Building a Culture of Acceptance Relational Values At Work
© Relational Values Alliance 1 Introduction Emotions: Part of Being Human According to the latest State of the Global Workplace report, only thirty-three percent of the world’s employees are thriving. In fact, Gallup’s data suggest that the emotional side of work has not healed after the pandemic. Worry, anger and sadness have not returned to pre-pandemic levels, and stress continues to climb to an all-time high. Relational leaders remember that all of us feel the emotions of sadness, fear, anger, excitement, and joy. We all have relational needs like acceptance, support, and respect. Take a look at this video. Be reminded of how we are a part of one big human family. A—Acknowledge the emotion. What are you/others angry about? Stop, identify the feeling, breathe, and then put it in a sentence. N—Notice the relationship(s) that surround the anger. We often feel anger related to friends, family, co-workers, other drivers, etc. It’s important to notice these connections to the anger. G—Get to the more vulnerable emotions. Any time there’s anger, there’s also another more tender emotion. We can feel angry and also hurt, fear, is respected, disappointed, rejected, or overwhelmed. E—Express or Experience care. If WE’RE feeling angry, we need to experience care for both the anger and the more vulnerable emotions. If someone else is angry, we need to express that same care. R—Respond wisely. After someone has experienced care for their anger and tender emotions, they’re often ready to make better choices. They’re often more ready to forgive, give an apology, or accept consequences. Share Your Story—Have this conversation with a colleague or co-worker. “When have you felt angry? What was the relationship and the vulnerable emotion?” Be sure to express care. “I’m so sorry that happened for you. I care about the things that made you angry and how you also felt _____.” Leaders who want to help employees address and heal from these common painful emotions need specific skills. We’ve captured some basic skills for how to address anger and anxiety below. Let them be your guide. First, here’s an acronym for how to address anger.
2 © Relational Values Alliance Anxiety is Part of Being Human Take Action: Be the Catalyst Anytime relational needs go unmet, we can feel hurt and anger. We feel these emotions in the present and can even feel them about unmet needs in the past. The good news is: Hurt is healed with comfort/care. Anger is healed with a caring response and forgiveness. Watch the video below. It reminds us of the hurt/anger connection and the care we all need. Have this conversation with a colleague or co-worker: “Sometimes I get anxious, worried, afraid, or insecure because I don’t want to experience _____. I need reassurance that…” Here’s what it might sound like to give reassurance: “I want you to know that you can count on me to _____.” Or “Let me reassure about _____. Or “You can trust that ._____.” This Week: Notice these painful emotions in the people around you. Is someone feeling angry? Give a kind and compassionate response. Acknowledge the anger: “I can tell you’re angry. What’s going on?” Notice the relationships: “OK. I get it. It really made you mad when…” Get to the vulnerable emotion: “I’m guessing you also felt disrespected, disappointed, rejected because…” Express care: “I’m so sorry. It completely stinks when…” Encourage them to Respond wisely: “Would you like to take a walk and cool off? I’ll go with you.” Is someone feeling worried or anxious? Give a reassuring response. “I can tell you’re worried. I’m here for you.” “I know you’re anxious about _____. So let me reassure you that _____.” When relational needs are missed, we can also find ourselves feeling anxious, insecure, or worried about the future because we don’t want to experience hurt again! Fearful emotions are healed with reassurance. Imagine how fearful Will might be the next time his dad offered to take him on a trip.
© Relational Values Alliance 3 What is Acceptance? Session 1 WHY is acceptance important? Your organization’s culture will benefit when you celebrate everyone’s differences and give second chances when someone makes a mistake. • Acceptance is: Liking someone who may be different than you. It means not trying to change someone or fix them to be more like you. It also means that even if someone messes up, you don’t write them off, but instead, you give them a second chance. • The opposite of acceptance is rejection. Since rejection is painful, people will often conform just to fit in. • Acceptance sounds like: I love you just the way you are! I am glad that I am your friend even if you mess up! • Watch this video. It helps you remember what acceptance looks like and sounds like. • Share Your Story—Remember a time when someone gave YOU acceptance. Remember a time when someone gave you a second chance or when someone liked you even though you were different than them. Text this person and tell them why you are grateful. After you have messaged them, have a conversation with another colleague or co-worker about this memory.
4 © Relational Values Alliance Acceptance is not: Take Action: • Show You Care: Talk to another colleague or co-worker about their need for acceptance. Learn what is important to them. Try these words: “I’m trying to learn more about how to show acceptance. When has someone accepted your differences? What did they say and how did it make you feel?” • Post a picture and text on social media where you talk about the unconditional care this person received. Celebrate the amazing demonstration of acceptance. • Acceptance is NOT rejecting or looking down on someone because they are different than you; it is NOT trying to change someone to be someone they are not; it is NOT writing someone off when they have messed up or fallen short; it is NOT withholding love from them for their mess up, failure, or mistake. • Remember a time when YOU’VE rejected another person or missed giving this need to someone else. Here’s a video to remind you of what acceptance looks and sounds like. The priest accepts Jean Valjean at his point of failure. • Share Your Story—Tell a colleague or co-worker about a time when you missed this need for someone else and how you would like to change. You might start with words like, “I am trying to become a more accepting person. I remember when I ________ instead of making an effort to be their friend even though they are different than me.”
© Relational Values Alliance 5 Make It Personal Session 2 How Important Is Acceptance to You? • To learn more about acceptance, take this short assessment below to learn how important the need is for you. • Click here to take the Acceptance Individual Assessment (Part 1). • Share Your Story—Have this conversation with a colleague or co-worker: “I’m learning about the need for acceptance. I took an assessment recently, and it seems like the need for acceptance is (not very important/somewhat important/very important) for me. Would you like to take the assessment? Then we can discuss it. I’d like to get to know you better.” Remember: Acceptance is something we all need. It’s OK to be different and no one is perfect. We need people who know us and like us no matter what.
6 © Relational Values Alliance Which Aspect of Acceptance is Most Important to You: Take Action: • We all have a need for acceptance, but we also have unique and personal ways we like for others to show it. Here are five unique dimensions of acceptance. Which one of these is most important to you? ° Go out of your way to welcome me especially if my physical appearance, lifestyle, and/or beliefs differ from your own. ° When we are in a group of people, try to notice if I seem to be uneasy or alone and take steps to help me feel welcome. ° Look beyond my faults or imperfections and care about me anyway. ° Welcome me when I am feeling up and also when I am feeling down. ° Be quick to forgive me when I blow it, mess up, or offend you. Give me a second chance. • Share Your Story—Share these words with a colleague or co-worker: “I’ve been thinking about all the different ways to give acceptance. The aspect of acceptance that is most important to me is _____ because…Which aspect is most important to you?” • Watch this video together. It reminds us of the power of acceptance. • Remember when one person showed acceptance to you in the personal way you mentioned above. Text this person and let them know you are grateful for how they met this need. “It really meant a lot to me when you gave me acceptance. You did that when… Thank you!” • Show You Care: Post a video with a shout-out to the person who gave you acceptance in this personal way.
© Relational Values Alliance 7 Giving Acceptance Session 3 How Am I Doing at Giving to Others? • Now that you know more about acceptance, it is important to focus on giving it! To learn how well you are doing at giving this need, take this short assessment. • Click here to take the Acceptance Individual Assessment (Part 2). • Show You Care: After you have taken the assessment, share your results with a colleague or co-worker. “I took an assessment recently, to help me know how I am doing at giving acceptance. According to the assessment…(I need to be more intentional about giving acceptance to others; I am somewhat effective in giving acceptance to others; or meeting this need is one of my strengths). How do you think I’m doing at giving acceptance?” Remember: Rejection can be extremely hurtful and no one wants to be fixed, changed, or fine-tuned.
8 © Relational Values Alliance Practice Giving: Take Action: Make a Plan to Give • To become a more accepting person, we need to practice giving acceptance to others. We all need someone to see the “real person” inside of us and show they care…imperfections and all! Let this video remind you of the importance of giving to others in this way. With this reminder, let Mr. Jensen inspire you to give acceptance! Watch the power of acceptance here. • Show You Care: Think about the times when you have missed giving acceptance—you rejected someone, tried to change them, or wrote them off when they messed up. Now’s your chance to focus on becoming more accepting. • Decide what two specific colleagues or co-workers you will give more acceptance to this week. ° Who is different from you in some way, but could benefit from a warm smile, friendly face, or being welcomed into the group? ° Who seems uneasy, uncomfortable, or sits alone and might need someone to hang out with or talk to them? ° Who needs you to celebrate their differences with them? ° Who needs to hear that you accept them, even though they have messed up? Who needs a second chance? ° Acceptance means celebrating the “highs” and showing compassion in the “lows” for people. Who especially needs you to notice and care about their low points? • Choose these two people and make a plan to give to them.
© Relational Values Alliance 9 Live It Out Session 4 Live It at Work or In Your Community • Show You Care with Co-workers/ Colleagues: ° Plan to have a conversation to address an employee’s performance (when it has been less than perfect and change is needed). Begin your conversation with words like: “I’ve noticed that you are really great at…and we need you on our team.” “I’d also like to see you grow in…and I’m committed to your success.” ° Think about your colleagues in the office. Go out of your way to celebrate the differences/ preferences in how you work together. Show You Care in the Community: ° Look for someone who serves you (I.e., cashier, server, barista) and may be different from you. Celebrate those differences. “You are amazing. We come from different places, but I like hearing about your life. I’m totally impressed by you!” ° If you notice someone has messed up or failed in some way. Show acceptance. “Don’t worry. We all make mistakes. You’ll get it next time!” Live It at Home or With Close Friends Becoming an accepting person means being intentional to show acceptance in each of these areas. • Show You Care with Friends: ° Plan a coffee date with a friend. During the date, list your personal differences and how grateful you are to have the other person in your life. ° Watch this video clip together. Which of the characters do you most relate to and why? Talk about all things you’re each not good at doing, but make it fun. • Show You Care with Family: ° Go on a date with your partner/ spouse. Share these words, “Remember when we discovered how we were different in the way we ?” Make it fun! ° In the next week, schedule an ice cream date with each of your children. Ask this question, “What things do you wish people knew about you and why?” Remember: Receiving words of acceptance can help someone feel grateful for their differences and give grace when others need a second chance.
10 © Relational Values Alliance Take Action: • Share Your Story—Have a conversation or post a video where you describe how you have grown in acceptance. Tell about the five unique aspects of acceptance and how you plan to continue living out this relational need. • Show You Care: Have the following conversation with an important person in your life. Work hard to make the changes they suggest. “I want to be one of the accepting people in your life. How could I give you more acceptance?” Here are a few ideas: ° Would you like for me to go out of my way to notice, talk about, and celebrate our differences? ° Would you like for me to make sure I know if you’re feeling uneasy or alone and take steps to help you feel comfortable? ° Would you like for me to look beyond any faults or imperfections, and express my love and care for you? ° Would you like for me to tell you more often about the ways you are unique and how grateful I am for those unique qualities? ° Would you like for me to celebrate your high points and comfort your low points more often? ° Would you like for me to be more quick to forgive and give you more second chances? ° Would you like for me to write more notes of acceptance to you? Remember: Be sure to listen without interrupting! • To continue growing in acceptance, try one or both of these resources! ° Team Meeting on Acceptance
© Relational Values Alliance 11 Appendix
12 © Relational Values Alliance Part 1: With caring connections, good things happen. Part 2: Without caring connections, bad things happen. We all have unique relational needs—the distinct ways that we feel cared for and loved in relationships. In this session, you learned more about giving and receiving ACCEPTANCE to help create caring connections. Caring, connections in the workplace help: • Increase employee engagement in the organization’s mission. • Decrease turnover, absenteeism, and conflicts. • Increase customer loyalty, as more consistent and genuine service is provided through caring connections. • Instill the common foundation of worth and value for each person, regardless of differences. • Reduce social isolation and aloneness. • Enrich relationships at work and at home. • Instill the “soft skills” and emotional intelligence for effective leadership and collaboration. • Develop a relational culture of prioritizing people, teamwork, mentoring, providing exceptional customer experiences, and living out a life purpose. Without caring connections and if relational needs are missed, bad things happen. When we are feeling alone, disconnected, or isolated, we might: • Have difficulty working in teams. • Struggle with communication or focus. • Lose motivation or the ability to creatively solve problems. • Have more physical symptoms and absenteeism. • Lose sleep or become depressed. • Become irritable, critical, uncooperative, or impatient. • Be more fearful, anxious, and have a tough time trusting other people. • Be more prone to abuse alcohol, drugs, or porn. • Escape into media, TV/movie streaming, gaming, shopping, work, or hobbies. • Feel depressed, withdrawn, or resentful.
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