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Published by dylanpiehl, 2019-09-20 17:16:08

Volume 1, Issue 3

Game of Dynasties






9/19/2019 Mass Deflators UTD By Dylan P Volume 1, Issue 3


Divisional Matchups Y’all Need Jesus Commands Division

• Y’all Need Jesus Y’all Need Jesus has played so careless with the ball. In
(2-0-0) beat divisional matchups in Week fact, Y’all Need Jesus’s QBs
Hooper Troopers One and Week Two and combined for 4 total turnovers
(0-2-0) triumphed in both. This week, (3 interceptions and 1 lost
they beat out Hooper Troopers fumble). They did manage to
• Edwin’s Bad
Team (1-1-0) 147.54 to 89.36. This victory complete 6 combined passing
beat Wookie of gives Y’all Need Jesus an early touchdowns to counteract their
the Year (1-1-0) lead in the Golden Division, costly mistakes.
with an overall record of 2-0-0
• Tim’s Team Is and a divisional record of Y’all Need Jesus managed to Julio Jones scored the game-
Not Cool (2-0-0) 2-0-0. score the most fantasy points winning 54 yard touchdown.
beat The Third in Week Two, after scoring
Wheel (0-2-0) Y’all Need Jesus had strong under the average score in
contributions from their WRs, Week One. This is either a
• Beginner’s Luck who combined for 60.1 fantasy testament to their team being
(1-1-0) beat points; almost enough to beat better than previously expected
Hammertime his opponent this week. Most or the rest of the league being
(0-2-0) notably, Julio Jones was having worse than they had performed
a mostly quiet Sunday night in Week One.
Rest of Week Two
until he torched the
• Hung Like Philadelphia defense for a 54 They made a large jump in the
Power Rankings this week and
Hernandez yard score. He ended the night
(1-1-0) beat with a 5/106/2 receiving line will look to remain competitive
Tim’s Team Isn’t which was good for 25.10 in the weeks ahead.
Hard,man (1-1-0) fantasy points. Chris Godwin, fantasy darling,
celebrated with OJ Howard
• Kraft’s Happy Matt Ryan could have had a following his 20 yard receiving
Endings (2-0-0) crazy statistical day if he wasn’t score.
beat Grave
Robbers (1-1-0)


Inside this issue: Week Two Overreactions
Power Rankings 2
Joe Mixon is on pace for 216 Marquise Brown is averaging Not really an overreaction, but
The Diva Mentality 3 rushing yards this season. 19.4 yards per catch and is on did they bench Eli Manning so
pace for 1,864 yards receiving; he can be the most average
John Ross does it again and is
M.O.T.W. Week 3 3 now on pace for 24 receiving pretty good for a rookie. fucking QB of all time? With a
touchdowns and 2,160 Lamar Jackson, Dak Prescott, career record of 116-116-0
The Sanu Crew 3 receiving yards; one hell of a and Patrick Mahomes are all and a “perfect” .500 win-loss
year! on pace for 56 passing record. They can’t ruin those
Dynasty vs Redraft 4 touchdowns this year. amazing stats by allowing him
Carlos Hyde is on pace for to play any longer. Bring on
Stashes & Injuries 5 1400 yards rushing after being Andy Dalton is on pace to pass Danny Dimes!
shipped from team to team (4 for 5,832 yards. The Red Rifle
The Trade Block 5 teams in the past 2 seasons). is back and better than ever!

Game of Dynasties Page 2
Power Rankings







I reached out to
new Power
Ranking Leader,
GM David Piehl,
for a comment.
He had this to
say:

“’There but for
the grace of God
I go…’ First I
want to thank
God for my
1: Y’all Need Jesus—Big jump in the Power Rankings for Y’all Need Jesus. Their team showed that they can beat pretty
ranking this piss poor teams (a measly 78.3 average points scored against them through two weeks). The important thing here
is their team scored more than anyone else in Week Two, which is more impressive than the Week One
week! I want to shenanigans that occurred last week.
thank God for
2: Tim’s Team Is Not Cool—While winning their matchup, their performance was not as impressive this week. They
bringing managed a win over divisional rival The Third Wheel, but only won by .58 points. They did still score over the weekly
devastation to average, but the team should be more beatable than previously observed.
my enemies! 3: Kraft’s Happy Endings—Not much to say here; this team probably shouldn’t have gotten a win this week, but
injuries decimated their opponent. Still, they are 2-0-0 through the first two weeks of the season; credit where
God is good! You credits due.
all need to
4: Edwin’s Bad Team—After a disappointingly close loss last week, Edwin’s Bad Team came out swinging. Led by a
repent and Dak Attack, they outscored their opponent by just over 35 fantasy points, despite one of their starters scored 0.
perhaps the Lord 5: Beginner’s Luck—The QB position is rolling for Beginner’s Luck as their two starters combined for a total of 55.08
may look fantasy points in Week Two. They make a jump into the top 5 teams after a tough first week matchup.
favorably upon 6: Hung Like Hernandez—It feels great to be so much better at fantasy football than the asshats beneath me. A
bunch of young players are coming into their own and with Eli Manning out of the way, hopefully this team can
you! But not this string together some more wins.
week!”
7: Tim’s Team Is Not Hard,man—It must really sting to be living in a world where Corey Davis is a consistent starter on
your team. The dude has only 3 top 24 WR fantasy weeks in his 2+ years on the field now. We make so many
excuses for scrubby fucking players, but this dude is toast. He can’t even beat out Old Man Delanie for catches.
A believer this
devout has truly 8: Wookie of the Year—Big loss after a promising Week One. It will be difficult for Wookie of the Year to get some more
wins if 6 of their starters score less than 8 points again.
been blessed in
9: Grave Robber—Without Drew Brees, this team doesn’t seem nearly as threatening. On top of that, Njoku and
Week Two. Alshon also went down with injuries. It’s going to be tough to stay competitive with such an injury ridden team.
10: The Third Wheel—No movement here for The Third Wheel. They came close to beating the Week One Power
Ranking leader, but couldn’t quite get the job done. They fall twice to divisional rivals early, leaving a lot of ground
to be made up if they are going to get back in the playoff race.
11: Hammertime—Mitchell Trubisky has been downright abysmal. The fact that there are two Bears players starting for
this roster (that aren’t named Allen Robinson or David Montgomery) is pretty concerning. Poor QB and RB play kept
this team from winning this game.

12: Hooper Troopers—I think the worst part about this team is 90 points is beginning to look like it might be the ceiling.
Getting any wins this year is going to be tough if the starters can’t average double digit points.

Volume 1, Issue 3 Page 3



The Diva Mentality

Jalen Ramsey, star cornerback The Jacksonville Jaguars 2019 yet, but if he is given the
for the Jacksonville Jaguars, is defense is going to be a much chance to showcase his Man
the newest case in a string of less scary matchup for WRs if Coverage skills, expect him to
players being total divas. Ramsey gets what he wants. do so. He is only on his rookie
Unless third string cornerback contract through the end of the
Earlier this week, Ramsey told D.J. Hayden can fill in the shoes 2020 season and he wants to
HC Doug Marrone that he of A.J. Bouye and A.J. Bouye can land the top contract for
wished to be traded to a more take the top CB position, top defensive backs. Ramsey is
competitive team. He had been end WRs may be able to get going to have to prove he still
butting heads with Marrone open much more often in a has what it takes to earn that
because Marrone likes to run a matchup with the Jaguars. money, so expect him to work
Zone Coverage defense and his ass off on his new team.
Ramsey excels in Man Even more importantly,
Coverage (some could argue he wherever Ramsey lands could Side bar: Ramsey DMs the
is the best Man-to-Man corner easily become a fantasy girlfriends of his opponents
in the NFL). nightmare for our WR1s. before a game. That’s pretty
Ramsey hasn’t had an fucking baller.
So why should we care?
opportunity to get rolling in


Matchup of the Week: Week 3

Tim’s Team Is Not Cool looks to division is still very much up for may be able to lead their team
remain undefeated in a grabs, as a win here will give to a victory. Can GM Keith
divisional matchup against Keith a divisional record of really afford to
Tim’s Team Isn’t Hard,man. 2-0-0. A loss would cause GM The RB core is deep for Tim’s continue to
The winner of the game will Alex to drop to 2-1-0 on the Team Is Not Cool and GM Alex
take control of the Fecal year with a divisional win-loss of will hope to ride them to an play Corey
Division in Week Three. 1-1-0. early 3-0-0 start to the season. Davis each
After a rough loss in Week Two It will be a difficult week for the week?
against what should probably WRs on Tim’s Team Isn’t
have been a winless team Hard,man as they all face fairly
(Hung Like Hernandez), GM difficult coverage teams. If they
Keith has a lot to prove. The can beat the coverage, they just



The Sanu Crew


Here is a list of notable players
who performed worse than Tarik Cohen (3.50)
Mohamed Sanu in last week’s Ben Roethlisberger (3.00)
matchups:
Dede Westbrook (0.80)
Josh Gordon (2.90)
DeSean Jackson (0)
OJ Howard (0)
Drew Brees (-0.48)
TJ Hockenson (1.20)
Alshon Jeffery (0)
Duke Johnson (3.10)
David Njoku (0)
Jordan Howard (3.10)

Volume 1, Issue 3 Page 4

DYNASTY VS REDRAFT: WHILE TEAMS MAY CHANGE, ONLY THE NAMES REMAIN
By Tim Piehl

Now that Week 2 has Winning is the only thing you finally win, only for
concluded and Week 3 is that matters. You can build others to look back and “So do you
upon us, I felt it was time the prettiest team of lose track of your really want to
for a quick recap on the prospects *cough* my championship team be ‘Keith Licks
differences and similarities team *cough* but if you throughout the course of Balls’ for week
between our newly crafted don’t have the proven our great history? If you 1, ‘Alex Huffs
Dynasty League and the talent, you’re not going to must, change it in the off Sweaty
classic redraft leagues we get very far. It’s never to season as prep for the next Grundle’ for
have all come to know and late to trade those year, but for now: Pick a week 6, and
love. prospects in hopes to pull name, stick with it.
out that championship Because in dynasty, while ‘Tim’s
Rome Wasn’t Built in a
upset. It’s never too late to the teams may fade, at Triumphant
Draft: It Never Hurts to Try
try and make a push for least the names will Team’ when
We’ve all heard the saying: the playoffs so that one remain. you finally win,
If you ain’t trading, you day you may end up on only for others
ain’t trying. This stays as the right side of our league to look back
true in dynasty as it was in history. Speaking of Tim Piehl and lose track
redraft. The only which… of your
difference? Those players Remember Thy Name: The Third Wheel, GM
you trade for, you can Mass Deflators Utd, championship
Becoming the Champion of
keep for life. So, you liked Commissioner team
Lore
a player pre-draft but now throughout the
they are sucking it up on If you want to become course of our
your opponents bench. remembered for years to great history?”
Reach out. Make an offer. come as the dynasty that
Guess what? Even if that withstood all, you need to
player doesn’t help you stop changing your fucking
this year, they still have a team names. Unlike
chance to help you win redraft, where the team
next year! And the year name doesn’t particularly
after that, and the year matter, dynasty team
after that…. Unless you names are an important
trade for Eli. His goose is part of the league history.
cooked. Just remember Your team name will be
that while it may not work posted on draft boards.
out for one year, there is Your team name will be
always a chance year 2 or mentioned in newsletters.
3 could be better. That But best of all? Your team
being said… name may end up on the
trophy we so covet above
Winning Trumps All: There
all else. So do you really
Can Only Be One
want to be “Keith Licks
Trading for the future is Balls” for week 1, “Alex
great and all, but the big- Huffs Sweaty Grundle” for
gest similarity between week 6, and “Tim’s
dynasty and redraft? Triumphant Team” when

Page 5
Notable Moves, Stashes, and Injuries



• Drew Brees is going to be out for roughly 6 weeks due to a thumb injury. New Orleans did not place him on
Injured Reserve which bodes well for his likely return, but in the meantime, Teddy Bridgewater and Taysom
Hill will battle it out for the starting job.
• Ben Roethlisberger is going to be undergoing surgery which will put an end to his 2018 season. Mason
Rudolph, who the Pittsburgh Steelers believe to be the heir-apparent of their franchise, will be under center
for the remainder of the year. It will remain to be seen whether or not Tim’s Team Is Not Hard,man has a long
-term starting QB in Rudolph or if he will be a serviceable Superflex option for this year.
• Eli Manning has officially been benched for the much sexier Daniel Jones. The rest of the Giants team looks

like complete trash, but a bunch of dump-offs to Saquon Barkley could make any QB (and hopefully fantasy
GM!) look impressive.
• Cam Newton seems doubtful to play this week with a foot injury that has been lingering since the preseason.

He hasn’t quite looked like himself up to this point in the season and we may have found the reason why. Kyle
Allen looks like he’s in line to start Week Three with Will Grier backing him up.

• With Alshon Jeffery and DeSean Jackson out, Nelson Agholor looks like the WR to own in Philadelphia. Y’all
Need Jesus might consider starting them for the next couple of weeks while there really aren’t many other
options on the team. Look for Zach Ertz to be heavily involved during the WRs absences.
• CJ Anderson was released from the Lions this week, which bodes well for Kerryon Johnson and Ty Johnson
moving forward. The big boulder of a running back may get picked up by another team in the future, but he
currently remains a free agent.



The Trade Block

John Ross, WR CIN Bengals


2017: 3 Games Played
Receiving—0/0/0

Rushing—1/12/0
1 Fumble Lost

2018: 13 Games Played

Receiving—21/210/7

Rushing—4/9/0

2019: 2 Games Played

Receiving—11/270/3


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