Bold Dialogue Issue 001, 2023 www.bolddialogue.co.zw Close the Care Gap Everyone deserves access to cancer care.
19. FOUNDER | BOLD DIALOGUE Psychotherapist Barbara Kamba-Nyathi is an entrepreneur, guiding light, and survivor. Fighting through the challenges of cervical cancer, endometriosis, and an autoimmune disease, she's used her story to rebuild and empower millions worldwide. After being stripped of what were once prized possessions, she reemerged through a space of healing and growth that would impact women around the world. The proud Zimbabwean founded the transformative organization Bold Dialogue to empower, inspire, and guide women to become better versions of themselves. As a result of her efforts, women across the African continent and beyond have united to rise above their circumstances to enrich their livelihood and level up in their careers.
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In this Issue Chipo's message 8 How to raise your fees 11 The power of a hairdo 20 Trust in the Lord 29 As we begin 32 Do you know who I am 35 Negative talk 38 From The Editor Cheers to us all for making it into the year 2023! The year has started on a very high note with so much happening already. If we are not careful by the end of February we may be burning out. Let us remember to be kind to ourselves and those around us. Let us be intentional about taking time to reflect, give thanks and celebrate ever y milestone in our lives. February 4th is World Cancer Day, let us light a candle for those who are surviving everyday and those who were taken by cancer. Let us also get screened for cancer. Happy reading! love, peace & light arbs
INTRODUCING
Chipo's message for you for 2023 Chipo Kay is an award winning blogger and podcaster
It’s a new year, for all of us. For some it marks new beginnings and new resolutions. I am sure there are some who have decided to start the year on a clean slate, New Year, New Them kind of thing, which is good. We always say people should not be afraid of change, or changing. But, whatever you resolve this year, be sure it is something achievable and reasonable. We tend to make huge resolves that we cannot bring ourselves to achieve and most of us give up on the first sign of impossible. Here is my message for you this 2023. With this message, I am not saying you should throw away what you believe in. Do not erase your resolution for this one. it is simply something to consider as you move forward into the year. May you be more kind to yourself. I cannot stress this enough. The world is already difficult. You do not need to add on to that, for you and others. Make the world an easy place to dwell in. Giving up is another form of you being unkind to yourself. It shows you are or you were not patient enough to wait. You were neither willing nor able to give yourself the chance to try again where failure availed itself. Giving up is robbing yourself an opportunity to see how far you can go. When you give up, how then will you know exactly what works for you? How will you know how much strength you have. Giving up steals your chance to learn. Be your own peace. It is not unusual to find chaos within us. It could be the anxiety of all the uncertainties facing us. It could be the confusions on what our realities should be and could be. Chaos comes from many avenues and we always find ways to accommodate it within our hearts and minds, making it more comfortable. This should not always be the case. Find time to eliminate the chaos that resides within. Reflect on what makes sense, indulge on what excites you. Allow yourself to be amused and always remain calm. Carefully assess the situation and take a step back when you get overwhelmed it is when things get noisy. You are your one true love. How can you know how to love, if you have not loved yourself first? Show yourself the kind of love you want them to give you. Be intentional in what you do and where you go. Affirm yourself on your goals. Validate your own feelings, thoughts and emotions. Be there for yourself even more, and give yourself the love, kindness and peace that you deserve. With all that has been said, Happy New Year!
How To Raise Your Prices And Make More Money Without pissing off your customers too much. Mohammed Shehu, PhD website Twitter LinkedIn
Everything’s getting more expensive. Utility bills are rising, marketing is getting costlier, and vendor fees continue to rise. This leaves little profit after you’ve paid all your suppliers, subscriptions, and salaries (if you have a team). Low profits hamper your ability to grow, expand, or pivot your business. Plus, nobody wants to work forever — we all want to work less and earn more. But while your business struggles to stay afloat, inflation sneaks up on you, eating away at your income. Translation: it’s probably time to raise your prices. The benefits of raising your prices Higher prices mean you can cover your expenses more confidently. This means retaining the best staff, expanding your business to new premises, building out new offerings, and upgrading existing equipment and services (like getting faster WiFi). More importantly, you win back time to plan for the future without taking on more debt. But it’s not all roses. The dangers of raising your price Customers will balk at your price changes. Everyone loves a discount — nobody likes an increase. Cash flow may dry up temporarily as the market adjusts to your new pricing. More of your quotes and proposals will be rejected, especially in a price-sensitive market. Worst of all, you’ll beat yourself up when your revenue doesn’t automatically rise as fast as you thought it would.
Why you should raise your prices anyway Despite the above reasons, there are five reasons why you should raise your prices anyway: 1 You don’t get what you deserve — you get what you ask for. As a founder, you must permit yourself to raise your prices — there’s nobody else to ask for permission. This mental hurdle is often the hardest to cross. 2 Your service providers are raising their prices, too — they don’t care about your cash flow problems. To keep up with this rising cost of doing business, you’ll need to raise your prices, lower your costs, or both. 3 You can always revert to your old pricing if the new one doesn’t work out. Worst case, you lose a few gigs and piss off a few customers. Best case, the market adjusts to your new pricing and you’ve permanently raised your income. 4 The growth of your business depends on higher revenue — making more than you do right now so you can do more than you can currently. The fastest way to make more than you do right now — without adding new products or switching up your business workflow — is to raise your prices. 5 Raising your prices forces you to deliver more value to your customers since you have to justify the price increase. This can mean faster or higher-quality service delivery, which only enhances your reputation and gives you more leeway to raise your prices in the future. How to raise your prices without pissing off your customers The five-step process for tactfully raising your prices is as follows: 1 Determine unit prices and margins 2 Know your business and life goals 3 Adjust your prices competitively 4 Communicate the price change 5 Soften the blow
#1 Determine unit prices and margins Before raising any prices, calculate the unit prices of your offerings. This calculation hinges on your monthly costs, desired income goals, and ideal work schedule. Let’s say you offer portrait photography on an hourly basis, with your monthly costs as follows, denoted in Simoleons (§): At 40 hours a week (160 hours a month), your time costs §13.75 per hour (§2,200 / 160). If you deliver 10 photos per shoot and spend about 4 hours on each gig for scouting, traveling, shooting, editing, and delivery, then your unit cost per shoot is §55, and each photo costs you §5.50. Get super clear on your numbers — they’ll come in handy in the next step. #2 Know your business and life goals Goals drive gold. A clear idea of what you want helps you work backward to achieve it. Following our photography example above, let’s say you’d like to work only 20 hours per week (80 hours a month). This means you’d need to charge a minimum of §27.50 per hour (§2,200 / 80) to reach that goal and still break even. But you don’t work to break even — you work to make a profit. Let’s further assume you want to earn at least §4,000 per month. This means you’d need to charge at least §50 per shoot (§4,000 / 80), leaving you with §1,800 in monthly profit. Those margins and profits give you breathing room to save up for an extra camera, hire an assistant, and spend more on marketing. More importantly, they cushion the blow of unexpected expenses — a lost gig, broken lens, or urgent emergency.
# 3 A d j u s t y o u r p r i c e s competitively ‘Competitively’ in this context means p r i c i n g a c c o r d i n g t o y o u r d e s i r e d positioning and the market. You may be a low-end product seeking to command higher premiums. A higher price sends the right message and filters out lowpaying customers. But the market also affects how much you can charge for something. If you charge §100 for a fungible product (i.e., easily replaceable), and other competitors who are as good or better than you charge §50, you’ll have a hard time convincing anyone to buy from you, no matter how premium you want to position your brand. This is where the principles of luxury marketing come into play. You can highlight your higher quality, better processes, or rich history and pedigree. After all, all soaps clean, but some soaps are better than others. #4 Communicate the price change Once you’ve done the math, it’s time to inform your customers of the price change across as many channels as possible. This can mean: 1 Communicating the increase in your newsletter 2 Posting the price change on social media 3 Updating your website’s pricing table 4 Putting up posters on your premises 5 Informing your suppliers or resellers 6 Sending a broadcast text message 7 Updating your WhatsApp Stories Do all of this at least a month in advance, especially if you have retainer or subscription clients. You don’t need to explain yourself extensively — the following template should suffice: Please note that we're increasing our prices by 20% as of [date]. This increase will allow us to cover our costs, ensure continued growth, and improve our services. W e a p p r e c i a t e y o u r s u p p o r t a n d understanding. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out at [email address]. “Dear cust-hog-mers…”
This brings us to the last step: #5 Soften the blow You can soften the blow for your customers through grandfathering and bonuses. Grandfathering means your current subscribers are exempted from the new price. If you’ve ever bought a lifetime deal for a software tool (like on AppSumo), you know how beneficial this is as a buyer. As a seller, you gain lifetime loyalty and free brand ambassadors who are less likely to switch to a competitor. You can also time-box the grandfathered discount by giving current customers time to enjoy the old price (say, for 12 months) before you upgrade them to the new price. This granddad is happy with his grandfathered pricing. Bonuses grant customers who switch to your new price before a given date a little extra product.
Let’s say you sell one bag of garri for §20 and plan to raise the price to §30 per bag next week. You can offer to sell two bags of garri this week only at the new §30 price to drive last-minute purchases. Thereafter, the price reverts to §30 per bag. Petrol stations do the same thing — think of all those long queues on the night before a petrol price increase. Bonuses drive urgent action and play to buyers’ sense of greed and loss aversion (“Buy now and gain extra or risk losing out on a good deal”). Don’t be afraid to raise your prices No matter your business, you’ll need to raise your prices at some point. Business growth doesn’t happen without additional time and effort, both of which need money. By calculating your unit costs, aligning your future goals, communicating with customers, and softening the blow, you can kick off the next quarter or year with higher pricing, more revenue, and more room to grow. #Subscribe to Mo's Newsletter: mohammedshehu.com/newsletter
creative healing
The power of a new hairdo by Fuf
As the new year commenced gracefully, opening its once hidden self to us, I found my change-needing-self itching for a new and fresh hairdo. For some time, I had been contemplating on a look that will usher me into the new year, so as soon as the idea dawned, I enthusiastically decided to scratch myself and pursue my goal, which was getting a Rihanna red color on a bibo. As I sat on my chair self lovingly gazing in the mirror, feeling and looking spectacular, which is very different from what I had been feeling before, I got fascinated as to how a simple change in hairstyle could leave me feeling so powerful, thotty, confident, and healed. This brought me to a place of gathering all my thoughts, like love on the brain and conjure some deeply imbedded ancestral knowledge as to how our emotional state of being can be directly tied to our hair, of all things. So as you consume this knowledge, remember it came from a deeper place. I started to reflect and meditate on the different hairstyles I had changed into during the past year. The New Year is always a natural time to reflect and introspect so I decided to trace back and scrutinise the relationship between all these hair changes and my mental health. Here are some healing truths I have gathered like hanging fruits on a tree. I hope they change your precious life forever. In one year alone I tried out many hairstyles including a short blonde tinted dino, zuda/bald, a relaxed blonde pixel cut, a black short afro and then ended with an ethical looking chocolate brown short afro all in a year. All this change in hair color and length and volume has not only altered my mood and season, but it has also ushered me into new seasons. Firstly, getting a fresh bald cut made me feel pure or holy or relieved. Besides the feel of fresh air gently passing through my scalp, it always feels like a gentle breeze is also passing through my spirit. Like I made room for it. This is why some religions like the African apostles and monks, are so deep into the style.
The general belief in this regard is that hair carries energies. As we go through any season, different energies accumulate into the hair and we thereby carry them into our souls. Cutting all the hair thereby signifies getting rid of all the energies one have been gathering and making room for new ones. I do not know how far true this is but it certainly agrees with the way that I always personally feel after getting rid of 100% of my hair and that is why I kind of choose to believe it. lol Cutting my hair also sheds so many years off me. At one time I went bald and they would not let me into a club I always got into until I presented my ID. I had to return home as I hadn’t carried my ID. Anyone with a zuda will always look way much younger than they really are. Let us not also forget how the Smith girls are making it into a thing like that! Like that! Like that! I am a hair bleaching fanatic and I do not know if you know it but a blonde colour is always magical. Besides altering my skin complexion and general aesthetics, blonder hair always brings me a new spirit as well as pushes me to want to play and whimsically spread love to the universe. I guess this is what led to the saying “blondes have more fun.” Having a blonde hair colour whether on short or long hair legit makes one want to play. I guess this deep realization is the main reason why so many people have adopted the trend. The universe spoke and the fun loving children decided to listen to their mother. Blonde hair specifically also plays a significant role in one’s personal confidence. Everyone who has had it will tell you that it is not easy to flaunt the hair colour the first few days of getting it. As time moves on however it becomes much easier and you become more confident. It is therefore safe to say that you can use getting a blonde colour to test your current confidence levels as well as develop them. You can thank me later of course!
In my experience with blonde hair, which has been, despite my ever changing styles, my signature look, I have noticed that it has an equal effect on the way that others perceive you. What I mean is when you have blonde hair you appear light, approachable, fun, free. It’s hard to move about in them streets without anyone passing on a quirky smile or a witty ‘Ndeipi?’ Which translates to ‘hello!’ In my mother language. People do not believe you can have blonde hair and be depressed or be having a bad day at the same time. Everyone believes you are cool and have it all figured out. I guess it feels so natural for me to articulate that getting that blonde on will have an esteem boosting effect on oneself as well as give a welcoming outlook to the rest of the eyes that rest upon the colour. I will also highlight the powerful effect of having what we call dreadlocks (marasta). That stuff always makes me feel deep, powerful, or should I say ancestral. Like I said before, hair carries energies, and dreadlocks seem to carry for us all the energy we need to go through the journey of life or a particular season. I am not sure if our ancestors had means of cutting their hair to a short dino or plain cut. Who knows, maybe they had a hair trimming machine made from stones or twigs. So, in order to channel my ancestor’s energy, I just leave my hair for some time to form a sponge like effect. Like the men in ‘The God’s must be crazy’ that’s my childhood engraved mental picture of what the ancestors looked like, lol. It feels like I am serving a purpose by representing my forefathers in this modern day and age. I am sure you will agree with me that this is a subtle way to heal and reclaim ones identity and power in this generation where identity really has become a crisis. What a joy to look the way our forefathers did.
Some of my feminine friends have told me that getting those super long braids helps you channel your little mermaid spirit or just queen vibes. Make it long and red and you are sure to feel like Ariel. Stop me from getting into anime please! Hopefully, this year I will be bold and rebellious enough to try it out and see if this is true even though I already kind of believe, especially after noticing how the queens be rocking and feeling themselves like Beyonce in them long braids. I guess this is also why the trend is taking over the streets. The teens will tell you, “it’s giving!” I might also experiment with like a long straight weave with the hope that I can look and feel like Jesus and how he looks on those catholic statues and the movie Passion of Christ. That movie made me fall in love with Jesus!!! Hallelujah! So maybe a straight long weave will help you express your holy and Christ-like self. Or should I say, church girl vibes. I couldn’t think of any book to strongly support some of my personal findings on the issue of hairstyles and emotional health except for Americana by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie where she slightly touches on the struggles black women encounter with their natural hair. However she only touched on the subject but did not go further enough to delve on how we can actually use our hair to heal. However, what came to mind clearly is a song by one of my favourite live performers by the name of Lizzo called ‘Good as Hell.’ In the song, the bubbly and vivacious black beauty preaches to all women and girls on how going to the salon for that new hairdo can help one get over a heartbreak. The song feels like an entirely spirit filled church sermon. The colourful video of the song goes on to show off some beautiful hairstyles that make the multi-racial models really look and supposedly feel good as hell. We are so privileged as a generation to have the internet that can provide us with a wide range of hairdos that our fellow brothers and sisters from the other parts of the planet are generously indulging in. We can even channel our favourite celebrity’s energy by emulating their hairstyles at that particular time, creating a feeling, or better still; a vibe! Why? One might find themselves asking, Because we can! Why? Because we also deserve once in a while to be vain and feel as confident and as sensual as them Hollywood super stars!
Besides all these deep (I regard myself as deep so I am projecting right now) things I mentioned, there is also one particularly therapeutic thing about getting a new hairdo, which is….drum roll please…a visit to the saloon/barber. I do not know about the rest of you universe babies, but every time I take a seat at the barber's, he always asks me the question, though casually, “how are things?” and that becomes my cue to unfold and empty my cup. A free therapy session it always is! The latter is true with many hair artistes. They are always willing to give us an ear as they work on our heads. They have a way to make us feel special. The same way, if not better than a therapist would make you feel. Not to mention the best advise that they always seem to have. Everyone who has been to a saloon can testify of the chatty environment that fills the air. So much emotional healing taking place with every iteration and expression of words and emotions. If your hair stylist is not offering you free counselling services , maybe it’s time to replace them, or better still work on that relationship by rendering more dialogues and a safe space to make the time you spend together worth the while. It’s never too late. Life is always changing and presenting us with different challenges and seasons so why hold on to one hairdo and rob yourself the chance to changing and moving along with the times. I hope, like me, this year you will begin to regard your heads as canvases that we can choose to paint on different and creative portraits. Why exhibit the world with the same picture when you can serve multiple gallery openings. The world is your runway, give us looks!
My sincere longing is also that this year we stop taking hair too seriously and start using it as a simple self-healing tool to experiment, get in touch with our different sides and positively and courageously move ourselves towards our much needed healing. Weather you do it yourself or somebody does it for you, I strongly hope that the process itself will be an intentional action to enjoy our beautiful existence and give more different expression to this image of God that we hold. I never thought I could be spiritually writing about hair, but the universe has a way to speak to us in different ways. If we look at it, everything is deep and a whole book can be written as seen with this article. It is always a privilege and honour to pass on a message I feel in my spirit through this section of this life changing and healing spreading magazine. I hope the message that we can use changing our hairstyles to help ourselves heals actually heals somebody. We are all healers in different ways and I hope I am playing my part through writing like this. Wishing everyone a fulfilling new year as we all find ways to grow our ability to love and heal one another and our beautiful planet. Namaste Xx Musare zvakanaka, lisale kahle
A Call to Trust in the Lord After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. Psalm 6:2 Quetura is a God loving, hair and skin therapist.
‘My brownies didn’t have a good day!’ I sat down to watch a baking competition on food network, when one of the competitors, scared of what the judges would say due to the apparent deformed shape of her brownies immediately exhaled the words ``My brownies didn’t have a nice day´´, and with a pity face one of the judges asked the reason why. She tenderly explained, ‘I wanted to make a star shaped brownie, but’… and the judge responded, “but you have a starfish. “ For the past few days I have been feeling very sad, somehow depressed, hopeless, and exhausted and just in a meh state. I had no strength to pray, and all I could do was sigh and ask God to help me. I lost my phone where I had most of my work done for 2022 and some of the information not backed-up in a long time. It’s like part of my mind and heart is gone with the device. I have lost so much information and whenever I think about it my mind goes blank, my heart sinks and intense sadness creeps in leaving me sleepless and restless like a better tomorrow will never come again. As I sat, watched and heard that conversation on TV, I heard the Holy Spirit reminding me of the presence of God; I also heard Him remind me of the love of God to me and how He never left my side; the other tools I have that I can use to store new information I’ve been acquiring for the past days (my laptop and journals); and then I was reminded that even if I lost my phone with the information in it, yet I have not lost my brain nor the capacity to think and seek wisdom from God to help me restart. After this quiet moment I had of listening to the Spirit, immediately I ran, grabbed my laptop and started writing new ideas that came to mind, after a while, I was able to vocalise my prayers and just spend time in the presence of God pouring my heart out and giving thanks for all He is, has done and will continue doing in my life. You can imagine the peace, refreshment and relief that followed this moment! The little girl in the TV Show didn’t manage to design a ‘proper’ star as she desired, but the judges saw the shape of a starfish. I might have lost a device with lots of information, but still I have other means by which I can continue using to store and impart that which the Lord has placed in my heart to those around me. Dear friends, in life we will face many unfortunate situations, not every day of our life will be a good day. Some days the sun will take longer to shine and other days the sun will completely refuse to shine ‘our brownies will not always come as perfect as we want’. But it is amidst the overcast seasons that we need to trust that God is with us, God is here and will never leave us alone no matter what. In moments like these, may we seek guidance from the Holy Spirit and ask God to speak in ways we understand so that we may continue strongly in faith with our trust deeply rooted in God our anchor. As we enter into a new year, I pray that God blesses you and I with strength, hope and faith, trust and the desire to run to Him in good and bad times. I pray that He perfects the shape of our ‘brownies’ situations in the way that His will feels more visible than our desires. Blessings and love.
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As We Begin Pastor Shonz
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said let there be light and there was light. The month of January marks the beginning of a new year. For some it is the month of setting out resolutions and goals to be accomplished during the course of the year. It is a month of prospects and excitement as people hope for a better year. Those who had it tough the previous year are hopeful as the New Year begins. They hope the New Year may bring good fortunes for them. Some children are starting school, some already in school are starting new classes. While we may differ in whatever endeavours we are undertaking this January, what we all have in common is that we are beginning a new year. We all have a new slate on which to write our 2023 story. As for what kind of story it shall be it remains to be seen yet how we begin will impact how the story will play out. The book of Genesis is the first book of the Bible. It is also known as the book of beginnings. Scholars generally agree that the book was authored by Moses. The first words in the Bible are “In the beginning” a clear sign that everything has to start from the beginning. In the same line we are introduced to God of the Bible who begins to create everything out of nothing. By the power of his word he speaks things into existence calling light out of darkness. The creation account is a fascinating story on which the whole Bible hangs. You take away the creation account from the Bible and you are left with nothing. There are interesting lessons we can draw from the Genesis creation account as we also begin our year. Right at the beginning we are introduced to a God who is in action. So we begin by doing. Most of us we have a lot of good dreams and plans at the beginning of every year but there is no action to turn those dreams and plans into reality. Here we see God in action carrying out that which was on his mind right at the beginning.
While verse one of Genesis one gives us a summary of the whole project, from verse two going forward we start getting details of how it played out. Of interest in the second verse is the Hebrew word that was used to describe the state of affairs at the beginning of God’s creation work. That Hebrew word which can be transliterated as ‘Tohoh’ speaks of a totally chaotic situation. It describes a state of hopelessness, emptiness, darkness, confusion and disorder. Such was the state of God’s project at its beginning. If you and I were to be there to see his work and evaluate it, and say what we thought about it, ours would be interesting comments. We would probably advise God to quit, for it was evident that things were not looking good. We would probably ask God if he was sure of what he was doing or if he even really knew what he was doing. Most of us once we see things not taking the desired shape and form right at the beginning we abort the project. The Genesis creation story teaches us that perfection must not be expected at the beginning. The presence of emptiness, confusion and disorder does not necessarily mean that your efforts are in vain. ‘Tohoh’ is what marked God’s work at the beginning and it is the case with all projects that we may embark on. When you visit a construction site right at the beginning of work, you will find it unimaginable that a majestic five star hotel can come out of such a site. All that you will see are heavy machines uprooting trees, moving the earth, digging holes and plenty of dust. as the work progresses you then begin to see the landscape changing and a building emerging. Just like when God then said let there be light and there was light. What seemed to be eternal darkness was replaced by light and things started happening. As we begin this New Year let us take this opportunity to start anew. This is the time to become better spiritually, socially, mentally, physically, academically, financially and in all other faculties. As we strive to excel in whichever area of our focus let us never be discouraged by the state of things at the initial stages. Let us continue putting in time and effort until we get things right. It is really never about how we begin but it’s about how we finish. God in Genesis did not evaluate his work when he was beginning, he evaluated the final product and behold it was very good. Let that be our story this year that we will look back at our achievements and behold it will be very good.
Do you know who I am by
Once there was a man, Big belly, Buttocks tucked inside, A face moulded by an unforgiving potter, Two zits positioned with precision, Just where the beauty spot normally rests, Thick zestful lips, you could tell from how frequent his tongue tasted them, Had glassy eyes buldging with anticipation, His antenna like ears tingling in preparation for a song of praise, One slow flowing drop of sweat on his forhead, A fly resting peacefully on his bold head, It was the bold color of his over sized suit that made me realize he must be important, Walked towards me, One look and I was certain, His gait is that of a man with slaves and servants, Cleared his through, Like any important man would, Told me tales of how the way I write reminds me of his glory days, Promised me heaven on earth maybe because man like him are undeserving of heaven, And before I could say thank you, With a prideful smirk, he asked, Do you know who I am? I could tell what he actually wanted was me to recite his resume in reverse, But I didn't know him, And so like any honest poet would, I did not mince my words, I had to make myself clear, "Ofcourse I do, I would be a fool not to", And from there I never gave him a chance to speak, Lest he asks me that stupid question again.
Refuse to entertain negative talk about others
I recently I had a conversation with someone and we happened to talk about a significant person in my life and this person I was talking to decided to belittle them by disregarding their name he actually called this other person with the wrong name. This strange aggression towards a person unknown to them got me wondering about this person. So many questions went through my head as i tried to make sense of their behaviour. Further pondering made me realise how common this actually is. Could it be feelings of inferiority, is it a feeble attempt to win my affections by disrespecting the other person, is it a reflection of some trauma or some toxicity. Red flag First of all, this is a red flag about the nature of the person saying the nasty things. Ignoring such behaviour is you saying to this person that you tolerate and condone the abuse of others. And some day, they are most likely to turn their verbal abuse onto you. It is important to speak up on subjects that you are not comfortable about and were possible to detach yourself from such associations. Personal toxicity Some people ooze toxicity perhaps because they have been victims of abuse in the past and when they develop a false sense of authority they in turn become toxic. It is no myth that hurt people hurt others. People with unhealed traumas tend to take out their frustrations on others and sadly even those they do not know nor have wronged them. It is important to self examine and see if we are toxic to others and when we have introspected, we seek help to heel from the traumas making us toxic. Inferiority insecurities The number one way to illuminate inferiority insecurities is through the spoken word. Verbal communication reveals attitudes concerning the speakers’ superiority or inferiority. When we feel threatened by others it is common to become mean towards them mostly without any provocation. To cover up the i n s e c u r i t i e s we s e e p e o p l e s ay i n g demeaning or insulting others at times in theme of jest. Fear Imposter syndrome can cause fear in some people and then they become malicious towards others. When they feel unworthy of where they are or the company they are in they may say unflattering things about others. Lack of social decorum How we are socialised plays such a huge role in how we conduct ourselves in the company of others. We should never take it for granted that everyone observes social decorum. There are some people who do not have a regard of the impact of their words on others around them. It is never too late to improve on our manners and conduct. As the saying goes, evil thrives when good people do nothing, and we are here to remind each other that kindness will always be sexier than callousness.