DNA Magazine

DNA 51

They are some of the most gifted, engaged, and engaging gays in the village. They also happen to be living with disabilities. Jesse Archer reports on three of the world’s most inspirational. OUT IN PUBLIC, it’s easy to notice the hearing aid, the wheelchair, the seeingeye dog, the little person or the poster of an underwear model who is wearing a prosthetic leg. For many others, their disability is not quite so visible. According to the United Nations, there are an estimated one billion people living with disabilities. They are the world’s largest minority, and yet all too often they are dismissed, ignored – or underestimated. Historically, society has ascribed to this group of people terms that imply helplessness, despair or outright ridicule. Major strides have been made to bridge the gaps in perception, accessibility and opportunity, and much of that is thanks to the hard work and high profile of disability activists themselves. Despite these advances, many consider it bad manners to bring up the obvious or ask prying questions and opt instead to ignore someone who may be deaf, blind, disfigured or in a wheelchair. Others go too far to be accommodating and treat them as precious goods. The late comedian and short-statured activist Stella Young once recalled the time she was at the bank and a well-meaning stranger kept asking if she needed any help. “Yes,” she smarted, “Do you mind giving me a deposit? I’m a bit short this week.” While the gay community is especially critical of perceived flaws, be they physical or mental, real or imagined, we are also some of the first to be inclusive and accepting of others’ differences. Being gay is itself still, in some circles, considered a flaw or limitation, when in fact it is often the key that opens doors to a world of opportunity. The same applies to the gay men featured here; men who have used their differences to break down barriers, foster awareness and redefine what it means to live with purpose. / FEATURE WILLING AND ABLE 52 DNA

SEX WAS THE REASON for my downfall. Ever since I was a kid, I knew I was gay. Throughout my teens, I was afraid to act on it because acting on it would mean it was true. But every man who was fit and who had a good head of hair was a fantasy object. I’d see a guy with his chiseled chest showing through a T-shirt and obsess about him when I was alone. In the middle of the night, when no one could see me, I’d drive to the public library to pick up a gay newspaper to learn about what it meant to be gay. I called the 900 numbers in the back pages, just to talk to gay men. It was 1987. AIDS was all over the news, not just my gay papers. I knew about the transmission of fluids and was afraid to even kiss. Being gay meant dying of AIDS. When I was 17, another 17-year-old-boy invited me over. We worked together at the mall. He was hot. He had a beautiful body and perfect straight black hair. We smoked a joint and he touched my leg. I got very excited. This was what I wanted. It lasted less than a minute and then I pulled up my pants and ran out. I got into my jeep. The top was off and it was raining. I drove home freaking out, crying. I wasn’t sexually active again until I was 21. I didn’t want to be gay in my hometown so I moved to South Beach. I went to the Paragon, a dance club in a huge old theater. The place was packed wall-to-wall with beautiful gay men. I was like “Oh my God, Oh my God, I am not the only one.” I was standing at the bar when I saw this guy. Dark brown hair. Tall. He saw me looking at him. He walked over. He had dimples. He offered to buy me a drink. I was like “okay.” I was ready. And so nervous. The sex was good. But it wasn’t even the sex itself. It was allowing myself the pleasure for the first time. I was free. I was somewhere new and I was someone new. I was finally me. We were together maybe a month and when it ended, I lost all control. All I wanted was to have the most sex and the best sex. I had two or three different partners every day. Sometimes in a bathroom or in a parking lot. I became addicted. The most thrilling part was the hunt. I’d see a guy. I’d see him see me. It was instant gratification. I fooled myself into thinking I was careful. If my cuticles were cracked, I wouldn’t do anything with that hand. If I flossed my teeth and my gums bled, I would not have oral sex that night. I was so afraid of AIDS I couldn’t even talk about it. I assumed, like most gay men, that I was negative. And I assumed that if the guy I was with didn’t bring it up, then he was negative too. I never got tested. I was living in a >> An estimated 300 million people in the world are visually impaired. R David New is one of them. But he’s much more than a man who is blind. Industrious, attractive, gay and successful, the Miami Beach local is improving the lives of others. He shares his unbelievable story, and explains how finding his true potential meant losing sight of everything. I DID IT UNTIL “ I WENT BLIND” David New relaxes at home in South Beach. The doctors asked me if I wanted my parents to leave the room. I said no and then the diagnosis came. I found out I had AIDS and came out to my parents at the same time. DNA 53

54 DNA / FEATURE >> suspended reality. People were dying of AIDS. I was blind. In October of 2000, I was admitted into the hospital for fevers that could not be controlled. When the blood work came back, the doctors asked me if I wanted my parents to leave the room. I said no and then the diagnosis came. I found out I had AIDS and came out to my parents at the same time. To complete the trifecta, it was also my Dad’s Birthday. Although I was told that if I was diligent about taking my medications, everything would be okay, three months later I was rushed to the ER with severe pain. After three spinal taps, I was diagnosed with spinal meningitis. I had developed a lesion on my spinal cord, which caused me to be paralysed from the waist down. I couldn’t move my legs. They loaded me up with narcotics. All of my basic systems began to fail. I lost my hearing. As I lay in the hospital bed, I noticed that the room was getting darker every day; like a shade was being pulled down over my eyes. In a matter of days I was totally and irreversibly blind. I was scared. But my only choices were fight or die. Sometimes, I didn’t know which was worse. After two years in the hospital my parents brought me home. The doctors said I was terminal and suggested hospice care, but my parents wouldn’t accept that. Slowly I healed. It took six months to regain my hearing all the way, and two years before I learned to walk again. I never regained my eyesight. I lost more than my sight. I lost one of the most pleasurable things to me: the beauty of a man, the moment I see a man see me. Sex would never be the same. A couple of years later, I heard about a guy who also went blind from AIDS. I contacted him by phone and for a year, we talked every day for hours. He was still vital and so confident. His voice was deep and sexy. And we had this huge thing in common that almost killed us and left us blind. It was like we shared a secret. He understood me like no one ever had. For the first time, I didn’t care what a man looked like. I wanted sex again, and for the first time, I equated sex with love. Finally, we planned to meet. The day came… and went. He never called and I never heard from him again. It took years after that before I felt ready to date. The experience hurt, but it taught me to see things differently. Now, I connect with men mentally first and then get closer physically. If I feel a bald spot, crazy teeth or a weird body thing, it can be a turn-off, but I’m looking for more than looks. I’m looking for a man who sees me. Really sees me. It’s been 14 years since I got AIDS and went blind. I’m still afraid to have sex. Of course, I’m afraid of contracting other STDs. That would complicate things. But now I’m a person with disabilities. I’m so afraid no one will love me because of them. It’s funny. I see myself as the 17-year-old me. Afraid again, but for different reasons. I used to worry about protecting my body. Now I have my heart to protect. M M M M DNA: Thanks for sharing your story, David. Varicella zoster, the opportunistic infection which nearly killed you, is most commonly known as chicken pox. We don’t think of it as deadly. How many T-cells did you have? R David New: I was told I actually had zero T-cells and that my viral load was over 100,000.  Many people now consider AIDS a manageable annoyance, like asthma. After nearly having died of AIDS complications, does this kind of attitude upset you? It bothers me that no one really understands how quickly it can devastate you. People are still dying and getting sick and now they don’t even understand why. They think it’s okay if they miss their medication. You can go blind, deaf and become paralysed from complications. How are you doing now, health-wise? I am doing very well as my T-cells are at an all-time high of 1,426 and my viral load is undetectable. I have residual effects of the spinal cord injury, some hearing loss in my left ear and still totally blind but I’m in good shape for the most part. You were blind, paralysed and deaf at 30 – but you are no longer paralysed or deaf, is there any hope to regain your eyesight? The top doctors say that there is nothing that can help me, however, they are doing trials now and perhaps in 10 or 20 years I might be a candidate for some new procedures. What gave you the strength to battle on and not give up when so much was lost? My family and friends surrounded me. I never really knew how bad it was. My parents never told me the doctors said I was terminal. My 90-year-old grandmother stood at the foot of my hospital bed and massaged my feet and brought me chicken soup and cookies so I would gain weight and get well. You were a visual artist when you lost your sight – what did you then transition into? I started to use the other side of my brain like never before. I had skills that I didn’t know I had. I became more focused and wanted to learn new things so I went back to school for law. I still am very creative and recently designed my home to reflect my taste. I still Most people have a great fear of blindness. On many occasions I have had strangers say to me that if they were blind they would kill themselves. Actor and keynote speaker, Steve Guttenberg poses with David at the Ability Explosion luncheon. In his speech (which can be seen on YouTube), Guttenberg recalled how Hollywood rejected him repeatedly for being too short, too Jewish or not good looking enough.

DNA 55 love working with different mediums such as glass, fabric and technology. Did you learn Braille? How long did that take? It only took me about a month to learn the alphabet. It’s only a matter of memorisation for the basics. It takes a great deal of concentration and I would have never been able to learn it unless I was completely blind. The dots are so small and only people congenitally blind can read it fluently. I designed a T-shirt with puffy paint in Braille, which I make everyone feel. It says, “Touch Me”. What about technology, how do you read emails? Is it through a computerised voice? I use special screen-reading software that reads the text aloud to me. There is a similar program on my iPhone called VoiceOver. Whenever I touch the screen, it tells me what I am touching. Unfortunately, not all websites and apps are accessible with these programs. I spend a lot of time trying to convince people at large companies such as Facebook and Google that all they have to do is label links and buttons with text when they are creating their sites and apps. It seems that they would rather pay their lawyers millions of dollars than do something that has no cost, which would only take a second, and would bring a disenfranchised group of people from all around the world together. You mention having been obsessed with ogling men previously. You still work out at Crunch gym in Miami, home to some worldclass, body-obsessed beauties. How do you relate to them now? It’s very difficult to find guys who can get past the disability no matter what I look like. I mostly see people on the inside now before I see them on the outside. Of course, strippers are the exception to that rule! [Laughs] So what’s the single most annoying thing people do or ask people who are blind? Most of the time when I go anywhere with a friend such as a store or restaurant, the employee will address my friend and not me directly. It’s as if they think I have some kind of cognitive impairment and would not be able to understand them. I think that most people have a great fear of blindness. On many occasions I have had strangers say to me that if they were blind they would kill themselves. I feel as though I am a better person for it and have only realised my potential as a human being from having had this experience of losing my sight. Do you believe you would have ever realised your full potential with sight? It’s hard to say but I have a proclivity toward no. It just seems that losing my sight forced me to focus on things that I wouldn’t have had the patience to concentrate on. Often times it is the thing that is hard that holds the most meaning and reaps the best rewards. Did your friendships change after you nearly lost your life and through your recovery? I had many friends who I hadn’t spoken to in years who suddenly came to my bedside when I was at my worst. I also had lifelong friends who could not deal with my illness and disappeared when things started to get really bad. When I began to recover, the ones who ran away began to resurface. I learned the true meaning of the phrase, “fairweather friends”. What did you take away from that? Did these fairweather friends ever apologise or come around? I learned that everyone is different in crisis situations. I kept them at bay for many years and then finally decided to let them back into the conversation. I will not count on them, though. It was the worst kind of betrayal and very hard to forgive. I tried to think what I would have done in that situation and I don’t know how I would have acted before >> There is not the great divide between us that they think there is. If you close your eyes right now, you are having the same experience as me. The Mayor of Miami, Philip Levine, spends some time experiencing what it’s like to be blind in his city.

56 DNA / FEATURE >> my trauma but now I wouldn’t hesitate to be there for a friend. Having gone blind later in life, do you consider having known sight at one point in your life more of a challenge or less? It is definitely better to have seen and lost than to have never seen at all. I relish my memories and still have a very visual esthetic. People who are born blind are incapable of grasping certain concepts and I think this gives an advantage to people like myself who are adventitiously blind. Do you know any congenitally blind gay men? I’m curious to know how they discovered they were gay? Usually we discover that visually, so I wonder how that sexual awakening happens. I know it’s not your experience, but can you share your understanding of it? I do know gay men who were born blind. I honestly do not know how they came to terms with their sexuality but I know from my own experience that wanting to be with a man is not just a visual experience. It can be physical and tactile and is deeply rooted in one’s essence. It is a feeling and a desire and it is what you are comfortable with when you are true to yourself. Do you consider blindness a disability? What is the preferred terminology? Without a doubt, being blind presents me with challenges. Everyone has challenges and must find ways to work around them. The politically correct term now is “People With Disabilities”. We put the word ‘people’ first because we are talking about people, not disabilities. For example, you would say ‘a person who is blind’ or ‘a person who uses a wheelchair’. You started the awareness campaign, Ability Explosion, where you get others walking in the shoes of a person with a disability. You even blinded the Mayor of South Beach and the Chief Of Police and led them around so they could experience what it’s like. What do you most hope people learn from this? I hope people will come to understand that there is not the great divide between us that they think there is. If you close your eyes right now, you are having the same experience as me. How would you deal with it? Don’t be afraid to think about it. It’s incredible how much we take for granted, for example, how difficult it was for the police chief to simply to find the button on the elevator. How is it getting around South Beach for you? South Beach is a great place to live because it has more accessible features than most cities in South Florida. I think the language barrier and ignorance are more difficult challenges than anything else. You have a guide dog, right? Yes, but Charmichael is 13 and retired. She just had surgery for a paralysed larynx. She is doing well now and will be with me forever. Will you be getting a newly trained dog? I am in the process of applying for a new dog and it could take up to two years. You’ve also been working with kids who are blind on various civic projects. What’s your biggest accomplishment? I have been the Chair of the Miami Beach Disability Access Committee For The Mayor for the past six years. One of the most important projects I have introduced to the city has been the Audible Pedestrian Signal program. When they work, they can save your life. When they don’t work, politics are to blame and people can die.    What is your overall purpose right now? My survival and what is essential for health and vitality, and new ideas that will allow for a greater reach into the global community. What’s the greatest gift you’ve received out of the challenge of being blind? What I learned to do, and perhaps was an unexpected gift, was a laser guided focus that was missing in my life when I could see. It seemed that every bare-bottomed boy or ab-rippling Adonis gave me whiplash and my penis was my guide. It’s amazing what we are capable of when we don’t have that visual distraction. So you’re more action than distraction? I probably get more action than most sighted fellas, “Excuse me, sir, do you mind if I hold onto your shoulder while you show me to the bench press? I’m sorry, that’s not your shoulder; whoops!” Fortunately they seem to like it as much as I do. Although this can happen, I’m a bit more restrained when meeting someone for the first time. How’s your imagination? I have an excellent imagination. It’s necessary to fill in the blanks when so many pieces of the puzzle are missing so much of the time. Have your other senses been heightened? What do you most find attractive in a man; what gives you whiplash now? I pay more attention to sounds and smell and touch, however, I’m not sure I would say those senses have gotten better. A sexy voice turns me on. If you are a guy who is intelligent and thoughtful, I am eager to know you. H MORE: www.abilityexplosion.org After losing his sight in 2001, David New became an advocate for the disabled. He is chairman of the Miami Beach Disability Access Committee and chief promoter of Ability Explosion. David also serves as president for the Miami Beach Council Of The Blind. As a successful entrepreneur, David owns and operates American Chair Exchange, an internet specialty furniture company, as well as Ballooniverse, which sells and delivers specialty balloons for parties and events. David is a resident of South Miami Beach, Florida. He can be reached on email at [email protected]. An unexpected gift was a laser guided focus that was missing in my life when I could see. It seemed that every bare-bottomed boy or ab-rippling Adonis gave me whiplash… South Beach’s Police Chief, Dan Oates, also learns what it’s like to cross trafffc in total darkness.

Stephen Bell was born with a rare condition that fused his fingers together, but that hasn’t stopped the event planner from holding on to positivity and raising the profile of those who look different. DNA: Hi Stephen, where are you from? Stephen Bell: I am from London, England. Tell us about your hand? I was born with a condition called syndactyly. Four of the fingers on my right hand were fused together. After numerous skin grafts and plastic surgery operations, my index finger was separated. The other three fingers share one bone, so if they were to be separated, just one would be useable and three would be floppy. What kind of restrictions does that mean for you? I have full flexibility and I’m not in any pain, but I cannot catch a ball or clench a fist and I sometimes struggle with gripping large or heavy items. How common is syndactyly? Syndactyly normally occurs in animals and is an extremely unusual condition in humans. It can be the fingers and/or the toes which are joined – fused – together. People are familiar with birth defects caused by Thalidomide. Is syndactyly caused by a drug or is it genetic? Syndactyly is caused by the chromosomes not connecting fully. You’re right-handed – have you ever tried to switch to be left-handed? I am right-handed, and many people comment on my creative and artistic hand-writing! I have never yet tried to be left-handed. Have you ever tried to hide your hand? No. This would only cause unnecessary attention. Some people never even notice. I am normal and as unique, special and different as the next person. No one is one hundred percent perfect; some people have a visible difference, others have invisible differences. Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. How did your parents help or teach you to be comfortable in your own skin? My parents, three brothers and two sisters helped me with the mantra, “Inhale positivity and exhale anxiety”. They have constantly supported and encouraged me to strive for the best. Did you suffer much harassment growing up, or were you treated differently at school? I’ve never suffered harassment, abuse or verbal attacks. I’ve been very lucky in that respect. In high school I was offered extra time in my exams because I can’t write very fast. I declined the offer, as I did not want to be different from my peers. Why do you still see a plastic surgeon for checkups? My plastic surgeon, Mr Stewart Watson, checks that the skin graft is not splitting or bleeding, that there is no webbing, or Carpal Tunnel syndrome. He also monitors my hand’s movement, grip and flexibility. Do you get asked about your hand a lot and what kind of reactions do you get? Yes, probably once or twice a month. The reactions can be mixed. You learn coping strategies and mechanisms as you go through life, so if someone starts staring or glaring, I will politely ask them, “Have we met before?” Has it ever stopped you from doing anything you really wanted to do? Yes, playing the piano. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to learn to play the piano. I opted for singing as a hobby instead and I’ve never looked back on the incredible experiences, challenges and opportunities I’ve had while singing in various choirs since 1991. You also spend your time advocating for changing perceptions and attitudes. Yes, as well as raising both the profile and awareness of looking different with presentations at universities such as Oxford and Cambridge, and in collaborations with organisations like the Centre For Appearance Research, the Changing Faces charity and the Body Confidence Awards. I will continue to do this for as long as I am able, as I think it is vitally important to give a voice to looking different. What is FEDS? Fairness, Equality, Diversity And Social Inclusion. This is my main objective – inclusion, not separation. This is all done in your spare time. What do you do for a career? I run my own six-year old Event Management and Planning business, Epitome Celebrations. What’s been a favourite event to plan? Working for footballer Kevin Davies on an event that raised so much money for his Kids Of Bolton charity. The night was such a tremendous success. Do you have a boyfriend? No, but I would be so thrilled, pleased, delighted and excited to have a boyfriend when the time is right. Do you have any difficulty dating because of your hand? Not really, it’s something different to talk about on a date and sometimes a bit of an ice-breaker. I don’t blurt everything out straight away, but generally I’ve had positive and interesting reactions. I can’t recall any negative behaviour or nightmares on this front. Attitudes from other gay men have been fabulous. They are very open, accepting and respectful. It’s part of me and my personality. Many people are amazed I'm right-handed. What about a message for a young person learning to live with a physical deformity or difference? Coco Chanel said, “In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.” I agree two hundred percent! Never hide away. Do research on organisations that can support or assist you, and ask for help, if you need it. Try not to complain. Be happy, enjoy life, and be you. Positivity is key. How do you keep so positive? Staying positive has always been a driving force for me. Life is not a dress rehearsal! I only get one shot like everyone else out there. MORE: Find Stephen on Twitter @StephenBell4 BORN THAT WAY PHOTO: KRISZTINA AMBRUS If someone starts staring or glaring, I will politely ask them, ‘Have we met before?’ event that raised so much money for his Stephen Bell out on the town in London. Left: Stephen’s three ff ngers are fused together on his right hand. 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DNA: Hi William. Were you born with a hearing impairment or was it the result of an illness or injury? William Le: I was born with profound hearing loss. My mum contracted rubella when she was pregnant with me, which sealed my fate. When my parents realised that I wasn’t responding to verbal cues, they took me to a doctor and his diagnosis confirmed their fears. When did you get your first hearing aid? I received my first cochlear implant (CI) at 8 years of age and underwent various upgrades before settling on ESPrit 3G on my left ear. I received Nucleus 5 on my right ear at the age of 25. Can you explain what it does? Its function is to filter, prioritise, transmit and convert sound picked up by a microphone into electronic signals that would then be received by a coiled magnet embedded in the brain above my ear. Beginning as a body-worn form of a speech processor strapped to my neck, scientific and technological leaps have shrunk the device to something that could easily and wirelessly fit on my ear; with higher hearing frequencies, waterproofing, recharging and Bluetooth capabilities! Wow, that sounds bionic! So what do you actually hear? The CI is meant to artificially replicate the effects of standard hearing. With each iteration and regular visits to my speech pathologist, my hearing improves – marginally – but you can’t miss what you don’t have. I simply have pangs. I refer to myself as deaf or hearing impaired. Are those terms interchangeable? I used to think so, until a friend with hearing aids pointed out that I should technically be hearing impaired rather than deaf. The former falls into a spectrum from mild to profound, which is what I have. What do you think of the words “disability” or “handicapped”? The PC-ness of those words seem to swell and fall, like a trend. Other than those, let’s run the gamut: “handicapable”, “special needs”, “differently abled”, “invalid”, “dwarf”, “little people”, “gifted” and of course that magic word, “retard”. You can see the various degrees of likely offense, some more subtly aggressive than others. I think we coin or supplant these phrases out of good intent or in medical terms, but a rule of thumb is that any word that’s been carelessly bandied about or can appear as patronisingly polite – avoid at all costs. So what are some of the safer terms? Terms like “intellectually disabled”, “hearing impaired” and “short statured” have proven to be stalwarts because they are safe, speak to a specific condition and don’t define the person on the whole. Should people acknowledge someone’s disability? They might worry about causing offence. The biggest offence that I have ever received was reluctance to refer to my cochlear implant for fear of drawing attention to the elephant in the room. But I always reassure people that I’m happy to talk about it, and I understand that they mean well. In other words, there’s nothing that they shouldn’t do except to keep common sense and good manners, which I find to be the case 99 percent of the time. How do you primarily socialise? Because I can still hear and was raised on speech therapy, I tend to socialise with the hearing world and speech is the main mode of communication. The deaf member, on the other hand, tends to stick with his own kind, and is more at home using Auslan [Australian Sign Language]. Finally, there’s a third type where individuals can move between these two worlds, a subculture within a subculture – a deaf world submerged within a hearing impaired world if you like, or a bit of both. What’s one thing hearing people could learn from all these factions of the non-hearing population? There has been much lament on SUPERPOWERED He’s an expert in the art of listening, fluent in body language and master of the non-verbal cue. William Le is hearing impaired, but he’s also extra-sensory. William (left) and Michael at home in Sydney. 58 DNA / FEATURE

DNA 59 unwanted noise in modern society, so any time people bemoan that they’d like to get out of the city, commune with nature and find a silence so startling that they can hear themselves think, I’d smile to myself and think, I can do that any time. I can be in the middle of a crowd, turn my ear off and fall into that world of silence. That is meditation in motion, in my opinion. The trick is that inner silence probably takes more skill to achieve but it’s something that the hearing population can certainly learn from. Is the difference between hearing and listening highly distinct for you? Just because you have two functional ears doesn’t mean you are always capable of hearing wisely and productively. Listening is when you consider, support and understand the total weight of the speaker’s words as well as non-verbal cues. Over your lifetime have you seen a change in attitudes towards people with disabilities? Having always been aware of my hearing loss, I felt as normal as can be, thanks in large part to the nurturing environment of St Gabriel’s [school for deaf and hearing impaired children]. Because of my lack of personal experience in facing prejudice, I felt that presumptuous attitudes such as speaking more loudly or more slowly than usual, or condescending treatment tended to be assigned to older generations. I had neither notion nor qualm of society’s foibles. Did you ever struggle with learning? I was the product of a very specific time, a Bob Hawkeera [Australian Prime Minister, 1983-91] which mantled policies of youth skills training and school retention rates, so I was lucky to be recognised by wonderful teachers for my talents rather than for my disability, which was simply something to be accommodated in a different way. For instance, I received notetaking services in some classes and I would also explain to teachers to wear a microphone amplifier that connected through to my speech processor, functioning a little bit like a one-way walkie-talkie, on a private wavelength. That is an incredible credit to those policies. Just as importantly, it really comes down to how our parents have handled us and equipped us for life. In earlier times, there was a sense that we had to be protected and shielded from the real world, thus probably translating into an over-arching disconnect with life. What about attitudes within the gay community, do you find them more or less inclusive? Do you face rejection because you are hearing impaired? The attitudes of the gay community have had no bearing on my personal identity or of my hearing disability, but there has been no rejection, preconceived judgment or anything of the sort. I have no qualms coming up to someone in a gay venue and mentioning that I am deaf. Reactions have always been one of piqued interest, or they simply don’t care. I like to think it’s my charm that ropes them in instead [laughs]. Have you ever dated another man who is deaf? I have always dated men who can hear – I don’t discriminate, after all! I’ve never actually thought at great length as to what it would be like to date a deaf man, but for some reason I imagine twice the frustrations, twice the mixed signals, twice the silence, twice everything! It would probably be like trying to talk to a mirror. With hearing men, at least they can compensate for what I lack – if that makes sense. You’ve said that being so different has given you superpowers. Can you elaborate? If they haven’t given me flight, invulnerability and elemental control (yet), I’ll have to settle for insight and empathy. I like to think that I perceive things that other people don’t, mainly in terms of psychoanalysis and debate. I can read between the lines – for example, what you say is not necessarily what you mean. I also think these go hand-in-hand with lip-reading ability, as you spend a lot of time watching people talk and how they relate to each other. You might say, “I burnt my hand on the stove this morning and got really upset with myself for being so clumsy” across a crowded room and I’ll be able to grab all that. I might also >> I can be in the middle of a crowd, turn my ear off and fall into that world of silence. That is meditation in motion, in my opinion. Michael and William at a friend’s wedding in Balmoral.

60 DNA / FEATURE >> laugh at “I love you” because it can be mistaken for “colourful”– it’s a trick that hearing people fall for. Go on, try it! Or how about “vacuum” – try sounding it out silently and see the reaction! What is the biggest misconception people have about people who are deaf? This answer may be surprising, but in my view, it is that people actually forget that I’m deaf. This can be a minor gripe in a noisy environment, like a nightclub, when they keep leaning into my ear to talk, and I keep having to pull back to lip-read. That must make you want to say “vacuum”! So is your hearing impairment ever something you do try to cover up? I like the fact that it makes for an excellent talking point, much like having a pet snake in the living room. Other times people may realise that I am deaf even before I inform them. This is usually because they may either know someone who suffers from a similar condition: a mother with gradual hearing loss due to age, a cousin with a cochlear implant, or a colleague who is an Auslan signer. This also creates another excellent talking point for us, particularly upon introduction. How did you meet your fiancé, Michael? We met through the social networking app, Scruff. I was coming off an emotional breakup so I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. But I think having no expectations helped so that I could be pleasantly surprised. Are there any specific challenges to being in a relationship with a hearing man? There have been few. I had always been self-assured, but I had a huge crisis of revelation in Cambodia last year. We were at a landmark outside of Phnom Penh and a tour guide was explaining the history of the stupas, temples and statues. All afternoon, Michael was interpreting for me what the tour guide was relaying. All was going well until we got back to the hotel and he had a minimeltdown. He said that he was finding it too difficult to deal with me simply because I needed to understand what the tour guide was saying. It was then I realised that he, too, struggled with my deafness, because it impacted on his ability to communicate with me as fluidly. While I understood his perspective, I said, “It might be hard for you, but it’s harder for me. I have to deal with this every day. I don’t exist to make life harder for you. Would a carer or a nurse be telling a paraplegic the same thing?” For the first time ever, I lamented my hearing loss wishing that I controlled the accidents of my birth so that I could be “born like everybody else”, which of course is the most absurd thing ever to say. Would you have rather he’d just not told you at all how he felt? He was the only person ever in my life to admit that he had a problem with my deafness; neither my family nor ex-partners said such things, because they probably knew that it would make me feel bad and that it was not my fault. Michael realised his error and admitted that it was his problem to work through, not mine. He felt awful! That was the only time I felt such a knock to my pride for being different as a deaf individual. Does he continue to act as your translator? Or hearing dog, as I like to call him [laughs]. Michael, bless him, keeps trying to understand my limitations and be considerate of my needs. He has made very sweet progress. You are of Vietnamese background, gay and deaf – do you identify with one of these three minorities more than the others? I like to think that I have a finger in each slice of the same pie, or three in this case. But it is safe to say that I’ve put a lot more emphasis in gay identity insofar as belonging to that community. I grew up near Vietnamese communities in both Bankstown and Cabramatta. I had the option to learn Vietnamese alongside my sister and cousins at Sunday School but I preferred English! Similarly, I grew up on my mother’s cooking, but I never truly connected with my heritage until I went to Vietnam. The first time I went, in mid-2005, I felt reverent when I stepped into my father’s childhood home, almost like retracing his footprints because I realised that if he hadn’t come to Australia, or had died in the war – well, I wouldn’t have existed, full stop. The second time was with Michael, and it was so good to return to my homeland. It was both a process of rediscovery and introducing my fiancé to all the places that represented my heritage, in a sense. You’re a writer and Michael is an actor. Do you ever clash creatively? I don’t think we will ever clash. I find we complement each other in strangely interesting ways. A deaf person matched with a hearing person who made a living out of singing, how about that? Does he sing for you? Can you tell if he’s any good? When he’s sung for me, it’s more about the emotion, projection and storytelling etched on his face than vocal quality. For minutes he gets caught up in the passion and the drama of the lyrics – and then resumes his old self. I am gripped and fascinated by such intimacy. I may not be able to hear the lyrics, but I can tell that it means something to the singer, and they do it extraordinarily well. You and Michael founded interCulture Casting and Management (iCCAM). How is your agency unique? We represent clients with a very specific minority focus. Everyone loves to see a piece of their own culture reflected on screen, “There’s me up there! That is exactly like my life!” Our business addresses the gaps in access, opportunity and reality between predominantly white casting professionals and a pool of ethnically diverse actors, singers, dancers and performers who just simply want a chance to stand on the same platform. There is also a disability offshoot, right? Yes, which was perfect as my deaf identity would be reflected on a larger scale. And that goes for everyone else, whether they’re autistic, have cerebral palsy or suffer from Asperger’s. Recently, we have acknowledged the LBGTIQ sector as vital to the minority message. Of course some of our clients already swim in more than one world anyway. Tell us about the “Don’t Dis My Ability” campaign. How did you become an ambassador. I had understood duty to myself, but it is absolutely vital to learn to turn it outwards. I never really understood the meaning of duty to one’s people until somebody was foolish enough to believe in and nominate me – and that somebody happened to be my fiancé, Michael. What are your priorities as an ambassador? To bring about large-scale awareness and, in a practical sense, contribute to the evolution of the Disability Inclusion Plan draft. I would at first concern myself with overseeing the nationwide development, rollout and maintenance of closed-captioned access in all cinemas and theatres, uniformly, at no cost to the user. This is my dream, for deaf individuals to be able to contribute to the cultural dialogue as equally as everybody else – at the same time. What would you like to tell young people learning to live with a disability? Understand that the world is a far bigger place than our own backyard and the key is an open mind and honesty. If you hide your disability or don’t talk about it straightforwardly, it sends a mixed message and people pick up on your possible projected embarrassment or shame. As a result, they may not know how to respond accordingly. What is the single most important message you would like to give to those who are not disabled? Empathic intelligence. That’s it! Even something as simple as, “I may not understand what you’re going through, but you can tell me what it’s like” is the first step towards awareness. H MORE: Celebrating diversity and ability: Dontdismyability.com.au. For William and Michael’s talent agency, visit www.iccamoz.com. I might laugh at ‘I love you’ because it can be mistaken for ‘colourful’ – it’s a trick that hearing people fall for!

® AUST $9.95 NZ $10.75 USA $14.99 CANADA $14.99 UK £5.50 dnamagazine.com.au #182 M A D E T H AT W AY RED HOT DOWN UNDER 12 PAGES OF GARETH, OUR SEXIEST GINGER DROWN THE AUSSIE FILM WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR CUTE COUPLES MEET RHYS AND KIRK WILLING AND ABLE LIFE BEYOND PHYSICAL BOUNDS “ MY PARENTS WANT ME DEAD” THE HUNTING OF A GAY SON TROPICAL FRUITS A VERY KOOKY NEW YEAR! ON THE COVER LEO IN BARCELONA BY JP SANTAMARIA DNAMAGAZINE.COM.AU YOUR FAVOURITE MAGAZINE AVAILABLE NOW IN PRINT, ONLINE AND VIA APP.

Hot In The City / FEATURE 62 DNA Much to his own surprise, Melbourne classical composer and busker Gareth Wiecko won a competition to find Australia’s hottest redhead. Here's how it happened… PHOTOGRAPHY THOMAS KNIGHTS PHOTOGRAPHY ASSISTANT THIBAULT LA DROITTE

DNA 63 Gareth wears Teamm8 underwear.

DNA: Judging by the look on your face when the announcement was made, we suspect you didn’t expect to win the Red Hot Down Under Model Search competition. Gareth Wiecko: [Laughs] Yeah, my face definitely came across like that. I wasn’t exactly sure what the judges were looking for and each of the guys had something to give. I’ve never won a competition based on my aesthetics so, yeah, I guess it did come as a bit of a shock when I was told that I’d won. What prompted you to enter the competition? A friend asked me to take part in a photoshoot for a gay night in Melbourne called Trough. The video came out and a few people started to get in contact quoting the Red Hot Down Under competition and that I should compete. Initially I thought nothing of it but then my friends started getting on board saying that I should compete. I entered with a profile photo and next thing I knew I was being flown to Sydney to compete against eight other guys. Had you ever done anything like that before? Being a musician I’ve had the opportunity to compete, but to compete against other redheads for the title of the “most attractive redhead in Australia”? No, can’t say I’ve done anything like that before. Definitely one for the bucket list. The very next day after the competition you had to do the DNA photoshoot. Was that like being dropped in the deep end? You fall into the swing of it quite quickly. Thomas Knights, the photographer, was great. The minute we started shooting he put me at ease. He’s very natural and lovely to get along with. I’d never done modelling before so was unsure what to expect. The same for the DNA guys. Everyone involved made it feel like a very organic process. I had a lot of fun. You are a musician and a busker so you must feel relatively relaxed performing in front of people. Is modelling in an underwear photoshoot much the same? The two don’t really go hand-in-hand, hah! Being an entertainer I’ve learned to feel comfortable in most situations; you don’t have time to be insecure when you’re presenting yourself as an artist. I’d done the Trough shoot a month or so before the competition and I’m pretty comfortable as I am. The Red Hot competition was about countering discrimination. Have you ever been bullied for being a redhead? I think most redheaded children encounter a decent share of bullying at a young age. But from personal experience and from talking to other redheads it all seems to die down before you hit your early teens. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still have people wailing “ranga” at me from car windows but it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m the hottest redhead in Australia! Do you think people fetishise you as a redhead? I’d say more so in Australia than back in the United Kingdom. There are a higher percentage of us per capita in the UK. We’re saturated over there! But in regards to fetishising, I’d say no more than any other common fetish that’s out there. It does make the job easier though, half the work is already done! One of the other messages around the Red Hot events was ending HIV. Is that something you expect to see in the near future, distant future or ever? The advances in medicine >> 64 DNA / FEATURE RED HOT DOWN UNDER was part of a campaign during World AIDS Day last year sponsored by DNA, Same Same, ACON and NSW Health. Brit photographer Thomas Knights travelled Down Under to help find the ginger winner and shoot him for his Red Hot 100 project and this DNA fashion story. The Welsh-born musician reluctantly entered at the urging of friends and on grand final night at Sydney’s Slide nightclub was named the winner. “Yes,” admits the humble Gareth, “It came as a bit of a shock!” I’ll still have people wailing ‘ranga’ at me from car windows but it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m the hottest redhead in Australia!

DNA 65 Gareth wears vintage rugby shorts.

66 DNA / FEATURE

DNA 67 Gareth wears ES Collection swimwear and Adidas trainers.

68 DNA / FEATURE Gareth wears Teamm8 underwear.

Gareth wears Teamm8 beach towel. DNA 69

/ FEATURE 70 DNA Gareth wears Teamm8 underwear.

DNA 71

72 DNA / FEATURE >> over the past thirty years in regard to ending HIV are incredible. If medicine has come this far, what’s not to say that there is a potential for a cure. There’s strong advocacy toward the fight to end HIV now and awareness is more prominent than ever. Though not having a direct impact, I was proud to be involved in the process of aiding the fight. You are a pianist who busks. How does that work? Music is my life, I play every day. Be that busking, gigging, composing or just having a jam. I ran out of money when up at Cairns a few years back and sold my vehicle in order to buy a “stage piano”. I started hitchhiking down the east coast of Australia, playing music as I went. By the time I got to Melbourne I had it all figured out and fell in love with it. I now play regularly in Bourke Street Mall in Melbourne. There’s a huge influx of people coming and going and I get a real sense of accomplishment from creating an organic process on the streets. No two gigs are the same and the public are really responsive. It feels good being able to bring art to the streets and change people’s day. The music you compose is classical/electronic/ ambient and you cite your influences diversely from Rufus Wainwright to Ludovico Einaudi. Yes, I’ve been writing music since I can remember and also had the opportunity to release my album, Notes To Self, back in 2011. It’s a solo piano album and has gone on to sell a decent amount. I’m in the process of producing my second album at the moment. I also attend University in Melbourne, studying Composition and Digital Production. My aspiration is to compose professionally for media, be that film or video games and so on. In the digital age, there’s no money in selling albums, right? Musicians really have to perform live to make a living. That may be the case for some musicians but I make most of my money through album sales. My album can be found online through a variety of mediums but also via myself when I busk on the streets. On Bourke Street we have half hour sets every hour to showcase ourselves and most people hang around for that half hour. By the end of the set they’ve decided whether they appreciate my art or not. Plus people really enjoy taking something physical home with them as part of the experience. Where can DNA readers hear your music? You can listen to my album and hear work related to my upcoming album at www. garethwiecko.com. I’m also found busking around Melbourne, mainly in Bourke Street Mall, roughly three days a week. Has winning the competition changed the way you perceive yourself? Not really. I’m happy with who I am and where I am today is due to dilligent effort and hard work. The competition was a great experience and lots of fun. I got to meet some great people and I’d definitely do something like it again. How did it feel when Thomas Knights revealed the huge portrait of you at the gallery opening? I honestly didn’t expect it to come out as well as it did. It’s a beautiful photograph and I’m really proud of it. My eyes are my favourite part; he’s really made them striking. I’m now part of the Red Hot Exhibition which will be over in the UK at some point so I’m trying to get my parents to make the drive to London to see my mug in a gallery! As a performer you must value your freedom of speech, but as a gay man and redhead you may have experienced bullying or discrimination – is there a fine line between what people should and shouldn’t be allowed to say? I think everybody should be allowed to have a joke. The world would be pretty dull if that wasn’t the case. But it’s when the context and tonality have a negative impact that’s directed toward a person or group of people that I have a problem. More often than not, bullying and discrimination stem from a lack of understanding and are often difficult problems to tackle. We could all do with a little more love in the world. Finally, how should we pronounce Wiecko? That’s an easy one: Vi-en-sco. H MORE: Find Gareth at garethwiecko.com. For more on Red Hot, go to thomasknights. com, redhot100.com and facebook.com/ redhotexhibition. Discrimination stems from a lack of understanding… we could all do with a little more love in the world. SEE MORE

DNA 73 Gareth wears Teamm8 underwear.

Twink (noun, adj.) 1. A homosexual or effeminate. 2. A young man regarded as an object of homosexual desire. I’M FIRST CALLED A TWINK when I’m eighteen years old. With my shiny blond mop of Jesse McCartney hair, virgin arsehole and the body of a Ukrainian gymnast, I’m considered hot property amongst the tired rotation of Oxford Street queens and grizzly middle-aged bears. I watch their eyes grow hungry as I pass by, all fawn-like with my skinny-jean swagger. I’m new, I’m untouched, I’m fresh meat. I’m a twink. Named after the American phallic-shaped snack-cake (Twinkies), twinks are commonly regarded as having little nutritional value, sweet to the taste, and full of crème. Eternally euphemistic, they’re enjoyed for their packaging, not their substance – and tend to be treated as such. Only ever as desirable as they are disposable, one always interchangeable with the next. I’m relishing my new-found title; wearing the badge (in one case literally) with pride. The wind’s in my hair and I’m soaring from the bottom of the social food chain (high-school) to somewhere near the top. I’m somebody now, and I like it. The acceptance, the camaraderie, the glitter, the undying sense of community. The nicknames, the arse-grabs. The open minds and open hearts. This all abruptly changes, however, late one Saturday night in 2010, as I discover the cruel degradation to my apparent orientational royalty. You see, there’s a perverse underbelly to the raucous laughter and seductive neon lights of Sydney’s gay night life. And I stumbled right into it. Local queer folklore tells of a penthouse somewhere above the throngs of Sydney’s Darlinghurst where parties are held on weeknights, queen-size beds come rent-free, and top-shelf alcohol is poured in unlimited supply. The flash, split-level abode is owned by a scrawny and obnoxiously wealthy man whose name I’ve chosen not to publish. For the sake of narrative, let’s call him Andrew. Andrew started a well-known Australian fashion label with his then-wife and mother of his children. Now, however, he busies himself housing an eclectic rotation of twinks – both initiating and feeding their drug addictions under a sexually paternal pretence. I know this because, for one night, I’m one of them. A friend and I have been drunkenly invited to what could only be described as “a penthouse party with free booze”. Now, as anyone who’s ever been an unemployed eighteen-year-old will surely attest, a penthouse party with free booze is the absolute holy grail of unplanned Saturday night adventures. So we tag along; moths drawn to the flame. We buzz the the apartment number, pat down our button-ups and take the mirror-clad elevator all the way to the top floor. Ding! Before long I’m sipping vodka between tempered puffs of foreign cigarettes on the wrap-around balcony, feeling like the misguided protagonist in some homoerotic F Scott Fitzgerald nightmare. I’ve been granted exclusive access to the good life, the rich life. The life you might occasionally read about in magazines or catch glimpses of on the television. Drunk middle-classers shout from the stagnant nightclub lines below. It suddenly seems dirty down there. I don’t belong with them, I belong up here; where high school drop-outs wear leather fisherman shoes and dramatically fling taupe sweaters across their bony shoulders. Andrew commands the room as a cult leader would his church. Nothing about him is physically attractive, but it doesn’t seem to matter. His lifestyle is seductive enough. He spots me from across the room, eyes dancing salaciously along the lines of my body. My stomach drops. Does he like what he sees? Am I welcome here? Why do I even care? It soon hits midnight, and here that seems to mean something. Designer make-up is being applied hurriedly in full-length mirrors; bronzer over cheekbones, a cloud of hairspray, fringes adjusted meticulously – one final row of tequila shots. We’re ready – though for what, I’m not sure. 74 DNA / FEATURE Twink Twink, Little Star Youth is highly prized on the scene. Like celebrity, it opens A-list doors, brings adulation and advantage – but beware, there are ruthless predators lying in wait for their prey. Samuel Leighton-Dore tells his story.

I think we’re underground. It’s hot and dark and the bass-line makes my teeth jitter. The drinks at Arq are expensive, more than I can afford, but my hand’s never empty. I’m not sure where my friend is, but I don’t really mind. People are smiling at me, dancing with me, grinding on me. Andrew moves in close, folding the palm of his hand over mine. I swallow the pills like they’re tic tacs, washing them down with a sloppy mouthful of vodka-lime-and-something. And now we wait; I mutter, but nobody’s listening. My heart starts to race. Time drips slowly, like the melting clock in that Salvador Dali painting. I come-to in the shower, my limped body resting naked in Andrew’s arms. His calloused hands wash me down with soap that smells of rosemary. I’m not sure whether it’s in preparation, or clean-up – but the harder he scrubs, the dirtier I feel. Is this sex? Is this what it means to be an adult? Now we’re in bed, and we’re not alone. “This is what you want, isn’t it?” he asks, but it doesn’t feel like a question. He’s already inside me, rocking back and forth without hesitation. Others are watching, too. Stroking my face as I take it. Kissing the nape of my neck, as if they know my name. I close my eyes and escape to some half-state of consciousness. The kind you get when anticipating a punch or fall. I’m scared, I’m hurting, but I cope. I don’t remember falling asleep, but the next morning I wake, flush-cheeked and swolleneyed; chest pounding, aching with regret. I’m sleepily tossed $3.50 in silver coins for the train ride home. Andrew says that I’m welcome back anytime. But I never go back. I’ve already endured my inauguration. Limping unceremoniously to the station, I decide that I hate being a twink. The silent objectification. The permission so readily assumed by others to touch, grab, feel, fuck my body. I hate that it seems to connote both physical weakness and emotional dependability. I hate that young gay men can be targeted at their most vulnerable, emerging from their tumultuous teenage years and desperate for connection. They way they’re too often broken down, when they so need to be empowered. But most of all, I hate myself. I hate that I let it happen. I hate that I didn’t say, “no”. H This story is in no way indicative of the author’s relationships with older gay men. He has since been fortunate enough to find supportive mentors whose guidance has helped him channel his experiences creatively. He directed a short film, Showboy, which competed in the Sydney Film Festival last year, and will soon release a children’s book, I Think I’m A Poof. Visit him at www. SamuelLeightonDore.com I mutter, but nobody’s listening. My heart starts to race. Time drips slowly, like the melting clock in that Salvador Dali painting. PHOTO: BRIANNA ELTON DNA 75

76 DNA / COVER STORY LE O PHOTOGRAPHY JP SANTAMARIA (JUANPABLOSANTAMARIA.COM AND FACEBOOK.COM/JPSANTAMARIA. PHOTODESIGN) MODEL LEO RICO ASSISTANTS LUCCA ROCCI AND GASPAR GARRE WITH A SCANDALOUSLY SEXY body, deep green eyes and a great big smile, Leo Rico is as tasty as his name suggests –Rico is Spanish for “yummy”. A Barcelona resident, 180cm tall [5’10”] and 36-years-old Leo is also – wait for it – a real fireman. “I love my work as a fireman,” he says. “It’s amazing to be able to help people when they need you the most. Many lives depend on you. It’s not easy, but it is always worth the effort.” When not saving lifes and fighting fires, Leo loves mountains – climbing up them and skiing down them. “Skiing and climbing are my passions. I also love ultra-distance competitions like Ironmans. I love hard work! From time to time I do some work in fashion but I don’t take it very seriously. People tell me I should do more but I don’t want to be famous. I’d prefer to keep being a fireman, and helping people.” Modelling can definitely be fun though, especially when being shot by a world-renowned photographer like JP Santamaria. “When JP contacted me and said he wanted to shoot me for the cover of DNA I was so happy,” he says. Leo was brought up by his mum, two sisters and his gay uncle so, he says, he’s “very well educated in tolerance and freedom… I always have a very good feeling when I’m around gay people.” “The shoot was amazing. We had so much fun, and I hope DNA readers enjoy it so that we can repeat it soon!”

DNA 77 Leo wears Torchpack swimwear.

78 DNA / COVER STORY Leo wears Teamm8 swimwear.

DNA 79 Leo wears Gabriel Croissier swimwear.

80 DNA / COVER STORY Leo wears Zara swimwear.

DNA 81 Leo wears Addicted swimwear.

82 DNA / COVER STORY Leo wears aussieBum swimwear.

DNA 83 Leo wears Gabriel Croissier swimwear.

84 DNA / COVER STORY Leo wears Addicted swimwear.

DNA 85

OVER THE YEARS I have found myself, quite by accident, becoming a mentor to numerous young gay men that I meet out and about. These are usually men who have thrown themselves headfirst into the quickie sex and party lifestyle that is so readily available in the 86 DNA / FEATURE “MY PARENTS WANT TO KILL ME” Hakan is young, gay and Turkish. His mother wants Allah to beat the gay out of him, his father wants to kill him. Greg Page presents this shocking story; a prescient reminder that gay rights are still a matter of life and death in many parts of the world. Hakan suffers pattern hair loss due to immense stress. His “crop circles” are visible in this picture. PHOTO: PAOLO CANEVESI.

gay world. After a while, these same young men begin to get jaded with what the scene has to offer and want something more. Often what they really need is just a cuddle and some parental-like guidance. My partner and I met Hakan* in Brussels in 2013 at the annual La Demence circuit party. At 22 years of age, broodingly handsome and with large, almond-shaped brown eyes it was hard not to notice him from across the dance floor. He also had some intriguing “crop circles” on the back of his head where it looked as if he had shaved shapes into his dark thatch of hair. On the Eurostar trip back to London he came into our carriage, sat down and talked to us for the whole two hours. He was smart, quickwitted and spoke excellent English. It became apparent he was looking for more than sex, or even friendship. He needed family. We kept in touch back in the UK through Facebook (he was studying graphic design at a university up in Manchester). We made plans to meet up a few months later after arranging with some of our other pals to converge on Amsterdam for the Rapido party. We spent the weekend there together, all taking or sharing rooms at a so-uncool-it’s-cool Dutch hotel styled to look as though it was still functioning in medieval times. It was during this weekend that we got to know Hakan better and finally got to hear his whole hard-to-believe-in-this-day-and-age story. He had been studying engineering at Oxford because that was what his wealthy, well-connected parents in Istanbul wanted him to do. After two years, however, he realised he was never going to be an engineer and that his true calling was in graphic design. He swapped courses and universities, boldly setting a new path for himself. At the same time he knew he was gay and happily met guys for dates and fun along the way. When his parents found out he had switched courses they threatened to cut off his money supply. When they found out that he was gay (a purchase for lube and condoms at a gay store, Clone Zone, inadvertently found its way to his parents’ credit card bill) they threatened to kill him. Little wonder that those “crop circles” at the back of his head were actually bald patches where his hair had fallen out due to stress. His father told him that if he came home to Turkey he would shoot him to restore the family honour. His mother, well connected with the authorities in this militantly Islamic-turning country, informed him she did not care about him in this life. “All I care about is you in the after life,” she announced without any hint of remorse, or a mother’s love for her child. While this may seem shocking, it should also be revealed at this point that Hakan’s mother, a relatively recent convert to radical Islam, heads a charity in Istanbul that raises money for jihadists. Having an openly gay son is something which not just makes her want to stop loving him, but also makes her want to have him killed. This is a lot for any 22-yearold to process. Gradually, we got to know Hakan, and his situation, a lot better. He would stay with us in our house outside of London, and each morning he would happily bound in from the guest bedroom to our bedroom. His “crop circles” even slowly started to show signs of regrowth. “You are my family now,” he declared emphatically. “You saved me!” His mother, however, was not about to leave things there. She travelled from Istanbul to Manchester, spending two days sitting outside his student apartment waiting for her son. She said it was just to talk to him, but Hakan feared she had hired thugs who would bundle him into a car, drug him and take him back to Turkey. He went into hiding until he was sure she had left the country. Soon afterwards, his mother began sending Hakan messages insisting he come home so she could commit him to a special Madrasa (Islamic school) where Allah would assist him to leave his sinful life behind. What she didn’t mention was that this actually involves daily beatings, where Islamic fanatics bring their victims to the point of near death before getting them to repent. To save themselves they must fully renounce their former life and devote themselves, and their future life, to Allah and the cause of Islam. If this seems extreme, consider that Turkey in recent years has become viciously anti-gay. Mobile app Grindr has been blocked by the government, gays and lesbians regularly suffer violence and harrasment, legal protections against discrimination in employment, housing and health care have been shelved, and criminal courts give less jail time to the murderers of gay people due to what they term, “heavy provocation”. Gay men dare not reveal their sexuality as the country is on a path to turn the clock backwards on human rights. In 2008, 26-year-old Ahmet Yildiz was shot to >> DNA 87 When the purchase of lube and condoms found its way onto his parents’ credit card bill, they threatened to kill him. It became apparent he was looking for more than sex, or even friendship. He needed family. Two men dare a kiss at Istanbul Pride.

>> death in Istanbul by his father, who had travelled almost 600 miles [965 km] to murder his gay son in what the media deemed fit to call an “honour killing”. His partner, Ibo, had tried to get protection from the authorities, after Ahmet had received death threats from his family, but to no avail. With the country trying its best to improve overall standards in order to join the European Union someday, Turkey’s appalling record on gay rights has often come under close scrutiny, but little progress appears to have been made. Istanbul’s Gay Pride parade, touted as the largest GLBT celebration in the Muslim world, managed to bring people out into the streets last year, but they did so for fear of their lives. Turkey currently has the record for highest number of gay hate crimes in Europe, according to advocacy group figures. The Turkish President, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, has declared that being gay is a “sexual preference” which goes against the culture of Islam, while his Minister For State, Selma Aliye Kavaf blithely states that she considers homosexuality “a biological disorder; a disease.” Because Turkey is at the crossroads between Europe and Asia, it is of significant geopolitical strategic importance. In the fight against the emerging ISIS threat many countries in the West seem willing to turn a blind eye to Turkey’s barbaric views on homosexuality, women’s rights, use of torture, little to no free press (journalists are regularly jailed), and general human rights violations. Turkey’s government is still officially secular, but with the rise in religiosity [99.8 percent of its population is now registered as Muslim] over the last two decades, Islam heavily dictates 88 DNA / FEATURE Turkey’s national singing treasure, Bülent Ersoy, known to fans simply as “Diva”, has in her 62-years experienced many more things than your everyday male-tofemale celebrity. She is also the possessor of one of the finest voices in the former Ottoman Empire, one that makes even devoutly religious men weep when she breaks into a traditional Turkish tune. Bülent originally found fame as a man, singing classical Turkish music. She underwent gender reassignment surgery in London in 1981, but kept the name Bülent, despite it being avowedly masculine. The Turkish regime at the time forbade her from performing due to “social deviance” and after a failed suicide attempt she fled the country and moved to Germany and then Australia, briefly. When the government stance softened in 1988, Bülent was finally accepted back into Turkey as a woman. She returned to prominence and became more popular than she had ever been. Soon after, she was shot on stage five times after refusing to sing a song celebrating war, yet somehow she survived. A decade later she married a man twenty years her junior, though she divorced him quickly when she found out he was having sex with a prostitute on the side. In 2008, Bülent was charged with slander after declaring she would not let her children (if she could have them) go to war. After a prolonged court case she was eventually found not guilty (after she donated money to a military foundation), which also won her a new fan base from Turkey’s much-maligned Kurdish minority. In later years Bülent began dressing more conservatively, presenting herself as a Muslim nationalist, which may have been her way of trying to appease the fundamentalists in her country. Until recently Bülent continued releasing Arabesque albums and performing on stage and on TV (she was a judge on Turkish Idol – called Popstar Alaturka – and one of its contestants was the young man she married). She even performed a duet with the country’s biggest pop star, Tarkan, who has long been the subject of gay innuendo and speculation. Of late, however, the ebullient Bülent appears to have all but disappeared from public view. This is most likely due to the hardline Islamic regime in power once again chiding her “low morals”. Type her name into YouTube to hear her sensational voice (and to witness her fondness for plastic surgery). There may yet be another iteration of Bülent Ersoy. This Diva is a revolutionary, icon and survivor. Even the man who shot her five times knows that. “Of course she didn’t die,” he said. “She stands for so much, she’s Turkish.” The Startlingly True Tale Of Turkey’s Transgender Diva The changing face of “Diva” Bülent Ersoy. Left: A touching poster in Istanbul’s Beyoglu neighborhood honours Ahmet Yildiz, who was murdered by his father. Turkish authorities issued an arrest warrant for the father, but only after he had ffl ed the country. >> death in Istanbul by his father, who had travelled almost 600 miles [965 km] to murder his gay son in what the media deemed fit to call an “honour killing”. His partner, Ibo, had tried to get protection from the authorities, after Ahmet had received death threats from his family, but to no avail. With the country trying its best to improve overall standards in order to join the European Union someday, Turkey’s appalling record on gay rights has often come under close scrutiny, but little progress appears to have been made. Istanbul’s Gay Pride / FEATURE The Startlingly True Tale Of Left: A touching poster in Istanbul’s Beyoglu neighborhood honours Ahmet Yildiz, who was murdered by his father. Turkish authorities issued an arrest warrant for the father, but only after he had ffl ed the country.

education, doctrine and common law. Many consider the preservation of Turkey’s secular state to be only a façade, with growing concern that it will become the next Pakistan. Whereas drag queens and transsexuals, including Bülent Ersoy [see breakout], were among the country’s favoured entertainers in a less religious era of sexual liberation, now they are kept off TV screens and hidden away. Being gay in Turkey has become something to hide or deny, otherwise you will face intolerable harassment and the fear of death at every turn. This is what scares Hakan. He often dissolves into tears when he receives a message from his mother telling him that he should come home. He knows what she really wants. She either wants him to turn to Islam, or she wants him dead. In September 2014, Hakan was required to make a trip back to Turkey to show the authorities that he could not complete his compulsory military service because he was studying abroad. He flew to Istanbul. After landing, his lawyer there wisely called ahead to find out what the reception for him would be like when he presented himself at the appointed hour with his documents. After the lawyer bribed the right person, she was told that if Hakan showed up he would be immediately arrested and put in prison. He knew he had to leave the country immediately. Hakan was further warned by a friend that his mother had sent a car around to all the people she knew he associated with in Istanbul, employing strong-arm tactics to seek any information about his whereabouts. She knew Hakan had arrived in Turkey because his name was on a list of people the authorities needed to question as soon as he touched down at the airport. She had essentially put her son’s name on a ‘wanted’ list. Hakan raced to the airport to get the next flight back to London, his lawyer in tow. At the airport, in front of the boarding gate, he was stopped by a member of the Turkish Airlines staff. He was told his visa was not valid for travel and he could not board. Hakan’s lawyer, standing next to him, told the staff member that if her client was arrested then a full report would have to be made about the incident including that person’s name, rank and work history. With a quick bribe passed underhand as well, the staff member backed down and Hakan managed to get on the plane and get back to London. When he arrived back in the UK he came directly to us and cried for at least an hour. He was overwhelmed by it all – a mother who wants to hand him on a platter to Allah, a father who wants to shoot him and a country that wants to disown him. He handed over a few boxes of Turkish sweets that he had bought at the airport dutyfree while awaiting his flight. That’s the kind of person he is – in the midst of an intense life or death situation, he’s still thinking of others. We gorged ourselves on the sweets and held onto him that night not wanting to let him go. He had truly become like our adopted son. The next move is to find a way for him to remain in the UK, or at least not have him return to Turkey. While Turkey remains outside the EU, it is difficult for Hakan to reside anywhere in Europe. When his student visa runs out there are few options left. One is to apply for political asylum. Yet if this is rejected (remember that the UK government is now a conservative one, with the ultra rightwing UKIP party nipping at its heels) then all hope is lost. If you lose a claim for political asylum, no country will allow you entry. No country except one: Turkey, from which you may never escape alive. Hakan knows that and so do we. He has a long battle ahead, but we’re prepared to fight alongside him, as his proud gay family. We live in hope, but the crop circles at the back of his head still have not fully regrown. H *Hakan’s name and some identifying details have been changed for his security. DNA 89 In Turkey, criminal courts give less jail time to the murderers of gay people due to what they term “heavy provocation”. “Not An Illness, Nor A Crime!” IN ITS MOST RECENT report, Amnesty International declared that in Turkey “the rights of LGBT people remain insecure in law” and activists continue to face harassment by authorities. During 2011 Amnesty quoted LGBT rights groups recorded eight murders allegedly on the grounds of the victims’ sexual orientation or gender identity, but the actual unreported figure is likely significantly higher. The org’s website also features a disturbing downloadable report about gay life today in Turkey called Not An Illness, Nor A Crime. Meanwhile, ORAM, the gay Organization for Refuge, Asylum And Migration, has made a worrying statement about the current global climate for gay people. It gravely declares that LGBTI people “are among the most persecuted individuals in the world today. Seventyeight nations criminalise same-sex relations. Seven of these apply the death penalty for consensual same-sex conduct.” MORE: Visit oraminternational.org and amnesty.org to find out how you can make a difference.

/ WHAT WE DID ON OUR HOLIDAYS, PART 1 FRESH FRUITS! Camping, all-night dancing, parades, cabaret and costumes galore, Jesse Archer greeted 2015 at Tropical Fruits – where Mardi Gras meets the State Fair! PHOTOGRAPHY BRAD MUSTOW (WWW.BRADMUSTOW.COM) ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHY SIMON BARWICK 90 DNA With this year’s high-concept theme, Art Deco Kiss, Lismore’s legendary new year festival inspired revellers to repeal prohibition, get their Gatsby glamour on, dabble in dapper and ffl aunt their ffl apper… The ff reworks display had so many mindblowing climaxes the grateful crowd left spent. Henry and Josh and their caravan Lucille. A practical hat under the tropical sun. The Tramps – just a handful of the eighteen Charlie Chaplins. MORE: www.tropicalfruits.org.au

DNA 91 There are only a few showers, but there’s no shortage of festive frills. An understated parade entry from drag legend, Maude Boate.

92 DNA / WHAT WE DID ON OUR HOLIDAYS, PART 1 Athena Pineapple takes home the Miss Tropical Fruits title and sash. Flamingoes – the true spirit of camping. After not much sleep, the Lismore Memorial Baths play host to one giant gay pool party on January 1st.

DNA 93 DJ Kitty Glitter has the room pumping. Crooners, clowns and queens took to the cabaret stage all night long. A fi nal touch up backstage. King of Boylesque, Prince Enigma.

/ WHAT WE DID ON OUR HOLIDAYS, PART 2 THE DNA POOL PARTY PHOTOGRAPHY JEFFREY FENG The weather, the boys, the Santas and the presents were all hot. The drinks, the DJs and the guest were cool… See more on the DNA Facebook page. 94 DNA

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OKAY, I KNOW YOU’RE PROBABLY disappointed to discover that this is actually an article about looking after your hands rather than having some fun with them, but in my book the two are inexorably linked. After all, men make love with their hands and, being a part of the body that’s constantly on display, few parts of us come under quite such scrutiny. We’ve all heard about how much a man is judged by his shoes, he’s most certainly judged by the state of his hands – and, in particular, his nails. This is why a manicure (probably the simplest and quickest of all male grooming treatments) is one worth investing in. Taking as little as 20 minutes, they’re inexpensive, can be squeezed into a lunch hour and, best of all, you don’t need to slip into those scary disposable pants you get in spas to have one. But if you’re the kind of guy who baulks at the idea of paying for a hand job, how about giving yourself one at home? Here’s how… 1. SCRUB UP NICELY. Hands take quite a pounding – especially if you work outdoors or are lifting weights down at the gym every other day – so it’s little wonder unsightly calluses can form. To minimise them, exfoliate once or twice a week with L’Occitane One Minute Hand Scrub or simply use a blob of your favourite face scrub and wring between your hands with a little warm water. 2. CUT SQUARELY. Whether you use clippers or scissors, always cut fingernails straight across the top. Avoid trimming down the sides as this can lead to painful hangnails. Instead, you can smooth down the edges with a file (see next step). If your nails are as hard 96 DNA GROOMING/ with Lee Kynaston THE PERFECT Hand Job Take a minute to think of those hardworking paws, says grooming guru Lee Kynaston, and follow this handy advice… First things ffrst: L’Occitane One-Minute Hand Scrub.

as hooves, soften them by soaking them in warm water for a few minutes or by cutting immediately following a bath or shower. 3. GET FILING. Filing is a good way to give nails a professional finish, as well as the perfect way to smooth the edges so rough bits don’t rip your sheets to shreds! To prevent nail damage, though, avoid metal files (they’re too harsh) and use crystal files, working from the corners to the centre using continuous stokes. Don’t go back and forth like a madman as this can also damage the nail. 4. CREAM YOURSELF. Given that men’s hands are so susceptible to damage, a hand cream should be an essential part of your home manicure kit. Clarins Men Active Hand Care is worth having in your grooming armoury as it’s quickly absorbed and non-greasy. Or try Vitaman’s Paw Paw Skin Repair Crème (which contains healing allantoin and anti-bacterial tea tree oil) or Sukin’s Hand & Nail Cream. Apply twice a day, wring hands together and ensure every part, including the nails and nail beds are covered. 5. FACTOR UP. Hands are constantly exposed to sunlight so it’s little wonder they’re a prime location for uneven pigmentation and unsightly age spots. To help fade any you have and to prevent further ones developing use a hand cream like Clinique’s Even Better Dark Sport Correcting Hand Cream SPF15 which reduces pigmentation and, thanks to a built-in sunscreen, protects against UV damage too. 6. STAY BUFF. Although there are clear nail polishes aimed specifically at men, nails that are too shiny tend to look a little too considered and obvious. Instead, give your nails a natural-looking shine with the help of a nail buffer. MORE: Award-winning journalist Lee Kynaston is one of the UK’s best-known male grooming experts. He writes for numerous papers, magazines and websites. He blogs at groomingguru.co.uk. If you’re the kind of guy who baulks at paying for a hand job, how about giving yourself one at home? DNA 97 File for a professional ffnish. Cream yourself with Clarins Mains Active Hand Care. Top-right: Make discolouration blanche with Clinique’s targeted treatment. Last stop, get buff.

WHETHER YOU CALL it a chin-up or a pull-up, being able to lift your own body weight off the ground is a challenging feat for most, but when you conquer the pull-up it’s a hugely satisfying exercise that will help build muscle and tone the shoulders and back, creating a strength that will bring your sexy back. Try some of these modifications and tips in your routine and boost the workload of your back and more: OVER-GRASP PULL-UP (AKA “THE HEAVE”) With this, and all the modifications, you need to make sure you have a solid start. Ensure that when you suspend your body weight from the pull-up bar that you have “active” shoulders. By that I mean you have pulled your shoulder blades back and down and you can feel the muscles in your back activating ready to take the load. For strict heaves you need to begin with your knuckles facing the ceiling and hands outside the shoulders in width. Find the active shoulder position and then focus on squeezing your chest to the bar. You will have more success in achieving this move if you focus on lifting your chest rather than moving straight up and down. Try to get your chin above the height of the bar. If that is easy for you, then try to get your chest to touch the bar. Once complete, lower yourself to the starting position focusing on not >> DNA PT/ with Arron Ryan 98 DNA THE 1 TO 15 Jump up and do one pull-up then drop off and do 15 push-ups. Then do two pull-ups and 14 push-ups and so on until you finish with 15 pull-ups and one pushup. Get ready for the burn on this one! BRINGING SEXY BACK Put your back into it and master the chin-up. Arron gets a grip: The overgrasp heave.

The challenging one-under / one-over grip: an excellent exercise for beginning to develop more advanced calisthenics. DNA 99

100 DNA >> losing the active shoulders at the bottom. Strict heaves will enhance the lats, sub scaps (the subscapularis muscles that connect the shoulders and the chest), the rhomboids and teres major muscles to name just a few but also uses the pecs major and minor, deltoids, biceps and triceps to create shoulder stability and assist in the pulling motion. UNDER-GRASP PULL-UPS (AKA “THE CHIN UP”) Start by grasping the bar with your palms facing your face, activate your shoulders and, again, try and squeeze back and down on the shoulder blades popping the chest out. As with the heave, the idea is to get your chin over the bar. When that becomes easy, go for getting your chest to the bar. Really squeeze the back muscles as you touch the bar and you’ll find the extra range of motion will make your biceps and your lats work extra hard. This is a great way to build bigger arms without having to do a thousand bicep curls. For an extra challenge, try doing some holds at the top. Pull yourself up as high as you can go, hold for three to five seconds and then lower to the beginning. One to three reps is a good start, six to eight is strong, and above 10 is excellent. ALTERNATE GRIP PULL-UPS If you can already do the Over- and Undergrasps then challenge yourself by mixing it up – one hand over, and one hand under. It’s nasty to begin with but can become so much fun. As per before, take up the grip and create your active shoulders while hanging from the bar. Do as many reps as you need, then swap so that the opposite hands are over and under. This variation to the standard pull-up will make you move in a slightly altered pattern and make you adapt to varied stimulation. This is an excellent exercise for beginning to develop more advanced calisthenics. If all of these are just totally out of your league, don’t worry. I’ve seen guys go from zero to hero in a matter of months by using rubber-assistance bands or assisted pull-up machines in the gym. Keep to the point of trying and you will always be successful. So, the big question is, how do I incorporate this into my routine? Here are several challenging workouts you can do to improve your strength or endurance: Strength – Five sets of as many reps holding each rep for three to five seconds at the top. Endurance – Every minute on the minute complete 10 pull-ups for 10 minutes. Try and aim for a quantity that will afford you 25 to 30 seconds rest. If resting isn’t for you then do sit ups or squats until the next minute. Volume – One to 15, 15 to one. Jump up and do one pull-up then drop off and do 15 pushups. Then do two pull-ups and 14 push-ups and so on until you finish with 15 pull-ups and one push-up. Get ready for the burn on this one! PROTEIN, THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY Not all sources of protein are created equal when it comes to absorption and supporting muscle growth and weight maintenance. Consider that half the dry weight of your body is protein, over 100,000 different proteins. The quality of your proteins determines both the quality and the quantity of their effects on the genome. Protein is made up of amino acids. There are 20 amino acids that we need; nine of which are labelled as “essential” because the body cannot make them and must be consumed through our diets. These are called “complete” proteins and include dairy, chicken, beef, fish, and eggs. Foods that don’t have all nine essential amino acids are “incomplete” proteins – grains, beans, nuts and seeds. / DNA PT