KHULUMA January 2020

THE STORYTELLERS EXPLORE

spinners
Their Afrofuturist tendencies are
shaping the reality we live and
breathe. Mart-Marié du Toit
sat around the fires with eight
storytellers who have looked
across time and space, and gazed
into the eyes of Africa’s future

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1
Kamo Mogashoa is a born storyteller for whom the term
Afrofuturism ‘sparks ideas of what the Africa we love may look like if we
take the time to dive into ourselves and take personal responsibility
to recreate it’. Although today she’s creative director for Idea Hive,
a pioneering brand storytelling company, Mogashoa grew up in
a world where self-expression felt taboo. ‘Now we have the
opportunity to tell our own authentic stories to the rest of
the world and change the narrative. I dream of an Africa that
celebrates diversity by redefining world experiences for Africans.
My art cuts across borders – driving the idea that we should
celebrate our very own superheroes. People like Caster Semenya.’
Mogashoa’s artwork, Faster Semenya, portrays the athlete as the DC
Comics superhero The Flash, who has been gifted with the superpower of
speed. In this portrayal, she lets Semenya cross over from purely African, to
an international superhero, worthy of wearing the logo of The Flash. ‘We need
to tell their stories in whatever medium we can and pass those stories down to
generations in the hope of instilling self-belief in our children – belief in a better
future.’ Her images are changing the way we think about Africa. And it’s about time.

2

Lyrical storytelling with a hip-hop vibe is what
Zulu Government does best. He is grounded in the
Africa of the future and his music reflects his Afrofuturist
dream. ‘To me, it’s being part of a revolution of telling
African Stories,’ he says. ‘Stories that are not rooted
in Europe and America. These stories are rooted in my
culture, my art, my food, my music. It’s about knowing
where you are from and telling those stories through
your own unique African lens.’

He blends traditional Zulu storytelling with modern
music to convey messages of belief and aspiration.
‘I want to let people know that they are free to think and
to believe in a better future. By using my own vernacular
language, I bring it into the modern world using urban and
hip-hop influences. I’m trying to mould something new out
of the African roots where I come from,’ he explains. His
inspiration? ‘The Zulu language is full of storytelling in
everyday conversations. We speak in metaphor for a much
richer understanding. When you have a conversation in
Zulu, there are many, many layers of meaning. I use this
storytelling tradition in my music.’

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3 THE STORYTELLERS EXPLORE

Farah Sayed is a poet, 4
multilingual storyteller and
founder of Poetry & People, Photographer Goodenough Mashego
a collective that connects believes that his better future is digital.
local and international poets ‘To me, Afrofuturism is a platform
across KwaZulu-Natal. Her presented by the fourth industrial
work consciously embraces revolution to envision a digital future for
her heritage as an Indian of Africans from all over the world. To create
Arab and Gujarati descent, a virtual Africa with its cultural and artistic
while she is also a proudly beauty without the age-old obsession of
‘African artist born in Africa’. the diaspora physically returning home – to
‘Afrofuturism is the telling the motherland. Our future as Africans
needn’t manifest itself in a physical
of undiscovered stories,’ continent, but rather in a virtual world
she says, ‘unearthing where the aesthetics of our culture and
wealth of our heritage can be explored,
the strategically hidden shared and celebrated.’ Mashego’s
narratives.’ She says that upcoming project, What My Camera Saw,
what’s required is more is a celebration of everything African,
listening in order for people encompassing many artistic genres and
to better understand one utilising tools such as YouTube and other
another and to grasp the platforms to reach a wider public. ‘My point
of departure has always been evangelical
underlying messages – to use art as a tool to teach and learn in
carried in the stories a way that encourages perpetual learning.
we tell. Storytelling is Africa in my art is a mother who never
about speaking our truth, stopped lactating, even when her children
celebrating who we are,
and empowering us to ask had stopped breastfeeding – an
questions fearlessly, eternal mother.’
The eternal Mother Africa
she says. Mashego dreams of has no
borders, he says. ‘I dream
kulula.com of an Africa without
borders and laws that
restrict movement; an
Africa that can have
its Woodstock festival,
coupled with art exhibitions,
installations, bonfire chanting,

voodoo sessions and cross-
continental collaborations. That would be
magic. That would have what we call the
real Afrofuturistic appeal.’

JANUARY 2020 101



THE STORYTELLERS EXPLORE

5 REVOLUTIONARY RETE ING
The Soundz of the South is a musical collective that uses hip-hop and poetry to spread revolutionary messages,
raise consciousness and critique neoliberalism. Their November 2019 performance at Cape Town’s Infecting the City festival
retraced the steps that ordinary people take every day commuting from Khayelitsha into the city using a train.
They believe that Africa is the future, and that suppressed African narratives can now be on the forefront of a world that
has traditionally shunned them. ‘It is a chance to preserve our own art and culture, for our own stories to be told by us, the
way we want them to be told, not represented by white capitalist mainstream media. It is an opportunity for us to disrupt
whiteness as we know it and have experienced it.’
For Soundz of the South, Afrofuturism is a movement for the people of the African diaspora to claim back their heritage
and culture and to assert themselves in the world. ‘We aspire to be free from all forms of oppression, all chains, restrictions…
The only tomorrow that is better is one where everyone is free. That is the inspiration behind our art.’

6
Joburg photographer Kgomotso Neto creates imagery that sparks conversations about what it means to be a
South African. His photographs effortlessly reflect both the grime and glory of the city he inhabits. ‘I’m the type that creates
when I feel there’s a need to or when I feel inspired to do so. Inspiration comes in different forms and from different places.’
His lens tells powerful stories because his aim is simple. ‘I just want to create stories that resonate with me as an African,
I want to create African stories for African people.’ These photos are relatable because they highlight the everyday life of
South Africans.

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 103

EXPLORE THE STORYTELLERS 8 Pictures: Osborne Macharia, Time and Humble, Kgomotso Neto, Supplied
Derek and Beverley Joubert started their
7 Great Plains organisation in order to use eco-tourism as
a tool to sustain conservation projects across Africa. For them,
Musical powerhouse and multi-award-winning Afrofuturism means the narrating of conservation stories.
Candy Tsa Mandabele says the changing narrative of ‘Finding the right formula to make a lasting, sustainable
Afrofuturism is the basis of her career. ‘I have made it my difference to the world’s iconic wildlife and wilderness. It’s about
business to combine different cultures, packaging them owning our future.’ Through the films they produce, they create
in ways that make sense commercially without distorting awareness about the importance of taking care of wildlife to
each culture’s origins.’ Tsa Mandabele is passionate about make it possible for future generations to experience that aspect
the freedom of cultural expression. ‘My performances are of Africa. Each film tells a different story designed to empower
packaged in such a way that an African child can see that communities, which in turn create an Africa for the future.
expressing yourself through your culture is not bad at all, ‘A good example is Tribe versus Pride – a film about the Maasai
in fact it is what makes you unique and authentic.’ Her Olympics, a project we help fund but that was initiated by the
uniquely African sound was a conscious choice, and one Maasai elders,’ Derek explains. The film tells the story of the
that has served her well over the almost three decades Maasai warriors who are replacing lion killing with sports. Which
of her career. ‘In my head, I had figured out how to make underscores the Jouberts’ dream of an Africa where people and
sure my culture, language and way of living are expressed animals can coexist.
through the music I wanted to produce. I am so glad that
is what I did. Through my lyrics which are mostly delivered kulula.com
using Khelobedu, Shona, XiTsonga and other African
languages, using a very African sound drawn from various
cultures in South Africa and Africa as a whole, I am able
to enforce the importance of speaking and embracing
your own language. I am an African, and my Africanness
is expressed through my music and the image I present
digitally and on stage. This is very important to me.’

104 JANUARY 2020







ADVERTORIAL

ROGER FEDERER
JOINS FORCES WITH
RUNNING BRAND ON

Long-term wearer of the On brand and tennis superstar
Roger Federer will not only be investing in the business,
but will also be directly involved in product development
and marketing

In November 2019, Roger Federer and On announced a unique
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athletes with one of the fastest-growing brands in the history of
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Based in Zurich, nine-year-old On has taken the athletic footwear market
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technology. As a result, On is a racting the fastest-growing global fan
community and has joined the ranks of the leading brands in the US, Europe
and Japan. The brand’s footprint is also growing in South Africa, where it is
being distributed by Tifosi Sports.

“I’ve been a fan of On and its products for a while, but a er talking to the
founders I realised we have a lot more in common than just our Swiss roots,”
says Federer, currently ranked number three in the world in men’s singles
tennis. “I’m excited to be part of the On team and to work on the future of
a next-generation global sports brand.” Federer revealed that the first new
products he is working on will be finished and released in 2020.

On co-founder Olivier Bernhard, a former World Duathlon champion, says
the relationship developed naturally. “We noticed Roger wearing On shoes
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On and, of course, we are long-time fans of his. Switzerland is a small place,
and we started having dinner together,” Bernhard says. “It became clear that
there was a unique opportunity to forge a joint entrepreneurial path, which
is very different from an athletic sponsorship that a big company would do,”
says Bernhard, commenting on the unconventional relationship. “We value
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You can find On running shoes at most leading sports retailers and running
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A DOG’S LIFE EXPLORE

From around half-a-million wild dogs that
roamed the continent a century ago, there
are now fewer than 7 000. A new book of
photographs by Nicholas Dyer highlights

the plight of an iconic African species
that was nearly forgotten

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 109

110 JANUARY 2020 kulula.com

A DOG’S LIFE EXPLORE

PREVIOUS PAGE: Meet Lycaon pictus – commonly known as the African wild dog, Cape hunting dog JANUARY 2020 111
and painted wolf. It is neither a wolf nor a dog but in a separate genus of its own – Lycaon.

TOP LEFT: Wild dogs are born in dens, often an old aardvark hole. They stay there for three months
and then resume a nomadic lifestyle, ranging huge distances.

BOTTOM LEFT: Painted wolves live in packs and are Africa’s most efficient predator and around
80% of their hunts are successful. They are also Africa’s most persecuted creature with only
6 500 now left in the wild. A century ago there were half a million.

ABOVE: Wild dogs have tight social bonds and live in close knit packs. Each develops a specialist
role, from hunt leader to babysitter – there’s even a pack medic.

kulula.com

BOTTOM: Highly social, wild dogs love to have fun and play games with each
other – the pups are especially playful and seem able to find enjoyment in
almost anything.

RIGHT: Only in Mana Pools do wild dogs hunt baboon. This image of the
aftermath of one pack feeding on a baboon was a winning entry in the
2018 NHM Wildlife Photographer of the Year competition.

112 JANUARY 2020 kulula.com

A DOG’S LIFE EXPLORE

All images by Nicholas Dyer, from the book, Painted Wolves: A Wild Dog’s Life by Nicholas Dyer and Peter Blinston Wild dogs – also known as painted dogs and painted wolves – are among Africa’s
most enigmatic creatures. They are also among the most persecuted animals
on the continent and only recently has there been any sort of intervention from JANUARY 2020 113
conservationists. For six years, Nicholas Dyer spent time on foot photographing
three packs in Mana Pools National Park, Zimbabwe. Many of the photographs
captured during this time are in Painted Wolves: A Wild Dog’s Life, a beautiful new
book co-authored with writer and conservationist Peter Blinston. All proceeds from
its sale go directly to support the authors’ Painted Wolf Foundation that is working
to save the dogs from extinction. paintedwolf.org, nicholasdyer.com

kulula.com







OLD TYRES, NEW FUTURE DISCOVER

DISCOVER
People. Ideas. Things.

SAVING THE PLANET ONE TYRE AT A TIME

Believe it or not, it’s Veganuary. That’s right – as if Dry January
and Meat-free Mondays and that fed-up teenage Swedish girl
aren’t enough to keep your conscience in check, vegan crusaders
like Joaquin Phoenix are calling for a global push to dramatically
reduce and even eliminate meat consumption. It’s only one month,
but who knows what dramatic health benefits might ensue – never
mind the massive opportunity to actively contribute to slowing
climate change. Keep in mind though, that if you’re planning to
call yourself vegan, even if only for a month, it’s not only meat
and dairy, eggs and honey that you need to steer clear of, but also
leather made from animal hides. Don’t panic, though, because just
as there’s a fast-growing alt-meat industry producing burgers that
bleed beetroot juice, vegan leather is also a thing. The handsome
bag pictured here was handcrafted by Nick and Nicole Nyalungu,
the Mpumalanga husband-and-wife team behind Nick & Nichol’s.
They started their vegan leather accessories business in 2016 in an
attempt to address the seldom discussed side-effects of the leather
industry, such as the impact on the environment of curing and
tanning skins. By contrast, the Nyalungus make use of used car and
truck tube tyre inners to produce handmade, upcycled accessories
such as sling bags, handbags, totes, travel bags, toiletry and
stationery bags. Some come with pretty, colourful shweshwe
inners or buttons for a decorative touch. They’ve also begun
experimenting with vegan leather shoes, beautifully designed with
an inlay of shweshwe. You’ll find them online or at their shop at the
Casterbridge Lifestyle Centre in White River. nickandnichols.co.za

119 131 143Hobby yourself white
Plant based and delicious Designing tomorrow’s Africa

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TRY FOR WHITE DISCOVER

Hobby horse
Our cover star’s alter ego, Coconut Kelz has never

been one for whitewashing. Her debut book is laden

with great advice on fitting in amongst Mzansi’s

privileged classes. In this chapter on white people’s

pastimes, she reveals how to hobby your way

into Caucasian circles, proving that with a simple

accessory – such as a pony or yoga mat – you too

Our cover star’s alter ego, Coconut MKezalznshia’sspnreivvileergbeedecnlacosansneeflseo.arInrwnthhtioitseawcnshakoastfphogtirneorgitnh.ogeHnyemworauhdnrietawebguapetyerbowopohleke’snisptlhaasidntegimns ewasri,eth
great advice on fitting in amongst

she reveals how to hobby your way into Caucasian circles, proving that with a simple accessory – such as a

pony or yoga mat – you too can learn to ask for the manager when things are not going your way

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 119

A s the most trusted not, I am here to help so that you can that fall into this category: postage
and accurate source live your best life and attain that golden stamps; dolls (porcelain and otherwise);
of information and the membership to the Caucus. insects; coins; comic books; action
source behind most figures; stones/rocks; ships in bottles; and
This, of course, is not to say that the antiques (if they’re just to look at rather
degrees, diplomas and speech quotes, blacks never partake in hobbies – but toyi- than for resale or being actively used).
toying and cleaning are hardly fun, now
Wikipedia defines a hobby as ‘a regular are they? In this chapter, I will take you Keep in mind that even if your item is
through the very best of white hobbies not on this list, if it does not walk or talk
activity done for enjoyment, typically and how you can use them to better and is locked in a light-free room, I’M
yourself but also to entrench yourself TALKING ABOUT YOU. Because there are
during one’s leisure time’. firmly in a white community. certain things that make you sad just
watching them from afar. It is the same
It goes on to say that, ‘Hobbies You will notice that most, if not all, feeling you get from watching shows
the hobbies require some form of club like Hoarders.
include collecting themed items and membership. That speaks to both the
exclusivity and the refined classism, with Right, let’s move on swiftly to hobbies
objects, engaging in creative and artistic a sprinkling of racism, that keeps most that will not keep you chaste forever.
black people out – with the exception of Hobbies that encourage camaraderie and
pursuits, playing sports, or pursuing a few good ones, like Cyril Ramaphosa. awesomeness. Hobbies that will multiply
your white points as much as speaking
other amusements.’ A word of warning. No matter what to the manager does. Not only will these
the nerds around you say, collecting stuff hobbies earn you points, but they will
Now, if that is not enlightening, I don’t or preserving stuff is not a hobby. So, if also help you to find your perfect un-
you have a basement, an attic, or even melanated partner to continue doing said
know what is. While I myself have many a drawer filled with archaic objects that hobbies with.
you merely look at and never use, then
hobbies that have become a part of my you are at the bottom of the totem pole Polo
and are what my friends and I would
life since leaving the dark days (literally) call a loser (while holding an ‘L’ to our Polo has been voted Whitest Sport in
foreheads for extra emphasis). Here’s South Africa by the Caucus Sport Board.
of primary school, most black people do Polo is a great sport that is out of reach of
a list of different kinds of collections regular skebengas because it is also one
not. In fact, they will even proudly tell of the most expensive sports. Expect to
learn new horsey lingo and put aside
you, ‘I do not hobby,’ which is not only a few thousand to buy the right attire so
you can fit right in.
grammatically incorrect but also means
Black people tend to suffer more from
that they are usually more into Melville’s dander-related allergies than white
people, which is one of the reasons why,
bars than its koppies (hills). But fear even though there are polo events that
black people invade by the hundreds,
it usually only happens twice a year.
And anyway, Maps Mapo will be there.
Although he is a black, he is also white-
friendly – we love him, he speaks so well,
he is calm and he has shortened his name
so we can all pronounce it. Maps is one

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TRY FOR WHITE DISCOVER

of the good ones. He will keep the others white friends and have already chosen than one or two of them go anywhere
calm so that they do not become rowdy, an easy-to-pronounce name like Kelz – near ice unsolicited. That includes
leave their marquees and move towards doing skating. They are also easy to spot skiing and snowboarding, which should
the polo field. because they will have what definitely be added to your list of hobbies.
African people call ‘relaxed
The safest areas for you to be in during hair’ (they call it this because France and Switzerland are the best
those high-density moments is honestly it is the opposite of their very places to go on a snowy adventure and
at home or in the official team marquees. stressful Afros). we know how difficult the European
In the latter, you will find people looking Union makes it for black people to obtain
to buy and sell horses and just enjoy the Firstly, there is skateboarding. The nice Schengen visas – thank God! LOLz!
actual game. The dress code for these thing about skating is that the names I mean, they simply do not know how
events is usually derby cocktail chic explain so well what you should expect to holiday and leave. They must always
but, on the quieter days, remember and do. You skate on a board. See? Easy. stay extra long and have a million babies
that looking like you’re going to see and take over the workforce and demand
a man about a horse (this is an old English Now, when I went to my first skate things to change to their liking and kill
expression – if you don’t know it, your park, I was unaware that there was an a bunch of native… Oops, never mind!
conversion is not yet complete) is best. official uniform. The only shoes you may
wear are DCs – Google it for reference.
Even if you have no interest in horses They are a sight for sore eyes but by gosh
at all, you should find a non-threatening do they work. They want to make your
friend and become a member of micro-aggressions truly pop, which is
a horse-related country club – for a useful tool for your transformation.
example, the Inanda Club right in the
heart of Sandton. They are not at all Then there is rollerblading or -skating.
liberal with membership, so you know it This is especially difficult for black people
is safe. It is the perfect place to eat and because of their broad feet. Balancing is
drink and land a great catch. also tricky for them – once again, because
of their build.
Now, if you are a man and are reading
this, please note that, if you are not a polo And rollerblades are pretty expensive
player, you should own a few horses or at (I mean, not for me coz my dad is rich,
least have enough money to constantly but for some of you they might be and
have conversations about wanting to get especially for the less fortunate – black
into the game. Otherwise, you are of no people). This is the perfect activity for
value to us as Caucasian and Caucasian- getting away from Them.
adjacent women.
The last kind of skating is of the on-ice
Skating variety. Ice skating is probably the most
Caucasian activity on this list. This is
Skating can refer to a number of activities because black people are obviously
and yes, you guessed right, they are all all from Africa and Africa is very hot.
pretty white – which, for me and for many ‘Scorchers’, as we in the community
of you, adds to the appeal. say. It has been scientifically proven
that, although black skin used to be an
Scientifically speaking, because of their insulator (this is due to generations and
bigger skulls, broad feet and exaggerated generations of black people not having
bums, black people typically cannot adequate housing, so they had to store
balance on skates of any kind. This is why heat for the winter), this is no longer
you will only find a few of us – who are the case. These days, they get cold very
built more Caucastically, who only have quickly; thus, you will never see more

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TRY FOR WHITE DISCOVER

Mountain biking Swimming

White people love going up mountains If you went to a school like mine, you
and down valleys on bikes. This wonderful will know that half of Them do not know
activity usually takes you out of Joburg to how to swim and the other half refuse
the dorpie-type places around the major to because, unlike you and me, their hair
cities. We all know how those places does not take well to chlorine. No, not
treat unwanted members of in the fun ‘it turns green’ way… but in
society, so you will be protected. the sad, Afro-puff way. Google it to see
If you have not completed your exactly how messy, unprofessional, and
transformation yet, go with a white untamed for classrooms and boardrooms
friend so she can explain to them that you alike, the Afro puff is.
are one of the good ones and that you are
well on your way. Swimming costumes are also designed
with beautiful, flatter bums in mind. The
Mountain biking is fun because black best and most exclusive invention in the
people actually do not cycle – except swimming pool is swimming caps. I used
gardeners, who use it as transport, which to have such a laugh watching some of
is not the same as mountain or trail biking. the black girls trying to fit their wild and
Mountain bikes are very expensive and crazy hair into the caps. That is probably
the BEE types who could afford it have 99% of the reason they do not swim.
big bellies and would rather be at Taboo Thank you, Speedo.
flirting with their daughters’ friends. White
people prefer to do this at house parties, All other water sports fall into this
which is much classier. category, too. Anything with the likelihood
of your being submerged – scuba diving,
Hiking jet skiing, snorkelling, water polo and
surfing – is a great option.
This activity can also be found on the
outskirts of democracy and racial Because of the high threat of Them
integration. Like the other hobbies, hiking falling in, it is unlikely that you’ll
is good for cardiovascular strength and be accosted by blackness out
perfecting imperialist thoughts. Ahhh, the on our lakes or in the ocean.
great outdoors. Unless you’re on a cruise
ship. Stay away from those.
Hiking is actually how the Anglo-Zulu I have tried more than once
War began. Once the British soldiers got and every time it is like the
to the top of some mountains in Zululand, Amistad is bringing them back.
and they saw how lush and beautiful the
land was, they realised that the Zulus
would ruin it because what do they know
about farming?

Anyway, since that time,
hiking has remained the
traditional way to get away
from it all and cultivate
those wonderful thoughts of
superiority that make you
a Great White.

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DISCOVER TRY FOR WHITE

Rugby Birdwatching
(and reporting
Speaking of the q-word… Things are suspicious activity)
extremely shaky right now with ol’ Siya
Kolisi being given the captaincy. Thanks This ranks number one in Camps Bay
a lot, ANC! And yes, he is one of the best Magazine’s list of most fun and most…
rugby players, if not the best rugby player, ummm… exclusive activities by all who
right now, but if he is on the team it is were polled. Birdwatching might be
because of quotas. But do not quote me painfully boring, but it is particularly
(LOL, get it?). fascinating because, if you are a person
who likes watching your neighbourhood
But yes, that’s just how it works. Soz. for suspicious activity, imagine how much
Anyway, rugby is still very much a proud fun you will have when you take a break
Afrikaner sport. I mean, it’s ‘Hier kom and turn your attention skywards.
die Bokke’ not ‘Woza lapha, wena silly
Bokke’. The first time I heard the k-word Black people don’t even have a word
was at a rugby match in Pretoria, and for ‘sparrow’ or ‘kingfisher’: they just point
years later again at a varsity game in and say ‘inyoni’, which shows you how
Stellenbosch. I was quite glad to see very little interest they could ever take
very little has changed in rugby, despite in this hobby. This is also the frontrunner
the rest of the country being so into nominee for least likely to ever get peak
transformation. Yuck. black interest, so it is also the safest
activity one can do.
Ttehnensism, saqllu-absahll, shpoocrktesy–
Reporting suspicious activity,
All these sports are very good because, which is directly related to
as in the bedroom, scoring with small birdwatching, has taken the world
balls is something we hold in high esteem. by storm. Social media has grown
Imagine the grossness of a big ball, like it from strength to strength and, even
in soccer. Just as an aside, if you are though I’m a relative newbie, I’ve become
European (and only then!), soccer, or obsessed with it. Now, it does not matter
football, is still a totally acceptable hobby. if the activity is actually suspicious or not,
(But, only if you’re a still-have-the-accent or even if you can properly see what it
European. Not a Bedfordview European.) is you are reporting on. What matters is
how you feel about it and that you want
It is a fabulous not-so-secret that small- the perpetrators to be removed from your
ball sports are the hobbies or sports that area. Sometimes you will have to go out
stay within our circles. Obviously, every of your way to other areas to practice
activity will have infiltrators, but because reporting suspicious activity. This is
country clubs are usually word-of-mouth when you know you have truly reached
memberships and a current member has peak Caucasity. The usual uniform is
to nominate you, they are reminiscent of sunglasses, an unattractive haircut (you
the wonderful pre-1994 era, before the do not want to draw the wrong kind of
dreaded quotas and before everyone got attention in these parts) and, of course, the
so sensitive. famous white scowl.

The white scowl was first invented
in 1788 by brave colonisers who were
reporting suspicious activity when they

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TRY FOR WHITE DISCOVER

Words: Lesego Tlhabi, courtesy of Jonathan Ball Publishers, Pictures: freepix.com first rightfully bought the land through Yoga Darts
violent means. Legend has it that,
although the natives were not doing This is a highly Most people ask me,
anything, they just seemed suspicious. If underrated hobby. ‘Kelz, is darts not similar to the
you have ever seen an unidentified black spear-throwing they enjoy?’ The
man who dares to walk through a suburb If you are lucky, you’ll simple answer is no. The spear is
without first identifying himself with have met your blonde longer and requires a human or
a board around his neck, then you’ll know Prince Charming (mine is animal target – barbarism – and
exactly what I am talking about. This still coming) who has swept you off your darts is a refined English sport for when
hobby is especially great because it can feet and allowed you to stop working to we are super drunk and think it’s fun to
be done in every suburban neighbourhood really focus on your yoga, even though you throw a tiny spear around. Jolly Cool.
and there is a proliferation of related have no intention of ever going to the Far
Facebook and WhatsApp groups, so East because you are vegan and you don’t Darts is a special kind of hobby because
you never have to play alone. You will know what they really put in their food but it would seem to be on the edge of danger
need good vision, a disdain for blackness you’ve heard horror stories. but it is, in fact, only as dangerous as
and a smartphone to capture black pronouncing the word ‘Xhosa’. Cane and
people having the audacity to be in our Yoga makes you more flexible, but only Creme Soda is the official drink of the
neighbourhoods (except if they work physically. Don’t worry, you will never National Darts Association of South Africa
for you). Oh, and you will need a loose become flexible in your views. Haha, and our national team plays Johnny
command of Fanagalo so you can ask almost scared the wits out of you there, Clegg’s ‘Impi’ before every game to really
them what they want or to report them to didn’t I? Yoga is also great for your posture get into the spirit of the Zulu (you have to
your security guard. since you’ll be spending a lot of time admit, they can aim, hey). Of course, the
looking down on people. You learn great team is still all-white.
poses such as ‘the eye roll’, the ‘lock your
car doors without the black man seeing * Feel free to tweet me if you are unsure
you’ and, my personal favourite (because
it was hard to perfect but once I got it, whether any of the activities I’ve described
I was ready to be inducted), the ‘looking for will hinder or help your Caucasian
the manager’ pose which requires focus in conversion. This goes for all the hobbies
both the body and face. listed, and even those that are not. I am
happy to advise. @CoconutKelz
Now, the last hobby on my list is going
to seem confusing because it is so similar Remember, you should always call
to something The Others partake in and ahead when booking your activities so
use in combat, but don’t worry, our tools you can make sure you do not end up
are smaller. I’m talking about darts, somewhere on what is meant to be their
of course. ‘urban night’. Otherwise, happy trails and
see you on the other side.
READ IT ALL
Even if you don’t need
a new hobby, make a beeline
for your nearest Exclusive Books
and grab all the copies you can of
Coconut Kelz’s Guide to Surviving
this Shithole. A card-carrying Caucasian
trapped inside the body of a black woman,
Kelz is hell-bent on shaking up the
establishment with her side-splitting
satire. Armed with her inside-out truth
bombs, she’ll guide you – kicking,
screaming and laughing – towards
a full-scale Caucasian
conversion. It’s published

by Jonathan Ball.

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 127





ADVERTORIAL

A WONDERFUL
WINELANDS
EXPERIENCE

From wine to beer, culinary delights to
art, there’s something for everyone at
Hazendal Wine Estate

Nestled against the Bottelary Hills just outside Stellenbosch lies peri-peri chicken, BBQ lamb, artisanal pizzas or pork shashlik.
Hazendal Wine Estate – one of the Cape Winelands’ jewels. Hazendal A selection of the finest local craft beers and ciders, Hazendal wines
will soon celebrate its one-year anniversary since its massive relaunch and cocktails are available.
and reinvention and now boasts more than 15 offerings. This heritage
farm – dating back to 1699 – is offering visitors an experience unlike For the more sophisticated palate, the Avant-Garde Restaurant
any other in the winelands. awaits. Merging Russian and South African cuisine, you can expect
contemporary, fusion dishes created from locally and sustainably
The Babushka Deli offers bespoke picnic baskets filled to the sourced fresh produce in a breathtaking setting.
brim with delectable, homemade goodies from locally sourced
seasonal produce to be enjoyed on Hazendal’s expansive lawns. No Art lovers will be amazed at the collection of art in the Marvol
picnic would be complete without a bottle of wine, but which one of Gallery, which brings together South African and Russian artists.
Hazendal’s award-winning wines to choose? Pop in at the elegant
Wine Tasting Lounge for a tasting first and be sure to leave with a If the kids are getting antsy, the spectacular Wonderdal for
Christoffel Hazenwinkel Wine Gift Box – the perfect Christmas gift. kids aged 5 to 13 is just the place for them. For two hours
they can have a wondrous (and supervised) adventure as they
But if beer is your tipple of choice, then head to the Pivnushka Beer explore this high-tech edu-play wonderland where they will
Garden. Expect an open-fire cooking menu where dishes also have create energy, collect mysterious crystals, listen to stories, grow
a bit of Russian flavour and flair. Imagine tucking into mouthwatering imaginary plants, cook virtual meals, climb, balance, jump, discover,
and have fun.

For more information or to book:
www.hazendal.co.za; www.wonderdal.co.za

A PLANT-BASED FUTURE DISCOVER

Biénne Huisman meets
two food entrepreneurs
who are changing the
world one scrumptious,
plant-based mouthful

at a time

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 131

DISCOVER A PLANT-BASED FUTURE

THE
CHICKPEA
JUNKIE

From humble beginnings in his home
kitchen in Sea Point, Guy Greenblatt
is taking his range of chickpea-based
whole foods to markets and shops and
restaurants around South Africa.

132 JANUARY 2020 kulula.com

A PLANT-BASED FUTURE DISCOVER

O utcast Foods was born out preservatives,’ says Guy. ‘Just add boiling chickpeas – mashing it up with greens and
of years of conscious eating, water, mix it, and form balls. Shallow fry carrots and onions. So you’d end up with
dating back to Guy Greenblatt’s them on each side, and you’re done.’ this veggie patty, basically pure plant
teenage years. The venture protein. All of that inspired my thinking,
really took shape in December 2017 when Guy still holds his ‘day job’ at a tech and eventually the idea for the Outcast
the 41-year-old software programmer company, but food is his passion. Through mix. The thing is, I’m just making it really
started selling falafel mix at his office. following a plant-based diet, he claims to easy for people.’
At night, he’d burn the midnight oil at be reducing his carbon footprint, improving
home, grinding to get the blend just his health, and being kinder to animals. For those folk reluctant to give up seared
right. Demand amongst his colleagues tuna or lamb chops entirely, Guy suggests
continued to grow; until he started taking ‘Growing up in the 1990s in Joburg, flexitarianism – a mostly plant-based diet,
orders. He hit the jackpot when Olive my mum was a raw foodist,’ he says. with the occasional inclusion of meat. ‘What
Branch Deli in Cape Town’s Lifestyle ‘So we got exposed to a style of cooking I would advise people to do,’ he says, ‘is
on Kloof Centre agreed to stock his that was very experimental 25 years ago. to just eat less meat, tone it down. Think
produce. Soon after, beautifully designed I mean, back then there were no blogs about where you’re getting your meat from.
packaging sealed the deal. Today, he for raw food eating, or for plant-based Think about how much of it you’re eating.
employs three people to help prepare eating. You had to figure it out yourself. These are the questions you have to ask.
and package three different mixes – for My mother used things like tahini – back My personal issue is not with people eating
falafels, burgers and pancakes – in then it wasn’t common. In our house, meat. It’s with the quantity of meat they eat.
a dedicated Cape Town kitchen. there were always vegetables. And even The way the animals are raised.’
when not eating them raw, she’d use
‘It’s a falafel mix made of sprouted, them to make really tasty things from He points out that around the world – and
activated chickpeas, no added junk or scratch. She would mix up sprouts in in South Africa – consciousness around food
a special mincing machine lentils and is growing. ‘It’s slowly turning, changing,’

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 133



A PLANT-BASED FUTURE DISCOVER

he says. ‘The flexitarian option is exactly way of growing foods. It’s an amazing come with simple instructions and are
what’s going to help because it will show group of people.’ ridiculously foolproof.
people that they needn’t have meat on
their plate with every meal. Plus, by Guy gets excited discussing fellow What keeps him up at night, though,
upping the number of meat-free meals, entrepreneurs in the fresh, healthy is the urge to improve, to reach more
people come to realise that they can feel food sphere. He particularly notes people, to innovate. He’s steadily
full without eating meat. And, if they Zimbabwean chef Elisha Madzivadondo, been infiltrating more stores and
choose good plant-based foods, they who recently opened The Sunshine outlets – although he still likes the
discover that vegetarian and vegan options Food Co., a café in Sea Point for human interaction aspect of selling
are really enjoyable, too. which Madzivadondo grows his own his products at markets where he gets
microgreens and sprouts, served on to meet like-minded people, and hear
‘And then, there’s the way a clean, plant- plant-based burgers. That’s the kind of feedback from customers.
based diet makes you feel. “Hold on,” says connection between produce and food
your inner voice. “I actually do feel better that Guy’s keen to see more of. He’s still running this miniature
when I eat this”.’ empire in the hours before and after
Since the days – not too long ago his office job, and still finds time to cook
Guy hasn’t always been a vegetarian: – when Guy would wake up hours for his family and friends, to set off
‘Until recently, I was flexitarian. I've been before having to go to his day job in on the occasional trail run, and to try
probably 95% vegetarian over the last order to grind up chickpeas and temper out Cape Town’s growing number of
25 years. And only went 100% plant-based his various recipes to get the perfect plant-based restaurants. Plus, he’s
in the last six months.’ flavour for his first DIY falafel mixes, dreaming up the next Outcast product.
he’s added a junk-free pancake mix and Because, going forward, Guy hopes to
Over time, the idea grew on his wife, a phenomenally delicious burger mix make his passion for food a full-time
Hannah, too. to his growing list of products. They all enterprise. outcastfoods.co.za

‘Hannah can do what she wants,’ he
says. ‘I mean, she used to think that if
she didn’t eat chicken, she would fall
over and die. So we’ve come a long way.
I never pushed it. I just kept making
different foods, and she was like: “Oh, it’s
really tasty! Okay, I feel good”.’

Guy started studying chemical
engineering at Wits University, before
veering into applied mathematics. After
a long stint in London, he returned to
Cape Town (with UK-born Hannah) where
a permaculture course hosted at the
Rocklands Primary School in Mitchells
Plain added a new momentum to his
interest in plants and food.

‘Permaculture is about sustainable
farming, about alleviating problems by
growing things together, instead of in
mono-crops,’ he explains. ‘So at Rocklands,
they’ve got this set-up with all these
sheds and gardens, and what’s awesome
is they have sponsorship for people in the
community who are keen on learning this

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 135

DISCOVER A PLANT-BASED FUTURE SCOOPING
THE LOVE
136 JANUARY 2020
Nelson Mandela’s favourite meal
was umngqusho – samp and
beans – a traditional Xhosa
dish made of dried maize and
sugar beans. This echoes
Sinenhlanhla Ndlela’s

sentiment, that a shift to plant-
based eating is Africa returning

to its roots.

‘I t’s most definitely true!’ says Sine,
short for Sinenhlanhla. ‘In Africa,
we had respect for animals and the
environment. It was a balanced
ecosystem, even when meat was consumed,
it was without the cruelty the industry has
right now.’

Sine is the founder of Yococo, a dairy-free
ice-cream brand that’s been giving lactose
intolerant people and vegans reason to
smile. ‘Serving love in scoops,’ is Sine’s
business mantra.

The 26-year-old’s ice cream – presented
in alluring flavours such as turmeric-laced
golden milk, rooibos cookies, avo and mint,
and hibiscus strawberry – has elicited
rave reviews.

These days, Sine employs three women;
they use Facebook and Twitter to keep fans
abreast of their Yococo stand at markets, and
availability of their ice cream at selected stores.

A former film student, Sine founded her
business in Joburg three years ago, with
no prior experience. At the time, she was
changing her own diet, researching the details
of vegan life. Finding existing dairy-free

kulula.com





A PLANT-BASED FUTURE DISCOVER

Pictures: Supplied frozen desserts unappealing, she spotted Since then, there have been financial Setting up at markets around Gauteng
a gap in the market. pitfalls, and lessons learned. However, is hard work. ‘There is very little sleep
Sine says she has now found her purpose, and long hours but we pull through,’ she
‘I was working as a production assistant, which is to create healthy, fun food. ‘I love says. Her ambition for the future is to
doing some film editing,’ she recalls. ‘I was making a difference and I love serving,’ she own a big frozen dessert-making factory
still climbing my career ladder. But I felt says. ‘For me, my purpose is to serve love that employs scores of people. Then, to
uninspired and emotionally drained, so I – to both people and the environment. And launch her brand internationally.
started looking for alternatives to help what better way than through ice cream?’
me tap into my purpose. Emotionally I Diet remains key to her life
wasn’t balanced, so I decided to remove The inside scoop on Yococo is fresh philosophy and thinking. ‘My diet consists
animals from my diet. I wanted to remove fruit and vegetable ingredients, nut-based of no meat and mostly plants, but I
anything that may have contributed to milks and creams. Sine is a strong believer wouldn’t call myself vegan, as that title
the way I felt, so – yes – I went meat- and in homeopathic and natural remedies, represents too many other things for me,’
dairy-free. That’s when I realised there and her flavours are inspired by the seven she says. ‘The fact is, regarding health,
was a gap in the market – for dairy-free chakras. For example, granadilla ice more and more people in South Africa
ice cream.’ cream represents the sacral chakra, which are getting diagnosed with heart disease
is associated with creativity and emotional and diet-related illnesses. A plant-based
The genial entrepreneur grew up wellbeing, she says. On this topic, she approach is growing though, so people
between KwaZulu-Natal and the Free gushes: ‘I just love experimenting with are slowly going back to eating more
State, matriculating at Epworth High flavours, trying new combinations and green food. Yes, there definitely is more
School in Pietermaritzburg. Was nutrition really getting into the zone.’ awareness around diet.’ yococo.co.za
important to her as a child? ‘The most
I knew about nutrition growing up, was that
I had to finish my food so I can grow tall,’
she says, laughing. ‘Well, I didn’t grow tall.
I’m short.’

Sine’s love of ice cream started with her
grandmother, who used to sneak her extra
helpings after family meals. From an early
age, it was her favourite sweet.

After school, Sine’s brief television
career saw her do an internship at the
Cannes Film Festival in France. Initially,
she was nervous to tell her family about
her drastic change in profession. To
them, ice cream was a dinner treat – not
a ‘job’. But when she did tell them, they
supported her, with her mother helping
to foot initial bills for rent, ice-cream
ingredients and equipment.

Yococo started as a dream, followed
by long hours slogging into the early
morning hours – experimenting with
ingredients and doing market research.
‘The worst thing that can happen
when creating a new brand is that only
you will like it,’ says Sine. ‘I had to do
my homework.’

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 139







THE SOOTHSAYERS DISCOVER

Designers are soothsayers who not only dream
of the future, but fashion it into being. In order to
see the future, though, they are tapping into our
collective heritage, collaborating, and imagining

a multiverse of possibilities

South Africa, designers have
to be serious multi-taskers
and incredibly resourceful,’
says Tracy Lee Lynch, creative
director of the Nando’s Design
Programme and among the country’s leading designers
of interior spaces. ‘They’re not just designing the piece
on paper and then handing it over to a manufacturing
team. They have to find resourceful ways to
manufacture it, too. So they’re training staff to make
it, plus they’re building a business culture so their staff
understand what it takes to achieve excellence.’

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 143

And, as if that weren’t enough, In South Africa, a furniture designer
says Lynch, being at the bottom end doesn’t just design chairs. He has to
of Africa means that our designers be this whole freaking universe in one
are also actively sourcing hard-to- human being.’
find materials and developing import
strategies. And then they are figuring Another thread that links many
out which channels are best for of our designers, Lynch says, is the
exporting their work so that it can have passion they have for telling that
a place on international platforms. unique story – and the distinctive
‘They have to work out how to access ways they choose to tell it. ‘Often
global markets, and are active on social it’s through collaboration with other
media to make sure people hear the crafters and other makers,’ she says.
stories behind their products. Unlike The result is an awesome level of
designers in the UK, USA and Australia, resourcefulness and collaboration,
our designers wear so many caps. Our with a lot of local design tapping into
designers don’t have the luxury of a wealth of shared human expression
saying, “Oh no, that’s not in my scope that’s seldom seen elsewhere. ‘It
of work”. And that’s part of what might be a chair that has a woven
makes our small design community so component. Or an amazing drinks
extraordinary. There’s so much more cabinet that includes a hand-painted
going on than what meets the eye. aspect or a surface design that’s the
result of collaborating with another
designer-artist.’

It means that what’s being designed
here is often much more than a
reflection of just one person’s ideas.
And often the work reflects some
engagement with tradition, heritage
and history. ‘I think that’s maybe why
when pieces travel from South Africa
to the rest of the world, they are so
well-received,’ says Lynch. ‘You find
pieces here that are so dynamic that
you just can’t put them down. You
look at them and are somehow aware
that they really are about so much
more than just a light fitting or a chair
or a table – it’s because they feel
like they’re this whole universe in
one piece.’

Lynch also says there’s a quirkiness
to a lot of our design output, an
unprecedented level of originality.
‘There’s so much inspiration here
that isn’t cookie cutter, that isn’t very
safe. There’s a lot of stuff that feels

144 JANUARY 2020 kulula.com

quite theatrical and Design Programme aims to THE SOOTHSAYERS DISCOVER
unexpected – because of the grow the local design sector
patterning and because of the by helping creatives and creative THE BIG INDABA
cultural references. And I think businesses to grow and thrive.
that’s what makes what’s happening here Another winner is Rene Forbay Cape Town’s annual Design Indaba
very exciting.’ (pictured above) of RF Designs, whose promotes design from the continent as
furniture range – a dining chair, bench, well as the rest of the world and their
Among the future-forward furniture a stool and custom light fittings – Emerging Creatives Programme has seen
designers who embody this ubuntu features patterns that are primarily many new artists emerge into the design
design spirit is furniture and interior inspired by Ndebele jewellery. spotlight. Its founder, Ravi Naidoo, says
designer Siyanda Mbele (pictured left) Riding the Nando’s wave since 2015 that the lens through which organisers
from Pinda design. He uses Ndebele, is Mash T Design Studio’s Thabiso Mjo, select designers who are featured at the
Venda and Zulu patterns in his creations. who has earned a lot of attention for conference and on the Indaba’s website is
‘African design carries heritage, meaning, her Tutu pendant light. The backrest always ‘a better world through creativity’.
stories. And that starts with the patterns of her Hlabisa bench draws inspiration ‘We nd that designers are solving more
which are symbolic,’ he says. ‘I basically from the rolling hills of KwaZulu-Natal,
narrate African stories through designs while her Potjie server was inspired and more problems every day,’ says
that give an identity and evoke a sense by the cast iron potjie her gran used Naidoo, ‘whether it is Nigerian designer
of belonging.’ when they had family gatherings. ‘The
contemporary South African design Adebayo Oke-Lawal’s use of fashion
Mbele was one of the four designers aesthetic is the melding of technology as a way of challenging stereotypes, or
announced as the winners of the first and design with craft,’ she says. Mark Kamau, whose work at Kenyan
Clout Designers’ Industry Days Fired Up start-up, BRCK, is helping to bring fast,
By Nando’s competition. The Nando’s reliable internet to even those who live

in areas with no electricity.’
While there is of course space for designs

that are beautiful or created to make
a statement, the Indaba has as a great
focus the kind of creativity that ultimately
strives to make the world an easier place
to navigate. In this sense, it has always

been future-forward in its ethos.
And there’s a lot of practical work being

done, too. ‘We partnered with IKEA
and 10 African designers from ve
African countries – South Africa, Kenya,
Senegal, Egypt and the Ivory Coast – to
learn more about what is happening
in contemporary African design,’
says Naidoo of a recent international
cooperation. ‘ e result is a one-of-
a-kind collaboration that’s produced
the limited edition 33-piece Överallt
collection now available in IKEA stores
worldwide. e collection includes
furniture, tableware, textiles and

sustainable tote bags.’
Such collaborations are putting African
design on the global stage, and – just as
Black Panther did for Basotho blankets –
also helping to establish African design

as something beyond the clichés and
worthy of the future.

e Design Indaba Conference happens in
Cape Town from 26 to 28 February, but
there is always new and archived content –
including videos of inspiring talks – on the

website; designindaba.com.

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 145

RAISING THE BAR Then there’s Durban- a beautiful story and
born, Jo’burg-based can teach you about the
Last year was big for Tristan du Sifiso Shange (right), culture.’ He produces
Plessis, the handsome young interior a 20-something furniture under the label
designer who heads up the namesake architectural interiors Afri Modern, in reference
Tristan Plessis Studio. Not only was he designer who moonlights as to his style, and what’s
responsible for the ravishing design a creator of furniture pieces evident is that his rootedness
finished with traditional motifs. in tradition doesn’t mean he’s
of Gorgeous George, perhaps the backward-looking. He says he and
most appealing hotel to open in Cape Shange, who finished his interior his ‘homies’ are keenly tuned into the
design degree in 2014, describes himself future, fascinated by the possibilities
Town last year, but the studio won as a modern Zulu prince telling stories evoked by Afrofuturism. Fantasising
the ‘Best Overall Restaurant’ prize at ‘through design and art’. His need is about what lies ahead has stoked
the Restaurant & Bar Design Awards to capture his Zulu heritage in his designs. a theatre of the imagination, in fact.
in London. e global event attracts ‘Furniture is my way of preserving ‘I have this one crazy idea: our version
entries from 70 countries and covers cultural stories, capturing moments in of Black Panther imagines sangomas
time for future generations. My dad was of the future throwing drones instead
every conceivable design category teaching me about being a Zulu man and of bones – and they’ll have these
– from ships to airports, museums I wanted to preserve the knowledge – holographic screens that’ll show y
trap it for the future – in a format I love.’ our future.’
to burger vans and even pop-up Tangential thinking has him dreaming
restaurants. e victory was a rst- To do this, he started designing servers up furniture for the future, too. Today’s
time achievement for South Africa, and cabinet pieces with Zulu names and cabinets might feature beautiful
awarded for du Plessis’s design of Alice aluminium trim and hand-finished inlay
& Fi h, a supper club in Sandton. layered with stories and metaphors work, but perhaps in 60 years’ time
tristanplessis.com, aliceand h.co.za that remind him of the traditions there’ll be pieces with inbuilt holographic
of his forebears. ‘I see myself as technology – ‘so when you open the
an instrument of the people, cabinet, it literally tells you a story’.
capturing their stories in these
furniture pieces. As much as
it’s a practical object, it carries

146 JANUARY 2020 kulula.com

THE SOOTHSAYERS DISCOVER

We may be grounded in tradition, he locally and globally conversations were
says, ‘but what’s important is imagining had about the politics of African hair and
who we are as we travel to the future. to add to the conversation, we wanted
What can Africa be in 100 years? And to showcase the magic and beauty of
how can we create a better future?’ African hair. We’ve had people from all
backgrounds connect with this collection
Also dreaming up the future of because of its authenticity and unique
African design is Mpho Vackier point of view.’
(right), founder and director of
TheUrbanative. ‘I am constantly ‘Authenticity is what roots us,’ says
amazed and excited with all the new graphic designer Brandt Botes who has
fresh talent that is bubbling on the designed textbooks for school children,
surface, I am inspired by it and how all packaging for tampons, and – during his
these amazing voices will help shape time at Jupiter Drawing Room – worked
the landscape of African design.’ on campaigns for Cape Town’s Design
Indaba. In 2018, Botes collaborated with
Her design process is founded on illustrator Karabo Poppy Moletsane
practicality, functionality and purpose. to wrap one of the Orlando Towers with
‘It begins with ‘what story am I telling?’ a hand-painted tapestry-like artwork that
And because I am a contemporary tells the story of life in Soweto. Part of
designer, I ask what new innovative a campaign for Heineken-owned
technologies, materials and ways beer brand, Soweto Gold, Botes
of thinking can I employ in order
to have the work relevant to the
modern client?’

Vackier believes that you have to
be plugged in to your environment in
order to deliver design that is relevant.
‘Our crown collection was inspired by
the magic of African hair because both

kulula.com JANUARY 2020 147