White Coat Reflections • 2021 • Class of 2025

School of Medicine

WHITE COAT Class of 2025

for students,

Reflectionsby students

Dedicated to...

E. Albert Reece, MD, PhD, MBA

Dean of the School of Medicine

For his relentless advocacy and support
of the artistic and creative endeavors of

medical students at our school.

On the cover

Community: The Heart of Medicine

Sanyukta Deshmukh, MS1

◆

a foreword
The “Art of Medicine” is a phrase that echoes through history, carrying the
monumental weight of countless centuries of physician-artist practitioners
whose names echo just as strongly through history. The blending of the art
and practice of medicine has been the core of the great physicians of antiquity
from Imhotep (c. 2650-2600 BC), Hippocrates of Kos (c. 400-370 BC), and
Galen of Pergamon (c. 129-200 AD), through to the renaissance physicians
of Andreas Vesalius (c. 1514-1564), and Giovanni Baptista Morgagni (c.
1682-1771), onto the modern era physician-artists of Henry Grey (c. 1827-
1861) and Frank Netter (c. 1906-1991). Indeed, it is hard to separate the
development of medical knowledge from illustration of the human form
and from the underlying artistic expressiveness of the physician-artists
broadening the biological understanding of ourselves. Not only does the art
of medicine broaden the biological understanding of ‘us’, but it is through the
lens of art that the individual physician-artist carries the viewer with them on
their emotional artistic journey. This journey transports us all through their
artistic doorway into a deeper understanding of ‘us’.
It is in the context of the difficulties and stresses of the practice of medicine
that the art of medicine grounds us all with that tangible vision of ‘us’, granting
emotional interconnectivity and inner peace. The collection of artistic
expressions here in this publication highlight the expressiveness, creativity,
and vision that these current physician-artists bring as they carry us, the
viewers, on their journey. The depth of artistic talents presented here are
breathtaking and echo with the ageless history of the intersection of art and
practice. It is through the talents and vision expounded in this publication, I
can safely say that the hands holding the future of the “Art of Medicine” will
continue to grow and echo that deeper understanding of ‘us’.

Adam C. Puche, PhD
Professor

White Coat Reflections ◆2021 1

the Creative HeArts team

Beita Badiei, MS2 Rachel Bailey, MS2 Kaitlyn Freels, MS2

The arts have always been an integral part When life gets busy, creative hobbies can A student at my interview day
of my life and I am so grateful for the get left behind. I joined Creative HeArts recommended Creative HeArts and I was
Creative HeArts community for fostering to encourage us to stay creative and to immediately interested. I loved that there
an environment that encourages us all, no create opportunities where we can express were other medical students that find joy
matter our background, to use the creative ourselves freely. in creativity and self-expression. Art is
process to reflect on our experiences and my outlet for creating something not for
connect with others. the sake of production, but reflection and
peace in even the most troubling times.

Michael Sikorski, GS4 Emilie Berman, MS1

We started Create HeArts six years ago We all have humanity, embodied and
to foster reflection and expression among expressed in our feelings and emotions.
our medical student classmates. With Creative HeArts fosters the expression of
every new issue, I am re-grounded by the our humanity through art and reflection.
shared challenges that starting medical I joined the team because I love to look at
school entailed and I am newly inspired by art and I want to support my classmates
the profound reflections painted, drawn, through our journey in medicine together.
designed, and penned by my peers. Thank
you, authors, for sharing.

2 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Sanyukta Deshmukh, MS1 Cassandra Seifert, MS1 Mitali Sakar, MS1

Sanyukta joined Creative HeArts to Creative HeArts captures the intrinsic I joined Creative HeArts to better explore
rekindle her own connection to the arts relationship between art and humanity my passion for writing and poetry and
and humanities. She considers all forms and for me has been a way of navigating also to promote the art of creativity
of art to be a universal language, and loves the world of medicine through metaphor. and expression in medicine. Hopefully
how much she is able to learn about her There’re 1,000 ways to write of the same this journal serves as an oasis for many
peers at UMSOM through their reflective experience and with a single word, a single students and helps bring us recognize
pieces. perspective change, we can change the shared feelings and experiences through
story. pictures and writing.

Nicole Tugarinov, MS1 Shirin Parsa, MS1

I joined Creative HeArts because it is I joined Creative HeArts because I truly
a great way to connect with the more believe that art and medicine cannot
humanistic, abstract, and creative parts of exist without one another; they are
medicine and of myself. Being in medical interconnected in every healing process.
school has shown me how important it is Art is present through unbelievable forms
to make room for art and expression, and around us, and to acknowledge it through
to take time to reflect on what made me music, drawing, dance, and other means is
commit to being a physician in the first just as essential as learning and mastering
place and on my experiences thus far. I the revolutionary science which, together,
appreciate all the amazing members of this provide the most solace and ultimately
group and have loved being a part of it all! heal the patient. I’m so grateful to be part
of this team!

White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021 3

Table of Contents

Foreword Dr. Adam C. Puche..........................................................................1
The Creative HeArts Team................................................................................2
Table of Contents................................................................................................4
Valley of Memories Angela Geiger, MS1........................................................6
Foreign Trails Mitali Sarkar, MS1....................................................................7
The Spiral Anonymous, MS1......................................................................... 8
“Where are you right now?” ~ Mom Anonymous, MS1............................10
A Gift to Your Future Self Cassandra Seifert, MS1.....................................11
The Starry Sky Emma Lawrence, MS1..........................................................12
Charm City Emilie Berman, MS1.................................................................13
GBH Emilie Berman, MS1.............................................................................14
Peaceful Waters Shirin Parsa, MS1................................................................15
A brief eulogy for lost anatomical names Marquis Berrey, MS1...............16

4 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Community: The Heart of Medicine Sanyukta Deshmukh, MS1.............18
Changes Nicol Tugarinov, MS1.....................................................................19
The Fabric of a White Coat Megan McClure, MS1.....................................20
Qualities of UMSOM Anonymous, MS1.....................................................21
Notes to my Pre-Med School Self… Claire Macatee, MS1........................22
Pumpkin Carving Fernando Martinez Guasch, MS1.................................23
A Different Holiday Break Gurbani Singh, MS1.........................................24
Pancake Brain Fuel Anonymous, MS1.........................................................26
Homemade Fried Chicken TC, MS1............................................................27
Golden Weekend Picnic Ave Keefer, MS1....................................................28
Spreading Wellness, Sharing Cultures Puja Patel, MS1..............................29
Beauty in the Finite P. C. Kim, MS1..............................................................30

White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021 5

Valley of Memories

Angela Geiger, MS1

Last year one of my dogs, Buddy, passed away. My uncle frequently took him hiking and
backpacking, and one of their favorite places to go was Bears Ears Lake in Colorado. This
piece is based off a picture they took while backpacking there.

Stained Glass (photograph of)

6 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Foreign Trails

Mitali Sarkar, MS1

My mother always told me
to build a fortress of resilience and ambition,
surrounded by an ocean of crashing waves.
She raised me on the fervor of immigrant dreams,
molding a foundation
that could withstand the blow
of a million stones.

Yet, now that I’m finally here,
standing atop this mountain of sacrifices
I don’t feel privileged.
Rather than being in awe of catching a glimpse
of the vista that so many before me
strove arduously to see,
I’m afraid to peer below-
terrified of losing my footing.
I feel like a culprit
intruding upon a land
that was never meant to be mine.

Will I ever satisfy the hunger for knowledge,
representation, and advocacy from which
generations before me have been starved?
Will I have the courage to traverse
these foreign trails?
Can I add enough rocks to this steep precipice
so that the summit finally reaches the sun?

-Mitali Sarkar

White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021 7

The Spiral

Anonymous, MS1
She hastily runs down the black asphalt towards the school. Careful not to step in any potholes
on the street, she watches her feet. It was starting to get cold around this time in the morning,
but nothing too bothersome. Her mind is almost blank as the rush of getting there with ample
time is keeping her somewhat preoccupied. As she approaches the door, she grabs her badge and
enters.
She makes it on time. As she did every morning. The routine never really changed—always
waking up late enough to have to run to class. The morning shuffle was always quickly put in
the back of her mind once the day started. After several hours of lectures and discussions, her
thoughts started to ramp up and her mind was no longer at peace. Rather, the lecture material was
circulating tandem to the feeling of being overwhelmed. It was always an inner battle between
staying focused and spiraling.
On Mondays she has class until noon. Unless it was the first Monday of the month then she has a
meeting at five. On Tuesdays she has class until noon as well. Unless it was a special week where
there’s a standardized patient scheduled. Was that scheduled for next week? Oh, on Wednesdays
she has class and then tutoring. Can’t forget to prepare for that. Thursdays its class and then
practice of medicine. Fridays its… wait did she have anything planned for Friday after class?
She needs to study— that’s all she was able to repeat to herself. Study after class, study after
lunch, study after dinner, study before bed. She has a little gap between two activities, perfect
time to knock out some flashcards! Days fly like this. Time barely feels real anymore. Constantly
ramping up for an exam and then finding two days of relief to jump back into a pool of stress.
She puts in all this effort, removing herself from the worldly activities that once kept her securely
on the ground. Yet, when she looks in the mirror at the end of the night after brushing her teeth,
she feels a deep sense of unease.
Underperforming on exams. Unable to keep up with her relationships. Feeling a general lack
of support from those within the institution whom she expected to rely on. Feeling insecure.
Feeling angry that she cannot keep up sometimes. Was she unintelligent? Was that it? She should
not be here. They don’t want her here. Wait, but they chose her to be here? But then why was she
feeling this way? Where are they now that she’s asking for help? She’s screaming but why can’t
anyone hear her. Where is everyone?

8 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Spiraling. She buried her head in between her knees, rocking back and forth on the rug in the
center of her room. Her fingers are pale from clenching so tightly. She felt her eyes well with
tears. Heart racing. She is trying to take deep breaths but with each inhalation she shudders. She
looks up with blurry eyes hoping to find something to focus on other than her thoughts.
But there was never anything that was strong enough to pull her out of the hole she dug for
herself. The hole that grasped her feet and kept tugging with each passing week.
Every moment of self-doubt brought the dirt up higher until it reached her torso, and then her
neck, and then her chin, and then her mouth, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe.
She looked at her coat hanging in her room. Etched with her name and embezzled with a gold
pin, it hung tauntingly. Teasing her into believing she deserved its placement on her narrow
shoulders. She did deserve it, but she didn’t believe it.
This trance repeated multiple times until it wounded her so severely, she had no choice to but
to reflect on herself. She felt jaded, exhausted, unmotivated, and unhappy. This realization was
almost freeing as for the first time since the summer nights began to get shorter, she felt hopeful
for change. She reminded herself why she was here in the first place— to marry her instinctual
drive with her love of growth. She was here for her community that helped raise her, she was here
for her family that relied on her, she was here for herself.
The coat dangled but it lost its dark meaning. It resembled a newfound dream, one built on the
aspiration that put here in the first place. The spirals still return, but without the formerly deathly
grasp it once held. She was no longer screaming.
As the weeks passed, the mornings got colder and colder. She still runs to class, but she was
familiar with the pothole placements on the ground, so she need not be as careful anymore. Her
mind is still blank as she checks the time. As she approaches the door, she grabs her badge and
enters.

White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021 9

“Where are you right now?” ~ Mom

Anonymous, MS1

“It’s a lot, but I’m also having fun”

10 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

A Gift to Your Future Self
Cassandra Seifert, MS1

A Gift to Your Future Self like hairs in carpets, the tumbleweeds.
We’re supposed to be taking a history
is the phrase (read: faith) the doctor shares and so, when the preceptor asks
with the patient as if really saying, what diagnosis we’ve reached,
Put the pill bottle next to your toothbrush we’re 100% certain when we name it a stroke
and please, take the amlodipine. and she says, Oh, the guy with H. pylori?
Then comes the why: the stroke risk, the renal risk, And so, I’m learning that I’m learning
the appeal to the future self, how to read again –
almost religiously, almost like a prayer. one fish, two fish.
Raincoat, white coat.
The patient nods as if saying “yes”
and I, a cross-legged shadow, think about routine.
I jot a gif on my hot pink pad of sticky notes
before my gel pen dies and I’m left
with a desperate attempt at t, a # scar,
a beginning unbeknownst to me.

The next patient says they live with piranhas –

baby piranhas, to be clear.
They’re the size of a pointer finger,
$6 a piece. I have a million
questions but the sun
is setting and I need to leave
so instead, I say,
What questions do you have for me?

Do you have the winning lottery numbers?
the patient says, and I wish
we could have all the details
yet still appreciate the Mona Lisa.
I tell the patient I wish, I wish,
but that it might be faster to find
Chez Tortoni, all the lost things

11White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

The Starry Sky

Emma Lawrence, MS1

“Tell me why every time I look up at the starry night (sky) now all I see is macrophages
phagocytizing cellular debris among proliferating lymphoma cells? “

12 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Charm City

Emilie Berman, MS1

13White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

GBH

Emilie Berman, MS1

Drawing

The first thing I drew on my iPad I brought to school.

14 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Peaceful Waters
Shirin Parsa, MS1

Photograph; December 12th, 2021

Fell’s Point Harbor on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

15White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

A brief eulogy for lost anatomical names
Marquis Berrey, MS1

The torcular Herophili. The foramen of Morgagni. The pouch of Douglas. The ligaments of Cooper.
Perhaps you’ve heard of some of these names, or something like them. They’re anatomical terms that
reference real objects of the body. Or, they used to be. Anatomists have now re-christened these objects
with more. precise, less laudatory names: the confluence of the sinuses, the sternocostal triangle, the
rectouterine space, the suspensory ligaments of the breast. The newer names offer anatomical precision
in their description.
And yet I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the passing of old names. To my mind, these lost
anatomical names chart a history of discoveries, a chronology of explorations, a mapping of the
knowledge of the body in time. The names are honorific, of course. But they are more than that. These
anatomists and physicians have been my teachers and my teachers’ teachers. What could we learn from
the eponymous of the body’s holes, conduits, passageways?
Consider the left recurrent laryngeal nerve. The left recurrent laryngeal (a part of the vagus nerve) runs
down from the brain along the carotid arteries, passes under the aortic arch, then travels back up to
innervate the larynx. The descriptive name tells us which side of the body it travels, its unique direction
of travel, and what body part it innervates. What could be simpler? Yet this nerve has an eponym: the
left recurrent laryngeal nerve used to be called Galen’s nerve. When we consider its eponym, we launch
into a history of its discovery.1
It was the spring in Rome, a pleasant season, before the mosquitos and the suffocating heat of summer.2
Down the Sacred Way, a central business avenue, toward the marketplaces of the old Roman forum
and the newer Imperial forum the merchants and shoppers and sightseers streamed. Sighting the
Colosseum on their right, they walked under the triumphal Arch of Titus and past the shops and the
high-cost storerooms for rent. Passing between the neighboring buildings 200 meters away from the
Arch, some ducked into the colonnaded walls of the Temple of Peace (like the Arch, built from the
spoils of the sack of Jerusalem 93 years earlier3) to emerge into a large grassy and sunlit forum within.
Within the Temple courtyard Roman intellectuals, philosophers, sophists, and orators gathered to
review issues of the day, debate, and publicly refute their opponents. Galen the physician, a Greek
arrived six or seven months earlier from the eastern Mediterranean, was giving a public demonstration.
Among those present inside the forum of the Temple of Peace were philosophers focusing on causation
and Roman magistrates, one of whom was related by marriage to the reigning co-emperors, Lucius Verus
and Marcus Aurelius. To the philosophers Galen set a challenge: what was the organ of consciousness
in the body? was it the brain, as Plato thought? or the heart, as Aristotle?4 The dissection of recurrent
laryngeal nerve promised to decide the issue. A live pig lay supine on the dissecting table. Bound with
rope knotted through the holes perforated in the board, the pig screamed as Galen approached with
the knife. And who can tell a Roman pig apart from a Greek one when they both scream gru gru?5 The
animal’s struggles, the philosophers muttering and observing intently, a cosmopolitan commotion
filled the air.
Against the noise and screams that echoed off the colonnaded stones of the Temple, like the good
anatomist he was, Galen dissected quickly and exposed the thin runny laryngeal nerves of both right
and left to show they originated with the vagus from the brain. And still the pig heaved against the

16 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

ropes and still breath came through
its throat, then suddenly there was
no voice but merely a wind passing
through the still-intact throat. La dolce
vita. For Galen now ligated the nerves
with a little string and showed its
function of controlling the voicebox.
The mechanistic conclusion lay open
before the philosophers and Roman magistrates: the thin white wires tracing from the brain gave voice.
The brain, not the heart, was the source of volition and conscious command. The scene was important
enough in the mythos of anatomical dissection that Andreas Vesalius left it as the last illustration in his
own magisterial anatomy nearly 1400 years later (a Galenic detail Vesalius’ readers were sure to note,
since his own animal of dissection was a dog).6
Things exist apart from their names, of course. An anatomist is less likely to be led astray by the simple
description ‘left recurrent laryngeal nerve’ than the eponymous ‘Galen’s nerve’. Still, the lesson I take
to heart in these eponymic structures is not an honorific of its discoverer so much as an example of
means to obtaining scientific truth. We learn to emulate models of investigation as we progress in
our scientific studies, a rough and ready pedagogical approach that Thomas Kuhn elaborated into a
philosophy of science. Galen’s emphatic demonstration that the connection of the nerves relates to
their function is a lesson that still resonates in surgery.
John Keats, the English Romantic poet who died and is buried in Rome, knew no Greek. But he trained
as a physician at Guy’s Hospital in London and must have learned both his descriptive and eponymous
Latin anatomy well. I like to think that he knew the chronology of the anatomy of the body. In his
poetry he hit upon what it is like to travel on a teacher’s tracks and yet see for yourself for the first time.
Much have I travell’d in the realms of gold,
And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;
Round many western islands have I been
Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold.
Oft of one wide expanse had I been told
That deep-brow’d Homer ruled as his demesne;
Yet did I never breathe its pure serene
Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold:
Then felt I like some watcher of the skies
When a new planet swims into his ken;
Or like stout Cortez when with eagle eyes
He star’ d at the Pacific-and all his men
Look’ d at each other with a wild surmise -
Silent, upon a peak in Darien.7

1 - My retelling is a composite of Galen On Prognosis 5, On the Avoidance of Grief 4-6, Anatomical Procedures 11.4.
2 - Historical data of seasonal mosquito prevalence in R. Salares 2002 Malaria and Rome.
3 - Tacitus Agricola 30: “where Romans make a desert, they call a peace.”
4 - Cardiocentrism versus encephalocentrism in J. Rocca 2003 Galen on the Brain.
5 - Onomatopoeic verbs of the animal: Liddell-Scott-Jones s.v. γρύζώ, Oxford Latin Dictionary s.v. grunnio.
6 - A. Vesalius 1543 De llumani Corporis Fubrica, p.661. Vesalius imitates Galen in L.A. Salas 2020 Cutting Words.
7 - J. Keats l 816 “On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer”.

17White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Community: The Heart of Medicine
Sanyukta Deshmukh, MS1

Digital Art

Overwhelmingly I’ve learned from our faculty that becoming a physician is equal
parts immersing yourself in the medical knowledge as it is with understanding and
honoring the community in which you treat. I created this piece as a homage to that
idea, which is an encapsulation of a map of Baltimore within the outline of a heart.

18 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Changes

Nicol Tugarinov, MS1

Digital Art

19White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

The Fabric of a White Coat
Megan McClure, MS1

The coat may appear white, but truthfully its fabric is vibrant in
color – rich in memories, in places, and most of all, in the people
who helped you reach this moment.

20 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Qualities of UMSOM
Anonymous
21White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Notes to my Pre-Med School Self…

Claire Macatee, MS1

You will now be the designated Save your notes from your Talk to people you’ve never
doctor friend. That also means your first patient encounter, met in our class. Everyone
home friends will believe any you’re never going to has as amazing story and
remotely medically related fact that forget her and the advice incredible path they took to
comes out of your mouth, be she gave to you. get here. @umsom
careful. admissions where do you
find these amazing people??
Rotate your meal prep! When people ask you what kind of
You’re going to be sick of doctor you want to be, I like to say Dr. Patel hates Sketchy
it by Tuesday night. the first thing that comes to my Micro, don’t let him tell you
mind. In reality, they just want to otherwise!!! (The answer is
Don’t forget what was relate you to their favorite Grey’s also never Acinetobacter
important to you before you Anatomy character. (Anyway, they baumannii…except when it
started med school. You can already ~know~ what kind of doc is).
always make time for things YOU should be) Yeah, I’m feeling
you care about. like a cardiologist today. Don’t forget that you are
where you dreamed you
Your Anki stats don’t define Just when you are feeling once would be. Don’t wish
you… but you should do your confident, radiology small this time away!
reviews every day so your group will be there to
heatmap looks cool. absolutely humble you every The GroupMe has fire
time. Have fun with it. memes, don’t mute it.

22 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Pumpkin Carving

Fernando Martinez Guasch, MS1

Carvers include: MS 1 students Reynier Hernandez, Fernando Martinez Guasch,
Danielle Sidelnikov, Alex Laurenson, Emilie Berman

23White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

A Different Holiday Break

Gurbani Singh, MS1

This holiday season was quieter than usual in my household. Because of the surge in covid cases and
the fact that my parents, who are both healthcare workers, were still going in to work every day, my
social interactions were limited, pretty much just to my immediate family. Don’t get me wrong, they are
my favorite people in the world. But, the usual chaotic desi holiday parties, high school friend group
meet ups, impromptu trips to new local restaurants trending on TikTok- everything I was so used to
jumping right back into when coming home for school breaks- weren’t happening all that much.
And, if I’m being honest with both you and myself, it wasn’t just because of the pandemic. Maybe it
was augmented by residual tiredness and sleep deprivation from BHD, but it felt significantly harder
to reach out to old ties, initiate plans, and actually follow through on making something happen. I felt
a little more disconnected and distant from many of my old relationships. Again, don’t get me wrong,
they are all amazing people. But, for the first time, it felt almost onerous to reach out.
I recognized these differences pretty soon into break and began to reflect on why I was experiencing
the sentiments that I was. Some of these reflections are what I will be sharing with all of you reading
today.
So, in order to do this, let’s rewind back to earlier this past year. I graduated college in May of 2021
surrounded by many of my best friends, the people I had spent almost every day with the past 4
years. I spent the summer of 2021 traveling with friends, visiting extended family, saying “yes” to any
spontaneous adventure I could, and really embracing the “hot girl summer” that research internships,
medical school applications, and other jobs had hindered me from doing during previous years. Then,
in August, I embarked on the next chapter of my life as I began medical school.
As we all know, Dr. Puche didn’t hold back in deep diving right into anatomy within our first week of
classes. Within the blink of an eye, we were immersed into the fast-paced lifestyle of medical school.
We were trying to figure out what worked for us and what didn’t- where to study, when to study, who
to study with, how to structure our days to fit everything we wanted in.
As I got more and more accustomed to school, I knew more and more that this was exactly where I was
supposed to be. But, at the same time, I also started to become more and more aware of the feeling of
loneliness and isolation that I was grappling with on a daily basis.
My classmates are genuinely some of the most amicable and caring individuals I have had the pleasure
of going to school with; but, the long hours of studying alone in my room, nagging stress to keep
up with the fast pace of the material, and constant sense of imposter syndrome culminated in an
undeniable sense of isolation.
I was also actively recognizing the distance that was gradually penetrating my non-med school
relationships. I could no longer make it to every birthday celebration, I could no longer actively stay on
top of every life update being sent in the group chat, I could no longer relate to their daily whereabouts
and routine activities.

24 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

And, at the same time, they also could not relate to much of how I spent most hours of my day or, even
if they wanted to, begin to understand the stressors and challenges that I was experiencing. I would
often check social media and it would be an instant reminder of how by myself I was.
I internalized a lot of self-doubt and intense emotions for a while. At first, I wasn’t sure how to deal
with it or who to talk to or if this was just how med school was supposed to be. At some point, I decided
to confide in a few classmates about what I was feeling and was surprised to hear that most people were
going through their own nuanced versions of very similar emotions. I read and heard more about the
experiences of others, did some own personal reflecting throughout the first few months of school, and
ultimately came to some realizations.
1. This crazy hodgepodge of emotions is understood by no one better than it is by my classmates.
Though everyone in my class matriculated in with their own distinctive past experiences, we are all
now riding in the same boat. We go through the same rigorous schedules, experience the same daily
stressors, collectively struggle with comprehending the enigma of anatomy lab on Zoom together. I
learned to take better advantage of this. I verbalized my internal feelings to my peers more, made more
of an effort to study at the library or a coffee shop in the presence of other classmates, and found people
that shared some of the same hobbies as I did.
2. I learned to appreciate spending time with myself.
We live in a society where social connectivity is the constant and staying at home on a Friday night or
during the holidays is frowned upon and earns you the label of “loner.” We’ve been wired to believe
that solitude, or being alone, is daunting. However, “being alone” is not the same as “being lonely.” Yes,
at times, I did genuinely feel lonely throughout the semester. But, more often than not, I just found
myself in a situation of being alone. So, I learned to embrace the solitude. I used that time to become
more self- aware of my own thoughts, really learned more about what I personally like and believe, and
understood how to better care for myself.
3. I accepted that it was okay for relationships to look and feel different.
It’s no secret to any of us that medical school is demanding. A majority of your day is dedicated to
academic commitments, you don’t have the same number of idle hours during your day to spend
socializing like you did in the past, and, at times, it can just feel outright draining. Thus, it is inevitable
that experiencing some level of disconnect from friends and family is going to occur. This was a big
source of frustration for me, until I was able to understand that the relationships I cared about could
still be maintained- they would just require some adjustments. I had to set realistic expectations for
communication, how much time I could invest in them, and what I should expect from the other
person. Even though this usually resulted in a more distant dynamic, I found that most of the time the
relationship was maintained just as fine and healthy.
So, just like that, with all of these realizations under my belt, I had successfully completed my first
semester of medical school and was headed back home for winter break.

25White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Pancake Brain Fuel
Anonymous, MS1

Med school: when breakfast becomes a study break

26 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Homemade Fried Chicken

TC, MS1

There’s no food I love more than fried chicken and when the nearest
Popeyes is miles away, sometimes you just have to make it yourself.
This way you treat yourself to something delicious after a long day of
work and can make enough to share with your friends!

27White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Golden Weekend Picnic

Ave Keefer, MS1

Acrylic paint

28 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Spreading Wellness, Sharing Cultures
Puja Patel, MS1
Shortly after the end of our
first medical school course,
I had a small gathering
with friends. I took some
time to go back to when I
enjoyed doing things that
I loved – applying henna
on others. I shared Indian
cuisine, including home-
cooked samosas and Indian
sweets. It was a great way
to celebrate the end of our
Foundations course and
recharge before the next
block.

Mehndi

29White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Beauty in the Finite

P. C. Kim, MS1
How does one comfort someone who has been diagnosed with a
terminal cancer? How does one mourn the loss of a close companion
you didn’t get to say goodbye to? How then, in the limited resources
of time and attention, do we know that the moment we have with
someone may be the last and therefore they should be aliquoted more
of each?
As difficult as it is, the pain of loss has an interesting way of bringing
about clarity in one’s mind. In the shock of a life cut short, we gain
the chance to reevaluate our priorities and remind ourselves of what
the goal of our life is. So often do we fall into the demands of work
and school and relationships that we lose sight of what we sought in
the first place. Why are you here? What do you wish to accomplish?
When you pass on, what do you want people to remember you for?
Though my friend deserved more time than she got, her passing
brings forth memories of deliciously made chocolate truffles, excited
discussions of genetic recombination, and raw conversations about
how much cancer sucks. The abyss of regrets and “what ifs” opens its
maw, ready to swallow you whole but the fact of the matter is, nothing
can be changed. Our past is to guide us as we live life, not looking
backwards but forward. I always believed life was too short, the
balance of time always seeming to tip towards “what I must do” rather
than “what I wish to do”. But I recently heard a counter-belief, that
maybe instead of life being too short, maybe it is just long enough.
The beauty of life lies in its finiteness. What will you choose to do
with your time?

30 White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

SCAN ME!

The Creative HeArts team invites you to visit
the online “bookcase” to view the

White Coat Reflections books from previous classes of
The University of Maryland School of Medicine.

31White Coat Reflections ◆ 2021

Copyright © 2022
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be used, reproduced, edited, stored, or transmitted in

any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher and authors of original works.
Published March 2022 ◆ Printed in Maryland, USA

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