1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveGiving to the Relational Needs of OthersHardwired to ConnectJust like we need air, food, and water, humans are created to need connection with other people. We are designed to need things like respect, attention, security, and support—needs that can only be met in relationships.Because people are hardwired to connect, great things happen as we live out these relational values!Models of Physical and Relational HealthScan or click the QR code to view an example of how we are born with relational needs.After you have watched the video, talk to someone about how you would finish these sentences:The babies seems to need ________________from their fathers.When the baby’s needs were met, these good things happened When the baby’s needs were unmet, these bad things happened The Top Ten Relational NeedsWatch this overview video to learn more about the Top Ten Relational Needs and reflect on the following question:Think of a time when you needed something “relational” from another person. You might have needed supporton a challenging task, encouragement to achieve a goal, or compassion during a struggle. How did you feel when someone met that need for you?“I remember a time when I needed , and I received it from , and I felt .”How did you feel when one of your relational needs was missed or unmet?“I remember a time when I needed , and my need was not met, I felt .”Relational Needs AssessmentScan or click the QR code to access and take the relational needs assessment. This tool takes about 10 minutes to complete and is designed to enhance our understanding of relationships and foster better connections in our lives. Start by taking the assessment yourself, then pass it on to your colleagues, friends, or family members. Sharing this assessment is a great way to encourage open conversations and deepen connections with those around you.Physical Needs(air, food, water, sleep)Relational Needs(affection, appreciation, etc.)METUNMETMETUNMETProduces health and wellnessProduces physical distress/failing healthProduces connection/intimacyProduces relational distress/alonenessIdentifying as Happy, Hopeful, and Satisfied with LifeT.H.R.I.V.E. Solutions
© Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2Top Ten Relational NeedsNEED/Opposite DESCRIPTION LOOKS LIKE/Sounds likeACCEPTANCERejectionReceiving another person unconditionally, when theother’s behavior has beenimperfect; continuing to love another in spite of differencesor failuresHaving been given the freedom to fail; being given another chanceAllowing another person to be different; not trying to change or fix themI know you like to do things differently and that's okay with me.I'm looking forward to working together.Expressing care and closeness through appropriate physical touch; saying“I love you” or “Icare about you”Appropriate greetings with friendly smiles, handshakes, and welcoming words; recognition of special days and occasionsYou’re really special! I care for you.AFFECTIONColdnessExpressing thanks, praise, or commendation; recognizing effort or accomplishment particularly forwhat someone doesCertificates, notes, rewards for effort as well as accomplishment; public and private recognition and thanksYou did a great job. Thank you for your help with dinner.APPRECIATIONCriticismBuilding up or affirming anotherparticularly for who they are; affirming the fact of and the importance of a relationshipYou are “bragged on”and built up to others—especially for“who” you are.I’m proud of you! Your diligence is very important to us. I’m glad I get to serve with you. I appreciate your diligence. I know you are working on that.APPROVALDisapprovalEntering another’s world; conveying appropriate interest, concern, and taking thought of another Individual, undivided listening; effort toget to know you and your needs; asking your opinion; going to breakfast or lunchTell me how things are going. I’d like toget to know you better. What’s the most significant thing you’re experiencing now?ATTENTIONNeglectResponding to a hurting person with words, feelings, and touch;to hurt with and for another’sgrief or painPutting an arm around you when you’re sad; sitting quietly and just “beingthere;” crying with youI’m sad for you. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I know you are reallydisappointed. I know it really hurts when…COMFORTPain MinimizedUrging another to persist andpersevere toward a goal;stimulating toward caring forothers wellA phone call to encourage you on your“big day\"; a note expressing belief in you, that you can do itI know you can do it. Don’t give up, keep at it. I believe in you!ENCOURAGEMENTDiscouragementValuing and regarding another highly; treating another as important; honoring one anotherAuthority appropriate to responsibility; freedom todo the job your way;listening without interrupting; checking with you before making plans that affect you; appropriate tone of voice; apologizing when I wrong you.I’d like tohear your ideas. What do you prefer? I was wrong. Will you forgive me?RESPECTUndervalue, AbuseEnsuring harmony in relationships even as conflicts are resolved, trust is deepened, and vulnerability is expressed; providing freedom fromfear or threat of harmNot threatening you; not harming you in any way; setting appropriate limitsand reasonably enforcing them; providing for needs; not losing temper at you; being dependable; keepingpromises; providing trainingI’m here for you. We’re going to work this out. I’m going to keep my promise to you.SECURITYThreatComing alongside and gently helping with a problem or struggle; providing appropriate assistanceHelping you with a big project; teaching you how; doing hard things togetherI’ll be glad to help you. Just let me know. How might I assist you?SUPPORTAloneTop Ten Relational Needs Hear the top ten relational needs explained by our team.My highest relational need is , and it is best met when .My second highest is .My third highest is .If you are a team member, group member, friend, coworker, or family member, consider writing what others share about their relational needs so that you know how best to care for them.