You…Giving Attention to Your Emotional and Mental Health Foundational Strategies for Emotional FitnessFour-Session Growth Guide
Copyright © 2026 by Relational Values Alliance. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or information storage and retrieval system, except for brief quotations in reviews, without written permission of the publisher. For more information address Relational Values Alliance, 2511 South Lakeline Blvd., Cedar Park, TX 78613.Helping You T.H.R.I.V.E.Human “flourishing” or well-being has been the focus of many disciplines over the centuries and very generally might be described as: “a state in which all aspects of a person’s life are good.” The term “all aspects of life” has various champions across many disciplines that tend to organize around important “life” domains. The Harvard Human Flourishing Program has developed a six-part framework upon which this series is based. See the Appendix for additional information on each domain and an opportunity to take the T.H.R.I.V.E. assessment.
© Relational Values Alliance 1RelationalValues.comWhy Is Emotional and Mental Health Significant to Life Flourishing?Studies from Harvard and other researchers indicate that one’s emotional and mental wellness has a significant impact on various aspects of overall physical health as well as life’s happiness, fulfillment, and flourishing.A more detailed look at key findings includes: 1. The Power of Social Connections: • Individuals with deep connections to family, friends, and community members tend to experience better physical health, including reduced risk of heart disease, diabetes, and arthritis. • Positive relationships also contribute to slower cognitive decline and longer lifespans. • Conversely, loneliness can have detrimental effects, with researchers from Harvard finding it can be as harmful as smoking or alcoholism. • Marital satisfaction has a protective effect on mental health, with happy marriages associated with less emotional and physical pain, even during periods of physical discomfort. 2. The Impact of Emotional Regulation: • Harvard research suggests that accepting one’s emotions, rather than trying to suppress them, can lead to improved psychological health and reduce negative emotional responses to stressors. Why • Accepting negative emotions like frustration or anger, rather than judging them, can reduce guilt and negative self-image, leading to increased psychological well-being. • Studies have also explored the impact of facial expressions on emotions, finding that smiling can make people feel happier, while scowling can make them feel angrier. 3. Stress and Mental Health: • Sustained stress and fear can alter biological systems, contributing to conditions like heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. • Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health research indicates that early childhood “toxic stress” can have long-lasting negative impacts on brain development and other organ systems. • Managing stress through techniques like deep breathing and mindfulness can help mitigate its adverse effects. 4. Mental Health Challenges in Young Adults: • A Harvard report found that young adults in the U.S. report significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression compared to teens. • This report identifies a lack of meaning and purpose, feelings of loneliness, and financial worries as key drivers of these mental health challenges.
2 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.comHowHow to Use This ResourceThis resource is intended to develop your personal leadership skills and IDENTITY as a “People-First” Leader.There are four sessions, each taking approximately 45–60 minutes to complete. This resource can be used in several different ways:• Small-group gatherings• Team meeting discussions• “Lunch-and-learn” conversations• Mentoring new members into your cultureThe best results will come from spending time in personal reflection as you engage in discussions with others about the principles. Reminder:“It’s hard to grow yourself by yourself!”Next would come the intentional inclusion of various “People-First” practices into your personal life, team, or organization.During each session, we will provide opportunities for your growth as a People-First Leader, enabling you to become someone others want to follow at home, school, work, or in your community.What Are Strategies for Improving Emotional/Mental Health?Harvard strategies for improving emotional wellness include cultivating positive emotions, practicing mindfulness, and building strong social connections. These strategies aim to promote a sense of well-being, resilience, and improved mental health. Specific Strategies for Improving Emotional Wellness include: • Building a Social Support Network—Social connections provide emotional support during challenging times and contribute to a sense of belonging. • Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation—Meditation/ prayer, deep breathing, and spending time in nature can help quiet the mind, reduce stress, and improve emotional regulation. • Prioritize Physical Health—Regular exercise, healthy eating, and sufficient sleep are crucial for physical, emotional, and mental well-being. • Cultivate Positive Emotions—Engage in activities that bring joy, practice gratitude, and find humor in everyday life. • Develop Emotional Regulation Skills—Learn to identify and manage emotions effectively, rather than reacting impulsively, and explore and change unhealthy thinking patterns. • Practice “Self-Compassion”—Be kind to yourself, acknowledge your imperfections, and treat yourself with the same understanding and care you would offer a friend. • Engage in Activities That Bring You Joy—Make time for hobbies, spend time in nature, and engage in activities that promote a sense of flow and accomplishment. • Consider Stress Management Techniques—Explore stress-reducing activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. What • Limit Decision Fatigue—Reduce the burden of decision-making by simplifying choices or making decisions quickly, especially for less significant matters.• Practice Gratitude—Regularly reflect on things you are grateful for and regularly communicate your gratitude, which can boost positive emotions and overall well-being. • Be Kind to Others—Acts of kindness can have a positive impact on both the giver and receiver, fostering a sense of connection and well-being.
© Relational Values Alliance 3RelationalValues.comContentsKindness: It’s Good for You. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4Identifying My Unhealthy Thinking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6Emotions: How to Empty Hurt.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8Box Breathing.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Appendix: You as a Person Who Thrives. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
4 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.com1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveKindness: It’s Good for You!Did you know? Being kind to others is actually good for YOUR health. When we do something nice for someone, it triggers the release of feel-good chemicals like oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) and dopamine (the natural reward chemical) in OUR brain. These chemicals tell our brain and body, “Hey, that was awesome, do more of that!”Scan or click the QR code and hear some of the benefits of being kind. Then reflect on some of the times you’ve personally experienced the benefits of kindness.Pause and Reflect:I’ve felt the positive effects of being kind to other people when . Or, I saw other people being kind and it made ME feel some positive emotions like .Kindness and Your Physical HealthKindness has significant impact on your physical health. It also lowers stress because it reduces cortisol (the stress hormone), which means you’re less likely to feel anxious or overwhelmed. There are also hearthealthy reasons to be kind. Oxytocin releases a chemical which helps to lower blood pressure. It may even help to limit the effects of aging by reducing inflammation in the body and help your immune system, making you more resilient to disease.Pause and Reflect:The physical benefit of kindness that sounds best to me is and here’s why .Share your response with someone you trust.Kindness and Your Emotional HealthLiving with kindness increases our sense of self-worth and creates a positive feedback loop, as feeling good about caring for others can make us more likely to engage in kind acts in the future.Acts of kindness can also improve our emotional health. Being kind fosters connection with people, which reduces feelings of loneliness and helps your sense of belonging. Making kindness a priority brings a greater sense of purpose to life, which contributes to better overall well-being.Scan or click the QR code and watch this video. Notice how Ruby describes her own struggle with emotional health, but how things got better when she began to serve other people. Kindness gave a greater sense of purpose.Pause and Reflect:Reflect on the possibilities for your own life. How might showing more kindness or service to others benefit your emotional health? Share your responses with a friend, family member, or coworker.Like Ruby, showing more kindness could help me by . . . Health: Physical, Mental, and EmotionalT.H.R.I.V.E. Solutions
© Relational Values Alliance 5RelationalValues.com © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2Practice Kindness Through CareLet’s practice kindness right now.Pause and Reflect:Think of a person in your life who is struggling a bit right now and needs to experience a little more kindness. Do they need your compassion, encouragement, care, or support?Call or text them and share one of these sentences:• I know things are tough right now, and I’m so sorry. I was just thinking about you and wanted you to know I care. (Compassion)• You are one of the strongest people I know, AND I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m with you in this season of life! (Encouragement)• I want you to know that I really care about all the things you’re going through. I care about you because . . . (Care)• I was just thinking about you and wondered if you could use a hand with . . . Could I come over and help out? (Support)After you’ve sent your text, tell another person whom you sent the text to and why.Tell why you wanted to share a little kindness! Practice Kindness Through AffirmationLet’s practice kindness right now.Pause and Reflect:Think of a person in your life whom you know well, and you want them to know you’re glad they are in your life!Scan or click the QR code to watch the video. First, notice how the girls share words of affirmation for each of their friends. Next, watch as each person turns to see what’s been said. Notice how this simple act of kindness makes a huge, positive impact.Now, it’s your turn. Send another text with affirming words just like the video. Send a message to your friend, family member, or co-worker with something like this:• I’m so glad you’re in my life, and here are some of the reasons why: • You are . . . (Share a list of ten positive traits you see in this person just like the girls did in the video.) Here is a list of possible traits:You are . . . (important to me, amazing to be around, a fantastic co-worker, a gifted leader, a loving mom, fun to be with, respectful, outgoing, bright, creative, considerate, a friend to everyone, genuinely kind, unique, energetic, incredibly talented, one-of-a-kind, a great person to have on our team, etc.)After you’ve sent your message, tell another person about the message you sent and brag on what makes this person great!
6 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.com1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveIdentifying My Unhealthy ThinkingWhy Think About Thinking Patterns?A thinking pattern is the habitual way our minds process what is happening to us and around us. Some of our thinking patterns are good and healthy, reflecting what is true. Some are not. Some of our thinking patterns reflect distortions of what is true. These patterns may impact our ability to handle challenges and form close relationships.Our thinking patterns develop over the course of a lifetime. They are automatic, often occurring without us even realizing it until someone else points it out. Our experiences during our growingup years can impact how we think about the world, how we approach it, and specifically, how we interact with those we relate with.Pause and Reflect:When have you noticed that the way you think about things can be a challenge in your relationships?I remember when I had a very different way of approaching/thinking about .I realized my thought process wasn’t 100% accurate because .Six Common Unhealthy Thinking PatternsLet’s address six common patterns and identify which ones we most often exhibit. Our unhealthy thinking needs to be challenged and replaced with truth. A friend, family, or trusted colleague can help us see a more truthful perspective.Polarizing means:• There is only one way to do something.• Everything is right or wrong or in absolutes.Personalizing means:• Life events are perceived as personal rejections and attacks.• I often have a “It-must-be-my fault” perspective.Generalizing means:• Past experiences become predictors of the future. Statements like, “ I’ll never … “ or “It will always . . .” are common.Magnifying means:• Making a “big deal” out of “little things.”• Making mountains out of molehills is common.Minimizing means:• Feelings about significant events or struggles are often denied.• Making a “little deal” out of “big” emotional pain.Emotional Reasoning means:• Confusing feelings with facts.• “If I feel it—it must be true!”Pause and ReflectGuess the thinking pattern you display most often. Share this with someone you trust.My typical thought pattern is probably .Next, complete the questionnaire on the next page. Check the statements you agree with. Leave the box blank if you disagree. The thinking pattern(s) you identify with is/are the one(s) you selected most often. Discuss responses with a partner.Scan QR code to download the Unhealthy Thinking Questionnaire worksheet.Health: Physical, Mental, and EmotionalT.H.R.I.V.E. Solutions
© Relational Values Alliance 7RelationalValues.com© Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2This chart gives the statements that match the six unhealthy patterns. Find the items that you agree with then identify/circle which thinking pattern(s) the statement represents.Polarizing: 1, 7, 13Magnifying: 2, 8, 14Personalizing: 3, 9, 15Generalizing: 4, 10, 16Emotional Reasoning: 5, 11, 17Minimizing: 6, 12, 18From the questionnaire, I have a tendency toward:_____________________________________When have you seen this in me? _____________________________________Remember: Everyone demonstrates at least one of these unhealthy thinking patterns! These patterns often contribute to the emotional hurt and conflict we experience in relationships. Therefore, it is important to become aware of how your own unhealthy thinking pattern(s) might be a part of any disconnects or struggles you have with people around you. Self-awareness is the first step for personal growth and change!Scan or click the QR code below to take the Unhealthy Thinking Questionnaire on your phone or tablet.1. I see things very much as black and white.2. I tend to make mountains out of molehills.3. I often take things personally.4. Past disappointments seem to predict the future.5. What I am feeling is more important than the facts.6. I often think people make too much of their problems. They should just get over it.7. There is a place for everything and everything has it’s place.8. Many things seem to be a major issue.9. It’s very important to sense others’ approval.10. I just know things won’t get any better.11. I can’t really believe I’m loved unless I feel it.12. I can handle almost any problem that comes my way. I don’t really need much support from anyone.13. Being perfect in what I undertake is essential to me.14. I seem to over-react to relatively small irritations.15. If someone in my family is upset, I must have been part of the reason.16. I tend to cross people off my list if they hurt or disappoint me.17. If I feel unloved, it must be because no one loves me.18. There’s no reason to get so upset or so emotional.Unhealthy Thinking QuestionnaireReview the statements below. Check the statements you agree with. In other words, are the statements true for you? Leave the box blank if they are not true of you.
8 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.com1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveEmotions: How to Empty HurtEmpty Painful Emotions for Better HealthWe all experience the ups and downs of life; we experience both positive and painful emotions.• When people show us they care, we feel positive emotions like happiness, joy, contentment, or peace. • When people miss caring for us, we feel painful emotions like sadness, hurt, disappointment, or disrespect. At these times we need comfort; someone to come alongside us and respond with care.Many of us don’t know what to say when someone around us is sad or hurting. We naturally want to help a friend feel better. Trying to cheer a family member who’s feeling down is common. Unfortunately, these responses often do not help a hurting person at all. What is needed is called “Emotional Responding.”Unproductive Responses: Words and Responses That DON’T HelpLook at the list below. It describes some of the unproductive responses we often give to someone who is sad or hurt. We mean well, but these responses miss the target. We can sometimes:• Give facts and logic, or try to explainwhy a person is hurting.• Come across as critical or try to give advice.• Share a hurt or complaint of our own;try to make the story about ourselves.• Try to cheer them up with a pep talk or help them look on the bright side.• Neglect the topic or try to change the subject.Pause and Reflect:Watch the video here. Notice how Spider-Man gives all five of the unhelpful responses to his girlfriend.Think about your typical responses when someone is hurting. What might you say that is unhelpful?When someone around me is sad or down, I might say things like .I’ve noticed this kind of response doesn’t seem to help when .Health: Physical, Mental, and EmotionalT.H.R.I.V.E. SolutionsTHE EMOTIONAL CUPCOMFORT HELPS “EMPTY” HURTGrieve the hurt, receive comfort/care COMFORT:Antidote: Action:
© Relational Values Alliance 9RelationalValues.com© Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2Words and Responses That DO HelpIf we, and other people who are hurting, don’t need our unproductive responses, what DO we say? We say words of comfort because comfort empties hurt from our Emotional Cup!What Is Comfort? • Comfort is responding to a hurting person with words, feelings, and appropriate gentle touch. Giving comfort might include putting an arm around you, sitting quietly, and just “being there” during a difficult time. It might even include crying with you. The opposite of comfort is minimizing or overlooking the pain of others.• Comfort sounds like: I’m sad for you because... I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’m heartbroken for you because…It hurts me to hear you say…I’m here for you, and I care.Pause and Reflect:Take turns talking with someone you trust about one of your current struggles.• One of the struggles or hard things I’m going through right now is…As you listen attentively, ask yourself, “What is this person feeling, and what do I feel FOR them? That’s what you say! Give words of comfort like the examples above. Emotional Responding Brings Healing Unproductive Responses Add to Hurt
10 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.com1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveBox Breathing: Take a Breath for Better HealthIn a stress-filled world, many things are simply beyond our control—like the weather, traffic, politics, or how others behave—but the good news is we can control how we respond!Mental and emotional stress activates our sympathetic nervous system, signaling our body to go into “fight-or-flight” mode.During this reaction, stress hormones are released, and you experience physical symptoms, such as a faster heartbeat, quicker breathing, and constricted blood vessels.We need an intentional strategy to help us activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which controls our relaxation response.A popular deep breathing strategy called Box Breathing helps us tap into our body’s relaxation response.Box breathing aims to focus awareness on our breath, making it slower and deeper. When you breathe in deeply through your nose, your lungs fully expand, and your stomach rises. This helps slow your heart rate, allowing you to feel more calm and peaceful.When to Use Box BreathingBox breathing can be a powerful stress reliever.• In high-stress seasons of life, you might practice Box Breathing BEFORE stressful events, DURING stressful events, or even five minutes EACH HOUR.• Box breathing can also be an effective way to wind down after a workout or just a busy day. Incorporate box breathing into post-workout or nighttime routines.Pause and Reflect:Think about the situations when you often feel your body signaling stress or a “fight-orflight” response.I most often need to intentionally relax my body and breathing in situations like _______ .Some Benefits of Box Breathing• Reduces stress• Promotes calm• Improves mental focus• Improves mood• Lowers blood pressure• Helps with pain management, depression, anxiety, and traumaPause and Reflect:The benefit that sounds most important to me right now is .Health: Physical, Mental, and EmotionalT.H.R.I.V.E. Solutions
© Relational Values Alliance 11RelationalValues.com © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2How to Practice Box BreathingTo help you focus on your breathing, you may want to find a quiet, stress-free environment to practice box breathing at first. This isn’t necessary to perform the technique, but it can help you focus on the practice if you’re new to it.1. Scan or click the QR to watch the Box Breathing video. Use this video to help you practice this breathing technique.Once you’ve got the hang of it with the video, try breathing this way on your own. 2. Practice Box Breathing on your own right now.Box Breathing, also known as four-square breathing, looks like this:1. Inhaling to a count of four2. Holding air in your lungs for a count of four3. Exhaling to the count of four4. Holding your lungs empty for a count of four and then beginning the pattern againIdeally, you’ll want to repeat the box breathing cycle four times in one sitting. Do Box Breathing several times daily or as needed to calm your emotions and relieve stress. After you’ve practiced, you’ll be able to implement your Box Breathing at work, school, home, or any location!Navy Seals utilize this technique to help them focus before stressful events and regain calm after stressful events. If the elite military finds Box Breathing to be an effective tool for stress, we can, too!By intentionally lowering our stress, lowering our heart rate, and increasing our calm responses we can see positive improvements in overall well-being!REMEMBER: If you become breathless or dizzy, stop immediately and resume regular breathing. Seek medical attention immediately if your breathlessness or dizziness doesn’t go away after stopping.
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© Relational Values Alliance 13RelationalValues.comYou as a Person Who T.H.R.I.V.E.s @Home, @School,@Work, in Faith, and in Community!Human flourishing or well-being can be described as “the place in which all aspects of a person’s life are good.” There are different perspectives about what is meant by “all aspects of life.” Still, researchers agree on the priority of assessing life holistically. To assess well-being, we must consider EACH of the important domains of life and how well we are flourishing in them.The Human Flourishing Program at Harvard has developed a tool to assess human flourishing based on five central domains: (1) character and virtue, (2) physical and mental health, (3) close social relationships, (4) happiness and life satisfaction, (5) meaning and purpose, and the sixth (6) domain relates to the stability of our finances or access to practical and financial resources that allow us to flourish and sustain well-being (VanderWeele, 2017).To thrive means “to grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way; to flourish; to live a satisfying, meaningful life.” We can label the six domains of human flourishing with the T.H.R.I.V.E. acronym.Transformation in T Character and VirtueHealth: Physical, H Mental, and EmotionalRelational Closeness R in Caring ConnectionsIdentifying as Happy, Hopeful, and Satisfied with LifeIVocational Fulfillment, Adequacy, and VPurposeEnjoy Financial E Stability and FreedomPeople Who T.H.R.I.V.E. Give Attention to Their Continued GrowthScan the QR code to take the 12-question T.H.R.I.V.E. Assessment. Acknowledgment and PermissionsSpecial Acknowledgment and Gratitude to the Harvard Human Flourishing Program: The Program’s flourishing index measure is copyrighted under a Creative Commons License (CCBY-NC 4.0). However, it can be used without permission for noncommercial purposes if proper citation is given. The reference for the paper in which the measure was presented is:VanderWeele, T.J. (2017). On the promotion of human flourishing. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, U.S.A., 31:8148-8156.Scan QR code to watch Harvard's video about their Human Flourishing Program.