2022-05-01 Reader's Digest Canada

KNOCK, KNOCK people still going out to
large gatherings.

— BEN SCHWARTZ, actor

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it’s pro-
nounced kangaroo.

— @YESYESYO13

“Son, some day all these knock-knock jokes will be yours.” Will you remember me
in a minute? Yes.
Will you remember me
in a week? Yes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
You didn’t remember
me!

— @MADISONCARLY26

SUSAN CAMILLERI KONAR Knock, knock. A Royal Pain Grand Finale
Who’s there? Knock, knock. Knock, knock.
Hike. Who’s there? Who’s there?
Hike who? Edward Rex. Candace.
I didn’t know you liked Edward Rex who? Candace who?
Japanese poetry. Edward wrecks the cor- Candace be the last
onation. knock, knock joke?
— FATHERLY.COM
— @DUNCAN_GATES — @KNOCKKNOCKJOKES
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Consider a Staycation Send us your original
Oink. Knock, knock. jokes! You could earn
Oink who? Who’s there? $50 and be featured
Make up your mind. Armageddon. in the magazine. See
Are you a pig or an owl? Armageddon who? page 7 or rd.ca/joke
Armageddon tired of for details.
— @LUKESTEIN

rd.ca 49

LIFE LESSON

All

How to

quiet your

Talkinner critics
IN 2017, A FEW MONTHS after Meredith Davis of Guelph
BY Christina Palassio had her third child, her husband went back to work
and she found herself alone at home, trying to manage
photograph by nikki ormerod three kids under the age of four. She was 35, and the
stress of balancing her older children’s needs and
caring for her new baby was taking its toll. “I felt like
my life imploded,” she says. “All I could hear was
this loud, glaring voice saying ‘You’re not a good

50 may 2022

reader’s digest

reader’s digest

mom. You’re not cut out for this.’” thinks about growing her business,
The more stressed she became, the she’ll find herself thinking, Why would
anyone want to meet with you? or,
louder her inner critic got, leaving You’re not good enough to take on this
her exhausted and struggling to feel new project.
present with her family. She soon con-
tracted pneumonia and shingles—and In the past, that voice could stop her
realized she needed to do something from pursuing her goals. Now she’s
to manage her negative self-talk. learned to spot her inner critic’s favou-
rite topics and regain control. First,
Our interior monologue is influ- she’ll acknowledge the challenge she’s
enced by the people in our lives (our facing, then she’ll interrupt the nega-
parents and caregivers when we’re tive self-talk and show herself some
young, our peers, partners and bosses kindness instead. “Sometimes I just
when we’re older) and the cultural put my hand on my heart and acknowl-
messages and beliefs that surround us. edge, ‘This is hard,’” she says.
And it’s active! Experts estimate we can
talk to ourselves as much as 4,000 Start by keeping a log of your trig-
words a minute. gers. Ask yourself what the situation
was. What did your inner critic say?
Our inner voice can be very helpful, How did it make you feel? How did you
reminding us where we put our keys or react? After a few weeks, you’ll have a
to be careful when we’re walking on an list of your triggers and a greater
icy sidewalk. But challenges and stress awareness of how you are or aren’t
in our relationships, jobs, financial managing them. It may feel like a lot of
affairs and the world around us can turn work—and your inner critic may try to
up the volume on our inner critic. This talk you out of it!—but there’s a lot at
can lead to negative self-talk and, some- stake if you don’t act.
times, self-sabotage—say, convincing
ourselves we’ll never get that job or that Ethan Kross, the author of Chatter:
we don’t deserve a partner’s love. The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters,
and How to Harness It, warns that neg-
Luckily, there are practical actions ative chatter can undermine our ability
you can take to shush your self- to think and perform. It can create fric-
critical chatter. tion in our relationships, and also has
the potential to undermine our physi-
Name Your Triggers cal health. Research shows that nega-
tive self-talk can help fuel our stress
A good first step in managing your response, which can lead to sleep dis-
inner critic is to notice what sets it off. orders and an increased incidence of
Davis realized hers gets chatty when it cardiovascular illness.
comes to her work. She runs a consult-
ing firm and, sometimes, when she

52 may 2022

Create Some experience,” she adds. “If we’re not
Friendly Distance managing our inner voice, then it’s
going to manage us.”
Once you’ve named your triggers, it
can help to reframe the conversation. Look Outside Yourself
To do this, Davis asks herself: what’s a
thought that’s more positive than this Professional coaches, partners, friends
one and is also one that I can believe? and family can be important allies in
For example, “I’m a terrible mom” our quest to conquer negative self-talk.
becomes “Maybe I’m not the best Davis relies on her psychologist, her
mom in the world, but I’m trying.” husband and a couple of favourite pod-
casts to give her the right tools, confi-
Kross’s research shows that distanc- dence and motivation. Together they
ing techniques are also effective in act as sounding boards and remind her
breaking the chatter loop. Say you’re of the techniques she can use.
ruminating on an incident where you
were impatient with your parent, and Research also shows that awe can be
your inner voice is telling you that a powerful circuit breaker against our
you’re a terrible, uncaring child. Try inner critic. That’s because it opens up
addressing yourself in the second or a world of feeling beyond our own
third person. So instead of berating needs and wants. Awe can come in
yourself with “Why did I lose my cool?” many forms: a beautiful hike in the
ask “Why did Christina lose her quiet woods, seeing live music, watch-
cool?” It can take the oxygen out of the ing your kids do something they love.
shame and blame and make room for It’s all about putting yourself in a dif-
objectivity and curiosity about how ferent frame of mind.
to address the issue.
Reichman Van Toch adds that fun
Jane Reichman Van Toch, a Montreal- and play can work to change the
based executive coach and consultant, channel, too. For example, when one
has clients who struggle with impostor of her clients’ inner critics prevented
syndrome behaviours at work. Some- them from being present and effective
times, when they tell her they’re not at work, she suggested trying an
good enough for their job, she encour- improv class—something that is all
ages them to look at their own CV and about being in the moment with oth-
pretend it belongs to an applicant. Does ers and not lost in the negative loops
this person have the skills and experi- of their mind.
ence for the job? The answer, more
often than not, is yes. Finding strategies to manage nega-
tive self-talk will keep you in good stead
“We often act on our inner mono- throughout every stage of life. Luckily,
logue more than we act on our outer it’s never too late to get started.

rd.ca 53

reader’s digest

AS KIDS SEE IT

“Licked clean. I’m better than our dishwasher!”

My two-year-old grand- I was telling my kids I gave my daughter a ROSE ANNE PREVEC
daughter wandered over dinner that their hug in public yesterday.
into the kitchen to wash father was the nicest
her hands. Her mom, man in the world. She responded, “You
who was busy, told her know, distance makes
to use the bathroom “Well, there has to be my heart grow fonder.”
sink instead. at least one man who’s
nicer, right?” said my — @IDONTSPEAKWHINE
My granddaughter’s four-year-old.
response? “Mommy is Me: Why are you in
giving me attitude!” My two-year-old the closet?
then piped up, “Maybe My 11-year-old: I like to
— LYN THOMPSON, it’s Jesus!” fart in here.

Ilderton, Ont. — KATE REICKER, Ottawa — @MARYFAIRYBOBRRY

54 may 2022

“You were once an egg in My daughter has informed me that she
my belly,” I told my son. wants $100 from the tooth fairy. Her reason:
He didn’t react at all. “I really liked that tooth.”

The next day, how- — MARA SCHIAVOCAMPO, reporter
ever, he came to me
crying and asked, “Am I okay, Mom, keep prac- born, when you were
your son or a chicken’s?” tising. One day you’ll be still in my tummy.”
able to do it quickly.”
— REDDIT.COM “I hated it then, too,”
— CHRISTINE SIMARD, he replied.
My six-year-old was
quietly eating his cereal Montreal — @ALICETAYLORM
when he paused and
said, unprompted, “I My five-year-old loves A little girl and her mom
hope my sister isn’t a to come up with relax- were looking at me in
criminal when she ing bedtime topics such the coffee shop this
grows up.” as “what happens when morning. Finally, the lit-
you die” and “natural tle girl shuffled up to me,
— @MAMANEEDSACOKE disasters.” pointed at my tattoos
and asked, “Do you have
When my daughter was — @WILDRAINBOW2 to put those on by your-
seven, she was horrified self every day or does
to learn that her grand- My six-year-old con- your mom help you?”
parents had real names fronted his little sister
and were not, in fact, after one of his Lego fig- — TUMBLR.COM
called Jeans (Grandma ures went missing.
liked wearing jeans) Looking at her through My son, describing his
and Keys (Grandpa the crib bars, he said best friend in kinder-
always held the keys). calmly yet sternly, “Ella, garten: “He doesn’t
tell me where Steve is.” really speak English, so
— GLORIA MYERS, we can skip all the
— ASHLEY ASHFIELD, talking and just get
Scarborough right to the karate.”
Hampton, N.B.
My five-year-old wanted — @HENPECKEDHAL
to learn about the tai I was singing a lullaby
chi classes I was taking, to my three-year-old Send us your original
so I showed her some and he told me he jokes! You could earn $50
moves. At first she was hated it. and be featured in the
totally taken aback. But magazine. See page 7 or
later she hugged me “That’s a shame,” I rd.ca/joke for details.
and whispered, “It’s said. “I used to sing it to
you before you were

rd.ca 55

reader’s digest

A harbour view
of Gibsons, B.C.

ENVIRONMENT

How one logging town is
winning the battle against

the climate crisis

BY Alanna Mitchell FROM BROADVIEW

rd.ca 57

reader’s digest

Schitt’s Creek became the symbol of all The “Gibsons model” is part of a (PREVIOUS SPREAD) CLAYTON PERRY; (OPPOSITE) TECHNOLOGY AND INDUSTRY CONCEPTS/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO
that is good about small-town Canada, brand-new way of thinking and talking
another TV series catapulted a real-life about environmental problems. It’s
Canadian place to international fame: called “nature-based solutions.” The
The Beachcombers, filmed on site in basic idea: Mother Nature can help
Gibsons, B.C. From its first episode heal climate change and other ways
in 1972 until the finale in 1990, viewers we’ve destroyed the environment, if
around the world followed an ensemble only we’ll let her. That could mean cre-
of characters as they salvaged timber ating landscapes that imitate nature or
lost from log booms, swigged coffee simply leaving nature alone to do her
at Molly’s Reach diner and figured out own thing. In the fight against rising
how to put Canada’s best foot forward, carbon levels, it’s a secret weapon
complete with a catchy theme song. that’s been hiding in plain sight.

The series was a portrait of a hard- In 2020 the International Union for
scrabble world where you took what the Conservation of Nature launched
you could from the land and the sea, a set of global standards for nature-
by chainsaw, backhoe, fishing gear or based solutions, saying that, if done
plucky tugboat. And sure, the scenery properly, these techniques could suck
was terrific, but it wasn’t the main point. up so much carbon that they could get
Nature was the backdrop. us more than a third of the way toward
keeping global heating below 2 C. If it
Today, Gibsons is known for some- works, it will be a very big deal.
thing quite different. It is one of the
first municipalities in the world to Canada, so rich in wilderness, is posi-
declare that nature has a formal book tioning itself to be one of the global
value in a town’s accounts. That means leaders in nature-based solutions. Also
the aquifer that sits underneath Gib- in 2020, the federal government pledged
sons has a place in the financial life of $3.9 billion to the effort over the coming
the community of 4,600 residents, just decade. That’s earmarked for planting
like the roads do. And town officials two billion trees and figuring out how
have to maintain this natural infrastruc- to coax wetlands, peatlands, grasslands
ture just like they do with traditional and even agricultural lands to absorb
bricks-and-mortar assets. more carbon.

And then there’s Gibsons. This town,
once the face of rapacious logging, is
now leading the charge.

gibsons was my second childhood
home. One whole side of my father’s

58 may 2022

family moved there after the Second of life or sponges for carbon. In fact,

World War—his grandparents and their the beach was littered with exactly the

children and grandchildren. Some of type of stuff that Bruno Gerussi’s char-

the great-grandchildren live there still. acter was trying to snag: massive logs,

My dad’s mother, Eva Oliver, lived in hacked down from old forests, that had

a tiny house near the ocean, and we escaped on their journey to the mill.

spent most of our summer holidays Logging, fishing and subsistence

there. My siblings and I loved going to agriculture were the lifeblood of the

the beach, although these were not the town, and had been from about the time

sandy beaches of Caribbean holiday George Gibson, a British former naval

brochures. They were rocky and hell- officer, planted a 100-tree orchard there

ishly hard on tender young feet. The in 1886 so he could set up a fruit trade

saving grace was the abundance of with Vancouver. It was a bold play.

tide pools where creatures collected: Even today, there’s no road access to

minuscule crabs, tiny fish, strips of Gibsons, which is in a remote location

algae. I used to crouch down, peering up the twisty coast from Vancouver. To

into their mysteries for hours. get there, you must take a 40-minute

At that time—a couple of years before trip across the mouth of Howe Sound

The Beachcombers first aired—few peo- (now formally known as Átl’ka7tsem/

ple saw the beach or any of the town’s Txwnéwu7ts/Howe Sound) by BC Fer-

other wild spaces as sacred reservoirs ries, a charter or your own boat.

Shortly after the turn of the

20th century, a pulp and paper

mill began operating at Port

Mellon on Rainy River, drawing

people from Gibsons by boat

and later by road. More enter-

prises followed, including a cop-

per mine on the shores of Howe

Sound. For decades, toxic efflu-

ents such as dioxins, furans and

metals including copper, alu-

minum and iron were poured

into the ocean. To me, the har-

The pulp and bour always smelled of motor
paper mill in oil, fish grease and desperation.
Howe Sound, B.C.
By the 1980s, the contami-
nation in Howe Sound was so

rd.ca 59

reader’s digest

severe that the government was forced Graham Saul, the executive direc- (LEFT) ALL CANADA PHOTOS/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO; (RIGHT) GEOFF TOMLIN-HOOD FOR SUNSHINE COAST TOURISM
to close down much of the fishery for tor of Nature Canada, has been track-
health reasons. And by 1995, the govern- ing the evolution of this idea. He
ment began regulating the chemicals recalls some of the tortured discus-
the mills could spill into the sound. sions at international conferences about
a forerunner to nature-based solutions
Making sure the environment wasn’t called LULUCF, the acronym for land
lethally toxic from waste chemicals was use, land use change and forestry. It
a big shift in thinking. But the town still represented a fiendishly complex give-
had a long way to go. and-take calculation of how humans
are affecting the carbon cycle through
THE TOWN’S AQUIFER such things as converting wild land-
WAS ALREADY scapes to farms, cutting down trees
and planting trees. It was a difficult
FUNCTIONING AS ITS concept to explain or get people to
KIDNEYS, BUT COULD care about, even fervent climate activ-
ists, Saul says.
IT DO MORE?
By comparison, nature-based solu-
with astonishing speed, the idea that tions have a visceral, intuitive, holistic
nature can help the planet heal has appeal. In Winnipeg, for example,
taken hold among academics and envi- new neighbourhood developments are
ronmentalists. They believe environ- required to use constructed wetlands
mental answers lie not only in newer, for stormwater treatment. Previously,
fancier technology, but in nurturing conventional stormwater basins suf-
wilderness itself. In other words, the fered from poor water quality. Accord-
technology we need is already growing ing to Pascal Badiou, a scientist with
on the planet. Ducks Unlimited Canada’s Institute
for Wetland and Waterfowl Research,
The 2019 Climate Action Summit held this resulted in most of these basins
at the United Nations was a turning developing blue-green algal blooms.
point. China and New Zealand both The algal blooms would use up all the
took the international stage to promote oxygen in the water, fouling it for other
nature-based solutions. And businesses life forms, and increase emissions of
are starting to get on the bandwagon, methane, a potent greenhouse gas
according to CDP, a not-for-profit char- (GHG) that eventually converts to car-
ity that runs a global disclosure system bon dioxide in the atmosphere. By con-
for investors about companies’ envi- trast, the constructed wetlands have
ronmental impacts. much better water quality and lower

60 may 2022

overall GHG emissions. The areas are But Emanuel Machado, the town’s
also hotbeds of life: flowers, insects chief administrative and resiliency
and birds. officer, and other officials wondered
whether there was another option. Gib-
That’s a necessary hallmark of any sons had already begun thinking about
nature-based solution: it must serve the financial value of its natural assets,
more than one function at the same based on what it would cost to construct
time. “It’s a lot more than just draw- systems to provide similar services.
ing down carbon,” Badiou says. “More
important is that it helps adapt and One of those assets was an aquifer
mitigate the actual impacts of cli- nestled underneath the upper town,
mate change.” surrounded by creeks. Officials knew
that the aquifer was already functioning
in gibsons, the road to becoming a as the town’s kidneys, storing and filter-
global environmental pioneer began ing water. But they wondered if it could
with the need to improve its ability to do more. So in 2014 they approached
cope with stormwater surges and protect Michelle Molnar, an environmental
its drinking water source, the Gibsons economist at the David Suzuki Founda-
Aquifer. A construction project involving tion, for help in evaluating just what
concrete pipes came with an estimated the aquifer was capable of.
price tag of $4.5 million, a sum so hefty
the town would have had to borrow. Using tools that were developed
by the United States Environmental

The Gibsons area is
now home to many

trails and parks.

rd.ca 61

reader’s digest

Protection Agency and Stanford Univer- signed up immediately, from Surrey,
sity, Molnar and her colleagues showed B.C., to Charlottetown. It’s a small
that expanding ponds around the aqui- percentage of the 3,600 municipalities
fer would do the drainage job better in Canada, but it’s a start. And it’s a
than the concrete pipes and at lower trend running hard against controver-
cost. The plan also meant beefing up sial moves in Ontario, where some cit-
habitat for creatures living around the ies are using special orders to fast-
aquifer, another bonus. track development, potentially doing
so on wetlands.
“Nature’s option was projected to
cost about 25 cents on the dollar—and Molnar says the initiative repairs an
it has,” Machado says. “We can get more economic blind spot. “At the time we
stormwater treated on the site than the developed our economic systems,
pipe would ever be able to take, partic- we had the view that nature was limit-
ularly in extreme weather events and less,” she says. “I couldn’t understand
future events.” why the economic discipline, which is
devoted to how to manage scarce
WE’RE ADDRESSING resources, hadn’t been updated.”
CLIMATE CHANGE
AND PROTECTING LIFE Meanwhile, Machado and his team
ON EARTH AT THE have presented their system to the fed-
eral government and to groups in South
SAME TIME. Africa, New Zealand and the United
Kingdom. Officials from other parts of
The aquifer has its own line item in the world have made the pilgrimage
the annual budget. Monitoring its ser- to Gibsons to see the innovations for
vices costs about $30,000 a year. And themselves. “Most people in Gibsons
while Machado says the aquifer itself have no idea that this is happening,
is “priceless,” the value of its services is that nature-based solutions are being
appreciating over time, especially as developed right here in their back-
the climate becomes less predictable. yard,” Machado says.

In December 2020 the Municipal Gibsons has also changed its bylaws
Natural Assets Initiative, which Gib- and policies to encourage citizens to
sons co-founded, launched a project assess the value of the nature that sur-
to encourage 30 municipalities to build rounds them. In the old days, for exam-
an inventory of their natural assets and ple, developers of new subdivisions
learn how to manage them. Twenty-two would scrape everything off a plot of
land before building. Now, they have to
identify what natural infrastructure is
already there before they start to build.

62 may 2022

Molnar has been fascinated by the that I used to think I knew intimately
changes within the community. Like so but, I now realize, I barely knew at all.
many others, she knew Gibsons before The last time I was there in person—
she started to work there because she at my grandmother’s house—I had
loved watching The Beachcombers. “It no frame for understanding how it all
feels like an evolution,” she says. works together.

nature–based solutions offer great I wanted to know how it would feel for
promise, but they are not climate sal- me to live there now. My friend Wendy
vation. Even if they were maxed out Francis, who moved there in 2016, tells
around the world, they would only me that escaped logs still wash up on
succeed in soaking up enough carbon shore, just as they did in the days of The
emissions to get us a third of the way to Beachcombers. And Gibsons, a rural
solving our climate emergency. That’s community after all, is still playing
why, in addition to funding nature- catch-up on big-city givens like recy-
based solutions, Canada has pledged cling. The mill remains in operation,
to be at net-zero emissions by 2050. although it now has state-of-the-art
environmental controls. But for all that,
As Saul puts it, nature-based solu- the place is a wilderness wonderland.
tions are one piece of a huge and com- Francis moved there because of its rich
plex puzzle. “They’re about how we nature offerings: cross-country skiing,
can both address climate change and and so many hiking and biking trails
restore and protect life on earth at the she says you can hardly count them.
same time,” he says. “So that is in many
ways much more interesting than a She recently bought a kayak. I’ve seen
solar panel or an electric vehicle.” photos of one of her journeys. The ocean
was as flat as a mirror. She says she
Last year, Machado took me on a passed a small island covered with bick-
virtual tour of the watershed that feeds ering sea lions. Some were belching.
the town, from Mount Elphinstone Seals frolicked nearby, and harlequin
overlooking Gibsons, to the creeks that ducks hugged the shore as she pad-
run through the community and to dled back to Gibsons. To me, it now
the coast, Pebbles Beach, that I once looked like the promised land.
played on. It was an astonishing envi-
ronmental bird’s-eye view of a place © 2021, ALANNA MITCHELL. FROM “THE BEACHCOMBERS’
TOWN IS NOW FAMOUS FOR FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE,”
BROADVIEW (MAY 18, 2021), BROADVIEW.ORG

Checkmate

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing.

EMO PHILIPS

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reader’s digest

HEART

Important
lessons I’ve
learned while
playing board
games with

my kids

BY Erin Pepler MY SON, A SIX-YEAR-OLD boy in a dinosaur T-shirt,
sits across from me in front of a chessboard that
FROM SEND ME INTO THE once belonged to his great-grandfather. He’s hold-
WOODS ALONE ing a plastic knight in his little hand and humming
quietly to himself as he debates his next move with
illustration by spencer ashley the intensity of a chess master in his prime. His
eight-year-old sister watches carefully. She’s going
to play the winner, so she wants to know what
she’s up against. As with any serious chess match,
an episode of Wild Kratts, an animal show for
kids, plays on a nearby TV.

rd.ca 65

reader’s digest

My son turns his head toward the TV showing them that Mommy excels at
and then back again. “Did you know murder-themed games.
that hippos can’t really swim?” he
offers casually. The knight moves, and This isn’t just my competitive streak
he takes one of my pieces. Dammit. in action—I also need to engage fully
And wait, how is that possible about rather than watering myself down in
hippos? How long can they hold their the name of being a mom. If I sit there
breath, and what happens when they with my kids, letting them beat me at
sink? Are hippo drownings an issue checkers again and again just so they
I’ve never known about? Our game feel good about themselves, I’m doing
carries on, neck and neck, the Kratt them no favours. I’m not doing myself
brothers continuing their impossible any favours, either. I’d be performing a
adventure in the background. routine, one where I’m a playmate, not
a whole person—a prop, rather than a
When I play a board game with my human being with motivation and
children, I want to win. It doesn’t mat- skills. I’d be bored.
ter if it’s cards or Monopoly or the chil-
dren’s version of The Settlers of Cat- I SIP A COFFEE
an—I’ll happily destroy them. I did not WHILE I LOOK MY
go through pregnancy and birth two KID IN THE EYE AND
humans just so I could pretend to be CAPTURE HIS PIECE
bad at chess. I mean, I’m not particu- WITH NO REMORSE.
larly good at chess, either, but I’m still
going to try my best. MY SON MAKES his bishop do a little
dance, commenting on how many of
If they make a bad move, I let them my pawns he’s taken. I move my rook
make it. I’ll clearly explain the rules of and exact my revenge. “Dammit!” my
the game, but if they fall into a trap child mutters under his breath.
because they weren’t paying attention, Because he is six years old, I remind
so be it—better luck next time. I love a him not to curse, but I’m secretly
good board game and I love my kids, amused. We eye each other’s pieces,
and I respect them too much to treat trying to anticipate next moves. His
them like delicate flowers who will sister has wandered off to find a snack.
wilt in the face of defeat. I’m playing
to win, and they’re doing the same. I love these times with my children,
Failure has an important role in child- casually sprawled around the ottoman
hood development and building resil- in the living room. We laugh, we get
ience. When I take them down in Clue,
I’m teaching them that it takes prac-
tice and effort to succeed. Also, I’m

66 may 2022

mildly frustrated when the game isn’t you note in a baby book, but when your
going our way, we chirp at each other children beat you and your partner in
and have fun. The competition is real, Pictionary for the first or the 50th time,
but each battle ends with a friendly it feels like you’ve done something right.
“good game,” and then my children
immediately request one more round. For years, I felt guilty about being
This is how we manage the after-school the type of parent who begrudgingly
lull or find quiet moments on a lazy gave horsey rides and was always
Sunday afternoon. It’s close to paradise. quick to suggest that Daddy does them
better. I didn’t give myself nearly
So much of my life is spent with my enough credit for all the love and
children, nurturing their interests and attention I gave to my kids because I
abilities. I happily bake with them, sit felt so bad about the handful of things
and draw pictures, take them hiking, I wasn’t good at or didn’t do. Some
show them how to pick herbs or plant families bond over sports or Lego,
flowers in the garden, play tetherball while others play backgammon. The
in the backyard, or I read them endless love comes through, no matter what
stories. But I’m no good at playing your quality time looks like—even if it’s
dolls or pretending to be a pirate. I lack a semi-intense game of chess.
the ability to get lost in any imaginative
game in which I have to be a character My son usually takes the win these
or, even worse, an animal. days. He’s mastered the art of playing
well while half-watching a cartoon.
Games, however, are where I feel at He’ll hover a hand over his king, his
ease. They differ from other types of eyes wandering toward the TV as he
play-based interaction because they’re spouts a random biology fact. The more
a dedicated task for my brain. I can he does this, the more distracted I get,
sip a coffee while I look my kid in the and yet he always seems to be two
eye, capture his piece with no remorse, moves ahead. “Got you, Mama,” he’ll
then watch him jump up in glee when say triumphantly, slamming his player
he figures out a countermove. High down as he closes in on my king. “I got
fives all around. you so good. Can we play again?”

That said, the only thing that out- We eventually run out of game time,
weighs my desire to win is my pride in with dinners and homework and bed-
having happy, smart, capable children. times always on the horizon, but
I’m thrilled when they do beat me. It’s tomorrow, or the day after, my answer
no different than seeing your kid fare is always yes.
well on their report card or score a goal
in soccer—they’re succeeding, and it EXCERPTED FROM SEND ME INTO THE WOODS ALONE,
feels good. It may not be a milestone BY ERIN PEPLER. COPYRIGHT © 2022, BY ERIN PEPLER.
PUBLISHED BY INVISIBLE PUBLISHING. REPRODUCED
BY ARRANGEMENT WITH THE PUBLISHER. ALL
RIGHTS RESERVED.

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reader’s digest

SOCIETY

JEH OVAH ’ S W ITN E SS ES BE L I EVE
THAT EVIL SURROUNDS US.
W HAT I S H OU LD HAVE F EAR ED
WA S T HE REL IGIO N I TSE LF.

AMONG DEMONS

BY Daniel Allen Cox FROM MAISONNEUVE

photograph by cindy boyce

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reader’s digest

IN THE SUMMER

OF 1984, WHEN

I WA S E I G H T,

my parents took me on a trip to Sauble sleepless and before our rental was up,
Beach, Ontario. While they tanned, I and drove back home to Montreal.
played in the waves of Lake Huron, built
sandcastles and befriended seagulls. What most people know about Jeho-
The water wasn’t that deep, and there vah’s Witnesses is that they proselytize
was otherwise nothing to be afraid of. on street corners, telling strangers they
But it was a different story at night in can live forever on a paradise earth.
our rented cabin. They’re the ever-smiling Christians
who don’t vote and who discourage
A clock kept falling off the wall, no their kids from going to university
matter how many times we put it back because they would be better served
up. Same thing with the toilet seat by attending meetings and missionary
that kept slamming down. It had to be training organized by the Watch Tower
demons, my mom told me; they swirled Society, the group that controls all Wit-
through the drafty shack all night, angry ness life and is the sole source for what
that we were Jehovah’s Witnesses, deter- it calls “the truth.”
mined to convince us of the superiority
of evil. My mom sat on my bed and Few outsiders are aware how much
prayed for deliverance: “Jehovah, Jeho- JWs see their own persecution as irre-
vah, Jehovah.” We left the cabin early, futable evidence that they’re on the right
path. Whenever a country’s government

70 may 2022

bans their preaching work or shutters and walked out of the building. The
Kingdom Halls, the group says, “See? Watchtower, the Witnesses’ flagship
They wouldn’t do that if we didn’t have magazine, told us to destroy anything
the truth.” When the apparent perse- that showed evidence of possession. I
cution takes a more paranormal slant, had a Smurfs sing-along record that
they believe that the Devil and his gang skipped. It couldn’t have had anything
of demons are behind it. to do with the quarter-sized hole in it.
I watched, both horrified and grateful,
The Watch Tower Society constantly as my uncle smashed it with a rock in
warned us not to view the occult as the backyard.
harmless fun, the way it is often por-
trayed in pop culture. Ouija boards were THE SOCIETY
off limits. We couldn’t celebrate birth-
days, as they were seen to displease God C O N S TA N T LY
because of their pagan origins and con-
nections to astrology. On Halloween, WA R N E D U S N O T T O
we turned off our lights so we wouldn’t
be harassed by goblins and witches VIEW THE OCCULT
seeking candy. I wasn’t allowed to eat
Lucky Charms cereal because shooting AS HARMLESS FUN.
stars, green clovers and horseshoes
were “magically delicious.” Fearing the Where did all this leave me? I’d been
occult was our group obsession. born into a religion that used panic
to keep us in fear, so we would stick
FEAR OF SATAN has always existed in around for Jehovah’s protection. When
some form or other, but it was brew- the article “An Epidemic of Homosexu-
ing with new intensity in the North als” came out in a 1983 issue of Awake!
American consciousness in the 1960s, magazine (companion to The Watch-
around the time the Manson family tower), I was too young to understand
murdered at least eight people and it meant that I would myself someday
Anton LaVey founded the Church of become feared and subject to the
Satan. By the 1970s, The Exorcist had group’s cruel shunning policies. I didn’t
entered the public imagination. By the know how easily the adults I trusted
1980s, Satanic Panic was in full swing. could betray me, and I wasn’t supposed
to know. We were taught to fear our
In 1983, a rumour crept from King- own minds and to “reject the goal of
dom Hall to Kingdom Hall: one Sun- independent thinking.”
day at a Jehovah’s Witness meeting a
stuffed Smurf allegedly slithered out So in darkness I continued. Not once
of a child’s lap, shouted obscenities during the 18 years I was a member did

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anyone warn me to watch out for Jeho- Witness that was slightly beyond the
vah and everything being done in that rules. Still, the degree to which a famous
strange ghost’s name. Jehovah’s Witness could rely on their
special status was limited. In the 1983
It was the warning I had needed music video Thriller, Jackson appears
the most. with the eyes, fangs and claws of a
werecat. The elders at his congregation
IT WAS EMBARRASSING to be a Jehovah’s in California weren’t okay with this
Witness at school. I drew unwanted occult sensibility and threatened to dis-
attention for not celebrating my birth- fellowship him.
day, and I was once called into the prin-
cipal’s office for refusing to do Valen- Disfellowshipping is a form of JW dis-
tine’s Day arts and crafts. I was the only cipline reserved for serious transgres-
Witness that teachers and fellow stu- sions of the rules. The disfellowshipped
dents knew, so they asked me a million person can still attend meetings but
questions out of curiosity. can’t participate or socialize. Family
and other congregation members don’t
SHUNNING MEMBERS speak to them, save for exceptional
AFTER A SERIOUS circumstances. The JWs believe this
policy is kindness, not cruelty, and that
TRANSGRESSION OF shunning will teach a lesson. But the
THE RULES IS MEANT net result is that someone in crisis is
TO TEACH A LESSON. cut off from most of their social, famil-
ial and spiritual supports.
I’m not sure if they knew that Michael
Jackson was the most famous Witness Jackson wanted to stay in the group,
to moonwalk the earth. His religious so he begged his team to destroy the
background—the fact that he and Thriller tapes. Instead, his legal advisor
most of his family were raised as JWs— convinced him to find a solution to
wasn’t much discussed. Jehovah’s keep the video and quiet the elders.
Witnesses aren’t supposed to take Thriller starts with a card that reads:
jobs that place them in the limelight, “Due to my strong personal convic-
because that would be taking attention tions, I wish to stress that this film in
away from Jehovah. no way endorses a belief in the occult.”

But once JW stars like Jackson By the late 1980s, Jackson had been
achieved a measure of fame, they disciplined for reasons that likely
entered—unofficially—a category of included sexual suggestiveness in his
videos and dance routines. When the
elders commanded Jackson to shun
his sister La Toya, who hadn’t been

72 may 2022

The author at age 14

COURTESY OF DANIEL ALLEN COX going to meetings, he instead disasso- guitar and keys, and we spent hours in
ciated from the Witnesses. the studio obsessing over effects and
fader levels, trying to create the kind
I found myself wondering how much of mystical experience that we’d been
leeway I would be granted if I deviated taught could only be found through
from “the truth.” Would I be given as the Holy Spirit. We began turning to
many chances as Jackson had to break music, instead of Jehovah, for tran-
the rules before being expelled? scendence. Now, when I listen to the
sole, warbly cassette that remains of
IN MY TEENS, I started an alternative our recording sessions, I can hear
rock band with two congregation moments of yearning for escape amid
friends. Making music was allowed in a whole lot of mediocrity.
the Jehovah’s Witnesses, so long as we
didn’t try to emulate singers who were When I say escape, I mean I could
“worldly,” meaning anyone outside hear queerness. I had known for years
“the truth.” (Secretly I made Prince an that I was queer, which for JWs is a sin
exception because of his genius, and that leads to destruction at Armaged-
maybe also because I could feel some- don—when, according to the religion,
thing liberating in his music.) Jehovah and his son Jesus will liter-
ally kill billions of non-JWs, leaving
I began reading Billboard and its their bodies to rot in the streets. At
Canadian equivalent, Chart. I learned

rd.ca 73

reader’s digest

the appointed time, God would smite other contraband cereal I could find.
me to pieces and leave my bones for When I celebrated my first Halloween
the birds. Fear of my final fate did with the new friends I had found, I
nothing to deter me. When I was 18, I wore a ghoul mask and knocked on
started having sex with other men. doors in my neighbourhood without a
Watchtower script for the first time.
One evening, I was bowling with a
congregation friend and made the com- AFTER I LEFT
ment that her boyfriend was hand- THE SOCIETY,
some. The congregation’s presiding MY MORE PIOUS
elder found out, confirmed with me FRIENDS STOPPED
that I was queer and then gave me the SPEAKING TO ME.
option to leave the group voluntarily
to avoid disfellowshipping. I decided to By this point, I was no longer in the
mail a letter to the body of elders band, but music was still key to dis-
renouncing my membership. I never covering who I was as a queer man. I
kept a copy, but I know it’s the best built a collection of albums to have sex
thing I’ve ever written—proof that I to, which included multiple copies of
could think outside of the group’s nar- Prince’s Purple Rain. (To my disap-
row parameters and envision a world pointment, he became a JW in 2001.)
where the real me could flourish. After, When I went to arenas and stadiums, it
I told my mother so she wouldn’t be was no longer to suffer through Witness
surprised when they announced the conventions—it was to attend concerts
news at the next meeting. She and I that electrified me in a way Jehovah
are still trying to heal from the pain of never could. Music created the new
that conversation. neural pathways I needed to finally
think for myself.
My more pious friends and their
families stopped speaking to me, and PRINCE DIED A WITNESS in good stand-
the elders never checked in to see ing, which qualifies him to be resur-
how I was doing. Others, including rected in Paradise. The Witnesses
my mother and my bandmates, broke believe that billions of the dead—a
the rules and maintained contact, but combination of JWs and “worldly” peo-
I was still lonely and isolated. This was ple who hadn’t gotten a chance to
before Internet use was so ubiquitous, hear the Kingdom message—will come
and there was no one—aside from the
men I slept with—whom I could talk
to about being queer. I eventually
moved downtown to make a new life.
I bought Lucky Charms and every

74 may 2022

back to life. When you think about it, requires that two witnesses to the
what could be more occult than that? offence come forward. Even if this
It makes me sad to picture Prince ris- unlikely scenario occurs, the crime is
ing from the grave to ditch his entire not always reported to external author-
luminous catalogue for two-bit hymns. ities.) The Quebec case is only one of
many lawsuits against—and investiga-
Jackson, who died an apostate, has tions into—Jehovah’s Witness policies.
no chance of resurrection. In the 2019 The scope is unimaginable.
documentary Leaving Neverland, Wade
Robson and James Safechuck, who’d The news has hit close to home: this
been in Jackson’s coterie as boys, told is where I had spent almost half of
their stories of the artist’s horrific abuse my life, and the news could have life-
of them. We see Jackson take a young altering effects on people I know and
Safechuck to a jewellery store to buy a love. It’s clear that the Society is no more
ring, a symbol of their twisted bond. My morally upstanding than the members
hands shake when the adult Safechuck it expels, and that the trauma that results
takes it out of the box and shows it to the from being a Jehovah’s Witness can take
camera. These disclosures have made many forms. It makes sense that the
me rethink Jackson’s discography and Witnesses latched onto ’80s stranger
whether I can enjoy his music anymore. danger, with the occult as one of its focal
points: it perpetuated the myth that
A few days before part two of Leav- the threat always comes from outside the
ing Neverland first aired, the Superior God-fearing house, when we know that
Court of Québec authorized a class- the opposite is true. If my upbringing
action lawsuit against the group on has taught me anything, it’s that it’s a
behalf of current and former Witnesses mistake to assume demons live any-
who were sexually assaulted as minors where but inside of us.
by any fellow member. (Within Jeho-
vah’s Witness congregations, an inves- © 2021, MAISONNEUVE. FROM “OCCULT FOLLOWING,” BY
tigation into child sexual abuse often DANIEL ALLEN COX, MAISONNEUVE (OCTOBER 14, 2021),
MAISONNEUVE.ORG

Hit the Road

Stop worrying about the potholes in the road
and enjoy the journey.

BABS HOFFMAN, BASEBALL PLAYER

On this road trip, my mind seems to uncrinkle, to breathe, to present itself a
cure for a disease that it had not, until now, known it had.

ELIZABETH BERG

rd.ca 75

HUMOUR

THE it was more a siren call than a store—
provocative pink exterior and bold,
TRIP black-paned windows that revealed
a seduction of accessories within. The
My group lesson shiny new cannabis store on the main
in pot potency drag of Stratford, Ont., had the ultra-
chic Phase Two look of Canada’s mar-
BY Cathrin Bradbury ijuana legalization journey. Each time
I walked by, I felt like I was missing out
illustration by kayla buium on something. It was only a matter of
time before I found myself deep inside
studying pre-rolled joint options.

“Nothing too strong,” I began with
the courteous saleswoman. “We don’t
like to feel anxious.” By we I meant the
four women I’d come to town with on
our annual weekend getaway. I wasn’t
sure how my purchase would go down:

76 may 2022

reader’s digest

most of us were in our 60s, but we also I can’t stand up,” I said to my friends,
came of age in the ’60s. Still, we found who did not try something similar.
the results of the legal marijuana being
sold across Canada unpredictable and “Here’s your water, Cathrin,” said the
best avoided. Wine was our reliable abstainer, whom we had begun calling
go-to—until this pretty store took hold The Mother (let’s not examine that).
of me and would not let go. “Now I am going to bed. And I don’t
want to be disturbed.” As she said this,
“I’d like the equivalent of two glasses she rolled up a magazine and slapped
of Sauvignon Blanc,” I said to the sales- it in her hand. Which was, like, super
woman. The lively man next to me was scary. When we did eventually walk, we
re-ordering shatter, an ultra-strong all crowded into The Mother’s bedroom,
cannabis concentrate—“It changed afraid to be alone in our own rooms.
my life!” “Get to bed, Little Stoned Women,” she
said, and as soon as we did, we fell
I asked him the THC level of his asleep with the serenity of the innocent.
purchase to avoid something similar.
“Fifty,” he said. I left with a modest 17.5 The next morning, I returned to the
per cent THC pre-roll called Jack Haze. store to helpfully school the staff on
selling marijuana to 60-year-olds.
I timed my surprise reveal for the
post-dinner lull, as my friends and I “First of all,” the man at the counter
gathered in our host’s welcoming said, after asking me a series of ques-
kitchen. I’d barely explained Jack tions including how much THC was in
Haze’s gentle merits before said host our system on any given week (none).
grabbed it from my hand and toked “Comparing wine and marijuana is a
like she had to get in one last drag false equivalency.”
before the fuzz busted us. Within min-
utes—we’d all eagerly partaken except “Good note,” I said.
for a lone abstainer—the Haze part “Second, your joint…” (I had brought
of Jack became evident in the form of along Jack Haze—three-quarters of it
absolute immobility. It felt as if we remained—as evidence) “…is 17.5 per
were pinned under a fine but powerful cent THC pre-roll. Given your absti-
mesh. But under that mesh, sprawled nence and inclinations, what you want
on a circle of couches and chairs in the next time is a six per cent CBD-THC
living room, we were as jacked up as hybrid roll.”
drivers at the Indy 500. Hybrid roll, I thought as I walked
slowly home, jointless. That’s what
Three hours later—or maybe 15 I’m missing.
minutes, time had lost its purpose—I
attempted to get a glass of water from Cathrin Bradbury is the author of
the kitchen. On my knees. “Seriously, The Bright Side.

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reader’s digest

INSPIRATION

Believe

Proignress

In an excerpt from
his book Rationality,
psychologist Steven
Pinker explains why,
despite everything, our

future is bright

illustration by dan page

rd.ca 79

reader’s digest

W redemption), and they apply their
ingenuity in institutions that pool it
with that of other people, they occa-
sionally succeed. When they retain the
successes and take note of the failures,
the benefits can accumulate, and we
call the big picture “progress.”

Here are four areas of great progress
we have made together. With these in
mind, perhaps the future isn’t as dire as
doomsayers might imagine. In fact, we
have much to hope for as we look ahead.

when we look beyond the headlines to We Live Longer
the trend lines, we find that humanity
overall is healthier, richer, longer lived, Beginning in the second half of the
better fed, better educated and safer 19th century, life expectancy at birth
from war, murder and accidents than began rising from its historic average of
in decades and centuries past. around 30 years to 72.4 years worldwide
today—and 83 years in the most fortu-
Although many measures of human nate countries. This gift of life was not
well-being, when plotted over time, dropped onto our doorsteps. It was the
show a gratifying increase (though not hard-won dividend of advances in pub-
always or everywhere), it’s not because lic health, particularly after the germ
of some force or evolutionary law that theory of disease displaced other causal
lifts us ever upward. On the contrary, theories, such as miasmas, spirits, con-
nature has no regard for our well- spiracies and divine retribution. The
being, and often, as with pandemics lifesavers included chlorination and
and natural disasters, it looks as if it’s other means of safeguarding drinking
trying to grind us down. water; the lowly toilet and sewer; con-
trol of disease vectors, such as mosqui-
What we call “progress” is shorthand toes and fleas; programs for large-scale
for a set of pushbacks and victories vaccination; the promotion of hand-
wrung out of an unforgiving universe. washing; and developments in basic
It is a phenomenon that needs to be prenatal and perinatal care, such as
explained. The explanation is rational- encouraging nursing and body contact.
ity. When humans set themselves the
goal of improving the welfare of their When disease and injuries do strike,
fellow beings (as opposed to other advances in medicine keep them
dubious pursuits, such as glory or from killing as many people as they

80 may 2022

did in the era of folk healers and barber- We Have More
surgeons. Those advances include anti- Money Overall
biotics, antisepsis, anesthesia, trans-
fusions, drugs and oral-rehydration For most of history, around 90 per cent
therapy (a salt and sugar solution that of humanity lived in what we today
stops fatal diarrhea). would call extreme poverty. In 2020,
that number is less than 9 per cent—an
We Have Enough to Eat amount still too high but targeted for
elimination in the next decade. The
Humanity has always struggled to grow great material enrichment of humanity
and gather enough calories and protein began in the 19th century, with the
to feed itself, with famine often just one Industrial Revolution. It was literally
bad harvest away. But hunger today has powered by the capture of energy from
been decimated in most of the world. coal, oil, wind and falling water and
Undernourishment and stunting are in later from the sun, the earth and nuclear
decline, and famines now afflict only fission. The energy was fed into
the most remote and war-ravaged machines that turn heat into work,
regions, a problem not of too little food factories with mass production and
but of barriers to getting it to the hun- conveyances such as railroads, canals,
gry. The additional calories that now highways and container ships.
exist did not come in heavenly manna
or from a cornucopia held by Abundan- THE GIFT OF LIFE IS
tia, the Roman goddess of plenty, but A DIVIDEND OF PUBLIC
from advances in agronomy.
HEALTH ADVANCES
These advances include crop rota- LIKE SAFE DRINKING
tion to replenish depleted soils; tech-
nologies for planting and harvesting, WATER.
such as seed drills, plows, tractors and
combine harvesters; synthetic fertil- Material technologies depended on
izer (credited with saving 2.7 billion financial ones, particularly banking,
lives); a transportation and storage finance and insurance. And neither of
network to bring food from farm to these types of technologies could have
table that includes railroads, canals, been parlayed into widespread pros-
trucks, granaries and refrigeration; perity without governments to enforce
national and international markets contracts, minimize both force and
that allow a surplus in one area to fill a fraud, smooth out financial lurches
shortage in another; and the Green by creating central banks and reliable
Revolution of the 1960s, which spread
productive and vigorous hybrid crops.

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reader’s digest

money and invest in wealth-generating grew out of a trade organization, the
public goods, such as infrastructure, European Coal and Steel Community.)
basic research and universal education.
Yet another is a network of interna-
We Fight Less tional organizations, particularly the
United Nations, which knits countries
The world has not yet put an end to into a community, mobilizes peace-
war, as the folk singers of the 1960s keeping forces, immortalizes states,
dreamed, but it has dramatically grandfathers in borders and outlaws
reduced the number of wars and their and stigmatizes war while providing
lethality, from a toll of 21.9 battle alternative means of resolving disputes.
deaths per 100,000 people in 1950 to
just 0.7 in 2019. Peter, Paul and Mary brainchildren of human ingenuity
deserve only some of the credit. More have also underwritten other historical
goes to institutions designed to reduce boosts in well-being, such as safety,
the incentives for nations to go to war, leisure, travel and access to art and
beginning with Immanuel Kant’s plan entertainment. Though many of
for “perpetual peace” in 1795. today’s gadgets and bureaucracies
grew organically and were perfected
WE NEED CHEAP through trial and error, not one was an
CLEAN ENERGY AND accident. People at the time advocated
TREATIES TO MAKE for them with arguments driven by
SACRIFICES GLOBAL logic and evidence, costs and benefits,
cause and effect and trade-offs between
AND EQUITABLE. individual advantage and the common
good. Our ingenuity will have to be
One of those institutions is democ- redoubled to deal with the trials we
racy, which really does reduce the face today, particularly carbon emis-
chance of war, presumably because a sions. We’ll have to apply brainpower
country’s cannon fodder is less keen on to develop technologies that make
the pastime than its generals. Another clean energy cheap, pricing that makes
is international trade and investment, dirty energy expensive, policies that
which make it cheaper to buy things prevent factions from becoming spoil-
than to steal them—and make it unwise ers and treaties to make the sacrifices
for countries to kill their customers global and equitable.
and debtors. (The European Union,
awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2012, But progress consists of more than
gains in our safety and material well-
being. It also consists of gains in
how we treat each other: in equality,

82 may 2022

benevolence and rights. Many cruel A popular view is that moral prog-
and unjust practices have declined ress is advanced through struggle—the
over the course of history. They include powerful never hand over their privi-
human sacrifice, slavery, despotism, leges, which must be wrested from
blood sports, eunuchism, harems, foot them by the might of people acting in
binding, sadistic corporal and capital solidarity. Sound arguments have
punishments, the persecution of her- guided, and should guide, movements
etics and dissidents and the oppres- for change. They make the differ-
sion of women and of religious, racial, ence between moral force and brute
ethnic and sexual minorities. None has force, between marches for justice and
been extirpated from the face of the lynch mobs, between human progress
earth, but when we chart the historical and breaking things. And it will be
changes, in every case we see descents sound arguments—both to reveal
and, in some cases, plunges. moral blights and to discover feasible
remedies—that we will need to ensure
How did we come to enjoy this prog- that moral progress will continue, that
ress? The 19th-century American theo- the abominable practices of today
logian Theodore Parker, and Martin will become as incredible to our
Luther King Jr. a century later, divined descendants as heretic burnings and
a moral arc bending toward justice. slave auctions are to us.
But the nature of the arc and its power
to pull the levers of human behaviour Steven Pinker is a professor of psychol-
are mysterious. One can imagine more ogy at Harvard University.
prosaic pathways: changing fashions,
shaming campaigns, appeals to the FROM THE BOOK RATIONALITY BY STEVEN PINKER, PUB-
heart, popular protest movements and LISHED BY VIKING, AN IMPRINT OF PENGUIN PUBLISHING
religious and moralistic crusades. GROUP, A DIVISION OF PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE LLC.
COPYRIGHT © 2021 BY STEVEN PINKER.

Keepsakes

A passport is a little book printed for a single situation, the condition of being
between countries. To hold it is to be going from home to elsewhere.

STEPHEN MARCHE, FROM LITERARY REVIEW OF CANADA

I have pots and pans that were my mother’s that I will never part with,
not only because “no one makes them like that anymore”

but also because they remind me of her and the extraordinary
meals she made for us as a family.

STANLEY TUCCI, FROM TASTE, MY LIFE THROUGH FOOD

rd.ca 83

EDITORS’ CHOICE

Rescuers found
Dylan Ehler’s boots
in a nearby creek.

reader’s digest

LITTLE

BOY

LOST WHEN
DYLAN EHLER
BY Katherine Laidlaw FROM WIRED DISAPPEARED,
THE INTERNET
photographs by justin carter TURNED ON
HIS PARENTS

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reader’s digest

DYLAN Ashley’s 12-year-old daughter from a
EHLER previous relationship, was home all
CAME day while she attended virtual school.
INTO THE And Dylan was Dylan, running around
WORLD the house with a smile, blink-and-
RUNNING. you’d-miss-him like always.

He pummelled and squirmed his way Three-quarters of Nova Scotia is blan-
through his mom’s pregnancy. He was keted by gnarled fir, spruce and pine.
a boy in constant motion. Almost as Bible Hill sits at the innermost point of
soon as he was crawling, he was climb- an inlet off of Cobequid Bay, which
ing. His parents, Ashley Brown and is an offshoot of the Bay of Fundy. The
Jason Ehler, would walk into their living town is a quiet, pastoral kind of place
room, in a grey-green house in a place that offers little by way of excitement
called Bible Hill, across the Salmon but ambling Holsteins.
River from the town of Truro, Nova
Scotia, to find him perched on the win- So, in the early months of the pan-
dowsill, grasping at the ledge above. demic, 32-year-old Ashley joined Tik-
Tok, the app she’d seen all over social
Dylan turned three in April 2020. In media, as an escape. When she had
the weeks after, the atmosphere in the time, she’d upload clips in batches.
family home was tense. Because of She posted a video of her swaying in a
the pandemic lockdown, Ashley lost hoodie and baseball cap, backlit in red,
her job as a detailer for a Hyundai to a Nelly song. In another, she blows
dealer, and Jason lost his delivering puffs of smoke from a joint toward
water bottles for the Canadian Springs the camera. In one clip, Dylan sits
plant. Money was tighter than usual, beside her, smiling widely: “You ever
and it was usually pretty tight. Lily, just look at somebody,” she mouths
along to the meme, “and think to your-
self, ‘This motherfucker is going to be
the reason I go to jail?’”

One April afternoon she stood in the
kitchen and pulled the phone in close,
her brown bangs falling across her fore-
head. A TikTok filter called Euphoric
Makeup swept deep purple across her
eyes and sharply contoured her cheek-
bones. In the years since the Disney
movie Frozen had come out, more than
100,000 people had participated in a

86 may 2022

popular, if sinister, meme that had made race at derbies before he sold his Monte

its way to TikTok, a parody of the mov- Carlo to build his own mud car. He

ie’s song “Do You Want to Build a started taking it and his daughter to

Snowman?” Ashley began to sing along rallies instead. It made sense that Ash-

to the meme’s pre-recorded vocal track: ley would find work as a car detailer.

“Will you help me hide a body?” a high- Jason grew up down the road from

pitched voice-over asked. “Come on, Truro, in Masstown, a farm village of

we can’t delay / No one can see him on about 150 people. He met Ashley one

the floor / Get him out the door before night at a friend’s place. She liked his

he can decayyyyyyy.” booming laugh and his kind, hazel eyes,

She uploaded the video, a few of her which creased at the corners. They

followers liked it, and she went back to began to party together, and eventu-

an utterly unremarkable day. ally they moved in together. Ashley’s

family didn’t much like him. He was

weeks turned to months in a pandemic loud and gruff, and they thought he

blur. Breakfast, potty time, playtime, was a bad influence.

storytime. Ashley and Jason’s world They weren’t perfect, but they were

grew smaller, revolving more tightly a family. For years Jason had wanted a

around Lily and Dylan. Dylan was the child of his own. He was stepfather to

kind of kid who went looking for

joy. He loved the rain. One after- Ashley Brown and Jason Ehler
noon he stood outside in his

patched green parka, the fuzzy

fur lining of his hood matting in

the storm. He leaned his head up

and stuck his tongue out as far as

it would go, rain pattering against

his cheeks as he licked the drop-

lets, his face beaming with glee.

Jason captured the moment on

video, not knowing then that his

son’s face in that frame would

soon be seen the world over.

Ashley grew up around cars.

Her dad, Norman Brown, still

runs a mechanic’s shop out of

his garage about a 10-minute

drive west. Norman used to drag

reader’s digest

Lily, but he’d been keen to have another In the meantime, a judge issued them
kid. To Ashley, it never seemed like a no-contact order. For days, Jason
the right time. But when she turned 29, stayed with his parents, a 15-minute
things had started to settle down. They drive away, while Ashley took care of
each had steady work, and they weren’t Dylan and Lily at home. The couple’s
partying as much as they once did. moms acted as intermediaries, shut-
Ashley said even her mom, Dorothy tling Dylan between houses. Jason
Dowe Parsons, who had a history of made sure that he saw Dylan almost
drinking, was sober by then. So when every day; he was a devoted dad that
he asked again, she said yes. Nine way. But the situation also created ten-
months later, Dylan was born. sion. Jason didn’t like that Dorothy was
helping to care for his son, even if she
DOROTHY PARSONS was just ferrying him back to his home
TIED UP HER PUPPY. in Bible Hill. He didn’t trust her, in part,
WHEN SHE TURNED he says, because of her history of slip-
BACK, SHE COULDN’T ping in and out of sobriety. One day, in
FIND DYLAN. the fuss of it all, he didn’t realize until
her car had pulled away that he’d for-
One morning in May 2020, Ashley gotten to kiss Dylan goodbye.
was exhausted and trying to keep her
head on straight. Jason woke up angry. The next morning, Ashley awoke
Ashley can’t remember exactly why, around first light to find Dylan tucked
but things escalated fast, and she hit in beside her. They spent a few minutes
him. Jason sprang out of bed, and sud- cuddled in bed. Then she got her boy
denly everyone was yelling. He’d kill up and took him to the coffee shop
her, he shouted after her. He grabbed her down the road. She ordered him his
phone and smashed it on the kitchen’s favourite breakfast, a chocolate-glazed
tiled floor. Someone in the neigh- doughnut. As usual, he ate the icing off
bourhood called the cops. Ashley was the top before zeroing in on the rest.
charged with assault, and Jason for She took her coffee to go, and the pair
uttering threats and mischief. Both were headed home.
released on an order to appear in court
later that summer. (The charges were Though Ashley enjoyed the morning
withdrawn after the two went to a court with Dylan, she was tired. It had been
counselling program.) a long time since she’d been a single
parent. So when her friend Vanessa sent
her a text inviting her over for a coffee,
she was relieved: she needed a break.
She messaged her mom to ask if she
could watch Dylan for a while, then

88 may 2022

packed him a bag with pull-ups and a When Ashley’s father showed up at
snack. She drove by Truro’s dormant her friend’s front door, he was stone-
smokestacks and over Lepper Brook. faced. She had not been expecting
The water was unusually high. him. She knew instantly that some-
thing was wrong.
Dorothy’s grey-blue shingled house
is 135 metres away from Lepper Brook, “Get in the car,” he said. She com-
a stream that flows to the mouth of the plied, tucking her slender frame into
Salmon River and from there to the Bay the truck’s passenger seat like she had
of Fundy. Dorothy had a puppy, and the so many times when she was young.
dog was one of the only family members “Dylan is missing,” he told her, eyes on
who could keep up with Dylan, nipping the road. For much of the rest of the
at his heels. She’d mentioned to Ashley ride, the two sat in silence, a harbinger
that she was going to take the pair out of the quiet to come. She thought to
to play in her backyard, which held a herself that by the time they got there,
picnic table and a chest freezer and the police may have found him. She
opened onto dead-end Elizabeth Street. was certain they would find him. Jason
Ashley joked that Dorothy had better arrived at Dorothy’s shortly after Ash-
put both babies on a leash: “Dylan’s a ley, the pair reunited in their panic over
runner. He needs one,” she said. where their son could have gone. (The
court lifted their no-contact order after
At around 11 a.m., Ashley pulled out Dylan’s disappearance.)
of the driveway to go meet her friend.
Like the sediment that lines the banks ACROSS THE
of a river, tragedy builds in layers, too, a PROVINCE, PEOPLE
series of tiny and inconspicuous choices LEFT OUT PAIRS OF
that look clear only after the force of BOOTS, BEACONS OF
their cataclysmic outcomes. HOPE IN THE NIGHT.

At about 1:15 p.m., Dorothy and Firefighters and search-and-rescue
Dylan were out in the yard. She turned volunteers were called in, trudging
around to tie her puppy to its lead, and waist deep into the creek. For six hours,
when she turned again, she couldn’t they searched the area, finding nothing.
find her grandson. She ran into the When a rescue volunteer pulled one of
street, yelling for him. Her yells turned Dylan’s little grey rain boots from an
into screams, and she pleaded with errant shopping cart submerged in
her neighbours to call 911. The police
arrived at the house just four minutes
later. They fanned out, searching the
area’s nooks and crannies for any-
where a playful toddler might hide.

rd.ca 89

From top left:
a baby photo
of Dylan; a sign
posted by his
parents; Dorothy
Dowe Parsons’
backyard

reader’s digest

Lepper Brook, it didn’t look good. An among us, the ones with saviour
hour and a half later, another volun- complexes and the people who rec-
teer found his other boot, stuck in the ognize themselves in these parents’
muck about 18 metres downstream. nightmares. Before long, Dylan had
become a symbol to a collection of peo-
For days, police investigators and ple who were awash with pain and had
ground-rescue volunteers searched. On nowhere to put it.
stoops across the province, firefighters
and parents left pairs of rain boots out Two days after Dylan disappeared,
for Dylan, beacons of hope in the night. Jason and Ashley were frantic. It felt
surreal; their son still hadn’t been found.
in the hours after Dylan went missing, That morning, Ashley received a mes-
a theory began to take shape: that Dylan sage from her sister-in-law: don’t go
had taken off running and made it to the on Facebook, she warned.
creek. He didn’t yet know how to swim.
FACEBOOK GROUPS
A dive team combed the riverbeds OF AMATEUR SLEUTHS
from below, using an underwater cam- SPRANG UP, AND
era to take pictures they could later scan TARGETED ASHLEY
for something, anything, they may have AND JASON.
missed. A helicopter flew low overhead,
looking for Dylan and flagging areas of It was too late. Ashley already had a
interest for searchers on the ground. stream of messages from strangers
accusing her of killing her son. An
The next day, more Truro residents Internet sleuth had discovered her Tik-
joined in. Word of Dylan’s disappear- Tok page and posted the videos she’d
ance spread—first across the province, made to Facebook. Forty-eight hours
then the country, then the continent. after her son went missing, online
Thousands of web sleuths descended detectives declared her suspect num-
on Facebook groups created to discuss ber one. Missing-person cases are mag-
details of the case. The same day, a fam- nets for psychics and obsessives, and a
ily friend started a GoFundMe cam- medium named Jada Brooke, who said
paign to help out with the family’s bills she was based in the New York area,
and fund search efforts. Jason and Ash- joined the conversations in one of the
ley turned to Facebook for support, Facebook groups that had sprung up to
using it to plan searches, organize fund- dissect Ashley’s and Jason’s behaviour.
raisers and update their community.
The couple knew that keeping Dylan’s
picture circulating was also critical.

A missing child captures the atten-
tion of the compassionate and curious

rd.ca 91

reader’s digest

In a Facebook Live post, she described it apart and dug a hole beneath it,
visions she’d seen of the boy. She told looking for bones.
followers that a family member of
Dylan’s had called her to ask for her The abuse spilled beyond accusa-
help. Soon she was offering theories tions about the couple’s parenting.
on the case and information she said Jason received scam ransom notes from
came from locals. She claimed the fam- online trolls; one included a doctored
ily was into “dark magic” and that Dylan picture of Dylan’s face battered with
was sacrificed to Satan. bruises over his right eye and a deep
gash on his lip. “You must transfer three
AFTER SIX DAYS WITH Bitcoins within 72 hours,” the message
NO NEW EVIDENCE, read. The sender, a Facebook account
THE POLICE CALLED under the name Brad, told Jason he’d
OFF THE SEARCH. BUT release his son once the transfer was
JASON DIDN’T STOP. made, and if he didn’t, he’d never see
him again. “You have three days to save
In one group, people criticized Ash- Dylan’s life,” he wrote.
ley for getting a haircut. Was that a new
nose piercing, they wondered. In yet After six days, with no new evi-
another, they mocked Jason’s search dence—no footprints or debris or cred-
attempts, saying “It’s just him lurking ible sightings—the police called off
in the bushes.” They even excoriated their search, having found nothing
him for sleeping. “I would be searching but the rain boots. But Jason didn’t
non-stop until my feet were bleeding if stop. He walked the creek bed day after
my child vanished,” wrote one person. day, drawing dozens of people to help.
The GoFundMe page would raise
The vitriol spilled over into real life. about $12,500 for the family. Ashley
People started standing outside their and Jason offered it up as a reward for
Bible Hill home glowering, taking any information.
photos or following them in their cars.
When Jason and Ashley put up a memo- Jason handed out lapel pins con-
rial for Dylan in Bible Hill’s Holy Well sisting of a blue ribbon and a green
Park—a blanket laden with teddy bears ribbon intertwined. He gave away
and a toy fishing rod, with the boy’s key chains bearing his son’s face. He
first-ever pair of rain boots hanging ordered bumper stickers of Dylan look-
from the tree overhead—someone tore ing upward, eyes scanning the sky.

for months, facebook group members
examined the case’s scant evidence,
gnashing details like bolts of harden-
ing chewing gum. It was a dizzying,

92 may 2022

Lepper Brook, which
eventually flows

to the Bay of Fundy

dystopian fun house of rumour and she was shocked to learn about the
speculation. Theories raged: to many, abuse the online sleuthing community
the grandmother’s story didn’t check had spawned. Harris was one of just
out. Others believed she was covering for two lawyers in the province who had
her daughter. And still others believed argued online personal injury cases in
the fact that the family was collecting court. She told the group member to
money on a GoFundMe page meant have Ashley and Jason get in touch and,
they’d gotten rid of Dylan because they after hearing their story, offered her
needed the money—for booze or drugs services pro bono.
or both. At one point, the groups’ ranks
topped 23,000 people, more than twice Together the three of them set to work
the population of Bible Hill. documenting thousands of abusive
screenshots, hundreds of awful mes-
By the end of September 2020, the sages, dozens of death threats. They
harassment and threats had gotten so wrote letters to the administrators of
bad that one group member con- two of the Facebook groups, asking them
tacted a local lawyer named Allison to shut down. At first, both refused,
Harris. Harris knew about the missing though one changed her mind after
boy—Dylan’s story was in the news for becoming the target of a harassment
weeks after his disappearance—but campaign within her own group.

rd.ca 93

reader’s digest

“This case has surprised me,” Harris The search-and-rescue team had
says. “Instead of appreciating that attached radio-frequency trackers to a
they’re doing damage and harm, they mannequin about Dylan’s weight and
seem to feel they have a right to have height, then dropped it into Lepper
these groups.” Brook, tracking it as it disappeared
into deep, invisible pockets under
covering the distance from Dorothy’s the water. It took less than an hour
house to the creek bed where Dylan’s for the mannequin to be swept up by
first rain boot was found takes a cou- those powerful tides.
ple of minutes at a brisk clip. Stretches
of unfenced land lead down to the JASON BELIEVES
water; wizened tree roots and matted THAT HIS SON IS
grasses create resting points along STILL ALIVE—THAT
the shore. The Salmon River winds for SOMEONE TOOK HIM
kilometres past flood plains and brick FROM THE BACKYARD.
chimneys, over waterfalls and under
skeletal steel bridges. While most riv- “Nature was working against Dylan
ers flow in one direction, the Salmon from square one,” says Tom Fitzpatrick,
is a tidal river, which means it runs in president of the team that led the search
two. Every day, a tidal bore sends a on the ground. The banks of the brook
wave nearly two metres high rippling were so swollen that the currents
up the river, straight into town, then knocked full-grown men off their feet.
back out again. The water, a mix of silt
and clay, is a ruddy chocolate brown Fitzpatrick used clues to piece
all the way out to the estuary where the together what happened that day.
river meets the bay. “We think the child was in the back-
yard and his grandmother got dis-
The Bay of Fundy is a funnel of feroc- tracted—we’re not sure by what and
ity. From above, it’s a depression in the for how long. We think the child went
sandstone of Canada’s east coast, bor- out the corner of the yard, behind the
dered by the provinces of Nova Scotia neighbour’s house. There’s a path that
and New Brunswick and the state of leads down to the brook, and just
Maine. There, peace is thin on the below there’s a bit of a logjam,” he
ground. Most oceans, on average, have says, pausing. “About 15 metres down
a tidal range of around one metre. The the water from there is where we found
range in Fundy is 16. Imagine the force the first boot.”
created by the pounding hooves of 24
million charging horses, and still Fun-
dy’s tides are stronger.

94 may 2022

He can’t bring himself to say it, they pull into a makeshift parking spot
exactly, that the boy was caught up in in front of the rolling dunes of Fundy.
the tides, so forceful and thick with mud
that, underwater, it’s impossible to see. Jason pulls gear out of his trunk: neon
orange vests, a briefcase holding the
one year after dylan went missing, drone he’ll fly up and down the shore-
Ashley and Jason’s living room is line. Because while he believes that his
somewhere between time capsule and son might still be alive—must still be
shrine. Dylan’s rain boots sat on a alive—that someone took him from the
wooden bookshelf. “Missing” posters backyard that day and vanished, the only
papered the windows. Art from people clues in the case point to the water.
across the continent, commemorating
Dylan, hung on the walls alongside a Out on the dunes, it starts to rain.
list of things for Dylan to do each day. Detritus has washed up here, scraps
(“Brush teeth. Learning time. Time with the tides have deigned to return: soggy
Lily. Lunch time.”) red Tim Hortons coffee cups, cracked
scallop shells, one of the eight boots
Since Dylan disappeared, Ashley Jason threw into the creek last year to
has retreated into herself. She no lon- see how far they would go.
ger speaks to her mom, who she feels
hasn’t apologized for her role in what Early on, someone at Wings of Mercy,
happened. She rarely speaks to Jason’s a volunteer search-support group, told
family, who she says believed she Jason to be careful, that it’s easy to get
was involved once they saw the TikTok lost in the looking. But the absence of
videos she made. a body means hope, and his hope is a
pilot light. He’ll come out here on the
Early one Saturday morning last year, same day again next week, because he
Jason, Ashley and Jason’s twin brother, does this every week, walking the shores
Justin, climb into their white SUV of the river and the bay, then going
and drive through Bible Hill, Truro and home to post the footage to a Facebook
Masstown and on toward familiar group dedicated to his ongoing search.
shores. The morning is misty grey, and
they pass winding driveways, where He walks interminably on, trudging
wary barn cats keep neighbourhood his way along the shoreline of a bay
watch. The gravel turns to sand, and where the water never runs clear.

© 2021, KATHERINE LAIDLAW. FROM ”RAIN BOOTS, TURN-
ING TIDES, AND THE SEARCH FOR A MISSING BOY,” WIRED
(SEPTEMBER 9, 2021), WIRED.COM

Baseline

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.

ARTHUR ASHE, TENNIS GREAT

rd.ca 95

reader’s digest martha wainwright has mother issues.
And father issues. And brother issues.
reader’s digest Her push-pull, hot-cold, love-hate
relationships with her family members
BOOK CLUB provide the fuel for her new memoir,
Stories I Might Regret Telling You, a
Martha Wainwright’s freewheeling tell-all the likes of which
fiery new memoir is we rarely see in the age of publicist-
muzzled celebrities. Wainwright, a
a family affair gifted songwriter with a voice that
sounds like Kate Bush after a late night
BY Emily Landau in a smoky club, has released nine
albums. She’s also famously the daugh-
96 may 2022 ter of folk singers Loudon Wainwright
and the late Kate McGarrigle and the
sister of the baroque troubadour Rufus
Wainwright. Her memoir lays bare
both her aching adoration for her fam-
ily and her many, many grievances. In
Wainwright’s telling, the wholesome
Canadian icon McGarrigle insults her
daughter in one breath and consoles
her in the next. Her rakish father
admits he pressured Martha’s mother
to get an abortion instead of have her.
Rufus is her closest ally as well as
her rival, both for their parents’ love
and the public’s attention.

Wainwright comes across as a bohe-
mian raconteur who darts around in
time and makes digressions within
digressions. She traipses from her
mother’s sprawling Victorian house
in the Anglo suburb of Westmount in
Montreal to her father’s London flat
in Hampstead Heath. She recounts her
years taking drugs and playing gigs in
the Chelsea Hotel and the East Village

in the ’90s and early 2000s. She cata- be about a number of men she’s
logues her love affairs and hook-ups known). “I will not pretend, I will not
and the challenges of balancing put on a smile, I will not say I’m all
music and motherhood (she has two right for you,” she sings.
children). But it always comes back to
her family of origin. Back to her com- Taken together, these works are as
petitiveness with Rufus and her envy much about the family’s dirty laundry
of his closeness with Kate. Back to the as they are about their intense bond.
time her mother told Martha she was And by the end of the book, Martha
mediocre and unintelligent, and Mar- seems to have come to terms with her
tha responded by shoving Kate to the place in this Greek tragedy. “[We are]
ground. Back to when she learned that a broken family whose members hang
her father’s song “I’d Rather Be Lonely” on tight to each other nonetheless,”
was about her and the time they’d she writes. “We fight, but we make up
lived together. “I kept my dad from relatively quickly. We try not to hold
doing what he really wanted to be grudges, but it’s hard not to.”
doing, which was music and being by
himself,” she says. By processing their pain so publicly,
the McGarrigle-Wainwrights have
THEY TURNED done something remarkable: they’ve
THEIR SQUABBLES turned their squabbles and resent-
AND RESENTMENTS ments into a vast musical mythology,
INTO A POWERFUL a web of lore haunted by jealousy,
casual cruelty and things previously
MYTHOLOGY. unsaid. Their songs, and Martha Wain-
wright’s deep gash of a memoir, speak
Where most families might bury to each other and to their audience,
their feelings or seek out group ther- each new entry made more poignant
apy, the McGarrigle-Wainwright clan by its connection to the previous ones.
have spent decades airing their feuds It’s a powerful collective reckoning—
in their searing songs—and now, in and a canny publicity ploy. Because
this equally acidic memoir. Martha’s more than most famous Canadian
first hit song, whose title is too vulgar music families, we know these people.
to be printed in these pages, was We care. We’re invested. “Journalists
inspired by her futile attempts to win often ask if music is something I was
Loudon’s love (she now says it could ‘made’ to do,” Martha writes. “The
answer is yes, I was made to do it by
my parents, but I liked it and I wanted
the attention.” Decades after it all first
began, we’re still listening.

rd.ca 97

reader’s digest

BRAINTEASERS

Quick Crossword 2 1
Easy Fill the grid 3
with these words, 4
all of which mean 5 8
“thank you” in
various languages. 9

HVALA (Croatian) 7 (QUICK CROSSWORD) EMILY GOODMAN; (GOODY GOODY GUMDROPS) FRASER SIMPSON.
MERCI (French) 6 10
WADO (Cherokee)
ASANTE (Swahili)
TODA (Hebrew)
GRACIAS (Spanish)
KIITOS (Finnish)
ARIGATO (Japanese)
DANKE (German)
MAHALO (Hawaiian)

Goody Goody Gumdrops
Medium Jasmine created nine numbered
goody bags, each containing a different
number of individually wrapped candies
(none of the bags is empty). The average
number of candies in bags one through
eight is 10, and the average number of
candies in all nine bags is 11.

1. How many candies are in the ninth bag?
2. What is the maximum number of
candies that could be in the first bag?

98 may 2022