egg  even  though  he  knows  that  you  are  
slightly  cracked.”  

- Bernard Meltzer: 1916 – 1998 American radio talk show host

“The  friend  who  can  be  silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us
in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing...
that  is  a  friend  who  cares.”

- Henri Nouwen: 1932 – 1996 Dutch Catholic priest – wrote 40+ book, including The
Prodigal Son

“There  is  nothing  like  puking  with  somebody  to  make  you  into  old  friends.”  
- Sylvia Plath: 1932 – 1963 American poet and novelist

“Never  leave  a  friend  behind.    Friends  are  all  we  have  to  get  us  through  this  life--and they are the
only  things  from  this  world  that  we  could  hope  to  see  in  the  next.”  

- Dean Koontz: 1945 - American fiction author

“People  come  in  and  out  of  our  lives,  and  the  true  test  of  friendship  is  whether  you  can  pick  back  
up right where you left off  the  last  time  you  saw  each  other.”

- Lisa See: 1955 - American fiction novelist

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 69

Appendix E (Mollie’s  short  story)

Journey to a Whole Heart

A  woman  went  to  an  older,  wiser  man  for  advice.    “A  piece  of  your  heart  is  missing,”  he  told  her.    
A piece that is essential for you to have a fulfilled life. You will need to go on a journey in order
to  find  it.    The  journey  will  require  great  courage,  for  much  of  it  will  be  over  water.”    He  knew  
that the woman had a great fear of water, of having her face or her head submerged; she had
never learned to swim.

The woman knew that she had to make the journey, to find the missing piece of her heart.

When  she  went  to  the  water’s  edge  to  begin  her  journey,  she  saw,  to  her  relief,  a  bridge  over  the  
water she had to cross. The bridge was narrow, and not very sturdy, but there were many people
walking   on   it,   and   the   bridge   did   not   collapse.     She   thought,   “This   is   a   way   to   get   safely   across  
the  water,”  and  she  stepped  on  it.    Crowds  of  people  were  walking,  running,  cycling across the
bridge; some even had carts that they pushed or pulled, and all were going in the opposite
direction of the woman. She found herself being pushed and shoved; several people shouted at
her to get out of their way, or that she was going in the wrong direction. She began to be afraid
of being knocked down and trampled by the rapidly moving crowd. Finally, she saw the end of
the bridge, where she could step down on dry land. But the exit was locked with iron bars; there
was no way off the bridge. Weeping with frustration and exhaustion, she turned around and
retraced her steps back to the beginning of her journey. Stepping off the bridge where she had
stepped on with such hope, she wondered if her heart would always be incomplete.

As she stood, wondering what to do, she heard voices calling to her from the water. There was a
small group of swimmers who had seen what had happened to her. They, too, were on their own
journeys to find their whole hearts, and they sensed her fear, and her need to continue her
journey. She stepped into the water, and was helped by the swimmers to stay afloat. As they
traveled across the water, they helped her learn to swim and to float; they also shared their
stories,  and  she  began  to  realize  that  she  wasn’t alone in searching for a whole heart.

When they reached land, the swimmers said good-bye, for their journeys would continue in other
directions. As the woman continued on, she met other people who were searching for their own
hearts. They shared their stories, and even when the woman traveled alone, she felt supported
and upheld by the seekers she had met.

She began to realize that in order to have a whole-hearted   life,   one   must   confront   one’s   fears,  
know   that   many   others   are   sharing   in   one’s   experiences, and making their own journeys. She
also realized that places that seemed safe were not only not safe, but could stop one from finding
the missing piece of heart simply by keeping one rushing around, being too busy moving in the
wrong direction to be the whole-hearted person she was meant to be. She had needed to follow
the crowd in order to leave the bridge, but she needed to be willing to take the first step into the
water. The safety came from overcoming the fear. And the journey continued; for once the
missing pieces of our hearts are found life becomes a continued journey—of growth, to our
connection with the divine.

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 70
Appendix F (Meg’s  quilt)

Symbolism: black and white cloth – racial harmony, rainbow colors – tolerance
for all sexual preferences, green – the natural world.

Embroidery reads “Living  in  peace  with  myself,  friends,  and  weeds.”

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 71

Appendix G (Kelly’s  Poem)

The soul that knows your name

In a world full of busy-ness, anxiety and strife
Few people have the honor of meeting someone who truly changes their life.

Someone who offers unconditional love is a rare find
A  true  friend  who  brings  out  life’s  joy,  who  is  loving  and  kind
A friend who accepts you for who you are, not for what you do

Someone who loves you purely just because you are you

Who gently reminds you to take time for today
To let go of worry, hurry and doing; to learn a new way

To  practice  forgiveness;;  love,  laugh  and  just  “be”
To trust what you feel, not just what you see

To share all you have, not separate what is yours and what is mine
To commit to being a friend for life not only when there is time

We all have things we need help with; unique special needs
Let us love each other, not only with words, but also in deeds.
Whether the difference is ability, orientation, religion or race

Make a connection; lead with compassion and grace

Create a sense of family, a bridge; a place where we belong
Celebrate  the  things  that  are  right,  don’t  focus  on  the  wrong

Build a place where we always feel at home
When we need to be loved and not feel so alone

Embrace the one who knows who you are, and what you are about
Who recognizes you from the inside and not just the out

The one who remembers we are less different than the same
The one who leads with the heart, the soul that knows your name.

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 72
Appendix H (Susan’s  painting  and  life-story  ‘rewrite’)

From top to bottom: (i) Clouds, (ii) Sun, (iii) Corn and Pottery – Native American Spirituality,
(iv) Crops – Nature, (v) Symbols – “Seeking”,  “Peace”,  and  “Rain”.

Desperately seeking Susan
Text removed for considerations of privacy.

AWAKENING THROUGH STORY: BUDDHIST CHAPLAINCY AND NARRATIVE 73
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