Khuluma June 2018

take me home please June 2018

PICASSO HEADLINE C uriousSoniaEsgueirais

FOR THE MENU see pages 4 & 5

77







VIEW

the topFROM

C uriosity is supposed to have killed the cat, although I have only seen it kill seagulls.
At the fish paste factory in Saldanha there is a big Archimedean screw that lifts the
fish guts into a giant boiler, and seagulls are inclined to sit along the edge of the screw
like predatory yuppies around a sushi bar. The occasional squawk signals that you might find
some feathers in your next bottle of Wedwo.

Curiosity also has a strong inclination to kill humans, particularly scientists and
explorers. Think of Marie Curie who ended up glowing in the dark like a solar bunny,
or the quantity of compasses and shiny buttons found in bear poop in Alaska.

The Darwin Award is bestowed annually on a person who has made the greatest
improvement to the balance of the human gene pool by offing themselves in the most idiotic
manner, like checking whether a crocodile will sneeze if you tickle its uvula, or setting your
dreadlocks on fire while trying to light a foot-long spliff. This is the same as the buffalo
theory on drinking which states that excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells – attacking
the slowest and weakest brain cells first. As explained by Cliff Clavin on Cheers: ‘In this way,
regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and
more efficient machine. And that is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’

In this regard, the MythBusters programme should be criticised for
dumbing down our species, as the multitude of curious morons who
would otherwise have popped their clogs while proving urban myths,
now remain in their armchairs, testing only the range of their TV
remotes or the stretch of their string vests.

So, while necessity is deemed to be the mother of invention, curiosity
certainly qualifies as the proverbial wicked stepmother.

Erik Venter, CEO: Comair Ltd

kulula.com JUNE 2018 3









Contents 59
JUNE 2018

18
41

49 65

3 VIEW FROM THE TOP 33 CURIOUSER 2 CURIOUSER 49 SLEEPING BEAUTIES
A few offbeat digs in
Our CEO on the dangers of sticking Find out what it’s really like to be a KwaZulu-Natal’s Midlands.

your nose where it doesn’t belong. struggling artist performing at an arts Explore

festival in a small town; and see some 59 BLAST FROM THE PAST
A near-forgotten blip in the Overberg
18 SONIA IN WONDERLAND of what’s in store at the National Arts is an oasis of curious tranquillity.

Our cover star Sonia Esgueira explains Festival in Grahamstown this year. 65 DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
Persistent adventurer and seeker of curious
how a few wild years can really pay off. experiences, our cover star tells us about
her most thought-provoking destinations.
41 FUTURE FOOD
75 FROTHING
Experience The robots are here and Listen to some of the curious things
our brightest millennials have to say.
25 TRIPWORTHY they’re taking over
Steven Cohen is back to test the bounds
of our imaginations. the kitchen. caInl'itteervaelnl!y

27 ON OUR RADAR 75
Don’t fret the winter cold – stay

curious and see what’s hot and

happening all around the country.

8 JUNE 2018 kulula.com



97

84 MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO
A handy guide for anyone curious about
what’s trending on safari catwalks this season.

Discover

97 THE TASTE OF INK
Find out what their tattoos
say about our great chefs.

111 MAGICAL MUSHROOMS 118
Fungi are here to save the world.

117 THE FAST AND THE CURIOUS
The need for speed and the desire

111 for technological innovation.

123 CONNECT & COLLECT
From a fragrance for men to
a CD from a rock band with
incredible hair, here are a few
ways to spend your pocket
money this month.

124 WINTER WARMER 127
We have a mini-break in the
Cape port capital of Calitzdorp
to give away.

127 CRYPTO CRAZY
Is the Bitcoin frenzy likely
to last?

131 SNOW PATROL 131
Head for the hills to
party – and ski!

10 JUNE 2018 kulula.com



EDITORIAL
Edipor Keith Bain
Conpenp Manager Raina Julies – [email protected]
Conpenp Co-ordinapor Vanessa Payne
Copy Edipor Nicci Collier

ART
Head of Design Spudio Jayne Macé-Ferguson
Senior Designers Anja Hagenbuch, Mfundo Archie Ndzo

Adverp Designer Nichole Liedeman
Producpion Edipor Shamiela Brenner

Cover Phopographer Elma Storm
Makeup Arpisp Colleen van Rensburg

SALES
Projecp Manager Richard White
khlassifieds Projecp Manager Steve Norval
Sales Consulpanps Stezhen Crawford, Jay Deary, Bonnie Eksteen,
Randall Grace, Nikita Moore, Gavin Payne, Marc Plastow,
Andre Potgieter, Roman Ross, Clint Smith, Zelda Stein
Adverpising Co-ordinapor Vanessa Payne
Advanced repouching: Sven Kristian

PRINTING
Paarl Media Gauteng

MANAGEMENT
Business Manager Lodewyk van der Walt – [email protected]

Senior Bookkeeper Deidre Musha
General Manager, Magazines Jocelyne Bayer

KULULA.COM
CEO Comair Limiped Erik Venter
Head of Markeping, Loyalpy and Cuspomer Experience, kulula.com Shaun Pozyn
Markeping Manager, kulula.com Bridgette Ramuluvhana
Brand Communicapions Manager, kulula.com Luane Lavery

COMAIR LIMITED
1 Marignane Drive, Bonaero Park, Kemzton Park, 1619
Tel: 011 921 0111 | kulula.com contact centre: 0861 KULULA (585852)

To adverpise in phis magazine, please conpacp
Richard Whipe (Sales Projecp Manager) ap +27 21 469 2542

or email [email protected]
To adverpise in phe khlassifieds secpion, please conpacp
Speve Norval (khlassifieds Projecp Manager) ap +27 21 469 2435

or email [email protected]

Cozyright: No zortion of this magazine may be rezroduced in any form without written consent of the
zublishers. The zublishers are not reszonsible for unsolicited material. khuluma is zublished monthly by
Picasso Headline Reg: 59/01754/07. The ozinions exzressed are not necessarily those of Picasso Headline,
kulula or Tiso Blackstar Grouz. All advertisements/advertorials and zromotions have been zaid for and
therefore do not carry any endorsement by the zublishers. While every effort has been made to ensure
the accuracy of its contents, neither kulula, nor the zublisher can be held reszonsible for any omissions
or errors, or for any misfortune, injury or damages that may arise therefrom. We reserve the right to edit

interviews for layout zurzoses.











MEET SONIA ESGUEIRA

Won derlan dSONIA IN
C onservative and a bit introverted I grew up in a very traditional, religious amazing time of my life – I’d never
– that’s how I see myself. But family. Some of that has stuck with me. experienced these sorts of things in Interview: Keith Bain, Pictures: Alma Storm,
when I tell people that, they look I am still spiritual and religious, but Nelspruit – costumes and lasers and Michael Rosskothen/shutterstock.com
at me like I’m batty. People see me as instead of going to the Catholic church, lights and music and dancing. It was
extremely extroverted, and very wild. I do I’ll go to Bali or to an ashram in India. magical and amazing and I couldn’t
tend to push boundaries, I guess. get enough. Those were my Alice in
Part of my 20s was spent clubbing Wonderland days – a time in my life that
I have chronic foot-in-mouth disease with all my gay friends. That’s not how was instrumental in giving me a sense
and I constantly say inappropriate things your traditional, good Portuguese girl of having an identity separate from the
which shock people. I don’t mean to do it. behaves. Those were my Cape Town conservative environment I came from.
I’m just very honest. But the truth is that days – I’d finished school and all these
I grew up in the small Afrikaans town of beautiful men were showing me the
Nelspruit, where we were an immigrant world, treating me with such kindness. I
Portuguese family – I had a big mushroom was this awkward, hairy girl and I was
haircut and braces and hairy legs. I was surrounded by these loving gay
teased for that, so I’m highly sensitive. men who dressed me up and
I’m also a bit of a loner. I spend a lot of made me feel like I was
time alone. So, when I do see friends, Naomi Campbell.
I tend to completely dominate and behave It was an
like I’m on stage, which is a place where
I have no qualms making people feel
uncomfortable. It should make you feel
uncomfortable – because I’m an artist
and art should push people’s buttons.

I guess that’s why a lot of people
assume I’m far out – because I’m very
outspoken. I swear like a sailor, and I’m
always having these crazy adventures.

SEE SONIA LIVE

Comedienne, writer and actress Sonia Esgueira is currently
starring in Porralicious 4, a one-woman show that delves into
the comedic recesses of her Portuguese immigrant family. She
portrays six different slightly dysfunctional characters. Studio

eatre at Montecasino, until 24 June, pietertoerien.co.za

18 JUNE 2018 kulula.com



GIVEAWAYS COMPETITIONS

Win a night of gin from Thirst Bar Services

Thirst Bar Services is giving away an intimate stay-at-home gin bar
experience for ten people. Prepare for an evening of tasty gin drinks
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home by an experienced bartending team. For a chance to win, SMS
Thirst, your full name, your email address and your ID number, to
48430. Each SMS costs R1.50 and the competition closes on
30 June. Terms and conditions apply, of course.

Win tickets to see Katy Perry with Big Concerts

Big Concerts has six tickets to give away to attend Katy Perry’s Witness: The
Tour concert at the Ticketpro Dome in Joburg on 18 July. It’s the powerhouse
singer’s first performance in South Africa and her show promises to take fans
on an imaginative journey from outer space to inner space, from faraway
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hits against a backdrop of enormous sets with eye-popping props and plenty
of incredible sensory overload gimmicks and effects. Prepare for a night to
remember – but first visit khulumaonline.co.za and hit the competitions tab for
a chance to win one of those six tickets.

FREE STUFF

Win a Baby Throne from Knight’s Win tickets to see Disney on Ice with Showtime Management
Baby Training
Disney On Ice is set to sprinkle pixie dust across South Africa once more this winter with
Knight’s Baby Training is giving away two Baby its latest rollicking ice-skating spectacle, Dream Big. Join Tinker Bell as she takes children
Thrones, each valued at R1 000. These natural of all ages on a journey of beloved Disney tales brought to life by some of the finest ice
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saving of R6 500 before the age of two. The with the daring and courageous Jasmine. Disney On Ice presents Dream Big happens at
throne encourages a fully-supported patented Joburg’s Ticketpro Dome from 22 June to 1 July, at Durban’s
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‘pushing’ while helping prevent constipation. For from 11 to 15 July. You can book your seats and buy
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hit the competitions tab and answer this easy visit our website for a chance to win tickets from
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baby reaches the age of two? package consists of four tickets. Joburg’s winners
will see the show on 22 June, Durban’s winners on
4 July, and Cape Town’s winners on 11 July. Just hit
the competitions tab at khulumaonline.co.za, enter
your details, and remember to wish upon your
lucky star.

pictures: xxxxxxx

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22 MAY 2018 kulula.com





Words: Keith Bain, Picture: Pierre Planchenaut get A WINTER WONDERLAND EXPERIENCE

tCurious Cohen

Psrformancs artist Stsvsn Cohsn – who frsqusntly appsars wsaring
uttsrly OTT stilsttos – has nsvsr shisd away from controvsrsy. Hs’s
known for crsating hard-hitting, confrontational artworks and has svsn
bssn arrsstsd for work that’s bssn dssmsd too sxplicit or psrvsrss for

public spacss. Whils his work is oftsn psrcsivsd as shocking, and hs’s
not afraid to push ths boundariss, it is always fillsd with msaning and
symbolism – and always grapplss with complsx issuss. His latsst
work, which hs will psrform at this ysar’s National Arts Fsstival

in Grahamstown, is callsd put your heart under your feet... and
walk! / To Elu. First psrformsd at ths Montpsllisr Danss Fsstival
last Juns, it’s a dssply psrsonal msditation on ths loss, grisf and
smptinsss that has followsd ths dsath of ths dancsr Elu, who

was Cohsn’s lifs partnsr and artistic collaborator. It’s bssn callsd
an un-dancs, and includss psrformancs, projsctions and an
installation of objscts – among which ars almost a hundrsd

pairs of ballst shoss, including onss that bslongsd to Elu
himsslf. It’s not for ths fainthsartsd and includss hard-to-
watch, vsry bloody vidso footags shot in an abattoir. But

if you’rs curious, this bold psrformancs is an sxcsllsnt
rsason to catch ths Fsstival which kicks off on 28 Juns.

(For a fsw lsss controvsrsial rsasons, turn to pags 33.)
nationalartsfestival.co.za

TRIPWORTHY

out & abou

kulula.com JUNE 2018 25



SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE EXPERIENCE

Get out & aboutON OUR RADAR

1 Elephonts before breokfost, rhinos onywhere – simply register online ot 1
with lunch, ond – if you’re lucky – wsb.co.zo. vodacomdurbanjuly.co.za
leopords before dinner… The Woterberg’s
Mhondoro Safari Lodge is offering o 4 Copetonions continue to get o 3 2 4
20% discount on two-night midweek weekly dose of live London theotre, filmed 7 5
stoys in the moin lodge until the end of ond screened ot the Fugard Bioscope
June – rotes include sofori octivities, on select Sundoy mornings ot 11om.
meols ond most drinks. mhondoro.com The winter seoson includes
screenings of The Royol Bollet’s
2 Freedom Fighters (the renowned Manon (10 June), The Notionol
progressive psytronce solo project of Theotre’s Follies (17 June),
DJ-producer Shohof Efrot) is omong the Bolshoi Bollet’s The Flames of
octs ot this month’s Vortex Phoenix Paris (24 June), ond on 1 July
Festival of Fire winter solstice stomp. there’s Macbeth. thefugard.com
The full-on three-doy nonstop festivol
hoppens ot Kom’Boti River Resort on the 5 Something olong the lines of
Breede River, o fobulous locotion neor Hitchcock’s Rear Window, but set in the
Swellendom thot’s perfect for letting Cope Flots ond storring reol-life hunk
down your hoir, potentiolly doncing in the ond rising stor Irshood Ally, Nommer 37
mud ond roin, ond swinging your hips to is o thriller with o difference – moody,
some of the best deck-hondlers in the broody ond edge-of-your-seot stuff, ond
business – olso lined up ore Heodroom, it’s in cinemos notionwide from 1 June.
DJ Mork, Connecto, Killowott, Zezio,
Rubix Qube ond mony more. 22–24 June, 6 Mzonsi’s queen of comedy, Tumi 6
vortextranceadventures.co.za Moroke, hos teomed up with comedy’s
modern troditionolist Ndumiso Lindi
3 The Vodacom Durban July , Africo’s (oko The Roosto) to creote o touring
most celebroted horserocing event, stond-up show obout the highs ond
hoppens on 7 July ot Greyville lows of morrioge ond the bottle of the
Rocecourse. While it’s os much obout sexes. Cotch Married… But Not To
dressing up in your most glomorous or Each Other ot Krugersdorp Silverstor
outrogeous outfit ond schmoozing with Cosino on 6 July, Siboyo Cosino in
sociolites, celebs ond horse enthusiosts, Durbon on 21 July, Secundo’s Grocelond
it is olso obout plocing thot potentiolly Cosino on 3 August or Emnotweni in
life-chonging bet. You needn’t even be Nelspruit on 4 August. computicket.com
there to be in on the oction, with World
Sports Betting moking it possible to 7 Amozingly, Yoko Ono – widely
join in the excitement from virtuolly considered the ‘grondmother of

kulula.com JUNE 2018 27

EXPERIENCE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE

8 10 conceptual art’ – is currently exhibiting in 11 The closest thing to seeing Whitney
9 Africa for the first time ever. Her Wish Houston in the flesh these days is Port
Trees project is part of the Winter Elizabeth-born Belinda Davids who won
11 Sculpture Fair which runs at the NIROX the BBC’s Even Better Than The Real
12 Sculpture Park in the Cradle of Thing musical contest in 2017. Her
13 Humankind until 29 July. Also exhibiting is performance in The Greatest Love of
All: The Whitney Houston Show is
28 JUNE 2018 82-year-old Esther Mahlangu and backed up by a seven-piece live band
2017 Turner Prize Winner, Lubaina and dancers, but it’s her voice that
Himid. wintersculpturefair.co.za keeps audiences enthralled. Theatre
of Marcellus, Emperors Palace Casino,
8 The Knysna Oyster Joburg, 21 June–8 July,
Festival is about more than computicket.com
just shucking oysters and
glugging down pints of beer. With 12 Hoping to satisfy children’s insatiable
more than 100 activities arranged desire to see their favourite TV stars
over 10 days of celebration, there’s come to life, Cartoon Network Live!
everything from the legendary forest is bringing another cast of characters
marathons and trail runs through to Mzansi. This time, it’s Gumball, Darwin
phenomenally wondrous terrain, to MTB and Anais from The Amazing World of
races and even a 30km e-bike race. Gumball – they’ll be helping super-scientist
29 June–8 July, oysterfestival.co.za Kelvin Gizmo in his bid to stop the evil robot
Zarr from achieving his megalomaniacal
9 A new show created especially with goal of taking over the Cartoon Network
young princesses in mind, Disney On Ice: universe. GrandWest, Cape Town,
Dream Big brings the tales of eight of 26  June–1  July, Montecasino, Joburg,
Disney’s most beloved princesses – 3–15 July, computicket.com
Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, Rapunzel,
Tiana, Jasmine, Aurora and Snow White 13 Reigning world champion John
– to life. The skating magic happens at John Florence from Hawaii will be
Joburg’s Ticketpro Dome, 22 June – among the contenders at the Corona
1 July, Durban’s ICC, 4–8 July, and Open JBay, a World Surf League
Cape Town’s GrandWest, 11–15 July.   Championship Tour event which is the
computicket.com highlight of JBay Winterfest in Jeffreys
Bay from 2 to 17 July. Also competing is
10 He’s big, he’s elastic-faced, and Brazilian Filipe Toledo, who was last
he has an unpredictable hairline. year’s winner, 11-time world champion
Barry Hilton is also known as South Kelly Slater, and Durban’s Jordy Smith.
Africa’s king of clean comedy – a The festival includes non-surf activities,
relentless gentleman with impeccable too – there’s an MTB race, a day-night
timing and crazy eyes that seem to stage trail race, open-water swimming
melt somewhere into his forehead. and more. jbaywinterfest.com

See him at Sibaya’s Rockwood 14 While there’ll be terrific daytime
Theatre just outside action during JBay’s world-class surf
Durban on 21 June.
rockwoodtheatre.co.za

14 kulula.com



EXPERIENCE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE

16 15 events, the JBay Music festival waters of love, relatmonshmps and potentmal Words: Keith Bain, Pictures: Henry Enmelbrecht, Val Adamson, Chris Hitchcock, Anelia Loubser, Jonathan Ferreira, Daniel Rutland Manners
18 wmll offer some kmller after-dark marrmage. It’s dmrected by Greg Karvellas
17 entertamnment, mncludmng Jack Parow and ms on at the Fugard Theatre.
19 21 who’ll be back wmth hms bmg personalmty thefugard.com
20 and off-kmlter zef rap. He’ll also be
performmng mn the snow thms month, at 18 Wmth her energetmc gumtar solos and
30 JUNE 2018 Afrmskm’s season openmng Wmnterfest mn emotmonally-charged, uncomprommsmng
Lesotho – read more about that on page lyrmcs, mt’s lmttle wonder that Karen Zoid
131. 5–14 July, jbaymusicfest.com has had over 32 number one hmt smngles on
mTunes and contmnues to be an unstoppable
15 Ballet enthusmasts should not mmss force mn South Afrmcan musmc. She’ll be
Joburg Ballet’s Fire and Ice , a new performmng at Montecasmno Teatro mn
double-bmll showcasmng the company’s Joburg on 1 June, and at Artscape mn
dynammc range wmth two contrastmng Cape Town on 19 and 20 June.
works. It mncludes the world premmere of computicket.com
a newly choreographed pmece by French
19 Whether you’ve actmvated beast
choreographer Redha, consmdered to mode and are mn mt for the wmn, or you’re
be among Europe’s finest. Joburg lookmng to get muddy and maybe break
Theatre, Braamfontein, a sweat, the fedhealth Impi Challenge
29 June–8 July, ms a great way to toughen up and have
joburgtheatre.com a laugh. Thms month’s KwaZulu-Natal
mnstalment happens at Vmrgmnma Tramls mn
16 Tshwane’s Capital Eston and mncludes an Elmte 20km dmvmsmon
Craft Beer festival at the wmth 26 tough obstacles, and a more
Pretorma Natmonal Botanmcal reasonable 10km Challenge wmth 18
Gardens wmll host over 40 obstacles. Dressmng up ms encouraged,
brewers (mncludmng Amundsen, takmng yourself too sermously less so.
Anvml Ale, Frmar’s Habmt Craft Brewery and 16–17 June, impichallenge.co.za
Rmot Beer) puntmng at least 200 dmfferent
beers on tap. The smppmng and swmllmng wmll 20 Do your bmt to get mnvolved mn the
be accompanmed by musmc from the regreenmng of areas mn and around Knysna
lmkes of Spoegwolf, Femm Koya, that have been devastated by fires by
Crmmson House, and the jomnmng the three-week Greenpop festival
mnmmmtable Black Cat Bones. of Action whmch commences on 23 June.
16 June, capitalcraft.co.za The reforestatmon non-profit wmll be workmng
wmth volunteers to plant thousands of
17 Gabrmel Meltz stars as mndmgenous trees. greenpop.org
Jordan mn the South Afrmcan premmer
21 Peppa Pig Live in South Africa ms
of Significant Other , a New returnmng to Mzansm for performances
York comedy by Joshua at the State Theatre mn Tshwane on
Harmon, the wordsmmth who 16 and 17 June and for shows at PE’s
Opera House on 23 and 24 June.
penned the hmlarmous Bad Jews. It computicket.com
follows Jordan’s bmttersweet
search-for-Mr Rmght as he and hms
closest frmends navmgate the choppy

kulula.com

PROFESSIONAL
PRODUCTIVE
PART-TIMERS

For the employer, the benefits of both
permanent and contract appointments
offering flexibility have been tremendous,
including reduced training time, cost
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THE GREAT BUSINESS SENSE OF RECRUITING FLEXIBLE AND PART-TIME SKILLS

As a pioneer for part-time and full-time flexible work, employers to see the benefits of employing skilled women into high
RecruitMyMom.co.za has created a different model for level positions such as finance managers, investment analysts,
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that the message we gave employers was to source highly skilled
As a working mother herself, HR manager Jill Wright appreciated the moms,” says Geard. “It’s been a concerted effort for us to continue
flexibility that her own position at A-Gas brought to her. When her to seek and carve these kinds of niches within the work environment
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Traditionally, moms have faced the dilemma of having to choose also translates into a committed and loyal employee who is not
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When Phillipa Geard launched RecruitMyMom.co.za in 2012,
her first task was to challenge this kind of thinking and persuade Go to www.RecruitMyMom.co.za or call head office 021 2011190



FESTIVE SEASON EXPERIENCE

CURIOUSER

AND
CURIOUSER

The National Arts Festival is just around the corner, so we asked
award-winning playwright, actor and director Wessel Pretorius to
take us deep into the psyche of the typical small-town cultural romp

I am naked, sitting in a rusty, No, this was not a nightmare. This Nevertheless, for at least
corrugated iron bathtub filled with was real life for me at an arts festival in eight years now, I have survived
lukewarm water, in a restaurant Clanwilliam a few years ago. My producer, as a freelance theatre-maker
peopled with farmers dressed in khaki who convinced me to perform there, in South Africa and it’s all
and Crocs. A string of pearls adorns my referred to the experience as ‘a baptism by thanks to the cycle of festivals that
quivering neck and I’m listening to Nina fire’. I’m not sure if the baptism was mine or happen around the country, often
Simone, wondering if I remembered the town’s. Festivals in middle-of-nowhere in obscure and unimaginable little
my underpants. places can be brutal. places. Festivals have became part of
the platteland DNA. It’s when, for a few
A large oom in a Drimac walks up, peers days or even a week or more, some
inside the tub, turns to the crowd and unlikely backwater is transformed into
cracks a joke about my nakedness. Another a cultural Mecca – singers perform
middle-aged couple is trying not to seem under gazebos, actors perform high
quite so mortified by what’s happening in tragedy in raggedy school halls,
front of them – the husband tries to relieve and ragtag markets sell everything
the tension, nudging his wife in the ribs, from roosterkoek to inspirational
teasing her. ‘Moet nou nie koekeloer nie, pillowcases. And throughout it
Annetjie,’ he jibes, ‘Don’t let me catch you all, hordes of inebriated and
peeking, Annetjie!’

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EXPERIENCE FESTIVE SEASON

sunburnt festivalgoers queue up in their my show. And, to cut costs (and upset Having
fleece tracksuits and Springbok sun visors Annetjie), I did the whole thing dressed in folks
hoping some of the high kultuur will rub off nothing but my onderbroek and a string of walk out
on them. pearls. No extravagant costume costs and is rough,
laundry expenses were nonexistent. but there
To the sensitive actor, performing at are plenty
these events can feel like participating in Audiences can be fickle though and more forms
a scene from Dante’s Inferno, a perilous when they get upset they can be furious, of rudeness
test of faith. Particularly rough if you have too. At Oudtshoorn’s Klein Karoo National that await anyone
high hopes for your career as most of us do. Arts Festival (KKNK) I once witnessed brave enough to get onto a festival stage:
I pranced out of drama school with plans 50 people marching out of a theatre in there are the coughers, the yawners, the
to be the next Tom Hiddleston or Eddie protest against a political cabaret by Facebook checkers, the mortally offended
Redmayne. I’d be playing Hamlet at night, Marlene van Niekerk. Director Marthinus who gasp and scream out ‘ag nee’ when
rehearsing Chekhov by day. Basson, who has never shied away from they hear or see something they don’t like.
controversy, managed to upset folks with And with all the drinking that goes on at
Problem is, there isn’t a particularly his unapologetic combination of actors festivals, there’s invariably a weak bladder
lucrative market if you’re an actor wanting in drag and a scene of castration – it was that turns into an excuse for someone
to shovel Shakespeare and peddle never going to be an easy sell for sweet, to spend five minutes saying ‘ekskuus,
Russian symbolism. Nah, that’s not what naïve Martie van Tonder who had driven all ekskuus’ as they stand on everyone’s toes
folks in Tweebuffelsmeteenskootmors- the way from Secunda to watch ‘something en route to the nearest exit.
doodgeskietfontein regard as musical’ and maybe eat something spicy It was a rainy and muddy afternoon in
entertainment. They want vermaak – it off a stick. Hermanus during the Kalfiefees – while
might pass as art, but should be light, playing Japie, the gay stripper from
tasteful and preferably brief. Durbanville – when I experienced my first
heckler. I was giving a heartfelt monologue
Which means if you’re a stage actor about having a broken heart when some
with high ideals and no money, a solo show sloshed spectator decided to get involved
is often the sanest solution. By writing, in the action. And so she began responding
directing and performing in my own one- to Japie’s monologue, answering his
man shows there’s only one person likely rhetorical questions, making fun of his
to go hungry when ticket sales fail to cover sobs and tears. It was like being jeered at
the cost of the petrol. I cleverly decked out a soccer match but without the roaring
the stage with a corrugated iron tub, an crowd to drown her out.
old suitcase and a borrowed gramophone, It’s not all so diabolical, though. From the
creating a stunningly cheap set for Oyster Festival in Knysna to the Crayfish
Festival in Lambert’s Bay, and the great
mother of them all – the National Arts
Festival in Grahamstown – there’s a thirst
for entertainment that allows us actors to
keep peddling our profession. They might
not always know how to process that
creatively camp coming-out story set to
Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, but most
people are polite enough to sit or sleep
through it all the way to the end.

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FESTIVE SEASON EXPERIENCE

THE CURIOUS 6

Six great reasons to be at the National Arts Festival in Grahamstown which runs
from 28 June until 8 July

S anne Vega Mamela Nya a

Eighties’ folk-music revivalist, A ground-breaking dancer who has
Suzanne Vega has attained cult trained with the Alvin Ailey American
status among her fans thanks to Dance eater in New York, Mamela
such haunting-yet-catchy songs as Nyamza is this year’s featured festival
‘Luka’, off her second album Solitude artist and is known for combining and
Standing. Also on that album was blending various dance styles in order
the captivating a cappella version to subvert and challenge established
of ‘Tom’s Diner’, which was later traditions. She’s performing in
remixed by electronic dance duo, Hatched (28–30 June) which deals
DNA. Trivia experts will also know with womanhood and which she first
that the song was used as a test tune choreographed 10 years ago, and she’s
during the development phase of the also presenting a newly choreographed
MP3 format. But what could be better work entitled Phuma-Langa (2–4 July),
than hearing her live? 7–8 July whose title is a response to
non-native speakers’ inability to
pronounce Mpumalanga.

pictures: xxxxxxx Creat ivate

One for the tech-minded, this new
‘festival within the festival’ celebrates the
digital arts, looking at the convergence
of technology and creativity. ere’ll be
digital graffiti, workshops on composing
digital music and – from Denmark –
a virtual-reality dinner-party installation
called Doghouse, in which participants are
given VR headsets in order to experience
a most unusual ‘meal’. 28 June–1 July

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EXPERIENCE FESTIVE SEASON

Hamlet

Hamlet, yes, but definitely not as you know it. It’s been called ‘poetic
insurrection’ and is one of those mind-bending reality-questioning
productions that’ll have you scratching your head long after you’ve
exited the theatre. Swiss author and director Boris Nikitin has
rewritten Shakespeare’s play and turned it into an experimental
documentary concoction infused with a curious musical repertoire
performed by electronic musician Julia*n Meding. Not to be
attempted on a hangover or if you’re suffering IQ-fatigue.
28–30 June

ThewMD hoCst Aornme anidngTSwahkokiwe

Squeezed into their tiniest lumo polyester shiny shorts and
rocking spectacular mullets and bulletproof facial hair,
the Godfathers of zef are back and just as beautiful and

brilliant and off-the-wall as ever. It’s either a cult comedy
or a comedy cult, but everyone’s invited to drink the
Kool-Aid giggle juice. 3, 6, 7 July

38 JUNE 2018 DynaMike

On the pavements of Grahamstown, along with plenty of other
multitalented buskers, look out for this Canadian street performer who
has toured the world with his incredible madcap juggling act. Not only
can he juggle anything from babies to chainsaws, but he does so whilst
riding a unicycle. Be warned: audience participation is highly likely.

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TOMORROW’S FOOD TODAY EXPERIENCE

From stews rich with insect protein to a robot chef that cleans up
after itself, the food of the future may well already be here

kulula.com JUNE 2018 41

he future of food that others expect the Pedi ladies selling setshu
is up in the air. imminent arrival of sa mašotša (mopane
Perhaps literally in-vitro cloned meat. worm) stew at Pretoria’s
if those promoting vertical agriculture Can’t face the thought Marabastad taxi rank.
and computerised, plant-pollinating of test-tube flavoured Depending on which
robo-bees are to be believed. Some, more flesh? Seek out the insectivorous foodie future is envisaged,
terrestrial, soothsayers see tomorrow’s activists who argue that creepy- we are either heading for
world taking up transdermal nutritional crawlies are next season’s hot ethnically divisive wars fought
patches and abandoning actual eating protein for cool people. Which over ever-diminishing water
entirely – which may be just as well given will come as no surprise to the resources or an eco-optimistic

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TOMORROW’S FOOD TODAY EXPERIENCE

DO ANGELS OF THE
FUTURE EAT PASTA?

Filippo Tommaso Marinetti’s 1930
quasi-fascist Futurist Cookbook
looked forward to a time when
Italians would give up eating pasta
and take over the world. He declared
that ‘[Pasta] is completely hostile to
the vivacious spirit and passionate,
generous, intuitive soul of the
Neapolitans… Any pastascuittist who
honestly examines his conscience
at the moment he ingurgitates his
biquotidian pyramid of pasta will
find within the gloomy satisfaction
of stopping up a black hole. is
voracious hole is an incurable sadness
of his. He may delude himself, but
nothing can fill it. Only a Futurist
meal can li his spirits.’

e Mayor of Naples responded to
Marinetti by arguing that ‘ e angels
in Paradise eat nothing but vermicelli
al pomodoro.’ ose who have eaten
the very fine ravioli di agnello with
truffle shavings at Forti Grill and Bar
in Pretoria (forti.co.za) will know that
paradise can also come in the form of
lamb-stuffed pasta.

era of equitable access to sustainably applauded for his public-health-
produced, delicious and nutritious food promoting, early-morning, beachfront
(with a respect for heritage and diversity). jogs but was until recently a major
Either there will be an epidemic of shareholder in McDonald’s South Africa.
junk-food induced childhood obesity or
a blossoming of school food gardens. If the best predictor of future
happenings is past experience, then it
Or both. Let us not forget that seems likely that all the above (both
contradiction is so often South Africa’s positive and negative) is wrong. Publicity
middle name. After all, President material for the 1893 Chicago World’s
Ramaphosa has recently been much Fair anticipated a future kitchen where,

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EXPERIENCE TOMORROW’S FOOD TODAY

‘with the push of a button, a whole cake the human requirement for food is more PAST AND PRESENT
gets mixed and baked without a single complex than we know. Baby formula ORACLES
human measure or stir.’ still doesn’t keep babies as healthy as
mother’s milk, and we’ve been at that e horror of high-tech neediness
The good news is that, to date, real life project for almost 200 years. Besides, is enough to send us all running
has consistently shown itself to be utterly we don’t just eat to fuel our bodies – we screaming towards the past for
unpredictable. Michael Pollan (author of eat for pleasure, communion, identity, predictions about the future. e
Cooked, The Omnivore’s Dilemma, and etc. and you can’t get all that in a pill ancient Mesopotamian soothsayers
In Defence of Food) points out that ‘the or powder.’ poked around in the entrails of
“dream” of a meal-in-a-pill has been with sacrificial bull in order to predict
us at least since The Jetsons, and keeps In 1919, American journalist the bounty of forthcoming harvests.
retreating further into the future because Lincoln Stevens returned from post- Who is to say that an evening spent
revolutionary Moscow and announced eating the ox heart with beetroot at
(ironically, in the course of campaigning La Tête in Cape Town (latete.co.za)
for US food aid for Russia) that: ‘I have or the cardamom-laden pens and
seen the future, and it works’. Which pootjies at D6 Eatery in Emmarentia,
only goes to show that what works Joburg (011 486 7226), won’t offer
is not only in the eye of the beholder much needed insights into the current
but also a function of when it Western Cape water crisis?
is beheld. Even
when space- they seldom bring the promised real-life
age style benefits. Ours is an era in which futuristic
inventions ‘smart’ devices are constantly touted as
‘work’ according to
the scientists who create them, the life-changing solutions to
a better tomorrow. But are
they really? And would those
who design such stuff have
the sociological understanding
to know if they did? Designers of
such products almost invariably
fail to consult customers. They
often operate on the premise
that people don’t know what
they need until it’s built for them.
This is a useful principle in
some ways, but is not helpful
when it comes to reconsidering
how people interact with
spaces and appliances that

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TOMORROW’S FOOD TODAY EXPERIENCE

Words: Anna Trapido, Pictures: Yaroslav Vitkovskiy/shutterstock.com, 3Dalia/shutterstock.com, they use every day with fluency. domestic tiffs as the kettle fails to up after itself. And it
Julien Tromeur/shutterstock.com, kirill_makarov/shutterstock.com, Astarina/shutterstock.com The result is that the current futuristic, recognise the toaster? can learn by mimicking
the actions of a master
foodie smart devices are anything but Maybe not, because there are chef precisely, meaning
smart. The app that allows you to control right now major developments that ordinary people can have
your stove from your phone requires afoot to launch a robot that world-class meals prepared in their
constant reassurance. The fridge that will make the 1893 Chicago domestic kitchen. Moley’s prototype
tells you when to go and buy more milk World’s Fair’s prediction has been premiered at Hanover Messe,
gets confused if dairy products are placed a mainstream reality. the international robotics show, and
in non-standard storage vessels. Who Moley Robotics has, since the consumer version is set to launch
needs a demanding child when every 2014, been creating the this year – it will even be supported by
kitchen gadget is asking ‘What's this? world’s first fully-automated an iTunes-like recipe library.
What’s this?’ Life is hard enough without and intelligent cooking robot. So, perhaps the future is now,
needy, pestering kitchen appliances. Are The robot chef learns recipes, after all?
we destined to spend eternity sorting out cooks them and clears

LITERARY SOOTHSAYERS the subject’s taste buds, a spectroscopic including a number of custom flavour
examination of the subject’s metabolism injections, the machine will then dispense
Many a true word is said in jest and and then sent tiny experimental signals something that tastes almost, but not
the writers of humorous novels are down the neural pathways to the quite, entirely unlike Coke.
amazingly accurate oracles. e Nutri- taste centres of the subject’s brain to
Matic Drink Dispenser as imagined in see what was likely to go down well’. Similarly, Roald Dahl’s Charlie and
Douglas Adams’ sci-fi cult classic novel, Unfortunately, a er all that, it tended to the Chocolate Factory might have seemed
like childish nonsense when it was first
e Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, has produce a beverage ‘almost, but not published in 1964 but nanotechnologists
recently come to pass. In 1979 Adams quite, entirely unlike tea.’ Enter the at Harvard University recently produced
described the futuristic machine as an 2018 Coca-Cola Freestyle project a real-life prototype for Willy Wonka’s
‘invention of the Sirius Cybernetics
Corporation designed to provide vending machines which can mix up ree-Course Dinner Chewing Gum
its users with drinks customised over 100 drink choices with custom ‘which can convey the flavours of tomato
to their personal needs.’ It flavours. A er the thirsty user soup, roast beef and baked potato, and
worked by making ‘an instant but blueberry pie and ice cream’.
highly detailed examination of has inputted all her preferences,

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