Reader's Digest Canada - 03.2020

loss, impermanence. You name it—if it’s “Grandma, we are taking you to the
scary, you remind me of it! carousel this weekend. I’m going on
the frog, and you can go on the horse
I flop on the couch, aware of all that next to me.”
my daughter is witnessing. She hears
me reprimand my mother, lose my “Oh, that’s wonderful, darling!” I’m
patience, announce that someone I mesmerized by their exchange. “Tell
love is an imposition. I have not only me, did you go to school today?” She
failed tonight at being a Good Person; already asked that.
I have failed at being a Good Example
to My Daughter. “Yes, Grandma, I went to school,
and we had share day. I brought my
I stew on the couch, defeated. Wonder Woman bracelets.”
“Can I talk to Grandma Ellie?” My
daughter reaches for the phone. “You did? How wonderful!”
Wordlessly, I hand it over. “Do you want me to sing you a song?
“Hi, Grandma!” I know three songs from Annie.”
I hear my mother exclaim through And then my daughter sings.
the receiver: “Sweetheart! How are The sharp evening breeze sails
you? Did you go to school today?” through the window, and the mess in
What witchcraft is this? All my our apartment settles around me like
daughter said was “Hi, Grandma,” and an old soft quilt. I listen to my daughter
my mother sounds like a person fully crooning to her grandmother, caring
alert to the heartbeat of a normal day. for her with exquisite patience.
“Yes, Grandma, and today was share I spend so much time wishing she
day, and I brought my Wonder Woman had a “real” grandmother, wishing she
bracelets.” knew my “real” mother. In this moment,
“Can you put it on speaker?” I whis- I see that she does have a real grand-
per to my daughter. mother, and she does have a real rela-
She obliges, and out of the phone tionship with her. It isn’t the one I had
comes a waterfall of good cheer. My hoped for, but to her, this is normal—
mother tells her how much she loves to care for a loved one is a part of life.
her and how lovely her voice sounds. When they hang up, after many kiss-
Then: “I hope I’ll see you soon?” My ing noises, I tell my daughter it is bath
mother makes her plea for a promise time. She wildly protests, but I draw
of companionship. I hear her voice the bath anyway. I am still Mommy,
differently now. I am not tired or angry; after all, and she is still five.
I am soft inside, watching my kinder- But tonight, she taught me how to
gartner handle her fragile grand- answer the phone like a grown-up.
mother with such deftness.
THE NEW YORK TIMES (NOVEMBER 3, 2017), COPYRIGHT ©
2017 BY NEW YORK TIMES CO., NYTIMES.COM.

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reader’s digest

AS KIDS SEE IT

“Greetings, diary.”

One Sunday at church, hands. My husband My wife and I were CONAN DE VRIES
our pastor talked about did, and he was part of babysitting our grand-
a glass with water in it. the pessimists. Our children during a family
He asked those of us daughter didn’t raise camping trip. As night-
who saw the glass as her hand. I asked her fall approached, they
half full to raise our why and she replied, became unruly. We
hands. I did, and we “Mom, I’m a realist. The were at our wits’ end
were called optimists. glass is full—half with until I spotted a banana
Then he asked those of water, half with air!” on the picnic table. I
us who saw the glass as told them that I had
half empty to raise our — SUSAN MICHEZ, the power to turn that

Mississauga

50 march 2020

banana into a phone Have kids so you always have someone to
and call their parents point out how long your nose hairs are while
to report their misbe- standing in checkout lines.
haviour. That trick
worked until the morn- — @RODLACROIX
ing, when they woke
us up shouting, “You a male voice came over you wouldn’t be cold
can’t call anyone any- the PA system. My son if you weren’t wearing
more—we ate your looked at me wide- a hat with a hole in it.”
banana phone!” eyed, pulled at my arm
so he could whisper in — BRENDA RODGERS,
— CHARLIE GALLANT, my ear and asked, “Was
that God speaking?” Burlington
Antigonish, N.S.
— PAT HEPBURN, My husband and I were
How my family preps on a flight when we
for guests: Allenford, Ont. looked over and saw
Me: *Tidies up.* our three-year-old
Husband: *Fires up Our eight-year-old daughter picking her
the barbecue.* grandson told his mom nose. I quickly said,
Toddler: *Removes that he wanted to be an “Hey! Stop picking your
all clothing.* accountant when he nose!” She responded,
grew up. “I wasn’t picking my
— @JANNAKILIMNIK nose; my nose was
“Oh,” she said. “You sucking on my finger!”
Kid: My sandwich has want to count people’s
too much peanut butter money?” — DARCI VICKERY,
on it.
Me: *Makes new “No,” he replied. Lake Country, B.C.
sandwich.* “I want to hold their
Kid: This one has money.” Today my four-year-old
too little. asked me, “Daddy,
Me: *Makes one — VI HUGHES, does the moon have
just right.* a job or does it just
Kid: I don’t like peanut West Vancouver sit there?”
butter anymore.
It was a really cold day, — @THECATWHISPRER
— @MOMMAJESSIEC so I was wearing a
headband as I walked Send us your original
While I was grocery my two-year-old grand- jokes! You could earn $50
shopping with my daughter to daycare. I and be featured in the
three-year-old son, mentioned that I was magazine. See page 10
chilly and she simply or rd.ca/joke for details.
said, “Well, grandma,

rd.ca 51

SOCIETY

London, Ontario—mid-sized, multi-ethnic,
and very, very ordinary—is where major

corporations go to test new products.
What it’s like to live in a guinea pig city.

BY Nicholas D’Ascanio

FROM MAISONNEUVE

reader’s digest
rd.ca 53

reader’s digest

t’s a humid summer afternoon and MOST RESIDENTS OF London go (PREVIOUS SPREAD) WEI SEAH/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO
a minivan is packed with hungry through life unaware of the part they
children. There isn’t time to cook play in a conspiracy stretching from
before tonight’s soccer game, so corporate boardrooms in New York
their father pulls into the McDon- and Toronto to the fast-food restau-
rants of southern Ontario. London is,
Iald’s drive-thru and places his in fact, a principal test market for new
order. The children whine; the vein consumer products in Canada—and
on his left temple pulses. After a long even for the United States.
eight minutes, he rolls down the win-
dow, and with a mumbled “sorry,” a Newly invented goods slide dis-
teen hands him a family-size pizza. This creetly into their displays. And then
is London, Ont., in the mid-eighties. market researchers in the big cities
This seemingly normal scenario, watch. They count how many Krispy
which likely occurred hundreds of Kremes get eaten and notice who opts
times, is actually not at all normal in for peach Pepsi. By the time the goods
one noteworthy way: few communities make it to Toronto or Ottawa, they may
in North America had McDonald’s feel new, but they’re not: they’ve been
pizza then. London was among the first tried by the citizens of London.
to get it before it spread slowly across
the continent. People loved the pizzas; Companies love London because it
they became legendary. But a dish that is deeply, beautifully average. It’s a
took nearly 10 minutes to make wasn’t medium-size city, just under half a mil-
exactly “fast food.” Couple that with lion people living in its broader metro-
thousands of franchisees saddled politan area. Larger cities pose the logis-
with the cost of installing new ovens and tical problem of testing evenly across
the whole idea eventually fizzled out. the populace while smaller ones don’t
The thing is, the hypothetical father at have big-enough consumer pools to
the drive-thru didn’t know any of this. get an accurate reading.
He was just looking for the welcome
silence that comes from filling kids’ London’s employment breakdown is
mouths with pepperoni and cheese. He a diverse mix of occupations, industries
didn’t know that London was at the cen- and incomes. It’s home to two major
tre of an ongoing experiment in North post-secondary institutions, a large
American consumer habits. And he manufacturing sector and plenty of ser-
didn’t know that, to some shadowy fig- vice jobs. London has a wide range of
ures watching from afar, he and his fam- ethnicities, too. About 140 languages
ily were considered the most typical, are spoken there; immigrants make up
representative people in the country. about a fifth of the population.

Kapil Lakhotia, president and CEO
of the London Economic Development

54 march 2020

Corporation, explains that it is the con- It was a big hit, paving the way for a
fluence of all these factors that makes national rollout. The retro golden arches
London such an irresistible place for of that first location still rise above
companies to float new products. Oxford Street. (When it comes to their
Other cities may have some of these pizza saga, it definitely came to Lon-
criteria, but not all of them together. don early, but it’s difficult to get a hard
You could even say that London is one- date; my father recalls buying them in
of-a-kind—at least for the purpose of the early nineties, about five years
market research. before they hit the general market.)

CANADA TRUST The Tim Hortons Iced Capp, that
BANK’S FIRST ATMS, mix of sickly sweet coffee syrup and ice
CALLED “JOHNNY CASH mush that powers Canadians through
the summer months, is said to have
MACHINES,” WERE first appeared in London. The Beer
TESTED IN LONDON. Store introduced drive-thru pickup
there (along with a couple other loca-
London also has a bit of a cautious, tions nearby). It’s pretty convenient—
conservative disposition. But unadven- you roll up and get handed a two-four
turousness is actually a good thing for a through the window. Despite some
test market: companies can be confi- concerns initially that it would encour-
dent that if Londoners latch on to some- age drunk driving, it has lasted to the
thing, they must really like it. The city is present day.
content, after all, with not even having
its own name. If you were from London, A few years back, IKEA brought fur-
as I am, you would often hear yourself niture pickup points to Canada, starting
sigh as you explained for the hundredth in London. For years, Londoners had
time, “No, the other London.” to schlep an hour and a half to Burling-
ton for their unassembled Swedish fur-
“We’re bigger than London, Ken- niture. Now, not only were they able to
tucky,” I sometimes like to add. order products and pick them up on
Wonderland Road, they were the only
I’D ALWAYS BEEN dimly aware that, in ones in Canada who had that luxury.
London, we were guinea pigs. And after
some research, I’ve realized just how In the early 1980s, Canada Trust
much this was true. Bank—now TD Bank—introduced its
first-ever ATMs in London, at least
The first McDonald’s in eastern Can- according to oral history. They weren’t
ada was opened in London in 1968. called that; they were dubbed “Johnny
Cash Machines.” (Another fun fact
about London: it claims Johnny Cash as

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reader’s digest

part of local lore, since he proposed to didn’t make any false promises. It was
June Carter on stage there in 1968.) The a thrill to a young vegetarian, but then
Cash-themed cash machines were later it disappeared. I didn’t know it was a
rolled out across Canada as a promo- test at the time, a soy-based mirage. I
tional scheme before the bank switched only finally verified its existence when
to the normal, Johnny-less version. I came across a report last September
that made reference to this McVeggie
In terms of sheer scale, the most sig- Deluxe, almost two decades later, while
nificant product tested in London is announcing that McDonald’s was test-
probably the McDonald’s Chicken ing a new plant-based burger—called
McNugget. In 1983 those little chunks the PLT—in, of course, London.
of assembly-line meat hit the city—
and Londoners must’ve liked them, Many Londoners must have similar
since the rest is caloric history. memories that aren’t ever substantiated
like mine was, and wonder if they’re
I QUICKLY LEARNED during this inves- just imagining them. Among my friends
tigation, though, that getting definitive and family, a few people can remem-
facts is tough. Test-marketing is a highly ber getting McDonald’s delivery in the
secretive process. My attempts to con- nineties, like I do. Many more, however,
tact the companies for confirmation have no idea what I’m talking about.
proved fruitless—it turns out that Tim
Hortons, for example, doesn’t like to GROWING UP IN London, you’re often
talk about products it tests, especially aware of an absence. There isn’t an
if they aren’t popular. easily identifiable culture like the ones
my friends had who grew up in bigger
For the longest time, there was one Canadian cities. But maybe there’s
thing I remembered growing up that I meaning in this contribution our pop-
could not confirm outside of my own ulace has made to the country. Every
memory—that McDonald’s made a veg- time you enjoy Chicken McNuggets or
gie burger in the early 2000s. I knew an Iced Capp, thank the average citi-
this because I most certainly ate them. zens of London for trying them first—
This was before any other major fast- and liking them.
food outlets had them on their menus,
and I can still vividly remember how © 2019, BY NICHOLAS D’ASCANIO. FROM “NORM CORE,”
it looked—a greasy brown puck that MAISONNEUVE (SEPTEMBER 27, 2019), MAISONNEUVE.ORG

Simple Bliss

The constant happiness is curiosity.

ALICE MUNRO

56 march 2020

WORLD WIDE WEIRD

BY Rosie Long Decter

pierre loranger Going Nuts Brandon impression during a job
It seemed like the ani- Conti— interview. A young man
mal kingdom had it in wanted for a applying at a Subway
for Pittsburgh’s Chris DUI—on their restaurant in Redmond,
and Holly Persic. An Facebook page the Ore., did just that when
hour after Chris’s vehi- day before Halloween, his mother literally
cle broke down last they were hoping for crashed his interview
October, his wife called tips on his where- last October. While her
to report a burning abouts. Instead, they son was inside talking
smell was coming from got a comment from to the manager, the
her own car’s engine. Conti himself: mother dozed off in her
When she popped the “Appalled!” he wrote. car—and accidentally
hood, she found it filled “Where’s my costume?” hit the gas pedal, send-
with walnuts—more The office responded by ing the car through the
than 200 in total. An editing a sailor suit onto establishment’s win-
enterprising neighbour- Conti’s mugshot, com- dow. The crash hap-
hood squirrel squad plete with a cap that pened just feet from
had been storing nuts read AHOY. “That’s where the interview
for the winter. They had awesome,” Conti com- was taking place.
chewed through a wire mented the next day. Thankfully there were
in Chris’s truck for good “I’ll be there before no injuries—except
measure. While Chris noon.” Conti turned maybe to the poor kid’s
eventually repaired his himself in and was job prospects.
wire, Holly got to tem- released on bail later
porarily enjoy the scent the same day—with
of roasting nuts. enough time left to
trick-or-treat.
In Deep Water
When the Kankakee, Ill., Asleep at the Wheel
sheriff’s office posted a They say you need to
photo of 26-year-old make a strong first

rd.ca 57

reader’s digest

DRAMA IN REAL LIFE

Pam Bales was hiking in Mount Washington State Park
when the temperature suddenly dropped and a snowstorm

blocked her way. That’s when she spotted a set of fresh
footprints leading deeper into the unknown.

“Is Anybody
Out There?”

BY Ty Gagne FROM NEW HAMPSHIRE UNION LE ADER

illustration by irma kniivila

rd.ca 59

reader’s digest

Pam Bales left the pavement of Base Road and
stepped onto the snow-covered Jewell Trail, the
first leg of a six-hour loop hike she’d planned
through New Hampshire’s Mount Washington
State Park. The 70-year-old had packed for almost
every contingency and intended to walk alone.

A piece of paper on the dashboard The hike up the lower portion of the
of her SUV detailed her itinerary: start Jewell Trail was pleasant. Bales felt
up the Jewell Trail, traverse the ridge excited as she walked the snowy paths.
south along the Gulfside Trail, summit At 8:30 a.m., still below the treeline,
Mount Washington, follow Crawford she stopped and took the first in a series
Path down to Lakes of the Clouds of on-the-trail selfies, in her fleece tank
Hut, descend the Ammonoosuc Ravine top and hiking pants. The sun shone
Trail and return to her car before some through the trees and cast a shadow
forecasted bad weather was scheduled over her beaming face.
to arrive. Bales always left her hiking
plans in her car, as well as with mem- Less than an hour later, she smiled
bers of the Pemigewasset Valley for another photo, after she’d climbed
Search and Rescue Team, where she into colder air. She now donned a
also volunteered. quarter-zip fleece top and gloves. An
opaque backdrop of light fog had
It was just before 8 a.m. on October replaced the sunshine, and snow
17, 2010. She’d checked the higher- shrouded the hemlock and birch trees.
summits forecast posted by the Mount
Washington Observatory before she Above her, thick clouds were drop-
left. They predicted a slight chance of ping below Mount Washington’s sum-
showers and wind chills around -12 C mit, where the temperature measured
to -17 C. Winds were predicted to hit -4 C and the winds gusted to about 80
well over 100 kilometres per hour. kilometres per hour in fog and heavy
blowing snow.
Bales knew she could handle the
hike. Besides, she had two alternative AT 10:30 A.M., THE weather was show-
routes planned and extra layers of ing its teeth. Bales added even more
clothing to better regulate her core layers, including a shell jacket, goggles
temperature as conditions changed. and mountaineering mittens, to shield

60 march 2020

herself from the cold

gusts and dense fog. She

made her way across

a  snow-covered ridge

toward Mount Washing-

ton and began to think

about calling it a day.

Then she noticed

something: a single set

of footprints in the snow

ahead of her. She’d been

following faint tracks all

day and hadn’t given

them much thought,

because so many people

climb the Jewell Trail.

But, she realized, a pair of

sneakers had made these.

She silently scolded the

absent hiker for violating

normal safety rules and Pam Bales took a selfie at 8:30 a.m. to document her

walked on. climb up Jewell Trail on Mount Washington, which is

By 11 a.m., Bales was known for its extreme weather swings.

getting cold, even though

she was moving fast. She put on an and heavy sleet, her eyes searching for

extra top under her shell jacket and some type of shelter, the tracks made a

locked down her face mask and gog- hard left-hand turn off the trail.

gles. Good thing I packed heavy, she Now she felt genuinely alarmed.

thought. She decided to abandon her There was no way the hiker could

plan. Summiting Mount Washington navigate in the low visibility. Bales

was just an option. With the weather stood there, stunned. The tempera-

COURTESY OF PAM BALES getting worse, returning to her SUV was ture was plummeting and darkness

a requirement. was mere hours away. If Bales contin-

Gusts of wind screamed as they ued to follow the tracks, she’d add risk

attacked her back and left side. The and time to the itinerary she’d already

sneaker tracks in the snow were modified. But she couldn’t let this go.

the only thing keeping Bales on the She turned to the left and called into

Gulfside Trail. As she fought the wind the frozen fog.

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reader’s digest

motionless, cradled by

large boulders. She

approached him and

uttered, “Oh, hello.”

He did not react. He

wore tennis sneakers,

shorts, a light jacket and

fingerless gloves. His

head was bare. Thick frost

covered his jacket. His

eyes tracked her slowly,

and he barely swivelled

his head.

A switch flipped. Her

informal search became

a full-on rescue mission.

She leaned into her wil-

derness medical training

and tried to gauge his

level of consciousness.

By 11 a.m., the weather had turned and Bales was “What is your name?”
about to head back. Fortunately for one distraught she asked.

hiker, she wouldn’t quit. No response.

“Do you know where

Nothing. She called out again: “Is you are?”

anybody out there? Do you need help?” Nothing. His skin was pale and waxy,

The winds carried her voice away. and he had a glazed look on his face. It

She blew into her rescue whistle. For a was obvious that he wasn’t processing

moment, she thought she heard some- her questions. He was hypothermic.

one reply, but it was just the wind. She The prospect of having to abandon

turned and walked cautiously in the him in the interest of her own survival

direction of the single set of tracks. Her was horrifying, but she’d been trained COURTESY OF PAM BALES

bailout route would have to wait. in search and rescue; she knew not to

put herself at risk. She also knew she

BALES FOLLOWED THE tracks gingerly didn’t have much time. As he sat

for about six to nine metres, strug- propped up against the rocks, she

gling to remain upright. She rounded stripped him down to his T-shirt and

a slight corner and saw a man sitting underwear to get him into dry clothes.

62 march 2020

Because he wouldn’t talk and she her patient squarely in the eyes and
was in such close contact with him, said, “John, we have to go now.” She left
she gave him a name: John. She placed no room for argument. She was going
adhesive toe-warmer packs directly to descend, and he was going with her.
onto his bare feet. She checked him for The wind roared over and around the
any sign of injury or trauma. There was boulders that had protected them
none. From her pack, Bales retrieved a during the hour-long triage. She braced
pair of soft-shell pants, socks, a winter him as he stood up, and ordered, “You
hat and a jacket. She pulled the warm, are going to stay right on my ass, John.”
dry layers onto his body. He was so
badly impaired by hypothermia that She had to be forceful—he seemed
he couldn’t help. moments away from stopping and fall-
ing asleep. That was not going to hap-
Bales next removed a bivouac sack pen on her watch.
from her pack, holding it firmly so the
winds would not snatch it. She slid JOHN SAT WITH HIS
it under and around his motionless SHOULDERS DROPPED
body. She activated more heat packs
and placed them in his armpits, on his FORWARD. HE TOLD
torso and on each side of his neck. BALES THAT HE HAD
Bales always brought a thermos of hot
cocoa and chewable electrolyte cubes. HAD ENOUGH.
She dropped a few cubes into the
cocoa, then cradled the back of his Bales figured that the only viable
head with one hand, gripped the ther- route was back the way they’d come.
mos with the other and poured the As the pair retraced their steps on the
drink into his mouth. ridge, visibility was so bad that they
were forced to inch along. Bales fol-
Over the next hour, John began to lowed the small holes in the snow that
move his limbs and speak. Slurring his her trekking poles had made earlier.
words, he said that it had been 15 C
when he had left Maine that morning. She was trying hard not to let John
He had planned to follow the same sense her growing concern when he
loop as Bales—a route he had walked dropped down into the snow. Bales
several times before. He said he’d lost turned and saw that he seemed to be
his way in the poor visibility and just giving up. He sat with his shoulders
sat down here. But even as he warmed dropped forward and his hands on his
up, he remained lethargic. knees; he told her he was exhausted
and had had enough.
Bales recognized that he would die
soon if they didn’t get help. She looked

rd.ca 63

reader’s digest

Bales would have none of it. “That’s back in his car. Their journey had
not an option, John. We still have the taken four hours.
toughest part to go, so get up, suck it up
and keep going!” Slowly he stood, and Bales started her car engine and
she felt an overwhelming sense of relief. placed the frozen clothes she had
taken off John inside so the heater
THE DESCENT WAS could thaw them.
ARDUOUS AND BALES
FEARED JOHN WOULD “Why didn’t you check the weather
RESIST HER EFFORTS forecast dressed like that?” she asked.
TO SAVE HIM AGAIN. He didn’t answer. He just thanked her,
got into his car and drove across the
BALES AND HER reluctant companion empty lot toward the exit. Right around
had travelled just over half a kilometre that time, at 6:07 p.m., the Mount
when they arrived back at the junction Washington Observatory clocked its
of Gulfside Trail and Jewell Trail. It had highest wind gust of the day, at 141
been around 2 p.m. when they’d kilometres per hour.
started down, and nearly an hour had
already passed. The sun would set in Standing there, astonished and alone
three more. Although trees would pro- in the darkness, Bales said to the empty
tect them from the wind, it was darker wilderness, “What just happened?”
under the canopy. Bales switched on
her headlamp, but with only one light BALES WOULDN’T GET an answer until
between them, she had to move slowly a week later, when the president of her
down a steeper section, then turn to rescue group received a letter in the
illuminate the trail so John could fol- mail, a donation tucked between its
low. “Keep going, John; you’re doing folds. It read:
great,” she repeated.
“I hope this reaches the right group
Their descent was arduous, and of rescuers. This is hard to do, but I
Bales feared that he would resist her must try as part of my therapy. I want
efforts to save him again. Just before to remain anonymous, but I was called
6 p.m., they arrived at the trailhead, John. On Sunday, October 17, I went up
exhausted and battered. John could my favorite trail, Jewell, to end my life.
walk by himself but was totally spent— Weather was to be bad. Thought no one
it seemed all he wanted was to get else would be there. I was dressed to
go quickly. Next thing I knew, this lady
was talking to me, changing my clothes,
giving me food, making me warmer.
She just kept talking and calling me
John and I let her. Finally learned her
name was Pam.

64 march 2020

“Conditions were horrible, and I said her pack patch and bumper sticker.
to leave me and get going, but she “My deepest thanks, John.”
wouldn’t. Got me up and had me stay
right behind her, still talking. I followed, IN THE NINE years since she saved John,
but I did think about running off—she Bales has become something of a hiking
couldn’t see me. But I wanted to only legend. It’s a title she never sought or
take my life, not anybody else’s, and I wanted, but one she certainly earned.
think she would’ve tried to find me.
Bales was deeply moved by the
“The entire time, she treated me man’s gesture and by the fact that she
with compassion, authority, confi- made him feel that he mattered.
dence. With all that has been going
wrong in my life, I didn’t matter to me, Some people have asked me whether
but I did to Pam. She probably thought I, in finally recounting this story for the
I was the stupidest hiker, but I was public, tried to find John. The thought
never put down in any way. Maybe I of searching for him felt wrong.
wasn’t meant to die yet. I somehow
still mattered in life. In a sense, I have found John, and
he is very close by me. John is my
“I became very embarrassed later on neighbour; he is my good friend, a
and never really thanked her properly. close colleague, a family member. John
If she is an example of your organiza- could be me.
tion, you must be the best group
around. Please accept this small offer At some point in our lives, all of us
of appreciation for her effort to save have found ourselves feeling helpless.
me way beyond the limits of safety. Alone, devoid of a sense of emotional
‘No’ did not seem to be in her mind. warmth and safety, we’ve sought that
place just off the trail where we hoped
“I am getting help with my mental to find some way to break free of our
needs. They will also help me find a job, struggles. Many are able to quietly self-
and I have temporary housing. I have rescue. Others, like John, are rescued
a new direction, thanks to wonderful by people like Pam Bales.
people like you. I got your name from
NEW HAMPSHIRE UNION LEADER (JANUARY 5, 2019),
COPYRIGHT © 2019 BY TY GAGNE, UNIONLEADER.COM.

The Smell of Success

Today in incredible power moves, the cashier sniffed each
of my candles as she rung them up, and nodded
or shook her head after each one.

@ANNABROGES

rd.ca 65

HEALTH

Every year, 63,000 Canadians have
a heart attack—and many die because
their symptoms are misdiagnosed. Here’s
how to avoid becoming another statistic.

THE
BROKEN
HEARTS

CLUB

BY Lisa Bendall

photograph by brittany carmichael

66 march 2020

reader’s digest

Karen Narraway’s racing
pulse and arm pain were

blamed on anxiety.

reader’s digest

One night in September brisk walking, her sister pushed her
2015, Karen Narraway of to go back for another assessment.
Pickering, Ont., couldn’t “Everything changed after that,” she
get comfortable at bed- says. An angiogram found six major
time. Her heart felt like it blockages that had previously been
was racing. A registered missed. (ECGs only catch problems 60
nurse, she checked her own pulse and to 70 per cent of the time, especially in
discovered that it was high. She also early disease.) While the specialist was
noticed an unusual ache travelling performing the X-ray of the vessels
down her left arm. Narraway, 52 at the around Narraway’s heart, he leaned
time, was a single mom with two teens. down and said: “I’m so sorry, but this
Her job, though she loved it, was non- isn’t what we expected to find.”
stop. “I thought maybe I was just
stressed,” she recalls. “It sent chills through me,” says Nar-
raway. A few days later, she underwent
Over the next couple of weeks, she quadruple bypass surgery. Without it,
tried yoga and relaxation breathing. a sudden massive heart attack could
But when the symptoms didn’t go have claimed her life.
away, she saw a cardiologist. Her heart
rate shot even higher after only eight THE DIAGNOSTIC
minutes on a treadmill, but on her CHALLENGES
electrocardiogram (ECG), her heart
appeared to be functioning normally. Each year, over 63,000 Canadians have
a heart attack. They typically occur
Narraway’s father had had his first because a blood vessel to the heart is
heart attack before he was 50. But Nar- blocked—cholesterol plaque builds
raway, who was slim, ate a healthy diet up on the vessel walls or a large blood
and didn’t smoke, accepted the cardi- clot creates a plug. When that happens,
ologist’s explanation that the high pulse timing is critical.
was likely from anxiety. “I wasn’t feeling
like I was having anxiety, but it was a “The earlier the symptoms are recog-
relief to have an answer,” she says. nized, the better your outcome,” says Dr.
Shamir Mehta, director of interventional
A beta blocker helped normalize her cardiology at Hamilton Health Sciences
heart rate. The arm pain was blamed in Ontario. According to Brock Univer-
on arthritis. And when, a few months sity’s Heart Innovation Research Pro-
later, Narraway started feeling chest gram, over 90 per cent of people who
discomfort, she was sent home from have heart attacks had warning signs in
the ER—doctors again citing anxiety. the days, weeks or months beforehand.

In early 2017, when Narraway real- But symptoms can be subtle and
ized that her chest pain worsened with confounding, which is why the Brock

68 march 2020

research team has developed the Pro- Here are 11 ways your body could be
dromal Symptoms Screening Scale, a sending you a message:
free, web-based questionnaire to help
people identify them. CHEST DISCOMFORT

Furthermore, according to recent This symptom, called angina, is caused
research led by the Yale School of Pub- when your heart is deprived of blood
lic Health, which examined gender because a coronary artery is clogged.
differences in almost 3,000 people who It might come and go with exertion
were hospitalized with heart attacks, and rest. It’s not usually described as
women tend to have more varied sharp pain—more of a tightness, pres-
symptoms than men—not only chest sure or heaviness.
pain but also things like nausea or jaw
discomfort. It could be one reason why One long-standing myth about
women are misdiagnosed much more female heart attacks is that they don’t
often; in a joint U.K.-Swedish study in typically come with chest pain.
2016, the rate was 50 per cent higher. Researchers now know that some
degree of chest discomfort is experi-
“Women and men also communi- enced by 90 per cent of men and
cate differently,” points out Dr. Sharon women having heart attacks. The Har-
Mulvagh, co-director of the Women’s vard School of Public Health showed
Heart Health Clinic in Halifax. “Men that although men are more likely to
often answer in a sentence or two.” call it “chest pain” and women are
Women, on the other hand, may give more apt to use words like “discom-
more detailed descriptions of what fort” or “pressing,” the sensations
they’re feeling, which health-care pro- they’re feeling are similar.
viders can misinterpret as anxiety.
People with diabetes, on the other
Women themselves are also almost hand, who may have nerve damage, are
twice as likely as men to believe their less likely to feel chest pain with a heart
symptoms are due to stress, according attack. “Sometimes all they have is a
to the Yale study. And they may delay sense of feeling unwell and having to lie
attending to them, putting their own down—but it’s their heart,” says Mehta.
needs on the back burner.
ARM PAIN
“If you feel like something is off and
you’re not your normal self, you should Discomfort in the arm, especially in
seek medical help,” says Cindy Yip of the left arm, is another common symp-
the Heart and Stroke Foundation tom. This is referred pain from the
of Canada. “Listen to your body, chest area, says Mulvagh: “Pain fibres
because chances are the signs are there, are very primitive; the signals can be
and you can act on them quickly.” transmitted to other areas of the body.”

rd.ca 69

reader’s digest

A CHANGE OF HEART? PAY ATTENTION

Heart attack symptoms can come and go in the hours, days or weeks before
a heart attack occurs. Don’t assume that because nothing happened to you
overnight, you’re fine. “People can have ‘stuttering’ symptoms if a blockage
in the artery is opening and closing,” says Dr. Shamir Mehta, director of
interventional cardiology at Hamilton Health Sciences in Ontario.

A University of Illinois study published in 2019 found that when heart
attacks came on gradually rather than suddenly, people waited about
five and a half hours longer before getting help. That’s dangerous, since
a delay can cost your life.

It’s usually described as a dull ache in abdomen, which is often assumed to
the arm, not a shooting pain, as you be indigestion. “Young people in par-
might have with a pinched nerve, for ticular will confuse it with gastro-
example. The arm might feel heavy, esophageal reflux and will take ant-
and the fingers may tingle. acids to try to settle it down,” says
Mehta. Pain can also be felt in the
UPPER BODY PAIN upper abdomen; he’s seen heart attack
patients come into the ER complaining
Referred heart attack pain can also of a stomach ache.
sometimes be felt in other parts of the
upper body—the neck, radiating across SWEATING
the shoulders or in the upper back.
Some people even feel discomfort in the Heavy perspiration, clamminess or a
jaw or throat, often just on the left side. cold sweat is a common symptom of
Like angina, it may worsen when they’re a heart attack, says Dr. Rob Grierson,
active and go away when they’re at rest. medical director of the Winnipeg Fire
“Often these patients are investigated by Paramedic Service: “If you’re having
ear, nose and throat doctors and other some sort of discomfort and think it’s
specialists,” says Mehta. “In fact, this is heartburn or a pulled muscle, and
the way the brain is perceiving that the then all of a sudden, for no reason, you
heart is not getting enough blood.” become sweaty, that’s a real red flag.”

INDIGESTION The sweating, which is triggered by
the sympathetic nervous system, can
Heart attack symptoms are sometimes be profuse and isn’t linked to any
described as a burning feeling in the physical exertion.

70 march 2020

SHORTNESS OF BREATH WHAT TO DO

If your heart is having difficulty deliv- Think you could be having
ering oxygen, it can cause breathless- a heart attack? Don’t try to
ness, especially when you’re physically assess yourself. Even if
active. It’s more likely to be a sign of you’ve had a heart attack
heart trouble if it’s unusual for you, before, the next one may feel
says Yip: “If you can normally run 10 different. “You cannot make
kilometres without shortness of breath, a diagnosis from symptoms
and all of a sudden you can’t run five, alone,” warns Dr. Sharon
that’s different from someone who Mulvagh, co-director of the
doesn’t ever run.” Women’s Heart Health Clinic
in Halifax. An ECG and blood
FATIGUE test will be required to help
explain what’s going on.
We all feel tired from time to time if
we’re sleep deprived or overworked. Call 911. Don’t drive to the
But the fatigue linked to a heart attack hospital, as this could delay
tends to consume you. “People with essential treatment.
this symptom say it’s an overwhelming
fatigue or weakness that comes out of Follow the emergency
the blue,” says Grierson. Exhaustion is dispatcher’s directions.
less likely to be caused by a heart attack You may be asked to take
if it’s not accompanied by any other an Aspirin, for example.
symptoms, like shortness of breath.
Rest in a comfortable
But if you’re tiring too easily during position while you wait
exertion—in one survey, some patients for help.
said that in the weeks prior to their heart
attack, they couldn’t even make a bed Speak up for yourself.
without feeling exhausted—it could be “Even if a test is normal, if
one of the earliest signs of trouble. you’re continuing to have
symptoms, it’s important
NAUSEA AND VOMITING to communicate that. Not
every test is perfect,” says
Many people are surprised to learn that Mulvagh. “If the doctor
a heart attack can make you feel sick to doesn’t listen, find some-
your stomach. Some people throw up body who does.”
constantly while they’re having a heart
attack. But, says Grierson, it’s another rd.ca 71
one of those symptoms that can be con-
fused with other causes: “You could

reader’s digest

have someone with the flu coming into occasionally skipping a beat, as long as
the ER feeling crummy and nauseated.” you’re not having other signs of a heart
In many cases, a physician can only attack. “If it’s dangerous, generally the
tell the difference with testing, so it’s person’s going to have some other
important to push for an assessment. symptoms,” says Grierson. Also, when
heart palpitations are linked to a heart
ANXIETY attack, they tend to be ongoing.

Fear, panic or a sense of impending Your pulse could also feel like it’s
doom can actually be a symptom of racing. A resting heart rate (RHR) is
a heart attack. You’re likely subcon- considered to be normal if it’s between
sciously sensing changes inside your 60 and 100, depending on the individ-
body, as the sympathetic nervous sys- ual. (Factors like extreme emotions,
tem is activated and things like blood hot temperatures and athletic fitness
pressure and heart rate are affected. can affect the rate.) But a 2019 paper in
A real panic attack usually passes in Open Heart reported that in middle-
about 20 minutes, says Mulvagh. “With aged men, an RHR of 75 or more indi-
a heart attack, that impending-doom cated a greater risk of heart disease.
sensation sticks around.” Narraway’s RHR was over 110 when
she first noticed it. “My heart was just
LIGHT-HEADEDNESS pounding,” she recalls.

If your blood vessels dilate in response since her quadruple bypass surgery,
to a heart problem, it can cause your Narraway has developed additional
blood pressure to drop. Similarly, if blockages in vessels too small to fix with
a damaged heart is having difficulty another procedure. She takes medica-
pumping blood, you may have tions to slow her heart disease but
decreased oxygen to your brain. It’s wishes she had started treatment ear-
unlikely that your only symptom of a lier. “I was angry that it took so long for
heart attack is dizziness or light- the pieces to be put together,” she says.
headedness, but this could be part of the “I might have had a different outcome
bigger picture. When the Heart and if it had been caught. Maybe I could
Stroke Foundation reported in 2018 that have had stents put in, started lifestyle
78 per cent of women didn’t recognize changes and medication earlier and
early subtle symptoms of an impending not had the same extent of damage.”
heart attack, dizziness was among them.
Narraway has advice for people hav-
HEART PALPITATIONS ing unusual symptoms: “Trust yourself
and your body—be persistent and find
Most of the time, there’s nothing to be somebody who will help you.”
concerned about if you feel your heart

72 march 2020



reader’s digest

HEART

“Would
You Like
a Cup of
Tea?”

During a hike along Newfoundland’s

East Coast Trail, I learned the value of

small acts of kindness

BY Jennifer Knoch FROM THE GLOBE AND MAIL

illustration by jonathan dyck

rd.ca 75

reader’s digest

the year i turned 30, my friend Erin and of trails stitched between commun-
I decided to hike part of Newfound- ities along the province’s eastern side.
land’s East Coast Trail—215 kilometres You end up pounding a considerable
between Cappahayden and St. John’s. amount of pavement, too. On our sec-
We’d been dazzled by Wild, Cheryl ond day, as we emerged from one trail
Strayed’s memoir of her 1,770-kilometre looking like cats left in the rain, a
solo hike on the Pacific Crest Trail. woman and her parents making their
way from car to house caught sight of
Neither of us had gone on a hiking us and took pity. “Would you like to
trip longer than five days and now we come in for a cup of tea?” Jenny asked.
were in for 14, but we were excited.
Nature! Strength! Perseverance! Char- A brief respite from the weather, a
acter! Our hike would end up giving warm beverage heated over something
me all of those things in cruel abun- other than our wobbly camp stove,
dance, but there was one take-home chairs to sit on—it was all too good to
I didn’t anticipate: proof of the aston- pass up. We hurried to the cottage,
ishing kindness of strangers. where we stripped off as much soaking
gear as possible, so as not to defile
as a shy woman schooled in the perils their lovely home. We talked about
of stranger danger, I’m not one to open the hike, where we were from and
up to people I don’t know. In Toronto learned more about our hosts—Jenny,
I don’t chit-chat with my seatmate on an expat-Ontarian, and her parents,
the subway or in a grocery line, and I who’d come to visit. Tea turned into
certainly don’t ask for help unless I’m an offer of a shower. The hot shower
desperate. But on this hike I had to turned into an offer of a hearty brunch:
learn new ways to cope. bacon, eggs, coffee and great conver-
sation about canoe trips and other
Over our first two days we covered outdoor adventures.
less than 30 kilometres, most of it in
the rain. What had been a gentle mist After brunch, rocks were heated in
when we started evolved into a down- the oven to dry out our boots and our
pour by the second day. Nothing dried sodden clothes got a warm tumble in
overnight, everything was sodden. The the dryer. But the rain still sheeted
trails were rugged, with muddy patches down. Soon enough, it was happy hour:
so deep that stepping in the wrong place Jenny made gin and tonics, and we
meant mud to mid-calf—which is to say lounged on couches, listening to the
over and into your boots. We squelched CBC, flipping through books and
with every step. speaking casually. I have been in less
relaxed environments with people I’ve
The East Coast Trail isn’t one unin- known for years.
terrupted wilderness trek but a series

76 march 2020

When the rain didn’t relent and calls octogenarian drove us to his house
to the woman in town who rented a for water. Another woman gave us a
spare room went unanswered, we were lift between trailheads. (At home in
encouraged to stay. “Surely you can’t Ontario, I’d never dream of hitchhik-
go back out in that and camp,” they ing, but here I welcomed the rides.) At
said. “You’ll be soaked again in no the end of our hike we met Bob Angel
time.” And so Erin and I enjoyed a (his real name!), who took our trium-
beautiful dinner, too, with food from phant photo and drove us the few kilo-
the market in St. John’s, before retiring metres back to St. John’s, which would
to twin beds. That night I had no night- have been an unappealing bonus hike.
mares of our tent being blown off a
cliff. That night I slept soundly. Back in civilization, we texted Jenny
telling her we’d made it—maybe
OF ALL THE SIGHTS because of her. The hardest hiking days
OF THE TRIP, I had come after we’d met her, when the
trails were in the worst shape, and
REMEMBERED JENNY’S when the finish line was unfathomably
COTTAGE AS THE far off. What if we’d not had a chance
MOST BEAUTIFUL. to rest, to dry out, to refuel with real
food? What if we hadn’t been reminded
The next morning Jenny made us of human goodness?
breakfast, packed us plums and oat-
meal for the road, then drove us through We’d wanted to immerse ourselves
town. We said a fond goodbye and in nature, and when the fog of exhaus-
tackled the next 23 kilometres of hilly tion and discomfort occasionally
terrain with new energy—it was one of cleared (and the actual fog, too), we
our most challenging segments of the savoured it. But of all the sights of the
trip. As we hiked through evergreens trip, I remember that warm glow inside
so thick we couldn’t see the ground at Jenny’s cottage as the most beautiful.
our feet, we rehashed details of the day
before, trying to hang onto our good I knew the trip would change me: I’d
fortune just a little longer. get tougher, and I’d have new faith in
myself. But I didn’t expect this trek to
we’d encounter more generosity on teach me about kindness, about gen-
the trip. A family let us camp in their erosity; to help me break down that
field and use their showers. A taciturn city-bred barrier of distrust toward
strangers. Turns out I needed to travel
to a remote place to remind myself of
the beauty of human connection.

FROM “EAST COAST TRAIL,” BY JENNIFER KNOCH, THE
GLOBE AND MAIL (JUNE 19, 2018), THEGLOBEANDMAIL.COM

rd.ca 77

SOCIETY

SiTmhpele Truth
About

reader’s digest

Kristina,
Kaitlyn, Sam

and Rob
McKinnon

More Canadians are waiting until their 40s or later
to have kids—and discovering that the joys

outweigh the risks, costs and perpetual exhaustion

BY Katrina Onstad FROM CHATEL AINE

photograph by jimmy jeong

rd.ca 79

reader’s digest

K ristina McKinnon met was in the right headspace. “Was I
her husband, Rob, when being selfish, or do we still have time,
she was 29 and he was energy and love?”
31. In their mid-30s, they
started new jobs: Rob as The answers were no and yes, yes
a police officer, Kristina in administra- and yes. Just before her 50th birthday,
tion at the University of Victoria. For the McKinnon had an embryo transferred
next five years, she tried to get pregnant, and became pregnant. Like many older
without success. It was a hard time. In moms, she developed gestational dia-
every direction, Kristina saw children; betes, and she worried about the strain
they seemed to be multiplying, clog- on her body. During delivery, she said
ging streets and grocery store aisles. to herself: “Please don’t die on this
table. You have to make it through for
At 40, McKinnon went to a fertility this baby.”
clinic, where the doctor told her, “You
have to get on this right away.” Three She did. Her daughter Sam arrived
rounds of IVF came next—needles and in June 2017, a few weeks before
hormones and mood swings. The trans- McKinnon’s 51st birthday. McKinnon
fer of each embryo was followed by the is bone-tired, shuttling two kids, ages
agony of waiting two weeks for results. six and two, between activities and child
Then the call: not pregnant. care while working three days a week.
The $50,000 cost of IVF on their line of
A friend knew what they were going credit means she and her husband are
through and offered to donate her eggs. indefinitely postponing the home they
Rob’s sperm and the donated eggs wanted to build. “To be honest,” she
added up to five embryos, two of which admits, “there are days when we say,
were transferred to McKinnon, who ‘Oh my God—we’re crazy.’”
was 45 years old by that point. She got
pregnant and gave birth to her daugh- But she’s laughing as she says this,
ter, Kaitlyn. “A perfect baby,” she says. and being honest about the downsides
“Slept through the night right away.” isn’t the same as regret—is it? “No!
Being a mom is sheer, absolute joy,”
Four years later, McKinnon would says McKinnon. “We experience every-
drive by the clinic that housed her two thing brand new. Here we are, getting
frozen embryos, from the same batch to do this. It’s unbelievable.”
as Kaitlyn, on her way to work: “I could
hear them calling,” she says. IN 2016, THE AVERAGE AGE of Canadian
mothers at childbirth, taking all births
The doctors at the clinic McKinnon into account, hit 30.8 years, the oldest
went to wouldn’t transfer an embryo age on record in this country. For the
after age 50, so she had to make a deci- first time, birth rates are higher for
sion. McKinnon didn’t know if she

80 march 2020

women in their late 30s than in their agency over their reproduction half a
early 20s. In 2010, another seismic century ago, maternal age has been
demographic shift occurred: over-40 rising incrementally in developed
pregnancies became more common countries around the world. Assisted
than teenage ones. reproductive technology allows us
even more control over our biology,
Because the vast majority of women including the time of life at which we
having kids in their 40s and 50s require become mothers.
some form of assisted reproductive
technology to become mothers, this cul- For women who seize the opportun-
tural swing to older parenting has raised ity afforded them by this moment in
alarm bells about an attack on the nat- history and become later-life mothers,
ural order in some religious and con- the challenges are many, including the
servative circles. Older parenting does aforementioned exhaustion and play-
seem supernatural somehow; it undoes ground side-eye (“Are you so-and-so’s
chronology and has the potential to grandma?” is the dreaded question).
rearrange society. Last year, an Amer- But older moms also project a very
ican psychologist warned a conference specific kind of joy.
at the American Society for Reproduct-
ive Medicine that people who have HAVING KIDS WHEN
children in their 50s and 60s will “trau- YOU’RE OLDER OFTEN
matize” their kids. Too early in life, said
the psychologist, these children will MEANS AVOIDING
become caregivers and invariably face FINANCIAL STRAIN
the monumental loss of a parent. AND INSTABILITY.

But the several Canadian parents Karen Kaffko, a clinical psychologist
who delayed parenting that I spoke to and professor at York University in
don’t seem like emissaries from a cold Toronto who has worked with women
sci-fi future; their reasons for becom- going through fertility treatments, finds
ing parents later have arisen from the the anxiety of making multiple attempts
everyday realities in which they live. at conception is later mitigated by
Women delay childbirth because they thoughtfulness and delight. “They have
haven’t found a partner, or they’re try- a kind of mindful appreciation of every
ing to get established professionally in moment of their young child’s life,” she
order to afford a kid, or they haven’t says. Parenting is regarded as a gift—
made up their minds yet. That last one and often a hard-earned one.
is about choice, which is what femin-
ism gave us, along with birth control.
Since birth control allowed women

rd.ca 81

reader’s digest

Parents who have their kids after age husband, Mark, considered IVF, but it
34 display higher levels of happiness was too expensive, and adoption felt
than those who have their kids earlier. right. A week after they were approved
This is likely because having kids when to adopt, when the nursery had been
you’re older often means avoiding the painted pink in the hopes of a girl, Bruce
stressors that make parenting hard, found out she was pregnant. One of the
namely financial strain and instability. first calls she made was to the adop-
tion agency, to regretfully back out.
As they move from aberration to a
new normal, older mothers are rein- A woman who has a child past age
venting the very institution of mother- 40 has a slightly higher risk of having
hood—maybe even improving it, which a medically complicated pregnancy,
raises the question: are older women contending with issues like high blood
better at motherhood? pressure, diabetes and early labour,
usually culminating in a C-section.
ONE OFFSHOOT OF And babies born to older mothers may
DELAYED PARENTING have an increased chance of develop-
ing birth defects, especially Down’s syn-
IS THE SO-CALLED drome. Early on, Bruce was apprised
“GRANDPARENT of the health risks posed for her child,
DEFICIT.” but it wasn’t a deterrent. “I didn’t care
about what kind of baby I was going to
ELIZABETH BRUCE and her 10-year-old get. My feeling is that God gives you
son, Graham, live in an apartment in what you can handle. We were going
the west end of Toronto, where the bal- to figure it out.”
cony overlooks a tangled ravine. Bruce,
whose air of no-fools-suffered efficiency After 12 hours of induced labour,
is offset by a head of playful, fiery-red Graham was delivered with forceps. She
hair, works from home one day a week had just turned 41. Asked to describe
rather than at her downtown office, her son, she lights up: “He’s smart.
where she’s the national manager of He’s athletic. He’s very kind. He’s very
hospitality services at RBC. shy. He’s—everything.”

She waited to have a kid because her When Graham was 18 months old,
mother always told her and her sisters: Bruce and her husband split up. Gra-
fly. Have a life. Don’t rush. But when ham has a good relationship with his
she turned 38, she tried to conceive and dad, who remarried and has since had
miscarried three times. She and her another son, but Bruce is the primary
parent. As an older mom, she can’t rely
on grandparent support the way her
siblings could when they had their

82 march 2020

kids two decades ago. Now in their 80s, Late at night, she worries about how
Bruce’s parents are—knock on wood she’ll be in her mid-60s, when Graham
(she does)—relatively healthy. But her graduates from university. She works
mother could sled and play road hockey hard to stay healthy. “I have a huge
with her first grandkids, and she phys- amount of anxiety over something hap-
ically can’t with Graham. One offshoot pening to me,” she says, tears rising in
of delayed parenting is the fact that her eyes. “So I’m going to live to 90.
grandparents are often absent, either That’s the only solution.”
dead or physically limited, a phenom-
enon one Time columnist bemoaned MOTHERHOOD IS a shape-shifter, a
as “the grandparent deficit.” construct that reflects and refracts its
era and milieu. Today, our lifespans
KIDS OF OLDER are longer, so we’re young longer and
PARENTS ARE LESS we live—and mother—like we’re
LIKELY TO DROP OUT younger, too. The boomers decided
OF HIGH SCHOOL AND not to age, and the mentality stuck:
MAY EVEN BE TALLER. youth won. Readily available hair dye
and injections make middle age
Bruce has compensated for the gaps harder to identify. Age levelling con-
in her own reality—no partner, less tinues with technology, where infor-
hands-on grandparenting—by leaning mation and cultural references travel
on her sister and brother-in-law and back and forth across generational
teaming up with a couple of older single lines; social media ushers experiences
moms she met through Little League. out of silos for sharing. We probably
They share meals and driving duties and know more about our parents’ lives,
commiserate about the kids, who all both inner and outer, than they knew
hang out. They even vacation together. about their parents’ lives.

Despite a face that looks more than Tim Pychyl, a professor of psychol-
a decade younger than 51, Bruce does ogy at Carleton University in Ottawa,
get The Question: “Oh, is he your son?” calls himself a “Dinosaur Dad” because
“He’s mixed race, so I don’t know at age 64, he has a 14- and a 12-year-
sometimes whether they’re asking if old. (His academic area of expertise:
he’s biologically my child or if I’m his procrastination.)
grandmother,” she says. “But I cut it off.
Like, ‘Nope, I’m his mom.’” “It changes what aging means if you
engage in the life tasks of the young,” he
says over the phone, having just made
pancakes and dropped his eldest off at
school. “When you’re in your 60s, it’s

rd.ca 83

reader’s digest

often the time to be winding down, dis- is used to guarantee security when the
connecting from the multi-tasking rou- system doesn’t.
tines of parenting and employment.
But I’m deeply engaged in the life tasks Older moms may be happier, but
of a fortysomething. Psychologically, what about their children? Children
I’m younger.” born to older parents are more likely
to have a favourable home environ-
But, of course, no matter how young ment, with economic and emotional
a potential parent behaves, biology is a stability, and more likely to exhibit
fact and fertility is limited. The prob- high levels of self-sufficiency in adult-
lem for women is that the optimal hood. One study of 1.5 million Swedes
time to procreate collides with the concluded that children of older par-
optimal time to get an education and ents are less likely to drop out of high
to build a career. school and tend to perform better on
standardized tests than their older
Considering the realities of having siblings. They may even—and this is
kids today, delaying parenthood is a odd—be taller than the children of
pragmatic move. Political bluster about younger parents.
universal child care tends to disappear
after elections, and in overpriced cities I think of all these findings when
and uncertain economies, the cost of I’m at Elizabeth’s apartment and Gra-
raising a kid (on average, some $260,000 ham comes in after school. Shyly, he
from birth to age 18 in Canada) requires listens a bit while his mother and I
economic stability. talk, dangling a ribbon above his cat,
Molly. I ask him what his mom is like,
Elizabeth Gregory, director of the and he smiles: “Crazy. She laughs a lot!”
women’s, gender and sexuality program He lists fun things they do together—
at the University of Houston, writes in watching movies, vacationing in Cuba,
her 2012 book Ready: Why Women Are hanging out.
Embracing the New Later Motherhood
that women who become moms later I tell him we had been talking about
earn higher salaries than women of the his mother being older. “Yeah, some of
same age who had their children ear- the other moms are younger,” he says
lier. In effect, older moms often avoid thoughtfully. Does it matter? I ask him.
the “wage penalty” of young mother- “No,” he says, looking at me like it’s a
hood. Being settled before having kids really weird question.

Slam Dunk

I believe if you are very, very well-prepared, things will work out.

MASAI UJIRI, RAPTORS PRESIDENT

84 march 2020

LAUGHTER don’t notice when you
replace words with ran-
the Best Medicine dom instruments.

Dream Big I wish I were better at — @PEACHESANSCREAM
A girl in the coffee making salad. I want
shop I’m working in to be master of my Cowboy: This town ain’t
just said to her friend, own romaine. big enough for the both
“Imagine a hot veggie of us.
smoothie,” and I’m — @CURLYCOMEDY City Planner: No, this is
wondering how to just the mock-up. The
break it to her that Is there rehab for gos- actual town will be
soup exists. siping? I don’t need it, much bigger.
but I’ll tell you who
— @DAYNAMCALPINE_ does.... — @THEANDREWNADEAU
— JEN STATSKY, writer
Communication Is Key Winter is just me asking
Any time I update Me: What makes you my body, “Hey, are you
my phone or computer, angry? sick?” and my body
it feels like we’re on a Pirate: When someone answering, “Maybe!”
couples’ retreat and steals my p.
have to relearn how to — @JPBRAMMER
love each other again. — @TWEETPOTATO314
Send us your original
— APARNA NANCHERLA, Accordion to research, jokes! You could earn $50
nine out of 10 people and be featured in the
comedian magazine. See page 10
or rd.ca/joke for details.

THE BEST JOKE I EVER TOLD

By Cassie Cao

It was a dark day when Canada discontinued
the penny. That was the day the cost of
wishes went up 500 per cent.

In 2019, Cassie Cao was selected to be part of Just
for Laughs’ New Faces: Canada showcase. Find her
online at @thecassiecao and www.cassiecao.com.

rd.ca 85

reader’s digest

LIFE LESSON

RoA ck
PlHacaerdin a
BY Erica Lenti

illustration
by gracia lam

Solid advice to support someone with depression

SHORTLY AFTER THEIR honeymoon in her curled up and cowering in the cor-
2001, Christian Bouvet felt something ner of their apartment.
was amiss with his wife, Myreille. When
the pair had been back at their home in “I couldn’t understand why she felt
Montreal for a couple months, Myreille, bad when there was no obvious cause
who works as an artist and in communi- for it and our life was going so nicely,”
cations, had become distant and the 52-year-old remembers. Knowing
more emotional than usual. She cried little about mental health challenges,
often; once, Christian came home to he tried to remain calm and assured by
his wife’s side, but he felt at a loss for

rd.ca 87

reader’s digest

how to help her. “I had hoped she avoidance), physical (body aches and
would get through it herself,” he says. headaches), cognitive (feelings of failure
or guilt, and suicidal thoughts) and
A psychiatrist eventually prescribed emotional (sadness and anxiety).
some medication for Myreille, which
was intended to improve the then-44- Muller recommends keeping an eye
year-old’s condition within weeks. But on changes in a loved one’s demean-
three months passed, and her depres- our. They may be depressed if they’re
sion worsened. She began losing hope usually outdoorsy and extroverted but
that she could feel better. Bouvet says start spending more time cooped up at
she stopped going out, opting instead home, and rarely return calls or texts.
to sit alone at home. Eventually she Muller suggests approaching initial
was hospitalized. Bouvet struggled conversations by telling the depressed
to stay positive and was unsure how to person that you care about them and
navigate the situation. have noticed changes in their moods
and behaviours. An open and honest
Given that about one in six Canadi- dialogue, he says, is often the first step
ans will seek help for depression toward treatment.
during their lifetime, a large number
of us will at some point be in a position Start With Compassion
to offer support. Here are some tips on
how to do that effectively. According to Bart Campbell, an educa-
tor for mental health and wellness
Recognize and Name It at the Mood Disorders Association of
Ontario, people suffering from depres-
Depression is so ubiquitous, says sion often feel their condition isn’t
Toronto professor of clinical psychol- taken seriously. Some might think, for
ogy Robert T. Muller, that it’s some- instance, that their loved one just needs
times referred to by professionals in to get out of bed to feel better.
his field as “the common cold of men-
tal illnesses.” Despite this fact, it’s not Instead, Campbell says, it can help to
always recognized by sufferers or their reinforce that you understand depres-
family and friends. sion is an illness and not something
they can choose to overcome. “You
Part of the difficulty is the multi- wouldn’t tell someone with a broken
faceted nature of the condition. “It’s leg to just get up,” he says.
a diagnosis that has so many causes,”
Muller says. “And it shows differently When attempting to provide ongo-
in everyone.” ing support, Campbell recommends
beginning with open-ended questions:
In fact, signs of depression can man- what are you feeling today? In what
ifest from four areas of an individual’s ways can I help you right now?
health: behavioural (self-isolation and

88 march 2020

And even if you have been through If caregivers can’t make it to a support
depression, it’s best not to make any group, Campbell recommends making
assumptions. “When we personalize time for pleasant activities that bring
the disorder—when we assume we relief from the emotional labour. “You
know what they’re going through based can’t always be on,” Campbell says. “It’s
on our own experiences—we lose the important to take time to refuel.”
opportunity to learn their experience.”
Mehler Paperny knows first-hand
Anna Mehler Paperny, whose strug- that it can be difficult to be around
gles with depression are described in someone with depression, and some-
her memoir, Hello I Want to Die Please times space is necessary. But she says
Fix Me, says the best support can some- help can come in small ways—a short
times be practical: calling in the morn- phone call or even sending a text mes-
ing to make sure they’re awake for sage to check in can make a difference.
work, going on a half-hour walk with “Being a presence in a depressed per-
them every day or picking up some son’s life can help them feel loved and
groceries for them. “If you’re noticing wanted,” she says.
someone having trouble with basic
aspects of life,” she says, “offering help Muller adds that it’s most important
in a natural way can feel life-changing.” that you avoid becoming a stand-in psy-
chologist. While it’s crucial to listen and
Take Care of Yourself express affection, he advises that trying
to mimic therapy without actually hav-
The stress of caring for someone with ing training often ends in frustration.
depression can take a toll on your own Instead, encourage your loved one to
health—and depressed people some- see a professional, and do so regularly.
times act out and become angry with
their caregivers. That’s why Campbell With her doctor’s help, Myreille
says it’s important to take time to set recovered from her post-honeymoon
boundaries and seek your own support. depression, which, it turns out, was
caused by a severe chemical imbal-
The Mood Disorders Society of Can- ance. Then, a year and a half ago, she
ada and the Canadian Mental Health relapsed after nearly 15 years of man-
Association offer recovery groups aging her depression. Bouvet found
across Canada, where sufferers and comfort in the knowledge he’d gained
their relatives can work together. In of how to navigate his wife’s depres-
these groups, those with depression sion in the medical system. And this
and their support network are edu- time, he also surrounded himself with
cated about how to manage a mood friends and family for his own support.
disorder and build plans to cope with “You have to know that you can’t get
the illness in the future. through it alone,” he says.

rd.ca 89

ENVIRONMENT

Three months on the tail of the
Thunder, one of the most notorious

illegal fishing vessels in the world

HUNTING
A N TA R C T I C A’ S

P I R AT E S

STORY AND PHOTOGRAPHS BY Simon Ager FROM MAPTIA

90 march 2020

reader’s digest

The Thunder
disappearing into the
Antarctic ice and mist.

reader’s digest

The crow’s-nest watches onboard the the car-sized remnants of broken-up
Bob Barker began on December 15, icebergs. These chunks, which showed
2014, a couple of weeks after setting up as hundreds of blips on our radar
course for Antarctica from Hobart, screen, made it difficult to spot a vessel.
Australia. This was neither a pleasure But then we saw a trail heading in the
cruise to see penguins, seals and ice- opposite direction as everything else on
bergs, nor a scientific field trip to study the radar, about five kilometres dead
wildlife in the southern hemisphere’s ahead of our position. The Bob Barker
most pristine waters. We were on a moved closer, and the fog lifted long
mission to find the Thunder, one of the enough for us to see a ship emerge
world’s most notorious illegal fishing from behind an iceberg. I grabbed my
vessels. Deckhands in survival suits camera and started shooting. Peering
and climbing harnesses were soon through the preview screen, I scrolled
working shifts from up high, scanning to the ship’s bow. It was the Thunder.
the horizon for signs of that ship.
Our pursuit was part of Operation
The Bob Barker, a long-range ice- Icefish, led by the marine conservation
class vessel 51 metres in length and group Sea Shepherd. Made up mostly of
capable of a swift 18 knots in calm con- volunteers, the organization investigates
ditions, meandered for days through poaching and intervenes against illegal
fog and fjords choked with growlers, activities that exploit marine wildlife. It
used to act alone, but now many of the
campaigns involve agreements with
governments to assist in patrolling
their waters, as is the case in Africa,
with military and fisheries officers from
countries such as Gabon and Liberia
onboard. During Operation Icefish, Sea
Shepherd worked alongside Interpol.

While the operation’s overall goal
was to collect evidence from and arrest
the crews of six illegal fishing vessels—
the “Bandit Six”—which for years had
plundered the Southern Ocean, our
target was the Thunder. The most pro-
lific of that lot, it was crewed by a
Chilean captain, Spanish officers and
Indonesian deckhands, and was
owned and run by the Spanish crime

92 march 2020

syndicate Vidal Armadores, which had fillets costs upwards of $100 in Canada,
raked in more than $76 million in ille- giving toothfish the moniker “white
gal catches since the vessel was black- gold.” In 2006, the Thunder was prohib-
listed in 2006. Our hunt, from the Bob ited from fishing in Antarctic waters by
Barker and another ship, the Sam the Commission for the Conservation
Simon, would stretch over 110 days, of Antarctic Marine Living Resources
starting in Antarctica, home to the (CCAMLR) after deploying illegal nets
Thunder’s primary catch. to fish for Patagonian toothfish. Her
officers ignored the ban.
Antarctic and Patagonian toothfish
thrive in the coldest waters on earth, i was travelling as a crew member and
where they live for up to 50 years, grow- ship photographer, having joined Sea
ing to two metres in length and weigh- Shepherd in 2009 for one year, which
ing up to 100 kilograms. As Atlantic cod would stretch to 10 years, 25 cam-
stocks dwindled in the late 1980s and paigns and counting. Today, I split my
’90s, demand for toothfish exploded. time between facilitating ecotourism
With flaky, white flesh and a high oil in British Columbia and one or two
content, toothfish are nearly impossible campaigns a year with Sea Shepherd.
to overcook, making them sought after Captain Peter Hammarstedt led our
by restaurants and markets globally. expedition. A tall and slim 30-year-old
Sold as Chilean sea bass, one kilo of

The Thunder’s crew reels in
their illegal fishing nets.

reader’s digest

with a calm-under-fire persona, he’s circling radiant blue icebergs and
sailed with the group since he was 18. observing the wildlife instead of pur-
suing the Thunder.
After the initial pursuit through the
growlers, the Thunder turned and led On December 19, 2014, after three
us into thicker and thicker ice, leaving days of chasing the Thunder, we left Ant-
a gillnet and orange buoys in her wake. arctica behind. Pushing north toward
CCAMLR has forbidden gillnets for warmer latitudes, we eventually saw
fishing in Antarctica since 2004 (else- the edge of the ice on the horizon.
where, it is up to individual countries That’s where the Thunder broke free of
to enact local bans), partly because of us, steering a northwesterly course and
the incidental catch of seabirds and going as hard as she could. The Bob
marine mammals, and partly because Barker followed.
lost or abandoned gillnets become
“ghost nets” that continue to kill. With the thunder led us into swells that
the Bob Barker giving chase, the would see the Bob Barker roll some
coordinates for the illegal fishing gear 40 degrees either way, the bow rising
were passed on to the Sam Simon, skyward before dropping hard. As the
which wasn’t far behind. waves came crashing, the view from
the lower-deck portholes reminded
STORMING TOWARDS me of the inside of a giant washing
US, THE THUNDER’S machine. Anything that wasn’t tied
CAPTAIN SCREAMED down pounded the walls and floors.
OVER THE RADIO, “YOU
HAVE DECLARED WAR!” We left the storm behind and con-
tinued northwest, with our ultimate
The pack ice creaked and groaned as destination a mystery. Killing hours on
we forced our way through it, heading the bridge watch meant taking head-
north and keeping the Thunder on our ings from the Thunder to South Africa,
bow. We charged forth like this for Madagascar and Mozambique—and
days, following, losing track of and try- throwing out wild guesses as to where
ing to catch our target. At times, whales the Thunder was going, when we might
surrounded our ship and leopard seals intercept her and what would play out
and penguins stared at us. The sun when we did. However, as she was
barely kissed the horizon before rising changing course every few days, the
again in the endless daylight. We all guessing game became pointless, turn-
wished we could have spent more time ing instead into a test of mental and
physical endurance. We knew how
many days we could last, but the big
question was, how much fuel and

94 march 2020

The Bob Barker’s deck crew
uses grappling hooks in
order to retrieve buoys set
out by the Thunder.

other stores did the Thunder have Ignoring his warning that any
onboard? How long did they have left? attempt to fish would be met with
resistance, the Thunder began trailing
After almost 50 days on the Thun- out her lines and net. Eager for a moral
der’s stern, there was a flurry of move- victory, our deck team stood ready on
ment on the ship’s deck. We were about the bow as the Bob Barker positioned
1,600 kilometres directly south of Mad- herself along the buoys. Our grappling
agascar, in relatively calm seas, wear- hooks hit the water and, taking a firm
ing T-shirts and shorts instead of sur- hold of the lines, we began heaving the
vival suits. Fishing lines and nets were illegal gear onboard.
being made ready, and so we picked
up speed, racing ahead in an attempt The Thunder turned 180 degrees and
to block the ship’s path. But the Thun- began storming toward us at full speed.
der stubbornly maintained her course, Her Chilean captain screamed over the
missing us with mere metres to spare. radio: “You have declared war! We are
We had failed in our attempt to stop coming to take back our buoys!” But
the Thunder from fishing. The follow- with the net onboard, we turned tail.
ing day was a different story. The Thunder first attempted to chase
us down, but turned and resumed
The next morning, we could see heading for the African continent.
through binoculars that fishing gear was
again being readied for deployment. We eventually rounded the Cape of
Captain Hammarstedt radioed over to Good Hope and the Gulf of Guinea,
the Thunder. “You are fishing illegally!” steering north into equatorial waters

rd.ca 95

reader’s digest

and sweltering heat. It was like floating ing food and water and towing lines to
around in a tin can broiling from the bring the rafts together. From the small
inside. At this point, we’d been at sea for boat, I got up close to the guys we had
well over three-and-a-half months, and been tailing for over 100 days. For the
the Thunder was still riding high in the most part, they seemed in good spirits.
water, sailing north. Surely we would
start heading in soon. With plenty of It was almost three hours before the
countries on the African coast, the captain and chief engineer finally dis-
guessing games began again. embarked to a life raft. Wearing dark
sunglasses, the captain was poker-
on april 6, 2015, off the coast of São faced, staring back at the Thunder.
Tomé, the quartermaster on watch Now it was a waiting game. How long
rushed into my cabin at 6:30 a.m. until she slipped beneath the waves?
“They’re abandoning ship!” he yelled.
IF THE THUNDER WENT
Outside, the Thunder’s crew scurried UNDER NOW THERE
around in life preservers, dropping WAS NO WAY WE
rafts into the water. Their captain’s WOULD BE ABLE TO
voice came over the radio: “Assistance FIND OUR WAY OUT.
required. We’re sinking.” But there was
no apparent sign of damage to the vessel Then came the order from the Bob
that might cause it to go down. It was Barker’s bridge: we were to board the
highly suspicious. Maybe she had run Thunder. Our second mate and chief
out of fuel. Or perhaps, realizing we engineer joined me on the small boat
were not going to let the ship get away for the short ride to the ship and its
with an illegal catch worth millions of waiting pilot ladder. My heart was
dollars after 110 days of chasing them, racing. We needed to look for evidence
they saw scuttling the Thunder and to take to the court, in this case in São
sending its evidence to the bottom of Tomé, the jurisdiction where the Thun-
the ocean, 3,800 metres below, as their der was sinking.
only possibility to avoid jail.
Captain Hammarstedt gave us
If we helped recover the crew of the 10 minutes to grab what we could.
Thunder, bringing them all aboard
the Bob Barker, we would have been It was surreal finding our way to the
seriously outnumbered. Instead, we bridge with the power off. The chief
waited for backup; the Sam Simon was engineer’s headlamp offered faint
inbound and would arrive in a few glimpses into the cabins as we went.
hours. In the meantime, we used our Glancing around the galley, we saw
small boat to assist the life rafts, offer-

96 march 2020

food and utensils strewn about, evi- sacks in up to a metre of water. Some
dence that there had been time for the ice still remained around the rim of the
crew to have breakfast before disem- hatch cover, but the fish hold had com-
barking. In the bridge, we turned the pletely thawed. Our second mate came
place upside down, recovering mobile through an outside companionway,
phones, computers and charts, lower- dragging a ladder with him so he could
ing it all into our boat. The Thunder join us. He grabbed one of the sacks; it
officers looked on, one shaking his weighed a ton, but we hauled it to the
head and putting it in his hands. deck and cut it open. It was toothfish.

“Your 10 minutes are up,” we heard We headed back to the Bob Barker.
on our radio. Meanwhile, the Sam Simon had
arrived and was picking up and detain-
But we needed more time. We knew ing the Thunder’s officers and crew.
we had to locate the “white gold” in the Waves were washing over the sinking
fish hold. Heading for the lower deck, ship’s stern deck. When it vanished,
I followed the chief engineer into com- her bow began to rise, foam and spray
plete darkness and down two flights of spewing from open hatches. Pointing
stairs. Opening a door leading to the skyward, she hung there for a moment.
engine room, we could see that it was Then she slipped into her grave.
flooded, the water almost to the ceil-
ing, frothing as it licked at the top of Operation Icefish, a collaboration
the stairwell. If the Thunder went between Sea Shepherd and the law-
under now, there was no way we enforcement agencies of numerous
would be able to find our way out. countries and authorities, took six
illegal vessels, including the Thunder,
We began a hasty exit back toward out of commission. The Thunder’s
the light. The floor was slick with fish Chilean captain and Spanish chief
oil. Moving forward, we found a large and second mechanics received jail
square hatch. While all the hatches in sentences and had to pay €15-million
other areas had been tied into an open in fines to São Tomé.
position, this one was firmly in place.
We slid it open. © 2019, SIMON AGER. FROM “IT TAKES A PIRATE TO
CATCH A PIRATE,” MAPTIA.COM
It was difficult to tell what was down
there; the headlamp revealed white

Meet Me Halfway

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.

ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON, WRITER

rd.ca 97

HUMOUR

Going IT’S MONDAY MORNING and you’re
Up? crammed into your office elevator
with Karl from the legal department,
Elevator conversation watching people get on and off. In this
starters to use if you’re moment, the only thing more unbear-
not a small-talk person able than having to wait to get to your
office on the 27th floor is knowing that,
BY Sophie Kohn at any second, Karl will turn to you and
remark that it’s cold outside, triggering
illustration by kyle metcalf the same boring conversation you’ve
already had 10 times this month. But
it doesn’t have to be this way. Use
these genius conversation starters to
keep your small talk riveting.

“So! Got any big plans for after
you die?”

This is an all-around solid opener. It’s
direct, yet casual; warm, yet bone-
chilling. The answer could easily take
a turn for the practical (wills and life
insurance) or the metaphysical (the

98 march 2020