Khuluma March 2019

take me home please March 2019

THE

BORING
ISSUE
with Riaad Moosa
FOR THE MENU see pages 4 & 5







VIEW

the topFROM

I t was Stephen Hawking who said, ‘The increase of disorder or entropy is what distinguishes the past
from the future, giving a direction to time.’ Entropy is all around us. Cells within your body are dying,
degrading and regenerating, the heat from your coffee is spreading out. Zoom out a little, and you’ll see
that businesses are starting up and failing; one revolution is taking off, while elsewhere another is fizzling
out; and everywhere human relationships are in various states of flux, some heating up, others gathering
dust. Nothing stays the same. Things change. Things evolve. Then again, sometimes things simply explode
into new dimensions and are replaced by altogether different challenges. 

The Greek root of the word entropy translates to ‘a turning towards transformation’ – and that
transformation is chaos. As time passes, things change, and once these changes have happened,
they are never undone. In his play Arcadia, Tom Stoppard uses a novel metaphor for the non-
reversible nature of entropy: ‘When you stir your rice pudding, Septimus, the spoonful
of jam spreads itself round making red trails like the picture of a meteor in my
astronomical atlas. But if you stir backward, the jam will not come together
again. Indeed, the pudding does not notice and continues to turn pink
just as before. Do you think this is odd?’ A new dessert created by
harnessing the change.

The question is not whether we can prevent entropy (we can’t), but
how we can ride its energy. The really disruptive businesses of today
encourage entropy. Think Amazon, Google, or even Elon Musk.
Identifying emerging disruptive trends well in advance – boldly
and regardless of accepted wisdom – is what separates long-
term successful companies from the rest. Hope is the ability
to hear the music of the future. Faith is the courage to dance
to it today!

(Hat tip to Farnam Street blog https://fs.blog…)

Wrenelle Stander, Executive Director: Airline Division MARCH 2019 3
Comair Ltd

kulula.com









Contents 33
MARCH 2019
46

63

3 VIEW FROM THE TOP 33 SUPPORT SQUAD 63 MEN IN TIGHTS
Call it entropy. Call it chaos. Food for the brave men and Forget the seven-year itch, here’s
Our CEO knows it’s unavoidable. women who show up to watch this how fitness is staving off our
month’s Cape Town Cycle Tour. midlife crises.
16 DOCTOR DRUDGE?
He claims he’s a bore, but we 39 TECHNICOLOUR DREAMS 74 ODYSSEY
know better. And so does Netflix! Hotels needn’t be grey. Sometimes staring out a train
window across the vastness of
Experience Explore a snow-covered nothingness is
precisely the right kind of dreary.
23 TRIPWORTHY 45 UTOPIAN VISION?
Cape Town’s annual jazz jamboree Afrofuturism beyond Black Panther. 83 BOARD
has never been this colourful. Hop on a plank with these world-
46 ANYTHING BUT DULL conquering athletes.
25 ON OUR RADAR A story about big birds, fresh
From film and music festivals, to fish and a cuddly cat. Oh, and the 94 BEYOND THE BEIGE
ballet and monster truck displays, people of Dullstroom feature, too. Just because these places are
here are 14 great ways to stave safe and everything works properly
off boredom this autumn. 55 HOW TO GET AHEAD doesn’t mean they’re boring.
IN COMEDY
29 EMMET UNBOXED Comic insights and navel-gazing 103 NEVER A DULL MOMENT
‘The Special’ dude from with Riaad Moosa. Epic suffering. Epic mud and dust
The Lego Movie 2 tells us about and sweat and tears. And maybe,
his latest interstellar adventure. just maybe, epic glory.

8 MARCH 2019 kulula.com



CONTENTS

121

Discover 115

113 BODY WORK
Need new artwork
on your skin?
The world’s expert
tattooists are
in town.

115 THE DEVIL’S
PLAYTHINGS
In our hyper-
connected world,
disengaging is
a privilege.

131 121 THE NEW RELIABLES
They may not seem to be
the most exciting cars on
the road, but they may just
surprise you.

129 CONNECT & COLLECT
Don’t be bored,
don’t be blue, buy
something useful, get
something new!

131 TAKING THE YAWN
OUT OF INVESTING
Because planning for
your future shouldn’t
be a chore.

135 PULLING STRINGS
These monumental
puppets are asking
big questions.

10 MARCH 2019



EDITORIAL
Editor Keith Bain
Content Manager Raina Julies – [email protected]
Content Co-ordinator Vanessa Payne
Copy Editor Nicci Collier

ART
Head of Design Studio Fatiema Johnson
Senior Designers Mfundo Archie Ndzo, Lesley-Ann van Schalkwyk

Advert Designer Bulelwa Sotashe
Production Editor Shamiela Brenner
Cover Photographer and retouching Sven Kristian
Makeup Artist Colleen van Rensburg

SALES
Project Manager Richard White
khlassifieds Project Manager Steve Norval
Sales Consultants Stephen Crawford, Jay Deary, Bonnie Eksteen,
Randall Grace, Nazeem Hoosen, Nikita Moore, Gavin Payne,
Andre Potgieter, Roman Ross, Clint Smith, Zelda Stein
Advertising Co-ordinators Johan Labuschagne, Peace Guga (Intern)

PRINTING
Paarl Media Gauteng

MANAGEMENT
Business Manager Lodewyk van der Walt – [email protected]

Senior Bookkeeper Deidre Musha
General Manager, Magazines Jocelyne Bayer

KULULA.COM
CEO Comair Limited Erik Venter
Executive Director - Airline Division Comair Limited Wrenelle Stander
Head of Marketing, Loyalty and Customer Experience, kulula.com Shaun Pozyn
Marketing Manager, kulula.com Bridgette Ramuluvhana
Brand Communications Manager, kulula.com Luane Lavery

COMAIR LIMITED
1 Marignane Drive, Bonaero Park, Kempton Park, 1619
Tel: 011 921 0111 | kulula.com contact centre: 0861 KULULA (585852)

To advertise in this magazine, please contact
Richard White (Sales Project Manager) at +27 21 469 2542

or email [email protected]
To advertise in the khlassifieds section, please contact
Steve Norval (khlassifieds Project Manager) at +27 21 469 2435

or email [email protected]

Copyright: No portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written consent of the
publisher. The publisher is not responsible for unsolicited material. khuluma is published monthly by
Picasso Headline. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Picasso Headline, kulula or the Tiso
Blackstar Group. All advertisements/advertorials and promotions have been paid for and therefore do not
carry any endorsement by the publisher. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of its
contents, neither kulula, nor the publisher can be held responsible for any omissions or errors, or for any
misfortune, injury or damages that may arise therefrom. We reserve the right to edit interviews for

layout purposes.



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Dr udge?DOCTOR

I really do think I’m boring. I’m
a boring person who happens
to have exciting ambitions.
Instinctually, I’m an overachiever. That’s
been ingrained in me my whole life. My
innate tendency is to strive for excellence.
And you know how that goes? You
constantly aim for perfection, but of
course it’s something you can never
achieve, because it doesn’t exist. This is
the curse of being an artist – and especially
of being a comedian because most of us
are very insecure. Our feelings of security

16 MARCH 2019 kulula.com

RIAAD MOOSA MEET

and sense of having achieved something is Africa, and I go out there and tell them
always short-lived because a joke is short-
lived. An artist creates a painting that can my home language is English but I’ve got
last forever. A musician records a song
that is listened to for a very long time. this weird accent. So they say, ‘That’s
A joke doesn’t last as long. Sure, you can
record a show, do a special that comes your first language?’ ‘Yes, it’s my first
out on DVD, but once you know a joke’s
punchline, you laugh at it less. language.’ Then I say, ‘I’m of Indian and

The same is true for the comedian. Cape Malay descent,’ but according to
When new material gets a laugh for
the first time, that’s the high point, the them I look Egyptian. Then I tell them I’m
pinnacle. What I love most about comedy
is the process of writing a joke and Muslim and I used to be a doctor. And
performing it for the first time. Because it’s
a performance art and you never know if they are confused. RIAAD AND CHILL
it’s going to work until you do it in front of
an audience. When new material gets that What confuses them more is Riaad Moosa is among 47 comedians
first laugh, that’s the big thrill. It will never
be quite as thrilling performing that same when I do accents. Because from around the globe selected to be part of
joke again. So you’ve got to make it new
every time. Which is why I always change they understand my Net ix’s Comedians of the World, a groundbreaking
things up, so that whenever I go out there, accents better than they collection of stand-up comedy specials dropped in one
the material is fresh, alive and exciting.
understand my normal rip-roaring package by the internet entertainment service
Another way of keeping it thrilling
is to go into a completely unknown speaking voice. I’d on 1 January. Each episode is roughly half an hour and brings
environment. Delivering stand-up in front
of an audience that doesn’t know anything do a Mickey Mouse together an unprecedented variety of comedy acts – aside from
about you. That’s pretty much what impression and they’d showcasing comedians from the US, Canada, the UK, Australia
happened when I performed for Netflix’s understand me. And and New Zealand, the series includes comics from India, Brazil,
Comedians of the World series in Montreal
last year. For the last few years, I’ve been I’d imitate Donald the Netherlands, Mexico, Germany, France, the Middle East, and
overpopulating the planet. Instead of
travelling, I’ve declined many opportunities Trump and they’d get of course South Africa. And while it’s a joy to see Riaad and
to perform overseas, and now have four it. But they couldn’t get the other South Africans – Loyiso Gola, Tumi Morake and
children to show for it. And I really want to the real me. So I never
be around for them while they’re young, so Loyiso Madinga – who shine in the series, it’s also an
I usually turn down the international tours. connected with them. incredible opportunity to gain insight into what

The result is that I don’t have much Which is why, for the Netflix makes people laugh in other parts of the
experience performing to foreign crowds.
I performed in Montreal a few years ago, special, I decided to start world. net ix.com
but I never really connected with the my show by speaking about my
audience – they simply didn’t know how
to contextualise me. I don’t blame them. accent. Creating a context.
They get told I’m this guy from South
This also meant that I did material

I hadn’t really ever tried before, which

made it exciting for me. I definitely

wasn’t bored. characters in Marvel movies. So, now the

Something worth remembering is that world is starting to get the subtleties of

these audiences in North America don’t who we are. But they are only just getting

really know us. They don’t know South to know us.

Africans. They don’t know me. And I don’t What I looked at doing in Montreal was

Interview: Keith Bain, Picture: Sven Kristian know them. Although someone like Trevor to tell audiences about me – so they get

Noah has put a huge spotlight on us, we’re some inkling of what South Africa is. And

still the last part of the English-speaking with that little glimpse of insight into me,

world to be projected onto the global they start to discover that we are actually

stage. The world’s idea of us tends to be quite a diverse bunch.

what they’ve seen in struggle movies or And, I think that’s why people are

what they know about Madiba. We’re only captivated by South African comics.

now starting to creep into pop culture – Because we are giving them something

Trevor is talking about his experiences slightly different, something they’ve not

and we’re even seeing South African seen before.

kulula.com MARCH 2019 17

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Sugar free – indulge guilt-free!

Remember your granny’s Apple Pie, your favourite aunt’s Milk tart, sitting around the kitchen table for
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WORTH TRAVELLING FOR EXPERIENCE

A star is born

Jazz has always meant different things to different people, and the
Cape Town International Jazz Festival has in recent years made
a point of ensuring the lineup is as diverse as it is remarkable.
Among this year’s shining lights is this rising star: Shekhinah.

Seemingly always poised for greatness, she worked her way
into hearts and ears during two seasons of SA Idols while she
was still in high school. Since matriculating, the Durban-born
singer-songwriter has been edging closer to an international
breakthrough. She’s been storming the charts with her
Kyle Deutsch collaborations on songs like ‘Back to
the Beach’, and has recorded with producer Sketchy
Bongo. Rose Gold, her debut album, was released in
2017, and in August last year was certified platinum.
Shekhinah isn’t the only emerging superstar who’ll
have audiences hanging on her every syllable
at this month’s festival. Trailblazing Xitsonga
poet-turned-rapper Sho Madjozi will be there,
too, along with stalwarts such as the Soweto
Gospel Choir and BCUC. International acts
on the bill include legendary Chaka Khan
whose career started in the 1970s; edgy
UK jazz musician Alfa Mist; Grammy
Award-winning Brazilian jazz singer
and pianist Eliane Elias; Cory Henry
and the Funk Apostles from the US;
and incredible London-based jazz
saxophonist and composer Nubya Garcia.
CTICC, 29–30 March, capetownjazzfest.com

Words: Keith Bain, Picture: Elizabeth Donnell (@portrayedby_)

t
getTRIPWORTHY

out & abou

kulula.com MARCH 2019 23

SRUE2RA0VD1EE9YR

COMPLETE OUR
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take me home please January 2019

take me home please December 2018

PICASSO HEADLINE And now?
with Tsitsi Chiumya

FOR THE MENU see pages 4 & 5

84 2018/12/10 11:29 AM

Khuluma-Jan_options.indd 1 2018/11/21 10:52 AM
FOR THE MENU see pages 4 & 5

83 Khuluma-Feb.indd 2
Covers.indd 3
2019/01/16 11:04 AM

Get out & aboutON OUR RADAR SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE EXPERIENCE

1

1 Music fans and picnic-lovers can 5 Lovers of toast, rejoice! Monster Jam 2
indulge every weekend this month at the is coming to South Africa, and is all set to
Kirstenbosch Summer Sunset Concerts. render your bread more delicious than… Oh 3 4
Apart from Amanda Black (pictured) who wait, this is actually about monster trucks. 7
performs with Sun-EL Musician on 3 March, Nope, you can’t eat those. But you can
there’s Matthew Mole on 10 March, watch four-metre tall, five tonne, custom-
Spoegwolf and Jan Blohm on 17 March, made monster trucks racing and ripping up
Shortstraw and Bam Bam Brown on 24 a track full of obstacles, which should sate
March, and GoodLuck and Easy Freak on your appetite for automotive insanity, if not
31 March. webtickets.co.za tasty toast. Catch them on 20 April at
Durban’s Moses Mabhida Stadium, 27 April
2 Is she under a sleeping spell or simply at Cape Town Stadium, and 4 May at
bored by her suitors? Find out in Joburg Joburg’s FNB Stadium. computicket.com
Ballet’s new production of the classic fairy
tale Sleeping Beauty, featuring the gracious 6 What’s the one thing better than having 5
Monike Cristina as Princess Aurora and Ruan hands? Having Hands Like Houses, of 6
Galdino as Prince Florimund. Joburg Theatre, course! You can’t really manipulate small
29 March–7 April, joburgtheatre.com, objects with them, but you can watch them
webtickets.co.za perform their trademark post-hardcore
experimental rock when they arrive on our
3 Sam Smith is battling boredom the shores. Best of all, the tour is 100% in aid of
world over with his Thrill of it All tour, and wildlife conservation and anti-poaching
now he’s bringing it to local shores to efforts across South Africa. Get your hands
rouse us from our somnolence with his up at Mercury Live in Cape Town on 2 March;
trademark soulful crooning. The at Sundowners in Joburg on 8 March; or at
eponymous album has already sold 4 Platteland in Tshwane on 9 March.
million copies, so it must be pretty exciting webtickets.co.za
stuff, but you can find out for yourself in
person on 13 and 14 April at the Ticketpro 7 Exciting news! Through the miracle
Dome in Joburg, and from 16 to 18 April at of scientific necromancy, Frank Sinatra has
the Grand Arena at GrandWest in Cape been resurrected for an exciting international
Town. bigconcerts.co.za big band show, Sinatra and Me. At least
that’s what you’ll believe when you see
4 Okes, Splashy Fen is 30 years old, British performer Richard Shelton belting
making it the oldest festival of its kind in out the crooner’s finest, accompanied by
the country. People who’ve attended the Adam Howard’s 17-piece Joburg Big Band.
hallowed jam in the Underberg know why He has shows across the land - from
it’s been going so long. Steel yourself for Durban to the Elgin Valley - this month.
dozens of terribly interesting acts spread rockwoodtheatre.co.za, atterburyteater.
out over five rather fascinating stages. co.za, joburgtheatre.com, computicket.com,
18–22 April, splashyfen.co.za webtickets.co.za

kulula.com MARCH 2019 25

EXPERIENCE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE

9 8 8 There’s a lot to celebrate at RapidLion Concert, where they’ll be belting out hits Words: Anthony Sharpe, Pictures: Val Adamson, Lauge Sorensen,
12 10 – The South African International Film from the debut album that made them Megan Thompson, Jonx Pillemer, Al Nicholl, supplied
11 Festival, happening at Joburg’s Market famous, and many more. 8–9 March,
13 Theatre from 1 to 10 March. Aside from the computicket.com
14 screenings of films from BRICS countries
and from across Africa and the diaspora, the 12 Looking for a kind and courteous
organisers will also hand out award statues colossus with whom to cuddle up? Then
in the shape of a pouncing lion. Because, as look no further than the Big Friendly Giant,
you know, the bald naked guy with the known to his friends and hip-hop crew as
sword was already taken. rapidlion.co.za The BFG. Following the sold-out success of
last year’s show, Greg King returns to direct
9 Since 2000, the University of this delightful reimagining of Roald Dahl’s
Stellenbosch’s Woordfees has been children’s classic about the friendship of –
celebrating written, visual and performing you guessed it – a big, friendly giant and
arts – and despite the name, it’s not all a young orphan named Sophie. Expect
Afrikaans. For 10 days, the town becomes inventive puppetry and loads of smiles.
one massive festival venue as public spaces, Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, Durban, 20–31
restaurants and pubs are converted into March, computicket.com
improvised theatres, galleries and concert
venues – meanwhile, streets fill with artists 13 If the real world is too boring for you,
and actors and writers and musicians, plus check out the Cape Town International
all their culturally inclined fans. They even Animation Festival, the only dedicated
have some of our favourite comedians lined festival of its kind on the continent. The aim
up – Schalk Bezuidenhout can be seen doing is to bring the best of the global animation
stand-up (one solo show and Broken English industry to Africa, and present the best of
with Loyiso Madinga), straight theatre (Die the African industry to the world. With
Intermissie), and on the big screen (in a programme offering a little bit of
Kanarie). 1–10 March, woordfees.co.za something for everyone, there are not just
kick-ass animated movies, but workshops,
10 The annual Time of the Writer networking sessions and exhibitions of cool
Festival features book readings, panel stuff for the animation geeks. The River
discussions and launches every evening, Club, Observatory, 8–10 March, ctiaf.com
with an incredible diversity of writers
including the wonderful Zambia-born, 14 Frequently touted as one of the
Kenya-based Zukiswa Wanner (pictured). world’s sexiest musicals, Chicago is
It happens in various venues around Durban a high-stamina dance-centred show with
from 11 to 16 March. cca.ukzn.ac.za a gutsy storyline and some seriously fit
bodies giving it their all. With a plot that
11 Next time you feel like you can’t get twists and weaves around a nightclub
out of bed, consider this: Mango Groove has singer, a double-murderess, a smooth-
been making music for 30 years. That’s talking lawyer and a cell block of sin, it’s
three followed by a zero. And lead vocalist got plenty of razzle-dazzle and tunes that
Claire Johnston is still a special star. If you you’ll be singing and tapping your toes to
don’t believe us, get thee hence to The long after the final curtain. Artscape,
Teatro at Montecasino in Joburg for Cape Town, 15 March–14 April,
Mango Groove’s 30 Anniversary computicket.com

26 MARCH 2019 kulula.com





THE MASTER BUILDER IN SPACE EXPERIENCE

adthTahvinehetmcdneofiaaatpltswuSymcTeurheehnpehesaycseemiononrtimLduhnnt,oneeadtoecreagdfinonbPaskvoeeru1eeaaasMmisnwMrlwdfttotarauaehaovrsirrryetemiec.nemcuwhTaahn2t.ohtnaohi:itreodrneelandmsaa2cws0tafowewie1ldvrliw4iehlsedere We spoke to Emmet Brickowski, the
main dude Master Builder who is back to
claim the limelight in his latest animated

blockbuster, The Lego Movie 2:
The Second Part

Emmet Brickowski, a real legend.
Thanks so much for talking to us.

No problem! Everything is totally
awesome!
That’s an incredible attitude. In
fact, we’d love to know how you
manage to stay so cool and calm
and positive – even after your world
was almost entirely annihilated by
the Lego Duplo alien invaders ?
A sunny disposition is my
signature trait. It’s unshakeable.
Oh, and I also rely on coffee.
Emmet, everyone wants to know…
Does being a Lego character mean
you’ve ever been dropped from
a great height?

Of course.

kulula.com MARCH 2019 29

EXPERIENCE THE MASTER BUILDER IN SPACE

And you’ve landed on your head? Quite a hero, then? During your mission did you find out Words: Keith Bain, Pictures: Courtesy of Warner Bros.
Well, if being a stubble-faced just how big the universe is?
Many times. tough guy who is confident,
That’s quite a complicated
So do you have a stunt double? brash and experienced in the ways of question for a Lego character,
I do all my own stunts. The only the world, and flies through space in but I’ll try to answer. When Lucy,
thing I don’t do is my voice… a ridiculously over-the-top battleship whom you might know as Wyldstyle,
named the Rexcelsior means ‘hero’ to was captured by obnoxious aliens, they
How is that? you, then I guess so. took her to the Systar System, a galaxy
Well, my voice is performed by Wow, he sounds ultra-cool. ruled by Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi. She’s
Chris Pratt. a heinous shapeshifter who frequently
He does have tame raptors breaks into song-and-dance routines,
The Chris Pratt? working on his spaceship. so things got pretty funky out there.
Yes. As you’d expect, the film’s His spaceship’s crew are dinosaurs? Um, what was the question?
producers insisted on hiring the Yes, they’re super-cute with Seems like a very convoluted plot.
tiny arms. You have no idea. Mainly though,
most heroic man in the universe to do So, Chris Pratt plays the voice of the film is about my mission to
my voice. We have a lot in common, a guy who keeps dinosaurs? Why save Lucy – and the others. Even Batman
Chris and I. He’s a very upbeat guy. does this sound so familiar? needed saving.
He’s a triple threat, you know? Muscly The filmmakers thought it would That’s very heroic of you.
and hilarious and talented, which is be hilarious if Rex represented I wonder, on your adventure
a three-way combination that’s hard a bunch of references to Chris Pratt’s through space, did you happen to
to find. live action films. So the raptors are meet Elon Musk?
Did you hang out with him in the a joke about Jurassic World. Very I met him once, but not in space.
sound studio? post-modern screenwriting. He says he’s planning to go to
Emmet, how do you feel about Mars, but he’s gone underground with
Well, no, that’s not how sound wardrobe changes? his new venture, The Boring Company.
recording for animated films Well, as a Lego character, I don’t I think he was genuinely inspired by our
works. They played him the footage with have any. I’ve worn this Master meeting, because last year he announced
me mouthing the words and he spoke Builder construction worker outfit through he was going to start selling Lego-like
into the microphone. I was pretty busy two major motion pictures already. bricks made with material dug up by
on voice-recording days, modelling for Does it make you feel boxed in? his gigantic drilling machines. His
new Lego packs. Besides, Chris was kept Maybe. But, I get it. This is how Boring bricks are interlocking and have
busy too, because he was also hired to I was put together in the factory. a precise surface finish so you can
play the voice of Rex. You’ve undertaken many great build the outer walls of a small house
Rex? adventures and in this film you in a couple of days.
Rex Dangervest. He’s this very journeyed across the universe. That’s incredible. On another
small, minor, tiny, insignificant, note… we’ve also heard that
bit-part character in the film. No there’s an amazing new theme
one really. song for the movie?
And what does Rex do in the film? Total earworm material. This
Apart from constantly insisting song will get stuck inside your head
that he invented the phrase like nothing you’ve ever heard before.
‘no regrets’, Rex is a deconstructionist. Thanks, Emmet, we can’t wait.
He sees himself as a multi-talent:
defender of the galaxy, archaeologist, Awesome!
cowboy… He basically roams the
universe looking for trouble – a bit
like that Harrison Ford character in
Star Wars.

30 MARCH 2019 kulula.com





PENINSULA FOOD TOUR EXPERIENCE

Forget pedalling around the
peninsula with 35 000 cycle

maniacs. Ilse Zietsman
goes on a tour of dining
spots along the 109km-long
Cape Town Cycle Tour route.
Because nothing is as boring
as spending 10 hungry hours
waiting for your Mamil
work colleague to come
puffing up Suikerbossie
on his brand new bike

STARTER’S ORDERS

This year’s Cycle Tour returns to its roots
by starting at the Grand Parade precinct.
Your bestie-on-a-bike is probably only
starting in the last batch, so before the
starter’s pistol cracks, why not head
up Buitenkant Street for a pick-me-up
at Truth (truth.coffee), headquarters
of steampunk in Cape Town. Don’t be
intimidated by the leather aprons, brass
goggles, neckcloths and corsets of
the waitstaff – they are genuinely on
a mission to help you get enough caffeine
to help you through this long day.

Truth’s blends have innovative names
such as ‘Deep, dark and twisted’ and
‘Black honey’ accompanied by tasting
notes – alternatively a shot of grappa
can be added to your espresso.

kulula.com MARCH 2019 33

EXPERIENCE PENINSULA FOOD TOUR

At Truth, wrong with grilled prawns with garlic,
the innovative chilli and lemon zest.
coffee and novel
breakfasts come For a more down-home atmosphere,
with a serving with seafood straight off the boat,
of steampunk Kalky’s (below right) is a time-tested
old-school fish ‘n’ chips shop with
attitude plastic tablecloths and a ceaselessly
joyous buzz. Line up and order from the
Want to try something different? doubt starts to get more colourful, too. blackboard menus, then grab
Albumen Airship is a cold coffee drink that Oh dear, and they’re not even 30km in! a table while you wait for your number
comprises a shot of espresso, blended to be hollered out by one of the super-
with egg white and condensed milk. For the best from-your-table view of sociable serving ladies.
the pedal marathon, there are plenty of
Whichever way you take your poison, places lining the main strip – at Sharing is caring, but if you
you’ll be wide-eyed with enthusiasm by Olympia (olympiacafe.co.za) you can find yourself sitting outside
the time your favourite cyclist sets off, practically lean out of the window with on the pier, beware of the
assuming you don’t relinquish spectating a croissant in your hand and urge your seagulls. They’ve been
in favour of breakfast. Truth serves boss to keep pedalling… known to steal chips
a mean Steampunk Benedict with from plates.
poached egg, artisanal bacon, cherry More fun though might be to join
tomatoes and hollandaise sauce on the throngs that’ll be gathered at one Until late last year,
sourdough toast or go the whole hog with of the restaurants built on the harbour’s Fish Hoek was a dry town;
a Sho’t Left Mixed Grill, a plate filled to the breakwater. At Live Bait (livebait.co.za) after 200 years, you can
brim with mfino (Zulu spinach), roasted you can nibble on sardines off the grill now finally buy booze there.
vine tomatoes, a skilpadjie, a marinated while wondering how your Lycra-clad Don’t wait for the new retro-funky
lamb rib chop, free-range beef wors, colleagues are doing, or forget about Stargarden Boutique Café (pictured
a mature Cheddar-infused mielie cake and them and think about what below), to get its liquor license – you
a soft-boiled egg. Which will certainly see to order next. Fresh can bring your own wine. And you
you through till lunch… West Coast mussels should. The food is exquisite, as is the
and smoked paprika interior with parakeet green walls, teal
FALSE STARTS IN calamari can
FALSE BAY be ordered as a velvet booth seats and chairs and a
starter or a main, selection of offbeat art, some
Kalk Bay shelters one of the last and you can’t go of it for sale, on the walls.
working fishing harbours in South The menu changes monthly
Africa. Not only does it have a handful – think seed-crusted
of restaurants, it also has seals Gorgonzola cheesecake
inadvertently posing for photographs, with smoked honey, pickled
seabirds swooping down for titbits and beetroot and hazelnuts.
an opportunity to listen to the robust, Or maybe leg of lamb with
colourful language of the fishermen. lavender sauce, honeyed
pumpkin and beetroot-stained
And as the less experienced cyclists
head through town, their language no chickpeas or chicken and chickpea
curry accompanied by Persian pilaf. If
you’re keen on some sympathy carbo-
loading, for dessert there’s a beetroot and
carrot cake which sounds like it’s mostly
vegetables, but is pretty spectacular.

34 MARCH 2019 kulula.com



EXPERIENCE PENINSULA FOOD TOUR

Wait it THE FINAL STRETCH tackle Suikerbossie. The balcony Pictures: Ilse Zietsman, supplied
out at Simon’s of the Chapman’s Peak Hotel
Town’s light-filled Actually, having cycled the lower (chapmanspeakhotel.co.za) is
Lighthouse Café; or contour of the Swartkop Mountains and possibly the best place to do so.
try pizza from Camel veered inland at Smitswinkel, by the You could also base yourself
Rock’s camel- time the cyclists reach the 2pm cut-off at Suikerbossie Restaurant
shaped pizza just before Scarborough, they still have (suikerbossie.co.za) which is near the
49km to go. top of that wretched uphill – there are
oven gorgeous views and a buffet breakfast.
In Scarborough, the Camel Rock
If you decide Restaurant & Oasis Garden Between Suikerbossie and Bakoven,
to wait it out in (camelrocks.co.za) is precisely the kind sustenance comes mostly in the form
Simon’s Town, of place where mere mortals would of food trucks dotted along the road
40km into the be tempted to give up their dreams of side. Chris Swanepoel, the chef at Carte
race, head to The Cuisine (pictured below), makes a mean
Lighthouse Café finishing in favour of a relaxing chilli cheese burger; his real beef patties
(thelighthousecafe.co.za) spell with cold beers and are never precooked but that’s what
which is so much more than pizza. It’s also a great place makes his burgers worth the extra wait.
merely a café. Its vibe is laidback, to hang out while you
the design part-beach house, part- wait for the saddle-sore Another mobile food stalwart,
French Provençal. Breakfast is and weary-limbed to Street Café has great iced coffee and
served until 11:30, which should give come trudging along the real gelato. The owner loves the vibe of
you ample time to indulge before winding coastal road. the Cycle Tour; he says loads of cyclists
you need to be roadside to support Steaming pizzas emerge stop at his food truck for a rest (plus
your friends on two wheels. Apart from the stomach of the ice cream and cold espresso) before
from the usual breakfast suspects, tackling the last stretch.
there’s a glorious sweetcorn fritter camel-shaped pizza oven,
stack with bacon and maple syrup to ensuring that you’re well fed by the In Bakoven, the street-facing
tempt you – or a banana loaf served time your friends pedal past. Bootleggers (bootlegger.co.za) will be
with sliced banana and vanilla- In Noordhoek, the beloved home of familiar to many of the cyclists cruising
and-cinnamon yoghurt. If you hippies, tree-huggers, and assorted past – it’s a decent spot from which to
arrive around midday, opt artists, pull into Noordhoek Farm Village yell words of encouragement for the
for moules marinières where Café Roux (caferoux.co.za) has remaining 10km. You can also take your
(West Coast mussels shroom burgers and vegan curry, The pick of cushy places to sprawl out along
cooked the French way), Foodbarn Deli (thefoodbarn.co.za) the Camps Bay strip, although it’s hardly
Jamie’s beer-battered fish serves a raw breakfast (and cooked sporting to cheer for someone who has
and chips or bouillabaisse breakfasts too, as well as wraps and just slogged 100km on a bicycle while
(when available) for lunch. salads and pies and scrummy baked you’re cradling a cocktail. Gin and tonics
goods) and The Toad in the Village are far more satisfying.

(thetoad.co.za) does pub-style Hardcore supporters will
grub such as Lekker Lamb be lined up along Beach
Vindaloo and an Eish Road in Sea Point until
Eisbein. the final cut-off at
5pm. The rest of us
You’d do well to will probably
join the crowds in be slaking our
Hout Bay who’ll thirsts at Rockpool
be giving support (205 Beach Road).
to the poor souls
just before they

36 MARCH 2019 kulula.com





SNORE MORE EXPERIENCE

REST ASSURED

TECHNICOLOUR
DREAMS

Snooze you lose, say those who lay their heads in lesser quarters. But these three abodes
have ways of turning bedtime into an occasion

1 A BEAUT ON ORANGE

Thaasophobia is fear of boredom – of finding yourself bone idle or sitting around with nothing to do. Should this bizarre phobia strike you in
Cape Town, you have only yourself to blame. Take super-central 15 on Orange, for example. Step out in virtually any direction and there’s
not only a pretty vista, but the bustle of Kloof and Long Streets a short stroll away, plus the planetarium and Company’s Garden, museums,
boutiques and the independent Labia cinema. What’s more, this chic contemporary hotel is in the midst of an all-over overhaul. Now part of
the Marriott International Autograph Collection, the property’s new owners have dipped into deep pockets to make more of the gorgeous
views beyond its huge floor-to-ceiling windows and add visual drama with sumptuous fabrics in sensual hues and comforting textures.
Marvellous green, gold and black furniture, plants, sculptures and plush carpeting have transformed the vast atrium-style lobby (pictured
above), along with the circular bar and its hanging origami-style birds. While ongoing upgrades will see guestrooms refurbished and
a new Amani Spa opened by May, already there is a gorgeous new pool deck – affording gracious mountain views and open to day visitors.
Whether you’re checking in, or stopping by to groove to weekend DJs, soak up an indulgent cocktail, or sample the new bistronomy menu,
the space is a sure-fire antidote to any thaasophobic tendencies. autographhotels.com

kulula.com MARCH 2019 39

EXPERIENCE SNORE MORE

23

2 HOW GREEN IS MY VALLEY? 3 ROSES ARE RED Words: Nicci Collier, Seth Wood, Pictures: Hamish Niven, Supplied

Set in the Mkhomazana Valley on the banks of the Despite rumours to the contrary, Bloemfontein is far from
Mkhomazana River, Premier Resort Sani Pass sits at the foot drab. Prolific colourful blooms have earned it the moniker
of the legendary mountain pass that links KwaZulu-Natal to ‘City of Roses’, while its Sesotho name, ‘Manguang’ – the
Lesotho. The resort offers natural beauty in spades with its place of cheetahs – hints at the incredible wildlife that once
epic mountain vistas and protected nature reserve surrounds. held sway in this region. While locals like to joke that the
If you wish to busy yourself every minute of your stay, you’ll Free State is so flat you can see into next week, Bloem is
find plenty of activities to indulge an active disposition. There’s within easy reach of the mountain kingdom of Lesotho, and
a bowling green and badminton, golf, snooker and volleyball the magnificent Golden Gate Highlands National Park isn’t
facilities. Or you can idly while away the minutes as you indulge far, either. Nevertheless, those who pass through the city on
in fly-fishing or engage in the French ball-throwing sport of the long drive between Joburg and Cape Town are generally
petanque. Of course, there’s a spa, where being bone idle is unaware of the city’s treasures: Naval Hill in the 250-hectare
the whole point. And a pair of pools, including one indoors. And Franklin Game Reserve, which is home to giraffe, blesbok,
yes, the main attraction is the Sani Pass: those exhilarating, eland, zebra and blue wildebeest, as well as incredible birdlife
edge-of-your-seat, adrenaline-fuelled 4x4 excursions. None such as Karoo scrub robins, fairy flycatchers, and violet-eared
of which is particularly tedious. But if you’ve come out here waxbills. The world’s second-tallest Mandela statue which
in search of boredom – the good kind, the kind that resets stands eight metres high is in Bloem too. It also shelters the
your system and revives your soul – you’ve come to the National Women’s Monument (pictured above), the impressive
right place too. Think big, comfortable beds in generously Oliewenhuis Art Museum and the first digital planetarium
apportioned rooms with views out towards those spectacular, in sub-Saharan Africa. While few pause to appreciate these
ogle-worthy mountain views. After hearty buffet breakfasts, attractions, the imminent arrival of a new hotel may well
you can wander off into the wild and lose yourself in thoughts be reason to turn your next trip into a more long-winded
of nothing and everything – and if the doldrums really do affair. The old Stanville Hotel has been undergoing a massive
set in, sign up for some Wild Sky Paragliding in nearby makeover in preparation for its transformation into Splendid
Bulwer or perhaps a horse trail up the mountain to Lesotho. Inn Bloemfontein, an 88-bedroom business-focussed property
premierhotels.co.za imagined by the Premier hotel chain. premierhotels.co.za

40 MARCH 2019 kulula.com









MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE EXPLORE

Words: Keith Bain, Picture: Osborne Macharia, courtesy of Zeitz MOCAA UTOPIAN VISION?
This photograph by Kenya’s
EXPLORE Osborne Macharia is inspired
Here. There. Everywhere.
by freedom fighters who
fought during Kenya’s struggle

for independence. Entitled
General Njuguna, the portrait
imagines one of the guerrilla
war’s commanders-in-chief. But,
while there’s genuine historical
context, the general’s uniform
and eyewear (both created by
fashion designer Kevo Abbra)

catapult the image into an
alternative dimension. Macharia,

whose photographs combine
elements of history and science

fiction, is a leading exponent
of Afrofuturism, a movement
in art and popular culture that
was vividly brought to life in last
year’s mega-blockbuster, Black
Panther. Macharia describes
it as ‘a post-colonial narrative
about the continent, where you
embrace history, and present the
culture and future aspirations
of black people through art,
through music, through fashion’.
In this way, he says, artists
distil a different story about
Africa. The photograph is part
of a broader exhibition entitled
Still Here Tomorrow To High Five
You Yesterday which is currently
showing at the Zeitz Museum
of Contemporary Art Africa.

It explores ways in which
creative people have tackled the

complex concept of utopia
and its relationship with human

progress. The exhibition
continues until July.
zeitzmocaa.museum

Downtime in Dullstroom 46 Slow time in Siberia 74 and finding time for pallid places 94
PLUS Being Riaad Moosa 55 Mamil mania 63 Plank pioneers 83

kulula.com MARCH 2019 45

COUNTRY BUMPKIN

Biénne Huisman takes a peek beyond Dullstroom’s postcard-pretty façade

46 MARCH 2019 kulula.com

FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS EXPLORE

pictures: xxxxxxx

kulula.com MARCH 2019 47

EXPLORE FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS A s one of South Africa’s highest
towns – at 2 077 metres above
Dullstroom’s sea level, it’s roughly two Table
wildlife rehab Mountains up – Dullstroom literally has its
centre is donation- head in the clouds. Swathed in mist most
funded; it offers daily of the year, with rolling thunderstorms
raptor flight demonstrations in summer, this eastern escarpment
between 10:30am and settlement in Mpumalanga packs a pretty
2:30pm, weather punch: think jewel green hills, waterfalls
and lakes curled in lush crevices.
permitting However, beneath this picturesque
lethargy beats a bristling heart that does
48 MARCH 2019 not ebb when weekend visitors leave.

Indeed, city dwellers flock to the
town for fly-fishing, good food and all
things quaint; it’s a two-and-a-half hour
drive from Joburg (256km away) and
the weekend influx is known as ‘the
Dullstroom Dash’. But even those
residents who remain beyond Sunday will
have you know: there’s nothing dull about
Dullstroom. A fact possibly evidenced
in a recent name change; the town’s full
name is now Dullstroom-Emnotweni.
Emnotweni is Zulu slang for ‘place of
prosperity’ or ‘where the money is at’.

It’s not all about weekenders and fast
cash, though. Two kilometres outside
town, at the Dullstroom Bird of Prey
and Rehabilitation Centre (birdsofprey.
co.za), conservationist Frith Douglas works
around the clock to heal wild animals –
she refers to them as her ‘patients’.
Presently 23 birds are being rehabilitated
at the animal hospital, including a lesser
spotted eagle, admitted last year with
a broken wing. ‘We successfully prepared
the wing, but he started to moult before
he could migrate back to Russia last
March,’ says Frith. ‘We’re hoping he can
leave this March, but he is moulting again,
so we’re using medication to speed up
the process – we really want to get
this guy up in the air and back to
Eastern Europe.’

kulula.com