Are You A Screamer? - Scare Fair Review Pg

Vol. 43 Issue 41 TakeFree
One!
October 7, 2014 - October 13, 2014
Are You A Screamer? - Scare Fair Review Pg.5

Family Vide DVD Review: Chef - Pg. 8 First Jason is Back!
The Funny Thing About Business Cards - Pg. 10
Joke Joint - Pg. 11 Sat, Oct. 11th

Loud & Local

Pg.9

Table of Contents That’s What I Think!

Haunted Happenings.....................Pg.5 by Diesel
Family Video DVD Review.....................Pg.8
Concerts & Events...................................Pg.8 Greetings again my friends from my how-can-it-go-from-82-to-42-so-
Loud and Local.............................................Pg.9 darn-quick corner of the world. It’s really quite a reflection of my per-
The Funny Thing About Business Cards.................Pg.10 sonality in that as soon as it barely gets warm I turn the A/C on and it
Comedy Connection................................................Pg.10 almost has to be constantly near freezing for half a week before I even
Joke Joint....................................................................Pg.11 think about turning the heat on. Last year I think it was near Halloween
Puzzle Page....................................................................Pg.12 before it happened. So I’m going for at least November 1 this year. I may
be shivering on my couch with a hoodie on and drinking hot chocolate but,
my goal is not to turn the heat on until November 1. We shall see. I’m
excited about some great stuff and I just can’t wait any longer...so let’s
get to it.

October 7, 2014 The Entertainer Publisher: For you folks who are Bengals fans, and I know several personally, THE
Volume 43 1206 W Robb Ave Jason Gilbert place to go to catch the game is Kurt & Sherry’s Alibi Lounge near the
town square. 25 cent wings, $1.75 domestic beers and a room full of
Issue 41 Lima, OH 45801 Editor: fans just like you! WHO DEY!!! While we are on the subject of Kurt &
Sherry’s Alibi, they have been working their collective butts off at the
[email protected] Jennifer Matlock North Street location. Inside and out have just had a brand new paint job,
the kitchen is expanding (if you haven’t scored some of their killer food
419-204-5056 shame on you) and there is more on the “to do” list. If you haven’t been
there for a while, head up. If you have never been there, then you really
Listen to Weekdays @ 4:30 need to. Everybody needs an Alibi...

For What’s Going on in Lima A few weeks ago, the local community lost another much needed local
business and left a hole that needed to be filled. When Gilbert’s Music
Fridays - Gilbert with left, that freed up the other half of the W. Robb Ave building. Well kids,
that vacancy didn’t last long. Coming in the very near future is the new-
The Entertainer est retail location of everyone’s favorite cool clothing, natural new age,

your Join us for our 520 N. Jackson St.
with CollegteaIbD! Lima
Open
Thursday
$5 Long Islands Sun. 12pm-1am

Bring in your Valid Military with Crashed Feast
ID & the bartender will buy
Saturday October 12th starting at 2pm
your first drink! 50¢ off

Wednesday EVERYTHING
$9 Domestic Buckets

Kick Ass Karaoke

2 10/7/2014

yoga-teaching entrepreneur, Birdella. That’s Right! Together again in the Mondays HM3HAo:3nOP0. U--P7RFY:3r0i. KHEWANVOEE!!
same building...GROAMY’S & Birdella! Hello Christmas one-stop shopping!
! Stay tuned for news on what I’m sure will be a HUGE Grand Opening!!! Power HOURS 5:30 - 7:30

Celebrating Halloween starts a little early this year with a very cool show Tuesdays Downtown Lima 134 W. High St.
booked this Saturday. Everybody’s favorite horror rock band FIRST 419-222-GOLF (4653)
JASON returns to Lima to headline a show at Mulligan’s on High Street in Pitcher Night Open Mon - Sun.
Downtown Lima. Let It Go and Manic have been tabbed to open for FIRST
JASON so you know the show is going to rock. Plan on getting there Wednesdays Now Open at Noon Mon.-Fri.
early. Speaking of Mulligan’s, don’t forget Thursday is Open Mic Night
hosted by Kat and Geoff. Every week it just keeps getting cooler and Crashed Karaoke Upcoming
more fun. I missed last week’s and I’m jealous of those who were there & 16oz. Aluminums Entertainment
and you can bet I’ll be there this weekend. Like I’ve said in the past, you
never know who may show up. See you there. Thursdays 10/10 Name That Tune
10/11 Sunset Junkies
Open Mic with Kat

Friday

Joyce Brown Birthday Bash
with Someone’s Kids

Saturday

Manic, Let It Go & First Jason

I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether

That’s it for now. Remember, we can all support the local entertainment or not I have bread. -Mitch Hedberg
community, just go to something, somewhere. At least that’s what I think.
New Hours!
As always diesel M-F 7:00am - 2:30am
If ya dig it do it [email protected]
If ya really dig it Follow me on Twitter @dieselrox Sat Noon-2:30am
Do it twice
ONLY $5.50 Every
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in
his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, Breakfast Fri and Sat
the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
Great w/DJ Darren
However, before the police investigation could start, the
phone rang a second time with the same voice came over Daily Lunch
the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the Specials only $6.50
back seat by mistake."
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too

literal for me. - Mitch Hedberg

EVENTS EVERY FRIDAY!! 1ST, 2ND, 3RD FRIDAYS OF THE MONTH ARE DRAG REVUES 4TH FRIDAY MALE REVUE!

KARAOKE EVERY THURSDAY!! Happy Hour Mon-Fri 5-8
DANCE PARTY EVERY SATURDAY!! $4 Bombs & $1.50 Domestics

Shouldn’t YOU be Halloween Party 18 AND UP ALWAYS
Somewhere…? October 31 WELCOME WITH PROPER ID

804 W. NORTH ST. 10/7/2014 Like us on Facebook

3

4 710/1/57//22001144 4

With Becca

From the moment we turned down the long driveway of the Scare Fair, I
had chills running up my spine. Three haunts in one was daunting to my
mind and the sounds were assaulting even before we entered. My boy-
friend the veteran ex-monster of the Scare Fair told me that I would be
fine, that no one would hurt me but I was terrified. The smell of the fire,
Rob Zombie screaming from a speaker somewhere, the screams of the
people inside the haunts and even monsters roaming around waiting to get
you when you least expect it and I still haven’t entered a haunt yet! Cling-
ing to my boyfriend’s arm I reluctantly entered and after everything, I can
confidently say that I am NOT a screamer but I am definitely afraid.

Harold’s Haunted Cornfield and Hatchet Creek are well crafted with tow- LocalHauntedAttractions
ering corn and disorienting twists and turns until you come to what I want
to say are shacks and monsters ready to come out of the shadows from HAUNTED HYDRO PUTNAM COUNTY’S
every angle including from above. The Gauntlet was even more disorient-
ing and assaulting because you are closed inside with real monsters and Haunted Hydro Dark Attraction Park HAUNTED CORNFIELD
mechanical ones waiting to make you lose your cool. After a few times 1333 Tiffin St, Fremont, Ohio
of going through, I began to see even more detail that was put into this Fridays & Saturdays 13360 Rd. 12, Ottawa, OH
heart-stopping maze. And finally, Toxic Trauma is like a nightmare that Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays
you can’t get out of. The chain-link fence that makes up for walls makes
you feel like you’re going in circles through the smoke and that the mon- HAUNTED ORCHARD SUTER’S CORN MAZE
sters are toying with you before they allow you to leave. I highly recom-
mend going through all three and letting the monsters show off their 1555 County Road 25 South Bellefontaine, OH 8250 Road R, Pandora, OH
talent. Fridays & Saturdays Saturdays & Sundays
If I had to complain, I think I would say that sometimes you can get
clogged up behind other groups and that can make things less of a heart- HAUNTED TOWN HALL PURGATORY
pounding race to get out. Once you know that the monsters are there,
I felt that the illusion was broken but also, the monsters were great at 101 E. High St. Lafayette, OH 2619 Crystal Lake Findlay, OH
getting me even after that happened. They know exactly how to change Fridays & Saturdays Fridays & Saturdays
the haunt in tiny ways and make it the best for everyone. From year to
year the haunt has been evolving also, so you’ll never go through the same SCARE FAIR HORROR ACRES
haunt twice. The creative genius behind the Scare Fair is impressive and I
can’t wait to see what they do in the years to come. 5891 Wayensfield Rd 6995 Springfield - Jamestown Road, Springfield
Lima, OH 45806 Fridays & Saturdays
The only question left to ask is: Are you a screamer?
Fridays & Saturdays TERROR MAZE

6988 Springfield - Jamestown Road, Springfield
Fridays & Saturdays

10/7/2014 5

We Buy Cell Phones! How To Survive in a Horror Movie (Pt. 1)

$29.99 Courtesy of Steven Recker
If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY," do so immedi-
Unlimited Talk & Text! ately.

2176 Elida Rd. Lima 408 Tiffin Ave. Findlay Never take a bath or shower with a maniac/spirit/demon/crea-
419-222-2600 567-525-4228 ture in the house.

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, stag- When it appears that you have killed the maniac/spirit/demon/
gers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. creature, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat
news for you. You're going straight to hell!" to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and re-
member, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then
I'm on the wrong bus!" set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except
demons and spirits. Then get the hell out of there!

If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin
shaking and spewing body fluids, it's time to leave.

Never read aloud from a book that summons demons. Even as a
joke.

Don't look under the bed.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.

If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children,
save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.

If relatives or pets come back from the dead, don't approach
them and ask "What did you come back to do?"

If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack
you, be prudent, leave the area.

If you've hidden from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature and
you are not found, do not peek from or decide it's safe to leave
your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for
twigs before you take a step.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice
which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will
save you a lot of grief in the long run. (Note: It will probably take
several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate them, so be pre-
pared.)

6 10/7/2014

LONGHORN

BAR & GRILL

Roundhead, OH
CGhaamritinabgleSBerrveeadkfDaastily
WHAENLTPED 937-464-3200

St. Rt. 117 & Co. Rd. 200 Mon.-Sat. 8am-11pm

DUBREIENFRGO&OETFVBOEAROLYDLOSGHPAEIMOCEISA!TLASTE Lunch Specials!

THURSDAYS

MONDAYS AFTER 4PM $1 Taco & $2 Margaritas

50¢ JUMBO WINGS

DINE IN ONLY 5-9 FRIDAYS

-A.U.C.E. FISH 4-9 $8.99

TUESDAYS - A.U.C.E Steak $21.95

15” 2 Item Pizza & 15 Wings $20 Dine in - - A.U.C.E. Steak and Fish $21.95

$23 Carry Out

WEDNESDAYS SATURDAYS

SMOKED BRISKET SPECIAL Prime rib dinners $15.95
Inhouse smoked rib dinners 1/2 rack

$10.95 with 2 sides

The 6590 Bellefontaine Rd. 320 E. Wapakoneta St. Waynes eld Upstairs 1 Bedroom
Westminster 419-648-9137 Apartment For Rent
CCOOYYOTOET’SE’S419-568-2800 *All Utilities Included*
Stallion Call 419-568-2800

WE ARE NOW A FULL LIQUOR BAR!! NOW OPEN SUN AT 1PM!

HAPPY HOUR “HOMESTYLE” DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS BREAKFAST DAILY 7AM - 11AM THURSDAYS
Mon. - Fri. TUESDAYS
4pm - 7pm ~WEDNESDAYS~ 15” 2 Item Pizza w/ 15

Charitable Gaming! -Pizza Special 15” 2 Item & 15 Wings 5-9 50¢ Wings (dine in) *65¢ Wings $20 (dine in only)
Only $20 (Dine In)
Keno - Lottery - Wine Carryout FRIDAYS
-Chicken Bacon Ranch Wrap
HELP & Fries $5.99 WEDNESDAYS Basketball Special
WANTED Two 12” 2 Item Pizzas $15
-Pizza Lunch 7 1/2” 2 Item & Pop $5.99 9” Taco Pizza $8, $1 Tacos,
$2.25 Burritos, Taco Salad & A.U.C.E Fish $6.99
~THURSDAYS~ $3.50 & Walking Tacos $2
SATURDAYS
-50¢ Wings! Dine in
-65¢ Carry Out 5p-9p

~FRIDAYS~

-$1 Tacos! (Carry out $1.75)

Terri-oke Karaoke This Saturday! 12” 2 Item Pizza $8 ALL

with Terri Beasley Ohio State HELP WANTED DAY

Wed & Sat. 8 - 1 Game-day Special:

15” 2 item Pizza $10

Bucket Beer Specials!

10/7/2014 7

Concerts & Events Comedy
Rated: R
Runtime: 114 mins

Columbus, OH Lima, OH Carl Casper (Jon Favreau) is an ac-
claimed chef working at a high-end
Lifestyles Community Pavilion Veterans Memorial Civic Center restaurant with absolutely no freedom
over what he is allowed to make. Res-
10/13 Yahoo! on the Road ft. G-Eazy 10/25 Newsboys taurant owner Riva (Dustin Hoffman)
10/20 Skrillex 11/3 An Evening with Alice Cooper refuses to let Chef Casper create his
10/22 Black Veil Brides w/ Falling in Reverse 11/30 Cirque Dreams Holidaze own menu out of fear of losing busi-
11/10 Todd Rundgren ness. After a renowned food critic tries out this bland menu he writes a
11/15 In This Moment Toledo, OH dismal review about Chef Casper which sends him into a raging outburst
1/17 Black Label Society that is filmed and posted on youtube which quickly turns into a viral sen-
Huntington Center sation. While reflecting about all the decisions and actions he has made
Nationwide Arena while quitting his job and dealing with this horrible review, Chef Casper
10/9 Casting Crowns with Mandisa & decides to take some time and he travels from his Los Angeles home to
10/19 Fleetwood Mac Sidewalk Prophets Miami with his ex-wife Inez (Sofia Vergara) and his son Percy.
12/28 Trans-Siberian Orchestra
2/18 - 2/22 Disney on Ice 10/11 Jake Owen, Eli Young Band & The It is in Miami that Chef Casper entertains
3/11 Maroon 5 Cadillac Three the idea of potentially running a food truck.
After speaking to his ex-wife’s ex-husband
Newport Music Hall 10/30 - 11/2 Ringling Bros and Barnum & Marvin (Robert Downey Jr.) Casper decides
Bailey Circus: Legends to go for it. Marvin gives Casper a truck that
10/11 Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd Tribute he just has to fix up and then he can cre-
10/13 Jimmy Eat World 11/13 Trans-Siberian Orchestra ate his wonderful food magic. Along the way
10/19 Amon Amarth 12/4 - 12/7 Disney on Ice: Princesses & Chef Casper receives the help of his long-time
10/24 Smokers Clud Tour ft. Method Man & friend Martin (Jon Leguizamo) and his tech-
Redman Heroes savvy son Percy. Thanks to his sons mastery
10/28 The Pretty Reckless w/ Adelita’s Way of twitter, vine, and other social media apps,
11/7 Here Come the Mummies Van Wert, OH their food truck grows insanely popular as they travel back from Miami to
11/8 Jeezy Los Angeles.
11/20 Blue October Niswonger Performing Arts Center
11/21 New Politics This is a deliciously entertaining film about family, love, and an incred-
12/7 GWAR & Friends 10/9 Peter Yarrow & Mustard’s Retreat ible passion for food. It’s about learning what’s important in your life
12/14 Asking Alexandria 10/13 Habaneros and what drives you to be the best at your abilities. Overall this film is
10/18 The Inspiration of Broadway a great comedy that will make everyone laugh and it is also a great story
Dayton, OH 11/1 The Olate Dogs about getting back to the basics. Also it is incredibly inspiring and uplift-
11/7 Dallas Brass ing in a way that makes the audience feel the emotion behind doing what
Nutter Center 11/15 Josh Turner you love. With an all-star cast including Scarlett Johansson, Bobby Can-
12/6 The Nutcracker navale, Oliver Platt, and many more this is a fun film that the whole family
10/22 - 10/26 Disney on Ice: Princesses & 12/9 Peter White Christmas can enjoy.
Heroes 12/12 Kenny Rogers
12/15 Holiday Ice Spectacular
11/15 Justin Moore w/ Colt Ford & Jordan 12/19 A Solid Gold Christmas
Ranger
Versailles, OH
12/6 Trans-Siberian Orchestra
BMI Speedway
Schuster Center
11/15 Pat Travers Band
11/8 Martina McBride
Wapakoneta, OH
Ft. Wayne, IN
Route 33 Rhythm & Brews
Piere’s Entertainment Center
10/16 D’Molls
10/15 Avatar 11/14 Heywood Banks
10/17 Thousand Foot Krutch
10/24 The Lacs
10/25 Mastodon Tour w/ Gojira & Kvelertak
11/9 Wayne Static
11/15 Saving Abel

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said “No, but
I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.” - Mitch Hedberg

8 10/7/2014

AJ’S TAVERN LULU’S SOMEWHERE... VILLAGE CAFE

1015 E. Elm St. Lima 419-221-2311 113 E Auglaize St, Wapakoneta 804 North St. Lima 419-227-7288 5320 S. Dixie Hwy. Cridersville
Mon & Tues - Ghetto Cowboys DJ & Karaoke Thurs. - Kick Ass Karaoke Thurs. - Karaoke w/ DJ Kook Sun. - Benefit with Kick-a-Little Karaoke, DJ
Fri. - Revue Steve-O, DJ Dave, DJ Big “D,” DJ Misty, Polly
Fri. - DJ Taj MAIN STREET IRISH PUB Sat. - DJ BIZz Mae, The Hipnotix, Stedic Music, SaMaX, Them

ALIBI 318 N. Main St. Lima SPORTSCASTERS Kids & Never Again
Wed. - Kick Ass Karaoke
126 E. North St. Lima 419-221-0611 1031 Findlay Rd. Lima WAITING ROOM
Tues. - Bike Night w/ DJ Thurs. - Crashed Fri. - DJ & Karaoke
309 E. Wayne St. Lima
Wed. Thurs. Fri. & Sat. - TSK Karaoke MAIN STREET LIVE Sat. - Karaoke w/ DJ Tony Wed. Fri. & Sat. - DJ Wild Thang

BEANTOWN SALOON Main St. Ada THE STALLION
Sat. - Siege the Gates, Alara, Knocking Over Traffic
North St. Lima Bellefontaine Rd. Westminster 419-648-9137
Fri. - Polly Mae Cones & Cutthroat Capitalist Wed. & Sat. - Terri-oke Karaoke w/ Terri Beasley

CJ’S TAVERN MULLIGANS SUGAR STREET

105 East Lake St. Lakeview 134 W. High St. Lima 419-222-4653 1341 N. Sugar St. Lima 419-224-8838
Thurs. - Open Mic Wed. - Crashed Karaoke Fri. & Sat. - 3J’s Karaoke

Fri. - Krooner’s Karaoke Thurs - Open Mic with Kat & Geoff Listen For The
Sat. - First Jason with Manic & Let It Go Entertainer Update
FIREHOUSE Thursdays, Fridays, &
SHAMROCK
776 N. Main. St. Lima Saturdays on
Fri. & Sat. - DJ Darren 800 N. Main St. Lima
Sun, Mon. Tues. & Thurs. & Fri. - Karaoke I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were
HARRY’S HIDEAWAY
Wed. - Kick a Little Karaoke more important than others. -Mitch Hedberg
1452 Cable Rd. Lima 419-22Harry Sat. - Karaoke & DJ with Darryl Taylor
Mon. & Tues. - Karaoke SPORTSCASTERS
SMOKIN’ CHROME SALOON 1031 Findlay Rd. Lima
Wed. - Beer Pong w/ DJ Nate
Thurs. - DJ Jester Main St. Delphos Breakfast Specials Daily Drink
Wed. - 3J’s Karaoke Specials!
LUKE’S BAR & GRILL 7:30am - 10:30am

133 N. Main St. Bluffton 419-358-4486 Lunch Specials
Thurs. - 3J’s Karaoke
10:30am - 1pm

Join us for Wednesday

Coldest Beer NASCAR Domestics $1.50 & FREE Pool
In Town!

Every Wednesday HAPPY HOUR Friday

Mon. - Fri. 11am - 1pm DJ & Karaoke 10pm

BUDWEISER Friday & Saturday Come sing your favorite song!

BIKE NIGHT DJ Wild Thang Saturday
Jerry’s Awesome Wings,
Door Prizes & Music! Karaoke w/ DJ Tony
SUNDAY FUNDAY
This Wed. - DJ Wild Thang
Free Pool & $1.75 Beer!

10/7/2014 9

The Funny Thing About Columbus, OH Wiley’s
Business Cards by Joe Deez
Funny Bone 10/9 - 10/11 Ari Shaffir
In comedy it’s important to have a good business card. Why? Nobody 10/16 - 10/18 Auggie Smith
ever really told me. Whenever comics do shows with other comics it’s 10/9 - 10/12 Hypnotist Rich Guzzi 10/23 - 10/24 Jay Hollingsworth
protocol to hand those other comics your business card and then say 10/13 Laugh in the Face of Cancer Benefit
something about hoping to work together again sometime. I put all of my 10/16 Deathsquad Draft Lima, OH
business cards alphabetically in a plastic tub and then I put them in my 10/17 - 10/19 Josh Wolf
closet. So I guess really all I’m doing is collecting business cards? Maybe 10/30 - 11/2 Aida Rodriguez & Karlous Holiday Inn
I’ll put them on eBay in 20 years and they’ll be worth some money? Miller
10/9 Jokers Club Comedy Showcase. Lima,
Every time I’ve ever handed somebody a business card nothing has ever Dayton, OH OH Holiday Inn. 8pm. Free Show!
come of it. Except when I drop it in the jar at Chipotle that offers to give
you free lunch if your card is pulled. I’ve won that twice so I guess I have Funny Bone Toledo/Perrysburg, OH
a pretty good success rate there. But other than that I find no use for
business cards. I mean, do they even have a use? It’s the 21st century, 10/9 - 10/12 Tony Rock Funny Bone
can’t people find me online, or through social media, or in the criminal 10/17 - 10/19 Taylor Williamson
database? It just seems to me that business cards are archaic. They 10/24 - 10/25 Kevin Nealon 10/10 - 10/11 Marlon Wayans
should have videos on them or maybe if you wave them over a computer 10/30 - 11/2 Dominique 10/12 Dwayne Gill
screen they send you to a website and give you a discount or something 10/16 - 10/19 Josh Sneed
awesome like that. 10/23 - 10/26 Roy Wood Jr.
10/30 - 11/2 Damon Williams

The only fun use I have for business cards is when I go to bars. I collect
the strangest business cards, usually for businesses that no longer ex-
ist or warehouses in shady areas. Then I’ll write something on the back
that’s vague and mysterious. Something along the lines of “Tuesday.
11am or he dies” or “meet by the large oak if you don’t want your heart to
explode in the next 48 hours.” Then I look for the drunkest person at the
bar, you know, the person who’s about one more well drink from black-
out drunk. And then I slip the card in their pocket knowing full well that
when they wake up the next afternoon they’re going to go insane trying to
remember the night before.

And if I’m really in a mood I’ll collect some business cards from Las Vegas
transvestites or some questionable gentlemen’s clubs and write a little “if
you don’t pay me the money we discussed I’m telling everyone what we
did.” But that’s just me and that’s the funny thing about business cards!

10 10/7/2014

JOKE Joint T hings BTrhoaat1d0Sc. oausntd, Dirty On A Football
But Aren't...

Submit your jokes: [email protected] The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
A football coach walked into the He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow
locker room before a big game, It's a game of inches.
looked over to his star player and said, That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
"I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math,
but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is
ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can
play."

The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes in- When you get down in this area, you gotta just start
tently and asked, - "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell pounding it.
me the answer to this: What is two plus two?" The player
thought for a moment and then answered, "4?" "Did you He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
say 4?!" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had given
the right answer. He found his tight end.

Suddenly, all the other players on the team began scream- End around
ing, "Come on coach, give him another chance!" He had to stretch to get it in
He's got great hands
The three bears had been having some trouble recently He blows them off (at the line)
and ended up in family court. Momma and Poppa bear He bangs it in
were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was
going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby
bear to see what he thought about living with either of
his parents.

When he asked baby bear about living with his father, He could go all the way
baby bear said "No, I can't live with Poppa bear, he beats He gets it off just in time
me terribly." "Okay," said the judge, "Then you want to He goes deep
live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear,
"She beats me worse than Poppa bear does."

The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite He found a hole and slid through it
know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so He pounds it in
are there any relatives you would like to stay with?" "Yes," He beats them off (the line)
answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear has big fam- He gets penetration into the backfield
ily, and they live in Chicago. "You're sure they will treat you
well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Oh certainly,"
said baby bear, "The Chicago Bears never beat anybody."

10/7/2014 11

Zombie Films

TZQ I X ND I A R YO F T H E D E A DMEA T F E
HO UWO N S D A E D E H T F O E C N A D X A H J J
EM A A S G N I H T E L T T I L D E K C I WU S S L
BBR L D OG HO U S E O F T H E D E AD EBU E A
A I A K K R R O R R E T F O S E L A T C B VW T I N
TENE S F D AW N O F T H E D E A D F E I S E B D
TD TDX L A S T O F T H E L I V I N GN LA V M O
E I I WC I T Y O F T H E L I V I N G D E AD I O F
RA N I G H T O F T H E L I V I N G D E A DM L Z T
YR E T E M E C E H T Y B E S U O H P G T AD D E H
N I GH T O F T H E C R E E P S J I O DH EA E H E
PE EAB U R I A L GROUN D N U N A S DE A T D
LSDZ U Z OMB I E L AND G S E T E T EDD F E
ASROV N Y F E V T P Y R C E H T Y D I HE A O A
NE OM E O D WH I T E Z OM B I E P E L TH N E D
ENHBR D A E D N I A R B U M J A O H L F T D U G
TK E I S I NWA G S P Z E D E R I O TWOF D G I
TCHE U FW Y A D S L U O S L L A L F A YO E A R
E I T E S D O OW E H T N I N I B A C O T AS A L L
RS COR P S E S A R E F O R E V E R N E DG D P B
REHT I L S L O D MU A RM Y O F D AR KN E S S
ON P U S H I N U P D A I S I E S Q S U S V A R E C
RO X D A E D E H T F O N U A H S B O J J MG C J I
QB D A E D E H T L L E S I N S A N I T A R I U M S
SA J K I L L I N G S PRE E N AMY RE TEM E C
FORE V E R D E A DG R N S T I N K O F F L E S H

CoRmeedsou&t aInnddisaunpsp!ort the 13 Flavors of Draught Beer 1000 W. North St. Lima 419-222-1915 All Souls Day Evil Dead QuaranƟne
only $2.00 ALL DAY! Army of Darkness Fido REC
EVERY DAY! Beneath SƟll Waters Forever Dead Return of the Living
Bone Sickness Gangs of the Dead Dead
HOURS: MON. - FRI. 2pm - 2:30am Brain Dead House by the Cemetery Shaun of the Dead
Burial Ground House of the Dead Slither
MNondeawNy eNwDigHahotrmtBelRinodfooDmrawsisCoHmiengreS!ooHn aOlcltooberw31este9:n30SA-TP1.:3a102rCpmto-ym2:e30FjaomooinStUbNua.sl1l2!f!-o!?r College Cabin in the Woods Insanitarium SƟnk of Flesh
Cemetery Man I Sell the Dead Tales of Terror
THE Place to Be for NFL City of the Living Dead I Walked with a Zombie The BaƩery
Games with NFL Game Ticket! Corpses Are Forever Juan of the Dead The Crypt
Dance of the Dead Killing Spree The Dead
Dawn of the Dead Land of the Dead The Horde
Day of the Dead Last of the Living Undead
Dead Alive Let Sleeping Corpses Lie Versus
Dead and Deader Night of the Creeps White Zombie
Dead Girl Night of the Living Dead Wicked LiƩle Things
Dead Meat Plague of the Zombies Zeder
Dead Snow Planet Terror Zombie
Diary of the Dead Pontypool Zombie Diaries
Doghouse Pushin’ Up Daisies Zombieland

12 10/7/2014