2017 Pro

PRO FANTASY
FOOTBALL LEAGUE

2017 – 2018 Fantasy Season 6th Year Running

Introduction page

It’s the Professional Fantasy Football Leagues Six year running. With the loss of one owner
who was with us for 3 years we have brought back two time super bowl champion and only
back to back winner Robbie Nuetzhorn (Spelling? Idgaf). He will be inheriting Ryan Barras’s
old team and has already been talking about trades he will never respond too, making crude
comments like “Bobby Ruined my old team” even though he knows he abandoned it once
the arrow was pointing down. Robbie was recruited by all the other owners who were tired of
Derek and Shane winning all the seasons since Robbie left in hopes they can bring some
redemption to the Northern half of the Western United states who is desperately hanging on
for a chance to win it all.

All I can say is I hope they don’t erect any statues, because once the Southern US players
establish yet another victory there will be talk about whether we should tear them down.

Enough of that – Its go time boys – pucker your assholes because we are all in for one
good fucking season.

Translated for Shane:

      
         

         
         
     

        
        
       
        

        
        
         
         
       
        
         

           
        
      
        
     

          
         
 

Draft 2017

Last year’s 5th annual draft was such a blast in Las Vegas we had to do
it again. This year, the draft will be held Saturday September 2nd at
some time during the day that I don’t particularly want to look up
right now. Last year’s draft gave us gems like “Bobby wanting to fight
Rumple”, “Spencer’s “Aaron Rodgers Rant” and Petey making the
best beer bitch I’ve ever had! (until he wasn’t). This year we decided
to move the weekend activities to Saturday – Sunday since “Everyone
has Monday off already” (Rumple). Except poor Bobby, Allstate
clearly doesn’t take care of it’s employees like Geico.

Insurance Giants rivalry is officially a thing – and something we can
follow in the loser bracket. We have two suites booked for those
dates and now because everyone decided they couldn’t wait – we
have one booked for Friday too.

Last year we saw a record price for a rookie with a whopping $67
spent on Zeke Elliot. This years RB class is quite thick – will we see the
same high prices for the likes of Fournette or McCaffrey? Rookie WRs
still seem to be lower on the pay scale with only a few being picked
up and none really being worth mentioning as having much of an
impact – oh wait undrafted Tyreek Hill ran Shane to the superbowl
win – so that’s sure telling. Corey Davis and Mike Williams are both
nursing injuries – will one of them be able to pick it up? Will this
year’s WW gem be another rookie or will Teams begin to reserve
spots on their bench for rookie deep keepers.

There isn’t much room at the top of the Free agency
pool. Only AJ $$$ green is available as a top stud and it
drops off there realllllly quick. Maybe Watkins, but only
because I feel the need to mention at least one other
guy.

2017 – 2018 Pro League Coaches and Records!

Zachary Renn – 6 years – Oh Great Commissioner
Always the Bridesmaid, never the bride

TACTFUL TEMPEST

• 2 time Superbowl runner up
• 4 time playoff appearance
• Professional listening to league members

whine therapist.

Zachary, an inaugural member finally had his playoff
appearance run end last season after putting up a
miserable and Franchise worst 5-8. In an attempt to
rebound his worst season ever Zachary will be
keeping the most players he’s ever kept, a QB even
though he is adamantly against doing just that, and
his main Bae Kenny Britt who put up his best season
ever in his 3 team – 8 year career, which means hes
totally in his prime.

Zach will likely take the same strategy he had last
year, over paying for a rookie RB who he will probably
trade to a contender after he realizes he probably
can’t make the playoffs again.

After securing whichever RB he believes is best he will
likely fill out his roster paying $1 for players other
people are bidding on just to annoy them during the
draft.

All things aside, its should be commended that Zach poached all the best
players from Ricky and Derek’s Fantasy leagues six years ago creating the
most entertaining, competitive, and top heavy league I’ve ever seen.

Here’s to another year making it to the playoffs where whomever else
happens to make it knows you literally cannot win a super bowl so its
basically only a 5 man playoff run.

Derek Renn – 6 years – The League Crier

2016 Superbowl Champion

Tomato Tomato

• Knocked out of playoffs and back to back
championship due to record setting single
player score
o Still bitter

• Setting record for the highest cost keep
player who incidentally is suspended half
the season.

• Boom / bust fantasy Coach

Widely expected to have a repeat season
championship Derek got off to a really slow start
with Watkins and Hopkins not producing at their
expected output. Drafted Aaron Rodgers for really
cheap thus creating the best Spencer rant we’ve
experienced. Sold keeper players for a last ditch
effort to win the season and was knocked out due
to Leveon Bell dropping a record setting score.

Dereks in a bit of a crunch as he has money to
round out his roster however, due to a preseason
injury and a suspension his star players may again
cause him to get off to a very slow start. Id expect Derek’s draft strategy to be closely guarded and not
talked at all during this column simply because he knows Chris would likely copy it.

An underdog this season, his team has dropped off the scary radar and is
likely to be a wildcard draw or just outside looking in as he plays it a bit
safer this year.

Bobby Hardy – 3 years – The League Nobody

Almost won a bet for Zach last season

Jesters of Tortuga

• Literally no other accolades

Bobby, widely known as the best as many
games, is not even close to that title in Fantasy
Football. Clearly still trying to figure out how to
research players and predict their seasons
Bobby is keeping players no other team would
likely keep. Banking on a Cleveland Browns RB
is a really good summation of his usual season
and expectations for his team is quite low.

His expected draft strategy could go three
different ways. He has the capital to pull in two
top stud players that could hopefully bring up
his team while its filled out with depth from his
keepers. He would need to find value at other
positions if he blows his wad early. A second
strategy is to find the value players and look to
the future as he finds long term keepers for
future hopes at being competitive. Finally his
last draft stragey, and the most likely, is to
show up to the draft drunk and forget to draft anyone of any value for the first 20 rounds, freak out and
the draft a bunch of losers for way too much and have a repeat of last season.

A highlight in Bobbys Fantasy career is Zach made a bet with him that he
and Zach would have a better overall record then Derek and Spencer,
which he quickly failed at losing both of them $50.

Bobby plans to have a better team and like the legendary Gus Bradley says
“Get better everyday” shooting for a .500 record and calling his season a
success, while the Southern US teams silently hopes he moves to Utah so
they don’t have to include him in parties anymore.

Shane Luhr – 6 years – 2015/2017 SBowl Champion

Only wins when the Steelers win

Papy VonLongshot

• Two Time Superbowl Champion – lets everyone
know

The current League Champion is letting his roster
shake up a bit as he drops more studly players to
keep some upside players at a good keeper cost.
This leaves him with a very nice amount of draft
capital to fill out the rest of his roster with some
nice players.

Shane strategy could fail as he is relying on
several players who have ?s. Hill was a rookie
wonder but can he handle WR1 duties with the
release of Maclin? Bryant is coming off a year
suspension and may not quite be up to speed,
can he be more then a boom player? And finally
Leveon bell is cursed and will probably fall of the
board of fantasy relevance because he sucks and
I hate him.

Shane is very excited to attend the draft this year after missing out on all
the festivities. He wants everyone to know that they should look out for his
in person draft strategy and that it’s much more difficult to draft against
him in person. Glad you could make it Shane.

Shane is in a race with Robbie to see who can take the lead in superbowl
rings and to take the official title of Professional League Champion.

Spencer Whiting – 4 years - The League Jester

The Window’s closing

Day Drunk

Another team that was posied to make a
run at the title last season, Spencer failed
to make it to the superbowl and his
keepers are showing his window has
closed. Once having a duo of two of the
better redraft backs his current backfield
exists of injuried, aged, and about to be
replaced RBs. His WRs consist of Aged and
underperforming, while he acquired a TE
who is at the top of his game less games
then Gronkowski during a season.
Spencers team on paper looks okay, but
its tettering on the edge of disaster and it
looks like that’s the way this egg is going
to roll.

Not known for his drafting abilities,
Spencer widly trusts in looking at other
coaches he believes are competitive and
bidding on their players when they place
bids. Then at the end of his day and
looking at his team – he realizes oh boy
what a mistake Ive made.

This year Spencer likely looks to draft a Kicker and Defense early as he probably
already believes his team is very good. If Old man Jordy doesn’t fall off, and If Bortles
can throw passes to Allen Robinson, he may have a competitive team on his hands,
but don’t count on it.

Ricky Simmons – 6 years - The League Statistician
(He’s just usually wrong)

The Budget Man

• Used to have a rivalry – now just exists.
• Only one playoff appearance

A team managed as close to a Moneyball
Scheme as possible, Ricky manages to make sure
he has good value on all his players, but not
necessarily having players that are actually good.
This often leads to over expectations and an
underperforming team. Last year we saw Ricky
ditch some of his older strategies as he made
sure to hold onto one stud (Julio) and build
around him.

This year he acquired the oldest players in
fantasy football who are likely way past their
prime. He already sacrificied on of his
acquisitions this year to the ACL gods – will his

tribute pay off?

Ricky does not have a lot of draft capital to work with and will likely need to
hold off on any bidding as he waits for specific deep targets he would like
to fill his roster out with. I expect a few veterans WR with most his capital
spent on a rookie he really likes.

Chris Romriell – 6 years - The League Trader

He just can’t pull the trigger

The Dankest Knight

• Tries to keep the peace – Its difficult in
this league
• Good at falling in love with his own
players

Chris is another team that is consistently
good on paper and seems to execute
throughout the season, yet is never able
to finish its run. Chris employees a
strategy of showering his players in love
and cheer, hoping they return to him with
lots of points each week so he can give
them the good ol “atta boy”

Chris made his move to acquire his target
running back in the offseason rather then
hoping for the best during the draft –
what appears to be a good move thus far
as he locked up a top back and there are
just not that many left in the Free Agency.
Only time will tell how long until Shady is injured, Giving Chris headaches every game day of not being
sure if Shady is actually starting.

Chris’s draft strategy is to show up and do nothing because he has no
money to spend.

Jake Allen – 6 years -- The League Peasant

But everyone loves him!

U Madden?

• Finally stopped keeping Dallas players
• Had a strong season run winning his

division last year

Jake is a league favorite due to his friendliness and
overall good cheer when he inevitable loses. Jake’s
ability to get over the offseason “I hate this league
and want to quit” bug is quite impressive as he
continues to bring much in the way of flavor and
content, but little in the way of competiveness.

Jake’s seems to have come together as he made
his first playoff appearance and has his arrow
pointing up with valued keepers and a young team
that appears to be coming to its peak. At least
that’s what he tells himself when he looks at it. In
reality over performance by two sub par RBs and 3
WRs who constantly fall at the bottom of the “top
tier” for run first teams and poor QB play managed
to sneak him into the playoffs to keep his optimism
high.

Jake has a reasonable amount of money left for the draft but I fully expect
him to get caught up in draft Euphoria and throw all his cash at a player he
probably doesn’t need. If he manages to hold on he will probably outbid
Ricky and Chris on their deep players by a solid $1 to fill out his roster
causing them angst and himself great joy.

Robby Nuetzhorn - 4 years – The League “Guy who
thinks he’s good but really got lucky when the
league was still figuring out its rules”

Dumps his team when it starts to suck

• Two time Luck Champion

A returning back to back superbowl
Champion, Robbie returns to the league at the
bidding of all other owners who want Derek
and Shane to stop winning. Robbie’s two
superbowl wins came against Derek and
Shane early in the league when it was still
getting its personality figured out. Robbie
quickly did a hit it and quit it when his team
didn’t threepete and was on a spiral
downward (much like Spencers team without
the winning superbowls).

Robbie inherits a very young team with
potential stars, however a change in head
coaching could be a culture shock for the
players who have many ?s. Can he fill out his
roster and bring the team over the hump of
inadequacy?

Robbie has a very large chunk of change coming into the draft and I expect
him to make a splash just after star players have gone. This will give his
money more leverage and allow him to pick high end players at a lower
cost rounding out a very normalized roster. Or he could just get very
confused and not know what to do since he has not participated in a PRO
draft with auction based keeper values.

Doug Dixon – 3 years - The League Dainty

A’Merica

• Still looking to not finish last in his
division
• Doesn’t look good.

Doug is still trying to find a way to keep his
team from being a dumpster fire each
season. Underperforming, injuries, and
lack of studs has kept Doug from elevating
the poor team he inherited.

Doug’s team is likely to be very young but
a big question mark as far as
competitiveness to the other teams. Some
people may really like his players, others
probably wont – leaving him all over the
board in rankings until about week three
when he’s riding the 0-3 wave into soul
crushing darkness.

Doug’s team needs are all over his chart as all his keepers are projected
to be tier 2 or lower players. Desperately in need of a Stud I expect Doug
to go large on one of the few top end names left in the draft while
rounding it out with several high end and over rated rookies.

Scott Rumple – 5 years -- The League Mayor

Kickers are for Chumps, But I <3 Defenses

Team Gordon Bombay

So after seeing Rumple’s team almost completely
filled and still having a whooping $84 to spend on
the rest of his team. I just had to ask? Is the team
dumping after not making the playoffs paying off
the last two years? Well, when I went to go look at
transactions I couldn’t find them so I’m going to go
with a nope and just assume he’s keeping all these
players because he needs a good pool to drop
after he doesn’t make playoffs this year.

Striking gold with Michael Thomas seems to really
be paying off as he has established a baseline to
start building his team around. Unfortunately Scott
made the mistake of thinking the rest of his
players were good as well and instead of spending
a large pool of money on proven vets he will
continue to be middling team that bothers people
throughout the year with occasional wins that
amount to nothing.

Given the roster of his team I expect Scott to lock up a QB early and then wait
on filling out the roster and ending the draft with the most amount of money
left over.

Scott Peterson – 4 years -- The League ???

The best beer bitch

Fig Newtons

While I don’t particularly care for the
players Petey decided to target with his
draft early strategy, I do really like the
idea behind it. By locking up players he
wants early and slightly overpaying for
them he is able to create his team in the
offseason rather then reacting to how
the draft plays out.

An exciting idea that definitely has merit
as it doesn’t require competition with
similar strategies, it will be interesting on
how it plays out throughout the season.
Petey has a solid building block for
several years in David Johnson and if he
plays his cards right his window may just
now be appearing.

Using most of his capital to acquire players Petey has just enough cash left
over to fill out his roster. Once we see all the studs off the board and
everyones draft capital around the same numbers I expect Petey to round
out his team with Depth and deep targets he hopes can spur his team to
the next level.

Incoming Rookies

• Leonard Fournette – RB - (Jaguars)

• Looks a lot older than 22
• Not on a very good team
• Probably over drafted
• Joe Mixon – RB – (Bengals)

• Doesn’t look like he beats women, but definitely does
• Kicked Jeremy Hill in the leg to gain the starting spot
• Typical Bengals player
• Probably Drafted by Spencer via Rumple osmosis
• Christian McCaffrey – RB – (Panthers)

• Is White and not a QB
• Lols

• Corey Davis – WR – (Titans)

• Is the 84th WR on the Titans Team
• Took preseason off to eat cheeseburgers
• Mike Williams – WR – (Chargers)

• Healthy and ready to play week one
• Will steal all the targets from Keenan Allen
• Waiting for Antonio Gates to retire like the rest of the world.

Fun Facts!
<Zach will provide this>