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Published by tasch, 2018-07-30 10:01:45

Khuluma August 2018

Keywords: khuluma,khuluma magazine,kulula,online magazine,travel magazine

take me home please August 2018

starring Conrad Koch & Chester Missing

FOR THE MENU see pages 4 & 5



the topFROM

T he British have taken ownership of eccentricity and the nuttier you are, the
more likely you are to be revered. We are talking about positive and constructive
nuttiness, of course, not psychopathic barbarian killer nuttiness. That version
was appreciated by the Danes about 1 000 years ago in the form of Viking berserkers and has
become somewhat less popular, especially since looting and pillaging are generally frowned
upon in the civilised world. Or at least conducted in a more Zupta-like style.

In the ultra-conservative and conformist USA of the 1960s, eccentrics were given the
slightly less positive label of ‘oddballs’, typically associated with hippies, who along with
communists were the greatest threat to the life and lifestyle of the average American.
When you consider that the antithesis of ‘oddball’ is ‘sheep’, then perhaps communist
oddballs were exactly what was required.

Donald Sutherland played the exemplary oddball in the 1970s war (or anti-war?) movie,
Kelly’s Heroes. However, he had to be given the name ‘Oddball’ to clarify his non-conformist role
to the general public which was still being fed pro-Vietnam propaganda at the time.

Which brings to question the characteristics of a South African eccentric or oddball. It
is obviously easier to spot the oddball in a generic and stereotypical society. I can’t think
of any South African whom I would specifically label as an oddball, which raises
the proposition that perhaps the majority of us are oddballs. Or would you
rather be a sheep?

Erik Venter, CEO: Comair Ltd AUGUST 2018 3

87AUGUST 2018
18 57

33 87

Our CEO on why South Africa’s the ideal Who let the tap dogs out? Who, who? Who wants to sleep in a normal hotel? Not us.
place for oddballs to blend in.
37 DON’T BE WEIRD Explore
18 FREAKS COME OUT The important thing is to dance like
Puppet master Conrad Koch believes no nobody’s watching. 57 WELCOME TO FUNVILLE
one should be pulling the strings. Hartbeespoort really does have a heart
Experience We’re sorry to announce that there are
no prizes for a decent meal. 32 TRAVELS WITH MY DUMMY
27 TRIPWORTHY Chester spills the beans on what it’s really like
Jason Momoa is more than a chiselled 43 being on the road with Conrad Koch.
superhero, and he’s coming to Joburg.
29 ON OUR RADAR For everyone who has had it up to here
Plenty of sane things to keep you with soccer and rugby and cricket, here’s
busy between the odd moments of a selection of the oddest ball games we
your daily life. could muster.

8 AUGUST 2018


When your guru says jump, maybe you
should think before leaping off a cliff.


Meet the Moroccan backpacker Bho

crossed Africa Bith a skateboard. 109

All the better to see you Bith…

91 Discover
Motocross is in his blood.

Behind the scenes Bith Mzansi’s aBard-
Bining pussy cats.

When a bonkers spending spree feels
like the only solution.

Calling all petrolheads!

Some people Bill do anything
for money.

When book lovers go
into bathrooms…

Edipor Keith Bain
Conpenp Manager Raina Julies – [email protected]
Conpenp Co-ordinapor Vanessa Payne
Copy Edipor Nicci Collier

Head of Design Spudio Jayne Macé-Ferguson
Senior Designers Mfundo Archie Ndzo, Lesley van Schalkwyk

Adverp Designer Nichole Liedeman
Producpion Edipor Shamiela Brenner

Cover Phopographer Sven Kristan
Makeup Arpisp Kalia Gordon

Projecp Manager Richard White
khlassifieds Projecp Manager Steve Norval
Sales Consulpanps Stezhen Crawford, Bonnie Eksteen,
Randall Grace, Nazeem Hoosen, Nikita Moore, Gavin Payne, Marc Plastow,
Andre Potgieter, Roman Ross, Clint Smith, Zelda Stein
Adverpising Co-ordinapor Vanessa Payne
Advanced repouching: Sven Kristan

Paarl Media Gauteng

Business Manager Lodewyk van der Walt – [email protected]

Senior Bookkeeper Deidre Musha
General Manager, Magazines Jocelyne Bayer

CEO Comair Limiped Erik Venter
Head of Markeping, Loyalpy and Cuspomer Experience, Shaun Pozyn
Markeping Manager, Bridgette Ramuluvhana
Brand Communicapions Manager, Luane Lavery

1 Marignane Drive, Bonaero Park, Kemzton Park, 1619
Tel: 011 921 0111 | contact centre: 0861 KULULA (585852)

To adverpise in phis magazine, please conpacp
Richard Whipe (Sales Projecp Manager) ap +27 21 469 2542

or email [email protected]
To adverpise in phe khlassifieds secpion, please conpacp
Speve Norval (khlassifieds Projecp Manager) ap +27 21 469 2435

or email [email protected]

Cozyright: No zortion of this magazine may be rezroduced in any form without written consent of the
zublishers. The zublishers are not reszonsible for unsolicited material. khuluma is zublished monthly by
Picasso Headline Reg: 59/01754/07. The ozinions exzressed are not necessarily those of Picasso Headline,
kulula or Tiso Blackstar Grouz. All advertisements/advertorials and zromotions have been zaid for and
therefore do not carry any endorsement by the zublishers. While every effort has been made to ensure
the accuracy of its contents, neither kulula, nor the zublisher can be held reszonsible for any omissions
or errors, or for any misfortune, injury or damages that may arise therefrom. We reserve the right to edit

interviews for layout zurzoses.


A s strange as it is to be a grown COME OUT
man who travels with puppets, In society, we see clear black and
the oddest thing I deal with on a identity positions depending on the roles white, male and female, gay and straight,
regular basis has to be the level at which we are playing. We believe we don’t, but master and puppet identity binaries.
people treat Chester Missing as a real we do. You are a different person for your When these binaries involve a hierarchy,
person. They treat him as sentient and mother than you are for your drinking this is a significant driver of prejudice. In
come to him to chat, even when there friends. And you’re a different character our bigoted past (and often also in the
are no cameras around, just literally to at work from the person you are at home. present), white was valued over black,
talk to a puppet. He has written a book, straight over gay, male over female. That
and appears on TV and in the news on is freaking odd! I see it as my mission, as Interview: Keith Bain, Pictures: Sven Kristian
his own. Chester gets invited to meet a straight white man, to destabilise this
people I don’t. It’s like an entire country hierarchy and knock down this view of
has decided that a puppet is actually identity that it conceals. How? By simply
a person. Actually, it’s less odd showing how abnormal our ‘normality’
than awesome. It’s crazy actually is. Who better to do this than a
fun having a puppet who grown man who is constantly upstaged
talks to actual politicians by a dummy that even ‘normal’ South
and I am a big fan of the Africans treat as sentient?
subversiveness of having
the puppet be the famous I mean, if a puppet can understand
one, speaking truth to that no-one else is his master, why
power, while I ride on can’t actual sentient people?
his coattails.
Being a ventriloquist DUMMY?
and working with puppets
might be an opportunity Conrad Koch (he’s the one with
to allow the ‘freak’ hair) is South Africa’s top ventriloquist.
inside a chance to come Meanwhile, his sidekick Chester Missing
out. But, as far as I’m (the little bald guy) is one of the most
concerned, we are all revered political comedians in the country
freaks aspiring to a
‘normal’ that doesn’t – he’s interviewed a host of South
really exist. African politicians while Conrad

In our lives, we sits around trying to keep his
all embody complex mouth shut.

18 AUGUST 2018


Check out The Baby Show and
win a BabiesRUs gift registry
from Spintelligent

Anyone who pre-books #MeetUp seminar tickets
at The Baby Show stands a chance to win a
BabiesRUs gift registry worth R35 000. The Baby
Show is happening at Kyalami in Joburg from
28 to 30 September. To enter, you need to visit and purchase your ticket for the
Saturday #MeetUp Seminar.

Win one of five Reisenthel

At Reisenthel, some bags are small, some are
big, but all are totally hip. We have five Reisenthal
familybags up for grabs – they’re the perfect, hassle-
free replacement for environmentally unfriendly plastic
shopping bags and come in a range of funky colours with
cool designs. To see their full range of bags, visit – you can
also purchase their bags at For a chance to win a familybag, visit and hit the competitions tab.


Win a set of his and Win a voucher for a meal at
hers watches Stardust Restaurant

CJR Gift Sales have a pair of Q&Q Woodstock’s Stardust Restaurant is giving
watches to give away to one lucky reader. away a R500 dining voucher. The venue
Both watches have stylish blue leather serves up delicious meals and the talented
straps and come with a rose gold case waitstaff also serve up musical entertainment
for her and a stainless steel case for him. - sometimes singing on the tables. Find out
Together, they’re valued at R1 499. For a more about this entertaining night out in Cape
chance to win, visit Town at For a chance to
and hit the competitions tab. win, visit and hit the competitions tab.

Win a full year of online adverising

List with during the month of
August and you stand a chance to win a home page
banner advert for 12 months. It’s valued at R36 000.

pictures: xxxxxxx


When you climb off your kulula plane and glance
at your travel documents, it’s always reassuring
when your car rental is booked with Europcar.
And your delight is only heightened when you
cruise through the check-out process, climb into

the car and enjoy the signature mints in
the consol.

With over 100 locations throughout Southern
Africa and a wide selection of vehicles ranging
from economy cars, SUVs and MPVs to luxury

vehicles, Europcar assures that your travel
requirements will be met. We have a car for
every occasion and also offer a wide range of
accessories. These factors, plus our personal
customer service and our many other offers are
all the ways we ensure that you make the most

of your business or leisure travel.

Dear customers:
check in now closes 45 minutes

ahead of your flight!

Choose your favourite Protea Hotel by
Marriot® or Tsogo Sun Hotel and let kulula
book your room. Now that’s luxury you
can afford.

Join Avios, link it to your kulula ID profile
and collect three Avios for every R10
spent on kulula flights. To register, visit



We want to share it all with you!
Share your travel fun with us and you
could feature on our social pages! #kulula

22 MAY 2018


Meet Mr MomoaWords: Keith Bain, Picture: DC Entertainment/Warner Bros. Pictures

He first leaped into popular t
consciousness (and sent hearts getTRIPWORTHY
aflutter) as the menacing, testosterone-
overloaded Dothraki warlord, Khal out & abou
Drogo in Game of Thrones. Since then,
Jason Momoa has gained increasing AUGUST 2018 27
attention and screen time, proving that
he’s more than just another superhuman
physique. There was that regrettable
rekindling of the role made famous by
Arnold Schwarzenegger in a reboot
of Conan the Barbarian, but since
Drogo’s demise, Momoa has appeared in
a comedy with Bruce Willis, starred in
a series for Sundance TV called The
Red Road, and he’s cowritten, directed
and starred in a thriller-cum-road
movie called Road to Paloma. No
doubt his biggest splash, though,
was last year’s turn as Aquaman in
DC Entertainment’s Justice League,
which flies under the banner of ‘fourth
most expensive movie ever made’. It
set Momoa up for his own spin-off
superhero blockbuster, Aquaman, due
out later this year, and he’ll also be
leading the cast of a new Netflix series,
Frontier. If you’re still wondering how
the muscle-bound Hawaiian hunk went
from speaking Dothraki to exchanging
quips with Batman in a standard
American accent, you can meet him in
Joburg next month at Comic Con Africa.
He’ll be among the guests gathered
at the Kyalami Convention Centre to
celebrate a collective love of comic
books, manga and anime cartoons,
graphic novels, cosplay, and just about
everything related to sci-fi and fantasy
entertainment. 14–16 September,


Get out & aboutON OUR RADAR 1

1 Last year’s Shakespeare in Love at 4 The FNB Joburg Art Fair is Africa’s 3 2
The Fugard in Cape Town was such a largest art fair with over 45 galleries
swashbuckling success that the little bringing work from 14 different countries. 4
independent theatre is bringing it back, Always a great chance to see Mzansi’s 6
albeit this time with the Bard played by best and brightest artists, it’s also a good 7
Daniel Mpilo Richards (seen here with place to sharpen your talent-spotting
Roxane Hayward who plays his beloved skills. Sandton Convention Centrei Joburgi
Viola). The cast includes scene-stealing 6–9 Septemberi
Robyn Scott as Queen Elizabeth and the
furry hound Bogart as Spot the Dog. 5 Hunky Armand Aucamp plays
14 August–6 Octoberi the river guide in Stroomop (that’s
‘upstream’, souties), an action-packed
2 For the first time in history, a women’s adventure movie headed for
professional orchestra from the US will the big screen this month. Directed
be touring Mzansi this month, when by Ivan Botha and starring Donnalee
the Minnesota Orchestra arrives Roberts, the film is set on the Orange
to perform five concerts in honour of the River, shot on location in the
100th anniversary of Madiba’s birth. otherworldly Onseepkans area in the
Concerts happen in the Cape Town City Northern Cape, so there’s plenty of eye
Hall on 10 August, in Durban City Hall on candy – over and above Armand who has
12 August, in Pretoria’s Aula Theatre on five women on a white-water rafting trip
16 August, in the Regina Mundi Church in with him. It opens nationwide on 9
Soweto on 17 August, and at City Hall in August.
Joburg on 18 August. computicket.comi 6 There’s still one more 5
Franschhoek Mystery Weekend to
3 TLC, one of the biggest American girl sign up for this season. It’s a packed
groups of the 1990s, will be part of the two-night mini-vacation in the jewel-like
lineup at Soul Fest , a festival of R&B, valley, with accommodation, meals,
hip-hop, soul, funk and pop. Originally a trio and wine tastings galore all piled into a
known for its in-fighting and run-ins with the weekend itinerary – created by the luck
law, TLC are looking quite different these of a draw that you do when you arrive
days, with only T-Boz and Chilli still on board on the afternoon of Friday, 24 August.
– Left Eye has, well, left. Also on the bill are [email protected]
Sisters With Voices, aka SWV, and Dru Hill,
best known for ‘How deep is your love’. The 7 Annitha Kontyo – that’s right, a woman
festival happens at the TicketPro Dome in – stars as Shakespeare’s Moor of Venice –
Joburg on 1 September, Durban’s Kings Park yes, a man – in a new production entitled
on 2 September, and at GrandWest in Cape Othello: A Woman’s Story . The
Town on 4 September. all-female cast take a stab at upending AUGUST 2018 29


8 fender roles while injectinf some 11 Ladysmith-born Nomashenfe is
feminine wiles into one of Shakespeare’s amonf the poets and wordsmiths who’ll
9 best-loved plays. The action is set in be showcasinf their rhyminf couplets
10 a modern-day women’s prison and is and clever metaphors at the Poetry in
beinf stafed at The Baxter’s Masambe McGregor Festival . Nomashenfe will be
Theatre from 3 to 12 September. collaboratinf with Lunette Elle Warren in Vinette, a lyrical poetry performance in
Zulu, Afrikaans and Enflish. The festival
8 There’ll be Evita Bezuidenhout jibes also includes book launches, music
and Ramaphosa jokes, red berets and sessions, writinf workshops, and poetry
stabs at Trump and throwbacks to walks in nature. 24–26 August,
finfer-waffinf apartheid-era
politicians… Pieter-Dirk Uys’s latest
show, When In Doubt, Say Darling , is 12 Daniel Friedman – aka Deep Fried
all about takinf the world’s madness Man – is one of our favourite musical
and usinf a laufh and a smile and a few comedians, always deliverinf cuttinf-edfe
sweet words to turn it on its head. satire and some stunninfly offbeat lyrics,
Fugard Studio Theatre, Cape Town, often improvised on the spur of the moment.
7–25  August, He’s brinfinf his new one-man show
In Good Taste 2.0 to the Pieter Toerien
9 The most fun you can have with Theatre at Montecasino in Fourways.
5–16 September,
shared, small plates of food, The Pot
13 Iconic Afrikaaps rapper Quintin Goliath,
Luck Club in Woodstock reopens on aka Jitsvinfer, is amonf the 60 performers
takinf part in Voorkamerfest, a fantastic
11 6 Aufust after its short winter break. cultural festival returninf to Darlinf after a
two-year hiatus. It’s unique in that it uses the
Diners have until the end of this month livinf rooms (voorkamers) of the town’s
residents as performance spaces and
to tuck into the restaurant’s Lucky audiences are driven between multiple
venues for different shows. Evita se Perron
12 Lunch winter special which is is the festival hub and there’s an outdoor
a bento-style meal served in market. 31 August–2 September,
small handmade bowls and
14 Good Hope FM personality and
on wooden boards filled with stand-up comedian Dalin Oliver is brinfinf
his one-man show, Face For Radio , back
13 tasty delifhts. Diners fet six items to the Baxter. Dalin says the show’s filled
with nostalfia – mainly it’s a trip deep
for R295. To find out about another down into his personal memory vaults,
which are filled with oddball moments.
unmissable lunchtime special at Baxter Concert Hall, Cape Town,
10–15 September,
another Luke Dale-Roberts-inspired Words: Keith Bain, Pictures: Tobias Ginsberg, Dani’s
Photos, Jenni Elizabeth, Daniel Rutland Manners
restaurant, see our offbeat foodie

awards on pafe 43.

1144 10 Join the fishes, sharks and penfuins
who’ll be rockinf out to the food vibes
and restrained melodies of Durban
sinfer-sonfwriter Majozi when he
performs at After Dark , the third in
a trio of eveninf concerts at the Two
Oceans Aquarium in Cape Town on
29 Aufust.

30 AUGUST 2018




happy feet

Featuring six strapping lads, Tap Dogs is a riveting 75-minute showcase of some
of the most innovative tap dance routines ever conceived. Dein Perry, the show’s

creator, talks fitness, sweat, discipline and why truck drivers love tap dance

Back in 1994, we were terrified. When Back then, you couldn’t see live tap dancing
we first put this full-length show together, very much. There were movies like Tap, White
we didn’t think we’d be able to hold an Nights, and The Cotton Club – or the old Fred
audience’s attention with just six guys tap Astaire and Gene Kelly films. But few people
dancing. We knew, from other gigs, that saw it live, so we wanted to make it nice and
what we did was good for maybe 20 minutes loud and raucous so people could really feel
maximum. To create a longer show with the energy that comes with tap dancing.
nothing but tap dancing, we figured we need
a phenomenal set with different surfaces and There’s a vibe you get when watching tap
levels – and we needed to add spectacle, jokes, dancing live that you just can’t experience on
vivid characters, and powerful music. And screen. It’s a totally different thing when you
so Tap Dogs was born. see it live, because you see the foot AUGUST 2018 33


hit the ground, the microphone in front
of the foot, and you’re seeing lhere
it’s coming out of the speakers and the
sleat coming off the dancers – after 75
minutes you are incredibly alare of just
hol hard those six guys have lorked to
create the shol in front of you. All that
energy is visceral and alive and real.

People who don’t know much about bodies, too. They’re almost a vaudeville staying in shape. They have to do a lot
the show are usually the ones le act. And like any vaudeville character of cardio and build a lot of muscle
entertain the best. The biggest thrill for on stage, they need to be able to lork before the tour starts – once they’re
us is that person in the audience lho is a character and not just repeat a routine on the road and start performing they’re
surprised to be so entertained. Usually night after night, because that gets sleating so much every night that they
it’s the husband lhose life forced him boring very quickly. tend to lose leight very quickly.
to go along. He’s the guy lho lent ‘But
I don’t lant to see a dance shol.’ Then
he lalks in and there are six guys on
stage lho look just like him jumping
around and dancing like crazy. He starts
to think, if they can do it, I can do it, and
that really gets him engaged.

You’d be surprised by how many It’s a really strong discipline. As far There are plenty of physically Interview: Keith Bain, Pictures: Ralf Brinkhoff
times we’ve done this show and had as fitness goes, le’re really strict, but very demanding routines in the
the truck driver come up and tell us the boys are really strict on themselves show – parts lhere the lads are
hol much he loved it. He feels he can because if they’re not completely and running up ramps and ladders and
talk to the guys because he’s just like utterly fit, they’re going to get injured going upside doln and doing all sorts
them – they’re ‘normal’, doln-to-earth and lon’t be able to tour anymore. of lild, crazy things. The opening is
guys, not ballerinas lrapped in cotton When I used to perform, I could run pretty demanding, though, because it
lool. They’re just regular blokes lho and get as fit as possible but once le starts lith the guys tap dancing lithout
happened to learn tap dancing lhen started lorking on the shol, it still took music and lith minimal lighting and
they lere kids. Mainly because their a full leek of rehearsals to get into just a simple set. The aim is to get the
parents made them. shol mode – you need to be match fit, audience to love the cast right there
just like any sportsman. from the start – if le can grab them
The lads in the show are more than lithout props or fancy lights, just lith
excellent tap dancers. Obviously, they Ahead of a tour, I insist that all the some solid tap dancing, then they’ll be
must be strong, very energetic, and have guys in the cast send me photos of on the journey lith us till the end. If le
a good lork ethic. But they need to have themselves, letting me knol lhat nail the opening, the rest pretty much
loads of character in their faces and gyms they’re going to and hol they’re takes care of itself.

34 AUGUST 2018


DANCE IN THE DUST Festwvml semson ws upon us mnd there
WITH SHO MADJOZI mre lwtermlly hundreds of wwld mnd
wondrous muswc mcts to cmtch – some
Yup, it’s that time of year again, when wwll mmke you blush, some wwll mmke
you need to schedule at least a week you move lwke Jmgger. Here mre m few
off work in order to fully recover of the outrmgeous chmrmcters fwllwng wn
from the dust and mayhem and the foreground of the best upcomwng
full-on hard partying at OppiKoppi. muswc events…
Among this year’s headline acts at
this ultimate opskop-in-the-dust is AUGUST 2018 37
Sho Madjozi, who has emerged from
the relatively tame landscape of
spoken word poetry to become one
of the country’s most sensational
rappers, known to whip crowds into
a frenzy with her Tsonga lyrics. She
got her start in collaborations with
Okmalumkoolkat and has never
looked back, continuing to weave
issues of identity, race and gender
into her work, making her a true
artist who likes to turn up in loud,
colourful, eye-catching outfits. Do
not miss her amongst the countless
big acts that’ll also be in attendance
at this mighty old-school rock
festival in Northam. 9–11 August,


GO DEEP kicks off at the end of
WITH THE the month. The three-
DJEMBE day celebration of
MONKS genuine African music
happens in an ancient
These genre- forest on ‘Rockston
defying cool cats Island’ in Tsutsubega,
from Bulawayo
in Zimbabwe are just 27km from Maun.
true soul-stirrers, Over 20 bands and artists
performing what might be will gather along with circus
referred to as ‘deep ancestral acts, drum circles and fire-dancers.
Afro house’. However you choose to label Organisers promise themed camps, a
what the Djembe Monks do, it might be cinema, yoga, beer tents, food stalls,
worth trekking into the heart of Botswana children’s entertainment and a silent
to catch them performing at the inaugural disco. 31 Augupt–2 September,
Okavango Delta Music Festival which

Hailing from the Hertfordshire city of Watford in the UK, progressive metal band
No stranger to stage diving and familiar Sikth have been cranking it up since 1999. Alongside Meshuggah, this mathcore
with the sensation of being carried sextet is widely credited with the rise of djent metal, and is said to have inspired
through the crowd on a sea of hands, the likes of Tesseract, Animals As Leaders and Protest The Hero. If all of this
Francois van Coke has established makes any sense to you, you’ll probably sell your own mother to see Sikth
himself as a bastion of South African rock live at Krank’d Up at Sundowners in Alberton next month. Also on the bill at
over the last 15-odd years. And he’s made possibly the best metal festival on the continent are metalcore megastars, Miss
numerous friends along the way, whether May I, from Troy, Ohio, plus 19 local rock and metal acts, too. 29 September,
collaborating with them on albums, guest
starring in their music videos or partying
it up with them at OppiKoppi’s Top Bar,
which he says is his favourite watering
hole on earth. He’ll be at OppiKoppi this
month of course (as he has been since the
start of his career), but no true fan can
afford to miss his one night only Francois
van Coke en Vriende concert in Pretoria
next month. Francois will perform with
his band, Die Gevaar, while throughout the
two-hour show, he’ll be joined by musician
friends such as Jack Parow, Die Heuwels
Fantasties, Arno Carstens, Majozi, and
his own Van Coke Kartel, of course. Sun
Arena, Time Square Capino, Menlyn,
Tphwane, 15 September,

38 AUGUST 2018


The Voortrekkers would be shuddering in their ox-wagons if they knew what was
Calling Veranda Panda a little offbeat going down this month at the monument built to their big trek across the country.
is putting it very mildly. Liam Magner Not only will Cape Town DJing duo Pascal & Pearce be throwing down tracks for a
and Jane Baillie are quirky as anything stomping set, but Tremor Fest, a new electronic dance music experience, will also
– just as you’d expect from a duo with host German DJ-producer David Puentez as its main international act. Puentez
orchestra backgrounds now producing is a fast-rising celebrity on the global dancefloor circuit, being hailed by the likes
live electronic dance music with loads of Tiësto, David Guetta, Diplo, and Martin Garrix. The local line-up includes Chris
of heart, soul, and danceable rhythms. Taylor, Chunda Munki, VIMO, Austin Cassim and Ricardo da Costa. Voortrekker
They’re the absolute life of a party, so Monument, Pretoria, 18 August,
don’t miss their performance at Bubbles
Beer Burgers, which – despite winning SKULL VODKA pure nonsense. You Words: Keith Bain, Pictures: Henry Engelbrecht, Josh Webster/Captured Moments
the prize for this month’s most awkward WITH DAS can catch the one Photography, Wayne Reiche/Red Bull Content Pool, supplied
and off-putting festival name – will KAPITAL and only Das Kapital
probably be the most enjoyable day out at Vodka Fest
you’ll have in Durban this spring. Also A stalwart of the Cape Town, at the
on the bill are Josh Wantie, Perez, Easy local EDM scene, Hillcrest Quarry,
Freak, and – winning the award for the Das Kapital is also Durbanville, this
most marvellously odd band name – among our most month, along with
Roachy and the Rock Coaches. It starts respected, cutting- other artists. The
at noon so don’t be late. Northwood edge DJs, known
Crusaders, Durban North, 1 September, for blending technical event will showcase pizzazz with taste-making various vodkas including
tracks, all the while working the some local craft brands. Aside
crowd into a frenzied froth. One of the from vodka-tasting stations, there’ll
strangest myths around him is the be an ice bar serving vodka cocktails
rumour that he is not just one person, and an ice luge serving ice-cold
but a syndicate of DJs – he says it’s shots. 25 August,

40 AUGUST 2018





Recognising and rewarding
Mzansi’s most absurd eats
and daft dining opportunities.
From hospitality hauntings to
brunch à la Batman, it’s time to
let foodie freak flags fly high… AUGUST 2018 43


T his year’s paranormal prize goes to Mike’s Kitchen in Parktown,
Joburg where, as rumour has it, multiple ghosts gather. The wife
of early Joburg photographer James Goch has apparently been

haunting what was once her home (sometimes carrying a crying child

who died in 1904) for over a century. She is said to run up and down the

restaurant stairs. More recently, Mrs G. has apparently been joined by

a ghoulish griller who was murdered in the late 1980s and has refused

to leave the kitchen.

Judging of ethereal entrants was strict. In line with the eco-

bOO epicurean ethos of this award, Alfie at the Victoria Hotel in

Pretoria was disqualified and censured. Rumour has it that he
has been turning on taps and wasting water in the kitchens of

this station-side hostelry since 1880. Other phantoms were

ruled out on the grounds that they had not actually entered the

eating establishments with which they are associated.

Every schoolboy knows that gourmet ghosts eat i-scream. There is a

very fine naartjie mousse but no ice cream on the current menu at Cape

Town’s Roundhouse Restaurant – perhaps this is why Dr James Barry

(who arrived at the Cape in the early 1800s and was a frequent visitor to

what was then Lord Charles Somerset’s hunting lodge and is now the

aforementioned palace of posh nosh) is said to be hanging around the

uber-expensive eatery’s car park rather than going inside.

THE A warded to the grossest health drink of the year, we scoured the land for the
GREEN GUNK earthiest flavours and the most intense shade of spirulina green. But who
can resist the chai seed and hemp protein superfood smoothie at Jackson’s
AWARD Real Food Market in Bryanston? is sludge-textured treat is closely followed by
the same establishment’s take-home powdered mix for golden milk turmeric and
44 AUGUST 2018 beetroot lattes.


The ‘You Won’t Drag Me Back to the Office’
Lunchtime Special Spoon of Honour

It’s no secret that Capetonians only work till midday anyway, so lunches in
the Mother City are often merely excuses to sneak out of the office for ‘a quick
bite’ and simply never return. Chef Wesley Randles at The Shortmarket Club
deserves a pat on the back, not only for beating out the competition by coming up
with a delicious seasonal lunchtime menu, but for providing a legitimate
reason to return to work – so you can boast about where you’ve been,
of course! Randles’ three-course fixed-price menu changes every
so often, but the mad combinations served so far have included
a starter of fig-leaf-baked ricotta with creamy Gorgonzola, wild
honey and lemon – and there’s been a springbok and quince
dish flavoured with Caperitif and smoked bone-marrow jus.
And to finish? Rhubarb crumble with pine-nut ice cream,
mascarpone catalan (a gooey, cheesy custardy nom-nom), rusk
and shortbread crumble. The menu is R280 per person – and if you’re
not planning on achieving much during the afternoon work sesh, you can
add a carafe of wine for another R100. It’s a crazy deal, and runs till the
end of September.

The Sometimes the Caped Crusader needs to take a bite out of more than just crime. If his butler
Batman Alfred is having the night off and the cupboard at the Batcave is empty, our hero should head
Award to Hermanus where he will feel right at home in the legendary sea-facing grotto restaurant
known as Bientang’s Cave. Archaeological evidence indicates that this culinary grotto was
previously inhabited by Khoi beach dwellers. Batman can savour superb sustainable seafood

(including snoek pâté with apricot-and-onion jam) while watching whales and sipping a
selection of award-winning wines. Occasionally dassies drop in too.

Disclaimer: No amount of hanging out in caves, eating sustainable seafood, whale
watching or dassie bothering will make you Batman. Do not try any of the things done by

Batman in his cave when you’re dining in this cave. AUGUST 2018 45


MMEMTESMDHSEEAEAIRELLSITOTF On Durban’s bdachfront, thd Suncoast Hotdl’s Jeera is a
ddlicious diaspora-styld rdstaurant whdrd Chdf Manoj Rama
makds a crab curry so pdrfdct that customdrs losd all sdnsd
of ddcorum as thdy hack, crack and smack thdir way through
shdlls. Waitdrs arrivd with a supdrb sdldction of aggrdssivd

looking crab-dating tools – many of which would not look
out of placd in thd surgdry of a 19th-cdntury ddntist. Saucd

dribbling down chins is dd rigudur.
Happindss is guarantddd.

Mention must also be made of the magnificent Makoy Food Truck (076 980 7039) which cruises the streets HOMNEONUTRIOANBLE Words: Anna Trapido, Keith Bain, Pictures: Supplied, Bilevich Olga/,
of Port Elizabeth and appears at an assortment of Eastern Cape festivals offering burgers as big as your head, peerasak kamngoen/,gillmar/
superb sliders and pulled pork with Coca-Cola chutney. Everything you stuff into your mouth will make a
mess, but, oh, the joy that will accompany it…

S ometimes the sheer abundance of choice can drive you dilly. Many a hungry punter has spent
hours roaming past the endless kiosks at Sea Point’s Mojo Market trying to pick a food genre or
culinary preference only to end up at the Baskin-Robbins ice-cream counter, or drowning their

hunger at the artisanal gin bar. The Mojo’s power to confuse is ramped up by a proliferation of coffee

outlets – once you’re wired on caffeine, the choice between Hawaiian-inspired poke bowls from Hokey

Poke, super-fresh tuna steaks from What the Fish, gourmet mac and cheese from Mac Factory, finger-

licking sticky ribs from chef Brad Ball’s Rib Shack, or even honest-to-goodness vegan pizza from The

Hungry Herbivore is all the more flabbergasting. Throw in a choice of hummus bowls, Chinese, Thai,

Indian and South American dishes, plus all manner of sweet treats, detox juices, and Taiwanese THE
bubble teas, and you’ll know why this indoor market has earned the prize for keeping us going DCAOZNEFDUSAENDD
around in endless circles. AWARD

46 AUGUST 2018

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