The last moment

Konstantina Nikolaidi

Collection of Poetry

translated by Konstantina Nikolaidi



In some poems in this book, you will
notice a parallelism between the word
Human and “looking high up above,
at the Sky”. This is because, in Greek lan-
guage the word Human is Anthropos.
The word Anthropos is a combination of
two words: ano (adverb) + throsko (verb).
Ano means Up. Throsko means Look.
Anthropos (Human) is the creature that
should look up above to the sky.

The first Logos

You keep on teaching me forevermore
And I keep on learning (constantly)
I keep on admiring (consistently)
Nature! What a worthy aide of Yours
What a worthy guide of mine
What a noble protector of mine
The one and only
The unerring

Nature is a “She”
She is a mother
She takes my hand
She twines her fingers into my fingers
That’s what You whispered her to do
one dark night
on the edge of the cliff of the world

“Teach them the addition, union
Earth and water and sun
And a seed
And a hand.”
There you are!
How you’ve grown up!

“Teach them the multiplication, abundance
Apples, oranges, peaches.”
How I like peaches!

“Teach them the division, sharing.”
The bug, the tinsy-tiny little bug

6

and I, the big one,
eat from the same peach
it’s enough for us two
it’s enough for all of us too

“Teach them the subtraction, the separation.”
The kernel falls on the ground
Naked
Its juicy flesh is lost
Eaten
Consumed
The kernel on the ground
A seed
Earth, water, sun
And there we go again!

“Teach them the renascence, the secret.
Teach them that whatever lives,
Lives to die and reborn.
Teach my children all these.
Only these. Are enough.”

That’s what You have whispered to mother Nature
one dark night
on the edge of the cliff of the world

And there was morning.

7

Truths

They say
Our whole life
Just a blink of an eye
That’s what they say

They say
Human means looking high up above
Human means to pray
That’s what they say

They say
That You dwell in the Skies
There is Your kingdom
That’s what they say

That’s what they say
-For ages now-
Truths

I say
I must catch a glimpse of You
Just catch a glimpse
Catch a glimpse before my eyes are shut
That’s what I say

8

9

Little thorns

Pain is a little thorn
Every time
like a brand-new love
makes you believe it will never fade away

But

Time will win once again

Even if you can’t understand

Even if your pain seems so unbearable

“I will not laugh again”

And there you are!

Your first smile

And a second one

And another one

And another

And time comes when you can tear no more
Even when you isolate your memory to that pain
It’s not possible anymore
Time, beyond previous doubts, did what it should
Once again

Time
Unscathed warrior
nothing ever defeats you
and even at those moments
that you were doubted
for your healing mechanism
once again
you came out winner
in the battle of emotions

10

The mind
thinks other things
wanders on other fields

And the pain
As if never existed
Only a disordered memory now
So distant, far off, muddled
Dismal yes, but you cannot sense its sorrow

Paradox
Bizarre

No, it’s not lost
Nothing is lost from those that did hurt us
They are all there
in a tiny little corner of our soul
Sometimes they prick us a bit
Little thorns
Some breaths
Little thorns
Some sighs
And they are camouflaged again
But they occupy that tiny corner inside us
and they will always keep it

And when the Sun rises…
Bloom!
Rosebuds shall appear

11

Just a little Sky
All the trips of the World
Inside a tree
And a little Sky
All the scent of the Earth
Inside a rose
And a little Sky
All the wisdom of the Cosmos
Inside a butterfly
And a little Sky
All the love of God
Inside humans
And to this little Sky

12

13

The shadow

From high above
Eyes-stars look at you like never before
They see your substance
They watch you and guide your steps
From afar
However,
they hold your hand
they raise it up
Look what they show you
The Sky full of light
Don’t bend your head!
Look, light!
Down again?
Down here is night
Darkness
How aren’t you scared?
How?
You don’t want
That’s it.
You haven’t learned
That’s it.
You don’t desire

14

That’s it.
The beauty up above?
No.
Down again
Alone
There, at your narrow, dark shadow
And there you ‘ll stay.
Human,
if you don’t shine inside
you can’t raise you head to the Sky

15

Mindless man

Mindless man where are you stepping
and why are you drift along innocent lives?
Didn’t “Why” knock on your door?

The trains make so much noise
that you can’t hear
your consciousness screaming
You have bolted and locked your door
and your conscience can’t enter
Even if it could slither into from the keyhole
As you made the notch so, so small

Mindless man how can you walk
How do you stroll in a crowd of dupes?
Where are you headed without your guide, sympathy?
A battlefield in front of you
a dark room
and the Italian stiletto awaiting to be grasped
It thirsts for blood
Don’t click on it!

Mindless man
remember your nature
and walk in peace
It’s all you ‘ve got
Love the child
the child inside you
And listen to it
it has so many things to say to you

But you keep it in a gag

16

under egotistical rules
and unethical laws

Mindless man
step out of the mass and transcend
More will follow
You ‘ll not be alone
Don’t be afraid
When Truth shines,
everyone runs towards the light

But,
even if it won’t happen like this
even if we have fallen into dark ages
don’t be scared to act as you must
and raise your hand when others hush
Speak
Speak your truth
Cry it out
Offer it
It’s the most sacred thing of yours
Open your illuminated soul
And love them all
All
Even your enemy
He is not an enemy
He is just at the opposite side still
Bring him close
Once, you were on that side
but you chose wisdom and Love
And it is not an easy choice, yes
but it’s what makes you Human
the one who looks high up above to the Sky
And that’s why you were created

17

Thirst

Your gaze falls upon lit eyes
Know these are eyes of a Man gazing at the Sky
That’s why you call him fellow
He wakes up the faded graven memories of your Soul
These eyes gaze the Sky and you
They offer you the water of commemoration water of who
you are
The water of reminiscence of what is yours
The water of Immortality

But you, little man, you are not thirsty
You are neither thirsty nor hungry
Don’t ask for food or drink
When you have already forsaken these needs
Not even water goes through you
Your insides blocked
Because you are not thirsty

You have set boundaries to Being
And everything outside this framework looks like a shenani-
gan or just mere chance.
You say that Death terrifies you
You should be losing it rather
And yet you welcome your demise

18

Cause that’s how it is
Cause that’s what your logic
and those around you
are telling you to do

No!

No, little man!

If you are afraid of Death fight it

Either fight it like an enemy

Or embrace it like love

These choices, I can understand.

They are truths and hymns of the God and the Soul

But, the compromise

Oh, that compromise

“It’s the nature of human, it ends”

“It’s just a flash and gone”

“At the beginning soil and soil once again”

Oh, that compromise of yours

Your Soul screams, listen little man!
What if you have already witnessed so many deaths
of your people
of your beloved ones
of your Father’s

Still screams Death is a GIANT!

Your Soul is fighting back

Tries hard to pull out the muzzle

It Screams Death is a GIANT!

19

And you try to muzzle it again
with dust and other thoughts
And not only that
but you try teaching it another saying
“That’s how it goes, that’s how it is, I am destined for
this”
“For this ground, for nothing”
“I lived what I lived, it’s ok”
“Health, family, I should be grateful even for those”
“Maybe some extra nice moments, but ok”

And you rest on your oars
Because
that’s what life is all about
that’s what humanity is all about
that’s what death is about
And that’s how it is for everyone

Well
No!
No, little man!
It’s not like that for everyone!
Death is a ticket for the those who can say
- No more nice moments in this grey city.
A ticket that you want to buy
when time comes
wherever it will take you
because you know what?
The dice will roll
What to be scared of? The trip?
The take-off?
This bus flies
and dives into the clouds
and its pilot is The Father
What is there to be scared of?

20

The end?
Yes, that could be a reason
But if you were destined for the end
your Soul would not scream Death is a GIANT!
It would say nothing even without a gag
because you would have been created for this death
You wouldn’t listen a single thing, little man
Come on
It’s obvious

If death scares you, fight it
Either fight it like an enemy
or embrace it like love

Listen fellow,

I don’t expect you to follow me

to neither

I didn’t ask for trips like those from anyone

Human walks by himself and only

But

this darkness on you

when you shine inside

enrages me, little man

because you are not thirsty

21

The waltz of the Great Lover

Even if You are not seen, You are sensed
Sensed as the curse of this world
Down here Your beauty is not gazed
What a silly trick is Your black cloak

You are the highest need
Your purpose making important
all that is small, all that is great
Without the end what would we be?
Greedy little creatures
Without You how would we stand this form?

Who managed to see the light of Your Wisdom?
Provide Your sweet nectar to our souls
So, they can get drunk with angels, stars and skies
You know the secret these are not created for here

Dear Death, don’t ever cease
Even when human’s ego You surcease
Human, he will always need
To walk this Earth with ease

Dear Death, don’t ever cease
You shall bury our bodies when we decease
How ravishing you are and you will be
How tender, like sweet spring smile upon thee
And never cease

Dear Death, don’t ever cease
Just us two alone
Let’s forever bond over a heartfelt waltz song
Just us two alone
Let’s be gone into forever’s dust and bone
You my Cold Lover then move on and on and on

22

23

Forgiveness

If we don’t end up dust
Just if
Someone MUST forgive us
Someone MUST forgive our sins
And the only one who can, is a parent

We, alone, cannot
Neither acquit
nor get acquitted
It’s not possible for human
to forgive humanity
to forgive all the tawdriness
the morbidity
the unlimited seek of pleasure for violence and compliance

Impossible for human to love humanity
What even if Human means Love
What a shame!
And we are in so much need for forgiveness
Forgiveness for ourselves
Forgiveness for the close ones
Forgiveness as a Whole

This reason is more than enough
Someone MUST exist in order to forgive
all our contradictions
all those that, every time, bring us
one step closer

24

to the hell of the Soul of Humanity

We need a Savior
to listen our apologies
to cleanse our Souls
We, alone, will not make it

And that moment WILL come!

Oh, be assured!

The moment WILL come

when we are all going to look squared in the eye if the facts

and face the Facts

Without winkers this time

With infinite eyes not only two

With myriads sensations not only five or -at the best- six

And we ‘ll get horrified!

We will sense and repent

standing in front of the Facts

We will bite our tongue

Our spirit will freeze

Our heads will bend down begging for Forgiveness

Once they get conscious of

what they have tortured

what they have killed

what they have done

Our heads will bow down
When they realize
that they had never looked up
And yelps will come out of our lips

25

But even those
will not be enough
to give us redemption
And then
Father WILL come
He WILL come and cover our lips with kisses
And those yelps will become psalms of Love once again
HE MUST COME
Because without these kisses
our lips will cry out
Endlessly
Aimlessly
Hopelessly
Without even a taste of long-awaited Heaven
That’s why
If we don’t end up dust
If
Someone MUST

26

27

The holy stone of Jerusalem

The stone which you have stepped on
which you have bled on

which your palms leaned on
this stone, now, touches my body

The voices of all these humans in here
are not annoying at all
Everything in here is a prayer
Vibrations of the Earth on which you walked
and of the Words that you whispered
in our exhalations
The exhalations of every single one of us
who came here to feel you closer

You
The Great
The Human
The God

You, who became what you were destined to become
the one that you were destined to become
The one that we are all destined to become

My guy!
You are cool, mate.
Why are you laughing for?
Is it because of what I said?

28

Or Is it because of how I said it?
Come on, you are my buddy
Yeah, you are the coolest One!
No-one ever existed nor will exist like You
You humanized God
You made Human Divine
All achieved, solely with Love
(Your) Love defeated death
(Your) Love defeated fear
(Your) Love turned into sacrifice and hope
Every inch of Yourself for every each and one of us

How cool was that!
Yeah, cool!
Come on now, we are buddies, aren’t we?
You understand me

And I kneel before this coolness of Yours
I bow my head and never lift it up
Here
In order for my spirit to feel you

for my brow to feel you

I know
You will blow air on my hair
Your fingers will gently touch my chin
You will ask from me to look at You in the eyes
I can do that

29

You know me
I don’t give my Soul to slavery
And you never wanted
neither will want something like that
I know it
But
I don’t want
I don’t want to raise my head
I want to stay here
Peregrination
Appreciation
Gratitude

I ask none
I ask forgiveness not
I am bare
My entire spirit whispers only “thank You”
This prayer inside here
this vibration made by my brothers
deep inside, says only “thank You”
Believe that

Don’t you listen to all the desires

The sin of greed is eternal

Neither you listen to all the repentances

The enemy of fear is also eternal

Listen only to our gratefulness
Listen to our deepest “thank You”

And if these appreciations in here
Fail to hollow the chests
whilst enabling words to escape the lips…

30

And if everyone in here came greedy and fearful
And if everyone in here insists on leaving the same
Listen to my appreciation instead
As I am speaking for all of us
Listen to my prayer
As I am praying for all of us
Through my divine soul
I am praying from all of us, for all of us

31

Holy Week

I spent a night in shaking hands
They were shaking in wonderment and laid palms
I was blown out
But survived

Next day
other hands lighten me up
tears showered down on me
Heartache
I survived

And then agony
And then hope
And then tears again

The days in between
cold marble, anticipation
and colorful shining beams
caressing my body
A body shrinking from one moment to the next

And prayers
Many prayers

32

When suddenly
Shaking fingers embraced me again
We stood for a while
I thought I would be lost
I thought that would be the end of me

But
No
I stole a flame from a brother
No, I didn’t steal it
He enkindled me
The shaking hands got me closer to him
And I
I was lucent once again
And I was put inside the ground
by those shaking hands
To burn until I dissolve
With a wish buried with me as well
That would be my last one

“Thank God”
I will be blown out
I will perish, I know
But,
I ignited
I lived
In one wish
Many tears
And many hands

Other candles
End up in the garbage bin
Even without once being lit
Thank God!

33

Your penultimate home

The scent engulfs me
The rose petal, the one I stole from You,
melts in my mouth
Giving my spirit aroma too

No
Not tonight
Good Friday tonight
My mind is racing
How can I stop it?
How can You stop it, since you want to listen to it?

I will disappoint You tonight
Like last night
Good Thursday yesterday
I am sorry

I squeeze the roses from Your grave

They melt in my palm

I wonder do they ease Your pain just a bit?

do they beautify Your death just a bit?

do they resurrect Your loveliness just a bit?

do they offer You the Great Spring?

Your judges -oh, look at them- they kneel before You!

Do You see them?

The ones who had bit You, are sweetly whispering to You!

Do you hear them?

The hands that flayed You, now caress You!

How do You turn the other cheek?
How can You turn it now?
How could You turn it back then?

34

We cannot even love the ones who love us
How could You love Your executioners?
How could You forgive on the Cross?

How could You forgive
when at the bottom of that Cross
they were roaring and hollering “Death!”?


They still roar
Don’t You be eluded by the sweet talk

Your blood was flowing
a blade was infixing
and You said
“Forgive them”?

Forgive me

You, holy white flesh
You became a scarlet thorny rose

And Your lips whispered
“Forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing”?

You, holy white, You who bled for cosmic salvation

What salvation are we talking

about?

How could You perish at Your 33?

How could You choose to perish?

For who’s shake? For what’s shake?

Forgive me

I know
But even if I know, I cannot reach You
The little man inside me takes out the dagger

35

and cuts off ears

tongues

eyes

hearts

This little man makes a war in the name of Love

That’s not the right way, I know

I can’t loom in that way

I just become a worm

Swallowed by the grounds

And You just wanted to fly

to shine

and take us with You

That’s why You turned the other cheek

That’s why You forgave

That’s why Your eyes are an enormous embrace

The whole universe lays in this embrace

and the humans’ hell lays in there, too



And every Easter

You take hope that humanity changes

That Humanity is redeemed through its tears

Soul cleansed



NO, MY BELOVED ONE!

CHRIST, LISTEN TO ME!

HUMANITY IS NOT REDEEMED!

Listen to my roar and then forget about it

But first listen to it

Humanity is not redeemed

Does not seek for redemption

Only wants to experience the drama

To convince its little self

that it can still feel

In two days’ time it will forget

Not even that long

36

Tomorrow
Tomorrow night
Sun will not even get the chance
to shine the third morning
Tomorrow night, Your little man will forget
He doesn’t want the light
He doesn’t seek for the day
He resurrects You, fast enough, in the darkness
He cannot wait for a third day
Does not suit him
His stomach thirsts for blood
and his mouth for swearing
He can wait no longer
and sends fireworks to the sky
in order to dawn faster
All lies!
Drama to comedy
and he deceives himself
that he is still able to feel
So much noise
No essence at all

Forgive my thoughts
Forgive all my thoughts and all my criticism
You know me
I don’t mean all these
Dark thoughts make me gloomy
Forgive me
I will come back to light once again
You know, I know
Patience

37

Oath

This flesh will turn into dust
It will die disintegrate
It will dissolve
Only a soul I will relinquish

Cleanse it so it won’t darken Your skies

Enlighten it to brighten up Your paradise

No, I am not one of Your kindest children

But I am one of Your most loyal ones

And I don’t hesitate to be on the front line of the battle

I am one of Your bravest ones, be sure about that

Kind of dreary, sometimes

-nothing to worry about

Only games with little devil

We both know he always faces

defeat-

but fearless

Put my Soul on the front line
Don’t have second thoughts about doing so
I will protect You
I will protect Love

38

I will not lose my courage not even for an instant
You will see

Along with my Glorious Brothers as guides
we will shimmer across the universe

And then You will see
You will see that all Your sorrows worth your while
You will see that we are not so sordid as we looked
So despicable
No, deep inside, we aren’t

We will shoot fireworks into the sky that will never fade away
We will sing psalms that will never fall silent
We will never turn our back on You
No-one will ever harm You again
Oath taken







The collection of Poetry “THE LAST MOMENT”
was translated in

2020 by Konstantina Nikolaidi.

Revision of translation by Ioulia Pappa

Ilia Pappa is an actress, writer and
translator, who lives in London bridging the
Greek temperament and the British multi-culti
with speech - written or oral. She has studied

English Language and Literature at the
National and Kapodistrian University of
Athens, Translation at London Metropolitan

University and has specialized in
theatre both in Athens and abroad (LAT,

YATI, CSSD etc.) More about
the wandering “Villager of Ioannina City”

her adventures and work can
be found on www.spotlight.com
898-0197-3345, www.pi-translate.com

and @ ilia.a.pappa.