Khuluma Feb 2019

BE YOUR OWN PRIVATE DANCER DISCOVER

DISCOVER
People. Ideas. Things.

Words: Keith Bain, Picture: Supplied STEP UP

Remember the thrill of spending long nights on a dance floor, throwing your hips and arms (and name)
every which way? Even if your clubbing days are over, you needn’t ditch your Dirty Dancing fantasies. Founded
in 1973, Jazzart is one of the country’s most respected dance companies, and while its alumni are world-class
performers and choreographers, it also offers weekly classes that anyone can join. Whether you’re looking to
build core strength, tone a muscle or two, improve co-ordination, find your balance, or simply leap, prance or
pirouette out of your comfort zone, these choreographed movements will keep you on your toes no matter your
age, size or dancing background. It doesn’t mater how fit, flexible or fluid on your feet you happen to be – the
point is to have fun, move and let your brain connect to your body. Adult classes happen Monday and Tuesday

evenings, with Saturday classes for children. jazzart.co.za

Joystick jockeys 104 Furiously fast rides 110 Who’s really scoring? 121 and Masters of movement 129

kulula.com FEBRUARY 2019 103

Trevor Crighton twiddles his kulula.com
thumbs as he witnesses a new
generation of nimble-fingered
athletes cashing in on gaming’s

competitive subculture

104 FEBRUARY 2019

THE MOTHERBOARD OLYMPICS DISCOVER

lectricity crackles through to run through the drills and plot the banks of monitors and controllers, rather
the dimly lit arena. It’s not attacks and parries they’ve honed over than touchlines and goalposts. This is
the charge coming off the thousands of hours of practice and while the rapidly growing world of eSports
computer circuits, but the rumble of conducting detailed video analysis of – competitive electronic gaming. It’s a
anticipation emanating from 20 000 their opponents’ game strategies. massive global phenomenon which drew
eager fans. Many of them, bedecked audiences well in excess of 380 million
in the colours of their favoured team, The arena lights dim and the big viewers last year, generating over $905
have travelled thousands of kilometres screen lights up with the team badges, million in revenue. Prizes from a total
to witness the encounter. Statistics drawing a roar from the crowd. The pool of $24.7 million were awarded in
about their teams’ away matches are teams – each packed with superstars the USA alone – that’s more than
exchanged, praised and picked apart – appear, and the volume soars as the the NBA ($13 million), Golf Masters
by those in the grandstands while the commentator lures the players under ($11 million) and Confederations
real experts broadcast their pre-game the whirling, spinning lights. Titles, Cup ($20 million).
analyses to millions of TV viewers money, pride and bragging rights are
around the world. at stake – it’s time to play. Mzansi’s eSports industry may not
For the teams in the warren of rooms yet be filling massive arenas nor drawing
beneath the stadium, it’s a final chance The atmosphere is familiar – the game multi-million dollar sponsorships,
less so. There’s not a bat nor ball in but it’s gaining ground, with
sight and the pitch is demarcated by two

kulula.com FEBRUARY 2019 105

DISCOVER THE MOTHERBOARD OLYMPICS

Left: Players
briefly celebrate
at Rush 2017. Right:
Champion FIFA player
Julio Bianchi at

Rush 2018.

professional teams not only competing transporting it across the country wasn’t learn from and gain experience,’
at an international level but amassing fun. Tournaments ran in scout halls or in he says.
loyal fans. boardrooms that people had organised
at their offices. Access to internet was As with any sport, injuries can
Today, there are plenty of local still relatively scarce, so local LAN was hamper players’ progress. Former
tournaments. Among the biggest is where it was at.’ competitive eSports player Michele
the VS Gaming Masters where the ‘Stickalish’ Brondani says that carpal
eight top Dota2 (aka Defense of the Incredibly, 15 years later, access to the tunnel syndrome (pain, numbness, and
Ancients 2) teams compete for a share internet – in terms of cost and availability tingling in the hand and arm, caused
of R1.85 million. There’s also a FIFA – remains one of the barriers to the by the major nerve to the hand being
tournament with a prize pool of over growth of the industry in SA. Gabriel compressed as it travels through
R1.3 million which also gains the winner Ramokotjo, co-founder of eKasi eSports, the wrist) is common. Professional
a spot in the FIFA eWorld Cup Global Soweto’s first accredited eSports eSports players also have issues with
Series Qualifiers in Amsterdam. club, calls broadband connectivity mental and physical fatigue from
‘the lifeblood of eSports’. He says that practising and competing, with burnout
But it wasn’t always like this. Barry without broadband, ‘games cannot be from travelling and playing in away
‘Anthrax’ Louzada started gaming at made, players cannot compete with each tournaments also a major contributor
age 19 when he was given an old office other and there is no connection with to many players calling it quits while
PC for his birthday. He was immediately the massive global audience of millions still relatively young.
hooked on the football game, FIFA 99, who watch tournaments via online
and made the leap into competitive streaming services.’ Those young and fit enough to
gaming in 2003, playing Wolfenstein compete can go far, though. eSports
Enemy Territory at the Carousel Louzada says that other obstacles team Goliath Gaming’s Thabo ‘Yvng
casino while the scene was still in its include the relatively high cost of Savage’ Moloi is a 16-year-old FIFA
infancy. ‘Competing used to be a really gaming hardware and the lack of player who placed first among 1 024
laborious process,’ he says. ‘Packing international exposure. ‘We need more participants at the VS Gaming Festival
up your PC – no small task back then, access to international events in order last year. And StarCraft player Edwin
considering the size of the thing – and to play against teams that we can ‘Drager’ Williams won the World

106 FEBRUARY 2019 kulula.com



DISCOVER THE MOTHERBOARD OLYMPICS

Electronic Sports Games (WESG) Africa For some, professional gaming also who took home just over $33 000 for
qualifiers to represent SA at WESG means a career with huge earning winning the FIFA category of the VS
in China. Another Goliath champ is potential. Ramokotjo says eKasi eSports Gaming Festival and placing second in
20-year-old FIFA player Julio ‘BEAST’ was founded because he and his the Global Series Playoffs. By contrast,
Bianchi – he was among 64 players from partner believe there is huge untapped the top-earning global eSports player
around the world to qualify for the FIFA potential among eSports enthusiasts last year was Finland’s Jesse ‘JerAx’
eWorld Cup Global Series Qualifiers in in Soweto. ‘The desire to make an Vainikka, who earned over $3.3 million
Amsterdam where he beat double World impact on gamers from underprivileged by competing in Dota2 tournaments –
Champion, Agge. backgrounds laid the foundation for us $2.2 million of that total came from
to start the club,’ says Ramokotjo. ‘We winning a single tournament: The
eSports is one sporting code in South resigned from our corporate jobs to start International 2018.
Africa which doesn’t suffer from a the company and sought out the best
diversity problem. ‘It doesn’t matter eSports players in the township.’ Ramokotjo believes it’s only a matter
what colour your skin is, what your of time before the sport explodes in a big
gender is, or whether or not you have For those who do indeed reach the top way in South Africa: ‘While our eSports
a disability,’ says Louzada, who is of their game, there is serious money to scene still has a long way to go to rival
currently playing a game as a female be made. South Africa’s highest earner the overseas industry, a lot of hard work
explorer, adventuring through the was FIFA 18 player Shiaan Rugbeer, and passion reside here and incredible
jungles of South America. ‘You can strides are being made to develop the
be whomever you want to be and do industry. With local brands steadily
whatever you want – the only limitation getting involved and passionate local
is the game itself.’ Ashton ‘Golz’ Muller, organisations and individuals spreading
who co-owns the Goliath Gaming team, the word, the future is bright for South
says that for some people, gaming is African eSports – we think things are
an escape from reality – when there really going to explode within the next
are seemingly insurmountable personal five years.’
issues to deal with, a completely
immersive electronic game can be a That explosion is already underway.
welcome and thrilling distraction. Mettlestate hosted a qualifier at the end
of 2018 where one South African team
GET TWIDDLING the scene. You might surprise yourself in each of the four gaming titles (Dota, Pictures: Pregan Pillay, supplied
and nd out that you are pretty good at a CS, StarCraft and Heartstone) won a
‘ e ability to solve problems quickly as game you never expected to play.’ spot to compete in next month’s World
well as awareness of the ever-changing Electronic Sports Games in China where
in-game situation are crucial,’ says Barry Ashton Muller adds that it’s worth the best teams on the planet will compete
Louzada, who has been into gaming since joining a few of the SA gaming for a prize pool of $5.5 million.
the days of FIFA 99. ‘ ese are skills that Facebook groups where it’s possible
get ne-tuned the more you play and the to keep an eye out for anyone looking
better you understand the game.’ for players to join their teams. e
alternative is to put in enough practice
Louzada’s advice for anyone keen and develop skills to the point where
to take it to the next level and start existing teams start to notice who you
competing is to start by watching local are. If you stand out, it’s likely those
and international events online, to get a teams will approach you. Otherwise,
feel for the games and the action. ‘ en, simply start your own team.
attend live events so you can get to know

108 FEBRUARY 2019 kulula.com



They’re lean, mean and may
cause you to rupture your spleen.

Anthony Sharpe drops the
pedal – and his jaw – in some of
the most exciting sports cars that

may be tearing up a road
soon near you

Sport of choice for
Mercedes-AMG One
drivers? We propose the
incontinence challenge – the
last one to pee themselves
while accelerating at full

throttle wins!

110 FEBRUARY 2019 kulula.com

SPORTSMOBILES DISCOVER

THE BLADDER EMPTIER a 90kW Motor Generator Unit-Heat in car, and another two-part wing in the
the turbocharger, which helps increase back. The roof has an air scoop that
What looks like science fiction, drives like heat efficiency. pours air into the engine and there’s also
Lewis Hamilton’s Formula 1 racing car, a diffuser, which works by creating a
and costs (at least) R36 million? That CHARIOT OF THE GODS low-pressure system underneath the
would be the new One hypercar from car, producing down force. This is all
Mercedes-Benz’s high-performance In Norse mythology, the Valkyries were complemented by active suspension
nuts, AMG. a host of supernatural female figures that keeps the car level, negating any
who decided which warriors would body roll.
Adult nappies should come standard live and which would die in battle, and
for the 275 gazillionaires lucky enough shepherded the luckier fallen off to And why are the aerodynamics and
to get their sweaty hands on the Valhalla, where they’d spend eternity down force so important? Because of
steering wheel of one of these limited- preparing for Ragnarök. But entrancing the 843kW of power being pumped out
edition fantasy cars, given that they’re as these mythical maidens might be, by the 6.5-litre V12 engine. This monster
expected to produce a bladder-bursting the Aston Martin Valkyrie seems includes an electric motor that acts
918kW at maximum output. When you a more apt means of getting to the as a kinetic-energy-recovery system,
consider that a contemporary F1 car mighty mead hall in the sky. which helps when launching off from a
produces a combined total of 753kW, standing start and to smooth gearshifts.
you’ll understand why these babies are This level of reality meets fantasy is Interestingly, the electric motor also
being touted as the closest thing to a what you’d expect from a collaboration provides the car’s reverse gear (it was
street-legal iteration of an actual F1 between Aston Martin and Adrian just simpler that way). But who wants
vehicle – that means zero to 200km/h Newey – the chief technical officer of to put a R45 million hypercar into
in less than six seconds. the Red Bull Racing Formula 1 team reverse, anyway?
and the most decorated designer in the
The One produces this power history of the sport. Sport of choice
courtesy of a 1.6-litre single-turbo V6 for Aston Martin
engine, complemented by two 120kW The Valkyrie has been designed as Valkyrie drivers?
electric motors driving the front wheels, aerodynamically as possible, employing Engaging in a little kasi-style
another attached to the crankshaft, and an active wing beneath the nose of the spinning in the parking lot
behind Valhalla before a
half dozen tankards

of mead.

kulula.com FEBRUARY 2019 111

DISCOVER SPORTSMOBILES

Sport of choice
for Volkswagen
ID Buzz drivers?
Surfing, anything involving
teammates, or even a
reduced-scale game
of table tennis in

the back.

LOCKER ROOM THE ELECTRIC from a standing start, the Polestar 1 will
ON WHEELS BIRD HIDE reach 100km/h in under four seconds,

Surfers and harried soccer moms have Volvo makes great cars. Solid, well- at which point the speed-activated rear
known for ages that the minivan is a
real sports car – because it can carry engineered and sensible, if slightly spoiler will rise, only sinking back to flush
you, your equipment and the teams to
wherever you need to play the actual boring. And that’s fine. Because now position when you slow down below
sport. Following its rather messy
emissions scandal, Volkswagen has been we have Polestar, Volvo’s electric high- 70km/h again.) Rounding out the power
leaning hard into the electric future, and
the likes of the ID Buzz are the result. performance brand, which has come is an electric starter motor, giving the car

Basically, it’s a big, bright, airy, up with something really exciting. The a combined power output of 447kW and
potentially autonomous update on the
Kombi, designed to move people and Polestar 1 is a hybrid with a 2.0-litre a thoroughly respectable EV-only range
things from place to place with maximum
efficiency and comfort. It’s powered by four-cylinder supercharged and of 150km.
two electric motors with a total output
of 275kW, and the battery provides a turbocharged engine supplying a meaty All that electric goodness weighs a
claimed range of up to 600km. The great
thing about the drive train is that it’s all 251kW and driving the front wheels. The lot, so the car’s upper body is crafted
fairly flat, which means more space for
you and the gang to do your stretches in back wheels are driven by two electric from carbon fibre-reinforced polymer,
the configurable cabin. And when coach/
mom/dad needs to give a pre-match pep motors putting out 163kW and which is light and increases torsional
talk en route, you can just pop it into self-
driving mode (at which point the steering mated to planetary gear rigidity. Polestar has also fitted
wheel retracts into the dashboard), swivel
your seat and focus on your team. sets, which allow for Sport of choice an adaptive suspension
torque vectoring – a for Polestar 1 drivers? system that monitors
The ID Buzz has just gone into nifty technology that
production and will only be available makes the car more Tennis – against yourself. With your driving and road
in 2022, but it’s got a lot of people very agile and stable this sort of acceleration and handling conditions to keep
excited. We just hope they’ll have decided while navigating things tidy. It’s all
to add curtains for those big windows twisty roads at silly coupled with that panoramic glass
by then. Surfers need somewhere to speeds. (And silly roof, you could probably get a decent
change, you know? speeds it can achieve:
rally going just screeching back and forth frightfully well-
across the nearest parking lot. Good luck engineered, sensible
and progressive. Just
explaining it to the cops, though. For
those who enjoy something more

leisurely, try birdwatching don’t call it a Volvo.
through the glass roof.

112 FEBRUARY 2019 kulula.com



DISCOVER SPORTSMOBILES

ABOVE AND BEYOND Sport of choice
for Rimac C_Two
Let’s talk about the term hypercar. drivers? Drag racing the
It’s been bandied about of late by Millennium Falcon – loser
manufacturers like AMG and Aston buys the Calamari
Martin (see the One and Valkyrie)
but what does it actually mean? The xinphars!
Merriam-Webster Dictionary lists
the prefix ‘hyper’ as meaning ‘above’, you’ll only have to wait another nine BARRACUDA ON
‘beyond’ or ‘excessively’. All of which seconds before you hit 300km/h, which WHEELS
are fair ways of describing the Rimac
C_Two in relation to our normal is just a short hop and a skip away from Back in the early 90s, the Toyota Supra
understanding of a car.
its maximum speed of 415km/h. set many a car enthusiast’s heart
The dictionary also offers ‘that is or
exists in a space of more than three If the G-forces do cause you to pass (and other bits) aflame. Looking like
dimensions’, which seems apt for this
utterly ludicrous semi-autonomous, out or glimpse the unfathomable void a barracuda on wheels, it was easily
all-electric machine.
lurking on the fringes of this façade we tuneable, frighteningly quick and – thanks
With specs like these, numbers start
to become a little meaningless, so call reality, don't worry: Rimac promises to its appearance in The Fast & the
abstract are they in comparison to the
visceral physical effect generated by Level 4 driving autonomy. On top of Furious – developed a cult status among
the C_Two. But here they are anyway.
Four electric motors produce a reality- facial recognition for ignition purposes, a certain breed of motoring enthusiast. It
warping 1 408kW of power - Rimac
claims it accelerates from zero to the C_Two can also sense your mood, was, to many, the pinnacle of what Toyota
100km/h in 1.97 seconds. Assuming you
haven’t lost consciousness by that stage, softening the ride up if you’re feeling represented. And in 2002, it disappeared.

ratty. Or just plain terrified. Until July last year, that is, when

Toyota casually introduced a fifth

generation: the Supra A90. The

new eight-speed automatic, rear-

wheel-drive Supra is powered by a

turbocharged 3.0-litre l6 that produces

a perfectly respectable 284kW (for

an approximately 1.5-tonne car). It’s

still a fast, furious, unapologetically

old-school sort of boy racer, but one

that seems a little more aware of its

Porsche-catching reputation than

before – and will have a price

Sport of choice tag to match. Pictures: Supplied
for Toyota Supra A90 There’s talk of a possible
drivers? Glowering contest
while stopped at a traffic light. hybrid model in the future.
See Vin Diesel’s filmography Toyota likes tweaking
its cars as much as
for strategies and enthusiasts do.
appropriate facial warm-

up exercises.

114 FEBRUARY 2019 kulula.com









CONNECT & COLLECTTHINGS WORTH HAVING DISCOVER
1 The new Trek Domane+ is an electric
version of a popular bicycle that – even sans can do then is buy her something she’ll
inboard motor – has a reputation for treasure until you pluck up the courage –
smoothing out rough roads. Some will call like a bottle of Shimansky’s limited-edition
it cheating, but with 350W of power from its My Girl perfume. It’s fresh, floral-scented,
Bosch Performance Line Speed motor, the and contains a flowery top note with hints
Domane+ helps you flatten hills, conquer of melon and peach. Rose and jasmine
headwinds and ride alongside faster friends. middle notes are underscored by a light
The Bosch drive system sustains speeds of spicy base with hints of wood and musk.
up to 25km/h and travels over 100km on a shimansky.co.za
single charge. The main drawback is the
hefty price tag (R109 999), but for less 1 6 GrandWest Casino and Entertainment
money, there’s Trek’s Super Commuter+ 7, World is revving up to lure petrolheads to
designed for electric-assisted urban is a collaboration with artist Lucie de the Cape Town Motor Show on 2 and 3
commuting. trekbikes.com Moyencourt featuring uppers with a shell March. Apart from exhibitions of cutting-
print with closed toe and ribbon fastening. edge new cars, bikes and trucks, there’ll be
2 It’s that month again – when romantic espadril.co.za displays of experimental and concept
souls contemplate popping the all- vehicles, antiques and collector’s models
important question. If you do propose on 4 Handcrafted on a historic 200-year old dating back to the 1920s. You can discover
Valentine’s Day, consider proffering a Robertson farm, local ceramic pimped-up rides and even put your own 4X4
Shimansky Two Hearts Diamond Ring as manufacturer Rialheim has produced a driving skills to the test. There’ll be drifting
you drop to one knee. The design features beautiful range of tableware and demonstrations, too, and if you’re brave
18K rose gold with a 1.01ct round accessories moulded from clay. The new enough, you can let an expert driver take
brilliant-cut diamond. Shimansky’s expert collection, made specifically for @home you for the spin of your life. Plus food,
jewellers, of course, can craft a ring to your homeware stores, comprises three distinct music, and a chance to win a custom-build
custom specifications, too. shimansky.co.za looks: white and black with an exposed MG. capetownmotorshow.co.za
nude clay rim; scratched sky grey with a
3 Cape Town footwear brand Espadril bronze rim; and scratched matte black with 7 2017’s Vriesenhof Unwooded
borrows from the Spanish art of espadrille a bronze rim. rialheim.co.za, home.co.za
Words: Keith Bain, Pictures: Supplied manufacture. Local artisans combine Chardonnay is a versatile, easy-drinking
imported esparto-rope soles with unique 5 Okay, so maybe you aren’t popping any
uppers to create bespoke and limited- questions on Valentine’s Day. The least you white wine with a screw top for easy
edition designs for relaxed, summery shoes
with a luxurious look and feel. Available 5 pouring and an agreeable price (R100 per
until the end of this month, its latest design
bottle). For those who like to decode what
3
their taste buds can look forward to, this

vintage packs a fruity punch, with citrus,

gooseberries, pear and peach on the palate.

vriesenhof.co.za 7

4 6
23

kulula.com FEBRUARY 2019 119



BALLS AND BANK ACCOUNTS DISCOVER

When it comes to
the economics of
professional sport, it really
isn’t a game anymore.
Anthony Sharpe takes
one for the team as he
works the numbers

T wo hundred and fifty rand. To put it in some sort of
That’s roughly what last perspective, Mayweather made
year’s globally highest- R4 billion last year, more than three
earning sports star, Floyd Mayweather, times the net worth of South Africa’s
makes per second. Assuming it takes top sporting earner, Ernie (more than
you nine minutes to read this article, everybody) Els, who has managed to
consider that by the time you reach accumulate something in the region
the last line the boxer would’ve earned of R1.3 billion over the course of an
around R67 495. That’s more than what illustrious career that consisted of
85% of South Africans earn in a year. hitting a ball with a stick, then
Now consider that Mayweather punches walking after that ball to repeat
people in the face for a living. the process.

kulula.com FEBRUARY 2019 121

DISCOVER BALLS AND BANK ACCOUNTS

FINANCIAL GOALS as incredibly wealthy – it pales in Town Stadium for example, bear in mind
comparison to the roughly R1.4 million that at R70 per square metre, it costs
But it’s no secret that there’s major former Bafana Bafana captain Steven R822 430 to replace the turf on the
money to be made in ball chasing. Last Pienaar earned while at Sunderland, playing surface of the pitch. Of course,
year twinkle-toed Zimbabwean football his last European contract following a you could just rent the whole thing for
forward Khama Billiat defected from lucrative career abroad. Pienaar then R500 000 a day. Really though, please
Mamelodi Sundowns to rivals Kaizer played another six months back home rent it. Despite hosting an average of
Chiefs. The reason? A purported for Bidvest Wits for the paltry sum of 81 events annually over the past three
R10 million per year deal – roughly R400 000 per month before retiring at years, the stadium is running at a loss
R833 300 per month. That’s a staggering age 35 – something most of us can only of R60 million, which comes out of the
salary, and makes him, by a vast margin, ever dream of doing. Pienaar probably pockets of – you guessed it – taxpayers.
the highest earner in the PSL. Still, even feels reasonably secure in his pension
the Joe Schmoes of the league can hardly plan, with a net worth slightly north of ON THE UDDER HAND
complain – the average player earns a cool R520 million.
monthly salary of R110 000 to roll around One repeatedly vetoed suggestion for
on the ground and occasionally kick a ball. Part of soccer’s worldwide appeal is Cape Town Stadium has been to make
its simplicity: you only really need a ball it the home of Western Province Rugby.
While Billiat’s three-year contract and level ground to play. But if you fancy The only problem is that Newlands is
with Chiefs will make him comfortable playing somewhere quite fancy, like Cape quite nice, you know, and these rugby
– if you understand comfortable

BIG EARNERS
From left:

Golfer Ernie Els,
boxer Floyd Mayweather,
Kaizer Chiefs midfielder

Khama Billiat

122 FEBRUARY 2019 kulula.com





BALLS AND BANK ACCOUNTS DISCOVER

okes are pretty traditional. Or maybe financially greener pastures in the UK, WE CONTROL
they just can’t afford it. Naas Botha has Europe and Japan. THE HORIZONTAL
been kicking oddly shaped leather balls
and talking about other men kicking Not helping matters one bit are the You might have noticed there’s hardly
oddly shaped leather balls for almost financial woes of the South African any live sport on public television.
four decades, and is as much a legend Rugby Union (SARU), which reported a That’s because MultiChoice owns most
for his bull’s-eye boot on the field as (before-tax) loss of R33.7 million in 2017. of the broadcast rights to it. This has
his frequent references to udders and The union draws money from ticket caused some consternation among,
hands in the studio. The flyhalf scored a sales, which have seen a big decrease, well, most of the country. Cosatu went
healthy 2 511 points in 179 appearances with season passes for major stadia like so far as to threaten a protest outside
for Northern Transvaal (now the Blue Newlands and Kings Park down by 50%, a New Zealand v South Africa Rugby
Bulls), but claims that players were only as well as sponsors (Absa and BMW Championship match in 2017. Broadcast
paid R5 per match. Those were the dark pulled out a few years back). And then rights are not cheap though - for the
old days, though, of course. And Botha there’s the little matter of TV rights… 2013/14 to the 2017/18 seasons of the
has surely earned more in his many PSL, MultiChoice spent more than
years as a pundit for Supersport. Which Now and R2 billion to own the space. And for the
makes you wonder why, in 2016, his then: Rugby 2016 to 2019 seasons of the English
estate was provisionally sequestrated heroes Tendai Premier League, it paid in the region of
by the high court because he owed more Mtawarira and a pupil-dilating R6 billion. Again, this
than R1 million in mortgage payments Naas Botha is to watch grown men diving over one
on a property near Tshwane. another’s feet before breakdancing in
mock agony.
Today’s local rugby players really
have nothing to complain about then Now consider that the SABC is
– the average South African Super unfortunately better at dribbling
Rugby player earned R1 055 440 last money all over its shirt than aiming
season (excluding win bonuses). Tendai for a financial goal; although the
Mtawarira earned more than any other public broadcaster has improved its
South African in the competition, living performance following a staggering
up to his nickname by raking in a beastly R1-billion loss in the 2016/17 financial
R3 744 796. In 2017, Western Province year, it still squandered R622 million
Rugby spent R78 million on 128
contracted players, the Bulls R68 million from 2017 to 2018. While regulations
on 151, the Lions R66 million on 117 and mandate the SABC must cover
the Sharks R65 million on 111 players. certain competitions deemed
That may seem like a ton of money, but national sporting events (such as
consider that 66-cap Springbok and the FIFA World Cup, Rugby World
former Bulls flyhalf Morné Steyn earns Cup and Cricket World Cup,
in the region of R700 000 a month at the African Cup of Nations,
Parisian club Stade Français – more and the Olympic Games),
than double that of Mtawarira. It’s long it can hardly afford to
been tradition for local rugby stars to fork over for rights to
spend the twilights of their careers annual leagues and
earning mega bucks overseas, and South tournaments.
Africa is suffering a drain of talented If you think any of
youngsters lured by the promise of this sounds expensive,
prepare to learn that
media conglomerate

kulula.com FEBRUARY 2019 125

DISCOVER BALLS AND BANK ACCOUNTS

Star India paid just shy of R35 billion consider the embarrassment handed to earners. Floyd Mayweather has been
for the 2018 to 2022 broadcast rights the nation by the boys over the years. convicted three times for violence
to the Indian Premier League. The against women, yet fans have still
glittering, gold-leafed, throwing-hitting- On the rugby field, it’s not much better. queued up and tuned in to make him a
catching cricketing spectacle is an orgy Last year SARU spent R101.6 million on multi-billionaire. Now ain’t that a slap in
of financial excess – last year, the Royal player salaries. Of that, R85 million went the face to women everywhere...
Challengers Bangalore paid around to the Springboks, R14 million went to
R1.75 million per month (per month!) for the men’s Sevens team (who might well Tennis
the antics of one AB de Villiers. That’s have been the pride and joy of SA rugby superstar Serena
R43 750 for every run he scored in the for the past couple of years), and just Williams and, above,
tournament. Bludgeoner and death R2 877 600 went to the women’s our underhyped
bowler Chris Morris isn’t doing too badly Sevens team. That’s less than 3% of national soccer
over there either, pulling in a trickle the pie. squad, Banyana
north of R1 million per month.
As for cricket, a furore erupted last Banyana
Which all makes the roughly year over the issue of pay disparities
R6 million paid annually by Cricket South between the men’s and women’s
Africa to Proteas captain Faf du Plessis teams, prompting Cricket SA to adopt a
seem rather paltry. Meagre salaries like ‘memorandum of understanding’.
this might have been part of the reason
why CSA last year was able to record It’s hardly an exclusively local
a R350 million profit over the previous issue; last year Serena Williams
financial year. was the highest-earning female
athlete of 2018, raking in a
THE XX FACTOR staggering R247 million, but she
didn’t even make it onto the list
In November last year, the South of the 100 overall top-earners.
African national women’s football
team, more affectionately known as If you’re wondering how on earth
Banyana Banyana, qualified for the that’s possible, it’s worth taking another
FIFA Women’s World Cup for the first brief look at the top of that list of top
time. In December, they lost to Nigeria
on penalties in the final of the Africa
Women Cup of Nations – the fifth time
they’d reached the final. They’ve twice
qualified for the Olympic Games – the
same number as the men’s team.

If these look like interesting figures,
try this on for size: the bumbling
Bafana Bafana players allegedly earn
R30 000 for a draw and R60 000 for
a win, while their female counterparts
have been getting R4 000 for a draw
and a little under R6 000 for a win. A
new sponsorship deal with Sasol has
apparently improved matters, but the
disparity is startling, especially when you

126 FEBRUARY 2019 kulula.com





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kulula.com FEBRUARY 2019 129







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