ASSIGNMENT 1

ASSIGNMENT 1

Below is a model answer essay that scored an impressive Band 6. We’ll give
feedback on each paragraph. Let’s get started.

QUESTION 2

The world today is turning more to electronic communications such as e-mail, Facebook
and messaging apps. What is your opinion of this growing trend? Discuss. You should
write at least 350 words.

As time goes by, the world is changing rapidly; so are its people and the technology
itself. Technology brings about a lot of changes to people’s lives. It is getting more
advanced from day to day especially when it comes to information technology or in this
case; electronic communication. Previoulsy, mail was seemingly one of the most vital
ways of communicating especially over long distances. In contrast, nowadays people are
more able to communicate in easier ways; by using their electronic accounts on their
computers or through their iPads and sending short messages from their iPhones or
Blackberries. Why is it so? In my opinion, this growing trend is very dominant in today’s
life, which is helping people to save their time and money, create borderless
communication and make it easy for people to gain prominent information.

Feedback

The student introduces technology as a whole, looking at its history, from how it has
grown from a simple form of communication through letters to today’s extensive choice
of communication through electronic gadgets. This is a great way to start your
introduction. Based on the question, explain what the issue is and give a brief
background of its past and present. State your opinion as to why such situation arises.

First and foremost, the world today is turning more to electronic communications like
e-mail, Facebook and instant messaging, and other electronic communications because
they will prevent people from wasting their time and money. How do these work? As we
all know, sending a letter to someone will involve a lot of processes and will eventually
take a long time and waste a lot of money. On the contrary, electronic communications
entail only the tip of our fingers and an electronic device to work with. Then, what is left
for us to do is just, typing. Has that not taken a much less time and money? For instance,
an e-mail only requires us to turn on our laptops, open our accounts on the website and
then, you can start writing your letter and sending them through e-mail. In short, with

the very unstable economy nowadays, having these kinds of communications will ease
everyone’s burden especially with their daily expenses and also their valuable time will
not be wast

Feedback

State, Explain and then Illustrate. Remember SEI. First, state the topic that’s been
mentioned. In this case, it’s the rise of electronic communications. Then explain. Explain
what electronic communications entail. Next, illustrate. This means give examples based
on your explanation. The student illustrates by giving a scenario of the use of emails.

Secondly, the growing trend of electronic communication is making it possible for
borderless communication which is vital these days. Why is it vital? A lot of things
require borderless communication; in the education field, businesse and even daily
activities, especially when border are involved. For example, when trading with people
from different countries, in order to communicate with each other, they need Skype as a
medium to interact and be able to trade at a faster rate as compared to using ‘snail
mail’ with regular letters. Skype is the perfect example of electronic communication
which will cut the boundary that has separated each country and make communication
between two different countries from around the world possible. In conclusion, it is
crucial to have these electronic communications in today’s age of globalisation as they
make it easier for people around the world to connect with each other.

Feedback

Structure your subsequent paragraphs like the first one. Add a new point in the second
paragraph and repeat the SEI format. It’s important to have a mind map of your points
before you start writing

Last but not least, the dominance of these electronic communications is that people
could gain prominent information more efficiently than before. As there are less
borders between countries, the efficiency of getting much more relevant and prominent
information is higher. People will have the ability to provide and gain information
effectively through Facebook or Twitter. For example, international artists who have
planned to do a world concert can inform their fans about it through their Facebook
account. Likewise, the fans also can ask just about anything to their favourite artists
regarding the concert. Hence, this explains why people make these electronic
communications a huge trend these days and in order to keep the trend going, each
person has the responsibility to adapt with the technology itself.

In a nutshell, the growing trend of using electronic communications is inevitably vital in
people’s lives as it gives out a lot of benefits as stated in above paragraphs. So, to avoid
ourselves from not getting the chance of keeping up with the changing trends, we have
to try our best to adapt ourselves with the rapid changes. I believe that the electronic
communication trend is a trend which is very important to be followed as the world is
getting more advanced day by day.

Feedback

To indicate that your essay is coming to an end, use words like ‘in conclusion, in a
nutshell, in short or to wrap up. Summarise your opinion based on all your previous
paragraphs and emphasise your point through words like ‘I believe’.