2020-12-01 Runner's World

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your mileage over the course of seven days WHY CAN’T I RUN FASTER?
(that’s a one-way ticket to shin splints)—it
just means you should pay attention to Moments of improvement feel amazing, but they can also be fleeting. There are
how you’re feeling and adjust your mileage times when running feels impossibly hard. Here, experts explain the science behind
accordingly. “The best rule of thumb is to what might be slowing you down and how to beat these common roadblocks.
use common sense and listen to your body,”
Grosicki says. “Most hard training sessions “I CAN’T CATCH MY BREATH!”
should be followed by at least one—and
probably two—easier recovery days.” WHAT MIGHT CAUSE THIS HOW TO FIX IT / Perform a proper warmup that will help prime
your body and muscles for exercise. We recommend including a
Some signs that you need a rest day? Oxygen deficit to sustained burst of intense running in your warmup—like running
“Besides any obvious aches and pains, your muscles 45 to 60 seconds at 5K race pace, for example—about 10
feeling like you’re getting sick, irritability, minutes prior to the beginning of a workout or race. This priming
loss of appetite, and poor sleep all signal WHEN IT CAN HAPPEN run will activate enzymes and dilate blood vessels, allowing you
that you’re overdoing it,” Grosicki says. to more quickly adjust to your desired pace.
Shortly after starting
3 / Add speed to your long runs a run
Weekly speedwork is helpful (see below),
but it doesn’t exactly replicate a real-life “I’M TRAINING HARD, BUT I’M NOT SPEEDING UP!”
race. “I’m a big proponent of throwing
speedwork into long runs to prepare WHAT MIGHT CAUSE THIS HOW TO FIX IT / Train your fast-twitch fibers—usually
your body to push through the inevita- deployed for explosive movements—to be more efficient
ble fatigue you’ll experience in a race,” Recruitment of inefficient with high-intensity interval training. Research shows longer
Grosicki says. Try picking up the pace for muscle fibers intervals—for example, running one to two minutes at a very
the last minute of every mile. hard intensity followed by two to four minutes of recovery
WHEN IT CAN HAPPEN repeated six times—can improve your mitochondrial function,
4 / Do separate speed workouts—but making fast-twitch fibers more efficient for sustained efforts.
don’t stress over them Sustained, medium-effort
Grosicki suggests an easy-to-remember runs/races like a 10K or half
speed workout that builds on itself every
week, like four half-mile repeats with “MY LEGS FEEL LIKE THEY ARE ON FIRE!”
two minutes of easy jogging or walking
in between. “Do the same workout the WHAT MIGHT CAUSE THIS HOW TO FIX IT / Short, fast intervals. Turns out, regardless of
following week and try to beat your time.” what it feels like, your muscles aren’t being dissolved by lactic
If you beat your record without a problem, Metabolite accumulation acid alone. It’s only when special receptors in your leg muscles
add another half-mile interval or extend in your muscles triggers detect a particular combination of metabolites that they trigger
the distance. signals to your brain a distress signal, which your brain interprets as a burning
sensation. Train the receptors to be a little less sensitive by
On the flip side, if speedwork feels mis- WHEN IT CAN HAPPEN repeatedly triggering with intervals. One option: Try 10 x 400s at
erable right now, focus on your endurance mile pace with a proper warmup and cooldown.
for a bit. “Running for 20 consecutive Mile or 5K races, fast
minutes can be daunting when you’re a surges, or finishing sprints
beginner,” Grosicki says. And that’s okay—
you’re still progressing every time you hit “I CAN HARDLY LIF T MY LEGS!”
the pavement. “Build an ‘endurance base,’
then slowly add in some simple speed WHAT MIGHT CAUSE THIS HOW TO FIX IT / Prudent pacing. In this case, the fatigue produced
intervals from there.” by metabolites isn’t “all in your head”—instead, you experience
Metabolite accumulation a mix of “central” (in the brain) and “peripheral” (in the muscles)
Because really, the best way to boost hinders contraction in the fatigue during hard runs. Push too hard at the start of a race,
your speed and endurance is to make muscles and you’ll discover just how real those limits are. Practice pacing
running fun—not miserable—so you keep yourself during long runs in your training and mastering the art of
at it, one step at a time. WHEN IT CAN HAPPEN holding back when you feel good so you can finish strong.

30 RUNNERSWORLD.COM Near the end of hard races

“IT JUST HURTS TOO MUCH. I GIVE UP!”

WHAT CAUSES THIS HOW TO FIX IT / Train your brain. What matters here is effort:
the struggle to continue against a mounting desire to stop. We
Effort overload spend most of our time training our bodies to be stronger and
more efficient, but altering your subjective sense of effort is
WHEN CAN IT HAPPEN another way to run faster. Studies show techniques such as
subliminal messages (smiling when it feels hard) and motivational
Anytime you’re pushing self-talk (I got this!) successfully alter effort and endurance.
your limits

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How We Can School in Virginia, when I decided to stop It’s an inspiring place to be a runner, no
Break Down
Barriers playing soccer and focus on cross coun- matter who you are. I cross paths with
for Black
Runners try and track. Many of my friends were Olympians on my Saturday runs through

I’m 24 years old—only a year already on the cross-country team, so I the trails by Nike headquarters.
younger than Ahmaud Arbery was
on the day he was pursued and killed was quick to take to running and eager to When I consider my past and present
while out jogging this past February
in Satilla Shores, Georgia. My skin is the join the competition. It never discouraged with the sport, conditions have always
same tone as his, and I’ve run thousands
of miles through suburbs in the decade me that out of about 70 kids on the team, I been suitable for me to fall in love with
that I’ve been a runner. Coincidentally,
my sister even knows one of Ahmaud’s was the only Black kid. In fact, I couldn’t distance running, so representation never
best friends.
In recent months, I’ve been lamenting have asked for a better experience. Some affected whether I participated. But that’s
and grappling with why the broader
African American community has often of my fondest high school memories my story. It’s easy to imagine how someone
struggled to embrace distance running
and has not been able to reap the same include the victories I shared might be discouraged if they
benefits the sport has brought me. It
comes down to opportunity. with my peers, including Vir- don’t see anyone in the sport
My introduction to running came after
my sophomore year at Chantilly High ginia’s cross-country state with whom they can identify.

championships in 2012 and American running culture

the 4x800-meter relay state IT COULD found its foothold in white,
championships in 2013. I BE AS middle-, and upper-middle class
remain in touch with those suburbs like the ones I’ve lived in.
teammates, and in the years SIMPLE AS Running thrives in these com-
since high school I’ve spent AT T E N D I N G munities, many think, because
thousands of hours playing MEETINGS, neighborhoods are safe enough

volleyball and board games INVESTING to facilitate a good jogging envi-

with them. IN GROUP ronment and because people live
When I arrived at Colum- GROWTH, OR close enough such that running
BECOMING A clubs and community races can
bia University in 2013, I was SUPPORTIVE be easily organized and draw
nervous about walking onto large numbers. And that easy
an elite college track team, VOICE FOR access to groups and other run-
but again, my concerns were

abated and my expectations P R O G R E S S . ners can snowball into greater

for community exceeded. participation. I’d say around half

Four years later, I have lifelong memories, of the runners I’m friends with have told

friendships, and healthy habits because of me they run at least in part because some-

the challenging and enriching experience one in their family is/was a runner.

I had as a collegiate runner. It’s time we grow that effect beyond

Today, I live in the suburbs of Portland, mostly white neighborhoods. We can

Oregon, where I volunteer part-time as start expanding distance running ’s

a youth track coach. My fellow coaches accessibility to groups of people who

and I serve hundreds of young athletes. haven’t historically been involved, with

FROM CREDENTIALS FAVORITE WHY I RUN GO-TO SHOES BEST RUN RUNNING
C H A N T I L LY, NIKE BOWERMAN PIECE OF RUNNING ASICS EVER PHILOSOPHY
VIRGINIA ALLOWS ME IF THE RUN IS
TRACK CLUB GEAR KAYANO 26 A PERFECT SUPPOSED TO BE
AUTHOR YOUTH COACH; NEW BALANCE TO MAINTAIN SOLO 12-MILE EASY, LET IT BE
FORMER RUNNER DISCIPLINE, FAVORITE SUNDAY RUN EASY. YOU’LL PER-
JOHANAN SOWAH FOR COLUMBIA RUNNING RUN FORM BETTER ON
UNIVERSITY TIGHTS THAT BUILD SNACK ON A FALL THE HARD DAYS.
ZIP UP AT THE C OMMUN I T Y, CASHEWS! MORNING IN
AND HAVE FUN. CENTRAL PARK
ANKLES

32 RUNNERSWORLD.COM PHOTOGRAPHY BY GRITCHELLE FALLESGON

three simple steps. It won’t solve every- when going out for runs, guidance in a Sowah runs resume post-Covid-19). They don’t have to
thing immediately, but these are steps any challenging sport, and most importantly, through toe the line alongside you at the start of
runner—in any location—can take. external motivation to continue. For Portland’s your next 5K or half marathon; it could
me, having a welcoming group to run Forest Park. mean volunteering at the water station,
Expand your running circle with when I started in high school was making posters and cheering, or just
Ask acquaintances outside your usual instrumental in keeping me interested helping people take pictures in their
running group to join you. Simple enough. in the sport. race T-shirts. This is a broad community
People are more likely to take to the sport with lots of ways to participate outside
if they know they’re not starting alone. Get people to events of running races and competing for time.
Then, take your expanded circle to com-
Beginning this journey with others munity races and events (whenever those I lived in New York until a couple years
carries significant advantages: security ago, and I knew quite a few people in
the New York Road Runners (NYRR).
Its youth program promotes fitness for
underserved and minority children from
New York City public schools. Often at
large NYRR events like the Millrose
Games or the 5th Avenue Mile, there are
special race divisions where these young
athletes compete against others in their
age group. It’s always a pleasant sight. It’s
through these sorts of events that children
can start to develop a healthy interest in
running from a young age.

Build your community
It’s vital we push community running
organizations to encourage local partici-
pation. Make sure the people in charge of
organizing local running events—some-
thing as basic as the Thanksgiving turkey
trot or an ordinary group run—think
about whether community outreach has
been effective and how it can be made
more so. And make sure you’re individ-
ually involved, too: It could be as simple
as attending organizational meetings,
being invested in helping with group
growth where it’s needed, or becoming
a supportive voice for forward progress.

And if we as runners can keep on being
a positive force in these realms, we move
the needle toward a fuller inclusion in
the sport.

As somebody who coaches young ath-
letes and has been quite involved in this
broad running community for a while,
I can see the tide of distance running
shifting toward attracting more interest
all across the board, and that can only be
a good thing.

RUNNERSWORLD.COM 33

AUTHOR

AMANDA
M ACM I L L A N
STROMOSKI

FROM CREDENTIALS
KINGSTON, FREELANCE WRITER, TRIATHLETE,
NEW YORK
AND HALF-MARATHONER

FAVORITE RUN FUEL
BAGEL WITH PEANUT
BUTTER AND BANANA

CURRENT RUNNING MANTRA
RUNNING SHOE DON’T STOP;
BROOKS RICOCHET DON’T FALL.

GO-TO POSTRUN MEAL
BURGER AND A COLD BEER.
(AND THEN ICE CREAM!)

Does the Number NUTRITION BODY ACCEPTANCE
on the Scale PHILOSOPHY ADVICE
Really Matter? OLIVE OIL ON
EVERYTHING! AND FOCUS ON FEELING
CHOCOLATE FOR FIT AND STRONG,
AND THE REST WILL
DESSERT
FOLLOW.

It may have been a while since R.D. Some runners may feel there is an according to a 2018 study in the Proceed- Courtesy Amanda MacMillan Stromoski
you’ve stepped on a scale. You’re “ideal” weight for them to feel their best ings of the Royal Society B. In swimming,
fit, you feel great, and you run—a and achieve a PR, but dipping below you’re aided slightly by the water, but
lot. So who cares what the number your equilibrium or losing weight in running is a little different. “Running is
on the scale says, right? unhealthy ways could put you at risk for really just a form of jumping,” says Matt
We agree—the number on the scale injury, illness, and disordered eating. Fitzgerald, certified sports nutritionist.
is only one metric and doesn’t provide “You can’t move forward without moving
a complete picture of health and per- So what does the science say? up, and the more you have to lift against
formance. Yet we still hear about “race As a general rule, runners move most gravity, the more energy it requires.”
weight”—that is, the weight at which efficiently when they’re at what’s con- Imagine running with five extra pounds
you run your fastest—all the time. So it sidered a healthy body mass and body-fat strapped to you, he explains. Most would
makes you wonder: Is there really an ideal percentage. Those numbers are differ- agree, it’s more taxing.
weight for running? ent for everyone. Body weight affects
Your weight isn’t the be-all and end- performance in running more than it A lower body-mass index (BMI) also
all for strong performances, but it can does in other sports, such as swimming, seems increasingly important as race
still play a role, says Natalie Rizzo, M.S.,
PHOTOGRAPH BY LAKOTA GAMBILL
34 RUNNERSWORLD.COM

distances get longer: One study found that no such thing as one “ideal” body type or college, he spent two years training
almost full-time. His mileage was
the optimal BMI for male 800m runners weight for running and that all runners, increasing, but he was focused on a low
weight instead of nutrition for perfor-
was between 20 and 21, but it dropped to even at the elite level, look different and mance. Just as he made a breakthrough
in his training, and his weight dropped
between 19 and 20 for male 10,000m and represent different body types. to an all-time low, he suffered a sacral
stress fracture. “My bone density was
marathon runners. While this research below the median level, and I don’t think
I was getting the right nutrients,” Rosetti
is interesting, generalizations about says. “I was focused on keeping as light
as I could. That’s a scary place to be.”
BMI shouldn’t be used prescriptively, Consider age, diet, and performance The injury, in effect, ended his career.

Fitzgerald says, because it doesn’t take If you want to improve your body com- Fitzgerald says impaired performance
is usually the first sign that a runner has
into account lean muscle or body fat. Plus, position by running, there’s nothing dipped into dangerous territory. “It’s the
canary in the coal mine—your body’s
most health professionals view BMI as an wrong with that so long as you approach signal that it’s under too much stress.”

antiquated marker of health. it with a healthy mind-set and in a healthy For women, a missing menstrual period
is an indication of an unhealthy and
Still, a study published in the jour- manner. Rasa Troup, a certified specialist unsustainable weight, with potential
complications such as infertility and
nal Clinical Physiology and in sports dietetics (C.S.S.D.), a osteoporosis. And while it’s less talked
about, competitive men struggle, too. One
Functional Imaging found that 2008 Olympian, and current study found that about 18 percent of male
high school cross-country runners were
young, sedentary women with nutritionist for Team USA at risk for disordered eating behaviors like
binge-eating and purging. Among other
higher body-fat percentages Minnesota, advises doing it reasons, the research suggests that some
of the athletes expressed a desire to gain
had a lower VO2 max com- in a way that supplements, not weight to be more attractive, while others
wanted to lose it to improve performance.
pared to athletic individuals T H E R E I S sabotages, your training.
To keep your weight from becoming
of the same age group, mean- N O S U C H Masters runners may have detrimental, Fitzgerald recommends
tracking your performance. “If you’re
ing they were less efficient THING the hardest time losing weight getting skinnier but your times are
at delivering oxygen. Losing AS ONE no matter how much they run. getting worse, you’ve passed the point of
fat doesn’t change your lung “ I D E A L” That’s because adults begin beneficial weight loss,” he says.
capacity or function, but for losing muscle mass after age
some, it can shift body com- BODY 30, which can impair perfor- And Rizzo adds that it’s important to
position and increase fitness. TYPE OR mance and decrease metabo- listen to your body and your mind. “If
you’re starving all the time, irritable
Leaner athletes can dissi- WEIGHT lism, says Kimberly Mueller, and cranky, or you’re bonking on runs,
you’re probably being too ambitious and
pate heat better, too, because FOR R.D., C.S.S.D. Regular exercise getting too light.”

they have a higher surface- RUNNING. (including resistance train- The bottom line: There is no one-size-
area-to-body-weight ratio and ing to maintain muscle mass) fits-all for performance and enjoyment
in running. Everyone’s ideal weight is
less insulating fat tissue. They is especially important, as is different, so it’s important to know your
body, listen closely to the signals it’s
also burn carbohydrates more efficiently. cutting back on processed foods and sending you, and do what’s best for your
health and performance regardless of the
So while weight isn’t everything, it oversized portions. It’s also important number on the scale.

is one thing. “Four factors determine to pay attention to your energy intake RUNNERSWORLD.COM 35

how fast you are,” says Sean Wade, a to make sure you get in enough fuel to

top masters athlete and coach of the support your health, adds Troup.

Houston-based Kenyan Way running Of course, losing weight isn’t a good

program. “Genetics, form, how hard and idea for all runners. For those who are

smart you train, and your weight—and naturally very lean or who work to stay

not necessarily in that order.” at the low end of their healthy weight,

While the science points to some rea- the threat of falling below that point at

sons why lighter bodies can move faster, which you race your best is real.

it’s important to emphasize that there is After Brian Rosetti graduated from

TIMING IS If weight loss is a goal, the time to prioritize it is in a four- to nine-week period before you
EVERYTHING start ramping up your workouts, while you’re building your base. During a competitive
season, athletes shouldn’t restrict themselves. If you do reduce calorie intake, a reduction of

200 to 300 calories a day is best for those who want to lose a few pounds, but stop restrict-

ing calories the week of a big race, Mueller adds, because your body will perform best on a full tank. Taliyah Brooks,

an Asics track-and-field athlete, says she goes into her training cycles about three to four pounds over her race

weight, a product of less intense training and weightlifting programs during her off-season.

Nearly Dying
Made Me
Embrace
Running

I used to run just to stay in shape. true change that will motivate and inspire “THE ONLY education classes, but everyone who was
I didn’t love it. I’ve been wrestling others. Which is why I needed a goal—a WAY TO RUN, able to witness my accomplishment.
competitively for 25 years and am crazy one. After completing my rehab, ESPECIALLY
one of the top masters wrestlers the father of one of my students (I’m an The only way to run, especially after all
in the world. Running throughout my elementary PE teacher) entered me into AFTER that I have been through, is with gratitude.
wrestling career helped me cut weight, a half marathon. The race was laid-back, ALL THAT I I am grateful and thankful for all that I
but I never went farther than eight miles. with gentle hills, and straightaways that HAVE BEEN have, a family that cares about me, and
That all changed in October 2017, when were a perfect fit for a first half marathon. THROUGH, my health as I run more often nowadays.
my life nearly ended. While traveling to Crossing the finish line after overcoming I’m grateful for my wife, who is working
Bulgaria for the World Veterans Wres- so much felt amazing, but ultimately left IS WITH the front lines as a nurse and is exposed
tling Championship, I started experienc- me wanting more. How about another GRATITUDE.” to COVID-19 patients each week. She was
ing headaches, nausea, and vomiting. I half? A full marathon? An ultramarathon? highly instrumental in getting me home
thought it was food poisoning and fatigue from the hospital to where I am today.
from cutting weight. Instead, I was diag- Just a few weeks later, I finished my
nosed with a brain hemorrhage, and later, first marathon, one of my bucket-list aspi- Running is something I no longer take
a life-threatening AV malformation with rations. The run from Dodger Stadium to for granted. I am thankful that I can still
a cavernous tumor in my frontal lobe. I Santa Monica Pier was beautiful and an move, that I can still compete, and that I
was medevacked to Germany, and spent inspiring experience to share with not just am still moving forward one step at a time.
a month in ICU. the elementary students in my physical
After spending weeks in a hospital bed, No matter what happens in your life,
my muscles atrophied. I didn’t feel like stay strong!
an athlete. I had to relearn how to walk.
Running and wrestling were out of the
question. I felt demoralized.
In my experience, challenging yourself
through mind, body, and soul creates

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AT A TIME

36 RUNNERSWORLD.COM PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALONSO TAL

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m p

AFTER SHE
REJECTED
HER STRICT
RELIGIOUS
COMMUNITY

38 RUNNERSWORLD.COM RUNNING
HELPED
HER BUILD
A NEW
LIFE

BY DAVID ALM

PHOTOGRAPHY BY FIRST LAST

PHOTOGRAPHY BY DREW REYNOLDS RUNNERSWORLD.COM 39

IT’S in the early 20th century but really took root in post–World War
RACE II New York. After the Holocaust, thousands of Orthodox Jews
DAY, fled Europe and established tightly knit communities throughout
AND IT’S Brooklyn, including in South Williamsburg. Connie’s mother,
FREEZING. Devorah, was born in Israel; her father, Lipa, in Brooklyn. His
parents, Holocaust survivors from Hungary, had their first child
Connie doesn’t have gloves or a hat. She wears black yoga pants on the ship from Europe to New York. They were also cousins.
and a cotton sweatshirt. On her feet are a pair of bulky five-year-
old white Nikes she bought at a Foot Locker. The crowd around For that first wave of Jewish émigrés, postwar Brooklyn rep-
her buzzes with strange talk of Garmins, and racing flats, and resented a new start, but it was hardly a happy one. “Even in this
PRs, whatever those are. land of safety and abundance, the pain of the Holocaust wasn’t
very far from the surface,” writes Warren Kozak in his book The
At the gun, her friend says, “Just run. Just follow the people.” Rabbi of 84th Street. “One could hear it in discussions and see it
It’s 2013, and Connie is 24. When her friend suggested a few on the faces of those who survived.” They seemed to be “stuck
weeks prior that she register for the Valentine’s Day 5K in Brook- in a dark void,” a state of constant mourning. “Even the warm
lyn’s Prospect Park, she’d asked, “What’s a 5K?” glow [of Shabbos candles] could not fill the horrible vacuum.”
“It’s just a loop of the park,” he said.
How should she prepare, Connie wanted to know. “Just run South Williamsburg measures less than one square mile, but
on the treadmill,” he said. She figured, How hard could it be? it’s grown into one of the largest Hasidic enclaves in the world:
But now she’s following the people, a big, swarming crowd of Some estimates suggest that it’s home to as many as 73,000
people. And when they get to a hill, the people keep going and Hasidim of various sects. Most are Satmar, who reject modern
Connie stops. I can’t do it, she thinks. life and maintain the customs and dress of their Hungarian
Running outside, let alone among hundreds of other runners ancestors. Insular and culturally conservative, the Satmar believe
on a frigid Saturday morning, is new to Connie. For years, she that through strict piety and by refusing to assimilate, they can
had to hide her workouts from her husband and family. The hill guard against another attempt at annihilation.
before her is steep, but not nearly as steep as the one she has
already climbed just to reach the starting line. This insularity is reinforced by geography, with sharp lines
separating South Williamsburg from its neighbors: Williamsburg
SUNDAYS WERE SCHOOL days when Connie was growing up. Only a proper to the north, where boutiques, bars, and luxury condo-
few hours most Sundays, except for the first Sunday in November miniums line the East River waterfront; and Bedford-Stuyvesant
each year, when the New York City Marathon ran up Bedford to the south, a historically Black neighborhood defined by 19th-
Avenue, straight through the heart of South Williamsburg. That century brownstones, Baptist churches, and vacant lots turned
was a full day. into community gardens.

She would see only the marathon’s aftermath: an avenue strewn Connie knew nothing of either world as a child, nor of any
with paper cups, empty gel packets, and police barricades, the other worlds beyond South Williamsburg, where she was born
mysterious remnants of one of the largest road races in the world. in 1988. She knew only what she caught glimpses of; her imag-
Marathoners were crazy people, she was told. They were going to ination did the rest. From her third-floor apartment on Lee
break their legs, or faint, or die the moment they crossed the finish Avenue and Heyward Street, she would sit at the window staring
line. But most important, they were not part of the community. out—“especially on the weekends,” she says, “because there’d be
less Jewish people out on the street.”
Connie Allen, née Schlesinger, was raised Satmar, an ultra-
Orthodox sect of Hasidic Judaism that originated in Hungary Whenever she saw a non-Hasidic person walk by, her eyes
would be glued on them. “I’d just try to understand what life
40 RUNNERSWORLD.COM was out there, because the life I was living was so miserable
and so depressing.”

IT’S SPRING 2002, and Connie is 13. She’s small, with big brown
eyes. Her silken hair falls straight against her back in a single
tight braid. Her traditional black housedress extends almost to
her ankles and covers her arms and neck; underneath she wears
thick beige tights. Only her face and hands are exposed. Every
article of her clothing has been handed down from her older
cousins and sisters. She feels invisible.

Connie’s Satmar school is closed to girls for three weeks over
spring break so they can help their mothers with Passover clean-
ing. They empty the cupboards, scour every surface that food has
touched, and scrub the walls to rid their homes of any trace of
bread products. In Connie’s home, they even clean the ceilings.
The ritual commemorates the exodus of enslaved Israelites from
Egypt, when, according to the Bible, they were liberated by Moses
so abruptly that their bread had no time to rise and they were left
with only unleavened bread for their journey across the desert.

Previous spread: Courtesy Connie Allen (family photos) Today the weeklong holiday is observed without leavened grain Connie’s mara- Looking back, she realizes how unhealthy that thought process
products, a tradition that honors their exile and hardship. thon PR is 3:31, was for an adolescent girl. But 13-year-old Connie, who wasn’t
but she excels even allowed to wear her hair down or do anything else to feel
For those three weeks, Connie’s typically silent apartment is on the track, good about how she looked, just wanted to be seen. By her class-
full of commotion, and she sees an opportunity. She may not be where she mates, her teachers. Anyone. She wanted to be someone other
able to change her dress or her hair, but she can change her body. recently posted than the girl in thick braids and dark clothes who even other
2:35 in an 800. Hasidic children thought was weird.
As her mother and sisters clean and scour and scrub, Connie
slips down the narrow hall to her bedroom. She closes the door LIPA AND DEVORAH had eight children, six girls and two boys.
and lays towels on the creaky wood floor to muffle the sound. Connie was their fifth child, and fourth daughter. The family
She begins: first jumping jacks, then high knees, then running in was severe even by Satmar standards, which exacerbated her
place as hard as she can, nearly passing out from the effort. She feeling of alienation among her peers. Lipa believed that food
repeats the cycle for 20 minutes, and again the next day. And the was for nourishment alone, not pleasure. He had never tasted
day after that, until it’s time to go back to school. chocolate or ice cream. Devorah spent most days reading her

“I wasn’t overweight, but I wanted to lose weight. Not because RUNNERSWORLD.COM 41
I wanted to lose weight, but because I wanted people to notice
that I’d lost weight. And not even that I’d lost weight, necessarily,
but notice me,” she says now.

“WHEN
CONNIE AND
HER SISTERS
TURNED 12,
THEIR FATHER
STOPPED
LOOKING AT
THEM OR
SPEAKING
TO THEM
DIRECTLY.”

42 RUNNERSWORLD.COM

prayer book. She rarely showed affection. Left to right: and her sisters were forbidden from talking to other girls who
On Fridays at sundown, Devorah would light Shabbos candles, Connie holds a styled their hair with ponytails or bangs, or who wore colorful
photo from her clothing. Her brothers were forbidden from talking to girls at all.
and Connie and her sisters would queue up in the living room wedding day at
“like an assembly line.” One by one, Devorah would kiss them age 17. Connie “He was extremely religious,” Connie says of her father. He
on the forehead; in return, they would kiss her hand. It was a (center), age believed men were holy; they existed to serve God. Women
tradition that had been passed down over generations. Connie 14, on a family existed to have children and to serve their husbands. The sexes
says she didn’t feel any particular affinity for Judaism or God. outing; it was were to be kept separate. When Connie and her sisters turned
But she cherished those moments of closeness with her mother. her first time 12, their father stopped looking at them or speaking to them
She wanted more. on the subway directly. Whenever he chastised them, it was always through
despite being Devorah. Connie got chastised a lot. She was rebellious. She
Lipa spent his days studying the Torah. Their income was a lifelong NYC liked to listen to the radio; sometimes she brushed her teeth on
limited to what Devorah earned babysitting for other families in resident. Connie Shabbos. Neither was allowed.
the building. The family relied on food stamps to buy squished and one of her
produce and stale bread at the market. The only meat they had older sisters, “I know a lot of people who grew up better than I did,” says
was from chickens that Lipa usually slaughtered and cleaned who also even- Connie now. “They had more freedom of speaking their mind,
himself, both to ensure that it was done according to kosher tually left the and more love. I always feel like things would have been different
standards and because the butcher cut him a deal for doing the community. if I’d had that love.” By 16, she decided she was done. Or rather,
labor himself. Lipa got priority at meals; the kids were left with the decision was made for her. The sequence is a little murky;
Courtesy Connie Allen (family photos) bare chicken wings and little bits of potato or rice. Green beans it comes in flashes now, her memory a kaleidoscope refracting
if they were lucky. the slivers of a life that, up to then, had only seemed of a piece.
Connie sometimes has trouble putting them back together. She
Connie looked forward to holidays, because on holidays, she and pauses often. Getting it right is important.
her sisters got to help Devorah make rugelach, a traditional Jewish
pastry filled with chocolate or cinnamon. It was the only time Of this she is certain: The summer after 11th grade, in 2005,
they were allowed to have sugar. The family spoke only Yiddish Connie was told not to return to school. She had made a friend at
and dressed in dark colors. The girls wore their hair in one or Satmar sleepaway camp who’d acquired a reputation for hanging
two braids; the boys, in traditional payos, or “side curls.” Connie around with boys. The school disapproved. Connie was fine with
this. She’d never felt like she fit in.

She got a job helping the teachers at another school, where
she befriended the janitor. He was the first non-Jewish person
Connie had ever known. And though nothing ever happened
between them, Connie considered him her boyfriend. What else
to call a man she talked to in private?

Devorah had reached her limit. She demanded that Connie talk
to her uncle, “who supposedly knew about stuff.” Connie agreed
on one condition: that her mother find her a match by the time
she turned 17. It’s not uncommon for young ultra-Orthodox Jews
to get married as a way to escape their parents’ homes, says Yael
Reisman, the director of field and movement building at Foot-
steps, a Manhattan-based nonprofit that provides assistance to
ultra-Orthodox Jews who want to transition out of the community.
But getting married also further cements them in the community.
“Once you’re married, it becomes much harder to leave,” Reisman
says. “And once you have children, it’s even harder.”

It was July and her birthday was in October. Connie figured
she could make it that long. “I just wanted to get out,” she says.

Connie went to see her uncle three times. They met in a
dimly lit room in his house. There was an old-fashioned dinette
against one wall, a couch against another. He sat at the head of a
long, wooden table, stroking his long, dark beard. She sat at the
side, her eyes cast downward, her hands folded in her lap. He
assumed she’d been sent to him because she was pregnant. “He
talked about sex the whole time,” she says. “I didn’t even know
what sex was. That was the first time I ever learned about it.”

Connie’s parents fulfilled their end of the bargain, too, and
found her an eligible boy, another Satmar one year older than
Connie. “My family thought I was already pregnant, and they
didn’t want a scandal on their hands,” she says. The couple had
a brief, 15-minute meeting and were married 12 weeks later.

Once she was married, Connie cut off her hair and began
wearing a wig; only a woman’s husband should see her natural
hair, according to ultra-Orthodox custom. The couple moved into

RUNNERSWORLD.COM 43

a small apartment just a few blocks from where they’d both been Connie with her CONNIE AND HER husband had little in common, but they did share a
raised and began to build a life. In the Orthodox community, that son, Chaimy. rebellious streak. She thought that might be enough. Unlike most
meant starting a family. She felt she young Satmar men, her husband didn’t shun the secular world
had to leave her and spend his days studying the Torah. He had a job. He smoked.
Every month after her wedding, Connie walked up Bedford community for He had a car. He was one of the “cool” guys. And he introduced
Avenue, turned right onto Penn Street, and entered an unmarked his sake. Connie to movies. These became an escape, however brief. But
brick building. Connie hated going to the mikvah, a ritual bath they also made her sad. Her heart sank during what she refers to
that dates to at least the 1st century B.C. and adheres strictly to as “the love parts”—any scene that depicted a deep, affectionate
rabbinical law. But she had no choice. Married Orthodox women relationship between the characters. “I didn’t have that,” she says.
are expected to go to the mikvah at the end of their monthly
menstrual cycles to ensure that they are “pure.” Connie got pregnant the first time she and her husband had
sex. Within weeks, she fell so ill she could barely get out of bed.
Inside the building, she would descend a narrow set of stairs to She was already thin—110 pounds—and dropped to 90. She never
a damp basement. An older woman would greet her there and lead saw a doctor. Instead, her husband called a rabbi.
her into one of several private rooms, where Connie undressed,
showered, clipped her nails, and combed what remained of her The rabbi came to their apartment and the two of them sat
thick, black hair. When she was finished, she would ring a bell down at the dining room table. “You have to take care of your
and the older woman would come in to inspect her from head to husband, you have to support your family,” he told her, his
toe. Was she clean enough? Did she have any loose hair? Were voice gentle but firm. “You can’t just lie in bed all day.” Connie
her nails adequately trimmed? seethed. She realized that her husband thought she’d been
faking. He’d summoned the rabbi to call her bluff. A week later
Then she’d go to a larger room with a small pool. They’d be she had a miscarriage.
the only two people in the room. Connie would submerge herself
entirely six times as the older woman sat on the side and watched. After nearly two more years of trying to get pregnant (and
After each submersion the older woman would offer a simple,
two-syllable affirmation: “Kosher.”

44 RUNNERSWORLD.COM

“FOR PEOPLE life,” she says. For Connie, that was unacceptable. “I thought, you
WHO LEAVE THE can watch TV but your child can’t? That’s not how I want to raise
COMMUNITY, THE my kid. That’s not honest, and not truthful.”
REPERCUSSIONS
EXTEND FAR BEYOND She told her husband she wanted to leave the community. He
THE ONE WHO tried to dissuade her. Then he said they’d do it together, they’d
CHOOSES TO GO.” change together. “But he didn’t have it in him,” she says. “He
just couldn’t do it.”
dreaded visits to the mikvah), Connie gave birth to a son, Chaimy,
in August 2008. She was 19. She joined the local YMCA, on Bed- Reisman says that for people who leave the community, the
ford and Monroe Street, about a mile south of South Williamsburg, repercussions extend far beyond the one who chooses to go.
where she began walking on the treadmill in an effort to lose Leaving “tarnishes the entire family,” she says. “Your siblings
some pregnancy weight. Her husband joined, too, but it wasn’t might not be selected for certain marriages, your father might
his thing. He preferred to stay home. be ostracized at shul (synagogue). People worry about what
will happen in their wake. That’s why some who may want to
Connie went to the Y a few times a week, after she put her leave don’t.”
son to bed. She wore a long-sleeved T-shirt, black leggings, and
a long skirt, and covered her hair with a large kerchief. On her As oppressive as life in the community might appear to outsid-
feet she wore the bulky white Nikes she’d lace up five years later ers, particularly for women and girls, Reisman says it can also be
for that Valentine’s Day 5K. Gradually, she learned to pick up one of great warmth and beauty. “Everyone looks out for you,”
the pace for brief intervals, jogging for up to two, maybe three she says. “Almost every need is taken care of. If you leave that,
minutes at a time. not only are you going out on your own, but you’re losing your
whole safety net.”
During her pregnancy, Connie had been able to avoid the
mikvah because she wasn’t menstruating, and she managed to For many in the ultra-Orthodox community, this presents the
sustain her hiatus even after she gave birth. “It takes about six biggest risk of all. “Because of the way you were brought up, you
weeks to get rid of all the postpartum blood and whatever,” she don’t know how to function in the world,” Reisman says. “You
says. But eventually, she was expected to go back. “It’s a chore may not even speak English. The ultra-Orthodox are essentially
that women do to provide sex for their husbands,” she says. immigrants in the place where they were born.”

One day, Connie realized that once a month, during the time No one in Connie’s life supported her decision. They told her of
she would normally allocate to the mikvah, she could disappear people who’d left and committed suicide, or who tried to return
for up to two and a half hours without drawing suspicion. This but were never truly accepted back into the fold. That there was
gave her an idea: “I figured, instead of going to Bedford and nothing out there for her. That she’d lose her son.
Penn Street, I’ll just go to Bedford and Monroe Street and make
my own mikvah.” “She had everything at stake,” says Reisman. “She had every-
thing to lose.”
She learned to use the weight machines, to do crunches on
a Pilates ball, and to climb the stair machine. Afterward she’d But Connie could see no other way. She had to leave for her
take a quick shower in the locker room, clip her nails, and go son’s sake. During their divorce, Connie’s husband threatened
home, a straight shot up Bedford Avenue on the B44 bus. Her to sue her for custody. She was unfazed. “I said, ‘What are you
husband had no idea. going to do? You weren’t in the room when he was born, you’ve
never fed him, never changed his diaper.’ And in the community,
At home, Connie continued to rebel. She wore jeans, and put that was normal. But I wanted a partner.”
on a skirt only when she left the house. She grew her hair out
and wore it down, donning her wig only in public. She listened THROUGH FACEBOOK, CONNIE met another young single mother who
to the radio. “It was just me in the house doing what I wanted, was also leaving the community, and they got a two-bedroom
and if my husband didn’t like it, we’d fight. Whatever. I didn’t apartment in Midwood, a quiet, middle-class neighborhood in
even care,” she says. Besides, he could be loose with the rules, central Brooklyn, several miles from South Williamsburg. She
too. He watched TV and had a smartphone. He wore cufflinks commuted to the old neighborhood every day by bus to her job
and cologne. He’d skip the prayer at synagogue. at a tech support company.

But now they had a son. They had to think about where he’d go She was 21, with an 11th-grade education and an 18-month-old
to school, what kind of clothes he’d wear, whether he’d have side to feed and clothe. She had only begun to learn English four years
curls. They fought about it. “He wanted to keep living that double earlier. She had little money and almost no time for herself, let
alone for working out at the Y, one of the few things that brought
her joy. She stopped going.

“Everything just fell apart,” she says of that time in her life.
“Just so much chaos.”

To alleviate stress, Connie and her roommate partied whenever
their kids were with their dads. They drank. They went to clubs
with other disillusioned Hasidim.

One day when things were especially rough, Connie called her
mother. “How come we were never brought up with the idea of
college?” she asked. “Why couldn’t we have further education
after high school, so we can support our families?”

RUNNERSWORLD.COM 45

Her mother replied: “Why are you asking me questions? I the weight room and then running on the treadmill. She meets
never asked questions of my mother. Why are you questioning bodybuilders and yoga instructors who become her new friends.
the way of life?” She falls in love with the “feeling of lifting heavy weights and
feeling really sore the next day.”
Reisman says that for Satmar Jews, questioning the way of
life is tantamount to forgetting the past, and forgetting the past Gradually, she meets other runners. One day, one of them
is tantamount to extinction. “Everything the Satmar commu- invites her to race the Valentine’s Day 5K. She doesn’t hesitate.
nity does is because of the Holocaust,” she says. “They suffered
incredible loss. Everything they do is under the lens of trauma But Connie has never run outside in the dead of winter before.
and fear. And when they get pushback from the outside world, She isn’t prepared for the cold, or for the hills of Prospect
their tendency is to crawl in even further. There’s a very us- Park. As she squeezes into the crowd behind the starting line,
versus-them mentality, and it all comes from the Holocaust.” she looks around at the other runners in their Dri-Fit jackets,
thermal tights, and fleece hats. A friend loans her his hat. She
For those who leave, this inherited trauma compounds the pulls it down over her ears and curls her hands into the sleeves
extraordinary challenges of adjusting to the secular world. A of her sweatshirt.
lot of people don’t make it, or they fall into destructive habits as
a way to cope. “I could have very easily become a drug addict,” Just one loop of the park, she repeats to herself. I can do this.
Connie says. At the gun, the crowd surges forward and Connie gets swept
into the current. Then that first hill, and she stops. But not
One morning after a night of hard partying, Connie woke up for long. Connie pauses, looks up at the incline, and starts to
and couldn’t remember the previous 12 hours. She thinks she walk. When she reaches the top, she starts to run again. She
was roofied. “I thought, ‘I’m done.’” approaches the finish line as the clock ticks past the 27-minute
mark. She signs up for another race the next weekend.
IT’S THE BEGINNING of 2013, and Connie has been on her own for By mid-March 2013, Connie has run a handful of 5Ks and
three years. She hasn’t seen her family since 2011, when she 4-milers and wants to try something longer. That April, she
was asked to leave her sister’s wedding for not wearing an runs a 15K in Central Park, and finishes in 1:22, an average
appropriately modest dress. She no longer has the friends she pace of 8:48 per mile. “I felt horrible, everything was hurting,
partied with when she left the community. She has only her but I loved it,” she says. “When it was over, I thought, how do
son, and when he’s at his dad’s, she has no one. She feels lost. I train for something like this in the future?”
She joins a club, North Brooklyn Runners, and begins training
To fill the time, she returns to the only thing that gave her in earnest with another runner on the team named Hershy,
solace in her old life. who also grew up Orthodox. With him, Connie starts to do her
regular runs at a 7:30 pace and “crazy track workouts.”
There’s a YMCA on Flatbush Avenue, in a predominantly “I didn’t have a Garmin, I’d just follow him and he’d time
Caribbean neighborhood not far from Midwood, and Connie me,” she says. “We’d do hill repeats on the Williamsburg Bridge.
spends up to five hours at a time there, working her way across Then we’d do a 20-minute cooldown. One day on the way home,
I passed Prospect Park, and I did another loop.”
“SHE’D BEEN Soon she buys a Garmin of her own. Then she buys new shoes.
ON THAT ROAD She starts running to and from work, eight miles each way.
COUNTLESS Connie doesn’t know if she is a distance runner or a track
TIMES, BUT rat, a marathoner or a 5K specialist, a miler or a sprinter. She
NEVER LIKE THIS. just knows that she loves to run and seems to be pretty good
SHE DIDN’T FEEL at it. She applies to the 2013 New York City Marathon, but she
INVISIBLE THIS doesn’t get in through the lottery, so she registers for Philadel-
TIME.” phia instead. Then she gets a spot in New York through Team
for Kids and decides to do both.
46 RUNNERSWORLD.COM That fall, just nine months after her first road race, Connie
finishes two marathons just two weeks apart. Her time in New
York, 3:33:57, good enough to qualify for Boston.

IT’S 2020 NOW. Connie is 31. She carries herself like an athlete,
confident and strong. When she speaks, she’s direct; when she
listens, she does so with intention. Her eyes are the same large,
brown orbs she had at 13, but now they’re assertive and alert.

She lives in New Jersey with her new husband, their 2-year-
old daughter, and her son. He turned 12 in August. Her husband,
Ken, is a runner, too. Like she did with most of her new friends,
she met him through NBR.

Over the past seven years, Connie has completed four mara-
thons, including two New Yorks and one Boston, with a PR of
3:31. But her real wheels are on the track. Through NBR, she

“Why didn’t you give us kids any love?” Connie asked. “Why
was there no affection in our house?”

Silence.
Finally her mother answered: “I just did what my parents did.”
Two months later, just before Connie’s daughter was born,
her mother called again. This time Connie didn’t pick up; the
pain of the previous call was still fresh. Her mother left a
voicemail instead.
“Chumy,” she began, calling Connie by her Yiddish name. “It’s
Mommy. I didn’t forget about you. My heart is open for you.”
Her mother was crying, and for a moment, Connie thought
she might finally be ready to accept her for who she is, to give
her the love she had always craved, to be the mother she had
always longed for her to be.
But she wasn’t calling to offer any of that, or even because
Connie was about to have a baby. She was calling because it
was Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. “God is waiting for
you to return to him,” her mother said, her already quiet voice
muffled by tears. “He loves you. God is never going to leave a
Jewish child. You can always return.”
“That voicemail started out well,” Connie says, “but it took
a turn when she mentioned God. They will only accept me if
I return to God’s ways.” These days, Connie identifies as an
atheist. “Holidays we still celebrate because of the history and
the traditions, and they’re fun. I believe in history. But I don’t
believe there is a God or a higher power.” Her mother hasn’t
called since.
Today, Connie is at once forgiving and resolute when she
speaks of her parents, and even of her ex-husband. After all,
they didn’t make the rules. But she also can’t abide a life that,
for her, was so unbearable, and so lonely. She wants her children
to know something different.

met James Chu, a certified coach who saw right away that she Training in a AFTER A NEARLY three-year hiatus, Connie resumed training in
had the explosive speed to excel at the 200, the 400, maybe local park. When May 2019, focusing squarely on the track. Last spring, she ran
even the 800. Chu began coaching Connie in late 2013 and they Connie first got a series of solo 200s and closed with a 30-second rep. A PR. She
decided to work down from the mile, setting their sights on the into running, had hoped to break 65 in the 400 last summer, but with meets
5th Avenue Mile the following September. she’d run to and canceled due to the pandemic, she has yet to reach that goal.
from work, eight
Connie and her coach worked together all spring and summer, miles each way. These are much shorter distances than the New York City
meeting regularly at the McCarren track in North Williamsburg Marathon that captured her imagination as a child, to be sure,
for speed sessions and to develop Connie’s form. She learned but the journey to get there has taken a lifetime.
to drive her knees forward, to use her arms, to run tall. It paid
off. In September 2014, Connie finished 5th Avenue in 5:53. She thinks back on those bulky white Nikes, that first 5K in
The following year she brought her time down to 5:35, and in Prospect Park, and the friends who helped her train for her
February of this year, she posted a 2:35 800. first 26.2-mile trek through the five boroughs in 2013. She
remembers the thrill of descending the Verrazzano-Narrows
She kept working on the longer distances, too, clocking a Bridge into Brooklyn, the only place she’d ever called home,
half-marathon PR of 1:32 in her lead-up to Boston 2016. Like and crossing the finish line at Tavern on the Green. But most
any runner, she’s had her share of injuries and slumps. The 2016 of all, she remembers running through South Williamsburg.
Boston Marathon left her cooked, and she struggled all summer
to train for 5th Avenue in September. She made it to the starting “Just going through that one mile, the feeling of redemption,”
line but dropped out at the three-quarter mark. She needed a she says of racing up Bedford Avenue, the same stretch of road
break. She hung up her shoes and focused on her family. She that took her to the mikvah, and later, home from the Y on the
had just married Ken, and they were trying to get pregnant. B44 bus. She’d been on that road countless times, but never like
this. She didn’t feel invisible this time. She didn’t feel lost. She
In July 2017, her mother called. Connie reluctantly picked felt like a marathoner.
up; it was the first time they’d spoken in six years. She saw it
as a chance to ask some questions, to maybe understand her As she ran, the few Hasidic spectators who’d gathered on the
mother better, to find a path toward reconciliation. sidewalks stared at her like she was crazy, or was going to break
her legs, or would die the moment she crossed the finish line.

Connie just smiled back at them. She couldn’t stop smiling.

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