July 2023 Issue 7 old dialogue THEMBE The brand whisperer w w w.b old dialo g u e.c o.z w
OOUURR VVAALLUUEEDD PPAARRTTNNEERRSS && SSPPOONNSSOORRSS
EDITOR'S Talk As we begin a new month, it is my hope that you have set goals ti finish the rest of the year on a high and successful not. For those who might have lost track of what's important or became complacent about past achievements, I hope the passion with which you worked to attain those past targets returns so that you may continue being successful. One of the highlights at Bold Dialogue this month is our participation in the Uniting for Cervical Cancer Elimination conference in Gaborone, Botswana. This is a really huge step in our efforts to raise awareness of cervical cancer in the community. We also have the opportunity to learn from and share with others committed to eliminating cervical cancer and saving the lives of millions of women. Bold Dialogue is an intuitive wellness platform that facilitates healing, ignites hope and dares to believe that you can live a life that honours your passions and dreams. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE arbs love, peace & light
CONTENTS Table of ODETO BLACK WOMEN COVER STORY WISDOM & UNDERSTANDING I WOULD RATHER DIE 07 10 28 33 TABLE OF CONTENTS WILL POWER 24 CARE 20
ODE TO GENERATIONS OF AFRICAN WOMEN You hold the torch of greatness carved in the chants, dances, music, prayers and sacrifices of generations of epic women before you! Women who kept moving forward despite the thorns pricking and tearing at their flesh; Women who prayed for a bright future they knew would not be theirs to live in; Women whose tears and sweat laid the strong foundation on which your dreams are built on; Women who dared to believe that the future they longed for will be in capable hands; Women who had the vision and wisdom to have faith that all their aspirations would be for you to manifest; BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
Women who loved you with a selfless and unconditional love so much that they gave all of themselves to secure a place in the universe for you; Women whose footprints are permanently stamped in the soil who toiled to pave the way to your greatness; Women who were so you you can be! All the new grounds you are breaking; The trails you are blazing; The heights you are ascending; Are the answered prayers of the generations of women before you! HAPPY WOMEN'S MONTH BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
Thembe Khumalo COVER STORY She is the brand whisperer whose mission is to help Africans see themselves more clearly so they can tell better stories about who they are, what matters to them, and the value they deliver. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
BD: Thankyousomuchfordoingthis with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you”abitbetter. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory? Thembe: Oooh I was a super cute baby! LOL. The last of 4 children, I was very cheerful, chubby, curious and creative as a little girl. My parents were both educators, so there were always lots of books in the house. We were not allowed to watch TV during the week (something which I implemented with my own kids) but we generally were not ever expected to be bored, because there was always surely a book somewhere in the house that you had not yet read! And if you didn’t feel like reading, well the garden would also love your attention! My dad was a pastor’s son who loved music and literature and my mum was and still is, incredibly creative. In the kitchen, garden, with a sewing machine or a crochet hook, she just had a knack for producing beauty out of anything. I feel very lucky to have had the parents I had. BD: Can you please give us your favourite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life? Thembe: Hmmm… this is tricky. There are so many useful quotes from wise and wonderful people, but I guess one of my favourites is “You cannot wander anywhere that will not aid you; and everything that you can touch, God brought into the classroom of your mind.” I like the idea that there are no mistakes, no wrong turns in life because everything teaches us something and everything aids us in some way, even if we can’t immediately see it. I have found this to be true in so many instances in my life, particularly where I have not received something I was really longing and praying for. When I look back with hindsight I am usually thankful that I didn’t get it! BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE BD: Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much? Thembe: There are so many bantu! So so many - it’s really unfair that you would make me choose! I am really grateful for all the access that we have to news, information, ideas… I know we live in an era of information overload, but we really are so fortunate. I love podcasts as much as I love books and magazines. But podcasts are special because, like audio books, you can learn so much while you are doing something else. Two of my top favourites are How I Built This with Guy Raz and The Journey Kwantu with Vusumuzi Ngxande. As an entrepreneur, listening to the stories of people who have started big business is so inspiring. To hear them tell in their own words, the chances they took, the help they received, the mistakes they made… it just fills me with courage and possibility. It’s very uplifting and Guy Raz’s simple style ensures he doesn’t interfere with the story. It’s really journalism at its best. Vusumuzi Ngxande has created a gorgeous piece of art with his Journey Kwantu. He explores with great respect, humility and candour, the path of African spirituality, the effects of colonisation and Christianity on local belief system and the mechanics of it all. His material is well researched and exquisitely presented. His style of presentation makes the listener feel like they are on a journey of discovery alongside him. As a fellow podcaster, his series to me is absolute goals! He is an excellent excellent storyteller. BD: Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s start with a basic definition so that all of us are on the same page. What does “entrepreneurship” mean to you? Thembe: Wow I have never thought about that in such a specific way. I guess for me entrepreneurship involves solving problems in a way that sets out to generate profit. I believe that every business solves some kind of problem. If it’s not solving a problem then it’s a hobby or a past time. BD: Can you help articulate a few reasons why it is important to get out of your comfort zone? Thembe: Well the simplest reason is that nothing grows in a comfort zone. It’s built for comfort - not for growth. And if you are not growing then … what are you doing…?
BD: Is it possible to grow without leaving your comfort zone? Can you explain what you mean? Thembe: Look, to be fair a comfort zone is a safe space, and we all need those. But I don’t think we are supposed to park there permanently. They say, “A ship is safe in harbour, but that’s not what ships are for.” I think when you leave your comfort zone, the discomfort stretches you and requires more of you than you are accustomed to giving. In that way you start to deliver more - you perhaps might not even have realised that you had it in you to deliver. And that’s growth. Once you become accustomed to delivering at that level, it becomes comfortable and you now need to venture beyond that comfort zone again. And so we continuously grow. BD: Can you share some anecdotes from your personal experience? Can you share a story about a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and how it helped you grow? How does it feel to take those first difficult steps? Thembe: When I started writing as a columnist for NewsDay that was a huge step for me. I had never written my opinions publicly. I didn’t know if I would have something to say every single week, and I didn’t know if my writing would be good enough, if my ideas would be sufficiently interesting to readers etc. So accepting the offer of a weekly column was really biting off more than I had ever chewed or swallowed and it felt terrifying. It was however absolutely the right thing to do, because I love writing, I loved sharing my ideas with the nation and I loved the feedback that I received from readers. That experience also gave me the confidence to call myself a writer and to embody that label in my life. Even though I had been writing from childhood, being published by a bona fide media house was a completely different and validating experience. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
BD: Here is the central question of our discussion. What are your “five ways to push past your comfort zone, to grow both personally and professionally”? Thembe: Start with something small. Do small slightly scary things, like eating something you don’t usually eat, trying a new hairstyle. By pushing past these small boundaries, you train yourself bit by bit to see that you can survive it. Then you graduate yourself to slightly more scary things, and so it goes until you find yourself “moving mountain, swimming seas and climbing over walls!” Be kind to others when they make mistakes. Part of what holds us back from stepping out of our comfort zones is the fear of what others will say - that we might look foolish or embarrass ourselves. If you make a habit of showing empathy to those in that position I believe you will be more likely to show yourself empathy in the event that you find yourself in the same situation Make lots of mistakes. This is the only way to ensure that you learn that mistakes don’t kill. The more mistakes you make the better you develop your recovery strategies both emotionally and practically. Get yourself a great hype squad. Being in a community of people who support you can go a long way towards helping you make courageous choices. You know that even if you fall they will be there to catch you. A strong peer support group also allows you to share in the stories of others and that can be very encouraging. Spend time alone. This is not in opposition to the last point I made. You need both time alone and time in community. Time alone helps you get to know yourself and think through things. You can avoid some pitfalls by rehearsing the actions you plan to take. Also in positive reflection you can uplift your spirit to the point where you encourage yourself. BD: From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that keep someone from pushing out of their comfort zone and becoming an entrepreneur? Thembe: Without a doubt I think it is fear of failure, fear of what people will say, fear of losing face. We are so immersed in what people will say that we allow this to hold us back from any many opportunities that could actually be wonderful experiences for us. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
BD: Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do something that scares you every day”. What exactly does this mean to you? Is there inherent value in doing something that pushes you out of your comfort zone, even if it does not relate to personal or professional growth? Thembe: Certainly doing things that scare you is valuable. The more you try scary things, the more you build your courage muscle - its a simple concept of practice. Those who practice more become more skilled. BD: If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Thembe: Telling stories! I believe Africans need to see themselves more clearly so they can tell better stories about who they are. This in turn allows the rest of the world to tell better stories about Africa and Africans. But you can t tell a good story about yourself when you are looking at yourself through a dirty lens. Its a huge undertaking I know but we really under-estimate the power of telling stories. It literally changes the world. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
BD: Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens! Thembe: Oprah Winfrey, Chimamnda Ngozie Adichie, Malcom Gladwell. Oh.. did you say just one person… ooops! I find these people to be real thought leaders - as in they spend time thinking and so they come up with thoughts that other people haven’t had before. They are curious and original - I love that. BD: How can our readers follow you online? Thembe: I am @thembekhumalo on Instagram, Medium, Twitter, LinkedIn and YouTube. My website is www.thembekhumalo.com BD: Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work! BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
C A R I N G F O R E A C H O T H E R BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE With Quetura Dias
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ``Never stop doing the little things for others. Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts´´. I woke up on a Wednesday thinking of a particular sister in Christ. Throughout the day, in as much as I tried getting busy with other things, my mind kept going to the sister, until I could no longer ignore it but take some time to pray for her and her little baby. For the rest of the week I could not stop thinking of and praying for her. It then disturbed me the most when for the second Sabbath I did not see her and her baby at church. A few days later, I decided to look for her number and reach out to her. Fortunately I found it and managed to talk to her. She never expected to hear from me, she was surprised and grateful. She shared with me that the baby and her had not been very well the past weeks. What astonished me the most was when she mentioned that they started getting sick on a Wednesday and I remembered it was the day I woke up with her on my mind. I then understood that it was the Holy Spirit compelling me to pray for the sister, and later on check on her. You know, sometimes it strikes my mind at how we go and come out of church every weekend of the year but do little or nothing for those we worship with, those we call brothers and sisters in Christ. It has become very easy for us to go to church, get busy with worshipping God, mind our own business and care less about those we fellowship with, those who are also children of God, whom Christ would hug and greet with an honest smile had He been in church physically. We don’t mingle for fear of being gossiped about; for fear of them getting into our personal spaces; for fear of whatever issues the devil whispers in our ears. Dear reader, some of the questions we need to frequently ask ourselves should be: ‘What would Jesus do in this case? How would He handle such and such a matter? How would Jesus treat this brother or this sister? How can I be of service to my fellow humans?’ BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
Because whether we want it or not, Jesus may have not been friends with everybody in the temples he attended services, but surely He cared for everyone and by so doing He would notice those that truly needed Him, or those that needed a helping hand and more. Today, what are we busy doing as children of God? Are we the ones chasing, hurting, breaking those in our communities or we are the ones allowing ourselves to be used by God to be His mouth, hands and feet to build His kingdom on earth? Are we attending to the needy, visiting the sick, imprisoned, comforting the bereaved, praying with the hopeless and sharing a message of love with the ones that feel unlovable? I don’t know what your mission is, I don’t know what you desire to live by, I don’t know what your purpose in life is, but I pray that it includes caring for other human beings and especially those you live with, work with, fellowship with and have some sort of interactions direct or indirectly. This world has enough of evil going on. More than calling ourselves worshippers and Christians, we need to live differently from the assignments of the enemy and learn from Jesus to do right. May we pledge to live for Christ, love and care for each other and together glorify the Lord as we build His kingdom. It may seem to be a small gesture to us, but it may make a whole difference in the life of the person we are showing love and care to. When we care about other people, we gain sense of fulfilment and gratification without measure. I decided to keep on checking on the sister and I still do even today. I am so grateful to God that they are now well and enjoying good health. We are called to love and care for our brothers and sisters. We are supposed to truly be our brothers’ and sisters’ keepers. Today, I want to challenge you my dear reader, to take some time to text or/and call people in your contact list. People you haven’t spoken to in a long time, even those you vowed never to speak to again because of whatever reason. We need to remember that there will be moments in life that we will be the ones to pour more into other people’s cups than have our cups filled by them. But, this should not leave us worried because I am sure that God will reward us more than we can think or imagine. Trust the process and obey the voice of the Spirit speaking to you. I pray that God bless you as you get more involved in sharing and spreading love and care. Blessings and love. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
IS THERE A THING SUCH AS WILLPOWER? BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE With Ms Kay
As I was reading a self help, I bumped into something really interesting I thought of sharing. I am going to write this up in a way I understood because I want to express this in a manner that will make it easy for both of us, me and you dear reader, will understand at the same level. The writer touched on the idea or mastering willpower in the means of achieving change. According to the writer, there is no such thing as willpower. And attempting to achieve that always lead to failure, at most. Mastering your willpower because you want to change is not the good idea we assumed it is. Mastering your willpower almost always fails, just like most of our new year's resolutions. About 95% of all new years resolutions fails just by the end of January. The general conclusion would be that they did not have enough willpower. This causes people to beat themselves up and feel weak. The will has no power, and therefore it cannot control us, nor initiate change in any area of our lives. The will is our ability to choose and decide what we want. The will ranges from picking what to eat. Should you eat fish or a pumpkin? That ability to choose pumpkin over fish is the will. That's it, there is nothing more to it, as it is also not an organ that you can find somewhere between your intestines and your gallbladder. If anything, it simply responds to your impulses. Just like a dog when you tell it to sit down, it does that. With that being said, it is influenced by three things, the mind, the body and society. Yes, society. Firstly, what we think in our minds, is what creates emotions. The emotions, our emotions, always leads us to the decisions and actions we take. This is in disregard of how much in control we are of our emotions, (look it up). The second influencer being the body, it is the a complex inner working of impulses. The manor of our bodily systems function without our help. However when the body needs something like water, or food, it expresses itself to the mind, through feelings such as hunger or thirst. The minds is then alerted to communicate with the will to get food or water. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
The biggest influence on us are the people around us. The society. We often call it peer pressure. And the truth is we are never too old or too young for peer pressure. What we call acceptable or unacceptable are basically things instilled in us by society. Whenever you think about "what will people say" over something you want to do, or have done, just know that is peer pressure affecting or rather influencing your will. In conclusion, the will has no power. It is neither strong, nor weak. It's only tasked to do what we tell it to do. The will is basically controlled by the mind, influenced by the body and societal realm. If you want to change, you have to modify or rather shift these three influencers of will. The good thing is we all have control over these three things. We only have to adopt new ideas, practices and social settings. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING AND KNOWLEDGE IN RELATIONSHIPS BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE With Pastor Shonz
Proverbs 24:3 Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: 24:4 And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious andpleasant riches. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE In the Shona culture there is a saying which when translated to English will read, “A home is a woman”. The Shona people especially the Zezuru believe that it is the presence of a woman that makes a home. In a Shona village a homestead with only a little hut made of pole, grass and mud with very little to show is called a home as long as there is a woman there. On the contrary a big house in the same village with very much to show yet the occupant of that house is an unmarried bachelor that homestead is called a house. So in the Shona culture a home is not defined by the presence of a woman of wife and not the size of the properties there. In the scripture above I find very wise counsel from the book of Proverbs. The Bible pointed out three things that are needed for a complete house to stand. Interestingly the Hebrew word translated to house can also be used to mean home or family. Going back to the Shona people the word for house is also used to mean marriage. I would like to apply these concepts to a relationship setting. Thinking of a house in this scripture as a symbol of a relationship let us apply the mentioned concepts. Firstly the Bible here says it requires wisdom for a house to be built. Basically it is informing us that building of a house is not for fools. The same Bible also in Matthew 7: 24 -27 tells us of a fool who built his house on sand and the wise man who built his on a rock. The foolish man’s house collapsed when the storms came. So imagine if building a house requires wisdom how much more wisdom is required for the building of a relationship leading to marriage. According to the Bible the wise man built his house on a rock and it withstood the storms. So wisdom informed the wise man that he had to prepare for what was to come. That is what informed his choice of materials and location for the building of the house. I want to believe that when both men did their constructions it must have been during fine weather. There were no storms to threaten their construction hence the fool managed to build on sand without challenges. Many relationships are founded during fine weather and they look strong and good until the storms come.
Wisdom enables one to see beyond the current status and predict what may come in the future. Most of us when we get into relationships we do so like fools applying no wisdom at all. We are supposed to look beyond now and think of what may happen when the season of storms come. Some of us we make choices as if life is live only in one season. I have seen a lot of relationships that looked very attractive collapsing as soon as seasons changed. Storms of financial draughts, infidelity, sickness, financial abundance and so on have washed away many housed that were built on sand. The builders did not apply wisdom when they built. They did not interrogate the ground to check if it was strong enough to hold the house in the season of storm. A lady must apply wisdom before investing in the building. The future must be the focus of any relationship. You cannot afford to make choices as if life is only about today and there is no tomorrow. The Bible says at the initial stage wisdom is needed followed by understanding. Having made wise choices one needs understanding in order to establish the house. To establish is to cement, to fix in place of to make firm. I have seen a lot of ladies falling in relationships without understanding of what they are getting into. Most ladies instead of sitting down with their prospective partners to interrogate them so that they understand what they do is they just assume. Many relationships are founded on assumptions. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE
F o r in s t a n c e a m a n will t ell a la d y t h a t h e lo v e s h e r a n d b e c a u s e t h e la d y s e e s t h e m a n a s a t t r a c tiv e a n d h a n d s o m e s h e t h e n r e s p o n s e b y s a yin g s h e lo v e s him t o o. In s t e a d o f a s kin g q u e s tio n s t o fin d o u t w h a t t h e m a m e a n s a n d w h a t his in t e n tio n s a r e t h e la d y a s s u m e s t h a t w h a t s h e t hin k is w h a t t h e m a n s a yin g. Entering a relationship without understanding is like signing a contract without reading the fine print. Sooner or later you are bound to be surprised big time. Before you say yes to a man make sure you understand him, understand his language, understand his family, understand his background, understand his religion, and understand his weaknesses, his strengths and everything there is to know about him. Only through understanding can a house be established. Lastly the Bible then says by knowledge shall the rooms of the house be filled with the furniture. This means when wisdom is met with knowledge then one can use the too to make the relationship work, look beautiful and attractive. Where other relationships look nasty and ugly one in which the people involved have wisdom and understanding takes a different shape because those in it have knowledge to deal with issues. In a relationship you need knowledge to manage conflicts, you need knowledge to merge and reconcile conflicting world views, priorities and ideas. Sadly most of us find ourselves trying battle with all these elements yet without knowledge. Knowledge is wisdom that becomes available where wisdom was applied and understanding was sought. BOLD DIALOGUE MAGAZINE Is s u e. 1
In conclusion, if we applied these concepts we would built, establish and furnish our relationships. For that to work we need to start our relationships in full application of wisdom. Understand is key. So we need to make it a point that we fully understand as much as we can before we commit to a relationship. Understanding and wisdom will then forms up the knowledge that is needed to make things work and look beautiful.
I Would Rather Die
I would rather die than reincarnate a woman, Having everyone tell me what it means to be woman, feeling insulted whenever men patronize me, calling me, Woman! Limited by the fact that I am a woman, Finding validation and pride from being told I am now a Woman, Having my identity likened to the calm and not the storm simple because I am Woman, On the streets adapting to the pissing sound, psss, psss, psss, The curse of being attractive woman, Unqualified for high level jobs because apparently women can't lead Guess what? That would be me, a woman, Spread my thighs upon command because Iam just a woman, Women don't feel so cut off that clit and submit to our ways, Woman! Provoking innocent men, Getting raped and being told, I just wasn't dressed like a proper woman, Shamed and vilified because of my body shape and size, You can't be too big or too small when you are a woman, Watching effeminate men stoned for acting like a woman, There is no love but hate for this label, Woman. So I would rather die than go through all that.
HAPPY WOMEN'S MONTH!