Lores of Heart

मेोहɬत म” िेनकलेी \ई फल
हेै इª तेो ले ल ह*
इª तेो ले ल ह*"

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14

- (िआदÆ की कं ध पर ह थ रख कर नयन बोली) म” तो आ7
नहे ी ें \ उसकेी तरह भेी नहेी,ें म” नयने \ें ..मेरे
से थ देो™ेी करेोगे आिेदÆ? मेझकेो अपने पहले तेो
नहे ी ें आखरेी ªे र दे पे ओगे?

िआदÆ न कछ नही ं बोल ... नैन को गल लग कर एक नयी
उªेीद ले ये ।

// ªे र एक िेजें दगेी हेै जेो िेकसेी और केी नहेी
बनसकतेी... लेिेकन िेकसेी केो ªे र करके खेो
ने के बे द भेी िेकसेी से ªे र हो सकत है ऐसी
कह नी छोड़ गय - ' आ7िेष - िआदÆ - नयन '//

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Sreya Saha

Sreya Saha, 20, is currently pursuing a major in English Honours from
Shri Shikshayatan College. She is a passionate Bharatanatyam
dancer and loves to write, read and travel. She loves to write about
herself, and what makes the person she is. She tries to be herself, to be
passionate about her dreams and hobbies, she lives honestly, and work
hardtoachieve allthatshewantsto make. Beingenergetic andlively,
she loves making new friends. While many people feel awkward and
weird, making friends, she never faced problems for making new
friends. Shecantalk to everyonequicklyandknowthem. Herhobbyis
to listen music. It has been years since it has become her hobby and she
really do not know since when it became her prime interest. She loves
to dance. Dance makes her feel free and she expresses herself well
through dancing. She is a person with a good heart, soft but strong
unapologetic and honest.

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16

Interplay of Darkness and Light

There is darkness and there is light. There is
negativity and there is positivity. None of these are
intrinsically bad or good. Just as electricity doesn't exist
without both a negative and positive charge, both
darkness and light are necessary for us to engage with
the experience of life in this universe.

If there were only light, I suspect life and
existence would be infinite boredom. If there were only
one divine being in existence with no diversity, nothing
else to interact with you and I would not exist as separate
entities to interact with each other And if all were
darkness, we could not see or experience anything either.
We would be completely unconscious or not exist. And
remember that all the darkness in the world cannot put
out the light of a single candle.

We need both light and dark. As any good
photographer will tell you, it is the contrast of light and
shadows which creates beauty and mystery. It is the
interplay of light and darkness and the infinite rainbow
of colors and gradations that can be created from the two
that give life its richness.

Could it be that life is most harmonious and
joyful when we welcome both light and darkness and

180

find a harmonious balance between the two? Could this
be the middle path which is such an essential part of
Buddhism? Could it be that when we learn to transcend
duality, to dance in the cracks between and beyond light
and darkness, we can have more fun? And remember
that between the polarities of dark and light there is an
infinite rainbow of fascinating colors and hues.

181

Scribbled Thoughts

Last night I was thinking about ink. When rain
falls on a handwritten page, the ink spreads out a bit,
loses its crispness. It's rarely pleasant but every now and
then, hidden colours emerge. Suddenly you discover that
simple black ink is green and shades of blue, white and a
fragile pink edge. If some being creates us or writes the
stories of our lives, this ink crafts it all.

That was my passing thought as I lay asleep. So,
I wrote it down. Many good ideas were coming but they
disappeared without a chance to bloom, I chose to
capture mine, and to pursue them too.

The notebook next to my bed has no theme
beyond that-the ideas set down in it range from life
strategies to quickly sketched designs for artwork,
quotations to just about anything, to personal goals
maybe, while some of the sheets host sculptural designs
inspired by lines in the palm of my hand. Satires of
various family members flood nine pages. One idea
asserts the optimum way for a restaurant to serve ice
cream sundaes.. Now it maybe I never build the fountain
I've imagined. But here's the thing I don't wait around
when creative thoughts seize me. I leap at them
impulsively, intuitively. If I am composed of ink, the
black conglomerate shows that I have been an outgoing

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leader and academically successful. A hundred hundred
inks look no different. Yet diffract me: the shades of
blue are my ever branching interests, the emerald green
glow is my pulsing energy, the shades of white are my
vigorous passion to create and my ceaseless drive to
achieve and the pink edge, that's the secret key, the most
hidden yet most integral, the uniting, driving force
behind it all, it's my enjoyment.

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Srijani Basu
This is Srijani Basu, from Kolkata, managing to complete her
graduation in Mathematics. She is madly in love with the city
and loves to exploretheworld of pixiedust and miracles.

184

Cerulean Skies and Unsaid Goodbyes

I like days bright and sunny, skies blue(r) than
what it actually is. The sunrays, warmer than wool, bring
some life to my dead skin, and make me feel alive.

I like the clouds hovering over the tall pine trees,
ain't those like the existence of some people in our life.
One moment it's there and seconds later it's gone.

I talk to the clouds, of how beautiful they are,
how soft and innocent they look and how it's like, tasting
freedom, for I'm trapped in my own body, it's a vessel
for my mayhem that carries tarnished emotions and
smudged memories, unsaid goodbyes and uncertain
miseries.

But before I can ask more, they all edge away
leaving the enormous blue sky motionless above. I sit
alone in my room, overlooking the outstretched green
meadow, sipping on my melancholy. Bittersweet
memories, filling up my cup of cold coffee and warm
hugs, shattered dreams and long lost love.

And slowly the day bleeds into nightfall,
thousands of stars adorn the sky and I hopelessly count
them as I know it would never end. My body becomes a
grave of fireflies and I sip my seventh cup of tea. It's
cold, like my dead skin, which awaits for the first ray of
sunshine of the next day, to feel alive.

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I like the sky blue(r) than what it actually is. I
draw hope from it, that one day this cerulean sky will
have the brightest rainbow that has ever existed, the
green meadow will bear the brightest sunflowers, and I
will sip on my cup of tea, it will be hot then.

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Letters to Nowhere

Dear someone reading this,

I guess you're thinking how dumb can someone
be to put a letter in a bottle and throw it in the sea hoping
that it would reach someone but I guess you have got
your answer. And since you have started reading this,
stick until the end, please?

"I" have always been a loner, cutting out people
from my life, afraid to commit. Maybe that's why,soon, I
ran out of beings with whom I could share things, maybe
grab a lunch, or just sit and talk. I was living in a
structure of cement and bricks but it no longer felt like
home. And apparently, I was too late to fix everything.

"Believe" me, if you ever feel this way, it's okay,
but never close your heart. It's okay if you feel lost and
abandoned, and that you are not worthy for someone to
put their hopes and beliefs in, don't be too tough on life.

"In" a world where every other person is hiding
their scars behind their smiles,when all they want to do
is cry, disappear/or die, you are strong enough to be
vulnerable, to fight. Gulping down fears,of being judged
and called weak by everyone, and being your true
self,you actually win them, and that requires a great deal
of courage and strength. .

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"You" are meant to shine the brightest.
Sometimes it may take time, you may judge your own
self, you may fear to fail, you may worry about our
blurry future, but one day everything will get figured
out. You will feel proud of yourself and people will love
you for who you are.

And if you are still feeling lonely and
despondent, trace back and read the quoted words of
each paragraph. And if I manage to put a smile on your
face, then I would like something in return. Put the letter
back in the bottle and pass it on to the next person you
see. For you never know how many people are
frantically searching for a little ray of hope.

Will you do this for me?

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Srotosini Acharyee
Srotosini Acharyee, 17, is currently pursuing Humanities from
Pramila Memorial Institute. She is an avid reader, loves to write,
sing and dance and is an animal lover. Ambivert, outspoken, and
havingavintage heart, sheis inlovewith Literature.Poemsare
her strength, Keats and Wordsworth being her favourite. She is a
classic old school romantic, believes in handwritten letters rather
than long text messages and aspires to make a difference in the
society someday through her words.

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The Court of Emotions

Today Love was meeting Lust for the very first
time in the HOUSE OF FEELINGS. Everyone was
present in the court – Empathy, Anger, Frustration,
Hatred, Pain, Happiness and so on. The judge, that is,
Pride was sitting on this royal desk. The seven Sins as
jury members were also present. Pride said, “I ask Love
and Lust to present themselves in the witness box.”

First, Love entered wearing a crimson red gown,
adorned with flowers from head to toe. She was looking
more beautiful than Paradise itself. Well, why shouldn’t
she? She was the daughter of Aphrodite!

Pride asked, “So, Love, there has been an
allegation against you put out by Lust. She says that you,
my dear, are no longer trustworthy. You, like a butterfly,
are just hovering in hearts but not creating any impact. Is
it true?”

Love was staring at Lust who stood on the other
end with a wicked smirk on her face. With a pause, Love
replied, “Yes, your majesty. It is true.”

Lust shrugged with confidence. Pride asked, “May I
know why?”

Now, the epic battle between Love and Lust proving
each other started.

Love is a feeling that knows no bounds,

But sire, Lust made it look so cruel.

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Lust is just a deep down epiphany,
A craving that humans want,
And she says, I ruined her business.
She broke hearts, sire,
In my name.
She ruined lives that people committed suicides.
And yet she stands there like a pretty doll,
Who pretends to not know her fault.
Lust giggled and smirked,
And asked Love to mind her attitude.
It was not her fault that no one trusted Love anymore.
She just overpowered human emotions,
Because virtue and belief in human minds were lore.
If the human mind is confused, it’s not her fault.
Love angry, cursed Lust.
Love asked Lust,
If the price of trusting someone leads to heartbreak,
Well, I don’t want to stay in a heart such,
Where there is no respect and such emotions, fake.

191

Lust happily said, no darling,
It’s not fake emotions,
People are scared because Love is delusional.
Love is eternal, but does it also mean sacrifice?
Where is the completion of two bodies-one soul?
Nobody lived in Love, you know why?
Love tearily stared.
Lust continued, “Well that is because Love,
You loved Death!”
“Don’t you remember the promises you made?
The eternal theory of not being able to be separated?
Well, now Love you see, Those who loved truly, never
lived wholly.”

Love was dumbfounded. Yes, she did love Death
eternally but alas! Death took a toll and killed her
existence as well.

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Alternate Reality
We are living a dream that is ours,
Now, we don’t have to count the hours;
It is all rainbows and scented flowers.
We are together and forever is not far,
Now, our feelings are not bottled in a jar;
It is all tuned in melodies of a strumming guitar.
We are not insecure about each other,
Because we are lost in each other’s smolder;
It is all about the feeling of love in summer.
We are not counting days that we haven’t talked,
Because each path, mutually enough, we have walked;
It is all like Cupid has finally knocked.
We aren’t the best, we know through our flaws,
Accepting each other is what states the love laws;
It is all what a ‘happy ending’ foresaw.
We are living in an alternate reality,
God is just modifying his creativity;
It is all about understanding the actual morality.

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Sruthi Ajit
Sruthiis a self taughtartistand adesigner by profession buther
keenness in writing had always been there since childhood. She
writes to inspire and motivate others with happiness. Her biggest
dream is to spread happiness and see that shine in their eyes.

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Hush Baby Girl

It's dark down here, Mama.
I feel frightened and alone.
However, my fear is appeased by thought,
Of snuggling up to your loving bosom soon.

My tiny little fingers,
Seem impatient to clasp yours.

The little heart within me,
Pounds excitedly, as the D-day nears.

I dream to be daddy’s princess,
And get pampered with love.

I just can’t wait,
To live this beautiful life you are gifting me.

I fail to express my gratitude,
To you, for creating me.

I will be a good child mama,
I promise, I shall.

I feel like a good flower ready to bloom,

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Please don’t nip me in the bud.
If I'm a daughter.

This is how I was meant to be,
How am I to be blamed?

The smothering hatred outside,
Feels darker than the darkness here...

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Taj Gangopadhyay
Currently an ISC student eagerly waiting for his boards, Taj
loves to escape reality with his writings. An aspiring chef, he
enjoys cooking in his free time, is a major foodie, loves
photography and wants to see the nation free of all its crises.

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मेरे %ा ल ंो की #िातम

तरी यह महफज़ आंख”,
VबV मर आंखों स होगई।
िेदल म” जेो थे हमे रे ªे र
के शें के, एक झटकम” गम हो

गय ।

हम देोनेो केो से थ म˙*ने दे खे थे
िेकतने सपनेो म”,क श वो सच हो प त तो
स थ हम अभ हो त। तर %े लों कचच´ म” बीत

गई िेदन, हो गई र त,
मेोहɬत मेरेी इन महफे ज़ आखेोें ने मेझे बेहप5े

से बने िेदये

तेरेी वेो नमकेीन मेªे
रे हट, मर िेदल को छकर
िेनकलज ए।

198

त यह दख क हंस पड़ी,
इस तरफ हम तड़प क मर ज ए।
िेजतनी भी द र त ®ेोें न ज ए,

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तर स थ हम कभी न छोड़”ग।
तर पीछ परी दिेनय घम ल”ग
वोह महफ ज आंखों की तल श म”।

मेरे ªे र केो ते
ने समझ कम और दर हम”

मत धकल दन
एक ब र वो खबसरत हसी हस दन तर

िेदल म” हमश बस ज य”ग।

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Tapatya Basak
Tapatya Basak, 19, is currently studying in class 12 from
Pramila Memorial Institute. He prefers to read inspirational
books and has a knack for delivering lectures. He loves stability
and finds comfort in consistency and his strength lies in
analyzing keen details before strategizing any project or event.
He is a good finisher and faces all the hardships. He knows how
to use his diplomacy and resourcefulness to move things in the
right direction.

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Lumière Du Jour
Sauntering through a narrow muddy path

Amidst of the eerie woods,
When I heard some uncanny crisp sounds
Like footsteps crushing dry and withered leaves.

Sharp-eyed, I looked around me
Expecting to find someone nearby
"Who's there?" I yelled in the air
But when I turned around, I found none.

The rain has been consistent for weeks
It made this gap, quite damp and chilly

I tried to leap over muddy puddles
Some I succeeded, others got me soaked.

The imprints in the woods was long and dark
Sometimes the sun would sneak in

Glaring some light on the rugged path

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Finally I reached a sombre, spooky tunnel.

I could hear heart's dribbling drumbeat
Both knees were shaking uncontrollably
I was already thinking of turning my back
Lifting audible gasps to calm my nerves.

With a reliable flashlight in my right hand
I started walking through the dark aisle
Maybe I could search an easier path
But something tells me I have to do this.

From the very start, I already knew
Someone is watching over me

I'll never give up at my lowest point in life
Someday I'll see the lumière du jour at the end of the

tunnel.

202

Betrayed
The desiccated inkpot,

A dead pinion
And a heap of
Yellowing pages.
Kept unruffled
Across the desk,
She no longer sits
Upon the back chair,
She no longer writes.
All that remained
Was her love slashed heart.
Writing in own stories
With driblets of her
Betrayed blood as
Solitude, loneliness,
Anguish and despair
Became her new reader.

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Tiyaasha Acharya Chaudhury
Tiyaasha loves to write, and loves spending time with her
friends. She is a passionate animal lover.

204

Depression
I don’t really know how to define the feeling,

There is this non-existing yet very much existential
breathlessness inside me,

This feeling where the entire world seems to be falling
apart,

And I am caught in a circle,

An unbelievably surprisingly messed-up circle.

It does not take a turn for the better,

It just continues to worsen things.

Every time, I convince myself to not lose hope as better
days are yet to come,

I find myself back at the starting point.

And I know for a fact that I am not able to go through
the same pain, difficulties and loneliness again.
That I’ve had enough.
But I don’t have a choice,

I need to succumb to the mental and physical trauma
that life makes me go through,

I need to maintain a plastic smile on my face all the time
so as to not concern others.

Or maybe, they won’t be concerned either way.

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They are the ones who make me endure this period of
metamorphic death almost throughout my life.

No one bothered to ask me why I was sitting gloomily
and alone at the corner of the class when everyone was

enjoying having lunch with their friends.

No one asked me why I had lost so much of weight in a
week and why there were extraordinary dark circles
under my eyes,

And I am pretty sure they were indicative of something
other than lack of sleep.

Maybe, the condition of not being able to sleep because
of the fear of tomorrow.

I was terrified of human beings and how their trauma
had driven me to insane limits.

Everyday I just looked at the wall in front of blankly for
hours and hours,

I just hoped and prayed for things to get better over the
course of time,

I wished for human beings to live up to the expectations
from ‘human beings’

I wished for somebody to help me,

Somebody to be an angel in disguise,

But all that continued to remain wishes.

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They were all terrible to me and treated me like no one.
Life was not worth it at all.

I could feel my own soul strangling me.
Everything around me was grey but I didn’t lose hope,

Because maybe
Just maybe,

That last iota of hope
Would result in me finding my angel in disguise and

coming out of this very dark, disturbing, killing,
traumatising,

demotivating phase that my fellow ‘human beings’ made
me go through.

This phase is called depression.

207

Utsa Roy
Utsa Roy is presently a student at BITS Pilani Hyderabad
Campus doingherbaccalaureate inPharmacy.Sheisenthusiastic
in writing and painting. She is deeply interested in research and
hence inclined in pursuing research in her future.

208

The Yearning for Momentary Bliss

Sitting on the dark alley in the cold dark winter
night, immersed in deep thought about this journey, I
took all these years in my life. Has it been worth it?
Have I wasted it all, or do I still have a chance to correct
myself? I know what I have done cannot be forgiven.
Maybe a part of me actually believes that I got what I
deserve but is it even fair. All I wanted was a little bit of
happiness, some guidance, maybe love, but it spirals
down to a feeling of nothingness and despair every time.
I hope not everything gets wasted, and I make something
out of my terrible, inconsequential life where nothing
matters anymore. I hope there is some way out of this
vicious cycle.

I was born in the year 1999. Not everything in
my life had been so wrong as it is now. Not everything
seemed so hopeless and lonely as it feels now. Life had
been way better with two loving parents and my
grandma, whom I often visited during holidays. It was in
sixth grade when things started changing. I was
diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, and
sometimes, I was also hospitalized for panic attacks. It
was scary. I would feel like I could not breathe any
longer. My entire respiratory tract would start to close
off, making it difficult for me to respire until a time

209

when everything would plunder into sudden darkness,
and I would collapse. But I coped, somehow. I had few
friends in my school with whom I would share
everything. But my nit-picky nature and OCD often
would come between my friendships. Sometimes, there
would be this sudden outburst of a myriad of emotions
causing me to cut off from everyone. Sometimes this
came out as aggression, and my friends would consider
me rude, leaving me alone.

I started curling myself in and shut myself. I
would put on this facade of being the happy child in
front of my parents, but inside, this heaviness would
prevail just like the thick fog on a cold December night.
I would sometimes lie on my bed all the time at home,
and this enormous amount of exhaustion would be there,
following me like a shadow. My parents would enquire
what happened to me, why I would lie on my bed all the
time, but I would reply to them with the same
monotonous answer that there was too much pressure at
school. I wish I used that opportunity to tell my parents
about the solitude and dejection encircling me.

Anyway, school was a lot of stress, and the
unhealthy rat race often won in killing the students'
creative minds. Hence school was never the best place
for me. I was mediocre in my studies and, therefore,
somehow survived the competition. This phase lasted till
my seventh grade. In my eighth grade, things in my life
went absolute topsy-turvy. This episode of my life would
be the harshest and left me destitute. It made me

210

dependent, but I had no one to depend on. I still
remember how I cried every single night as I embarked
on my adolescence.

Adolescence is when almost every teenager faces
many mental health issues, but it was different in my
case. I was closest to my grandma in our family. She
would always call me to ask me about my day, send
presents and always looked out for me even if she stayed
away from us. I would often wait for my vacations to
visit my grandma throughout the year, and it would be a
break from my mental imprisonment, a sigh of relief just
like the first rain in a scorching summer afternoon. But
when I turned fifteen years old, and after returning from
school, a flash of lightning fell on my head as I received
the news that my grandmother succumbed to death by a
heart attack. My sweet grandmother, the only person I
relied on when everything went wrong, and life felt
terrible, her encouraging words helped me. The
incident's trauma still bothers me to this day, and I regret
not being able to bid the last goodbye.

In the passing days, I saw myself confine and
build larger boundaries around me, making it more
difficult for people to connect to me. The final nail in the
coffin was seeing my mother being paralyzed. She had
an accident, and the doctors declared she would be
paralyzed for the rest of her life. My mother was
somewhat close to me after my grandma, and this
incident broke me from inside, a void that could never be
filled. When I needed my parents the most,

211

circumstances made sure that their existence would
cease in my life. It left us with my dad and me, who
would take care of ourselves and my ailing mother. This
was the time when my inner monsters made me do
things I never thought of doing. My mom was always on
medication, and I used to give it to her timely. And
during this phase, I decided to try some of her
medicines, maybe, to feel better.

The first time, I tried a few depressants. Today I
feel ashamed to declare that, but it gave me relief—those
two seconds of nothingness, the ecstatic bliss relieved
my nerves. It was the first time I felt high and free, truly
untethered from every binding which puts me in the
prison of seclusion. I resent the choice I made, but I felt
vulnerable. I had this immense feeling of returning to it,
to get back to the sense of liberation. Those tiny
moments of absolute nothingness calmed the spiral of
thoughts that used to devour me from inside. At first, it
used to be those painkillers like Vicodin or
amphetamines in smaller doses, which later escalated to
addiction. This was what made everything in my life
terrible more than ever. God knows why I never
understood that my way of tackling things would never
be correct, and I would end up hurting everyone around
me. And I genuinely lack justification for all I have
done. Now at 21, I have stayed clean for two consecutive
years in a row, but there lies this hole that is not empty
but full of regret, neglect, Self-hatred, and a deep scar. I
still feel lonely, I don't have anyone to talk to, but I met
people at the rehab who help me stay clean.

212

My parents have accepted me, but after getting
caught, I know they can never forgive me. I come here in
this dark alley whenever I get this recurring feeling of
loneliness and retrospect. Sometimes, my friends from
rehab meet and discuss, and it helps us a lot because, in
the end, we all know we have to live this life, and
optimism will help us defend these dark shadows. I have
gone to several therapies, and they have helped me a lot,
but sometimes these thoughts and the face of my parents
remind me of all I have gone through and came out clean
and victorious—that tiny piece of achievement fuels my
desire to live and stay happy.

213

Vaishnavi Kulkarni
tfaishnavi is a researcher byday, anda poet bynight. Ittook her
25 years of working with several forms of art to realise that the
best release for her is turning everything into poetry.

214

Empty Promises and Broken Hearts

In the end, our forest is dark.
Your love and light came in to illuminate my broken

path,
I still thank you, I would've never made it this far
We walked together, tumbling on twigs, rocks and dried

leaves
Trying to hold each other through unsteady ground,
I let go so many times, but you never made a sound

Tonight, the moon doesn't shine, the birds have stopped
singing for us

Still, I think about you when I listen to a new song,
Poetry tastes sweeter, but without you, time feels so long

Although you know I'll never let go of my first love,
I wish I could hold you tonight, just for now

We could lay on broken logs, never sleep, maybe just
sing a song?

215

In the end, I have let go. I sit in the dark and think about
us

Maybe we really could've been something,
But you always said we're both cowards (I'm just a wuss)

Still, think about me when you listen to a new song,
My poetry feels sweeter, but with us
Time will never fail to be wrong

I know you'll never let go of your true love,
And we can't hold each other tonight, not now
We could, however, never sleep, and I'll sing you a

song?

216

My Polaris

I close my eyes and think about how much you've
grown,

Tiny hands that used to clutch my fingers, increasingly
becoming bold,

Guiding us through all that we never could've foretold,
My shining little North Star I'm honoured to have
known
I open my eyes to watch you spread your wings and
soar,

You wish we could've just had a little more, maybe just
slightly?

You feel like you've been failed, but as you grow, things
will start to fall into place

(This might not be reassuring, but you'll always have
me)

Your infectious laughter and confidence will forever be
my remedy,

And you, my child, have created a beautiful symphony
out of our tragedy,

I keep telling you this, so don't take it very lightly,

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Taking care of you is a privilege I am proud to have
today

I walk beside you, behind you and look over you You
needn't worry, I'll be your Polaris to guide you through

and through,
For my reason to shine on will always be you

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