Goblins Cookbook-3A-01-b

A Hungry
Goblin’s
CookBook

With
Translations

For
Humans

2

Hello There,
This is my favorite cookbook!
The grandkids love the crazy recipes
and funny stories and pictures.

I have tried my best to translate
this from Goblin speak to English,
but there are somethings I just
had to guess at!

I hope you enjoy this as much as
I did making it!

Sincerely,
Elmer J. Waddlesworth III

3

Hearty
Dragon Slugs

Dragon Slugs are meaty hand sized slugs that
are found in caves where Dragons live. They feed
on the scales that falloff the dragons, and
whatever remains of the creatures the dragons
feed on!

The slugs have to be wrapped in corn husks
to keep them from drying out, to keep them
meaty and juicy!

Cook them in an Ogre Sauce made with
ground werewolf meat, and dried orange Ogre
Snot!

Brown the ground up werewolf and add
spices to taste, then remove the husks and lay
the slugs in a pan.

Pour the werewolf meat over the slugs, and
then add the orange Ogre snot on top. Be generous
with the Snot!

Add some spicy green onions on top to add
more
flavor!

Cook till the Ogre Snot is bubbly and melting!

Let cool for a few moments before eating! The
Ogre snot tends to burn your tongue and the roof
of your mouth!

4

(Human Translation)
Hearty Dragon Slugs

You can use these substitutions!
1 16 oz can of Tamales
1 20 oz can of Chili —no beans
1/2 cup of Shredded Cheddar Cheese
(optional) 1 stalk of green onion—
diced
1 4oz canof black olives
Remove husks from Tamales, place in
glass 9 x 9 dish, pour chili over them
and spread over all the tamales. Add
Black olives as eyes on 1 end of ta-
males to make them look like slugs.
Pour shredded cheese over top, add
more if you like it cheesy!
Add Green onions sparingly (to
taste)
Heat in microwave for 3 to 5 minutes,
or till cheese is all melted.

Serve to Hungry Goblns (Makes 3 to
4 servings)

5

Buzzard Puke
on a

Toadstool
Buzzard Puke is a rare delicacy that
must be used within a day!
Buzzard puke is is very strong in flavor
and taste! Like a strong cheese is!
Best when heated to a boil, then poured
over a grilled toadstool picked from a
cow pasture!
Add green onions and salt and pepper to
taste!
Can also pour over bread made from the
ground up bones of squirrels or rats! Ohh
yummy!!
Great when followed by chilled Bat
brains, or even large bird brains!
A Very filling breakfast for every
young
Goblin!

6

(Human Translation)

Buzzard Puke
on a

Toadstool

Basically, make S.O.S.
1 lb hamburger or sausage browned and crum-
bled
Add flour—usually 1/4 to 1/2 cup—depends on
thickness you want!
2 cups milk ( to make the gravy with)
Salt and pepper to taste
Can use biscuits or toast as the toadstools

Followed by buttered biscuits with grape jelly or
jam, or strawberry jelly’s or jams!

Can make small “bird skulls’ by making bis-
cuits in the shape of a small skull, with a
pinched beak, and a hole in top for the jelly or
jams!

7

Dragon Eggs
and

Were-Wolf Strips

Dragon eggs can be found in caves by the lakes
and rivers. Just follow your nose! Dragons smell
like dead birds with a hint of hemlock!
Get a few eggs, about 4 to 6 of them.
Were-wolf strips can be found along fence lines
where they have crawled through the fences,
and left strips of meat behind. Ohh Yummy
when cooked right!

Cook the eggs on a hot stone, or even a griddle
from the humans. Meat strips too!
You can also mix the eggs with ground up were-
wolf meat and add some sage or spices and wrap
in a flat bread made from the bones of birds
or rats or squirrels! Add some freshly diced
bird meat with spices for a sauce!
MMMM yummy for a growing Goblin!

8

(Human Translation)
Dragon Eggs
and

Were-Wolf Strips

Chicken Eggs (2 to 6 depending on how many
to feed)
Were-Wolf strips—Bacon
Can also scramble sausage with the eggs and
add cheese to wrap in a tortilla for a Breakfast
Burrito.
Can add a little picante sauce for “Bird meat
sauce”

9

Speckled Deviled
Dragon Eggs

If you find some RARE brown dragon eggs, grab
them! They are delicious when chilled and
mixed with Troll snot and ground up fairies!
You have to cook the eggs in water from a
fairy spring, to make sure there is no baby
dragon inside!
Then carefully remove the egg shell, and slice
the egg from top to bottom. Not side to side.
You want to keep the egg white for the mixture
Take the yolk out and mix with ground up
fairies and Troll snot and set aside for a few
minutes.
Find a tray so you can set them all on it, and
then carefull spoon the yolk mixture into the
egg white side
Sprinkle some dried bats blood or Robins blood
on top for extra flavor!
MMMM yummy and very fill-
ing.
Great for anytime of the
year!

10

(Human Translation)
Speckled Deviled
Dragon Eggs

1 doz eggs (doesn't have to be brown eggs)
(basically making Deviled Eggs— can use red,
or green food coloring when mixing the deviled
eggs)
Feel free to make small batches of different colors
for each egg filling!
Mayonaise is the Troll Snot
Ground up fairies is Mustard
Dried Bat’s Blood is paparika
(can even put some of these items in small jars or
dishes and make your own labels for the ’goblin
ingredients)

11

Buzzards
&

Maggots

A great meal on a cold day, Buzzards & mag-
gots!
Need to find a freshly dead buzzard, or two.
Skin it, and take off the head and feet.
Save the feet for trading with orc’s
Once the bird is cleaned, cut it up to fit in
the cauldron! Boil it for at least an hour or
so, till the meat falls off the bones! Keep the
bones to make stuff with.
Put the meat back in the cauldron, add some
creamed essence of chicken and buzzard drool,
mix in some spices as needed.
Then find some fresh maggots off a any dead
carcass, will need several handfuls, or even fill
up a pouch!
Add the maggots to the cauldron and simmer
for about 30 min or so.
MMMMM!!! Great soup for the bones on a cold
day!

12

(Human Translation)
Buzzards
&
Maggots

(Basically—Chicken and Rice Soup)
Buzzard—Chicken meat, Chicken Legs will do
nicely)
Maggots—Rice ( can use brown or wild rice also)
Cook chicken meat, in a large pot, add liquid,
salt, pepper and garlic salt to taste, for about 45
min to an hour.
Till meat is falling off bones.
Cook rice separately!
Then add 1 Large (or 2 small cans) can of cream
of chicken soup
Then add rice to mix. Simmer for about 10 to 15
min, Then serve.

13

Goblin Stew

Goblin Stew is one of my personal favorites!
I can make it with almost anything!
Goblin stew has meat, and taters and maters, cow
stalks, pig pearls, fairy pearls, and wabbit
spears!
The best meat in winter time, Skunk meat! Yum-
my!
Bird meat isn't that great for this, but cat,
dog, cow, horse, goat, were-wolf, were-cat, but not
frogs, and not snakes.
I prefer cow meat, tender and large pieces!
Get a GOOD stone pot, chop up meat into mouth
sized chunks, then add taters and maters and
pig pearls and wabbit spears! Cover the pot
over low flame or even in coals. Make sure you
add just a little bit of water, so it wont burn
In a few hours, you will have a scrumptious
dinner!
You can also add some diced bat wings, or even a
few lizards for variety!

14

(Human Translation)

Goblin Stew

Basically—Beef Stew
This can be cooked several different ways.
Stove top or slow cooker
My personal favorite is in a slow cooker /Crock Pot
Cut up a 2 to 3 lbs roast, or use stew meat.
Add 1 cup of water, (9 or more if on stove top—need
to make sure ingredients are covered)
(4 to 6) diced potatoes,
1– 16 oz can stewed tomatoes
1/2 to 1 cup diced baby carrots
1/2 to 1 cup pearl onions
1 or 2 stalks of celery diced
1 cup of frozen peas (optional)
Cook in slow cooker for 6 to 8 hours. Check for
water levels to make sure it isn't burning.
Add Salt and Pepper and Garlic seasoning to
taste!

15

Ugly One Horned Mule
Wraps

If you can ever find an ugly one horned mule
meat, GRAB IT!
Humans call them Unicorns, but that’s just
cause humans like pretty names!
Their meat is spicy and soo delishicious!

Get a slab of meat, one or two pounds worth!
Soak it in some marinating sauce overnight,
and add some spicy spices to it!
Next day, cook it over an open flame grill,
then slice it into thin strips, and recook in
sliced onions and peppers!

Then grab some Banshee slime, or if you can
find some fresh mermaid slime, that’s tasty
too! I like the green mermaid slime, nice and
zesty, though it can be a tab bit hot in
taste.

Use clabbered cow juice, it’s thick and some-
times clumpy, just stir it up, and spread on
flat bread, then add sliced meat and onions
and peppers, and top it off with Orange Ogre
snot and either red Banshee slime or green
mermaid slime!
Enjoy!

16

(Human Translation)
Ugly One Horned Mule

Wraps
(Ugly One Horned Mule—Unicorn)
No, we will use Flank steak or Fajita meat!
Grill Fajita meat on grill or griddle, and then slice
into strips, then grill just a little bit longer with
onions and peppers till onions become caramelized.
Then heat tortillas for 30 seconds or so, 15 if in
microwave.
Additional items:
Sour cream—(clabbered Cow Juice)
Pico / Picante sauce / Green chili sauce
(Banshee slime, or Mermaid slime)
Shredded Cheese (Dried Ogre Snot)
Flat bred—(Tortilla’s)
Can also serve with tortilla chips and cheese dip!

17

Finger Wraps
in

Werewolf Sauce
For good afternoon snack, I sometimes love to
fix some “Finger Wraps” and add some fresh
‘WereWolf sauce over them!
Get about a dozen or so Troll fingers, heat
them over a flame, and put them in a fat
bread you get from humans. They are long and
split down the sides, just perfect for Troll
fingers.
I sometimes add some pureed buttercup fairies
to the bread first, then the troll fingers, and
pour the werewolf sauce over top! I even add
some diced onions on top!
MMMMM… Good snack for a lazy day!

Ohh make sure you remove the bones!

18

(Human Translation)
Finger Wraps
in
Werewolf Sauce

Troll Fingers—Hot Dogs
Fat Bread—Hot Dog Buns
Pureed Buttercup Fairies—Mustard
Werewolf sauce—Chili with no beans
NOTE: You can add some green or blue food color-
ing as you boil the hotdogs.
If you cook over a flame, just explain that you had
to remove the skin from the fingers, they were
dirty!
And you got fresh buns, the goblin ones were
moldy!
Cook Hot dogs, and add mustard to buns and then
add hot dogs, and pour chili over, add diced onions
if preferred!

19

Werewolf Sauce

One of my mostest favoritest foods! Werewolf
Sauce!
I have to trade with an old witch to get her
canned Werewolf Sauce, and somedays, she de-
mands that I sample some of her other dishes
first. Some of them, would make a buzzard
puke if they ate it, but I try to be nice to
her.

She says she casts a spell every full moon to
catch werewolves running in the woods. She then
hacks them up into bite sized pieces for her
sauce.
She said it takes her all night and the next
day to make a good batch!
You can smell it for miles when she makes a
fresh batch, smells soo GOOD!

20

(Human Translation)
Werewolf Sauce

Werewolf sauce—Canned Chili—no beans
Or you can make home made chili!
A big pot of home made chili is a great meal by
itself!
I always add Canned Chili tomatoes and salt n
pepper and sometimes just a dash of Garlic salt!
You can also add some diced onions and peppers to
it.

Now you know where the brand name..
Wolf Brand Chili comes from!

21

Rapuzel’s
Dirt Pudding
This tis a great delicacy from the
Royal Goblin Court—Dirt Pudding!
What ya need is a box of ground WormWood, a
bag of oak tree bark, a really really OLD
oak tree is the best!
Some crumbed beetles, and some fresh pond scum.
None of the old brown crispy scum, has too
many dead bugs in that scum.
First off, you mix up the ground wormwood as
directed, in a bowl, set aside when finished.
Then add dried beetles into the mix. Mix
WELL!
Layer some old tree bark in a pan, ad worm-
wood mix till all is in the pan.
Then top with fresh pondscum

Let it set for a few hours.. In a chilly place..
And then SERVE.. Ohh YUMMY!!
Need a SPOON to eat this with!

22

(Human Translation)
Rapunzel’s
Dirt Pudding

This is a great delicacy from the Royal Goblin
Court—Dirt Pudding
Hmmm… the closest I can think of, is a chocolate
pudding with Cookies!
Mix your favorite pudding mix up, for a Goblin
theme, I’d use Pistachio pudding (its green) with
some crumbled oreo’s (for the beetles).
I would them layer some Vanilla wafers, or
alternate between oreo’s and vanilla wafers in the
bottom of the pan, and pour mix over them.
Pond Scum—Whipped cream topping, Cool Whip,
or even add some blue n green food coloring to the
mix before adding to the pudding.
You could also add some gummy worms for cool
grossness!!

23