Host: Tim Jackson - Our Daily Bread Ministries

Host:
Tim Jackson

#WhenLoveHurts

Guest: Leslie Vernick

Licensed Clinical Social
Worker, Relationship Coach,

Speaker, and Author

#WhenLoveHurts

Guest: Chris Moles

Pastor and
Intervention Specialist

#WhenLoveHurts

How to Participate Today

• Ask Questions

– Use Twitter #WhenLoveHurts
– Use the GoToWebinar Question Window

• Answer Our Poll Questions
• Answer Our Survey at the End

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Poll Question 1

What’s your interest in learning about
emotionally destructive marriages?

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What is emotional abuse?

• Beyond normal marital conflict
• Hard to quantify because usually no

physical evidence of abuse (i.e., no bruises
or broken bones)
• Often dismissed as a marital “tiff” when it’s
something more sinister and pervasive

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The Definition of an Emotionally
Destructive Marriage

“An emotionally destructive marriage is one
where one’s personhood, dignity, and freedom

of choice is regularly denied, criticized, or
crushed. This can be done through words,
behaviors, economics, attitudes, and misusing

the Scriptures.” (p. 26)

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How widespread is the problem of
emotionally destructive marriage?

• 1 in 4 women report marital abuse
• Most marital abuse goes unreported

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How do I know if I’m in an
emotionally destructive

marriage?

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A marriage is emotionally destructive if . . .

• Reactive abuse • Controlling abuse
• Deceit • Dependence
• Indifference • No voice
• Fear • Demeaning
• Threatening • Yelling
• Angry looks • Sulking
• Smothering • Withholding affection
• Unfair accusations • Name calling
• Belittling
• Complaining

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What can you do if you’re in an
emotionally destructive marriage?

• Core strengthening for the abuse victim
• Clear accountability for the abuser
• Formulate a safety plan for yourself and your

children
• Seek wise counsel from people who understand

emotional abuse
• Keep a journal

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What shouldn’t you do if you’re in an
emotionally destructive marriage?

• Don’t struggle alone in silence; it will only get
worse.

• Don’t try to leave without a safety plan in
place.

• Don’t confront the abusive spouse alone;
especially if you’re afraid for your safety.

#WhenLoveHurts

Poll Question 2

What kind of counsel did you receive
when you asked for help?

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Where do you turn for help?

• Be careful who you trust.
• Well-meaning people don’t equal trustworthy

or capable.
• Most pastors and many counselors don’t

understand the dynamics of emotional abuse.
• How to find wise counsel.

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What do you do if nothing changes?

• Staying well
• Leaving well

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Questions & Answers

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Our Next Webinar:

Shepherding the Emotionally
Destructive Marriage

April 2, 2014 @ 1:00 pm EDT
Guests: Leslie Vernick & Chris Moles

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Questions & Answers

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Free Resources to Help You

After the webinar, resources are available at:
www.rbc.org/topics/abuse

• Webinar PowerPoint
• Audio from Webinar (available 7 days after

Webinar)
• Downloads of the first two chapters of Leslie’s new

book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, as well
as two of our Discovery Series booklets on domestic
violence and verbal/emotional abuse

#WhenLoveHurts

Thank You for Joining
Us Today!

We appreciate you taking time to join us
today.

Please complete the survey you’ll receive at
the end of this webinar.

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