Reader's Digest AU NZ 09.2020

I wasn’t introduced to Europe until Britain. Today, I am the world’s most
the 16th century and, boy oh boy, did popular beverage and am still grown
they lap me up! I became so popular in China and India, as well as Kenya,
in the United Kingdom that I have be- Sri Lanka and Vietnam. Regardless
come something of an institution. In of my colour (green, black or white),
fact, that country has electricity surg- I come from the same plant species:
es at the end of every episode of the Camellia sinesis.
soap opera EastEnders, when viewers
collectively get off their couches to put HERBAL AND MEDICINAL TEAS
the kettle on to make a cup of me.
Although my name is used in the
For centuries China enjoyed the
lofty position of being the world’s herbal drink, herbal tea is really a
sole manufacturer of me. By the
mid-1700s, England was purchasing distant relative – several times re-
millions of pounds of me every year
from China, having financed my pur- moved. As I mentioned before, my
chase through the illegal opium trade
– which sparked the Opium Wars. I leaves come from the Camellia sin-
was also imported in large amounts
by the Dutch, and by 1770, they were ensis plant, where herbal teas come
importing two-thirds as much as
England. from dried herbs, spices, fruit and

Neither country could get enough of flowers. But since herbal teas have
me to satisfy their citizens, nor could
they sustain the expense of import- been around for centuries, who am I
ing, so they decided to cultivate me in
their colonies: Indonesia for the Neth- to mince words?
erlands and India for England. The
East India Company, which had prof- Herbal teas have been used as nat-
ited substantially as a middleman in
my trade between China and England, ural remedies to treat a variety of ail-
sent Scottish gardener and industrial
spy Robert Fortune on a clandestine ments for hundreds of years. Evidence
trip to the Chinese interior – territory
forbidden to foreigners – to steal my is slowly mounting that supports why
closely guarded secrets.
some people are firm believers in my
By the 1880s, I was thriving in In-
dia, which soon unseated Chinese herbal friends. Some of these are:
me as the number one tea sold in
Chamomile tea, which is known for

its calming effects and used as a

sleep aid. As is Passionflower tea.

Peppermint tea, one of the most

widely used herbal teas in the world,

supports digestive tract health.

Ginger tea is a spicy drink packed

with antioxidants that help fight

inflammation and stimulate the

immune system.

Rose hip tea, made from the

fruit of the rose plant, is high in

vitamin C and is said to have anti-

inflammatory properties. >>

50 september 2020

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READER’S DIGEST

ME-TIME! My name is also synon- something handed down by the up-
per classes: only rich folk had fine
ymous with the best time of the day, china cups that could withstand my
tea... or dinner, as it's now more wide- boiling liquid. The lower classes add-
ly called. The concept of afternoon tea ed the milk first so their cheap por-
(also known as low tea) served around celain cups wouldn’t break. Which
5pm, was introduced to wealthy Eng- method actually tastes better is still
lish households by Anna Maria Rus- a matter of hot debate among tea
sell, the Seventh Duchess of Bedford, drinkers.
in the mid-1840s, because she became
peckish before dinner. Today, I'm worth my weight in
gold, with a global market estimated
The practice trickled down to the to be worth US$52.1 billion. Growing
working class who worked long hours numbers of people swear by my myr-
and found a snack between their mid- iad health benefits. But perhaps my
day and evening meal helped boost true worth lies in my special charm of
their energy. This eventually evolved bringing people together. Whether
with the lower classes calling their it’s to catch up with a friend, to wel-
evening meal 'tea', while the upper come a guest, or to provide comfort
classes referred to the evening meal to someone in distress, every day
as 'dinner'. people from around the world delight
in me-drinking rituals (cup of tea and
Milk or me first? Pouring me into the a biscuit?) for a social get-together.
cup first, followed by milk, is also

TEA-POACHED PEARS

◆ Add 2 Earl Grey saffron and four PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES
tea bags to 500ml cardamom pods.
boiling water in a ◆ Add 4 pears,
saucepan and steep peeled, and simmer
until you have a for 15-20 minutes.
strong cup of tea. ◆ Remove pears
◆ Discard tea bags. and strain liquid
◆ Simmer liquid and into a jug.
stir in 150g sugar ◆ Pour sauce over
until dissolved. poached pears.
◆ Add a long strip ◆ Serve with
of orange zest whipped cream
(peel), a pinch of or ice cream.

52 september 2020



11

PAINS

YOU MUST
NEVER
IGNORE

We all feel a twinge
once in a while. When is
it nothing, and when is
it a sign that something
needs attention – now?

BY Jen Babakhan AND Tracy Middleton

FROM THEHEALTHY.COM

54 september 2020

PHOTOS: HANNAH WHITAKER HEALTH

Maybe your feet
have started to
tingle every so
often or you’ve
developed a
mild fever.
Nothing to worry
about, right?
Maybe. But given the coronavirus
(COVID-19) pandemic, you don’t have
to be a hypochondriac to think hard
about whether a niggling symptom is
a clue that something more serious is
happening in your body. How can you
tell when not to worry – and when to
panic? These stories feature people who
faced that quandary and discovered
that their discomfort emanated from
conditions far different from what they
had suspected. The welcome result:
after a proper diagnosis, they all got the
treatment they needed. Consider their
journeys to be a guide for all of us.

readersdigest.com.au 55

READER’S DIGEST

ABDOMINAL PAIN BOWEL
CANCER
“The Burning
Sensation Turned Out Most cases affect
to Be Bowel Cancer” those over 50,
but it is
When Amy Driben-Salcedo felt a increasingly
burning sensation in her abdomen appearing
in 2017, she ignored it for four or five in younger
months. “I have three kids and was people.
just busy with life,” says the high
school careers advisor, who was 47 the truth – she did indeed have
at the time. colorectal cancer. Driben-Salcedo
had three days of chemotherapy
After the pain moved to her back, every other week for a year. The
“I googled my symptoms and decided treatment caused brutal side effects,
it must be an ulcer, so I changed my including sleepless nights, and weak-
diet to bland foods,” she recalls. Then ness and numbness in her hands and
she began rapidly losing weight. feet. But it was worth it; the treatment
wiped out her tumour.
Further googling showed that her
abdominal pain and weight loss were Unfortunately, Driben-Salcedo is
both classic signs of colorectal can- now battling a new tumour in her liv-
cer (commonly referred to as bowel er. Still, having beat cancer once, she
cancer), but Driben-Salcedo dis- is optimistic that she can do it again.
missed the possibility because she “I’m now vigilant about listening to
felt she was too young. By the time my body and taking care of myself.”
she made it to a medical centre, she
had dropped 12 kilograms. She had WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?
her blood tested and X-rays done,
but everything came back normal. We all have tummy troubles now and
Her doctor prescribed medication again, but belly pains sometimes sig-
for irritable bowel syndrome. After nal serious conditions. A sharp pain
taking it for a few weeks with no re- in the lower right side of the abdomen
lief, Driben-Salcedo called the doc-
tor again. “On the way to the CT scan
he ordered, I told my husband, ‘This
must be what cancer feels like. I’m in
so much pain.’” The scan showed a
shadow on her liver.

A follow-up colonoscopy revealed

56 september 2020

11 Pains You Must Never Ignore

could spell appendicitis; in the lower was higher than usual. “Since she
left, diverticulitis; in the middle to didn’t offer medication, I assumed it
upper right, gallstones; and closer to wasn’t a big deal,” says Gee.
the pelvis, ovarian cysts or a urinary
tract infection. Dull or burning pain Although she did her best to enjoy
or cramping is sometimes caused by her holiday, Gee remembers the fa-
an ulcer, irritable bowel syndrome tigue that hit her on the way home.
(IBS), or an inflammatory bowel dis- “Walking from the airport to our car,
ease such as Crohn’s or ulcerative co- it took every bit of strength I had to roll
litis. Stomach aches accompanied by my carry-on luggage. It was so hard to
fever could be viral gastroenteritis. put one foot in front of the other.”

MOUTH PROBLEMS The next day, she called her doc-
tor, who recommended a trip to the
“My Insatiable emergency department. “When they
Thirst Turned Out tested my blood glucose, the doctor
to Be Diabetes” said, ‘You have type 2 diabetes, and
you’re in bad shape. Your glucose lev-
Carol Gee stood at the airport el is so high, it’s a wonder you’re not
car-rental desk after a long flight and in a diabetic coma or worse.’ That’s
began to tell the agent her last name. when it hit me how serious it was.”
That’s when she noticed her mouth When Gee was admitted, her blood
had gone completely dry. Finding it
hard to speak, she finished the pa- DIABETES
perwork and handed her husband
the keys. Worldwide, it is estimated that
one in 11 adults has diabetes,
Gee, 59 at the time, says she tried and of those with diabetes,
not to panic. “It was the weirdest almost half are undiagnosed
feeling I’ve ever had. There was no
moisture in my mouth whatsoever.”
She attributed it to the long flight she
had just taken, though the dry mouth
became a feeling of endless thirst.
“Water wasn’t helping at all. I drank
and drank. That led to me using the
bathroom constantly. I was misera-
ble the whole day.”

A few months earlier, she’d had a
check-up with her doctor, who had
noted that Gee’s blood glucose level

readersdigest.com.au 57

like nail polish remover, you’re prob-
ably eating too much protein. Red le-
sions on the tongue, loose teeth, can-
ker sores (painful shallow wounds
inside the mouth), or red or white
patches inside the mouth that last
longer than two weeks could signal
cancer. White, yellow or brown spots
on your teeth might indicate coeliac
disease. A glossy red tongue is a sign
of a possible vitamin B12 deficiency.

COUGHING COUGHING

Coughing accounts for “My Cold Turned
more than 30 million Out to Be COVID-19”
doctor visits a year
Earlier this year, 20-year-old Jonah
glucose was 900 mg/dl, a long way Stillman, an author and a public
from a normal result of less than 140 speaker, travelled to several countries
mg/dl. including Thailand, South Korea and
England. On the flight home, he says
Now 70, Gee says she’s obsessive he had a minor sore throat and cough.
about taking her insulin and testing
her blood. “I wish I had been more News about the spread of COV-
proactive and asked my doctor about ID-19 was just breaking then, but at
my high glucose level when she first the time it seemed to be affecting
found it. I would have said no to that mostly older people, so he didn’t
cake, my blood sugar wouldn’t have think that was what he had. “I don’t
got that high, and this wouldn’t have get sick often, I work out six days a
been such a surprise,” she says. week, and I have a very clean diet,” he
explains. Still, because he has family
WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE? members with underlying conditions
that he’d heard could raise the risk of
Smell something funky when you complications or death from the vi-
open your mouth? If you also have rus, he called his doctor the next day.
white spots on your tongue, it could
be an oral yeast infection – or a tu- Once they’d heard all the countries
mour. If your breath smells like sour he had visited, the doctors “definite-
milk, you might be lactose intolerant; ly wanted to test me,” Stillman says.
“They met me at the back door of
the office in full personal protective

58 september 2020

11 Pains You Must Never Ignore

equipment and led me to a room. The my gag reflex was so strong. I didn’t
entire process took about 15 minutes. attribute this to COVID-19 originally,
That was on a Wednesday.” but now I see that it’s one of the de-
fining symptoms,” Stillman says.
That Saturday, he received the
news that he had tested positive for His recovery took two full weeks,
COVID-19. “It was shocking because and Stillman started to tell his story
it was still relatively new. It still as a way of urging other young peo-
seemed like a foreign issue,” he says. ple to take the disease and social
By Sunday, his sore throat had be- distancing seriously. “Even if you
come considerably worse, his violent don’t have symptoms, this impacts
coughs wouldn’t stop, and his fever other families and individuals,” he
spiked to 39.5°C. “The body aches says now.
were unlike anything I’ve experi-
enced. I could barely move.” WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?

Among the most disturbing symp- Coughs can linger for a long time,
toms was his lack of taste and smell. but if yours persists without oth-
“I couldn’t differentiate between cake er cold symptoms, you might have
and pizza. The texture was the same, acid reflux, chronic bronchitis,
and there was absolutely no taste. I heart failure, pneumonia, or lung
had to force myself to eat because or throat cancer. ACE inhibitors and
beta-blockers taken for high blood
MULTIPLE pressure can also cause a cough.
SCLEROSIS Generally, if you’re coughing up
blood or green or yellow phlegm, let
MS is most your doctor know.
commonly
diagnosed NUMBNESS AND TINGLING
in people between
the ages 20 and 50. “My Numb Feet
Women comprise Turned Out to Be MS”
75 per cent of
Cathy Chester was fresh out of uni-
patients versity and making a name for her-
self. When she noticed numbness
and tingling in her feet, she attrib-
uted it to stress and walking long
distances in cold weather. “I chose
to ignore the symptoms, and they
grew incrementally worse,” she says.
When the numbness began to move

readersdigest.com.au 59

READER’S DIGEST

up to her lower legs, Chester decid- even after therapy, and the fatigue is
ed to get some medical advice. The awful – I have to take a nap every day
doctor told her that her shoes were at two, no matter what.”
too tight.
WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?
She bought larger shoes, but deep
down she knew that he was wrong. A pins-and-needles or numb feeling
The numbness progressed towards is often just a sign that a part of your
her knees and thighs, causing her to body has ‘gone to sleep’. But if the
stumble. A few times she was even feeling lingers, it could be a blood
accused of being drunk. Along with clot, a pinched nerve, or peripheral
weakness, fatigue often overtook her. neuropathy (itself often caused by
“I figured I was exhausted from living diabetes). If you also have trouble
on my own and trying to keep up in seeing, speaking, or understanding
a competitive job market. It felt like words, you may be having a stroke. A
I had the flu, but a thousand times feeling of numbness in the chest that
worse,” recalls Chester. has lasted longer than 30 minutes
could be a heart attack, especially if
One evening, on her way to catch accompanied by dizziness or nausea.
the bus home, she looked down and
saw that one of her high heels had HEADACHES
come off three metres behind her.
“I didn’t even notice it because my “My Nagging
feet were so numb. That was a real Headache Turned
wake-up call.” Out to Be a Stroke”

After a neurologist ordered a spi- In 2013, Latarsha Jones got a terrible
nal tap, a CT scan and an MRI, she a headache. Jones, a mother of three,
finally discovered what plagued her: assumed that her busy schedule and
multiple sclerosis (MS), a disease of long hours working as an assistant
the central nervous system that dis- principal of a primary school were
rupts the flow of information to the just taking their toll.
brain. Chester had endured five years
of numbness, weakness and fatigue. The aching persisted for sever-
Still, she says, “I was one of the lucky al weeks and was often so bad that
ones who got an immediate diagnosis Jones had to hold her head when she
from the scans. My test results were coughed or sneezed. One afternoon,
very clear. That brought a sense of the pain suddenly intensified. “I felt
relief because I finally knew what to like everything was going in slow mo-
do to help myself.” tion. I couldn’t get words out, and my
speech slurred. I was numb on the
Today, Chester, 61, says, “I never left side.”
got the feeling back in my right leg,

60 september 2020

11 Pains You Must Never Ignore

When paramedics arrived, Jones “Doctors are still looking into fac-
was unable to lift her left arm or say tors that may have caused it, because
her ABCs, two tests used to deter- my blood pressure was not extreme-
mine whether a patient has suffered ly high and the other tests were bor-
a stroke. At the hospital, an MRI re- derline. I believe my obesity was the
vealed she had indeed experienced main factor,” Jones says.
an ischaemic stroke, which occurs
when a vessel supplying blood to the In response to her terrifying or-
brain becomes blocked. deal, Jones has stepped up her ac-
tivity and cleaned up her diet. To-

day, the 47 year old is
a volunteer for a health
organisation. She is still
recovering from her
stroke and takes medi-
cation daily to prevent
another.

STROKE WHAT ELSE
COULD IT BE?
A stroke cuts off
blood to only part Nearly everyone gets
of the brain, so skull-throbbers. Dehy-
symptoms often dration, poor posture,
appear on only one certain foods and stress
side of the body are common causes, but
some head pain indi-
cates a bigger issue.

If a headache wakes
you up in the morn-
ing or doesn’t get bet-
ter with medication,
it might be a brain tu-
mour. And if it’s coupled
with a high fever and a
stiff neck, you might
have meningitis.

Headache accompa-
nied by blurry vision or
trouble focusing could
be an aneurysm.

readersdigest.com.au 61

READER’S DIGEST

6 More Symptoms HERNIATED
to Get Checked DISK

Herniated
disks are
twice as
common in
men as in
women

BACK PAIN

Dehydration, stress, inactivit y, a FEVER
poor diet, or the wrong wardrobe
(high heels or too-tight outfits) could A body temperature of 40°C or above
be to blame for backaches. If your is normally a sign that your immune
back hurts when you first get out of system is working to fight off an in-
bed in the morning, the pain may be fection, such as strep throat, influen-
from osteoarthritis. Pain in the low- za or COVID-19. But if you also have
er and upper back, on your side, or abdominal pain, you might have ap-
in your groin can be a sign of a uri- pendicitis; tenderness and swelling
nary tract infection that has spread in your legs, deep vein thrombosis;
to the kidneys. A herniated disk can skin that is red and painful to the
hit the nerves in your spinal cord, touch, cellulitis; a cough or short-
causing pain. ness of breath, pneumonia; or bloody
urine or pain when you urinate, a
CHEST PAIN urinary tract infection.

Chest pain can be a scary red flag NAUSEA AND VOMITING
for a heart attack – and you should
call paramedics if you think you’re Feeling queasy is often a side effect
in cardiac arrest, or if you are also of motion sickness, pregnancy or
experiencing shortness of breath, gastroenteritis. But heart attack
cold sweats, nausea, light-headed- symptoms can also mimic stomach
ness, overwhelming fatigue, and/or problems such as nausea, vomiting
a feeling of doom. But those pangs
in your chest could also be a sign
of anaemia, shingles, pancreatitis,
a stomach ulcer, a panic attack or
lung cancer.

62 september 2020

11 Pains You Must Never Ignore

or overall gastrointestinal upset – pink or brown band at the tip are
especially in women. If nausea is associated with kidney, liver or
accompanied by pain in the upper heart problems. Melanoma can ap-
right side of the abdomen, you may pear under your nails as a black spot
have had a gallbladder attack. If you on the nail bed or a dark-coloured
have back pain and a fever along line. Brittle nails that peel or split
with nausea, chances are a urinary can be caused by an underactive
tract infection has morphed into a thyroid. Ridges in nails can also sig-
full-blown kidney infection. Stom- nal that you’re not making enough
ach ulcers and pancreatic cancer stomach acid.
can also cause nausea.
ADDITIONAL REPORTING: CHARLOTTE HILTON
BREAST PAIN ANDERSEN, ALYSSA JUNG, MARISSA LALIBERTE,
KARYN REPINSKI, JENN SINRICH, LINDSAY TIGAR
“The vast majority of wom-
en who come in with breast KIDNEY DISEASE
pain do not have cancer,”
says Dr Diana Ramos, co- In one study, 36 per cent of patients
chair of the US National with chronic kidney disease had
Preconception Health and half-white, half-brown nails
Health Care Initiative. Oth-
er culprits could be preg-
nancy or an infection. Men
who feel breast pain might
have testicular cancer.

NAIL PROBLEMS

When your nail bed is con-
cave, or spoon-shaped, you
have a condition known as
koilonychia, which is usual-
ly caused by anaemia. Skin
that becomes swollen near
the cuticles and nails that
are bulbous can be a sign of
lung disease. Tiny little
dents along the surface of
the nail are associated with
psoriasis or alopecia areata.
Nails that are white with a

readersdigest.com.au 63

READER’S DIGEST

64 september 2020

SEE THE WORLD...
Turn the page ››
readersdigest.com.au 65

READER’S DIGEST

66 september 2020

...DIFFERENTLY

To highlight how the
natural world is affected by
humanity’s massive output
of waste, Portuguese artist
Bordalo II creates animal
sculptures around the world
– constructed solely from
garbage. Sadly, this Dublin
sculpture of a giant squirrel
made from damaged car
parts, old TVs and bike frames
has already been consigned to
the waste bin again – to make

way for a new hotel.

PHOTOS: IMAGO/ZUMA PRESS/
ARTUR WIDAK

readersdigest.com.au 67

READER’S DIGEST

One survivor now wonders ILLUSTRATION: SHOUT
whether abusers like hers deserve the

harsh comeuppance they often get

Sympathy
For My Bully

BY Geraldine DeRuiter

FROM THE WASHINGTON POST

68 september 2020

ART OF LIVING

A s a child, I was an broken down, I’d comfort myself
easy target for play- with the idea that one day I would be
ground torments: happy and successful and my bully
smart, insufferably would not. I internalised the cliché
rule-abiding, de- used to soothe all bullied children of
cidedly unpretty. my generation – the universe would
The tormentor I mete out some sort of karmic justice.
remember most distinctly was not my
first bully, nor my last, but his attacks This idea is everywhere: bully Biff
would turn others into footnotes. Tannen waxes George McFly’s car at
the end of Back to the Future, having
He was in my class for years. In been beaten into submission (literal-
class photos, his face is round and ly) years earlier. In A Christmas Sto-
almost cherubic, but I remember it ry, Ralphie finally snaps after years
contorted in anger as he spat insults of torment and attacks Farkus, who
at me, telling me to shut up, flail- is left tearful and bleeding. Regina
ing his hands against his chest and George – the Machiavellian queen
moaning – an approximation of what bee in Mean Girls – eventually relin-
he said I sounded like. We were seat- quishes her bullying crown, but only
ed next to each other year after year, after she’s publicly shamed twice
and when I finally complained about and flattened by a bus.
this arrangement, one of my teachers
said that maybe I’d be “a good influ- Even today, the internet is rife with
ence on him”. stories of bullies getting their come-
uppance, from viral videos of little
It didn’t work. His mum was also kids fighting back to Reddit threads
my softball coach, driving me to and describing justice doled out against
from practice when my single moth- an antagoniser.
er could not. Sitting in the back of
his mother’s van after my team lost a “It’s an age-old story – the idea of
softball game, he snapped, “It smells bullies getting theirs,” says Meghan
in here.” When his mother climbed Leahy, a school counsellor and par-
into the driver’s seat, oblivious to enting coach. “It’s a very human part
what had happened, he was still dou- of us that likes revenge.”
bled over with laughter. I was ten.
That seems only fair, right?
When I would return home after After all, the bullies are the bad guys.
one of my bully’s taunts, tearful and According to a 2014 study that gath-
ered data from more than 234,000

readersdigest.com.au 69

READER’S DIGEST

teenagers and children, victims of bruised face was a result of “walking
bullying are more than twice as like- into a door”.
ly to contemplate killing themselves
as their non-bullied peers. Other As the years passed, those promises
studies have shown that people who of karmic justice given to me in child-
are bullied are more likely to expe- hood came true. I went to university
rience low self-esteem and anxiety, on a full scholarship. I graduated with
more inclined to abuse alcohol and honours and became a professional
drugs, and more likely to suffer from writer. My mother finally extricated
a host of physical ailments, such as herself from her abusive relationship.
headaches and sleep disturbances. Determined not to follow in her foot-
steps, I sought out soft-spoken men
DURING THE PERIOD when I was who never yelled. I met and mar-
being bullied, my mother was deal- ried someone wonderful. Everything
ing with her own abuse at the hands turned out better than I could have
dared hope.

I told myself that one day I’d be happy
and successful and my bully would not

of a man with whom she’d been ro- I occasionally searched for my bully
mantically involved for several years. online, determined to see my story to
He fluctuated between charming and its promised end, to relish all the ways
volatile. He would yell, throw furni- my life was better than his. In 2010,
ture and other objects, punch holes after years of finding nothing, I
in the walls of our home, and tear learned from a friend that my bully
doors off their hinges. had been murdered in his home, not
far from where we grew up. Consumed
At the time, I’d never seen my by the story, I pored over every news
mother’s boyfriend hit her, but my article I could find. He had been deal-
bully, who lived nearby, had seen ing pot and was killed in a robbery
him pull my mother from her ve- gone wrong. One of the murderers
hicle and throw her to the ground. had been his childhood friend.
The next day at school, my bully told
everyone within earshot the story. I read that he had anticipated an
He laughed through his imperson- attack. His friends said he was so ter-
ation of her lying on the ground rified in the weeks leading up to his
whimpering. murder that he’d slept with a hammer
under his pillow. I was haunted by
Until that moment, I’d believed my what I imagined his final moments
mother when she told me that her

70 september 2020

Sympathy For My Bully

were like, by how scared he must As they grow up, bullies tend to
have been. I cried for the boy who have trouble keeping jobs, often have
had made me so miserable. problems with alcohol and drugs,
and are more likely to have criminal
Now I had to wonder: what kind records. A large number of bullies are
of fate would I have considered suf- also victims of bullying.
ficient retribution? Would I have
been satisfied if he had become The idea that bullies themselves
merely unsuccessful or unhappy? might be more than one-dimensional
What sentence are we comfortable villains is hard to swallow, especial-
bestowing upon an eleven year old ly for those of us who’ve dealt with
for his crimes? What’s the statute of them. I never could have imagined
limitations for revenge? feeling empathy for the boy who
made my life hell, or for any bully.
I wanted my bully’s life to turn
out rotten, but when it actually hap- My bully ridiculed me for having a
pened, it didn’t feel like justice had mother who was a victim of domestic
been served. It felt like I’d simply violence. He was dead at 25. I think of
watched a building collapse in slow his anger, his struggles in school, his
motion. The cracks in the foundation unhinged rage, all at the tender age
had started long ago. of 11. I look at the narrative we are so
often told as children – that our lives
IN THE PAST FEW YEARS, our culture will be wonderful and our bullies’
has started to see bullying as a seri- lives will not – and I see the error in
ous problem, one whose victims need thinking that a troubled child some-
help, support and protection. But if how deserves a terrible fate.
right-thinking people want to care
about bullying as a social problem, “Ignore him, and he’ll go away,”
we need to see some nuance. Look at adults told me. In the end, they were
every bully and his or her victim and right.
you’ll often find two kids who need
help, not just one. WASHINGTON POST (FEBRUARY 22, 2018),
© 2018 BY WASHINGTON POST,
WASHINGTONPOST.COM

Rare Book Rescued From Bin

A first-edition Harry Potter book has sold for $60,600 at auction
– after being found in a skip bin. The rare hardback copy of Harry

Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was salvaged from a bin at a
British school, and was sold with four other novels from the series

that were also discovered dumped. BBC.COM

readersdigest.com.au 71

READER’S DIGEST

LAUGHTER

The Best Medicine

“We would never have abducted you if we had known CARTOON CREDIT: MICK S TEVENS/EVERYONE’S A CRITIC/COURTESY PRINCETON ARCHITECTUR AL PRESS
how much you would criticise our driving”

Career Changers I also wrote a novel and got a $50,000
advance from the publisher. I have a
Could a ... new TV series airing next week, and
everyone says it’s going to be a hit.
... librarian be called a bookkeeper? I’m doing great! How are you?”

... referee be a game warden? “OK,” says the first producer.
“I’ll call back when you’re alone.”
... dairyman be a cowboy?
JIM PIETSCH IN THE NEW YORK CITY CAB
... cabinetmaker be the prime DRIVER’S JOKE BOOK

minister? SUBMITTED BY J. LEE Tooth Hurt-y

Quite a Show A man is playing around one
Saturday morning and chips a tooth,
A Hollywood producer calls his so he goes to a dentist to get it fixed.
friend, another Hollywood producer, After waiting quite a while, he gets
on the phone.

“Hey, how are you doing?” he asks.
“Well!” responds the friend.
“I just sold a screenplay for $200,000.

72 september 2020

Laughter

in and has his tooth fixed. When

the dentist is almost done, he asks

the man, “Would you do me a

favour, please? I’ll take $20 off your

bill if you do.”

The man shrugs and figures

why not.

The dentist says “Just scream like

you’re in extreme pain?”

The man is a little confused, Dead Men Tell No
Bad Jokes, Matey!
and asks “Sure, but why, my
September 19 is International Talk
appointment wasn’t that bad?” Like a Pirate Day. Here are gags to
tell as you’re walking the plank:
The dentist says “There are still ten
What did the pirate say when
people in the waiting room and I don’t he became an octogenarian?
Aye matey years old!
want to miss the big game at 2.30 this
How much did the pirate pay for
afternoon.” J O K E S O F T H E D AY. N E T his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.

Shipped Out Why don’t pirates take a shower
before they walk the plank?
My grandfather warned people They just wash up on shore.
the Titanic would sink...
How do you make a pirate furious?
No one listened, but he kept Take away the ‘p’.
warning them until they got
sick of him and kicked him How much does it cost for a pirate
out of the cinema. to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

STUFFANDTHINGSYTP

True Story

Mind-blowing literary fact: all non-

ILLUSTRATIONS: GETTY IMAGES fiction books take place in the same

shared universe. @OSUTEIN

Dream Big

A girl in the coffee shop I’m working

in just said to her friend, “Imagine

a hot veggie smoothie,” and I’m

wondering how to break it to her that

soup exists. @DAYNAMCALPINE_

readersdigest.com.au 73

DRAMA IN REAL LIFE PHOTOS: OMOMOM

HELP!

HECAANRAMNEY?ONE
Trapped in her car down an embankment,
Corine began to lose hope of being found
BY Lisa Fitterman
ILLUSTRATIONS BY Steven P. Hughes

74 september 2020

readersdigest.com.au 75

READER’S DIGEST going on in her life – a divorce and
caring for the boys while working in
orine Bastide gently a local cafeteria – that getting the car
locks the door to her checked wasn’t a priority. Until now.
boy f riend’s apar t-
ment, not wanting to She decides to get off the motorway
wake him. It is 11pm as the slower the car is going, the eas-
on July 23, 2019, still ier it will be to stop. The sign for the
exit to the town of Saint-Georges-Sir-
C humid after a day Meuse is right up ahead. She guides
that reached 31°C. the car into the exit lane and starts to
Restless after an argument earli- pump the brakes. Gently at first, then
er with her ex-husband about their hard, harder. Nothing’s working!
three sons, there’s no way she will
be able to sleep. So, she has decided Her little grey Fiat Bravo hatch-
to drive home, an easy 36-kilometre back keeps picking up speed,
trip along the motorway from Liège careening as she tries to steer. She hits
to her place in the Belgium village something. The car is in the air, then
of Wanze. sliding down a slope that feels steep
as a cliff, studded with jagged rocks,
As she gets into her car, she tucks a thick tree trunks and overhanging
strand of long auburn hair behind an branches. It takes seconds, minutes,
ear and absently smooths her colour- forever. Then a terrible crunching
ful green-patterned dress. Rivulets of noise, metal folding in on metal, and
sweat run down her neck. the sound of smashing glass.

There is little traffic. Corine grips Corine lies on her back, disorient-
the steering wheel as she concen- ed. She doesn’t realise the car has
trates on both the road and thoughts flipped over. Somehow, she has man-
of her boys, who live with her half aged to undo her seatbelt. There is
the time: Hadrien, 18, a track and the sound of breathing, shallow, fast
field fan, who is determined to help and loud. Is that me? It must be near-
victims of crime as his life’s work; ing midnight. She should have been
Audric, 16, a champion high-jumper; home by now. Somewhere in the car,
and Dorian, 12, her ‘Dodo’ and a bud- her mobile phone rings. Thoughts are
ding athlete in his own right. jumbled together: Am I alive? Please
help me! Did anyone see me go over?
Without them, I’d be nothing.
Lost in her thoughts, she only And yet, there is one thought that is
notices the car vibrating after she has the clear and constant chorus to the
been driving for about 20 minutes. clamour of the others.
I told you to have the brakes ser-
viced, she imagines David Bart- My boys are my lifeline.
holomé, her boyfriend of five Then she passes out.
months, telling her. There is so much

76 september 2020

DAY ONE Help! Can Anyone Hear Me?

The sound of the mobile phone jars loses count. For sure, David is trying
Corine awake. Unthinking, she to reach her. And maybe Hadrien,
reaches out for it, casting blindly. All with whom she speaks or exchanges
of a sudden, reality hits. She is lying messages nearly every day.
on the inside of her car’s roof, the
driver’s seat suspended above her. After about two hours, the phone
A branch sticks through the gap that stops for good, its battery dead.
was the front windshield. Silently,
she recites, as if to pin herself in time, She lies there, waiting for someone
her name, the date, her sons’ names. to find her. By now it is past noon.
There was an accident. I am alive.
David must think I’m angry with
Shards of exploded glass glitter him. And he must have phoned
throughout; the contents of her hand- Hadrien. What do they think has hap-
bag are strewn everywhere. pened to me?

She grunts, trying to shift. But She drifts off in the early evening.
As she sleeps, David, who has tried
Corine’s mobile repeatedly, calls
Hadrien.

IN BLINDING PAIN, CORINE SHIFTS HER BODY.
IT TAKES 15 MINUTES TO MOVE TWO CENTIMETRES

she can’t because her left leg and “Have you heard from your mum?”
her back are embedded on the bits “No,” comes the reply. “Is some-
of glass. Oh, the pain! Although she thing wrong?”
doesn’t realise it then, her back is
broken in several places, and her DAY TWO
entire left side is paralysed.
It dawns even hotter, the hottest day
Someone has to see me, she thinks. of the week so far. Corine stirs, her
The traffic is so close. She can hear it. limbs numb but feeling new resolve.
“Help me!” she cries, loud as she can. Today, she is going to help herself.
“I’m down here! She is a runner. She knows what it is
to hit the wall and move through it.
She calls out until her voice can The car is her wall, and the brambles
call no more. No one hears her. Al- and the embankment. To get out of
though she has not fallen far – maybe the car, struggle up the embankment
two metres at most – the traffic is too and wave down a passer-by.
loud and the car is too well hidden by
the woods. In the meantime, her mo- “Please call the father of my chil-
bile phone rings again and again; she dren,” she imagines telling her

readersdigest.com.au 77

READER’S DIGEST

rescuer. “They need to know I’m OK.” reach the ground, which is covered
That’s how she thinks of Stéphane. in gnarled roots and sharp rocks.

The father of her children. The man Launching myself out headfirst
she was with for 23 years after mov- could end with me breaking my neck.
ing to Belgium from Mauritius more
than a quarter century ago. Disheartened, she lies there, gath-
ering what strength she has to shift
It’s strange, but she doesn’t feel back into the car. By the time she is
hungry or thirsty. She looks around settled, the sky is starting to change
for a way out of the car. With the bent colour.
and twisted chassis, it’s not obvious
but – there! Yes. She will use the seat- Sleep, she tells herself, exhausted.
belt looped above her like a rope to There’s always tomorrow.
pull herself through the jagged gap
in the front. Gritting her teeth amid IN THE MEANTIME, Hadrien and
blinding pain, she shifts her body; David are calling everyone they
with every movement the shards of know. But no one has heard any-
thing from Corine.

DESPERATE, CORINE BRACES HERSELF AND TRIES
TO KICK OPEN A CAR DOOR. IT DOESN'T BUDGE

glass in her back and legs cut deeper. “There isn’t even anything on
It takes about 15 minutes to advance Facebook,” Hadrien says. “If a morn-
just a centimetre or two. ing goes by without a post from her,
something is very wrong. It’s time to
Hadrien, Auric and Dorian. They call the police.”
are her mantra.
By the end of the second day, Had-
“Come on, you can do it,” she says rien and David have learned that
out loud, imagining that Hadrien is the last location for Corine’s mobile
speaking to her. phone signal was in the region of
Saint-Georges-sur-Meuse. But there
The sun is high in the sky when are so many farms and little com-
she finally pokes her head outside. munities there, and the small pop-
Gazing up, she sees snippets of blue ulation is spread out over 20 square
sky through the canopy of broken kilometres, much of it covered in
branches. dense forest. By now, she could be
anywhere. She could be kidnapped.
Turning her head and glancing Or dead.
down, she cries out in frustration:
the car is perched on a small ledge
and there is a drop of half a metre to

78 september 2020

Help! Can Anyone Hear Me?

DAY THREE DAY FOUR

The weather is the same, hot and Corine wakens to wetness. It’s rain-
sticky, with not a cloud in the sky. ing on and off, the water coming
This morning, Corine, desperate and in through the broken windshield
determined, shifts her body to brace to soak her dress, which is already
her shoulders and arms against one damp from her urine. Time is re-
door in an attempt to kick open the duced to light and dark, day and
other one. night, the difference between living
and dying. All she can do is lie here,
Again and again, she tries, grunt- listening to the traffic, the rain and
ing with effort. But she is weak and the whistle of the wind.
the doors are so damaged, they do
not budge. On Facebook, Hadrien begs for
anyone who has information to
What next? Corine looks around. please call either him or the police,
Her gaze lands on the back door, and the family puts together a post-
which the crash left partially open. er to be put up everywhere over the
What if she tries to squeeze through next few days.
feet first? But does she have the
strength? “We will find you,” he vows. “We
need you.”
Tomorrow, she thinks.

readersdigest.com.au 79

READER’S DIGEST Without thinking, she tears her
dress in a frenzy, crying out as the
DAY FIVE material takes pieces of her skin with
it. Then she lies still, realising she has
A torrential downpour turns the car to get a grip – fast. “You can’t sleep
into a makeshift bathtub so that Co- because if you do, you will die from
rine is half-submerged, her long hair the cold,” she says aloud to herself.
floating around her. If only she could “Please, find me soon. I don’t know
sink under and have it all go away. how much longer I have.”

Hadrien, Audric and Dorian. DAY SIX
“You are going to see your boys
again,” she says aloud. “Live.” It is sunny again, with a light breeze.
She tries to collect water from the Perfect for a run or attending the
downpour, first in an empty chew- boys’ many athletic competitions.
ing gum container but the cardboard But not for this ordeal. At the end
simply absorbs it. She looks again at of her tether, Corine, an observant
the branch sticking into the car, its
leaves now dripping.
Carefully, she lifts her head and

“YOU CAN’T SLEEP BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU WILL
DIE FROM THE COLD,” SHE SAYS TO HERSELF

guides the branch down to her open Catholic all her life, has a conversa-
mouth with her right hand. She sucks tion with God.
like a baby, coaxing enough wa-
ter from the branch to moisten her “Lord, if you can see anything I
mouth. haven’t tried, help me find a solu-
tion,” she says. “Because I can’t do
Her dress has ridden up in the wa- any more on my own.”
ter and her thighs are exposed and
burning from their myriad cuts. She In the meantime, the parents
is shivering uncontrollably, partly be- of a friend of Hadrien, Laurence
cause the temperature has dropped Lardinois and her husband, Olivier
and her wet dress is freezing. Lechantre, are out that afternoon do-
ing errands. Corine is on their minds.
With nothing to eat for five days Earlier that day Olivier had helped
and only the rainwater to slake her his son put up ‘missing’ posters in
thirst, she is becoming hypother- their area.
mic; as her body starves it starts to
consume its own fat cells to keep her They are driving slowly on the exit
going. to Saint-Georges-sur-Meuse when
Laurence, in the passenger seat, spots

80 september 2020

what looks like an over-

turned car to the right, at

the bottom of the embank-

ment, so covered in vege-

tation and mud, it looks as

though it was abandoned a

long time ago.

“But it could be Corine,”

she says. “Let’s go check it

out.”

They park and carefully

descend, Olivier leading

the way because there are

so many stones, branch- Corine with Audric (left), Dorian and
es and roots to trip over. Hadrien, Christmas 2019
Suddenly, they hear a

faint voice. multiple fractures in her spine, a se-

“Help me,” Cor ine ca l ls. “I’m vere weakness in her left side, a col-

down here!” lapsed lung and hypothermia. When

“Are you Corine?” she comes out of surgery, David and

“Yes! How do you know my name?” her sons are there.

“A lot of people have been looking “You scared us,” David tells her.

for you! It’s a miracle,” comes the an- Her neck and spine supported by

swer. “It’s a miracle!” a brace, her body torn and battered,

Laurence phones the police, and she cries. “You thought I’d aban-

about ten minutes later, an ambu- doned you?” she says.

lance arrives and a helicopter lands Then she turns her head to the

in the adjoining field to take Corine boys, who are standing there, awk-

to hospital in Liege. Workers have to ward. They want to hug her hard and

cut through branches and then pry never let her go – but they can’t.

off the car door to get her out safely. “It was thoughts of you that got me

At the hospital, doctors diagnose through,” she tells them.

Dull, Boring and Bland

Boring, Oregon, and Dull, Scotland, have been sister cities since
2012. In 2013, they added Bland Shire, Australia, to their ‘League

of Extraordinary Communities’. MENTAL FLOSS

readersdigest.com.au 81

ADVENTURE ALL PHOTOS: COURTESY OF DR GEOFF WILSON

THE
MAN WHO

CONQUERED
ANTARCTICA

WITH
A TENT

AND
A KITE

82 september 2020

Australian veterinarian and solo adventurer
Dr Geoff Wilson talks to Cath Johnsen about

his recent record-breaking expedition to
Antarctica, and how it felt to be the most

isolated man on Earth

readersdigest.com.au 83

READER’S DIGEST

till gloved and gowned after
finishing emergency surgery on
a border collie that had been run
over earlier, Dr Geoff Wilson
emerges from his veterinary

Soperating theatre. Fortunately
for the dog, its owners had brought
it straight to Geoff’s clinic, at Nobby Beach on
Queensland’s Gold Coast.

“It was a bit of a love job,” say Geoff, Having two intense, yet complete-

as he looks at the unfortunate pup- ly different focuses in his life has

py’s X-rays. “His owners have been proved the perfect blend. “I think

hit hard financially by the coronavi- people that are just full-time adven-

rus, but we didn’t want to put him to turing sacrifice family and friends

sleep. He’s in recovery now.” for the adventure lifestyle,” he ex-

A fourth-generation vet, 49-year- plains. “But being a vet has really

old Geoff is the found- been part of the suc-

er of the VetLove Solo cess I think.”
chain of practices that expeditions His veterinary life
has 11 clinics across
involves constant

Queenland and north- carry high problem solving as
ern New South Wales. risks – from well as logical plan-
But he’s also a pro- crevasses to ning and implementa-
fessional adventurer. wind kites tion to diagnose each
Earlier this year, he animal and help heal

spent 58 days alone in losing control it. This is very similar
Antarctica, sleeping to the cognitive abili-

in a tent and travel- ties he needed to nav-

ling 5306 kilometres in a sled pulled igate across Antarctica.

along by a kite. It was his second solo Successfully performing delicate

kite-flying expedition, and third vis- surgery on a dog’s crushed legs a few

it to Antarctica. His passion for solo months after spending over eight

kite-flying has also seen him travel weeks alone on the Earth’s coldest,

to the Sahara Desert, Greenland and driest, windiest and iciest conti-

Norway, among other places. nent with two severely frostbitten

84 september 2020

The Man Who Conquered Antarctica

Geoff hopes to
inspire others
to “move more,
dream more and
wonder more”

READER’S DIGEST

fingers, is nothing short of amazing. he overcame to claim the title of the

“These two fingers should have longest, solo, unsupported polar

been chopped off,” he says, gesturing journey in human history; a quest

to his left index and middle fingers that led him into temperatures as

that were badly frostbitten on the low as -46°C and with wind chill as

trip. Despite wearing four pairs of low as -80°C.

gloves, Geoff’s fingers And going it alone

suffered badly in the He powered meant that, accord-
below-freezing tem- ing to statistics, Geoff

peratures, with two up the kite was eight times more

developing frostbite and hit the likely to die compared
at the end of the sec- crevasses at to dual or group ex-
ond week. Fortunate- 90 degrees, peditions. Going solo
ly, the tissue regrew. carries high risks

“I’ve never heard of going as fast – from difficult-to-see

anybody regrowing as he could crevasses to kites that
frostbitten tissue, but can easily lose control,

two new fingertips knock over and drag a

grew underneath the black caps,” person along.

he explains. “Then the caps fell off The real risk point descends be-

and now I’ve got full feeling and full tween day ten and 14. “There’s a high

function.” chance of failure at that point,” says

It’s just one of many challenges Geoff. “Things that go wrong in that

Geoff’s powerful wind
kite propelled him on skis
while hauling a laden sled

86 september 2020

The Man Who Conquered Antarctica

period tend to get amplified in your
mind, because you’re lacking the hu-
man contact.”

Crevasses are deep fractures in the
ice sheet that can spell almost cer-
tain death if a person slips into one.
Aware of the risk of the ice breaking
and cracking if it moves too fast,
Geoff carefully examined aerial pho-
tos and studied the velocity of the ice
to predict the speed that the ice was
moving. Despite designing a route
that would stay away from the fragile
crevasse ice, on Day 56, fatigued and
only days away from the finishing
point, Geoff came dangerously close
to losing everything.

“I’d been pushed off-course and
made a navigational error that put
me into about a 15-kilometre-wide
section of terribly broken ice.”

Geoff considered his choices. He
could: stop and set up a tent; ring his

readersdigest.com.au 87

READER’S DIGEST

Geoff at the Pole of Inaccessibility, next to a statue of Vladimir Lenin.
In 1958, the statue was affixed to the top of a former Soviet research station,

now almost buried by snow

support team in Australia and see if the ice for only the shortest amount

they could help him navigate a way of time possible. Despite having

out through satellite technolog y; faced numerous life-threatening sit-

or push on, working by instinct. He uations in his lifetime – like dodging

chose to continue. land mines in the Sa-

“I could see Thor’s “I just had hara Desert to claim
Hammer [a natural this eerie the title of the first and
landmark near his feeling that only wind-assisted
endpoint], I just felt (kite) crossing in 2009,

like I had to get out of one of the ice or kiting his way to the
there,” he says. “So for fastest, unsupported
the next two hours I sheets was crossing of Greenland
negotiated a way out, going to go” from south to north in

but it meant that I had 2017, this was one of

to cross 42 crevasses.” the most frightening moments he’d

He powered up the kite and hit the ever faced.

crevasses at 90 degrees, going as fast “I just had this eerie feeling that

as he could to ensure the sled was on one of the ice sheets was going to go,”

88 september 2020

The Man Who Conquered Antarctica

he recounts. “Twice, I went too hard including five horses, three dogs, two
and the skis hit the oncoming lip, and cats and whatever waif or stray is be-
I came out of the skis.” On one occa- ing treated at the time, Geoff admits
sion, as he went to retrieve the skis, he’s still hungry for adventure.
Geoff’s boots poked through the icy
ground straight into blue ice to reveal “Even before the end of the jour-
a gaping open space beneath. “It was ney, you’re already starting to think
very, very stressful.” about the next dream,” he admits.
“It’s that freshness that comes into
Remarkably, just two days later, life through your dream-life with
Geoff safely kited up to the Russian which I just wish I could infect peo-
Novolazarevskaya Research Station ple,” he says.
– his final destination. The journey
marked a new world record. Heavily “Pioneering has lost its way a little
bearded and weighing 17 kilograms bit in the past 50 years. We need to
less than when he began, Geoff was get the wonder back. Get the dream-
thankful to be alive. After calling his ing back. Get the pioneering back.
wife, Sarah, he indulged in the pleas- That’s my passion for the rest of my
ure of deep slumber in a warm and adventure days: to try to tell stories
comfortable bed. and inspire people to move more,
dream more and wonder more.”
Back at home on the warm shores
of the Gold Coast, happily reunited To read more about Geoff’s amazing
with his wife, three much-loved chil- expedition through Antarctica, visit
dren and their menagerie of animals, www.drgeoffwilson.com.

Super Fast Delivery

A woman’s front door security camera shows footage of a fleet-
footed delivery driver complying with her son’s odd ‘additional
instructions’. Lynn Staffieri’s 13-year-old son, Jacob, ordered a
package and left a special message for the driver: “Knock on the
door three times and scream ‘abracadabra’ as loud as you can and
run super fast away,” the boy wrote. The security camera verifies the

driver took the ‘additional instructions’ seriously. UPI.COM

Not so fast is the longest time between a letter being posted and
its delivery – 89 years. In 2008, Janet Barrett, from Dorset, UK,
received a letter posted in November, 1919.

GUINNESSWORLDRECORDS.COM

readersdigest.com.au 89

FIRST PERSON ILLUSTRATIONS BY MEREDITH SADLER

The
Hairbrush

My Mum had wanted Dad to find new love.
I was the one having trouble with it

BY Lisanne van Sadelhoff

FROM THE BOOK YOU ARE YOUNG AND YOU MOURN

90 september 2020

readersdigest.com.au 91

READER’S DIGEST

It had been my mum, Paola,

who pushed my dad to find a new lover. She had just
turned 56 and had been sick with bowel cancer for
six months.

“Anton?” she had asked her love of 40 years.
“Yes, dear.”
“Don’t stay alone too long, after I’m gone.”
“But you won’t be gone for a long time.”
“But I will, one day, and then you need to get on a dating
site. Lisanne will help you. Go find a nice woman, OK?”

Search, find and love. Dad locked eager to find out if he could still
this advice away in the back of his love. And he really didn’t want to
mind and it didn’t resurface until spend the rest of his life by himself.
over a year after my mother died. My brother and I had left home years
That first year had been pitch black, before – for study, work, love. Dad
for all of us – I didn’t know what pitch was alone, day in, day out. At night,
black meant before that year. before he went to bed, he switched
on the television so as not to hear the
In a practical sense, Dad man- silence.
aged. He had always been able to fry
his own eggs. He went back to work, “If I don’t do it now, I may never,”
walked the dog, picked up his tennis he told us. He had spoken to fellow
lessons and every week he placed widowers who had remained single
fresh purple tulips next to a photo forever. And it wasn’t even that bad.
of his wife – red lipstick, huge smile, But they were sad and alone. For it is
blue, blue eyes, glass of wine. a painful fact that not all the people
who say “I’ll stop by soon” after the
After that first year, things bright- funeral actually come by.
ened up a bit. “Is it me, or is it a bit
sunnier?” Dad had asked one day. It We got it, we cheered him on,
wasn’t climate change, or even the quietly convinced that he wouldn’t.
weather. It was him, and a new stage
of mourning. I had felt it myself, the But he did. Dad was very clear: “If I
transition from pitch black to grey. don’t look for love now, I may end up
sad forever.”
Even then he wanted it. New love.
He wasn’t so much ready for it as So, we signed him up on a dating
site as a remedy for eternal heartache.

92 september 2020

The Hairbrush

DAD WAS VERY
CLEAR: “IF I DON'T

LOOK FOR LOVE
NOW, I MAY END UP

SAD FOREVER”

Dad may kill me for writing this, but And then Moniek came along, and
he thought it necessary to lie, and it was the appetizer, the entrée and
take three years off his age. And the even dessert. She was sweet, caring,
photo he uploaded to his profile was blonde (like Mum), a teacher (like
one in which he had cropped out my Mum), loved purple (like Mum),
mother. If you looked closely, you dressed cool (like Mum) and Dad
could see a couple of her strands seemed happy with her (as he had
of wild blonde hair near his face. It been with Mum).
made me laugh, because I knew my
mum would have. I told him I was happy for him,
because I felt that I should. Friends
H is first dates were futile, even and relatives said, “Gee, isn’t that
hilarious at times. At one nice for your dad?” But I wasn’t at all
point Dad texted my broth- sure about how nice I thought it was.
er and me to ask if it was “very rude I wasn’t sure if I could handle seeing
to leave after the appetizer”. That’s another woman by his side. I wasn’t
when I taught him the first rule of even used to the emptiness my mum
dating: never have dinner on a first had left there.
date. Drinks are safer.
As Dad fell in love with Mon-
iek, my animosity grew. For weeks

readersdigest.com.au 93

READER’S DIGEST

I COULD SHUN
THE BEDROOM,

BUT THE
BATHROOM WAS

IMPOSSIBLE
TO AVOID

I postponed the moment that I Moniek was sweet, she had brought
would have to meet her. us presents, she was interested, but
she wasn’t Mum.
Dad pushed me to come, more
than once. He wanted to share his It was difficult. But there was a
happiness with us and wanted to bright side. Since Mum died, I had
know what we thought of her. spent one day every weekend with
my father. And now Moniek was
“It matters how you feel,” he told there. And I wasn’t, which was fine.
me. I understood. I had always need- I had full weekends again.
ed my dad’s approval for my boy-
friends. But having her in our house was the
thing that bugged me the most. In our
So, my brother and I gave in. house. In my parents’ bed – the bed
I wanted to ask Dad not to get at- where I had been conceived 30 years
tached to her, but didn’t. I didn’t ago. The bed where my brother and I
want to begrudge him his happiness. had escaped the spiders in our rooms
or the monsters in our heads.
They clung to one another as I
would have with a new boyfriend. That bed was now Dad’s and Mon-
But I was young and Dad was 62 (or iek’s, and I shunned the bedroom as
59 as his online profile had said).

94 september 2020

The Hairbrush

if it was infected. What had once could take over? And where were my
been the most secure place in the mother’s things?
house was no longer mine. I told Dad
how I felt. Did she throw them away?
My stomach turned, my breath
“I understand,” he said. “Do you stopped, my lips were glued togeth-
want me to ask Moniek not to stay er. I yanked open the top drawer of
over this often?” the dresser where my mother had
always kept her hairbrush – where it
Yes, please, I thought. had been, untouched, until now.
“No, of course not,” I said. I looked down.
There it was. Not one brush, but
Icould shun the bedroom, but two. Moniek’s and Mum’s. Like sis-
other places were impossible to ters, side by side.
avoid. Like the bathroom. I was
terrified of going in there, but it was M y dad and Moniek are still
impossible not to. together, and we see each
other regularly. It is still
The first time I went into the bath- uneasy at times, but we talk about it.
room since Moniek started spending
her weekends with Dad, I found her There is now room for our grief
jar of moisturiser on the blue stone over Paola, and room for Moniek’s
shelf over the sink. love for my father.

It made me furious. FROM THE BOOK YOU ARE YOUNG AND YOU MOURN
Really furious. BY LISANNE VAN SADELHOFF. © 2020 LISANNE VAN
That was where my mother’s mois- SADELHOFF, DAS MAG UITGEVERS, DASMAG.NL
turiser should be! And only hers. ADAPTATION BY THE AUTHOR.
What was she thinking? That she

Robot Rounds Up Sheep

A New Zealand software company and a US engineering firm are
testing out a metal robotic dog’s abilities to emulate its biological

counterparts with a traditional canine task: herding sheep.
Robotics company Rocos is using Spot, a robotic dog developed by

Boston Dynamics, to herd sheep on New Zealand farms.
Rocos said its software allows Spot to be controlled remotely

as it herds the sheep through sometimes difficult
and mountainous terrain. Some farmers are unconvinced, citing

the intelligence of dogs in independently rounding up sheep,
which goes beyond the handler. CNET.COM

readersdigest.com.au 95

READER’S DIGEST

I don’t forgive people because
I am weak. I forgive them because
I am strong enough to know that

people make mistakes.

MARILYN MONROE, ACTRESS

Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence
– is the key to unlocking our potential.

WINSTON CHURCHILL, STATESMAN

WE HAVE TO Success is a THOUGHT IS
WALK IN A WAY lousy teacher. AN IDEA IN
THAT WE ONLY TRANSIT.
PRINT PEACE It seduces
AND SERENITY smart people PYTHAGORAS,
ON THE EARTH. into thinking MATHEMATICIAN
WALK AS IF YOU they can’t lose.
ARE KISSING THE Everybody always
EARTH WITH BILL GATES, says that I’m the
girl next door,
YOUR FEET. ENTREPRENEUR which makes me
think that y’all
THICH NHAT HANH, must have a lot of PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES
BUDDHIST MONK weird next-door

neighbours.

KELLY CL ARKSON,
SINGER AND TV HOST

96 september 2020

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READER’S DIGEST PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES. FROM RD.COM

The Origins of

‘LET THE
CAT OUT OF

THE BAG’

98 september 2020