Khuluma August 2017

In a nutshell, Finders Keepers kulula.com
revolves around an endearing,
socially inept man, who inadvertently
finds himself fending off Russian
mobsters and South African gangsters
in order to try and save some pretty
questionable characters. Lonnie, my
character, is probably the most socially
awkward, shy person you’ll ever meet.
He’s lovable but extremely weird. In
essence, it’s the story of my life. It’s like
one big game of Pokémon Go.

THE

truthNAKED
Making his big screen
debut in the new action
comedy, Finders Keepers,
Cape Town funnyman
Dalin Oliver gives us
the goods on what went
down behind the scenes.

50 AUGUST 2017

THE BIG PICTURE THE GUIDE

pictures: xxxxxxx I’ve never been on camera before. but we became best friends. He’s a big fan
One moment I was handing my car guard of my work. He even sent me a Facebook
a R10 tip, the next thing I knew I was friend request within seconds of meeting.
being given a lead role in a movie. By a Weird, I know. On numerous occasions,
stranger! Of course, I expected five-star I had to remind him that we were on set
treatment. You know? Hollywood style. to work and not clown around. Tons of fun
I was one of the leads, after all. All was had. Six weeks of constant laughter
expectations were met. The local film – on and off camera. I’d say our off-
industry is extremely glamorous. I had a camera relationship allowed for
personal trainer, trailer and a private chef. chemistry to develop on screen. That’s
Of course, the haters would say it was the serious answer. The truth is we were
more like a camping chair with instant actually really childish together. The
coffee and rusks, accompanied by speed director, Maynard Kraak, gave us the
walks with my co-stars to get to different freedom to be little ‘man children’ while
locations. Some would even go as far filming. The rest took care of itself.
as saying that my bed in my trailer was Stuart Taylor, who is also in the
actually the back seat of the van used to film, is the director of both of my
transport the cast and crew. But haters one-man comedy shows. The irony is
will hate. that his character, Jackie, is this serious
The cast includes quite a few industry gangster. I think he has one funny line
stalwarts. Neels van Jaarsveld and in the movie – I find that irony hilarious,
I clicked from day one. He won’t admit it, given that in real life he’s a comedian.

kulula.com AUGUST 2017 51

THE GUIDE THE BIG PICTURE that’s exactly what he gave. He plays

We were only together on set for a few an over-the-top butch-yet-lovable gay
days, but during that time he had to bust
out some Michael Jackson dance moves, bouncer who has the most epic ‘searching
which had me crying. He killed it even
though he’s not the most rhythmically technique’. Nothing would escape him,
inclined individual.
Working with Grant Swanby, one of especially not on a good-looking guy.
the dons of the industry, was priceless.
I’d never worked with him before and tried I really enjoyed watching the on-
to soak up as much of his experience as
possible. Honestly, I was in tears while screen relationship that developed
watching him work as he committed to
the role of his character: a Russian between the two Russian mobsters,
mobster named Kiril. Folks are going to
love him in this movie. Fedor (played by Tyrel Meyer) and Kiril
Siv Ngesi is a piece of work off camera,
but as soon as the director shouted ‘action’, (Grant Swanby). They have a bit of a

52 AUGUST 2017 Pinky and the Brain thing going on. Kiril is

the brains of the operation and Fedor is,

well, in his own world. The relationship

leads to a comedy of errors and

miscommunication, mainly because Fedor

doesn’t really understand English.

Also loads of fun is the local

gangster trio consisting of Jackie

(Stuart Taylor), Fahme (Irshaad Ally) and

PC (Khalil Kathrada). Jackie, their leader,

basically has to keep a constant close

watch on them to ensure that his

orders are executed properly.

Finders Keepers Obviously this can’t happen.
is directed by Maynard Instead, it’s the blind
Kraak and stars a multitude leading the blind, because
of South African acting Fahme and PC are aiming
to show off their own
talent. It opens in leadership skills.
cinemas on 18 August.

westfivefilms.com.

One of the funniest

moments I experienced

off camera was on the completion of

a scene where Lonnie is robbed in a Interview: Keith Bain; Pictures: Courtesy of West Five Films

park in Woodstock. All his clothes have

been stolen, so he’s running naked – his

‘manhood’ covered up out of respect, of

course. When walking off set and into

the road, two random guys walked up

to me. Just as I was preparing to take

photos and sign autographs, one of them

said: ‘Uncle, uncle, why you keep running

naked? We have clothes for you if you

want.’ My immediate thought was:

‘I’m not your uncle – you guys look

older than me, but thank you.’

kulula.com



THE GUIDE SEE THE MUSIC

talentMONSTER people love – it’s what they’re consuming Interview: Keith Bain; Photograph: supplied, Illustration: VectorPot/shutterstock.com
daily on the radio, so danceable pop is
He’s just 14 years young, yet Josh Middleton is on track to probably the smart option. I'm super
becoming the next big thing in dance music. His recent single, open to exploring other genres, though.
‘Monster’, has stormed the airwaves and is accompanied by Wouldn't it be boring if there were only
a kick-ass video that’s worth hunting down on YouTube. one genre?
The song ‘Monster’ is about the end
I started singing when I was five, and As far as I can remember, I’ve always of a relationship and the hurt and pain
the first song I sang was ‘Santa Claus’. been writing songs, but I started taking that comes along with it. The song takes
I actually had to revisit that song recently writing seriously in early 2016 when us on a journey where a girl breaks a
for an M-Net Christmas special. My earliest I wrote and recorded a song called boy’s heart, and the boy decides to use his
memory of music would have to be of my ‘Ceilings Fall’ – it was about my sister. negative experience as a lesson in order to
godsisters and I singing along to the songs Most of the songs that I’ve written for my avoid repeating the same mistake. In the
from the movie Mama Mia. I remember upcoming album have only been sung in video I’m seen walking through Joburg,
being aware of artists like Whitney the shower, but I hope they will be sung in finding my way to where I belong after the
Houston, Michael Jackson and Christina other people’s showers very soon. relationship. The title ‘Monster’ refers to
Aguilera when I was eight – my mom I’ve always loved writing pop music the beast inside that tears us apart – it’s
would play their music in the car. and I think that’s what the majority of the thing that turns us into ‘monsters’.
If I weren't making music, I’d be
working for Apple. I love technology
and have learnt a lot from it. Music has
evolved because of technology, not
only via digital sales platforms but also
because of music-making programs
like Logic Pro X and Komplete 11. And
social media, which exists because of
technology, is the new way for artists to
interact with fans.Technology has even
made it possible for me – as a 14-year-old
– to create, design and program my own
website (joshmiddletonsa.com).
My inspirations range from Sam
Smith to John Legend, but my biggest
inspiration is Lady Gaga. She has been
a successful artist for more than ten years
because she is consistently reinventing
herself through music and her style
– that’s something I hope to bring into
my upcoming album.
I plan to drop my debut album in
February or March next year and
hope to top charts with it – here and
internationally. My dreams? Getting onto
the Billboard Top 100, performing at
Coachella, and opening for an international
artist here in SA.

54 AUGUST 2017 kulula.com



THE GUIDE READ BETWEEN THE LINES

Bittersweet

Maxine Case tells us about her latest novel,
Softness of the Lime, a tale of the relationship
between a Malagasy slave and her Dutch ‘master’
in the Cape in the 1700s.

One of the manuscript’s early readers It’s this ambiguity that was ultimately by his heirs 100 years after this death. The
called it a ‘tangled love story’, and I was
intrigued since it hadn’t been my intention his and Lena’s downfall. I’ve used many way Ma told the story bothered me. Lena,
to write it as such. I’m adamant that it
is not a love story. One of my favourite such sayings in the book; idioms were one our slave ancestress, was so beautiful that
quotes from the book is: ‘What did love
mean to me? It could neither warm you way in which Lena, who’d lost so much, Bantjes, who’d had a wife and numerous
nor feed you. It could not make me free. If
there was love, it was not an equal love; including her name, could remember who legitimate children, fell in love with her. He
we were never equals, so how could it be?’
The title is from a Malagasy idiom: ‘It is she was and where she came from. loved Lena so much, Ma insisted, which
the softness of the lime that is fatal to the
bird.’ I chose this because it encapsulates I was about seven years old when I first was why he left that strange will that
the dynamics of Lena and Geert’s
relationship. If Geert were a more brutal learned about my own family’s slave would benefit his and Lena's descendants,
person, it would have been easier for Lena
to despise him. But he believed himself to ancestry – all because of a mythical since slaves could not inherit at the time.
be a good man, and in some ways he was.
fortune to which my grandmother believed No, he never freed Lena, Ma conceded, but

we were the true heirs. Occasionally, Ma times were different then. Softness of the

would take out a newspaper article about Lime is an imagining of what a relationship

the fortune, and the adults would discuss between the two might have been.

what they would do with the money if From my research, I was surprised to

they ever succeeded in claiming it. This is learn the extent of the reliance on slave

the story: in the late 1700s, a man by the labour – during the Dutch colonial period,

name of Jan Gerritz Bantjes left a fortune in particular – and how the Cape was

in gold in a bank in Holland to be claimed actually a slave society, dependent on the

system for all labour. All institutions were

permeated by slavery.

What struck me most was how

Maxine Case won few accounts of slavery told
the 2007 Commonwealth by Cape slaves actually
Writers’ Prize for Best First Book

(Africa) as well as the Herman Charles exist. In the USA alone,

Bosman Prize for All We Have Left Unsaid, there are more than 2 000 Interview: Keith Bain; Picture: Supplied
and she was shortlisted for the 2016 Alan slave narratives. In South
Paton Award for Papwa: Golf’s Lost Legend.

Her latest book, Softness of the Lime, Africa, only one survives

is published by Umuzi. Maxine will – that of Katie Jacobs,
be a guest at Cape Town’s Open a former slave who was

Book literary festival at

The Fugard Theatre, interviewed when she

6-10 September. was 96. That was in 1910

– 76 years after the abolition of

slavery in the Cape.

56 AUGUST 2017 kulula.com



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58 AUGUST 2017







traLOnST INslation
They went, they saw, they laughed – a few of
our favourite comedians share their holiday
tales and travel travails.

62 AUGUST 2017 kulula.com

THE ANTIDOTE TO IGNORANCE TRAVEL

TREVOR IN there are men playing bagpipes, learn something that I wish to share
SCOTLAND wearing kilts. No black people, though. with you, and I hope you’ll not suffer
But not in a bad way. When I say there the same ills I did. If you do go to
Trevor Noah once tweeted: ‘The more are no black people in Scotland, Scotland, and you are ever offered a
I travel the more I realise how much I just mean there are no black people. drink … don’t! Because, you see, the
I love South Africa.’ Living the dream Scotland doesn’t have black people Scottish are unlike those of us who
in New York, he recently told his because they are further north. Not drink to enjoy. The Scottish drink to
audiences that ‘travelling is the many black things further north. The die. I used to think the Scottish had
antidote to ignorance’. ‘Travel the further north you go, the whiter things an accent. I’ve now learned that it’s
world,’ he said during his most recent become. People, Christmas, the bears. just centuries of people trying not to
stand-up show, Afraid of the Dark. Everything changes. If you went to a throw up. That’s all that is.
‘See another place. Discover a different Scottish person and said, “Excuse me,
point of view. Travelling changes sir, are you racist?” He’d be like, “I don’t ‘My favourite thing to do when
your mind, your perspective, how you know. I never tried.” I was there was try to learn that
believe, what you believe.’ Here’s some so-called Scottish accent. I butchered
more pure travel gold from the show: ‘I was in Glasgow for a week, and
every single day, I would try and it, but I didn’t care. Because, just
‘One of the greatest things you can spot black people. It was a little for fun, when I travel I try speaking
do is travel to a country where they game I played by myself. Every to people in their accents and
don’t speak your language. That’s day, I would just be there,
my favourite thing: going to a place waiting, thinking, “Black see if they can catch me out.
where they don’t speak English, just to person? Black person? Ah! That’s one of my favourite
make you realise how insignificant you No. Statue. Black person? games. So I’d walk into a
really are. You’re not the centre of the Black person? Ah! No. store in Edinburgh, and
universe. There’s another world that Reflection. Black person? I’d just be like: “Good
exists beyond you. Black person?” No black
people anywhere. None. afternoon. I would like to
‘Like, recently, I went to Scotland. buy a pair of shoes.”
And I had an amazing time. The place ‘That’s why I say travelling
was beautiful. It has a different culture. is important. I’d never before ‘He’s like, “Where are you from?”
It’s rich in history. They have the been to a place where there were no “I’m from Scotland.”
rolling Highlands. They’ve got these black people. Scotland was so much “Aye, what part?”
castles, beautiful, perfectly preserved, fun. Every day I was there, I felt like “Johannesburg.”’
hundreds of years old. In the streets, I was learning something new. I did Trevor performs in South
Africa this month for the
first time since helming
The Daily Show.

kulula.com AUGUST 2017 63

TRAVEL THE ANTIDOTE TO IGNORANCE

'There aren't many visit to New York. Although these places
African dancers in Bali, I picked based on price were usually a
so they had a bunch little out of the way, they were always
of Indonesians doing clean and comfortable. But when I arrived
a Zulu warrior dance.' at the place I picked in The Bronx, things
weren’t exactly hunky-dory – it wasn’t
CARVIN IN THE WILD I was the only actual person of African the best part of town, and the hotel
descent in the crowd, all eyes fell on me restaurant had a large “Closed by Health
Nominated for 2016’s Comic of the – everyone wanted to see if I was enjoying Inspector” sign on the door. Things only
Year Award, Carvin Gladstone travels the show. After each ridiculous dance got worse when the hotel manager told
regularly, accumulating funny stories sequence, the entire crowd would turn us it wasn’t safe to go outside at night in
from around the world. His most recent around and watch me to see how I reacted. search of a place to eat. So I was trapped
eye-opening account comes from Bali. If I cheered, they cheered. If I shook my – and hungry. I took shelter in my room,
head in dismay, they refused to clap. only to find that on the street below my
‘They have this tourist attraction – the People wanted to enjoy the show without window (which was not soundproof) a
“Bali Safari”. It’s basically an African-style offending me. That was a lot of fun.’ manhole cover would move loudly every
safari, but in Indonesia. For starters, the Catch Carvin in his one-man show, time a car drove over it. It was a busy
“game rangers” wear khaki safari outfits Coloured President, at the Baxter street, so I was awake all night, pillow
like we do in Africa. That’s already weird Theatre Concert Hall, Cape Town, covering my head in a hopeless attempt
because their vegetation is bright green, so 25-26 August. to shut out the din, while simultaneously
the khaki that works well in our bushveld trying to ignore the pangs of hunger.
actually makes them stand out instead of ANDRÉ IN THE BRONX Needless to say, that night changed my
providing camouflage. Aside from a few hotel booking policy forever.’
of their own animals, they also have all André the Hilarious Hypnotist has a See André at the Guild Theatre, East
the animals you’d find on an African safari. knack for mixing mind-boggling mind London, 2-5 August; the Elizabeth
They don’t play fair. It’s like going to Kruger tricks with side-splitting humour. Sneddon Theatre, Durban, 8-20
Park and finding polar bears searching for He’s quick on the draw with his August; and at the Garden Lounge,
icebergs and panda bears walking around comedy, but takes a different Garden Route Casino, Pinnacle
looking for bamboo trees. approach when travelling. Point, 7 September;
computicket.com.
‘Most outrageous of all, for me, was the ‘Travelling overseas and using the
traditional African dance show that was internet to book accommodation one
tacked on at the end of the game drive. As night before arriving at a destination
you can imagine, there aren't many African seemed like a pretty good idea. I was in
dancers in Bali, so they had a bunch of the habit of booking the second cheapest
Indonesians dressed up like Africans doing accommodation using a respectable
their version of a Zulu warrior dance. travel website, and this had always
worked out pretty well – at least until my
‘People in the audience were mystified
– not by the dancing, but by me. Because

64 AUGUST 2017 kulula.com





THE ANTIDOTE TO IGNORANCE TRAVEL

JOHN IN TROUBLE

Actor and writer John van de Ruit is
best known as the author of the Spud
novels, which have been transformed
to some of Mzansi’s most successful
big screen comedies. And, as he
reveals, he has some bad luck with
his travels.

Words and Interviews: Keith Bain; Pictures: Trevor Npah Portrait by Paul Mobley, Supplied ‘I have a very tenuous relationship with have known it was a comedy, so they when I shuffle past people in my row to
Mother Nature and frequently have started whooping and howling and took get to my window seat. If I look them in
had brushes with her. My first trip to over the show completely.’ the eye, they seem to think it means I
Zimbabwe is a good example. I was on a John performs alongside Ben Voss want them to have my baby. So now I say
houseboat on Lake Kariba with friends. (above left) in the two-man satirical “Thanks” without making eye contact.
On the last afternoon, as we were sailing comedy, Mamba Republic, at Theatre Otherwise they start fiddling on their
back to shore, a terrifying storm struck on the Square, Sandton City, Joburg, phones, and then nudge me and say in a
and capsized the houseboat in the middle 2-19 August, computicket.com. hushed giggle, “I just told my sister I’m
of the lake. The boat sank in about 20 sitting next to Marc Lottering!”
seconds, so we were 1km from shore in MARC IN THE
crocodile-infested water in the middle of WINDOW SEAT ‘I don’t have any comebacks for
a massive deluge. It was a helluva trip, that, so I just say, “Oh, I hope
and although we survived, it woke me up Marc Lottering says he that made your sister
to how quickly things can go wrong when hates driving, mainly happy.” But it never
travelling. In fact, I’ve had so many strange because he has no ends there. She’ll nudge
things going wrong when I travel that sense of direction – me again, and when
some of my friends think I’m cursed. I was plus he’s poep scared I look up, I’ll see the
on a tiny island south of Phuket when that of traffic. It wasn’t cellphone out in front
devastating tsunami struck in Thailand in always like that. As of me, and this woman
2004, and I was hugely lucky to get away a boy, he loved long leaning in, saying: “Sorry,
from that. road trips – especially the man, but I just know she’s
annual pilgrimage to not going to believe
‘I’ve also performed under weird Durban, which his me.” And – click – she’s
circumstances. The craziest was near parents believed included me in a selfie.
the Kruger Park gate. We were hired to was Disneyland. ‘Ag, I suppose I should be
do a performance of Green Mamba at a thankful to those people.
hotel. We assumed it would happen in a ‘When you’re on a plane, It’s because of them that
conference room, but we soon realised I think you should not
– much to our horror – that all the chairs speak unless you’re spoken I don’t fly with a hangover any
had been set up around a massive fire to. It can be an overly familiar more, because I can’t afford to
next to the edge of the game reserve, up environment. People think that look terrible in their selfies.’
against the big fence. It looked like the because you’re a comedian you’re Witness Marc’s comic genius
scene when someone’s about to be voted up for a chat all the time. I’ve in Hashtag Lottering at Pieter
off Survivor. It wasn’t appropriate for learnt that it’s important to be Toerien Theatre, Montecasino,
our little two-man show, but we started aware of how I say “Thanks” Joburg, 16 August – 17
performing anyway, and as we did, four September, computicket.com.
hyenas came up to the fence. They must

kulula.com AUGUST 2017 67

68 AUGUST 2017 hou r sWhat’s that? You’ve got
16 hours in Cape Town? With the clock
ticking, Anthony Sharpe crams in as
much of the Mother City as one heady,
fast-paced day will allow.

6AM

That's right, 6am. It’s early, sure, but this way you get to catch
sunrise and beat the traffic. Make sure you’ve got your walking shoes
handy, because your first stop is a stroll in one of the world’s premier
botanical gardens: Kirstenbosch. Since the garden only officially
opens at 8am, you’re going to be strolling in via Cecilia Forest. There’s
a longer hike from Constantia Nek, but you’re pressed for time, so
alight at the Cecilia Plantation parking lot on Rhodes Drive – about
2km further south along Rhodes Drive from the main Kirstenbosch
entrance. From there, it’s a brisk walk of under half an hour into the
gardens, which are spectacular any time of day, but particularly so in
the morning light. The forest will give you a taste of wildness before
you enter the more manicured gardens.

kulula.com

BREAKNECK CAPE TOWN TRAVEL

kulula.com has partnered with Cape Town Tourism to make getting
there and savouring your city break that much easier. Whether you’re
up for adventure, looking for luxury, keen to try out world-class
restaurants, find one-of-a-kind artworks, or go on a recce of after-dark
haunts, there's an itinerary for you. And with kulula.com, you can fly to
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plus two days’ car hire for R1 999 per person sharing. That means you
can do this madcap 16-hour itinerary twice! To book, visit kulula.com
or call 0861 KULULA.

8:30AM 11AM

Next stop is the oldest wine farm in South Don’t dawdle, though, because there are
Africa: Groot Constantia. This allows you other adorable nuisances to behold at
to tick heritage and booze off your list Boulders Beach, a series of sheltered inlets
in one easy stop. Zoom into Chardonnay with typically calm turquoise waters and
Deli, 200m down the road from the an accessible colony of African penguins. If
entrance, and grab a loaf of artisanal you’re still feeling groggy after your early
bread, some cheeses and preserves (as start (or that wine), now’s the time to wake
well as a couple of quiches and snacks yourself up with a bracing dip, then trundle
for later), then head into the farm for a along the boardwalk to Foxy Beach for a
picnic breakfast alongside the main dam selfie with your tuxedoed hosts. Animal
– it’s a short walk from the parking lot encounters? Check!
along an oak-lined avenue and among the
vines. With your stomach lined, pop into 12PM
the tasting room and wet your whistle.
While you’re there, pick up a bottle of the Southward ho! A national park enclosing
estate’s Brut Rosé. the southernmost tip of Cape Town (don’t
let anyone tell you this is the tip of Africa;
10AM for that, you’ll have to visit Cape Agulhas
another day), Cape Point is gloriously
Head south on the M3, then take either dramatic in winter, when the fynbos is
Ou Kaapse Weg or Westlake Avenue richly green and cloudy skies provide a
towards the peninsula – the former will backdrop for the precipitous cliffs that
take you through the rugged landscape plunge into the waters below. Legend has
around the Silvermine Nature Reserve, it that titan Adamastor was turned into
while the latter provides stunning the Cape Peninsula following the defeat
coastal views over False Bay. The of the titans by Zeus and the gods of Mt
roads converge just before Glencairn, Olympus; standing beneath the lighthouse
so head on into Simon’s Town. If you’re surveying the panoramic vista of deep blue
on schedule, you can stroll along the sea, you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s not
pleasant Main Road past the naval base such a bad punishment. If you’re feeling
and the famed statue of Just Nuisance energetic, walk up to the lighthouse;
– the only canine ever to be enlisted in otherwise the Flying Dutchman funicular
the Royal Navy (considering his – named for the fabled ghost ship that
less-than-exemplary service record, haunts the waters around Cape Point
perhaps a good thing). – will get you there quicker.

kulula.com AUGUST 2017 69

TRAVEL BREAKNECK CAPE TOWN

'Along Chapman's Peak Drive, the
journey really is the destination.'

1:30PM and crafts of varying degrees of cool HOP ON, HOP OFF
and kitsch. If it’s a weekday, grab the
Hungry? Hold it. A sit-down at the rather greasiest, unhealthiest, most wonderful If you’re uncertain about driving
posh Two Oceans Restaurant may seem fish and chips from Snoekies. around the city yourself or Ubering all
legitimately tempting, but it’ll take way day, catch a ride on City Sightseeing’s
too long. Rather chow down on that quiche 3PM hop-on, hop-o Red Bus, which runs
I told you to buy and head northwest, a number of routes including a mini
turning left when you leave Cape Point to Hit the road and head along Victoria Road, peninsula tour, a downtown tour, a
take you on a drive through the faraway which skirts the coastline towards the Cape Point explorer and a wine tour.
villages of Scarborough and Misty city, passing the tucked-away wonder Audio commentary accompanies the
Cliffs, then on through Kommetjie and that is Llandudno, then Oudekraal, tour along the route, meaning you get
Noordhoek to Chapman’s Peak Drive. Here Camps Bay and Clifton. By this stage, you a little context as you cruise around the
the journey really is the destination, as you might be wilting a little, which is why it’s city worry free, with the wind in your
cruise along one of the world’s most scenic time for another icy dip – this time in far hair. citysightseeing.co.za/cape-town
cliff edges, a thin sliver of tarmac and a chillier waters. Any of the aforementioned
testament to the labour of Italian prisoners beaches will do, but since winter’s just
of war. Feel free to stop along the way to about the only time you’ll easily find
gape and take it all in – there are dedicated parking this close to Clifton’s gorgeous
view points along the way. coves, you might as well hit one of those
– they’re sheltered and among the most
The road descends into Hout Bay. If stunning stretches of sand in the country.
you’re visiting on a Friday, Saturday or And you won’t easily forget the icy dip
Sunday, pop into the Bay Harbour Market, you’ll take, that’s for sure!
which is always buzzing with live music,
a solid selection of wholesome grub, a Awake? Great. It's time for a little
natty selection of drinks too, and curios culture. Trundle into the city and

70 AUGUST 2017 kulula.com





BREAKNECK CAPE TOWN TRAVEL

'There's more than one view to be had from the
top of Table Mountain. And every one will melt
your heart.'

Photographs: Craig Howes FEEL THE BUZZ walk a veritable museum mile down had from the top. And every one will melt
Government Avenue, which runs through your heart.
A helicopter tour over Cape Town will the Company’s Gardens and is flanked
change your perspective in around 16 by the Iziko South African Museum, 7:30PM
minutes – or more, depending on your Iziko Planetarium, South African
budget. When you see just how much Jewish Museum, South African National Pick a street: Long, Loop, or Bree.
space there is on top of the mountain, Gallery, Houses of Parliament and the Long Street offers Cape Town’s most
you really get the sense of the city as Iziko Slave Lodge. Pick your poison, or infamous stretch of nightlife, but among
one built around a national park. It’s just sit on a bench and try to spot the the dive bars and sketchy characters
not cheap, but no one ever complained legendary red-eyed albino squirrel that there are eateries big and small. Bree
about a spin in a chopper – besides, it’s stalks the gardens. Street is much more upmarket, with an
the one way to make the absolute most assortment of larney restaurants and too-
of a very short stint in the Mother City. 5:30PM cool-for-school cocktail bars. Loop Street
is a quieter affair but with a growing
helicopterscapetown.co.za You knew this was coming, right? supply of spots where you’ll be tempted
Obviously we were going to send you to linger. The joy of the CBD, though, is
up Table Mountain. There isn’t time to hitting a variety of places, so make a point
climb up, sadly (maybe next time), so of wandering the streets, nibbling on
head to Tafelberg Road and catch the things, popping into late-night galleries
cable car up to the top just in time for and boutiques, and soaking up the weird
sunset – during August, it’s between 6:06 cultural hodgepodge that makes this city
and 6:27pm. Did you pick up a bottle of quite unlike any other on earth.
bubbly like I suggested? If so, now’s the
time to open it. Take a walk around if you Then, when it comes time to go, ask
can. There’s more than one view to be yourself why you’re leaving. And when
you’ll coming back.

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THE CURRY ROUTE TRAVEL

MASALA AND SPICE
ALL THIN&GS NICE

Food fundi Ishay Govender-Ypma has just published a book
of curry recipes gathered from the length and breadth of
South Africa. It’s laden with stories too – tales about the
origins of local curries and spice-centric dishes. Here she
reveals some of what she gleaned while writing it.

pictures: xxxxxxx T here is no single curry that can be deemed ‘South African’. We have a
wide variety defined by cultural and religious groups, not to mention
the regions where these people first arrived. Naturally, migration AUGUST 2017 75
patterns influenced how people moved, taking their foods (and spices) with them.

Our curries are as diverse as our people. Four of the archetypal curries one
should try are the Cape Malay curries (made with chicken, prawn, beans or
lamb); Durban curry (mutton, crab, chicken and a variety of vegetables); the
ikasi (township) curries made mainly with beef or chicken; and the Pakistani and
Bangladeshi curries that have appeared in Gauteng, made by immigrant cooks
running the kitchens around Oriental Plaza in Joburg, as well as stalls across the
northern provinces.

kulula.com

TRAVEL THE CURRY ROUTE

Aside
from its food focus,
Curry: Stories and recipes
from across South Africa
reveals Ishay Govender-Ypma’s
interest in cultural anthrology, so it’s
packed with intimate and fascinating
nuggets about our wonderful culinary
history. It’s published by Human
& Rousseau. @IshayGovender,
ishaygovender.com

I grew up in KwaZulu-Natal, feasting sense is a mix containing ground, dried CURRY’S BEST BETS Pictures: Supplied
on an abundance of curries – spicy, fiery, chillies. Garam masala is a blend that
ambrosial and fragrant. Green mango, has ground, roasted cumin, coriander and I’ve recently been in
green banana, jackfruit, tripe, kidneys, stick and seed spices, but no chilli. This is Durban, revisiting all my
trotters – I’ve had a version of almost something that’s often discernible from favourite bunny chow
everything curried or highly spiced. the colour of the curry. Masala typically joints – Hollywoodbets in
The aim of this book was to create a results in a darker red or brown curry. Spring eld makes the best
community showcase of cooks who are broad-bean bunny, in my
adored and respected countrywide, and Many outsiders assume that Cape opinion. Sure, it’s a betting
to share a slice of their lives through their Malay curries are mild, sweet and laden joint, but they’re used to
stories. I reconnected with places I hadn’t with fruit like dried apricots. This, I gather, serving diners who have no
been to in years – like Bloemfontein, where is because most old cooking books were interest in the odds, and they
I studied – and some I’d never before set written from an outsider’s perspective. also have the Bunny Bar for
foot in, like Bethal and Calvinia. While there are certain dishes that contain takeaways.
raisins or dried fruit, a curry eaten in the
And I learnt so much about curry from home of a Cape Malay person is usually I love the sh and the
the people I met and interviewed, including spicy. And these curries usually contain a crab and prawn curries at
the fact that both the origin of the term little more turmeric than a Durban curry. Impulse by the Sea in Tinley
‘curry’ and the subsequent emergence Manor, where Shamen Reddi
of curry powder as a convenient spice And, of course, I was able to dig deep is the perfect host.
mixture are thoroughly British inventions. to find out what it is that really makes a
Durban curry so unique. The cooks and For vegetarian curries
Interestingly, ‘curry powder’ is experts I interviewed have narrowed it that have been modernised
sometimes used to denote ‘masala’ by down to the level of spiciness (it’s hot!); but retain full avour,
cooks in Indian communities in KwaZulu- the colour (it’s red or brown – not yellow);
Natal. But, actually, curry powder is not the addition of soft-melting potatoes; Simply Divine Vegetarian
masala. Curry powder has a large turmeric in Blairgowrie, Joburg, is
component, while and (if it’s old school) the oil. another favourite – Prashilla
masala in the Durban curry is traditionally Singh’s vegetable butter
traditional known for its comforting, if korma is scrumptious.
excessive, oil slick.
For a taste of several
di erent types of curry, the
magni cent bu et at Ocean
Terrace at e Oyster Box in
Umhlanga is a great way to
treat the family. It’s splendid
value too.

76 AUGUST 2017 kulula.com



TRAVEL TRAILS AND TRAVAILS

tallWALK
Five stellar hikes you
need to do before you die.

78 AUGUST 2017 kulula.com

TRAILS AND TRAVAILS TRAVEL

OTTER TRAIL, TSITSIKAMMA punishing climbs up steps that sometimes
feel like they’re never-ending, but the
The Otter is a five-day trail that runs for rewards are many. Aside from scintillating
41km along some of the most pristine, views across the ocean from the top of
untouched and abundantly full-of-life high cliffs, there are the stretches where
stretches of coast in the country. Regarded you’re hiking across beaches or wading
as one of the finest in the world, it’s named through tea-coloured rivers, or taking a
for the reclusive Cape clawless otter, a cooling break in rocks pools in the forest.
curious-looking creature that we were lucky It’s incredibly magical (and very popular,
enough to spot during our hike – we also meaning you need to book well in advance),
spotted Knysna loeries, several small buck, and the magic continues even when the
an enormous pod of dolphins and some very trail ends on the beach at Nature’s Valley.
bold genets. Amenities along the way are Having trekked to this little village, it’s worth
simple – wooden cabins with bunk beds that staying a while, which is precisely what we
sleep six apiece, no electricity, cold showers, did, rewarding ourselves at Nature’s Valley
and a lapa at each camp with a fireplace. Trading Store with pizzas, cold
beers and the ominously named
Each day of the trail is limited to only 12 Otter’s Asshole – a fairly gross
people, so you won't be disturbed by much shooter that lives up to its
more than the crunch of your boots on the name in appearance.
ground and the crash of the waves against – Anthony Sharpe

the jagged, rocky coast. It’s
not an easy hike by any
means, with some

kulula.com AUGUST 2017 79

TRAVEL TRAILS AND TRAVAILS true what
they say about
ARANGIESKOP, keeping your
ROBERTSON friends close
and your hiking
I’m not sure which part of ‘the Mount buddies even
Everest of the Western Cape’ didn’t sink closer, I grumble, as
in. It’s the perfect initiation for your first we negotiate the first
overnight hike, they said. There’s a five-star of the relentless uphills of the
hut, they said. It’s only 20km, they said. Langeberg mountains in the baking sun.
‘Did you bring your Lycra cycling pant too?’ But my strop slowly disappears as we
they asked, as they appraised my brand fight for every step and are swallowed
spanking new hiking kit, making me pack up by verdant fynbos and nerines, craggy
most of it back into the car. paths, steep ravines, fascinating rock
formations and sheer cliff faces.
It’s only once we’re craning our necks Seven hours later, we’re lying sprawled
upwards to absorb the looming magnitude outside the best-equipped hut in the
of the 1 695m-high Arangieskop in the province, refreshed by a hot shower, and
spectacular Dassieshoek Nature Reserve soaking up the heady sunset views of the
outside Robertson that my beginner’s Koo Valley with its tiny blocks of farmland
bravado dissolves into a whimper. Ja, it’s and majestic mountain ranges.
Day two sees us scaling the 200m peak
80 AUGUST 2017 of Arangieskop, paying homage to the
steel thighs of Oubaas Stevie Arangies,
a teacher from the dorpie below who
reportedly climbed the mountain every
couple of weeks. Then it’s down, down,
down a knee-cracking gorge and into a
rooiels forest.
Soon I’m whinging like a girl, the victim
of what cyclists term ‘The Bonk’. My
bemused buddies force-feed me jelly
babies to get my sugar levels back up
and patiently ignore the more humiliating
details of my meltdown. But five hours
down, we’re all cursing the hiking guru
who failed to mention this endless stretch
in his guidebook. He probably bonked too,
we comfort ourselves.
Suddenly we spy base camp and
the amnesia and unparalleled sense of
achievement beloved by all battle-worn
hill walkers kicks in. We must do
this again, we crow – ja, but next
year. – Carla Hüsselmann

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TRAILS AND TRAVAILS TRAVEL

FISH RIVER CANYON, the meandering river, trudging over sandy collect firewood, prepare dinners, salve
NAMIBIA shores and bounding over rocks. We soon blisters, remove toenails and get our gear
discovered that it’s the soft sand that’s the ready for our next dawn departure.
Some of us had been planning months hardest work. As the canyon widens, the
ahead of our adventure, stocking up scenery changes dramatically. Sometimes The river provided us with numerous
on supplies, and testing hiking boots it looks a bit like the Wild West, a stark, tricky crossings – at times we’d be ankle
that would easily slip on and off for weathered wilderness dotted with wild deep; at other points, the water was up to
the numerous river crossings while mustard bush against a backdrop of our waists and the only way to cross was
comfortably transporting us across 85km flattened buttes and drop-away cliffs and with arms interlinked with another hiker.
of rough, tough terrain. For most of us, high mountain plateaus. In other places, And there was time for frolicking in the
it would be the longest hike we’d ever water too, riding short stretches of rapids
undertaken – and, on our backs, packs the landscape’s as alien as Mars, and taking cooling dips.
stocked with food to survive for five a surreal desert of gravel and
days in a place bereft of anything edible, rock, littered with bedraggled As much as the days were invigorating
without cellphone signal and far from any and adventuresome, I’d say the best parts
emergency assistance. weed-like bushes and happened once the sun went down. Lying
scraggly trees. on the ground, snug in my sleeping bag, I’d
The initial descent, with built-in chains, At the end of each stay awake for hours staring at the stars.
is the most strenuous (and dangerous) day’s hike, we’d find Countless meteorites tore across the
part of the hike, sinking 550 metres into a flat beaches on sky, while jackals howled in the distance
vast fissure that ripped open the barren, which to unfurl our and the enormous yellow moon threw
bone-dry thirstland of southern Namibia’s sleeping bags for a the walls of the canyon into silhouette. In
Richtersveld millions of years ago. After night beneath the those moments, it was impossible to feel
an hour (or two, for the stragglers), we stars. Then we’d more alive. – Keith Bain
arrived at the canyon floor to find a large
sandbank adjacent to
the river, where we
splashed about and
recovered before
moving deeper into
the vast and tranquil
netherworld. Initially,
the canyon is fairly
narrow, hemmed in
by steep walls, giving
hikers little choice but
to march alongside

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TRAVEL TRAILS AND TRAVAILS

HELL’S GATES, ORANGE One of the city’s footing and dipping our feet
KLOOF, CAPE TOWN best-kept secrets into crystal-clear pools. We
(shhh!), the trail stop and admire the intricate
It’s one of those crisp blue-skied, heart- requires a permit
and soul-expanding autumnal Sunday that generally takes at least craft of a super-industrious
mornings, where Table Mountain is bathed two months to secure and only allows spider, spinning a web that
in a golden HD light and Capetonians feel 12 hikers into the sanctuary at a time. looks like it could possibly
vindicated for their insufferable smugness The skill of a professional guide is also ensnare a klipspringer. A hush falls over
about their city. insisted upon, as getting lost in the our group as we proceed deeper into the
perfectly preserved ancient Afromontane kloof with its transcendental light, sheer
Today the usually phlegmatic Mountain forest is likely… As is stepping on a cliffs on both sides and the meditative
Club of South Africa hikers are bursting puff adder or seething Cape cobra, we sound of water tumbling down rock.
out of their well-worn boots with discover the hard way, while we weave Half an hour later and we’re all at a
excitement and the requisite caffeine through the enchanted forest with its dead standstill, awestruck by the glorious
fumes. We’re tackling one of the city’s soaring milkwood, silver, yellowwood and enclosed cascade of water before us – it’s
most jealously guarded natural assets: boekenhout trees. the waterfall with the most perplexing
Hell’s Gates in the magical amphitheatre name: Hell’s Gates. But as we gaze
of Orange Kloof near Hout Bay. Heading up the dark Disa up its shadowy, vertiginous rock
River Gorge, we step face to the promise of light
gingerly on slippery rocks above, I suddenly think that
as we boulder hop, maybe we’re in a heavenly
and then edge along cathedral on the preferable
precipitous ledges, side of the gates of hell.
sometimes losing our – Carla Hüsselmann

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TRAILS AND TRAVAILS TRAVEL

Photographs: Hlengiwe Magagula, Anthony Sharpe, Carla Hüsselmann, Keith Bain; IMFOLOZI Concentration is required, as it’s WALK THE WALK
Illustrations: grzhmelek/shutterstock.com, Fourleaflover/shutterstock.com WILDERNESS here that big animals like to browse. As
TRAIL, KZN well as having a sixth sense about what Don’t think you can simply
lies ahead, Zinosi, our lead guide, has the turn up with a backpack and
From our rocky outcrop, kind of experience that makes us feel safe set o . Many of southern
high above the river, the when we approach certain animals closely. Africa’s trails are booked a
landscape is vast, still and A dozen buffalo are given a wide berth, year or more in advance.
seemingly empty. Then, a movement as well as a bull elephant in musth, a Reserve your place on
– an antelope raising its head – and my hormonal state that makes them cranky. an iMfolozi Wilderness
eye adjusts to the scale. Five, six … 15 Trail either through
bushbuck, their hides the same muddy Days two and three follow a similar wildernesstrails.org.za or
grey-brown as the riverbank. A shadow pattern. After breakfast, we meander with kznwildlife.com; get
beneath the tree shifts and reveals itself: through the bush, climbing low-rise hills on the Otter through
a white rhino, avoiding the midday heat. where the sound of birds is replaced by the sanparks.org; book for the
I’m on the second of four days on the crunch of dry leaves underfoot. An hour Fish River Canyon through
iMfolozi Wilderness Trail in KwaZulu- can pass without seeing anything. With nwr.com.na and go with
Natal’s Hluhluwe-iMfolozi Park, where the black Umfolozi River carving through someone who knows
– with a small group – I’ve discovered a deep valley, the topography suits the ‘sit the way; and do enlist a
that sitting and waiting can be the most and watch’ style of wildlife spotting. reputable mountain guide
rewarding way to enjoy the natural world. for hikes on Table Mountain
Our guides are veterans of many and Arangieskop.
These trails are an opportunity to step walks. Zinosi and his ‘second gun’, Mpile,
outside the confines of a vehicle and gain make it possible to stop worrying about reach down and touch a bleached skull
a richer experience in nature. Designed to encounters with dangerous animals, and showing the perfect fit of a hippo’s incisors,
be as accessible as possible, our overnight instead succumb to the wonder and follow the fresh tracks of a leopard.
gear has been transported to camp by of being at one with nature – a
donkey, so we’re carrying only essentials sensation that’s impossible The camp is designed to have minimal
– water and sun protection – plus such from the seat of a car. impact on the environment and, at the
modern foibles as cameras and binoculars. On foot, we’re able to
The camp is fixed for the season, end of each season, the campsite is
which runs from mid-February to early returned to the wilderness
December, and from there we venture out without the slightest
into a different area each day. human trace. – Hlengiwe
Magagula
On the first and last days, we walk along
the riverbank, crossing it several times.

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LOCAL HERO PARA-CYCLING

goldCHASING
Delia du Toit shares the stories
of three South African athletes
who have their sights set on gold
at the UCI Para-cycling Road
World Championships happening
in KwaZulu-Natal.

The 2017 UCI
Para-cycling Road
World Championships

takes place in
Pietermaritzburg,
31 August – 3 September,

cyclingsa.com.

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AGAINST ALL ODDS LOCAL HERO

T heir passion for the sport
runs at a fever pitch
– possibly more so than
in able-bodied cycling competitions.
Because, for many of these athletes,
competing in outdoor sporting events
seemed impossible – until they
discovered para-cycling.

kulula.com AUGUST 2017 91

LOCAL HERO AGAINST ALL ODDS

MR POSITIVE rugby even while still doing his post- year, he became the first quadraplegic
accident physical therapy. ‘I just did to complete the Robben Island swim
With the use of only his shoulders what I could,’ he says. ‘I’d always loved – even though he got hypothermia in
and biceps, Pieter du Preez has being an athlete and I wasn’t going the process.
accomplished physical feats that most to stop. I just started doing it in
able-bodied people wouldn’t even different ways.’ After all that, what’s next? ‘I’ve got
consider attempting. my sights set on swimming the English
Pieter had been an avid athlete Channel,’ he says, matter-of-factly.
He was the first quadraplegic in the all through his school years, and
world to complete a gruelling Iron Man the accident that paralysed him
triathlon, comprising a 3.8km swim happened while he was at university.
in the sea, a 42.2km marathon and a The crushing blow to his body failed
180km bike ride. Even though he uses a to dent Pieter’s determination to be a
racing chair and hand bike for the latter world-class athlete, though.
two, he still has to make the able-bodied
cut-off times to finish the race – and he’s ‘Look, it was tough,’ he says. ‘Losing
done it four times. His personal record your independence is the most difficult
for the race is 13h24m, well below the part, and a lot of people stay in that
16h50m deadline. negative place, feeling depressed. It’s
understandable. But, luckily, I’ve always
With no triceps, finger or hand been a positive person and I didn’t see my
movement, Pieter competes in the accident as the end of a certain way of
H1 class as a para-cyclist. He’s planning life. I saw a set of new opportunities to be
on giving his all in the Para-cycling Road grabbed. As with anything in life, you have
World Champs that start this month a choice – you can let setbacks get you
– after all, he’ll be looking to defend his down, or you can choose to be positive.
2015 and 2016 titles. And the more you do it, the easier it gets.’

After a car hit him during a road This is a theory that Pieter seems
cycling training session, breaking his to be proving all the time. Earlier this
neck, Pieter started playing wheelchair

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AGAINST ALL ODDS LOCAL HERO

THE DREAM CHASER the able-bodied races he’s already
competed in.
Suffering a stroke when he was just
16 years old, Phillo Verlaat was left Phillo currently trains around
partially paralysed for two months, 13 hours per week and sticks to a
with permanent muscle damage and a high-carb diet to fuel up for the world
speech impediment. champs. ‘I’m so excited,’ he says. ‘It’s
great that it’s being held in South
But, almost a decade later, you Africa this year. Not having a job
wouldn’t believe the country's national right now, competing internationally
para-cycling champion in the C2 is difficult.’
category was once close to giving up
hope. ‘Back then, I felt like a failure. But setbacks won’t get him
Worthless,’ Phillo says. ‘I was a sport down – he’s already proven that
nut and played cricket and rugby, did he can rise above just about
athletics – really anything active. Life anything. And he wants
went on, but it was difficult. others to know they can
too. ‘You have to trust
‘Then, in 2011, I heard about para- that things will work
cycling and decided to give it a try. It out in the future,’
changed everything. Being on a bike he says. ‘You’ll
made me happy again.’ have some ups
and downs,
Just a year later, he competed in but I believe
the nationals and won a bronze medal you can do
in the time trial. And he'd found his anything
new purpose. you set
your mind
‘I had new plans and dreams,’ he says. to. Never
‘The Paralympics being the biggest, give up on your
but even able-bodied races became a dreams, because
possibility. I love competing. And I love I won't give up
the speed!’ on mine!’

He’s still to get to the Paralympics,
but the 947 Cycle Challenge and Cape
Town Cycle Challenge are just some of

''I believe you can do anything you set
your mind to.' – Phillo Verlaat'

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LOCAL HERO AGAINST ALL ODDS

Pictures: Supplied

THE ENDORPHIN Last year, Justine represented South
ADDICT Africa at the Rio Paralympics, ending
in fifth place in the time trials. ‘After
Para-cycling changed Justine Asher’s that, I thought I’d take a break this year
life to such a degree that she describes to focus on running my estate agency
her training sessions as an ‘almost and balancing that with motherhood.
spiritual’ experience. ‘Before being in a car But I just couldn’t – not with the
accident at 18, which broke my neck, I was championships being on home soil.’
a model and an avid runner,’ she says.
‘I was one of those people who are Justine's the current world champion
addicted to the post-run endorphins.’ in the women’s H2 time trials and H2
road race, and already has her sights
She stayed active after becoming set on the next Paralympics. ‘I’m 46
paralysed, swimming almost daily in the now, so I don’t know how long I have
gym, but it wasn’t until she discovered before my body decides it’s had enough,’
para-cycling in 2012 that she felt that she says. ‘But I was 10 seconds away
same rush of feel-good chemicals again. from medalling, so I have to go
for it!’
‘A friend posted a picture of the sport
on Facebook, and I thought it looked Funding is the bigger challenge, she
interesting – why not give it a try? I says. ‘There’s no funding for athletes
became so passionate about it,’ she says. and it’s quite an elitist sport. The bikes
‘Being in a wheelchair often leaves you are all semi-custom and imported,
feeling stuck indoors, and this gave me so it’s expensive. We’re all hoping there
so much freedom back. I started cycling might be more sponsorships in the
everywhere – to the beach, around the future. But so many people have
neighbourhood. I joined a club and started a passion for this sport, and with
racing, and one thing just led to another. passion like that, I believe anything
Being able to compete in international is possible.’
events is just the cherry on top.’

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BEHIND THE SCENES THE AUTEUR

Willy WonkaMZANSI'S
Pieter de Villiers, South Africa’s original
bean-to-bar chocolate maker, has never
even seen Charlie and the Chocolate
Factory. He started out with a vision of
himself making chocolate by hand – then
he built the equipment, shipped in the
beans, and started tinkering…

98 AUGUST 2017 kulula.com