walking dwarves

By Brian D. Taylor

© Copyright 2019, Brian D. Taylor

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PHOTOCOPYING, REPRODUCING, OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK

WITHOUT PERMISSION IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

On all programs, printing, and advertising, the following information must appear:
1. The full title: The Walking Dwarves
2. Writing credit: By Brian D. Taylor
3. Publication notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama
Service, Denver, Colorado”

THE WALKING DWARVES

By BRIAN D. TAYLOR

CAST OF CHARACTERS

(In Order of Speaking)

# of lines

QUEEN ...............................a vain queen; seems 111
confused about her true desires

MAGIC MIRROR ...................the queen’s reflection, but worse; 74
perhaps not a true reflection

SPOT..................................the queen’s humble and loyal 20
human servant; behaves like a dog

SPUNKY .............................a dwarf; full of energy 13

SCRUFFY ............................another; badly groomed 8

KOOKY ...............................another; the weird one 11

FANCY ................................another; stylish socialite 15

SURLY ................................another; abrupt and often rude 11

CLUMSY .............................another; a klutz 9

PAM ...................................just a normal, sensible dwarf, 11
trying to make her way in the world

CINDERELLA .......................orphaned child living with her 43
loving stepmother and stepsisters

BIRDS ................................two or more feathered friends on 7
Cinderella’s family farm; played as
puppets

COW...................................another animal farm friend; 7
played as a puppet

SHEEP................................also a puppet 7

PRUNELLA ..........................Cinderella’s adoring stepmother 23

MARCELLA..........................Cinderella’s loving stepsister 25

DRUCELLA ..........................the other loving stepsister 24

HANSEL..............................lost in ze voods, ja! 23

GRETEL ..............................und his sister too 22

SNOW WHITE ......................whip-smart princess with a 88
secret crush

GRANNY .............................slingshot-toting grandmother of 35
Little Red Riding Hood

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD....fearless little girl 15

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HUNTSMAN ........................loyal servant who loves 87
the princess
14
BACON ...............................made a house of straw 10
HAM...................................made a house of sticks 12
CHOPS ...............................made a house of bricks 38
BIG BAD WOLF ....................not so big and bad, really
FAIRY GODMOTHER .............too late to help 5
CANDY WITCH .....................excited about the ball 25
OLD MACDONALD................a somewhat unhinged farmer 16
PRINCE BRAWNY .................vain prince with lots of muscles
8

SETTING
Time: Once upon a time, on the day of a royal ball.
Place: A happy kingdom surrounded by thick forest.

SET DESCRIPTION
The primary backdrop is a fairytale forest. In other words, trees! Sets
for the various interior scenes of the castle and cottages within the
forest should be kept simple so the scene changes do not slow the
pace of the show.
The Queen’s castle requires just her throne. A section of stone wall
would serve as a nice backdrop for the castle interior and could also
be the reverse side of the set for Cinderella’s home. (See below.) In
ACT ONE, Scene One, the Queen’s castle also has a long table DOWN
LEFT with a cauldron and miscellaneous laboratory supplies.
The dwarves’ cottage has a table with a long bench on each side.
Cinderella’s home can be represented simply with a table, some chairs,
and a rug. An interior backdrop (the reverse side of Queen’s castle
backdrop) could include features like windows or a stone fireplace.
Granny’s house has a bed with sheets and blankets and could include
a nightstand or rocking chair.
Candy Witch’s house can be played on a bare stage in front of the
forest backdrop. In this case, Hansel and Gretel would indicate that
the house is offstage. For those who want to show the candy house,
all that’s needed is the exterior, which could be easily created with a
flat painted and adorned with candy.

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SYNOPSIS OF SCENES
ACT ONE

Scene One: The throne room of the queen’s castle.
Scene Two: The dwarves’ cottage.
Scene Three: Cinderella’s home.
Scene Four: The dwarves’ cottage.
Scene Five: In the forest.
Scene Six: The castle throne room.
Scene Seven: In the forest.
Scene Eight: The castle throne room.
Scene Nine: In the forest.
Scene Ten: Cinderella’s home.
Scene Eleven: In the forest.
Scene Twelve: Granny’s house.

ACT TWO
Scene One: Bare stage or in front of the curtain.
Scene Two: The castle throne room.
Scene Three: The candy witch’s house.
Scene Four: In the forest.
Scene Five: The castle throne room.

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THE WALKING DWARVES

ACT ONE
Scene One

1 AT RISE: The throne room of the queen’s castle. QUEEN sits on her
throne, looking at MAGIC MIRROR.
QUEEN: Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Tonight, I shall hold a ball,

5 And I desire to enthrall them all—
(Swoons.) Especially Prince Brawny! (Squeals.)
Anyway, who is the fairest of them all?

MIRROR: You ask the mirror, wise and shiny?
The fairest ones are all tiny.

10 QUEEN: Tiny? But I’m not tiny. Who says I’m tiny?
MIRROR: I wasn’t talking about you.
QUEEN: No? Then who?
MIRROR: The seven dwarves.
QUEEN: What? (Stomps, whines.) Seven?!

15 MIRROR: Yes, the dwarves up the hill and across the way. There are
seven of them, and all fairer than you.

QUEEN: But I’m supposed to be the fairest!
MIRROR: (Shrugs.) Hey, you asked. And I cannot tell a lie.
QUEEN: But I’m planning a ball for all the kingdom! Invitations have
20 already been sent! And I wish to be the belle of that ball! Prince

Brawny will be here, and I must be fairest if I am to win his heart.
MIRROR: Well, I am not an interpreter—only a seer. And I see that

those dwarves will be a problem. They must be dealt with.
QUEEN: And they are fairer than I?
25 MIRROR: Yes, as I see it, they are. And so, they must be dealt with.
QUEEN: Hmmm… Well, then it must be so. They must be dealt with!
MIRROR: Yes. You must kill them!
QUEEN: Kill them?
MIRROR: Or… I mean… you could not kill them and risk not being the
30 fairest of them all.
QUEEN: Oh! That will never do!
MIRROR: Then there is only one solution, My Queen.
QUEEN: Ugh! Fine! But can’t you do it?
MIRROR: I am only a mirror, My Queen. How am I to kill the
35 dwarves myself?

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1 QUEEN: Oh, very well. I’ll do it myself. (Brightens.) And I know just the
thing! (Laughs evilly.) Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

MIRROR: (Mimics QUEEN’S laugh.) Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
QUEEN: What?
5 MIRROR: Nothing.
QUEEN: Are you copying me, Mirror?
MIRROR: Well, that is what mirrors are meant to do, isn’t it?
QUEEN: (Studies MIRROR.) Very well. I’ll just have to take care of

those dwarves myself! And a poisoned apple—yes, a toxic apple!
10 That will do the trick! (Crosses to the table DOWN LEFT and puts on

a hazmat suit or goggles and a lab coat. [Ad-lib if needed for more
time]. Calls OFF.) Spot! Spot! Here boy! Come to Momma!
SPOT: (Runs ON. He is a human and dresses as such, save for the collar
he wears. He stands upright on two legs and can talk, but otherwise
15 behaves like a dog, yipping excitedly when called, and always very
eager to help. He is her faithful companion and servant. Perhaps
she has put some spell on him or perhaps he is just extremely
loyal, but theirs is a servant/master relationship.) Yip, yip! Hi, Mom!
What’s up, Mom? (Dances around QUEEN, possibly licks her face
20 or hand.)
QUEEN: (Pushes him away.) Calm down, boy! Get down! (SPOT
continues.) Sit! (SPOT does.) Stay! (SPOT does. She rewards him
with a little pat on his head.) Yes, that’s a good boy. Who’s a good
boy? (SPOT pants with tongue out, as happy as can be, mugging
25 for the AUDIENCE. He’s a good boy.) Listen, I’m concocting a toxic
apple, and I need your help.
SPOT: Yes, Mom!
QUEEN: That’s a good boy! Now, go and fetch me some nice red
apples. The juiciest apples you can find.
30 SPOT: Yip, yip!
QUEEN: And seven of them!
SPOT: Yip, yip!
MIRROR: (Calls out.) No!
QUEEN: What?
35 MIRROR: (Cautious.) Make it eight. You know… just in case.
QUEEN: (Shrugs.) Seems wise. (To SPOT.) You heard the mirror. Make
it eight apples!
SPOT: Yip, yip! Yes, Momma! (Races OFF.)
QUEEN: (Pours beakers into the cauldron.) A little bit of this… a little
40 bit of that… (SPOT ENTERS with a bag of apples in his mouth.) Ooh,
that’ll do nicely! Drop them in.

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1 SPOT: (Does so. Then, proudly.) Yip! Yip!
QUEEN: (Pats his head.) Yes, that’s a good boy. Now, Momma needs
one more thing.
SPOT: Anything for Momma! Yip! Yip!

5 QUEEN: Go and find a bar of plutonium! The most toxic one you
can find.

SPOT: Yip! Yip! (Races OFF.)
QUEEN: (Continues with her concoction.) A sprinkle of sugar for taste…

a dab of the tears of my enemies for good measure and… (Calls
10 OFF.) Spot! Where are you? (SPOT races ON with a glowing bar of

metal.) Ah, yes… my special ingredient! (Puts rubber gloves on and
uses the tongs to take the bar of plutonium from SPOT’S mouth.
Drops the bar into the cauldron.)
SPOT: Yip! Yip! What else? What else?
15 QUEEN: Oh, that’s quite enough. You’ve been a big help. (Pulls an
apple from the cauldron with the tongs.) And now we’ll see who’s
the fairest of them all at the ball… and who will live and who
will crawl. Mwa-ha-ha-ha! (Continues to laugh evilly as SPOT yips
excitedly and LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)

End of Scene One

ACT ONE
Scene Two

20 LIGHTS UP on the dwarves’ cottage. ALL DWARVES except SPUNKY
and CLUMSY sit around the table, waiting for their meal. SCRUFFY and
FANCY are seated next to one another.
SPUNKY: (Rushes ON with a letter in hand.) Hey, look, look, look! We
got a letter! We got a letter!

25 SCRUFFY: (Thoughtfully strokes his long beard.) A letter?
KOOKY: What’s a letter?
PAM: It’s a message from afar.
SPUNKY: (Elated.) We got a letter!
SCRUFFY: (Strokes his beard.) Hmmm… we haven’t received a letter

30 in ages.
FANCY: (Sad.) It’s true! No one ever sends us correspondence
anymore. (Sighs.)
SURLY: (Harsh.) What’s it say?
SPUNKY: (Shrugs.) I don’t know. I haven’t opened it yet.

35 SURLY: Well, open it up already, for crying out loud!

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1 SPUNKY: I just thought we should all be here for this. It’s addressed
to… (Reads.) …“the entire household.” So, that means all of
us, right?

SCRUFFY: (Strokes his beard.) Yes, that means everyone.
5 SPUNKY: But where’s Clumsy?

PAM: Oh, yeah. Clumsy should join us.
SURLY: (Yells OFF LEFT.) Clumsy! Get in here!
CLUMSY: (ENTERS LEFT from the kitchen, trips on a spot on the floor,

but keeps her feet. Looks at the spot, frustrated, then to OTHERS.)
10 What is it? I’m working on breakfast.

KOOKY: Spunky has a lemur.
PAM: Not a lemur, Kooky. A letter.
KOOKY: That’s what I said.
CLUMSY: A letter?
15 KOOKY: Now you’ve got it right! Spunky brought us a lobster.
SURLY: (Groans.) Clumsy’s here now. We’re all present. Open it up already!
SPUNKY: Okay, Surly, here goes… (Opens the letter and reads.) “You

are formally invited—”
FANCY: (Excited.) Oh, my goodness! It’s an invitation! What is it? What
20 is it?! A party? A dinner? A gala (pronounced gay-la)? (To herself.)

Or is it gala (pronounced gah-la)?
SURLY: Let him finish, Fancy! (To SPUNKY.) Go on!
SPUNKY: (Reads.) “You are formally invited… to a royal ball!”
FANCY: A royal ball? A royal ball?! (Feigns fainting into SCRUFFY’S arms.)
25 SCRUFFY: Hey, watch the beard! (Pushes her away.)
FANCY: Does it really say a ball? A royal ball?!
SPUNKY: Yes! A royal ball! To be held on the night of the harvest moon.
PAM: That’s tonight!
SPUNKY: And the entire kingdom is to attend! By the queen’s orders.
30 CLUMSY: Oh, my! There’s so much to do!
SURLY: Starting with breakfast. (Nods to the kitchen.)
CLUMSY: Right, right, right! (Races LEFT, trips over the same spot, does

a double take, and EXITS.)
FANCY: Clumsy’s right! There is much to do! I’ll need a new dress.
35 We’ll all need something to wear! Scruffy will have to do something

with that beard and hair.
SCRUFFY: (Strokes his beard.) What’s wrong with my beard?
FANCY: And we’ll have to brush Surly and Kooky up on their manners.
SURLY: (Offended.) I’ll show you some manners!

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1 KOOKY: What’s a matter?
PAM: You mean “what’s a manner?”
KOOKY: Nothing. What’s a manner with you? (DWARVES descend into
ad-lib discussing, arguing, planning, etc.)

5 FANCY: (Over the din, thrilled.) Oh, this is so exciting! A ball! A royal
ball! (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Two

ACT ONE
Scene Three

LIGHTS UP on Cinderella’s home, where CINDERELLA happily mops the
floor and sings.
CINDERELLA: (Calls OFF.) Tweet, tweet, tweet!
10 BIRDS: (Peek ON from the side of the stage and sing back. [See

PRODUCTION NOTES on BIRD, COW, and SHEEP puppets.]) Tweet,
tweet, tweet!
CINDERELLA: (Mops to the other side of the stage and sings OFF.) Moo,
moo, moo!
15 COW: (Peeks ON from the side and sings back.) Moo, moo, moo!
CINDERELLA: (Continues mopping the same side of the stage.) Baa,
baa, baa!
SHEEP: (Peeks ON and sings back.) Baa, baa, baa!
CINDERELLA: (Moves CENTER, mopping, and sings.) Tweet, tweet,
20 tweet! Moo, moo, moo! Baa, baa, baa!
BIRDS: (Pop back ON and sing back.) Tweet, tweet, tweet!
COW: (Does the same.) Moo, moo, moo!
SHEEP: (Same.) Baa, baa, baa! (PRUNELLA, MARCELLA, and DRUCELLA
ENTER excitedly.)
25 MARCELLA: Cinderella! Cinderella!
DRUCELLA: We have the most exciting news to share!
CINDERELLA: What is it? (PRUNELLA and STEPSISTERS look at one
another with gleeful anticipation.)
PRUNELLA: The queen has invited us all to a ball. At the castle! Tonight!
30 CINDERELLA: All of us?
MARCELLA: Yes! The entire kingdom!
DRUCELLA: Isn’t it exciting?!
CINDERELLA: (Dreamy.) A ball… A ball! Yes, it is so exciting! (ALL join
hands, bouncing and dancing in a circle.)
35 MARCELLA: It’s everything we’ve dreamed about!

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1 DRUCELLA: A ball at the castle! Dancing with royals!
MARCELLA: Rubbing elbows with princes and princesses!
PRUNELLA: Oh, yes! And, according to the invitation… Prince Brawny
will be there!

5 MARCELLA/DRUCELLA: (Swoon.) Prince Brawny?!
CINDERELLA: (Breaks away from the circle.) Oh, but we must prepare
at once! There’s so much to be done!
PRUNELLA: Cinderella’s right. There is much to do!
MARCELLA: What will we do with our hair?

10 DRUCELLA: What are we to wear?
PRUNELLA: That’s right. We can’t be seen as bumpkins. We must make
arrangements at once! Come on, girls, it’s time to hit the town!
CINDERELLA: But what about the farm? What about the cows and the
sheep and the birds and the bees?

15 MARCELLA: What about them?
CINDERELLA: Well, someone must be here to care for them!
DRUCELLA: Oh, they’re just animals! What do they care?
PRUNELLA: No, Cinderella is right. The farm needs to be cared for
and tended to. Marcella, you will have to stay behind and tend to

20 the house.
MARCELLA: (Whiny.) But, Mom! It’s been so long since I’ve had my
hair done.
PRUNELLA: Okay, fine. (To DRUCELLA.) Then you will stay.
DRUCELLA: (Whiny.) But, Mom! I want to try on all the fancy dresses!

25 CINDERELLA: You should go. I’ll stay and keep the farm. (ALL look at
her with surprise.) No, really, it’s fine.

MARCELLA: But, Cinderella, you really ought to come with us.
DRUCELLA: Yes, Cinderella, you should come, too! (To PRUNELLA.)

Why can’t we all go?
30 PRUNELLA: Because the farm must be tended to! (ANIMALS pop ON

again and sing as before.)
BIRDS: Tweet, tweet, tweet!
COW: Moo, moo, moo!
SHEEP: Baa, baa, baa! (ANIMALS dart OFF.)
35 PRUNELLA: See?
CINDERELLA: It’s fine, really. I’ll stay. You go. It will be fun! Besides, I

like being here with the birds and the cows and the sheep.
STEPSISTERS: Really?
CINDERELLA: Yes! But, hey, find something for me? You know my size.

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1 MARCELLA: We will and we do!
DRUCELLA: We’ll find something just perfect for you!
STEPSISTERS: Thank you, Cinderella. (STEPSISTERS race OFF.)
PRUNELLA: You’re just the best, my child. That’s why we all love you

5 so much! (Pinches CINDERELLA’S cheek.) Now, don’t work too
hard. You have a ball to attend tonight, and you must have all your
energy for the dancing you’ll be doing. Understood?

CINDERELLA: (Smiles.) Yes, Mother. (PRUNELLA pinches her cheek
and EXITS. [For fun and if time allows, you could add in more of

10 CINDERELLA singing with the animals here.] LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.)
End of Scene Three

ACT ONE
Scene Four

LIGHTS UP on the dwarves’ cottage. DWARVES are lined up and
listening to FANCY, who gives them lessons in etiquette.
FANCY: Gentle-dwarves, when asking for a dance, you will bow, like

this. (Demonstrates. Male DWARVES mimic her awkwardly.) And lady
15 dwarves accept a dance with a curtsey, like this. (Demonstrates.

Female DWARVES awkwardly mimic her.)
KOOKY: (Holds an awkward position.) Is this right?
FANCY: (Rushes to KOOKY.) No, no, no! Like this! (Demonstrates again,

KOOKY tries, but ends up in an even stranger stance.)
20 SURLY: This is dumb!

FANCY: Ugh! Come on! We can do this. This is a royal ball! We’ll be
in the company of princes and princesses, kings and queens! We
must exhibit grace and poise! (SOUND EFFECT: KITCHEN TIMER.)

CLUMSY: Oh, that’ll be breakfast! Have a seat, everyone! (ALL
25 DWARVES except FANCY seat themselves at the table. CLUMSY

crosses LEFT to leave, but stumbles on that same spot again.)
FANCY: (Grabs a pair of high heels and passes them to CLUMSY.) Here,

darling. You should practice in these.
CLUMSY: (Takes the heels and looks them over.) You’re kidding, right?
30 FANCY: Not at all, love. You need all the practice you can get. (CLUMSY

rushes OFF LEFT. A KNOCK is heard from OFF RIGHT.)
PAM: Now, who could that be? (Starts OFF RIGHT.)
SPUNKY: Ooh! No, I’ll get it! (Races past PAM OFF RIGHT. From OFF

RIGHT.) Come in! Come in! Come in!
35 QUEEN: (Follows SPUNKY ON. QUEEN is in disguise as an old crone,

hunched over and wearing a hood, carrying a bag of apples.) Hello
there. I’m sorry to trouble you so early in the morning.

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1 SCRUFFY: Who is it?
QUEEN: Just a feeble old merchant woman.
KOOKY: Ooh! I just love muggers! Did you know I was mugged once
in a back alley?

5 SCRUFFY: Really, Kooky?
KOOKY: Yeah. A gang of trolls! They came right up and hugged me.
Never saw that one coming!
PAM: (To QUEEN.) Ignore him. Are you selling something?
QUEEN: I am.

10 SPUNKY: Ooh! I hope it’s something fun! Like a trombone… or a
dragon… or a dandelion!

PAM: (Looks at SPUNKY, oddly.) Really? You go from dragon to dandelion?
SPUNKY: Yes! They’re just so much fun with all their little umbrella

thingies that float on the wind when you blow on them. (Mimes
15 blowing on a dandelion and watching the seeds float away. Smiles.

To QUEEN, unable to contain the excitement.) That’s it, isn’t it?
You’re selling dandelions!
QUEEN: No, sorry. I’m selling apples.
PAM: I’m very sorry, madam, but we are just about to have our
20 breakfast. We don’t really have much need for apples today.
QUEEN: Oh, that’s too bad. I suppose I should be moving on down the
road then. (Turns to EXIT, but looks back with sad eyes, playing the
sympathy card.) I’m just a poor old woman with so many apples to
sell, and no one who will buy them…
25 CLUMSY: (ENTERS LEFT carrying a breakfast tray and now wearing the
high heels from FANCY. She walks very deliberately.) Breakfast…
is… serv— (Trips over the same spot, spilling breakfast dishes
everywhere. [NOTE: For easy cleanup, use solid fake foods and
empty plastic plates and bowls.])
30 PAM: (See this, then to QUEEN.) So… scratch that. Turns out we’re in
the market for apples after all!
QUEEN: What good news! Here, come! Sit! Sit! Eat! Eat! (DWARVES
all sit at the table as QUEEN passes out one apple to each DWARF.
DWARVES begin to eat.)
35 FANCY: My! These apples sure taste… um… well… (Dies abruptly.)
KOOKY: (Makes silly faces with almost every word.) Yeah! My lips and
eyes and face… feel all… tingly and… (Dies.)
SURLY: (Realizing what has happened, stands, ready to fight.) Hey!
What’s in these? (Dies.)
40 QUEEN: (Watches as OTHER DWARVES die one by one, then laughs
wickedly as she rises to an upright posture and removes her hood.)

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1 Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Just as I planned! The seven dwarves are dead! And
now I shall be the fairest of all at the ball! (Laughs again as she
EXITS RIGHT. Beat. LIGHTS begin to FADE to BLACK, but before FULL
BLACKOUT, KOOKY’S arm begins to reanimate and rise into the air.

5 LIGHTS UP FULL. KOOKY’S arm falls again. Beat. LIGHTS begin to
FADE to BLACK again until FANCY’S leg reanimates and goes into
the air. LIGHTS UP FULL, but then FANCY’S leg falls back to the floor.
Beat. LIGHTS begin to FADE to BLACK once more, but suddenly
LIGHTS UP FULL as ALL DWARVES begin to slowly reanimate, legs,

10 arms, heads rising and stirring. DWARVES slowly rise to their feet,
now as zombies! DWARVES slowly move OFF, groaning like zombies,
as LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Four

ACT ONE
Scene Five

LIGHTS UP on the forest. HANSEL and GRETEL ENTER LEFT,
dropping breadcrumbs.
15 GRETEL: Oh, Hansel! Are you sure zis plan of yours is going to vork?
HANSEL: Ja! Of course it vill vork, sis!
GRETEL: I just vish fazzer or mozzer vere here vith us. I’m afraid ve’re

going to get lost in zese voods.
HANSEL: Don’t vorry about zat. Zat’s ze brilliance of my plan. See,
20 Gretel? If ve get lost, ve’ll just follow ze breadcrumbs home! Ja?
GRETEL: Ja. But what if ze birds eat ze breadcrumbs? Huh? Huh?
HANSEL: Oh. (Beat.) I hadn’t zought of zat.
GRETEL: I told you ve should never ever be going into ze voods vithout

fazzer und mozzer!
25 HANSEL: Vell, maybe ze birds von’t eat ze breadcrumbs on our trail

und ve’ll be fine! (BIRDS peek IN LEFT and gobble up breadcrumbs.
HANSEL and GRETEL watch, defeated.)
GRETEL: You didn’t really sink zis zrough, did you, brudder?
HANSEL: Nein. I didn’t. (Panics.) Oh, no! (BIRDS fly OFF.) Ve’re lost!
30 Ve’re lost! Vat ever shall ve do?!
GRETEL: (Grabs HANSEL.) Vhoa! Vhoa! Hey! Breaze, brudder, breaze!
(HANSEL calms down.) Ve still have hope! It’s still ze morning und
zere’s plenty of daylight—ve’ll just head back ze vay from vich ve
vere coming und maybe zere vill still be enough of ze breadcrumbs
35 left behind to be finding our vay home.
HANSEL: Ja! Ja! Ve’ll just head back ze vay ve came. Und ve haven’t
travelled too many of ze miles just yet. Say, I zink I even recognize
zat tree branch ofer zere! (Points LEFT.)

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1 GRETEL: Zer gut, now let’s go! Ve don’t want to be caught out here
after ze sun is set. (They EXIT LEFT. Beat.)

DWARVES: (Groan like zombies from OFF LEFT.) Muhhh… Grrr… Blehhh…
HANSEL: (Races ON LEFT with GRETEL, looking back over their
5 shoulders.) Vat vas zat?
GRETEL: I don’t know, brudder. (DWARVES groan from OFF LEFT.)
HANSEL: Come, Gretel. Let’s be getting out of here! (They EXIT RIGHT.

DWARVES ENTER LEFT and zombie walk across the stage, groaning.
[See PRODUCTION NOTES.] DWARVES EXIT RIGHT as LIGHTS FADE
10 to BLACK.)

End of Scene Five

ACT ONE
Scene Six

LIGHTS UP on the castle’s throne room as QUEEN approaches MIRROR.
QUEEN: Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Tonight, I shall hold a ball,
And I desire, most of all, to enthrall that spicy, royal meatball—
15 (Swoons.) Prince Brawny.
So, who is the fairest of them all?
MIRROR: You ask the mirror, wise and true?
There remains one who is fairer than you.
QUEEN: Seriously? Another dwarf?! Did I miss one?
20 MIRROR: No.
QUEEN: Then who?
MIRROR: Your lovely stepdaughter, Snow White.
QUEEN: Really?
MIRROR: Really.
25 QUEEN: Come on! She’s lovely, but not that lovely.
MIRROR: Oh, but she is.
QUEEN: Indeed, she is. But… fairer than I?
MIRROR: Indeed.
QUEEN: Are you sure?
30 MIRROR: I can only tell you what I see, My Queen. And I see her as a
potential problem. Don’t you want Prince Brawny all for yourself?
QUEEN: Yes.
MIRROR: And what if Snow White gets in the way of that?
QUEEN: Would she?
35 MIRROR: She might. It’s very well possible.

10

For Preview OnlyRIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT

1 QUEEN: Ugh! Well, that will be a problem. I’ve grown quite fond of
her after her father passed and left her to me. It’s quite pleasant
to have another woman around the castle. Still… I can’t have her
being fairer than I. Oh, what to do, what to do?

5 MIRROR: Why, there is only one thing to do, of course. Kill her!
QUEEN: Kill her?! But if I do that, then who will I watch The
Bachelor with?
MIRROR: Oh, for Pete’s sake! I will watch The Bachelor with you.
QUEEN: You’ll just make fun of it.

10 MIRROR: I promise I will not. (Beat.) You know there is only one way,
My Queen. That is why I suggested the extra poisoned apple.

QUEEN: Wait, you knew? You saw this all along?
MIRROR: Like I said… just in case. (Beat.) Or… you could always

change your mind and let someone else be the fairest of them all
15 for your spicy prince meatball.

QUEEN: No, that will never do! I must be the fairest of them all!
(Laughs evilly.) Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

MIRROR: Then, yes, that’s right. You’ll have to kill her. (Laughs
evilly.) Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

20 QUEEN: What was that?
MIRROR: (Nervous.) Oh, nothing.
QUEEN: Why are you laughing like me?
MIRROR: Well, I am your mirror. I just thought we were having one of
our special moments together.

25 QUEEN: Don’t be weird, Mirror. And know your place!
MIRROR: Of course, My Queen.
QUEEN: (Fierce.) Though you are a reflection of me, you are not
me. Understood?
MIRROR: Yes, My Queen. Understood.

30 QUEEN: Good. (Laughs evilly and soon MIRROR joins her again. Both
are sharing the moment when SNOW WHITE ENTERS carrying
two dresses.)

SNOW WHITE: Hey. (QUEEN and MIRROR immediately go silent and try
to act casual, like they weren’t just laughing maniacally.) What’s up?

35 QUEEN: (Awkward.) Oh, hey, Snow. What’s up?
SNOW WHITE: (Looks at them, suspicious.) I asked you first. What’s
so funny?
MIRROR: (Covering.) Oh… um… the queen just made a funny joke.
SNOW WHITE: Oh, yeah? I love jokes! Tell it to me!

11

For Preview Only

1 QUEEN: (Startled.) Oh. Sure… uh… how did it go again? Um… okay,
so… there’s a farmer and a miller… and a blacksmith…

SNOW WHITE: Okay, go on.
QUEEN: And… they walk into an inn.
5 SNOW WHITE: What happens next?
MIRROR: (Tries to help.) And then the innkeeper says…
SNOW WHITE: What? What did the innkeeper say?
QUEEN: The innkeeper says… the innkeeper says… (Has an idea

and delivers it like a punchline.) …“Welcome in!” (Beat.) Get it?
10 “Welcome in?” Into the inn, see? It’s funny, right? (SNOW WHITE is

unimpressed. QUEEN looks at MIRROR, nervous. MIRROR bursts into
laughter. QUEEN follows MIRROR’S lead and laughs conspicuously.)
SNOW WHITE: (Confused.) Maybe I just don’t get it.
QUEEN: (Sour.) Oh, of course you wouldn’t. But, hey, are you hungry?
15 SNOW WHITE: No, thanks, I’m still full from breakfast.
QUEEN: Are you sure? (Calls OFF.) Spot! Fetch me my special apple!
SNOW WHITE: That’s not necessary. I’m really not hungry.
QUEEN: Oh, but you look peckish, dear.
SPOT: (ENTERS with an apple in his mouth.) Yip yip!
20 QUEEN: There’s a good boy! (Takes the apple.)
MIRROR: The queen’s apples are just the best!
SNOW WHITE: (Grows wary.) Yeah… you know, I’m not so fond of apples.
QUEEN: No? But why?
SNOW WHITE: Well, apart from the fact that this one has dog germs
25 on it—
SPOT: Grrr!
QUEEN: Easy, boy.
SNOW WHITE: I’ve also heard it is said that princesses should never
eat apples.
30 MIRROR: Is that so?
SNOW WHITE: Yes, it is. Apples are always poisoned in those old fairy
tales. Anyways, I was wondering what I should wear to the ball
tonight. Of course, I wouldn’t want to upstage you, Stepmother.
QUEEN: Oh, you wouldn’t?
35 SNOW WHITE: No, of course not! After all, this is your night, your
big and fancy ball! And I just know that Prince Brawny is sure to
give you his rose. It’ll be just like The Bachelor! (Holds up the two
dresses and looks at MIRROR.) Anyways, I was thinking of one of
these. What do you think, Mirror?

12

For Preview Only

1 MIRROR: Um… well… I am not your mirror. I am the queen’s mirror,
so I am not a reflection of you.

SNOW WHITE: I know that! I’m just asking your opinion. What do
you think?

5 MIRROR: Oh, they are both lovely. And either one will be just as fair.
SNOW WHITE: Are you sure?
MIRROR: Yes, quite certain.
SNOW WHITE: Spot? (Models each dress for SPOT.)
SPOT: (Shrugs.) Ruh-roh?

10 SNOW WHITE: What do you think, Stepmother?
QUEEN: Are you sure you don’t want this lovely, juicy, succulent apple?
SNOW WHITE: (Annoyed but clueless.) Yes, I’m sure! But what do you
think of the dresses?
QUEEN: (Bursts.) I don’t care about the dresses!

15 SNOW WHITE: (Startled.) Oh. Okay. I guess I’ll just go with which one
I think will work best.

QUEEN: Oh, now, that’s not what I meant.
SNOW WHITE: So… you do care about the dresses?
QUEEN: Of course I do. You should go with the blue one, dearie!
20 SNOW WHITE: (Delighted.) Really? Oh, thank you! That’s the one I was

leaning toward! (Races OFF.)
QUEEN: Oh, what am I to do now?
MIRROR: She won’t eat your apples, so there is only one thing you

can do.
25 QUEEN: And what is that?

MIRROR: (Darkly.) You must summon… the huntsman.
QUEEN: (Brightens.) Oh, yes. Of course! The huntsman! (Laughs evilly.

MIRROR laughs evilly with her. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.)
End of Scene Six

ACT ONE
Scene Seven

LIGHTS UP on the forest as GRANNY ENTERS with a slingshot. She’s
30 hunting rabbits for supper.

GRANNY: Here, little bunny. Here, little bunny, bunny… Granny needs
supper tonight! Where did you go, little bunny? (Looks OFF.) Oh,
there you are! (Shoots.) Darn it! Just missed him!

MARCELLA: (From OFF.) I’m thinking a yellow dress. (GRANNY rushes
35 to hide behind a bush or tree and listen in. She is unnoticed by

OTHERS throughout the remainder of the scene, but pops out to

13

End of Script Sample

PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIES ONSTAGE
The castle throne room: throne, optional stone wall backdrop.
The dwarves’ cottage: Wooden table, two benches.
Cinderella’s home: Table, two chairs, rug, optional interior backdrop.
Granny’s house: Bed, blanket, optional nightstand and/or rocking chair.

ACT ONE
Scene One: Throne room set, long table, large cauldron, beakers,

tongs, goggles, lab coat or hazmat suit, rubber gloves.
Scene Two: Dwarves’ cottage set.
Scene Three: Cinderella’s home set.
Scene Four: Dwarves’ cottage set, pair of high heels.
Scene Six: Throne room set.
Scene Seven: Tree or shrub.
Scene Eight: Throne room set.
Scene Nine: Patch of flowers.
Scene Ten: Cinderella’s home set, broom.
Scene Twelve: Granny’s house set.

ACT TWO
Scene Two: Throne room set.
Scene Three: Optional painted and candy-adorned flat.
Scene Four: Stick.
Scene Five: Throne room set, table with refreshments.

PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON

ACT ONE
Scene One

Bag of apples, bar of metal painted to look like it’s glowing (SPOT)
Scene Two

Letter (SPUNKY)
Scene Three

Mop, mop bucket (CINDERELLA)

40

Scene Four
Breakfast tray with plates and bowls of food, high heels (CLUMSY)
Old crone disguise, bag of apples (QUEEN)

Scene Six
Blue dress on hanger, another dress on hanger (SNOW WHITE)
Apple (SPOT)

Scene Seven
Slingshot (GRANNY)
Basket (LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD)

Scene Nine
Basket (LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD)

Scene Ten
Bucket containing carrot (CINDERELLA)

Scene Twelve
Flowers (BIG BAD WOLF)
Slingshot (GRANNY)

ACT TWO
Scene One

Red dress on hanger, another dress on hanger (QUEEN)
Slingshot (GRANNY)
Scene Two
Leash (SPOT)
Scene Three
Pitchfork (OLD MACDONALD)
Scene Four
Large stick (CINDERELLA)
Pitchfork (OLD MACDONALD)
Slingshot (GRANNY)
Leash (SPOT)
Scene Five:
Stick (CINDERELLA)
Slingshot (GRANNY)
Basket (LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD)

SOUND EFFECTS
Kitchen timer, wolf howl, stick breaking, fanfare, heavenly choir,
record scratch.

41

COSTUMES
Most costumes are costumes of the period or what is expected of the
fairy tale characters. For instance, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD wears a
red cape. The THREE LITTLE PIGS and BIG BAD WOLF [and other animal
characters if not using puppets] wear makeup or simple distinguishing
pieces, such as snouts, ears, or tails, to suggest their animal breed.

Specific costuming needs are listed below:
MAGIC MIRROR dresses as a royal servant and holds a picture frame

in front of his/her face.
SPOT wears royal servant clothes and a collar to which a leash can be

attached.
FANCY wears a ball gown, sequined dwarf cap, and high heels.
SCRUFFY is badly groomed and has a long, bushy beard and long,

unkempt hair.
HUNTSMAN is dressed in green and wears a sword in a sheaf. He

carries a bow and quiver of arrows.
CANDY WITCH wears a ball gown adorned with candy.

ZOMBIE MAKEUP
Once a character becomes a zombie, as the show goes on, offstage
makeup can be added to make them appear more and more zombie-
like. Some simple and quick makeup additions include bags or dark
circles around the eyes, a pale white or sickly green foundation added
to the cheeks and forehead, and perhaps a little stage blood dripping
from a corner of the mouth or from the nose or ears. In addition, you
can use an eyeliner pencil to add the look of simple scars or cuts.
If more advanced makeup can be done quickly in breaks between
scenes, feel free to do so.
An easy way to change the puppet characters (BIRD, COW, SHEEP)
into zombies is to costume the puppeteers as zombies instead of the
puppets themselves. Only the puppets, not the puppeteers, need to
appear onstage until after they become zombies, having the puppets
peek IN from the sides of the stage as suggested in the script. Once
they become zombies, the puppeteers, fully made up in zombie makeup
and torn, dark clothing, can take the stage with their puppets.
As characters (and puppeteers) become zombies, they should move
and act like zombies, but still continue to stay in character. For instance,
DWARVES like FANCY, CLUMSY, and KOOKY remain fancy, clumsy, and
kooky, while SURLY, SPUNKY, and SCRUFFY become more pronounced
in their behaviors. PAM remains the quickest, most capable, and

42
RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT

resourceful—as far as zombies go. Have fun with this and explore
your options!
In the final scene, when the zombie spell may or may not be broken,
note that they are staged to ENTER DOWNSTAGE with their backs to
the AUDIENCE and advance UPSTAGE on the non-zombie characters.
This is also meant for an easy transition. Any zombie makeup that
has been added over the course of the show can be removed before
this scene if you’re doing the first ending. When the spell is broken,
the ZOMBIE CHARACTERS can merely turn to face the AUDIENCE at
this point, revealing their transition back to human, dwarf, or whatever
fairytale form they started out as.

PUPPETS
As noted above and in the script, Cinderella’s birds, cow, and sheep
are ideally played as puppets, by puppeteers dressed in all black and
in zombie makeup for when they become zombies. The birds can be
done with a string on a pole, with a bunch of birds that “fly” in, or
can be done with hand puppets depicting birds. The cow and sheep
puppets are imagined as hand puppets, but can be any style of puppet
that works best for your production.
Alternatively, these parts can be played by actors instead of puppets,
and there can be as many as desired.

FLEXIBLE CASTING NOTE
Casting is flexible and many roles can be played by either gender with
just a few simple pronoun changes.
Some roles suggest gender, but still can be played differently for
extra laughs.

43

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