Reader's Digest AUSTRALIA AUG2020

that that sanctimonious chump extra By melting me very carefully to
virgin olive oil was healthier than me. maintain my emulsified state, chefs
made me the foundation of sunny
I’m telling you, you should audi- hollandaise and herbal béarnaise
tion me again. I’m from the cream and just about every other classic
skimmed off milk. Does it get any sauce with body but no greasiness.
better than that? Cream contains I’ve always known when to act sub-
tiny fat globules that float around tly. My ghee, unlike my easy-to-
ignoring one another. Yet when you scorch milk solids, has a high smoke
shake, beat or churn them enough, point and is frying-friendly, so I’m the
amazing things happen. First cooking fat in India.
you incorporate air, whisking up
whipped cream; churn longer and In Europe, I first was peasant fare,
the fat globules start sticking togeth- as the rich were well-larded with
er until blobs of golden dairy fat are poultry and pork fat. But when me-
floating in watery milk – buttermilk. dieval Catholics OK’d me for meat-
Drain, wash, give it a knead or two, less Lent, I got a toehold in the up-
add some salt and ta-dah!: me! per-class diet.

Among cooking fats, my genius But then Emperor Napoléon III ran
dominates for a reason – I alone am low on butter for his troops and put
an emulsion of fat, water and milk out a call for someone to approxi-
solids. Being so emulsified might mate my sublime flavour and texture.
sound like meaningless nonsense, Some idiot flavoured milk with beef
but this is wildly important. Every tallow (ew), and a long line of poor
other fat you cook with is pretty much imitations followed. Later, scientists
just fat. But if you’ve dipped lobster altered vegetable oils to hydrogenate
in melted butter, you know I contain them, making them spreadable. Yes,
multitudes: I’m the white foam on margarine pushed itself onstage.
top (sugar and proteins), the cloudy Butter rationing during World War
liquid at the bottom (water), and the II helped margarine, too, especially
clear yellow stuff in between (ghee). when the government allowed pro-
ducers to add yellow colouring to its
It’s the way I shape-shift among unappetising pale grey shades.
these parts that makes me so good.
I’m solid and firm when cold, so you Read the headlines today and you’d
can layer me into puff pastry; when think I’d made a comeback, but my
baked, I melt, leaving behind tender saturated fat continues to be a contro-
and flaky layers. I can be softened at versial in the face of healthier options
room temperature just enough to be like the monounsaturated fats in ho-
creamed with sugar, trapping air for hum olive oil. But live a little, would
the lightest biscuit dough. ya? I’m butter, baby!

readersdigest.com.au 49

READER’S DIGEST

Apple and Blackberry Pie

Time: 2h 15 min Servings: minimum 8

FOR THE PASTRY PR E PA R AT I O N

◆ 250g plain flour ◆ In a large bowl, sift the flour and rub in the cold
◆ 150g Lurpak® Lurpak® until the mixture resembles fine
breadcrumbs. You can also do this in a food
Unsalted Butter, processor. Add the sugar, egg yolk and 1-2 tbsp
cold & cut into cold water to form a dough.
small pieces
◆ Knead very lightly to bring the pastry together,
◆ 1 tbsp caster then press down with the palm of your hand to
make a round disc. Cover with cling film and rest
sugar in the fridge for 30 mins.

◆ 1 egg yolk ◆ On a lightly floured work surface, roll the pastry
out to the thickness of a one-dollar coin (around
FOR THE FILLING 3mm thick) and line the bottom of a loose
bottomed 23cm fluted tart tin. Make sure the
◆ 6 large apples, pastry hangs over the sides in case of shrinkage.

skin on and ◆ Prick the bottom of the pastry with a fork and
thinly sliced chill in the freezer for 30 mins. Reserve the
leftover pastry, cover with cling film and chill in
◆ 250g the fridge.

blackberries ◆ Preheat your oven to 180°C/160°C fan force.

◆ 2 tbsp cornflour ◆ To make the filling, mix together all of the
◆ 100g caster ingredients, then tip them into the pastry-lined
tart tin.
sugar
◆ Roll out the remaining pastry and cut into long
◆ Zest of strips about 1cm wide. Make a lattice on top of
the pie and glaze with the beaten egg. Sprinkle
one orange generously with brown sugar and bake on the
middle shelf for 45-50 mins or until golden.
◆ Zest of
◆ Serve with ice cream or double cream.
one lemon

TO FINISH

◆ 1 egg,

lightly beaten

◆ Brown sugar

50 august 2020

BAKE UP SOME

FEEL GOOD

GOOD FOOD DESERVES LURPAK®

FIND THE RECIPE
ON THE LEFT

HOW PHOTOS: COURTESY MEGAN DUBOIS

STAR WARS

HELPED ME BOND
WITH MY DAD

52 august 2020

FAMILY

The epic space films hold a special place
in many people’s hearts, but their place in my

heart also includes my father

BY Megan duBois

M y dad and I have al- HOW IT ALL BEGAN
ways had a good re-
lationship. He was I have to admit, growing up, I’d nev-
the one who would er really been interested in Star Wars.
let me experiment In fact, I’d never even seen any of the
in the kitchen, the films. The old-school graphics of the
one who would travel to the Walt original movies seemed dull, and
Disney World theme parks in Orlan- I felt that I already knew the main
do, Florida. He would even sit back in parts of the story, thanks to my love
his recliner and watch a movie with of the Disney parks and riding Star
me late at night. Usually those mov- Tours at Hollywood Studios. That
ies were something from Disney, and changed when my dad and I saw a
those nights were always great. But preview for The Force Awakens in
when we started watching the Star early 2015. I was intrigued, and my
Wars saga, everything changed. dad was, too – I could see that little
My dad was introduced to the Star twinkle in his eye he gets when he’s
Wars universe when his grandpa excited about something.
took him to see A New Hope back in
1977, when it first came out in cine- When I told my dad I wanted to go
mas and it was still only called Star see the movie with him, he started
Wars. Fast forward more than 35 telling me about his love of the fran-
years later and my dad was taking chise, stories of waiting to see A New
me to see my first Star Wars film, Hope with his grandpa, and memories
The Force Awakens, when I was in he’s had locked away in the back of his
my mid-20s. I had no idea that this mind waiting for this exact moment.
franchise would become such a huge We made a date to go and see the film,
part of my life and help me become and the anticipation mounted as our
even closer to my dad. movie date day drew nearer. This was
his turn to pass down something he
had loved as a child to his own child.

readersdigest.com.au 53

READER’S DIGEST

The film was finally released that where we ate lunch at one of our fa-

December, and sitting next to each vourite restaurants, then headed to

other in the cinema – popcorn and the VOID. There, we literally stepped

drinks in hand – we laughed through into Star Wars by wearing a virtu-

parts with BB-8 and Rey, cheered al-reality helmet and a specialised

when Finn defected from the First vest and carrying a blaster to com-

Order and gasped when Kylo Ren plete a mission with K-2SO and Cas-

stared at a crumpled-up mask that sian Andor from Rogue One. After our

once belonged to his grandfather, mission, my dad couldn’t stop talking

Darth Vader. By the WHEN MY DAD about it.
time the movie was The rest of the

over, I was hooked. PULLED US INTO day was filled with
I spent the majority going on Hollywood
of the car ride back LIGHT SPEED, Studios’ Star Tours
home asking my dad I SHOUTED, ride and looking

all sorts of questions “PUNCH IT, DAD!” a rou nd t he St a r
about characters and Wars Launch Bay,

plots from the previ- where we waited in

ous films. We made a plan to watch line to meet Chewbacca, Kylo Ren,

the other six films in order at home so trade with Jawas, and marvel at some

I could understand more of this ex- of the costumes and props from the

panding universe. Star Wars films. Once our Epic Star

A NEW TRADITION Wars Day was over, we hopped in the
car to head home and started plan-

Watching the movies wasn’t enough. ning how we could make the next one

In our Star Wars giddiness, my dad even better. Little did we know then

and I decided to start a new annual what Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge theme

tradition called ‘Epic Star Wars Day’. destination would eventually have in

On this day, usually at the beginning store for us.

of the year, we drive the two hours GALAXY’S EDGE
from our house to Walt Disney World

and do everything there is to do re- As a theme-park journalist, I got a

lated to Star Wars at the parks and sneak peek of Star Wars: Galaxy’s

resorts. Edge before it officially opened to

When we did this for the first time guests in August 2019, and I couldn’t

in 2016, Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge was wait to show it to my dad. On the big

still three years away from opening. day, my dad’s excitement was palpa-

So, part of our first Epic Star Wars ble. He was already smiling from ear

Day was spent at Disney Springs, to ear when we walked through the

54 august 2020

Megan and her father share a moment with Captain Plasma of the First Order

passageway, heard the official John my dad, who used to fly helicopters in
Williams score, and turned the cor- the Navy back on Earth. He’s the most
ner to see a full-size X-Wing. Then skilled pilot in this group of nerf-
we crossed the entire land to start herders, and I know he would bring
out where most good Star Wars sto- in quite a few credits for Hondo. We
ries start: on the Millennium Falcon. could split the glory with you since
you assigned us as pilot.” Believe it
While in line for Millennium Fal- or not, it worked! Moments later, we
con: Smugglers Run, I told my dad were handed two pilot cards. When
that it was highly unlikely that we my dad pulled us into light speed, I
would be getting the prized role shouted, “Punch it, Dad!”
of the pilot on the ride… but what I
didn’t tell him was that I had an idea Once we got off the attraction, we
for how to increase our odds of mak- headed where all good pilots go to
ing that happen. When we got to the celebrate a job well done: the cantina.
front of the line, I said to the Disney
employee: “I heard Hondo is looking We’ve planned tons of special
for a few new pilots. Well, I brought Star Wars moments over the last few
years, including a Star Wars Day at

readersdigest.com.au 55

Theme parks give Star Wars fans the if we were actual Jedis. The moment
ultimate interactive experience we crossed the finish line was when
I got the most emotional because
Sea on a Disney cruise to celebrate I cherished the memories we just
my dad’s birthday last year. But one made walking five kilometres. The
of my all-time favourite things to gratitude for the memory was a sen-
do with my dad is the Star Wars 5K timent I’m sure my dad shared, too.
run at Disney World. We ran our first Our race has been cancelled this year
one three years ago, and we haven’t due to the coronavirus, so we’re just
looked back. going to have to use the Force even
more for next year’s race to make up
On the morning of the run, we for it.
had to wake up early. We were up no
later than 3.30 to drive to the start BRINGING US EVEN CLOSER
line in costumes I had painstakingly
worked on for a month. My favourite When Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalk-
was probably when my dad dressed er was released last year, I was invited
up as General Orson Krennic, and I to a première and allowed to bring a
was Kylo Ren. The dark side of the guest. Obviously, I brought my dad.
Force was definitely with us that As we got settled into our seats, we
morning as we crossed the finish reminisced about everything that
line. had led us to that point. We watched
the movie and saw C-3PO take one
By far the best part of the race was last look at his friends, Rey save Kylo
simply the time I got to spend with my Ren, and General Leia Organa fight
dad. As we walked through the park for her son.
with the sun just starting to peek over
the horizon, we were laughing and At that moment, I began to realise
joking around, waving lightsabres as that Star Wars embodied so many of
the characteristics I saw in my dad:
the selfless sacrifice to help me how-
ever he could, the endless amounts
of love, and the joy that comes with
a job well done.

That trip had another surprise in
store for us – and our relationship.
The morning after the première, I
was able to bring my dad to be among
the first to experience a new iteration
of Star Tours at Hollywood Studios
and Disney’s recently opened Star

56 august 2020

How Star Wars Helped Me Bond With My Dad

Wars: Rise of the Resistance. I loved After all of this TV time, we’ve be-

giving my dad the gift of being able come self-proclaimed experts and

to see all of this first; not many peo- have some pretty nerdy conversa-

ple get to experience that thrill. After tions at the dinner table, which my

we escaped the clutches of Kylo Ren sweet mother tolerates for a few min-

and the First Order utes each night.
and were welcomed WE WERE JOKING Even though Star

back to Batuu, my AROUND, WAVING Wars Day might
dad couldn’t speak LIGHTSABRES look a little bit dif-
for a few minutes. AS IF WE WERE ferent this year,
He loved it! It was we’re still looking

also the moment ACTUAL JEDIS forward to it. Aside
that really made him from some serious

understand what I’d Star Wars viewing,

been talking about for months and we’re planning a pretty epic dinner

why I do what I do for a living. It took comprised of dishes from Star Wars:

Star Wars to make that happen. Galaxy’s Edge: The Official Black

THE NEXT CHAPTER Spire Outpost Cookbook, including
Dagobah Slug Slinger cocktails and

When 2020 rolled around, my dad Ronto Wraps.

and I set out on a new adventure to For the past five years, Star Wars has

watch all of the Star Wars movies and brought my dad and I even closer than

series in story order, starting with the we were before. And it all started a

first three episodes, the animated long time ago in a galaxy not so far

series The Clone Wars and Star Wars away when his grandpa took him to

Rebels, and then eventually making see the original film. If my great-grand-

our way back to The Rise of Skywalk- pa could see what that one moment

er. Currently, we’re rewatching The turned into, I bet he would think that

Mandalorian. was money well spent.

New Words for Highly Specific Things

‘Funeral’ and ‘badminton’ should just swap their first three letters.

@PERRYFELLOW (NICHOLAS GUREWITCH)

Pigeon: the distance a pig travels in one eon.

@MISFARBER (DROPPED MIKE)

They should make erasers for crayons called ‘crayoffs’. @JB4REALZ

readersdigest.com.au 57

MEDICAL DRAMA PHOTO: PETER MURRAY

dgeaohsdttisulaydolAewdifnienmstloirbenredaedsiteec–tralairnlffrcignohaamlly

BY Ryan Prior

FROM CNN.COM

58 august 2020

readersdigest.com.au 59

READER’S DIGEST It was just after PHOTOS: (OPENING SPRE AD AND STORY, HAND LET TERING) MARIA AMADOR. THIS PAGE: COURTESY PEY TON WILLIAMS/ACCPHOTOS.COM
Christmas 2013, and
60 august 2020 David Fajgenbaum
was hovering a hair
above death.

He lay in a hospital
bed at the University
of Arkansas, his blood
platelet count so low
that even a slight bump
to his body could trigger
a lethal brain bleed.
A doctor told him to
write his living will on
a piece of paper.

David was rushed to a CT scan.
Tears streamed down his face and
fell on his hospital gown. He thought
about the first patient who’d died
under his care in medical school and
how her brain had bled in a similar
way from a stroke.

He didn’t believe he’d survive the
scan. But he did.

David was battling Castleman dis-
ease, a rare autoimmune disorder
involving immune cells attacking
vital organs. It wasn’t the first time a
relapse had threatened his life. Mas-
sive ‘shock and awe’ chemotherapy
regimens had helped him narrowly
escape death during four previous
attacks, but each new assault on his
body left him weaker and weaker.

PHOTO: COURTESY DAVID FAJGENBAUM “You learn a lot by almost dying,” He Cured His Own Disease
he says.
David
He learned enough to surprise his Fajgenbaum
doctors by coming up with a way to
treat his disease. Six years later, he’s during
in remission, he and his wife have a chetrmeaottmheernatpy
baby girl, and he’s devoting his med-
ical career to saving other patients readersdigest.com.au 61
with Castleman disease.

As a boy, David spent Saturdays
watching the North Carolina State
Wolfpack football team with his dad,
the team’s doctor.

At age seven, he was obsessed
with becoming a Division I athlete.
In high school, he would wake up at
5am to go running. The walls of his
bedroom were covered with football
play charts.

He achieved his dream, making
the Georgetown University football
team as a quarterback. But in 2004,
during his second year, his mother
died of a brain tumour.

His obsessive focus deepened,
helping him learn to appreciate life’s
precious moments and understand
that bad things happen to good peo-
ple. “I know people far more worthy
of miracles than I am who haven’t re-
ceived them,” he says. David founded
a support group for grieving univer-
sity students at Georgetown called
Students of AMF – an acronym for
Ailing Mothers and Fathers, as well
as his mother’s initials.

David went on to earn a master’s
degree at the University of Oxford,

READER’S DIGEST

where he received extensive training partly like an autoimmune condition PHOTOS: COURTESY RACHEL UTAIN-EVANS/RACHELUTAINEVANS.COM (LEFT). PETER MURRAY (RIGHT)
in complex scientific research – that and partly like cancer. It’s about as
he hoped would help him fight the rare as amyotrophic lateral sclero-
disease that took his mother. That sis (ALS); there are around 7000 new
relentless focus and scientific rigour cases each year in the US.
would one day save his life.
The disease causes certain im-
David entered medical school at mune-signalling molecules, called
the University of Pennsylvania to cytokines, to go into overdrive. It’s as
become a doctor like his father – if they’re calling in fighter jets for all-
out attacks on home territory.
“I don’t think I would
have felt comfortable In his hospital bed, David felt nau-
trying the treatment seated and weak. His organs were
on another patient; failing, and he noticed curious red
there were too spots on his skin. He asked each new
many unknowns. doctor who came in his room what
Who knew what the ‘blood moles’ meant. But his
problems could arise doctors, focused on saving his life,
when you shut down weren’t interested in them.
a volatile immune
system like mine” “They went out of their way to say
they didn’t matter,” David says. But
DAVID FAJGENBAUM, IN HIS BOOK the medical student turned patient
CHASING MY CURE would prove he was on to something.

specifically, an oncologist, in trib- “Patients pick up on things no one
ute to his late mother. else sees,” he says.

In 2010, during his third year, he Castleman disease struck David
got very sick and was hospitalised four more times over the next three
for five months. Something was at- years, with stays in hospitals that
tacking his liver, kidneys and other ranged from weeks to months. He
organs and shutting them down. lived through the intense chemo-
therapy ‘carpet bombing’ campaigns,
The diagnosis was idiopathic mul- but only just. During one relapse, his
ticentric Castleman disease. First de- family called in a priest to give him
scribed in 1954, Castleman presents his last rites.

After all the setbacks, all the or-
gan failure, all the chemo, David
worried that his body would simply
break. Yet despite it all, he managed
to graduate from medical school. He
also founded the Castleman Disease

62 august 2020

He Cured His Own Disease

David
awnidthdhaiusgwhitfeerCAamitelilnia

(left), and in
his office

Collaborative Network (CDCN), a recurrence would finally kill him.
global initiative devoted to fighting Staving off relapses meant flying to
Castleman disease. North Carolina every three weeks to
receive chemotherapy treatments.
Through the CDCN, he began
bringing the world’s top Cast le- Even so, he proposed to his uni-
man disease researchers together versity sweetheart, handing her a
for meetings in the same room. His letter written by his niece that said,
group worked with doctors and re- in part, “I’m a really good f lower
searchers as well as patients to pri- girl”.
oritise the studies that needed to be
done soonest. “The disease wasn’t a hindrance
to me,” says his now-wife, Caitlin
Rather than hoping for the right Fajgenbaum. “I just wanted to be
researchers to apply for grants, they together.”
recruited the best researchers to in-
vestigate Castleman. But in late 2013, Castleman struck
again, landing David back in hospi-
David also prioritised clinical tal. It marked his closest brush with
trials that repurposed drugs the death yet.
US Food and Drug Administration
(FDA) had already approved as safe Before he and Caitlin could send
rather than starting from scratch out their save-the-date postcards, Da-
with new compounds. Meanwhile, vid set out to try to save his own life.
he never knew whether the next
After examining his medical
charts, he zeroed in on an idea that

readersdigest.com.au 63

READER’S DIGEST

– more than 60 years after Castleman asked his doctor to prescribe the
disease was discovered – researchers drug. He picked it up in February
hadn’t yet explored. 2014 at a pharmacy less than two
kilometres from his home.
A protein called vascular endoth-
lial grow th factor, or V EGF, was “A drug that could potentially save
spiking at ten times its normal level. my life was hiding in plain sight,” he
David had learned in medical school says.
that VEGF controls blood vessel
So far, it’s working. David has been
“I was marrying in remission from Castleman for more
the girl of my dreams ... than six years. He’s not the muscu-
Here she was saying lar football player he once was, but
‘In sickness and in he’s close to full strength. He is now
health, until death do an assistant medical professor at the
us part,’ and I didn’t University of Pennsylvania, running
have to guess that she a research lab and enrolling patients
really meant it” in a clinical trial for the drug that has
given him his life back.
DAVID FAJGENBAUM, IN HIS BOOK
CHASING MY CURE In 2018, he and Caitlin be-
came parents when their daughter,
growth, and he hypothesised that Amelia, was born. “She’s such a little
the blood moles that had shown up miracle,” Caitlin says. “We’re so lucky
with every Castleman relapse were to have her.”
a direct result of that protein spike,
which signals the immune system to David hopes his story offers les-
take action. sons far beyond medicine about what
people can do when they’re backed
He also knew that there was an against a wall. And he feels his suffer-
immunosuppressant called siroli- ing means something when he looks
mus that was approved by the FDA in the eyes of his patients with Castle-
to help fight the immune system man disease.
when it activated against kidney
transplants. One girl, named Katie, was diag-
nosed at age two and endured 14 hos-
After consulting with a National pitalisations. Then her doctor pre-
Institutes of Health expert, David scribed David’s drug after the family
reached out to the CDCN. Katie hasn’t
been hospitalised since and just fin-
ished kindergarten. She has even
learned how to ride a bike.

CNN.COM (SEPTEMBER 16, 2019), © 2019 BY TURNER
BROADCASTING SYSTEMS, INC., CNN.COM.

64 august 2020

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READER’S DIGEST

66 august 2020

SEE THE WORLD...
Turn the page ››
readersdigest.com.au 67

READER’S DIGEST

...DIFFERENTLY

By looking up, visitors to
Rotterdam’s Market Hall can
marvel at an 11,000-square-

metre image projected
onto its ceiling. Artists Arno

Coenen and Iris Roskam
employed a computer
program used for making
animation films in Hollywood
to create giant fruit and ears of
wheat as big as cranes. If you
can tear your gaze from the
spectacular ceiling, you won’t
be disappointed as the food
market has dozens of stalls,
offering traditionally made
cheeses, exotic fruit, spices
from all over the world
and just about everything else

in between.

PHOTOS: ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

68 august 2020

readersdigest.com.au 69

READER’S DIGEST

LAUGHTER

The Best Medicine

Read the Signs How to Climb a Ladder

A police officer stops a car going Step 1:
Step 2:
75 km/h when the speed limit is 60. Step 3:

The officer asks the man driving if Via Reddit

he realises he was speeding. An Affair to Forget

The man replies, “Look right A weeping woman bursts into her
hypnotist’s office. “I have been
there – that sign says the speed faithful to my husband for 15 years,
but yesterday I had an affair!” she
limit is 75.” sobbed. “The guilt is killing me.
I just want to forget that it ever
The officer explains that that’s happened!”

the highway number, not the The hypnotist shakes his head
and sighs. “Not again ...”
speed limit. CARTOON: SHANAHAN
AS TOLD BY ALEX CHAMP,
As he says this, he looks in the HYPNOTIST, ON FACEBOOK

back of the car and sees an elderly

woman looking pale.

The officer asks her if she’s OK,

and she says, “Yes, we just got off

Highway 155.” Upjoke.com

70 august 2020

Office Joker Laughter

My boss just texted me: “Send me DEAD LINES
one of your funny jokes!”
An obituary for someone you don’t
I texted him back: “I’m busy know can seem bland, but these
working. I’ll send one later.” lines from real ones might make
you miss a person you never met:
“That’s hilarious,” my boss replied.
“Send another one!” “His regrets were few but
include eating a hot dog from
Fatherly.com
a convenience shop in the
SONNY DAYS summer of 2002.”

SON: There’s a man at the •
door collecting for the
community swimming pool. “His wife refuses to honour his
DAD: OK. Give him a glass request to have him standing
of water. in the corner of the room with
a glass of Jack Daniel’s in his
A man is washing his car hand so that he would appear
with his son.
more natural to visitors.”
The son asks, “Dad, can’t
you just use a sponge?” •

TEACHER: If you had $1 and “When the doctors confronted
you asked your father for his daughters with the news
another, how many dollars that ‘Your father is a very sick
would you have? man,’ in unison they replied,
BOY: One. ‘You have no idea.’”
TEACHER: You don’t know
your arithmetic. •
BOY: You don’t know my father.
“He despised canned cranberry
jokes.boyslife.org sauce, wearing shorts, cigarette
butts in his driveway, porridge,

loud-mouth know-it-alls,
Tabasco sauce, reality TV shows

and anything to do with
the Kardashians.”

Loveliveson.com and The New York Times

readersdigest.com.au 71

TECHNOLOGY

Motion Pillow

iFetch

Weird and Wonderful

From self-lacing trainers to a pillow that stops you from

72 august 2020

ProFlight
Panthera Cat

Toy Drone

Ruggie

Inventions BY Andy Simmons
ILLUSTRATIONS BY Louise Pomeroy

snoring, these innovations will blow your mind – and budget

readersdigest.com.au 73

READER’S DIGEST

For years, Kernza

Donna had been desperate to get a ridiculously chirpy morning person?
good night’s sleep. The problem: her It’s Donna’s new alarm clock. Bitten
husband. He snored. Like a train. by the gadget bug, Donna bought the
Donna tried the standard fixes: ear- Ruggie for $69. It’s the only clock that
plugs for her (uncomfortable and gets her out of bed – quite literally.
ineffective), mouth guards and nose
gizmos for him (ditto) and shoving First, it rouses her using music,
him (again, ditto). Then she heard those chirpy words of affirmation, or
about a really out-there solution an alarm that can hit 120 decibels – a
called the Motion Pillow. din akin to a pneumatic drill. When
Donna reaches for the snooze button,
Made by Korean company Ten- she is confronted by the fact that the
Minds, the pillow has four pres- Ruggie doesn’t have one. To make it
sure-sensing airbags that connect to stop, she has to haul herself out of
an outside microphone on a bedside bed and stand on a foam mat – the
table. Once the mic detects her hubby ‘rug’ in Ruggie – for up to 30 seconds.
shaking the walls, it automatically in- At that point, she is soundly awake.
flates the airbags, which gently repo-
sition his head until he stops snoring. Now that you know all about
Donna doesn’t always go for the ex-
pensive gadgets – but when she heard
that the Motion Pillow won an Inno-
vations Award 2020 from the Con-
sumer Technology Association, she
decided to take the US$378* plunge.
And it works! In fact, when she’s cross
with her husband, she makes snoring
sounds just so the pillow will take his
head on a roller-coaster ride.

These days, her husband’s snoring
no longer wakes Donna up – some
strange woman does: “Morning,
Champ! Remember, all our dreams
can come true if we have the cour-
age to pursue them!” Who is this

74 august 2020

Air-Ink Bacon Patch

Used in cereals

and bread, Kernza

Donna’s sleeping habits, (above left) is a doesn’t help. Fortunately,
here’s something else you perennial grain that a professor at England’s
preserves soil health

should know about her: hallowed University

she’s not real. But all the devices she of Oxford is developing the Bacon

encounters in this story are. A few Patch. It’s a nicotine-style patch you

are still in the development stage, but wear on your arm; scratch it and it re-

most are available right now. They leases an aroma redolent of fatty ba-

might not change the world, but they con. “Studies have shown that scent

are delightful in their own quirky can reduce food cravings,” insists its

ways. Even if you wouldn’t benefit creator, Charles Spence. Really? That

from owning any, it’s fun to read about smells fishy to some sceptics. “If I can

the weird things that marketers and smell bacon,” one bacon eater told

inventors are coming up with. the Telegraph when it reported on the

faux-porcine product, “I’ll want it.”

WHICH BRINGS US back to Donna. Donna’s actual healthy breakfast

As it happens, she has high choles- is a non-earth-shattering bowl of

terol, and her weakness for bacon Honey Toasted Kernza Cereal from

readersdigest.com.au 75

READER’S DIGEST

Rollbot

RollBot is a robot

designed to deliver

a fresh roll of

Cascadian Farm. Kern- toilet paper Using infrared sensors,

za is a new grain that has the self-balancing robot

been touted as a possible saviour for emblazoned with a teddy bear face

our warming planet. Because it’s a arrives bearing a precious roll of

perennial – unlike wheat, oats and preloaded toilet paper.

barley – it sucks greenhouse gases Saved by the robot, Donna con-

from the air and traps them in its tinues to get ready for her day. She

roots, much like a tree. It also soaks opens her dresser drawer and pulls

up nitrogen, a fertiliser ingredient out a pair of Sensoria Smart Socks.

that has been blamed for polluting The socks ($199) have a dock for a

streams and rivers. microelectronic chip that wireless-

Alas, Kernza is high in fibre, so off ly relays data about cadence, pace,

to the bathroom Donna goes. “Poop heart rate and more to an app on

anxiety is real,” a spokesperson for Donna’s phone. You can’t wear low-

Charmin, a toilet paper brand, told tech shoes with high-tech socks, so

CNN. And Donna agrees, especially Donna also bought a $400 pair of

when she realises she’s out of toilet self-lacing trainers, the Adapt BB

paper. She calls to her husband, but 2.0, which were created by Nike for

of course he’s still asleep. So she fires athletes. All Donna need do is insert

up the Charmin app on her phone, her foot into the trainer, and digital

and the Rollbot comes to the rescue. sensors inside the sole do the rest by

76 august 2020

Weird and Wonderful Inventions

deducing her foot size and automati- stops to write a note for her hubby.
cally closing around it. She reaches for a pad and her favour-
ite pen ever, the Air-Ink from Gra-
DONNA MAY BE in good shape, but viky. The pen (available only as a pro-
totype) literally writes with polluted
her pudgy pets could use some help. air from captured carbon emissions.
For her dog, she bought the iFetch A cylindrical device called KAAL-
($115), a small blue-and-white ma- INK fits around a car’s tailpipe and
chine that sits on the floor and auto- captures up to 99 per cent of its black
matically launches a tennis ball up to particulate matter, which in turn is
ten metres. The dog retrieves the ball converted into inks and paints.
and drops it into the hole at the top,
and the iFetch launches it again. Donna opens the door to a beauti-
ful day. If she were wearing the Mojo
When cats dream, they envision Lens, a smart augmented reality (AR)
themselves prowling the Serengeti contact lens from Mojo Vision, she’d
stalking wildebeests. So Donna know it was 22°C outside because the
bought Kitty the ProFlight Panthera lens would tell her. Donna has been
Cat Toy Drone. As its name implies, coveting one for a while, though it’s
it’s a drone, but this $100 novelty flies not for sale yet. The lens is activat-
around the room dangling a small ed by eye movement and powered
toy for the cat to chase. It even has a by a minuscule battery that lives on
built-in camera so Donna can watch the lens itself. Microelectronics are
Kitty from her phone. Donna’s not used to project images on the tiniest
concerned about the damage it might of built-in displays. Users can call up
cause indoors because the drone is information, scroll through text and
fitted with anti-collision technolo- even watch videos.
gy that monitors its surroundings to
avoid crashing into obstacles, while Because the technology fades away
the auto altitude function lets you when you want to focus on the world
maintain a steady height. around you, says Mojo Vision CEO
Drew Perkins (the lens hides what-
Before leaving the house, Donna ever was being displayed), it makes
walking busy streets safe, unlike
Adapt BB 2.0 when you’re looking at your smart-
phone. Which, luckily, Donna doesn’t
happen to be doing at the moment –
or else she would have been clipped
by a speeding suitcase gunning for
her at ten kilometres per hour.

The Ovis Suitcase ($640) is a

readersdigest.com.au 77

READER’S DIGEST

self-propelled carry-on that uses relayed in German. The Ambassador
cameras, facial-recognition technol- translates 20 languages and 42 dia-
ogy and a tracking algorithm to travel lects. Donna bids the tourist and his
hands-free with its owner, avoiding Ovis auf Wiedersehen, then walks to
collisions as it wends its way through her favourite restaurant.
crowds. “Essentially,” says Nicolas
Chee, founder and CEO of ForwardX, Minutes later, her friend enters
“we’ve given the Ovis Suitcase a pair wearing stylish sunglasses. “Elaine!”
of eyes and a brain.” Donna calls out. Elaine slowly walks
over and takes a seat without assis-
It’s like luggage and a pet all in one, tance, remarkable because she is
but you don’t have to pick up after the blind. Since she was fitted with the
suitcase. Orion Visual Cortical Prosthesis
System from California-based firm
THE OVIS DOES a U-turn and re- Second Sight, she has led a more
active life.
turns to Donna, this time accompa-
nied by its owner, a German tourist. Those stylish sunglasses carry a
He holds two Ambassador earpieces, camera and video-processing unit
audio devices with built-in micro- (VPU). Implanted in the visual cor-
phones that translate on the spot. He tex of Elaine’s brain is a tiny chip
puts one earpiece over his ear, and containing 60 electrodes. The wire-
Donna does the same with the other. less VPU converts images from the
He asks in German how to get to the camera into electrical pulses, which
train station, but Donna hears the are transmitted to the electrodes on
question in English. She responds in Elaine’s brain, which then figures
English, and he nods, understand- out what she is looking at. People
ing everything since her words are and objects appear as dots of light.
“You don’t even need to have eyes for
Orion Visual the device to work,” says neurosur-
Cortical geon Dr Nader Pouratian, who has
implanted the device in patients.
Prosthesis
System The waitress comes by, and Elaine
orders a burger. Tempted by a bacon
cheeseburger at the next table, Don-
na wishes again that she had that
Bacon Patch. Instead, she orders a
salad, and the two chat away. Elaine
brags about the holiday her son took:
he rode a bicycle across a lake.

Well, not exactly a bicycle. He rode a

78 august 2020

Ovis Suitcase

The Ovis Suitcase’s

battery allows it

to faithfully follow

its owner for up

Ma n t a 5 H y d r o f o i l e r to 20 kilometres a suitcase but a car that

XE-1 Bike, which web- almost gets her.

site digitaltrends.com calls “the un- She knows she has a dangerous

holy offspring of a boat, a plane and habit – pedestrian deaths are climbing

an e-bike.” (It also has an unholy – but is happy about the protection on

price tag: $8990.) Instead of wheels, the way. Fred Jiang, assistant professor

the Manta5 is “equipped with a set of of electrical engineering at Columbia

hydrofoils, which essentially function University, is working out the kinks

like wings in the water. As you pedal on his Smart Headphones. When

and propel the bike forwards, water they’re perfected, four miniature

passes over these wings and creates microphones will “differentiate car

lift, much like plane wings create lift.” sounds from background noise,” says

mashable.com, and work with an app

AS DONNA IS CROSSING the street to calculate the distance and position

after lunch, she gets a text from her of cars in order to alert wearers when

husband: “How do I turn off the they are in danger of being run over.

@$%^ iFetch?!” With her head bur- That sounds wonderful to Donna.

ied in her mobile phone, she texts Back home, she switches off the

back, “I’m coming home!” Donna iFetch and joins her husband on the

is a ‘twalker’, someone who texts couch to watch TV. But the screen

while walking, and this time it’s not is nowhere in sight. Donna taps a

readersdigest.com.au 79

READER’S DIGEST

Manta5 Hydrofoiler
XE-1 Bike

The Manta5

water bike can

slice through

button on a remote, and water at 20 km/h The brainchild of Ben

a 65-inch screen un- Zhao and Heather Zheng,

furls from a rectangular box sitting married computer science profes-

on a stand. It’s a prototype of the sors, this piece of “digital armour”, as

not-yet-available LG Signature OLED the New York Times calls it, “will jam

TV R9. Kept erect by numerous thin the Echo or any other microphones

horizontal bars and a pair of riser in the vicinity from listening in on

arms on its back, the screen can be the wearer’s conversations.” Not yet

raised some 50,000 times before po- on sale, the large, clunky plastic cuff

tentially breaking down from wear, is dotted with 24 small speakers that

according to LG. emit imperceptible ultrasonic signals

Donna’s husband puts an arm to jam prying microphones.

around her. Overcome with love After whispering sweet nothings

for him, snoring and all, she wants into her husband’s ear, Donna calls up

to tell him how she feels. But their Amazon Prime Video and orders a

virtual assistants, such as Amazon classic film, Casablanca. Sometimes

Echo and Google Home, may be lis- the old stuff is still the good stuff.

tening to them, so she pulls out the

Bracelet of Silence, and slips it on * All prices cited in this article are in

her wrist. US dollars.

80 august 2020

ILLUSTRATION: GEL JAMLANG ADVENTURE

A Message
in a Bottle

When a family becomes trapped at the top of
a raging waterfall, they pin their hopes of rescue

on a plan with little chance of succeeding

BY Jen McCaffery

readersdigest.com.au 81

urtis Whitson knew the waterfall was
coming. He’d rafted down the Arroyo
Seco, a river in central California, before.
He figured he would hop out of his raft

C into the shallow water, abseil down the
rocks on either side of the falls, and
continue on his way, as he had on a previous trip.
But this year was different. Heavy As he pondered what to do, Whit-

snow and spring rains had turned son hit on a bit of luck – he heard

the usually manageable falls into voices coming from the other side of

something fierce. And instead of the falls. He yelled, but the sound of

his usual companion, he had his the rushing water drowned him out.

girlfriend, Kr ystal Ramirez, and We have to get these people a mes-

13-year-old son, Hunter with him. sage, Whitson thought.

As the trio approached the falls in He grabbed a stick and pulled out

the late afternoon of the third day of his pocketknife to carve ‘Help’ in it.

their camping trip, Whitson could Then he tied a rope to it so the people

tell from the increasing roar of water would know it wasn’t just any stick.

in the narrowing canyon that they He tried tossing it over the falls, but it

were in serious trouble. There was no floated away in the wrong direction.

way they’d be able to abseil down the “We’ve got to do something!” Whit-

rocks as planned. son yelled to his son. “Have we got

“ The water was just gushing anything else?”

through there with THERE WAS NO Then he spotted
tremendous force,” his green plastic

recalls Whitson, 45. WAY THEY’D BE water bottle. Whit-
They could wade ABLE TO ABSEIL son grabbed it and
DOWN THE ROCKS carved ‘Help!’ on
to the shore, but it. Krystal also re-
would anyone find

them there? They AS PLANNED minded him that
had no mobile he had a pen and

phone service, and paper, which she’d

they hadn’t seen a single person brought to play games with, in his

in the past three days. And Whit- backpack.

son knew that they’d be sharing the Whitson knew it was a long shot.

ground with snakes and mountain But he scrawled ‘6-15-19 We are

lions. stuck here @ the waterfall. Get help

82 august 2020

A Message in a Bottle

please’ and shoved the note into the The helicopter circled as the pilot

bottle. looked for a good place to land.

This time, his throw over the wa- Finding none, the crew announced

terfall was perfect. to the campers over the PA system

“All right, that’s all we can do,” that they would not be rescued until

Whitson told Hunter. morning and told them to conserve

It took 30 min- BEFORE TURNING their firewood.
utes to navigate The next morn-

back upstream to IN, THEY STOKED ing, the helicop-
the beach where THE FIRE TO KEEP ter returned and
they’d had lunch. lowered a crew
They made a fire THE MOUNTAIN member down on

and laid out a tarp. LIONS AWAY a cable. Then res-
With no reasonable cuers slowly lifted

expectation that Hunter, Krystal

their message in a bottle would find and Whitson out of the gorge one by

its way to anyone, they spelled out one and deposited them and their

SOS in white rocks, which they set gear on the closest bluff where the

on the blue tarp. As the evening wore helicopter could safely land.

on, they placed a headlamp with a It was a moment of pure happiness

flashing light on a ledge so that the as the three chatted with the officers

SOS could be seen from overhead. who had rescued them. Together,

By about 10.30pm, they decided they marvelled at the unlikelihood

they probably weren’t going to get of it all.

rescued that night, so they pulled “They said that in the 25 years

out their sleeping bags. Before turn- that they’ve been performing these

ing in, Krystal stoked the fire to keep kinds of rescues, no one’s ever been

the mountain lions away. rescued by a message in a bottle,”

Then, just after midnight, they Whitson says.

heard a helicopter hovering above When the officers dropped them

them. Whitson turned to his son and back at t he A rroyo Seco Camp-

started shaking him. ground, the trio learned more about

“They’re here!” he said. the long-shot events that had saved

Whitson ran over to the headlamp them. Two men had seen the water

and started flashing it at the heli- bottle bobbing in the water. When

copter. The three of them were wav- they picked it up, they noticed the

ing and shouting when they heard the writing on it – ‘Help!’ – which piqued

magic words: “This is Search and Res- their curiosity. Then they realised

cue. You have been found.” there was a note inside. After they

readersdigest.com.au 83

READER’S DIGEST

read it, they quickly “IT WASN’T Whitson. That’s
went to the camp- ABOUT NOTORIETY; when he learned
ground, turned the the rest of the story.

bottle in, and took IT WASN’T ABOUT There were actually
off without leaving two little girls hik-
their names. LEAVING THEIR ing with the men
NAMES” that day. It was the
“It wasn’t about

notoriety; it wasn’t girls who first spot-

about leaving their ted the bottle and

names,” Whitson says. “It was just swam to get it. Whitson is planning

a matter of: here’s the water bottle, on having a big barbecue to meet the

here’s the note, here’s the information hikers – and thank them.

we know.” “I imagine it’s going to be one of

A few days after news of the rescue the greatest moments of my life,”

broke, one of the hikers contacted Whitson says.

Artificial or Real? That Is the Question

Researchers at IBM Research Australia, the University of Toronto
and the University of Melbourne used an artificial intelligence (AI)
bot to analyse more than 2600 sonnets by William Shakespeare.
They then asked the AI to use what it had ‘learnt’ to create its own
poem. Can you tell which of the two stanzas below was penned by

the Bard and which one was written by a machine?

A: With joyous gambols gay and still array
No longer when he twas, while in his day

At first to pass in all delightful ways
Around him, charming and of all his days

B: Thy glass will show thee how thy beauties wear
Thy dial how thy precious minutes waste

The vacant leaves thy mind’s imprint will bear
And of this book this learning mayst thou taste

ANSWER: THE MACHINE WROTE A; SHAKESPEARE WROTE B.

84 august 2020

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86 august 2020

FIRST PERSON

PLANTING
SEEDS

HoOFpe
In my darkest days, gardens have
offered the promise of new life

BY Sara B. Franklin

FROM LONGREADS.COM

PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES The day after schools and drawn out into the garden, still cov-
our three-year-old twins’ ered with mulch for its wintry slumber.
daycare centre closed, due Poking around, I saw early signs of life;
to the Covid-19 outbreak, the rhubarb had poked its rippling,
I sent the kids to their fuchsia crowns out of the earth, and
babysitter one final time – frantic the tiny frills of wild nettles were sev-
for a couple hours to get a few things eral centimetres high in the untended
done before I turned myself over to back corner. The chives, too, had sud-
motherhood, all day, every day, for denly shot up in the preceding days’
the foreseeable future. warmth. It seemed too early, I thought,
running back in my mind over all my
There were piles of laundry to years of planting. But then, this was
do and a shopping list that needed the winter that never was, the deep
tending, urgently. But I found myself

readersdigest.com.au 87

READER’S DIGEST

freeze that never came. The unease garden she’d tended when I was a kid.
has been around us for months now. The garden had sat, abandoned,
The geese came home early, turtles
are resting on logs already, the frogs in recent years, and had become
out in the pond a full month ahead. overrun with weeds. I envisioned
the cathartic pleasure of ripping all
I wasn’t ready, but the earth was those invasive weeds out, turning
ready; the plants were telling me old manure into the dirt, pushing all
so. So I pulled my box of seeds from my fury and confusion back into the
the kitchen shelf. In the shed out the earth as if to purge myself of it.
back, I wrangled a sharply-tipped
hoe from behind a mess of bikes and That morning after her death,
lawn chairs. In the garden, I knelt so many months sooner than we’d
over a bed, pulled aside the browned anticipated, I went through the bro-
grass clippings from the last mow- ken screen door and onto the back
ing of autumn, made two shallow steps where I’d stowed the garden-
rows, and dropped seeds into the ing supplies. I emptied a few hand-
ground – tiny, almond-shaped lettuce fuls of cool, loamy potting soil into
seeds and those of kale and mustard a plastic seed tray, and carried it
greens, like burgundy poppy seeds. back indoors. Gently, I pushed a pea
seed, wrinkled and grey-green, into
It might be too early, I thought as I each compartment, then nudged a
sprinkled the harbingers of life into bit of soil over their tops. I took the
place, but it’s worth a shot. Anything tray to the kitchen, sprinkled the
hopeful, right now, is worth a shot. whole thing with water, and set it
on a sunny windowsill.
I should know. I’ve been here before,
in another time, another life, it seems. The impulse had come from some-
where beneath consciousness, a des-
I WOKE THE MORNING after my perate bid to catalyse new life in the
mother took her last breath, on immediate wake of death. Time had
March 8, 2008, and I padded down been frozen those past few weeks, as
the stairs of my childhood home in we spent idle, torturous days by my
the weak late winter light. I was emp- mum’s bedside, waiting for death to
tied out, exhausted, bewildered and come for her and also desperate to
totally unmoored. I was 21 years old. keep it at bay.
Before coffee, and without thinking,
I reached for a packet of seeds; I’d or- Pushing seeds into soil, I felt myself
dered a whole season’s worth when calling down the spirits of time, beg-
I moved home to help my mother ging them to bring me back into their
– who had pancreatic cancer – die, folds: please, let me rejoin this life.
planning to revive the vegetable I’m emptied out, but I’m not done.

Now, 12 years later, I can’t seem to

88 august 2020

Planting Seeds of Hope

leave my garden. Something about the itself for nearly an hour now. My fin-

scene is so reminiscent of those days gers are caked in dirt, two knuckles

when we were awaiting my mother’s broken open and bleeding. I relish

death – immediate family only, no one the tiny hurt. The garden, now, is

coming in, no one going out. Time was the only place I can find a pool of

leaden, then, swimming as if through stillness, can channel something of

oil, distorted and heavy. Now, too, all reality.

of us, hold our breaths for the next My children run about the yard

death toll, the latest confirmation of wielding sticks, suddenly feral with

encroaching shutdown the dissolution of rou-
and pending isolation. THE GARDEN, tine and socialisation.
NOW, IS THE The dogs are delight-
I SCROLL AIMLESS- ONLY PLACE ed and surprised to
have us home all day,
LY and endlessly on

my phone as the kids I CAN FIND and they leap about,
stack broken bricks in A POOL OF pulling a toy back and
the yard, or watch too STILLNESS forth between them-
much TV, or whine for selves and growling
my attention. I hardly gustily.

hear them. I should be I crouch again, pull

present to my children, I want to be, at weeds, stomp a shovel into mulch,

I admonish myself. But I’m hanging and turn earthworms into the com-

on the edge of time, waiting for some- post pile. I need things here, in this

thing definitive to happen. Nothing garden, to hurry up and show them-

comes, of course. Only the expan- selves, to tell me we’re still moving

sion of fear and regulation, a looming forwards, somehow, in this sudden

mass of edgy uncertainty that’s taken suspension of time. I need to believe

all of us into its hungry maw. it’s a pause, not a cessation. Come

In the garden, on another warm on, I seem to be saying to it all, come

day, I straighten my body momen- on. We’ve got mettle to prove. We’re

tarily to ease the ache in my back. not ready to go yet.

I’ve been shoving the garden fork LONGREADS.COM (MARCH 2020),
into the cool soil to turn it up over © 2020 BY SARA B. FRANKLIN

Running on Coffee

I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart,
but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. FLASH ROSENBERG

readersdigest.com.au 89

FINISH THIS SENTENCE … to make
my own

mayonnaise.

The First Thing I VINCENT
DEBERQUE,

FRANCE

Learned in Isolation Was…

… that what … that
seemed the most during
important (work) lockdown
the planet
can actually is recovering
wait. from us.

ELENA LOPEZ, SONIA MARÍA,
MEXICO COSTA RICA

… fear … that there … that
is no enemy who we are
MARTHA LAMOTA, too small. depends on
ECUADOR
JORGE ALBERTO others.
GARZON NARVAEZ,
FÁTIMA CORDEIRO,
COLOMBIA PORTUGAL

… that I … that
should have Paraguayans,
bought that
exercise machine despite our
when I had the love of drama,
can keep our sense
chance.
of humour.
ED BAUTISTA,
PERU MARIELA PANIAGUA,
PA R AG UAY
90 august 2020

… how … that it´s
pleasant an silly to hoard
old-fashioned toilet paper.
game of cards
RITVA LÖNNQVIST,
can be. FINLAND

GERT VAN WESEMAEL,
BELGIUM

… that there … that you
are many can eat garlic
with a much
people willing
to help me. clearer
conscience.
JANS WESTLAND,
THE NETHERLANDS

… that my … that no MICHAEL,
hair grows one can serve GERMANY
faster than you better than
I thought. … that the
yourself. cat thinks
MAKS, I’m a chair.
SLOVENIA DEEPA SEHGAI,
INDIA JANE TOBIN,
NEW ZEALAND
… I shouldn’t
have worked
that hard all

my life.

… to train AH MAR,
my positive MYANMAR
thoughts and
to get them … that the
to gain muscle. neighbours
are noisy!

PAOLA DI MARCO, DENISE MEURANT,
SPAIN AUSTRALIA

readersdigest.com.au 91

DIET

Food
for
Fitness

What, if anything,
should you eat before

a workout?

BY Alexa Erickson

Do you like working out question: whether it makes more
on an empty stomach, or sense to eat before or after your
need the benefit of having sweat session.
some fuel in the tank to
help power you through a morning TIMING MATTERS
of exercise? Whether your goal is
to burn fat or build muscle mass, In a 2017 study published in the
here’s what scientists discovered American Journal of Physiology:
when they investigated the impact Endocrinology and Metabolism,
the timing of our food choices have UK researchers had a group of
on our exercise habits. overweight males walk for one
hour at 60 per cent maximum
While more studies are needed, oxygen consumption on an empty
scientists recently came to some stomach; then, on another day,
conclusions about one important they had them walk again for two

92 august 2020

as a result of the volunteers fasting
and exercising and decreased when
they ate before exercising.

The researchers believe that
the rise in PDK4 likely shows
that stored fat was used to fuel
metabolism during exercise as
opposed to carbohydrates from
food and that HSL increased when
the fat tissue used stored energy to

“IT TAKES SEVERAL
HOURS TO FULLY FINISH

THE RESPONSE TO
DIGESTING A MEAL”

FROM RD.COM; PHOTO: SHUTTERSTOCK hours after eating a high-kilojoule, benefit a boost in exercise. In short:
high-carbohydrate breakfast. The when the volunteers exercised
researchers collected multiple without a pre-workout snack, they
blood samples after eating and burned off body fat instead of fuel
while fasting, as well as after from food.
exercising. They also took adipose
tissue (fat) samples directly before According to Dylan Thompson,
and after an hour of walking. one of the study authors, the results
support the view that fat tissue
BURNING BODY FAT often faces competing challenges.
“For instance, after eating it is
The results showed differences in busy responding to the meal, and
gene expression of the fat tissue in a bout of exercise at this time will
the two trials. The two genes they not stimulate the same beneficial
looked at, PDK4 and HSL, increased changes in adipose or fat tissue,”
he says.

“This means exercise in a
fasted state might provoke more
favourable changes in adipose
tissue,” he says, “and could be
beneficial for health in the
long term.”

readersdigest.com.au 93

READER’S DIGEST

WHAT EXACTLY It’s actually less important how
IS FASTING? you refuel post-exercise, especially
if you’re active generally. “This is
How long do you have to forego food only really an issue for people who
to meet their definition of fasting? “It are looking to train more than one
can take several hours to fully finish time on one day,” Thompson says.
the response to digesting a meal,” “This is therefore important for
says Thompson. “The best advice more serious athletes, but for
would be to ensure that your last everyone else, it is probably fine
meal was four hours before exercise to follow a normal meal pattern
to get the effect that we reported. without worrying too much
Or exercise before breakfast – this is about refuelling.”
exactly what we did.”

What’s in a Name?

A Swedish mother wanted to have the name of her two year old
tattooed on her arm. Although Kevin is not a complicated name,
the tattoo artist managed to misspell it by adding an l, turning it
into Kelvin. The mother was horrified. But after learning it would

take multiple treatments to remove the tattoo, she and her
husband came up with a far simpler and less painful fix:
They changed their son’s name to Kelvin. CTV NEWS

A New Zealand post office had the task of delivering a parcel
‘2 Kay + Philip’, with no surname or proper street address and
one mangled clue: “On a farm, situated up a long drive with cows,
opposite Cust pub or thereabouts.” Amazingly, they found the
rightful recipients after the postal worker left the parcel with the
owner of a service station in the village of Cust in North Canterbury,

which has a population of 450. The service station put the
‘address’ on Facebook. More than 2300 people shared it,
and soon a man named Philip walked into the post office and said,

“I think we own this parcel.” THE GUARDIAN

For new parents looking for unusual baby names, a baby website
has recently revealed its top picks. For girls: Breeze, Fable, Gypsy,
Spring and Sugar. For boys: Cub, Fender, Rhaegar (from Game of

Thrones) and Marlin (from Finding Nemo). BOUNTYPARENTS.COM.AU

94 august 2020

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READER’S DIGEST

ALL IN A DAY’S WORK

Humour on the Job

Under Groomed

A colleague once showed
up to the office in a white
wedding dress with a
crinoline, beading – the
works. When our manager
asked why she’d worn her
wedding dress to the office,
my colleague replied,
“I was out of clean clothes
and didn’t feel like doing
the laundry.”

LAUREN EMILY ON FACEBOOK

No Cure Available “You can call me dude or keep the CARTOON: MIKE SHAPIRO; ILLUSTRATION: GETTY IMAGES
pony tail... pick one.”
The medical school at the
university where I work was I was responsible for answering
once celebrating an event and all of them. It was a constant
decided to hand out gift pens repeat of “May I help you?” or
with the inscription ‘Faculty “Will you hold?” I think I got
of Medicine’. The more you confused because I surprised one
bought from the supplier, man on the other end of the line
the lower the cost, so the university when I answered his call with,
bought 2000 pens. When the pens “May I hold you?”
arrived, all 2000 of them read:
‘Faulty of Medicine’. SUBMITTED BY VERA GRANGER

SUBMITTED BY ROBERT HALSTEAD

Friendly Service

Our booking office had three
phones. One day during lunch,

96 august 2020

All In a Day’s Work

Potty Humour Wicked Wife

I was working from home, My husband is in a work Zoom
interviewing a famous neurologist
for an article, when my three year meeting, so every few minutes
old announced she had to go potty
and waddled into the bathroom. I silently walk behind him dressed

After some loud moans, she yelled, as a new character from the
“I did it, Mum! I pooped in the toilet!
I pooped on the floor too! But I’ll musical Wicked. @LIZ_HACKETT
clean it! Oh, I stepped in it!”
Hard Worker
There was an uncomfortable
silence as I realised the doctor ME: I’m overwhelmed, exhausted, too
had heard every word. many tasks. Help! What can be done?
Will I live this way forever?
“Ha ha,” I laughed nervously.
“Do you have kids?” ME, AFTER REPLYING TO ONE EMAIL:

“No,” he said, “and I never will.” I’m magnificent; what a powerful
workhorse. Time to celebrate with a
SUBMITTED BY CHARLOTTE ANDERSEN beer – reward this titan of industry!

@KRISTEN_ARNETT

Customer Knows Best Rule of Law

I said “Sorry for the wait” ME: I’m not saying a word without
my lawyer present.
to a customer and she said, COP: You are the lawyer.
ME: Exactly, so where’s my present?
“No, you’re not.” And you know what?
@MARFSALVADOR
She was right. @STEPHFRANCEX

SOLDIERING ON “What a
Soup
We can thank soldiers and sailors for the words ‘umpteen’
Sandwich!”
and ‘skedaddle’. Here’s more military slang that deserves use.

• Crumb catcher: • Fang farrier: that has gone
mouth. army dentist. horribly wrong.
• Flight suit insert: • Ink stick: pen. • Oxygen thief:
pilot. • Left-handed someone who
• Fruit salad: monkey wrench: talks too much.
ribbons and a nonexistent item • Voluntold:
medals worn recruits are tricked forcibly
on a uniform. into looking for. volunteered for
• Galloping • Soup sandwich: an assignment.
dandruff: lice. a situation
M I L I TA R Y. C O M

READER’S DIGEST

Phat Phil’s “huge, jiggly
belly” on display

98 august 2020