Internet Yearnings

INTERNET
YEARNINGS

And other poems

GARY
BECK

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Internet Yearnings and Other Poems. ©2018 Gary Beck.
Published by Fowlpox Press.
Editor: Virgil Kay.
Layout: Paris Pâté.
ISBN: 978-1-927593-69-1

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INTERNET
YEARNINGS

and other poems

GARY
BECK

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Table of Contents

Internet Yearning...................................................................................................................1
Repossessed...........................................................................................................................2
Fine Art................................................................................................................................... 4
Deviation................................................................................................................................ 5
Diminishing Voices................................................................................................................6
Observer................................................................................................................................. 7
Bird Brains.............................................................................................................................. 8
Portrait.................................................................................................................................... 9
Street People....................................................................................................................... 10
Protective Shields................................................................................................................11
Internet Yearning II............................................................................................................. 12
Call to Arms..........................................................................................................................13
Fine Art II.............................................................................................................................. 14
Internet Service....................................................................................................................15
Portrait II...............................................................................................................................16
Domestic Strains..................................................................................................................17
Street People II.................................................................................................................... 20
Fine Art III............................................................................................................................. 21
Due Process......................................................................................................................... 22
Portrait III..............................................................................................................................23

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Internet Yearning
Ms lonely heart
sits at her computer
reviewing candidates
at an on-line dating service,
each one promising
to make her happy,
most of them so clever
she cannot tell
who is sincere,
who is unscrupulous
hoping to take advantage
of a vulnerable person,
so she is indecisive
and does not push
the tempting button
of connectivity.

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Repossessed

When I finally got back
from scenic Iraq
the bank had foreclosed my house
and my wife and kids
were living with her parents.
Her dad detested me
for stealing his daughter
and Honey tried her best
for us to get along,
but he didn't approve
of my sitting up all night,
not looking for a job,
so things got tense.

Honey didn't know me anymore.
The kids thought I was weird.
I went to the V.A. Hospital
but they made an appointment
to see a shrink in six months,
which didn't help now.
When I ran out of meds
I didn't care anymore.
I began to drink, use drugs,
wander the streets at night
and come home and fight with Honey.
Dear "Dad" threatened to kick me out
unless I cleaned up my act,
then Honey asked for a divorce.

I didn't say anything
and didn't go out the next night.
I took out my rifle and pistol,
stripped them, oiled the parts
until they worked sweetly.
When I was locked and loaded
I went upstairs and visited "Dad",
then Honey and the kids.

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In the morning I'll go to the bank
and thank them for taking my house.
I don't know what I'll do after that.

3

Fine Art
The Industrial Age
allowed painters
to abandon church art,
paint what they want,
meeting initial resistance
from an ignorant public
conditioned to portraits,
depiction of saints.
Renoir, Picasso, Warhol,
once scorned, reviled,
became old masters
secure in art history,
hot items at auctions
where works they gave away
for practically nothing
sell at record prices
to the vulgar applause
of tasteless audiences.

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Deviation
A mentally ill
homeless man
sits at a broken table
in Bryant Park,
surrounded by tourists,
shoppers, city dwellers
enjoying the spring greenery.
He talks into a cellphone,
a one way conversation,
a last attempt
at normalcy.

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Diminishing Voices

I do not know
why the young become poets,
since they seem to be
more concerned with aesthetics
than issues of our time.

I think of Byron,
going to Missalonghi
to join the Greeks
in their fight for freedom,
dying for an ideal.

I think of Whitman
seared by the horrors
of brutal civil war,
nursing the wounded,
giving of himself.

I think of Ginsburg
howling his frustration.
the classic outsider
accusing, opposing
the land that built him.

Poets have fallen silent
on vital issues
settling for security
in a university,
unfit for current challenges

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Observer
Each morning

I go to work
and see an old woman
looking from her window
in a ratty tenement

eluding gentrification,
allowing her to peer

at a confusing world,
face pressed against

unresponsive glass,
seeking to decipher
why she's been marooned
in a submerging building.

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Bird Brains
Hungry urban birds
flock to feeders
placed to attract them,
but have trouble eating
when they can't figure out
how the feeder works.

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Portrait
A young stockbroker
acolyte of commerce
ivy M.B.A.
apprenticed
to the good life,
expensive suits,
expensive cars,
fine restaurants,
gaining luxuries
in electronic transactions
protected by defensive moats
restricting admission,
leaving him envied or hated
by those denied
fruits of participation.

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Street People

I saw an old homeless man
plodding along carnivorous streets
pushing a shopping cart
overflowing with plastic bags
filled with I know not what,
mementos, relics, connections
to an earlier life
unceremoniously ended
with invisibility
in the eyes of others.
I cannot discern
if he is white, black, Hispanic.
I do not know
if this wreckage
of what might have been
a father, husband, lover,
veteran who shed his blood
for the same society
that abandoned him,
retains sanity
pushing his shopping cart
of broken dreams.

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Protective Shields
They sit at computers
desperate to reach someone,
make human contact,
but never know
who responds,
identities concealed
by remote electrons,
permitting indulgence
in communication
that does not lead
to risk of discovery.

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Internet Yearning II
Mister woeful
sits at his computer
looking at women's pages
on an online dating service,
most of them attractive,
but he lacks confidence
to explore further
fearing rejection
more than getting a date,
so he doesn't respond
to tempting offers,
escaping to fantasy
of electronic romance.

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Call to Arms

Soldiers do their duty
fight, bleed, die
for love of country,
rarely knowing why,
believing their leaders
won't throw away their lives
for greed, power, stupidity.
They go to foreign lands,
kill who they're told to kill
and many become unfit
for the rigors of combat
nurtured on tv couches,
computer game joysticks,
unprepared mentally
for fanatic opponents
born to hardship,
raised in third world poverty
to view life differently
than young Americans
nurtured on Facebook, Twitter,
the illusion of freedom,
their harshest upbringing easy
compared to their enemies
whose religious dogma
devalues the individual,
rewards in the afterlife,
as long as they never give up
until American leaders
recognize their failure,
bring our men and women home
to an unwelcoming land.

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Fine Art II
The glitterati glitter
gathered together
at posh auction houses
to bid for paintings
they once sneered at.
Now time has approved
artists who were mocked
for outlandish work
and a slick auctioneer
coaxes millions from collectors
who buy what they buy
because it's valued by others.
New owners proudly bask
at fervent hand clapping
for record sale prices
for the same painting
they once could have bought
for virtually nothing.

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Internet Service
A lonely man
logs onto
an online dating service
eager to meet
he/she to relieve
painful isolation.
Scams, threats, insults,
bank account looted,
other hazards endured
by another victim
of the growing need
for companionship.

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Portrait II
Young stockbroker
driving to success,
gears fully engaged
for acquisition,
absorbing caviar,
champagne,
the finest cocaine,
rapt in accumulation
dreaming of a mega-yacht,
oblivious to the suffering
of needy millions.

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Domestic Strains

Jim and Lolly
married young,
Jim dropped out of school,
got a supervisor's job
in a factory,
made enough money
so they bought a house
at a foreclosure sale
in the South Bronx.

Lolly stayed in school
planning to get a degree
in communications,
worked part-time for a phone company,
trying to make enough money
so Jim could go back to school,
get a college degree
in computer science,
get a good job
so they could afford children.

The factory cut the worker's wages
so they went on strike
and the bosses furloughed Jim,
but promised to bring him back
as soon as the strike ended.
He got a part-time job
in the Hunts Point Market
loading produce on trucks
and Lolly increased her hours
at the phone company.
For a while they managed
to pay most of their bills.

The strike went on for a year,
then the workers gave in
and the bosses brought Jim back.

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But two weeks later
they sold the factory
and fired everyone.
Jim went back to the market
and Lolly dropped out of school
until he got a full-time job.

Then Lolly's company
outsourced her department
to India, to save money
and they let her go.
Jim asked for a full-time job
but the market bosses said no.
He and Lolly spent their time
on job search
worrying what to do
when they couldn't pay
health insurance.

After several notices,
the bank foreclosed their house
and they were forced to sell
most of their possessions
so they could afford to move
into a tiny apartment.
They couldn't get other jobs
and had just enough money
for rent, food, utilities,
but health insurance lapsed.

That winter Jim caught the flu,
missed a week of work
and when he returned they fired him.
He couldn't get unemployment insurance
so they ran out of money.
When they couldn't pay utilities
their electricity was shut off
and for a short while
they lived by candlelight,
pretending it was romantic,

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until the candles melted.

The landlord wouldn't wait any longer
despite promises to pay soon
and had the sheriff evict them,
putting their possessions on the street.
With no place else to go
they went to a homeless intake center
and slept on the filthy floor
for the next few nights,
until the chilly social worker
deigned to interview them.

She questioned their legitimacy
when they couldn't show their marriage certificate
and insisted they be sent
to separate shelters.
They refused to be parted
and were denied services,
so they had to live on the street.
They hustled cans during the day
redeemed for five cents apiece,
slept in abandoned buildings at night.

It didn't take very long
for this young couple
to look and smell like derelicts,
ignored or scorned by others
while trying to survive
on discomforting streets,
each day more hope eroded,
bodies wearying
in the struggle to survive,
too tired to even wonder
why they were exiled
from America.

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Street People II
An old Chinese woman,
face inscrutable
from suffering, isolation
in an alien land,
plods discomforting streets
pushing her shopping cart
bulging with coke cans,
a night's supper
if exchange is fortuitous,
passes a sports bar
temporary occupants
crowded together outside
drinking, smoking, cursing, flirting,
none noticing rapid transit
of the invisible woman.

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Fine Art III
Spectators sit enthralled
at bidding wars
in auction houses
peddling used paintings
to those too ignorant
to buy new art.
The monetary struggle
for acquisition
is an entertainment
provided by the wealthy
for approval of their peers,
deluding themselves
they are exercising taste,
spending millions
on alien artifacts
beyond their comprehension.

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Due Process

A soldier served in Afghanistan,
did his duty,
looked out for his buddies,
watched some of them
get wounded, crippled, die.
But he survived his tour,
made it home alive.

Much to his surprise
while he was gone
the bank foreclosed his small ranch,
where he planned to teach his sons
the outdoor life.

His wife and sons
were living in a trailer
provided by the bank,
a temporary loan
until they resolved
what to do with him.

The law protected a soldier
serving overseas
from having his property foreclosed,
but that didn't stop the bank
from selling his ranch to someone else,
who refused to give it back.

The soldier served his country well,
yet was deprived of his rights
by a callous corporation
whose decision-makers worst peril
was from hot coffee in the morning,
unconcerned with living conditions
of a desperate family,
while their lawyers glibly promised
to solve the problem any day now.

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The soldier drives his pick-up truck
around the ranch every night,
loaded rifle in the gun rack,
simmering with growing anger
at the bank, the new owner,
the system that betrayed him,
returning to the trailer
seeing the hurt on his wife's face,
unable to answer his sons' question:
"When are we going home, Dad?"
He does not sleep at night
lying awake thinking about the ranch,
his family crammed into a trailer,
miserable, but not complaining,
and he begins to wonder
when he'll pick up his weapon
and visit the bank,
the new owner.

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Gary Beck/Internet Yearnings and other poems
Portrait III
Young stockbroker
reaping crops of cash,
enthralls his mentors
avid for a manna man,
membership assured
in a materialistic cult
dedicated to possessions,
purchasable comforts,
privileges of wealth,
admiration
from the envious,
appreciation
from fellow cultists,
as the pleasures of existence
obliterate concern
for the welfare of others.

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Gary Beck has spent most of his adult life as a theater director, and as an art dealer
when he couldn’t make a living in theater. He has 12 published chapbooks and 1
accepted for publication. His poetry collections include: Days of Destruction (Skive Press),
Expectations (Rogue Scholars Press). Dawn in Cities, Assault on Nature, Songs of a Clerk,
Civilized Ways, Displays, Perceptions, Fault Lines, Tremors and Perturbations (Winter
Goose Publishing) Rude Awakenings and The Remission of Order will be published by
Winter Goose Publishing. Conditioned Response (Nazar Look). Resonance (Dreaming
Big Publications). Virtual Living (Thurston Howl Publications). Blossoms of Decay
(Wordcatcher Publishing). Blunt Force and Expectations will be published by
Wordcatcher Publishing. His novels include: Extreme Change (Cogwheel Press), Flawed
Connections (Black Rose Writing), Call to Valor (Gnome on Pigs Productions) and
Sudden Conflicts (Lillicat Publishers). State of Rage will be published by Rainy Day Reads
Publishing, Crumbling Ramparts by Gnome on Pigs Productions. His short story
collections include, A Glimpse of Youth (Sweatshoppe Publications) and. Now I Accuse
and other stories (Winter Goose Publishing). His original plays and translations of
Moliere, Aristophanes and Sophocles have been produced Off Broadway. His poetry,
fiction and essays have appeared in hundreds of literary magazines. He currently lives in
New York City.

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