Today's Parent 01.02 2022

Wipes
aren’t only

for your
littles

p. 60

PRODUCED BY JESSICA POLLACK and ARIEL BREWSTER
PHOTOGRAPHY BY GENEVIÈVE CARON

TTHIS ISN’T A “new year, new you” guide. For the record, we think
you’re great just the way you are. (And you’re also a good mom doing
an amazing job in a very shitty time.) No, bubble baths and sheet
masks won’t solve all your problems, but quality self-care has been
hard to come by during COVID—especially when you’re nap-
trapped with a pandemic baby. Maybe scrubbing your face with a
fancy exfoliating cleanser or splurging on a pricey serum makes
you feel well-rested during a season of your life when you definitely
aren’t (and can’t be—hello, cluster feeding). So if you’re looking to
cut through the noise of all the beauty fads and sponcon you see on
social media and find the best products that actually work (and
won’t waste precious mat leave dollars), we’ve got you covered.
January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 51

This icy
tool is like
a coffee for
your face

Latme Ice

Roller

FAKE IT ’TIL TWICE AS NICE: To breathe life into exhausted skin, a tinted mois-
YOU MAKE IT turizer or foundation like the new 3 Tower28 SunnyDays SPF 30
Tinted Sunscreen Foundation ($38, revolve.com) gets two things
Expert makeup tips for pretending you aren’t a done at once: You’ll even out your complexion while warding off
milk zombie and making it look like you slept future damage like age spots and fine lines. Just be sure to pick
the right shade. “If you go lighter, it always looks like a mask,” says
I(when you definitely didn’t). Stroh. Going a touch darker might mean you don’t need any extra
BY KATHERINE FLEMMING bronzer or colour on the cheeks. Once you’ve applied it, if you still
need a dab of concealer, apply a small dot under the eye in the inner
ICE, ICE, BABY: After a splash of water, Toronto-based makeup corner, and blend it outward in the crescent area—but stop before
artist Sheri Stroh always starts her morning with a quick pass of you hit the fine lines. Try 4 Hynt Beauty Duet Perfecting Concealer
an ice roller. Like a lint roller for a swollen complexion, this inex- ($32, thedetoxmarket.ca).
pensive tool can bring down puffiness, but more importantly, “It IN LIVING COLOUR: “A lot of people overcompensate and add too
wakes you up and the process feels amazing,” says Stroh, who usu- much blush when they’re trying to liven up their face,” says Stroh.
ally applies the roller for five to 10 minutes while scrolling her phone To keep it subtle, stick to cream-based products and dab a little
or watching the news. You could even use it one-handed while nurs- bit of the colour on the higher parts of your cheekbones using your
ing or pumping. Try the 1 Latme Ice Roller ($16, amazon.ca). fingers, making sure not to bring it too far into the centre of your
GLOW UP: One item Stroh always keeps in her bag is a cream high- face. For a flush that screams “I slept better than Beyoncé,” try the
lighter. “It doesn’t matter how tired you are, this will instantly make fragrance-free, jojoba-laced 5 Beautycounter Cheeky Clean Cream
you look like you’ve had a facial,” she says. Dab it on your cheekbones, Blush ($50, beautycounter.com).
down the nose (skip the tip), on your eyelids and over your dark cir-
cles (to bounce light and minimize the shadows). The 2 Saie Glowy 5
Super Gel Lightweight Dewy Highlighter ($33, sephora.ca) can be 2
applied to bare skin, under foundation and tinted moisturizer, or
over makeup. It blends easily, never looks like a cheesy Instagram 3
filter and adds a few hours of sleep to your complexion.
14

WHAT (Unless they make you feel really good) Waterproof mascara, because it’s a pain to remove. Ma e lipsticks
TO that are tedious to apply and take off (and make for messy baby smooches). Face powders, as the effect will
be dusty—you’re going for fresh and dewy. Anything that requires multiple brushes or tools to use.
SKIP

52 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

DOUBLE-DUTY
BEAUTY

Products that work
for you and your baby.

BY NATALIE STECHYSON

I LIKE TO JOKE that my baby is my human shield, 3 5
bravely protecting me in public from any potential 2 4
judgment about my worn-out leggings, frizzy hair
and general unkempt appearance.

Oh, she’s a mom, I imagine people thinking as we
roll past them on the sidewalk, my gross scrunchie
barely containing my fly-aways. That explains it.

Meanwhile, my baby is dressed like a Gap model,
with flawless skin, rosy cheeks and the cutest match-
ing booties and hat. For some reason, I’ve always been
willing to indulge in the very best outfits, lotions,
balms and accessories—it’s just that they’re always
for the baby, not me.

Well, good news. Many of those same products
you lovingly apply to your kid morning and night
can actually be used as health and beauty products
for yourself. Yes, you, an actual person who deserves
some pampering (even if it comes from the Pampers
aisle). After all, you share bodily fluids and bath-
room trips, and you have zero time, so why not share
a little baby balm?

Here are six double-duty beauty products to bor-
row from your kid:

1. Hello Bello use it (just don’t double 1 6
Everywhere Balm dip if you’re also applying
PRODUCT PHOTOS: ERK PUTZ STYLIST: CHAD BURTON it to your baby’s bu ). 5. Ombrelle Kids so slather it on. It’s makeup. (Even though
More like everyone balm. $9, well.ca Wet’n Protect also less expensive the package says not
This soothing, fragrance- SPF 60 Even if than many high-end to use near your eyes,
free balm from Kristen 3. Johnson’s Baby facial sunscreens. $19, dermatologists say the
Bell and Dax Shepard’s Shampoo The same parenting doesn’t age shoppersdrugmart.ca ingredients are safe.)
baby line can be used you, the sun definitely They are also handy for
on kids and adults. It’s a gentle formula you trust will. A good sunscreen 6. Pampers Sensitive rubbing excess hair dye
great option for treating to clean your baby is also is your best beauty ally, Baby Wipes Baby wipes off your forehead a er
cradle cap, chafing and a fan-favourite beauty and chances are you colour treatments.
sore bums on babies, but hack for cleaning makeup already have one kicking are the Swiss Army knife Keep a perfume-free
on adults it can be used brushes. Baby shampoo around in your diaper of personal care. You pack by the toilet for a
as a lip balm, under the gets rid of the dirt and bag. This kids sunscreen probably already rely on li le freshening up
eyes, as a highlighter oil in the bristles without has a high SPF, is wipes as a replacement a er a big sneeze
on the cheekbones, to drying them out. Just fragrance-free and it for showering some (IYKYK). $12 for six pop-
so en cuticles, and even lather and rinse! won’t clog your pores days, but you can also tops, amazon.ca
to tame frizz and fly- $6, walmart.ca or cause breakouts, use them to remove eye
aways. $9, indigo.ca
4. Aveeno Baby Daily
2. Live Clean Baby Lotion It’s gentle enough
Soothing Oatmeal
Relief Non-Petroleum for newborns—and your
Jelly Any baby jelly own parched body and
face. This fragrance-free
or moisture stick can moisturizer can be used
double as a lip balm, but wherever you need some
the soothing oatmeal TLC. Its light formula
in this one is great for means you can dab it on
dry lips. Plus, it goes on your face for a li le glow
glossy! You’re basically a er another sleepless
a runway model if you night. $7, well.ca

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 53

THE BARE FOR STARTERS, might we remind you that your body hosted an entire additional
MINIMUM human for a very long time? So give yourself a break. Dermatologist Sam Hanna,
medical director at Dermatology on Bloor in Toronto, says his patients sometimes
The easiest ways to show express frustration over how their skin fared after pregnancy—dullness, hyper-
yourself—and your skin— pigmentation and acne that could rival a teenager’s are common once the glow
fades. “Be proud of what you did and recognize that what happened with your
some love. skin is recoverable,” he says, stressing that you didn’t do anything wrong (even
if applying moisturizer a couple times a week summed up your skincare regimen

Ffor the past nine months). Since there might be days postpartum when washing
your face feels like summiting Mount Everest, skip the 12-step system and focus
on simply nourishing and feeding your skin in three simple steps.

TREAT YOURSELF

Can you remember the last time
you did something just for you?
If you’re feeling fancy, level up

with these three splurges.

Mask up Eyes on the prize Super serum

Let a face mask do Since your eyes are Serums contain
the heavy lifting. barely closing these smaller molecules
Drunk Elephant days, tending to the so they can go the
F-Balm Electrolyte extra mile to pene-
Waterfacial Mask skin around your trate below the skin’s
($68, sephora.ca) peepers is basically surface. But with so
contains super- many options—some
hydrator coconut an essential ser- with prices scarier
water and texture- vice. Dermalogica than a poonami—it’s
treater niacinamide Awaken Peptide hard to know which
to even out your Eye Gel ($80, derm- bottle to choose.
complexion. Slap alogica.ca) contains Caudalie Vinoperfect
this on when you’re a blend of soothing Radiance Serum
about to embark on ingredients like rose- ($95, shoppersdrug-
your kids’ mara- mary leaf extract, to mart.ca) is an oil-free
thon bedtime rou- minimize puffiness blend that gives skin
tine. It’s designed to and the appearance a glowy boost, call-
be worn overnight, of fine lines. Dab ing upon viniferine,
so you can consider below your lower a sap from grapevine
your skincare rou- lashes and on your stalks, to brighten
tine sorted. When orbital bone (just skin, as well as ultra-
you rinse it off in the below your brows) moisturizing olive
morning, you’re left using your ring fin-
with nearly new- ger, which applies squalane.
born-level softness. the least amount —Katherine
of pressure to the
delicate eye area. Flemming

54 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

1. Stock your shower with an 2. Give your face another 3. Finish with a moisturizer 1
2
unfragranced, non-soap cleanser pass with a spritz of toner to devoid of fragrance and artificial
you can use when you finally cleanse, clarify, and wick up any colour. If you don’t know where 3
get a chance to hop in there. remaining residue. You’ll feel to start, Hanna’s general rule
Try La Roche-Posay Lipikar u erly refreshed in the process. of thumb is to avoid products
Syndet AP+ ($21, at drugstores Try Pai Skincare Living Water you wouldn’t feel comfortable
and mass market retailers), which ($48, thedetoxmarket.ca), which pu ing on your baby. CeraVe
feels like a luxurious French facial keeps the moisture barrier intact Moisturizing Cream ($12,
in an easy-to-use pump. The and won’t alter your pH balance, amazon.ca) is a non-greasy
best part? It does triple duty— causing needless skin irritation option containing three essential
use it on your face, your body like redness and flakiness. ceramides as well as hyaluronic
and it’s safe for your newborn’s Use it at any point in the day acid—which translates to super
skin, too. when you need a refresher. hydrated and happy skin.

EDITORS’ IF
PICKS YOU'RE
NURSING
Josie Maran Argan Daily
Moisturizer SPF 47 Protect YES, NO,
and Perfect, $47, sephora.ca MAYBE SO?

“This multi-tasking tinted For pregnant,
sunscreen oil has been a staple chestfeeding and
pumping parents,
for years. It keeps my skin “context ma ers when
hydrated and protected from it comes to assessing
sun damage while also evening the safety of active
my complexion and giving this ingredients,” says
Toronto dermatologist
tired mom a much-needed Sam Hanna. Make
glow up to show off at... school sure you check all the
ingredients in a product
pickup.” —Jessica Pollack, for safety and potential
deputy editor and mom of two irritants. With that in
mind, here are some
general guidelines:

Hyaluronic acid: Yes
Vitamin A/retinol: No
Vitamin C: Yes, but keep it
below 10% concentration

Squalane: Yes
Salicylic acid: No
Niacinamide: Yes

Bakuchiol: Yes
AHAs/BHAs/PHA: No

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 55

MANE
ATTRACTION

These picks will extend good hair days
so the rushed ones look just as fresh.

BY ALICIA COX THOMSON

Pantene Grace Eleyae Revlon Salon the ceramic core protects
Perfectly Foldover One-Step Hair hair from damage. The oval
Undone Warm Slap Dryer and brush shape allows you to
Texturizing with Pom Voluminizer create volume right at the
Sugar Spray roots while leaving the ends
$57, graceeleyae.com $70, canadiantire.ca soft and smooth. It’s been
$11, well.ca Slap is short for positively reviewed on all
If beachy waves are high satin-lined cap, and this This wildly popular types of hair and for all
on your “if only I had time” warm version is ideal for multi-tasking drying brush experience levels. Plus, a
list, this finishing spray will strolls with baby during icy (it became TikTok famous in nice perk is that it can be
get you there, fast. Strands Canadian winters. Many 2020) delivers on the hype. used one-handed (a skill all
are coated with non-sticky Black women protect their Ionic technology plus 1,100 moms master quickly).
sugar, vitamins B5 and E, hair with satin products, watts of power dry hair faster
and amino acids, adding especially at night, but the and leave it smoother, while
texture and shine. It’s easy to benefits of doing so can help
use—just spritz onto dry hair all hair types (including
and tousle for that piece-y, heat-treated straight and
imperfect perfection. The curly hair, braided styles and
lovely, light scent is far from more). The inner satin layer
overpowering—just enough of this cute beanie, which
to mask that not-so-fresh comes in a few flattering
under-slept mom smell. colours, reduces friction
and frizz while retaining
She’s Like hydration.
the Wind
Invisible Love Ur
Dry Shampoo Curls Deep
& Conditioner Conditioner
and Repair
$25, voirhaircare.com
Multi-taskers are a mom’s $33, lusbrands.com
best friend. Reach for this The best way to take
two-in-one dry shampoo care of curly hair is to use
plus conditioner when you products specifically made
need to add yet another 24 for it. One thing curls need
hours to the good hair day in order to pop is hydration,
you had last week (no and this deep conditioner is
judgment). The fine powder packed with ultra-rich shea
plumps up roots and butter, aloe vera, avocado
mattifies the greasy bits oil, vitamins and more. It’s
without leaving residue. vegan and cruelty-free, plus
It’s packed with 95 percent free from all the additives
naturally derived that weigh hair down and
ingredients, including leave curls lifeless. Since you
scalp-soothing green tea need to use it for only five to
extract and hydrating 15 minutes a week, you can
kakadu plum, to revive tired apply to clean, damp hair in
hair into soft, bouncy locks. the shower—or, if you can
So go ahead, do your best swing one, a nice long bath.
Dirty Dancing strut on the It’s a small commitment for
way to stroller fitness. self-care and healthy hair.

56 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

Can natural deodorant What can you do about it? Stick it to your mom stink with a
battle your new-mom B.O.? good deodorant (which masks odour but doesn’t block sweat)
or antiperspirant (which reduces the amount you sweat,
SPICY GARBAGE. Hot death. Essence of onion. These are thanks to a key ingredient: aluminum). If sweating is your
just some of the colourful terms I’ve used to describe my main issue, opt for a traditional antiperspirant, Carroll says.
body odour since having babies. But if your main issue is odour, not wetness, you can try a
more “natural” product or deodorant to mask it.
I expected mom life to be a little on the smelly side, what What makes a deodorant natural? First of all, there’s no
with the dirty diapers and spit-up and all. What I didn’t such thing as a natural antiperspirant. A natural deodorant
expect was the most offensive stink to be my own. But tends to use essential oils and natural antibacterial ingre-
between the hormones, sleepless nights, stress and baby- dients to hide odour and reduce bacteria, Carroll says. But
wipe sponge baths (we’ve all done it, right?), I am definitely “natural” is simply a marketing term. “Traditional antiper-
more ripe than I’ve ever been in my life. spirants are perfectly safe and can be used worry-free,” says
Carroll. “Moms have enough to worry about without stress-
And, much to my annoyance, my certain je ne c’est quoi ing over deodorant or antiperspirants.”
has lingered well beyond the newborn phase, when a shower Why is natural deodorant so popular? There has been a
was a luxury. My kids are in daycare and kindergarten, I growing demand for more natural ingredients in deodor-
bathe regularly and I have yet to find a deodorant that can ants. While there is no evidence that the aluminum in anti-
keep up with my spice. At least I know I’m not alone, since perspirants causes breast cancer (which is a common but
finding a deodorant that works is one of the hottest topics unfounded worry), many people still find the idea of a natu-
in my Facebook mom groups, natural deodorants are all ral deodorant more appealing. Some feel like the armpit
the rage among influencers, and #armpitdetox has four should be allowed to “breathe” and that sweat is a natural
million views on TikTok alone. function that shouldn’t be blocked.
Welcome to motherhood! You stink now. The culprit is
hormonal changes in pregnancy that can continue post- If you’re interested in hopping on the natural-deodorant
partum, says Toronto dermatologist Julia Carroll. The com- bandwagon, here are five highly rated ones to try. It will
position of your sweat changes during pregnancy, and may likely take some time and trial and error to find the option
never change back to its exact pre-baby composition, Carroll that works best for your budget, your body and your stink.
explains. “Based on my practice, and chatting with fellow —Natalie Stechyson
moms, I would say it’s quite common.”

Five natural deodorants to stick it to your postpartum stink PTIITHT’ESS

Routine Native Dove 0% Undercarriage Schmidt’s
Stick Deodorant Aluminum Cream Natural
Deodorant
Deodorant Native is one of the Deodorant Deodorant
most popular natural Dove introduced
Routine is all the deodorants, and for an aluminum-free The name alone Also popular in my
rage in my “natural version of its popular endears this one to crunchier-mom
mama” Facebook good reason. It goes deodorant in 2019, and us, but the reviews
groups, my circle of on smooth, has a light it has topped several Facebook groups
friends and my book beauty editors’ lists are positive, too. is Schmidt’s Natural
club. It smells sweet scent that fans say since. If your main Undercarriage can be Deodorant, which is an
and fresh and has fun lasts all day and it’s concern is simply to be used anywhere on the inexpensive, great-
names like “Cat Lady,” readily available in aluminum-free, this (or body (hence the name) smelling unisex option
“Dirty Hipster” and most drugstores. And another aluminum-free and it’s handmade in that you can sometimes
“Like a Boss.” It’s also hopefully its plastic- mainstream brand) is Canada. It’s also cruelty- even find at Costco.
available in a baking probably the “natural” Some find the baking
soda–free formula for free, responsibly deodorant for you. free and comes in soda a li le irritating,
sensitive skin. Bonus: sourced paperboard Main ingredients: “No BS” (no baking though, so if you have
dipropylene glycol, sensitive skin, you may
It’s Canadian. packaging will soda) formulas.
Main ingredients: be available in water, glycerin, Main ingredients: want to avoid.
coconut oil, magnesium Canada soon. propylene glycol, arrowroot powder, Main ingredients:
hydroxide, cornstarch, Main ingredients: coconut oil, baking arrowroot powder,
coconut oil, shea bu er, fragrance. $9, baking soda, coconut
essential oils. baking soda, tapioca shoppersdrugmart.ca soda, beeswax,
$28, routinecream.com starch, probiotics. $19, essential oils. oil, shea bu er.
shoppersdrugmart.ca $24, undercarriage- $16, well.ca
deodorant.com

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 57

Thanks, 1
I saw it on
2
TikTok! 3

4

We tried popular TikTok beauty trends—the good, 5
the bad and the downright strange—so you don’t
have to squander your baby’s naptime assessing

what’s worth the extra effort. BY AMY VALM

TRY IT! SKIP IT! MAYBE?

58 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

IIF YOU HAVEN’T become consumed by TikTok videos, congratula- EDPIITCOKRSS’

tions—but also, you’re missing out. Beauty TikTok, specifically, is Baby Foot $23, well.ca
populated with makeup artists and influencers hawking products and
sharing genius (and sometimes questionable) tricks. We waded through “I finally tried cult-favourite Baby Foot and now
bathrobe braids, burnt-almond eyeliners and clumpy mascaras to help I’m obsessed. All you do is soak your feet in
you spend your five precious minutes of morning me-time wisely, with gel-filled plastic socks, wash it off and forget
our honest opinion on some of the buzziest TikTok products. about it. About a week later, the dry, dead
1. Taped Eyeliner Wings sleep-striking infant. And if you skin on your feet starts magically peeling off.
can’t French braid, don’t even It’s equal parts disgusting and amazing, but
VIRAL VIDEO: @kat_longoria try it. If you can French braid and a erwards, your feet are as so as a baby’s.”
somehow have a moment of peace
Now, we would argue that the in the evening—along with two free —Kim Shiffman, editor-in-chief and mom of two
old tape-and-eyeliner trick hands—this is how it works: Place
has been making the rounds long the tie from your robe over your L’Occitane Shea Butter Hand
before TikTok, but it’s resurfaced head and weave it into two braids. Cream $35, loccitane.com
with a bit of a new spin: Use medical Awkwardly sleep on it and reveal
tape or a fabric bandage cut into an effortless flounce that’s just “A li le of this goes a long way. It’s smooth
long, thin strips and wrap it around begging for a spritz of spit-up. and creamy and keeps my skin moisturized
your face. We’ll say it again: Centre
the tape under your nose and wrap 4. Peter Thomas Roth without being greasy. It even lasts
the ends up to the corner of your Instant FIRMx Temporary through multiple hand washes.” —Sadiya
eyes. Add two more small pieces Face Tightener
of tape around your eyes to form a Dendar, senior editor and mom of one
point. Make it extra sharp so it will VIRAL VIDEO: @trinidad1967
terrify both you and your baby. Dip Lancôme Effacernes Waterproof Long-
your fingers in black eyeshadow Maybe you saw this one— Lasting Concealer $41, shoppersdrugmart.ca
and dab over the tape stencil. the video got over 31 million
Peel away to reveal sharp-as-hell views for what seemed like sorcery. “This under-eye concealer has been my splurge
wingtips. It does work, but it’s a lot A 54-year-old TikTok user demoed for years. It makes me look rested when I most
of effort—and, really, is perfecting the PTR eye cream ($63, sephora.
the cat-eye a priority? TL;DR? Try ca) on one side of her face and definitely am not. It layers well under a BB
it for fun, not as a miracle fix. the results were undeniable. As cream and the li le tube lasts a long time.”
it soaked into her skin, the bags —Ariel Brewster, senior editor and mom of two
2. Madluvv Brows tightened and shrunk. But here’s
Eyebrow Stamp Kit the thing: As it dries, it leaves a Cela Seed to Skin Scrub $42, thisiscela.com
noticeable white cast and parches
VIRAL VIDEO: @madluvvbrows the skin so that when you smile, “When you only have five minutes to shower, this
you crinkle. Badly. Oh, and the indulgent scrub feels like a trip to the spa—the
If you over-plucked in the results aren’t as good if you put
early aughts and haven’t makeup over it. smell, texture and the way it leaves your skin
made the leap to microblading, looking and feeling so refreshed. It also saves time
give these stencils a try. The 5. Maybelline Lash
waterproof and sweat-resistant Sensational Sky- by serving as a moisturizer.” —Simone Olivero,
formula comes in a kit ($49, High Mascara senior editor on mat leave, and mom of two
madluvv.com) with five stencils,
a brow stamp, a spoolie brush and VIRAL VIDEO: @jessica.eid_ January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 59
zipped pouch. Find your preferred
stencil shape, press down and During your precious escape
quickly bingo-dab your brows on. to the drugstore, venture
We were skeptical, but honestly, away from the diaper aisle to find
a brow pencil could never. Since this viral mascara. It’s an easy
it’s waterproof, cleaning it off is yes because of its affordability
a commitment. But we see your (priced between $10 and $14)
slightly smudged two-day brows and the sky-scraping lengths it
as working smart, not hard. achieves with a couple of swipes,
even if you’re working with stubs.
3. Bathrobe curls Just make sure you don’t grab the
waterproof kind—that formula is
VIRAL VIDEO: @bacardibri123 clumpy and creates raccoon eyes
that accentuate your under-eye
Since you’re already in circles a er you finally get that
a bathrobe 24/7, this trend shower you’ve been waiting for.
might be tempting. But Gen Z Plus, good news, it’s no longer sold
ignited this bouncy, heatless out. Sometimes it pays to buy into
curl trend, and these same Gen Z the hype a li le late.
TikTokers don’t have a nursing,

60 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

ALL
BODIES
ARE
WRITTEN BY ILLUSTRATIONS BY
LINDA GERHARDT LUCILA PERINI

GOOD
BODIES
A parents’ guide to raising
fat children.

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 61

MY MOM AND I NEVER REALLY TALK ABOUT how she mothered her fat child. It’s ily of large, stocky people. I was going to be fat
too painful for both of us. But after she read a blog post of mine, she called me. no matter what she did.

“I’m so sad,” she said. “I experienced the same issues with being an overweight So, since no guidebook was available for her,
child, and I didn’t want my daughter to go through the same experiences. But the this is my attempt to help parents who are where
steps I took just made it worse.” she was. How do you raise a fat, healthy, happy
child? I’m not a doctor or a psychologist. I’m just
I get it: It’s impossible to have a child and not feel a primal need to protect them a fat kid who grew into a fat adult, and this is
from painful things you experienced in your childhood. But in trying to pre-emp- what would have been helpful to me.
tively protect me, she ended up being the first person to teach me to distrust and
feel ashamed of my body. 1 Teach them about
body diversity.
I don’t blame her or hold a grudge. Parents do the best they can with the tools
they have. When my mother was parenting me, there was no guidebook for how to One of the most painful things I experienced as
raise a fat child. The only thing she knew how to do was teach me to protect myself a fat kid was the sheer helplessness I felt being in
by thinking about what people might tease me for, to sign me up for sports, to listen my body. Thin was the default. All the kids
to the paediatricians telling her I should lose weight, and to encourage me to eat around me were thin. My siblings were thin. My
less and move more. In my case, it was trying to fight city hall. I come from a fam-

62 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

mom was thin. I was not. And it really and truly IN TRYING I had my hunger interrogated as a child and
was not my fault; fatness is hard-coded into my TO PRE- learned to interrogate it myself. And soon I had
DNA. And yet I felt like my body was failing me. no sense if I was hungry or full. I turned to diets
EMPTIVELY to teach me how to eat, because I no longer had
But what would have happened if I had been PROTECT a clue and didn’t trust my own hunger and body.
told that my body was good as it was? What if I ME, MY This pulled me further and further away from
had learned about body diversity as a child MOTHER these natural cues.
instead of in my late 20s? As a society, we have ENDED
become much better at teaching children about UP BEING Allow your children, even when that child lives
the differences in humans, but we rarely include THE FIRST in a fat body, to trust themselves.
weight diversity in these lessons. PERSON
TO TEACH 3 Let them walk away from
Raise your children to understand that thin is ME TO activities they don’t enjoy,
not the default, but just one point on a vast spec- DISTRUST without guilt or shame.
trum of different body sizes. Some bodies are thin. AND FEEL
Some bodies are fat. Some bodies are muscular ASHAMED It’s great to encourage kids’ interests in organized
and burly. Some bodies are fat in some places while movement. But where it gets tricky, and where
being thin in others. And they are all good. OF MY BODY. it can have a lifelong impact, is when they are not
allowed to quit activities they don’t enjoy.
When your child asks, “Why is that person
fat?” or “Why are you fat?” or even “Why am I I get it. Organized sports? Expensive as hell.
fat?” don’t tell them it’s mean to ask that ques- Dance class? By the time you pay tuition and buy
tion. Tell them that it’s just one way for a body the leotards, tights and ballet slippers, it’s not
to be. Explain to them that no two bodies are just a class, it’s an investment. It can also seem
alike, and some bodies are bigger than others, like a great time to teach kids a lesson about stick-
just like some bodies are smaller than others. ing with a commitment.
Teach them that no body has more value than
another. Tell them all bodies are good bodies. But childhood is a time of exploration. And
Ask them, “Isn’t it amazing that there are so when it comes to trying out new activities, kids
many different ways to be?” are not going to like everything they try. And
when it comes to exercise and movement in par-
2 Teach them to trust their ticular, the ramifications of forcing them to stick
bodies and their hunger. with it can be long-lasting and severe. It can turn
an innocent attempt to try something new into
Or, rather, don’t teach them to distrust their bod- something that feels like punishment. And that,
ies. Children are born with inherent body trust. in turn, can make physical activity in general
They know, without trying, what their bodies feel like a punishment.
want. Babies know when they are hungry, when
they are ready to roll over and hold their own So here’s what parents of fat kids can do: Let
heads up, and to stand and walk for the first time. your kids try new things. If they enjoy it, awe-
Distrust is taught. some! But if they come to you and say they don’t
want to go anymore, ask questions, ask them
It happens slowly. Sometimes, distrust is sown why—but let them walk away.
by unavoidable things, like when a child feels
confident they can jump from a great height and 4 Don’t restrict their diets,
instead ends up falling and hurting themselves. and don’t moralize food.
That kind of distrust, the kind that teaches cau-
tion, is useful. But sometimes distrust is sown This is hard for parents of fat children: Year after
by parents questioning things that a child inher- year, when they take their children to the paedia-
ently knows—for instance, when a parent ques- trician, they are told their child is too heavy. And
tions whether their child is really hungry, or usually the advice is “eat less and move more.”
really needs a second helping or snack. That kind (Can you hear me sighing through the text here?
of distrust can be poison. And fat children learn Because I’m loudly and dramatically sighing.)
that distrust much more often and more harshly
than thin children. The trouble is, restriction makes people hun-
gry, and it can lead to weird and disordered behav-
In fat children, this is the beginning of discon- iour around food. When you restrict specific foods,
necting mind from body. It’s how children and frame foods as “good” and “bad,” it’s hard for
develop fraught relationships with food and eat- kids to understand. It usually results in fear of
ing and internalize shame around food. food, and a feeling that their own natural desire
for certain foods that are “bad” is, in fact, what’s
I’m in my 30s and I am still working on re- “bad.” It creates guilt and shame.
establishing the connection between my mind
and body. By the time I was a teenager, I no lon- When my mother attempted to restrict my
ger felt the normal cues of hunger and fullness. diet, I started hiding food. I hoarded snacks in
my room. I snuck into the kitchen at night and

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 63

ate in secret. I became afraid of eating in front When you frame foods as “good” and
of people. I often ate two meals—the smaller “bad,” it creates guilt and shame.
“healthy” meal of “good” foods I ate in front of
my mother, and the secret meal I ate later when Be neutral about food. All food can be
I was still hungry and obsessing over the food I part of a healthy, well-lived life.
actually wanted to eat.
and enough at any size if you can’t believe it about yourself. You can’t save your kid
Fat kids should, in fact, be offered an abun- from a lifetime of dieting and misery while you’re doing keto or Weight Watchers
dance of food. Make all kinds of food available or googling weight loss surgery to lose weight yourself. You can’t teach them to trust
to them. Encourage a love of food. Have them their bodies when you don’t trust your own. And you can’t instill in them the idea
cook with you and develop positive memories of that all bodies are good bodies when you associate your body and your child’s fat
food while teaching them valuable skills that body with pain, humiliation and torment.
will help them throughout their lives. Add
foods—don’t take them away. 6 Don’t try to protect your child from bullying
by accidentally assuming the role of the bully.
And be neutral about food. All food can be part
of a healthy, well-lived life. Teach them that food For me, it started when I was a chubby kid who wanted to buy a bikini in my favou-
is just food. Eating broccoli will not put a halo rite colours. “What if kids make fun of your stomach?” asked my mom, frowning.
around anyone’s head, and eating ice cream or
chocolate or greasy fast food is not “indulgent” It had never occurred to me before. It was, honestly, the first time I had really
or “bad” or “sinful” or “decadent.” It’s all just considered my fat belly at all. And all it took was a quick disapproving glance and
food. This doesn’t mean that if your kid wants a question to create 30-odd years of intense insecurity about my belly.
ice cream for dinner every night, you should give
them ice cream for dinner every night. This is I get that this is hard. When you have kids, you’re seeing them through the eyes
not about adhering to your child’s food whims; of all the schoolyard taunts you endured. So, letting them leave the house in the
it’s just striking a balance of providing thought- outfit they love but might get them teased in feels like sending a lamb to slaughter.
ful guidance about how to eat for nourishment But when you try to stop them, you assume the role of the bully. You are bullying
and setting them up to have a positive relation- your child to prevent them from being bullied.
ship with food and their bodies.

We know that restrictive diets for kids don't
work. They usually do nothing but f*ck up their
relationship with food, with themselves and with
their parents.

5 Work on your own f*cked-up
relationship with food and
your body.

Your kids see you. They watch you. They notice
the things you do. You’re their role model for how
to be a person. So, if you’re struggling with your
own shitty relationship with food and your body,
they will absorb that. And, sooner or later, they
will start to mirror it right back to you.

It’s not easy. But it’s essential for parents to
model a positive relationship with food and their
bodies. This means eating intuitively, no food
moralizing at the dinner table, no talking shit
about your own body or anyone else’s, no diet-
ing, and no limiting your own experiences and
enjoyment because of your body size (for exam-
ple, not joining your kids in the pool or at the
beach because you don’t want to be seen in a
swimsuit).

This might require some soul-searching and
maybe even some therapy. But it will be worth
it, not just for your kid, but for you.

You can’t possibly hope to raise a happy, con-
fident fat kid if you are personally torn up about
your own weight. You just can’t. You can’t make
your kid believe that they are worthy, good, loved

64 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

And here’s why that’s wrong: FAT KIDS Bacon’s book Health at Every Size: The Surprising
ARE ALMOST Truth About Your Weight is a great place to start.
• It lends validity to the theoretical bul- CERTAIN TO
HAVE THEIR Other adults, even ones who are “profession-
ly’s taunts. als,” have no right to undermine your intention
WEIGHT to raise your child to believe they are good, wor-
• It places the onus on your child to avoid SINGLED thy, valuable and loved at any size. You do not
OUT AS A have to listen to paediatricians or school nurses
bullying, rather than on other children PROBLEM or administrators. Stand. Your. Ground.
not to be bullies. BY ADULTS.
BUT YOU, 8 Teach them about
• Your child might not get bullied or taunted AS THEIR fatphobia, weight bias
PARENT, and why they’re wrong.
at all, which means that you’ve crushed NEED TO BE
their confidence on an assumption. YOUR KID’S Your child is sure to encounter fatphobia at some
FIERCEST point in their lives, directly or indirectly. And,
• It can be the first time your child has ever ADVOCATE. like racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia
and other forms of discrimination and hate, it’s
considered that something about them is important to talk about it with your child and
a thing they could be teased or bullied let them know that it’s wrong.
about, building new insecurities.
This can mean pausing a movie and talking
• It erodes their trust in you as their parent about negative depictions of fat people. (I love
Harry Potter, but whoa, Nelly, the Dursleys
and protector. would be a great entry point to talking about how
fat people are often portrayed as villains.) This
• It chips away at their self-confidence. can mean calling out a friend or family member
• It teaches them to consider what others making fatphobic comments about other people’s
bodies. This can be sitting down and having
might think or say ahead of what they tough talks about discrimination your child per-
want and how they feel. sonally experiences. But it’s important to frame
it as what it is: inexcusable, rooted in hatred and
• It can make them feel hurt, ashamed, fear, and never OK.

embarrassed and unsafe. 9 Expose your child to positive
representations of fat people.
• And really I could just go on and on
Representation is important, so make sure your
forever. fat kid has access to media where they are rep-
This requires abandoning some control. Your resented. Have conversations with your kids
child might get teased. They might come home about the representation of fat people in books
in tears. But you should be a safe harbour. You and movies where fat means villainous, dishon-
should be a place of acceptance, safety and love. est, lazy, bad, stupid or mean, as well as balanc-
And you can talk to them about bullying and how ing these portrayals with positive ones.
to deal with people who are mean to them, and
you can reinforce that their body is their own, 10 Love and accept them
belongs to them, and it’s not OK for anyone to for who they are.
make fun of it. But you should never, ever imply
that they were even remotely at fault or that they This should go without saying, but it can be hard
are deserving of ill-treatment. for many parents to do in practice. Sometimes
fat children can grow up feeling like nothing they
7 Be a fierce advocate for do will make their parents prouder than losing
your child with doctors, weight. I still feel that way sometimes. So it’s
teachers and other adults. important to commit to accepting, supporting
and loving your child no matter what—even if
Fat kids are almost certain to have their weight they remain fat their whole lives.
singled out as a problem by adults. But you, as their
parent, need to be your kid’s fiercest advocate. When you raise your fat child in an atmo-
sphere of love and acceptance, they may grow
If your doctor is telling you that your child’s into fat adults. But they will grow into confident,
weight is a problem, there are things you can do. capable fat adults, well-equipped to deal with a
Insist that these conversations happen without world that still has a million miles to go toward
your child around to hear. Request that your body liberation. And that, really, is the best any
child not be weighed. Request that they provide parent can do.
you with evidence-based medicine and provide
scientifically sound information about their con-
cerns and recommendations.

And, if necessary, move to a paediatrician who
focuses less on your child’s weight.

Don’t allow them to beat you down into think-
ing that a higher-weight child is a medical crisis.
Don’t allow them to convince you that you must
make your child lose weight at any cost. Stand
firm in your belief that all bodies are good bod-
ies, and call them on fatphobia and bad informa-
tion. Arm yourself with knowledge—Lindo

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 65

RecAonCcTiliION!
SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS

Dear Canada, )

Dahooja! (That m

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learning and acting is just one of the 4 Truth and Reconciliation
Commission (TRC) Calls to Action.

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• Find free learning resources and 7 free

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Food&Family

Easy meals, nutrition, news, tips

Small sips

Start transitioning
to cow’s milk by

adding just one or
two tablespoons

to breastmilk
or formula.

SLOW
STAENADDY

PHOTO: STOCKSY GOT MILK? So should you consider for healthy development, Have questions about
avoiding dairy and instead including fat, protein, milk? Here’s a li le-known
Your babe is approaching their first transition to rice, soy, calcium and vitamin D. fact: Most Canadians
birthday and you’re ready to wean almond or oat milk? Unless Not all plant-based milks have access to registered
your family must avoid can say the same. As your dietitians for free. Contact
them off breastmilk or formula. dairy, dietitians say cow’s babe grows older and your local health unit or call
There was a time when cow’s milk milk is your best bet. eats a more varied diet, it 811 in BC, Alberta and New-
would have been your only option Beyond being the most becomes easier for them foundland; 877-830-2892 in
but today, the choices are endless. accessible choice, cow’s to get those nutrients from Manitoba; 866-797-0000 in
milk provides the vital food, but at this age, you Ontario; and 833-966-5541
nutrients that babies need can’t count on it. in Saskatchewan.

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 67

When people think of their health-care experience, they think of long wait times,
harsh lighting and cold rooms. They think of being unheard and unseen.
They think of getting lost in a frustrating system. It’s that much worse
for those experiencing disadvantage.

Nearly 70% of Canadians say the system needs an overhaul, and we don’t disagree.

So, at St. Michael’s Hospital, we’re creating – along with our patients and
their families – the new face of health care.

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Easy meals FOOD&FAMILY

NOODLE
WISE

Cold winter nights beg
for hearty comfort foods.
And these veggie-loaded
versions of your favourite
pasta dishes sure do deliver.

RECIPES BY THE CHATELAINE KITCHEN
PHOTOGRAPHY BY ERIK PUTZ
FOOD STYLING BY ESHUN MOTT

PROP STYLING BY MADELEINE JOHARI
PRODUCED BY SADIYA DENDAR

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 69

FOOD&FAMILY Easy meals

YELLOW +
SQUASH
SPAGHETTI WITH KITCHEN TIP
MUSHROOM
MEATBALLS Boil your pasta in a
large pot with plenty
PAGE 73 of water so it has lots

70 todaysparent.com January+February 2022 of space to move
around as it cooks

and expands.

SPINACH
AND PEA
PESTO PASTA

PAGE 73

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 7 1

PUMPKIN
MAC AND
CHEESE

PAGE 73

72 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

Easy meals FOOD&FAMILY

Pour in pasta sauce. Cook, covered and 4. Add pesto to pasta. Stir to coat. Divide
stirring occasionally, until meatballs are pasta among four plates. Garnish with
cooked through, about 10 min. more cheese, if desired.
5. Pasta: Cook pasta in a pot following Per serving 620 calories, 23 g protein,
package directions until tender, about 95 g carbs, 17 g fat, 7 g fibre, 6 mg iron,
10 min. Drain in a colander. 580 mg sodium
6. Return saucepan to stovetop and set
1 YELLOW SQUASH over medium. Add ¼ cup water, then
SPAGHETTI squash. Cook, stirring occasionally, until
squash is tender and saucepan is dry,
WITH MUSHROOM 2 to 3 min.
7. Add pasta. Stir to combine.
MEATBALLS 8. Divide pasta among plates. Top with
pasta sauce and meatballs. Sprinkle with
SERVES 4 PREP 25 MIN; TOTAL 1 HR 15 MIN basil and more cheese, if desired.
Per serving 800 calories, 37 g protein,
MEATBALLS 114 g carbs, 22 g fat, 9 g fibre, 7 mg iron, 3 PUMPKIN MAC
¼ onion, coarsely chopped 1,180 mg sodium. AND CHEESE
2 garlic cloves
1 227-g pkg cremini mushrooms, SERVES 4 PREP 10 MIN; TOTAL 20 MIN

quartered 1 900-mL carton vegetable broth
5 tsp olive oil, divided 1½ cups canned pumpkin purée
¼ tsp salt 454 g macaroni pasta
225 g lean ground beef 1 cup grated Parmigiano-
⅓ cup finely grated Parmigiano-
Reggiano cheese
Reggiano cheese 1 cup mascarpone or cream cheese
⅓ cup Italian-style bread crumbs 2 tsp Dijon mustard (optional)
1 large egg

PASTA 2 SPINACH AND PEA 1. Boil broth with pumpkin purée and
1 650-mL jar roasted red pepper or PESTO PASTA 1 cup water in a large, wide pot over
medium-high. Add pasta, then reduce
primavera pasta sauce SERVES 4 PREP 10 MIN; TOTAL 20 MIN heat to medium. Cook, stirring often,
454 g spaghe i pasta until pasta is tender and most of the liq-
2 large yellow squash or zucchini, 2 cups packed baby spinach uid has been absorbed, 10 to 15 min. Pasta
1 cup frozen green peas should look slightly saucy, but not soupy.
spiralized, about 454 g 454 g farfalle pasta 2. Remove from heat. Stir in cheeses and
¼ cup small basil leaves (optional) 2 garlic cloves mustard (if desired) until cheese melts.
¼ cup sunflower seeds Serve immediately.
1. Meatballs: Pulse onion and garlic in 1 cup basil leaves Per serving 790 calories, 26 g protein,
a food processor until finely chopped. ½ cup grated Parmigiano- 97 g carbs, 32 g fat, 6 g fibre, 5 mg iron,
Transfer to a medium bowl. Add mush- 1,070 mg sodium.
rooms to food processor. Pulse until Reggiano cheese
finely chopped. 1 tsp lemon zest
2. Heat a large non-stick frying pan 2 tbsp lemon juice
over medium-high. Add 3 tsp oil, then 2 tbsp olive oil
chopped vegetables and salt. Cook, stir- ½ tsp salt
ring occasionally, until mushroom mix-
ture is dry, about 10 min. Scrape back 1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add Pro tip
into same bowl. Set aside to cool com- spinach and peas. Cook for 1 min, then
pletely, about 30 min. use a slotted spoon to transfer vegetables Salting the cooking
3. Add beef, cheese, bread crumbs and to a food processor. water is your opportunity
egg to cooled mushroom mixture. Season 2. Cook pasta in the same pot of boiling
with pepper. Mix with hands until com- water, following package directions, to season the pasta
bined. Form mixture into 2-tbsp-sized about 10 min. Reserve ⅓ cup pasta water. itself. Always bring water
meatballs. (You should have 12.) Drain, then return to pot.
4. Heat same pan over medium-high. 3. Add garlic, sunflower seeds and to a rapid boil before
Add 2 tsp oil, then meatballs. Cook, turn- reserved pasta water to food processor. adding dry pasta.
ing occasionally, until browned all over, Whirl until finely chopped. Add basil,
3 to 4 min. Reduce heat to medium-low. cheese, lemon zest and juice, oil and salt.
Scoop out all but 1 tbsp fat from pan. Whirl until puréed. (Makes 2 cups pesto.)

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 73

When your child receives a
diagnosis of type 1 diabetes,
it can be overwhelming.

JDRF is here to help.

As you navigate this The JDRF Bag of Hope is filled with
challenging period of useful resources for children and
adjustment to life with teens who have been diagnosed
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you can find helpful Along with educational materials,
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support through the children — Rufus, the Bear with
JDRF Bag of Hope®. Diabetes® — to show your child that
they are not alone while learning to
take shots and test blood sugar.

Get your Bag of Hope today at
jdrf.ca/BagofHope

Steps&Stages

Pregnancy / Newborn / Toddler / Preschool / School age

NOW
KNYOOWU !

Fun fact:

Babies learn to
burp without help

at around 4 to
8 months old.

Newborn:

How to burp
your baby
(and if you

even need to)

PAGE 77

PHOTO: STOCKSY

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 75

STEPS&STAGES NEWBORN TODDLER PRESCHOOL SCHOOL AGE

PREGNANCY

Some say red- KENDRA HARVEY* IS no researchers reviewed all the treat pain. Doctors who pro-
heads are more stranger to pain. She needs literature on the subject and vide pain care will also always
twice as much numbing meds found no evidence to substan- respond to your specific
prone to pain as other patients at the den- tiate increased bleeding in needs: They’ll assess your
and bleeding. tist, and her epidural didn't redheads. pain, administer interven-
What does this work when she gave birth in tions, see how well they work
2019. “Neither did gas and air Research does, how- and adjust as necessary.
mean for [laughing gas] or the intra- ever, indicate a difference
childbirth? venous medicine during in the way redheads expe- That individual care is
labour,” she says. rience pain. A 2004 study, important, since you’re likely
PREG for example, found gingers to find just as many gingers
The reason behind her needed about 20 percent who never had an issue with
NANCY muted response to these pain more general anaesthetic pain management during
interventions may be linked than dark-haired test sub- labour as those who have.
to a surprising source: her jects to prevent them from PHOTO:STOCKSY, ILLUSTRATION: VÉRONIQUE JOFFRE
red hair. moving in response to pain, Take Nicole Starr, for
and a 2005 paper showed that example, a redhead who has
Midwives and medical the numbing effect of local
professionals have long sus- anaesthesia—like the kind ?
pected that redheads expe- you get at the dentist or in an
rience pain differently than epidural—was significantly Did you know?
others, and some say they are reduced in redheads. Even if neither you
more prone to heavy bleed- nor your partner has
ing and hemorrhage as well. On the other hand, a recent red hair, you could
But what does science say study in mice suggests that still have a red-
about these claims? And do redheads may have more opi- headed baby!
expectant gingers need to be oid receptors than other peo- If you both carry the
concerned? ple, meaning they’d need redhead gene, your
lower doses of these drugs to child will have a one-
Although there are anec- get pain relief. “More recep- in-four chance of
dotal reports of increased tors would also increase the being a ginger.
bleeding in redheads—every- body’s own ability to suppress
thing from nosebleeds to pain,” says Norman Buckley, a history of poor response
post-labour hemorrhaging— director of the Michael G. to both dental anaesthet-
there’s nothing that proves DeGroote Institute for Pain ics and opioid drugs, which
it. About a decade ago, British Research and Care, and pro- she discovered when she had
fessor emeritus of anesthe- her wisdom teeth removed
sia at McMaster University at age 17. Before she had her
in Hamilton, Ont. In other son, now four, she was under-
words, even if pain relief standably nervous that an
treatments aren’t effective, epidural might not work.
it’s possible redheads can But it was effective during
better tolerate their pain. that delivery, and again when
she gave birth to her daughter
So, what’s the connec- last year. “In my experience,
tion between hair colour and just because some pain reliev-
pain? Genetics. “The gene ers don’t work doesn’t mean
that gives you red hair is also an epidural won’t,” she says.
associated with changes in
the way the central nervous And even if the drugs
system controls and blocks aren’t effective, redheads
pain,” says Buckley. may be protected by having
a higher threshold for pain.
There’s no need for preg- That lines up with Harvey’s
nant redheads to steel them- experience. “I do find my
selves for the worst in the pain tolerance to be pretty
delivery room, though. high,” she says.

First, Buckley notes, labour Bottom line? All moms-to-
suites deliver a combination be are different, regardless
of local anaesthetics and opi- of hair colour, so don’t make
oids in an epidural, since they any assumptions.
use different mechanisms to —Tamar Satov
*Name has been changed

76 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

PREGNANCY NEWBORN TODDLER PRESCHOOL STEPS&STAGES

SCHOOL AGE

When and how IT’S A TRADITIONAL part of Milky messes A burp is sometimes coupled with some spit-up,
to burp your feeding a newborn: The baby
baby (plus lets go of the breast or bottle, and, man, that stuff can stain. Laundry-stain sticks and enzyme-
why some mom or dad sits the baby up, based detergents are your friends here, but if you want to go old-
then pats their back or mas- school, try scrubbing it with a paste made of baking soda and
cultures don’t sages their tummy until they water. If the fabric is white, squeeze some lemon juice on the stain,
do it at all). burp. If you’re still figuring then put the item out in the sunshine.
out how to burp a baby, you
NEWB might ask yourself: Is this cal position against a shoul- BEST POSITIONS FOR
traditional way actually der or in a carrier and if there
ORN necessary? is a burp to come up, it will BURPING A BABY
just happen naturally.
“The theory is that babies • Try putting the baby high up
swallow air during feedings On the other hand, there
and the air in their tummies are situations where burping on your shoulder so that your
makes them uncomfortable might not be such a bad idea. shoulder presses just below
and gassy—hence the ritual WHEN TO BURP A BABY their tiny rib cage, then gently
of burping,” explains lacta- pat their back. (Don’t forget to
tion consultant and nurse • If the baby was crying for a arrange a receiving blanket or
Jan Barger. burp pad on your shoulder
while before you started to first. Trust us on this!)
She points out, though, feed them, they might have
that in cultures where babies swallowed air while crying • Are you feeding lying down?
are carried upright in wraps, and need help in bringing it
slings or an adult’s arms most up. You may find it helpful to No need to get up! While lying
of the time, burping a baby is burp your baby before feed- on your side, drape the baby
unheard of. Barger adds that ing them. over your hip, facing toward
it can be upsetting to the baby your back (which puts a little
who has just drifted off to • If you are feeding your baby pressure on their tummy)
sleep at the breast to be and pat their back gently.
abruptly sat up and patted for with a bottle, they’re less
several minutes until they likely to be able to form a • With a small baby, the
finally let out a burp. “It also good seal around the nipple,
makes the whole feeding pro- so they’ll swallow more air “folding” technique some-
cess take much longer than while feeding. In addition, times works. Hold baby in
necessary,” she says. Instead, “because most bottles have a a sitting position, then gently
Barger suggests that parents very fast flow, the baby usu- bend them forward, chest
gently put the baby in a verti- ally ends up gulping the liq- toward knees (“folding” the
uid down and gulps air along baby in half), and then
PHOTO:STOCKSY, ILLUSTRATION: VÉRONIQUE JOFFRE with it,” says Barger. straighten them up again.
Repeat a few more times.
• A very fast flow is a problem (Laying the baby on their
back and bending their knees
for some people who breast- to their chest can sometimes
feed or chestfeed as well. If help with gas at “the other
there’s an overactive letdown end,” but it’s less effective in
or an overabundant milk bringing up burps; because
supply, says Barger, and the air tends to rise, a vertical
baby gulps milk very quickly, position is more helpful and
then they may be swallowing leads to less spitting up.)
a lot of air and need help with
burping. (A lactation consul- If you don’t hear a satisfy-
tant or La Leche League ing belch after a minute or
leader can help with tips on two, chances are it’s not going
how to reduce the too-fast to happen—there’s no burp
flow of milk.) to come up. However, if your
baby starts to grimace or wig-
If one of these situations gle around as though they’re
applies to you, or your baby a bit uncomfortable when you
seems uncomfortable after lay them down, it’s worth
feeding and you suspect a giving it another try. For
burp might help, what’s the most kids, it’s just about the
best approach? Each baby only time in their life when
is different, but the key is a loud buuurp will get the
to have the baby vertical response: “Hey, nice job! That
and put a little pressure on was a good one!”
their tummy. —Theresa Pitman

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 7 7

STEPS&STAGES NEWBORN TODDLER PRESCHOOL SCHOOL AGE

PREGNANCY

Why is my AT AGE TWO, Lee-Anne says Kaitlin Rickerd, a pae- walls, then try to find some
toddler so Maier’s son, Theo, was still diatric physical therapist in space where your kid can
obsessed with in diapers, but he could climb New York and the creator of climb safely. It doesn’t have
to the top of the 12-foot net Milestones and Motherhood, to be elaborate. Instead of
climbing climber at the playground. a popular Instagram account telling her toddler son, “No,
everything? Maier quickly got used to all about children’s physical get down,” all the time, Erin
the concerned looks from development. “But climbing Criger, a mom in Toronto,
TODD other parents at the park. “He is hugely beneficial.” had “stair time” scheduled
was such a small kid that he WHY TODDLERS CLIMB into her days, when she let
LER looked like a baby climbing Duflos explains that climb- him climb up and down the
that thing! But I would just ing is “a new way for kids front steps of their house as
say, ‘Hey, good job!’ because I to explore the world, and many times as he wanted. PHOTO:STOCKSY, ILLUSTRATION: VÉRONIQUE JOFFRE
was so certain he could do it.” explore their body.” It uses “He loved it,” she says.
new muscles in a toddler’s
His other favourite trick shoulders and hips, and For something a bit more
was to grab the frame of a they use their core to bal- complex, you can use couch
doorway (one hand on each ance. With every move, their cushions, throw pillows or
side), wriggle himself up until brain has to figure out where a crib mattress to build a
he was dangling about six each hand and foot should makeshift obstacle course.
inches off the floor, and hang go. As they move the left side You could lean an ironing
there like a monkey. of their body, the right part board against the couch for
of their brain lights up with them to crawl or climb up,
Even kids who aren’t activity; as they move the says Rickerd. “Bringing the
climbing the walls of your right side, the left side lights climbing closer to the floor,
home, like Theo, usually go up—and using both sides at where there’s less risk, makes
through a phase around age once to climb helps forge con- it a lot easier to find that bal-
one or two where they want nections between the two. ance between safety and let-
to climb everything, says Since all four limbs are touch- ting them explore.”
Mathilde Duflos, a develop- ing something at the same
mental psychologist in BC. time, they’re also getting lots If you have the space and
They climb out of the crib, of feedback about where their the resources, a Pikler trian-
onto the dining room table, body is in space. (Some peo- gle or a foam kids couch can
or up their parents’ legs. ple call this the sixth sense, be a great designated climb-
explains Duflos.) ing area. (Rickerd prefers
“There is a huge compo- a foam couch, since many
nent of personality to it,” These systems are grow- Piklers are tall and need
ing exponentially during the active supervision.)
first three years of life. This STEP BACK Try not to inter-
is why working all of them by vene too often, says Duflos.
climbing is a great way to “If you are overprotective,
help your child’s brain grow, they never learn what they’re
says Rickerd. There’s also the able to do, and what’s danger-
brain work that comes with ous—and they’re more likely
such a complex task—assess- to get severe injuries later,”
ing risk and executing a
multi-step plan while stay- Maier adopted an “if he
ing focused. got there himself, he can get
down himself” approach
In fact, if your kid can’t when Theo was little. Instead
climb by the time they’re of shouting warnings, she
walking, Duflos says, men- told him: “A place for your
tion it to your doctor. hands, a place for your feet.”
HOW TO KEEP KIDS SAFE It’s Soon, he started repeating
stressful to turn around and it, too. Now seven, Theo can
see your toddler has scaled wriggle all the way to the top
the baby gate and is scamper- of the door frame, and Maier
ing up the stairs solo. First, is signing him up for rock
limit risk by making sure climbing and parkour camp.
your TV, bookshelves and “It’s just in him,” she says.
dressers are anchored to the “It’s part of who he is.”
—Vanessa Milne

78 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

PREGNANCY NEWBORN TODDLER PRESCHOOL STEPS&STAGES

SCHOOL AGE

Parenting a I WAS LUCKY it was only my ing frequent outbursts and tears first appear. “I take a
preschooler third, of four, who resorted tears during transitions or really deep breath and sit
to quick tears to express her when they set boundaries. down. She immediately takes
who cries emotions—by then I had a lot “You feel like you need to do her own big breath and sits
easily and of tips and tricks and a thick something in the moment to down beside me. The tears
often can be skin. But knowing why it hap- control the behaviour and are over much more quickly
exhausting. pens and how to regulate it stop it immediately, because and we finish with a hug and
Here’s what can make a difference when there’s an idea that you’re a reminder that she is loved.”
you can do. helping your child navigate letting them get away with it.
their big feelings. But it wasn’t working for us.” Other helpful strategies
PRES WHY DO SOME KIDS CRY include bypassing language
MORE THAN OTHERS? Myla Leinweber reminds par- by holding up two hands and
CHOOL Leinweber, certified parent ents that many preschoolers asking your child to high-five
educator and mom of two lack the language to describe the hand that fits their
who lives and works on the what they are feeling, while need—for example, do they
unceded territory of the others are still working on need a hug or do they need to
Sinixt Peoples in the social norms and under- jump up and down 10 times?
Kootenay region of BC, says standing how their behaviour You can also tell the story of
there are factors specific to impacts others. And, just like what happened for your child
this age group, including tem- grown-ups, preschoolers and narrate it using feeling
perament, development and have what Leinweber refers words. “You felt sad when”
coping/self-regulation strate- to as “need boxes” that have phrases should be followed
gies, that can affect a child’s to be filled (like sleep and by “Am I getting that right?”
tendency to cry. “On top of love). “When kids this age questions, recommends
the skills they’re learning to want one of those needs to be Leinweber. This validates the
use, some kids come into the met, they ask in ‘up or down child and provides a way to
world with their feelings ways,’ as I call it. Crying can teach language for those feel-
right at the surface,” says be one of those ‘down’ ways.” ings. Parents can also model
Leinweber. “It’s really impor- TEACH KIDS TO EMPOWER this themselves by narrating
tant to remember that it THEMSELVES The best time their own emotions in differ-
doesn’t make them a bad kid to work on teaching kids to ent situations.
or us bad parents.” choose those “up” ways is DON’T BE HARD ON
before the big feelings hap- YOURSELF If parents put
Sarah Mason, a mom of pen. Play-based scenarios are their energy into strategies at
four from Oakville, Ont., a great way for kids and par- the “before” stage, there is
experienced this with her ents to co-discover a child’s more energy to manage the
youngest, while trying to find needs. Mini figures have been “during and after,” she says.
the right strategy for manag- a really effective tool for “But remind yourself that
Leinweber’s youngest. “I you’re a person with needs,
PHOTO:STOCKSY, ILLUSTRATION: VÉRONIQUE JOFFRE made one of the figures fall too. If you need to step out
down and burst into really of the room, do it.” No parent
big tears,” recalls Leinweber. can handle it well all the
“When I asked her whether time, reminds Leinweber.
she thought the figure was
hurt or needed a hug, my Finally, she tells parents
daughter said hug. That gave to notice the magic time that
me a good idea about how she comes between mad and sad
might need me to respond in and to stay there with your
that situation.” Role-play can child as they move into it.
normalize feelings and also “Sadness offers a moment for
helps your child learn how to connection and repair, when
name them. parents can move toward
PRACTISE COPING SKILLS their child and remind them
To master their coping skills of their goodness.” Mason
at this age, kids often need found that magic and it’s
a co-regulator to mirror, working: “I finally gave up
explains Leinweber. That’s trying to correct [the tears],
the approach Mason takes and now I just love my kid
with her daughter when the through her hard
moments.”— Louise Gleeson

January+February 2022 todaysparent.com 79

STEPS&STAGES NEWBORN TODDLER PRESCHOOL SCHOOL AGE

PREGNANCY

Got a kid who NINE-YEAR-OLD SADIE* compare themselves to oth- out that we do want kids to
likes to brag? has just started skating les- ers, Hubbard says. At the be proud of their accomplish-
sons, and she comes off the same time, kids are develop- ments, so we need to tread
Here’s how ice beaming with pride. “She ing the cognitive ability to re- carefully. She suggests saying
(and when) brags that she’s the fastest alize they can build on their something like, “Nice job. You
you should one in her class,” says Toronto skills and identify the things should be proud of yourself.
mom Chris Rubin*. Sadie also they’re good at and it’s a thrill I see you’re excited, but maybe
step in. loves to talk to other kids for them. “They just want to we should just turn down the
about how good she is at ev- share it,” says Hubbard. volume a little bit because not
SCHO erything from circus class WHEN IS IT TOO MUCH? A bit everyone’s feeling the same
and climbing to proofreading of boasting isn’t necessarily way. Let’s be respectful.”
OL AGE her mom’s work. “I’ve hopped annoying to other kids be-
into conversations to change cause their peers are often do- If your kid is having a hard-
the subject,” Rubin says. ing the same thing. “If it’s an er time identifying why their PHOTO:ISTOCK, ILLUSTRATION: VÉRONIQUE JOFFRE
even back-and-forth, that’s attitude is rubbing others the
Rubin herself never re- fine. That’s a reciprocal con- wrong way, Corzato recom-
ceived any recognition from versation,” says Hubbard. But mends using what is called
her parents growing up, so if you see bragging cross over the FBI (feelings, behaviour
she heaps on the praise as into taunting and other kids and impact) strategy. Explain
much as possible. But when start to pull away, that can be that someone might feel an-
she sees Sadie approach a a warning sign. noyed (feeling) because of
group of kids bragging, she your kid’s bragging (behav-
can’t help but cringe. “I think Sylvia Corzato, a parent- iour) and that that makes
I might have overdone it!” ing consultant and behaviour them not want to play with
coach in Ottawa, agrees. It’s your kid anymore (impact).
If your child can’t wait to normal to be hyped up after a Then help to problem-solve
show off their soccer med- soccer win, for example, and what they can do differently.
al or newfound cartwheel to tell your friends and family KNOW WHEN TO GET PRO-
skills, don’t worry. A certain all about it. But if it continues FESSIONAL HELP It’s also
amount of bragging is com- for weeks, Corzato says that’s worth considering if there
pletely acceptable between a bit of a red flag. We want to may be underlying emotional
the ages of seven and nine, teach kids humility and to reasons for this kind of atten-
says St. John’s–based child be respectful of people’s feel- tion seeking, says Hubbard.
psychologist Janine Hubbard. ings. “It’s OK to be proud, but Corzato agrees that kids
Children are starting to it’s not OK to make others feel who gloat may be trying to
poorly about themselves in compensate for not getting
the process,” says Corzato. enough positive attention
elsewhere. Rubin suspects
Showing off about ob- that Sadie’s behaviour was
jects is an absolute no. “Shut turned up a notch as a result
that down immediately,” of some bullying at school.
Hubbard says. Kids should
understand that having a Parents should talk to
fancy new gaming system their kids’ teachers and also
or other expensive toy is not try to observe how they in-
part of their character and teract with other kids. If the
doesn’t reflect who they are. problem persists and talking
USE ROLE MODELLING AND doesn’t seem to help, reach
COMMUNICATION Both ex- out to your family doctor
perts stress the importance or a child psychologist. “It
of role modelling the behav- could be a sign of an under-
iour you want to see and prais- lying anxiety disorder or op-
ing effort above results. If we positional behaviour,” says
gloat about material posses- Hubbard, who adds that she
sions or professional status is seeing social deficits in kids
ourselves, then we’re teaching as a result of the lack of nor-
the kids to do the same. mal socialization through
the pandemic. —Rebecca
For some kids, a couple of Cuneo Keenan
brief conversations might be *Names have been changed
all it takes. Corzato points

80 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

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TIPS&TRICKS The List

HEAR AND NOW

Looking to binge a new podcast? Here are our
favourites on parenting and mom life.

LISTEN
UP!

1 THE DOUBLE SHIFT where we’re at and how 5 THE CAREER 7 HOW’S WORK BY
A show about women we move forward, from CONTESSA ESTHER PEREL
the editors of Harvard
who are challenging how Business Review. Sample A weekly advice podcast The iconic couples
society sees mothers and episode: “So You’re focused on women, work therapist brings new
how we see ourselves. Thinking about Quitting and all the answers to perspective to the forces
Sample episode: “On Not Your Job” your career questions. that shape workplace
Having It All” Sample episode: “How connections, conflict and
Much Are You Worth and dynamics. Sample episode:
2 THE LONGEST 4 JANET LANSBURY How to Ask for a Raise” “My Promotion Ended Our PHOTO:STOCKSY TEXT: EMILY MCDONALD
SHORTEST TIME UNRUFFLED Friendship”
RAISING GOOD
Real-life stories about the Practical, specific 6 HUMANS MOTHERHOOD
surprises and absurdities advice for common A developmental 8 SESSIONS
of raising other humans— parenting challenges psychologist chats with Renowned reproductive
and being raised by from the author known experts to share effective psychiatrist Alexandra
them. Sample episode: for popularizing the parenting tools and talks Sacks sits down with
“Lactation Muffins, “respectful parenting” about the important mothers and lets us listen
Tape Measure Ponytails movement. Sample bigger picture of raising in on conversations that
and Other Adventures in episode: “Morning good humans. Sample are hard to have outside
Adoption” Meltdowns – Asserting episode: “Why Is My Child of a therapist’s office.
Our Boundaries in Charge? A Roadmap to Warning: You’ll definitely
3 WOMEN AT WORK with Connection and End Power Struggles” cry. Sample episode:
Conversations about Confidence” “Loneliness in Single
Motherhood”

9 MOMS IN THE
MIDDLE

Toronto broadcasters
(and moms) Evanka
Osmak and Melanie Ng
talk with guests about
all things parenting and
motherhood. Sample
episode: “Should You Be
Lying to Your Kids?”

10 SHAGGED. MARRIED.
ANNOYED.

Prepare to laugh till
you pee! Each hilarious
episode features real-life
married couple Chris and
Rosie Ramsey chatting
about life, relationships,
annoyances, parenting
and everything in
between. Sample episode:
“Bon Bons in the Knicker
Drawer”

82 todaysparent.com January+February 2022

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