Discovering Respect “Show proper respect to everyone…” (1 Peter 2:17 NIV). Session 4: Live it Out
© Relational Values Alliance 1 Introduction Part 1: Connected or Alone? Our world is more isolated and alone than ever before. Whether we realize it or not, being alone has negative effects on our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. God designed us to need both a relationship with Him and other people. Not sure? Watch the video below. It reminds us of the importance of meaningful relationships. It is no surprise that we need things like air, food, and water, but the truth is: We need more than these. God has promised to meet all our needs and He often does so through connections with people (Philippians 4:19). Since it is true that we need connection and good things happen when those meaningful relationships are in place, what is it that we need? Watch this video. It explains how every person has at least ten important Relational Needs—needs that can only be met in the relationships. After you watch the video, guess your top three relational needs from the list below. (You will take the full assessment at a later time). * Acceptance * Affection * Appreciation * Approval * Attention * Comfort * Encouragement * Respect * Security * Support Here’s the Top Ten Relational Needs list with definitions Share Your Story—Invite someone else to guess their top three relational needs from the list. Discuss your top three needs and why you think those needs are important.
2 © Relational Values Alliance Good News or Bad News Good news is: Every human on the planet has these relational needs. You are in good company! When these needs are met, good things happen. We feel loved, cared for, valued, and important. Here is the bad news: Without caring connections and if relational needs are missed, bad things happen. Needs missed result in feeling alone, disconnected, and isolated. Share Your Story—Have a conversation with a friend or family member. Talk about the good things that happen when your relational needs are met. Your conversation might start with: “When my relational needs are met, I _______________.” Share what happens when your needs are missed. “When my relational needs are missed, I _______________.” Take action: Watch this video. Let it be a reminder that everyone you know and everyone you see has a story. They are looking for connection just like you. You can be a part of making good things happen by listening and meeting relational needs. As you watch the video, identify at least one person who might need: * Acceptance * Appreciation * Attention * Comfort * Encouragement * Support Ask someone else in your life to watch the video with you and have a conversation about the relational needs of the people in the video. Final step: Create a post on social media. Tell how you and your church/ organization are learning more about how to have great relationships!
© Relational Values Alliance 3 What is Respect? Session 1 Jesus ignored many of the social prejudices of His day when He showed respect to tax collectors, Samaritans, the poor, lepers, and women. He treated all people according to their infinite value, regardless of their background or social standing. God considered all of us to be of such great worth that He sacrificed His only Son so that we could be redeemed. God demonstrates respect for our individuality and freedom because He allows us to decide whether we respond to Him in obedience. Respect is treating people as important and regarding them with great value, honoring others with your words and actions. The opposite of respect is disrespect, to undervalue, or abuse. Respect includes using an appropriate tone of voice, apologizing when you have done something wrong or messed up. It includes listening without interrupting or checking with someone before making plans that affect them. It sounds like: I’d like to hear your ideas. What do you prefer? I was wrong. Will you forgive me? Watch this video. It helps you remember what respect looks like and sounds like. Share Your Story—Remember a time when YOU felt most respected. If it is someone in your home, tell them about it face-to-face. If they are not in your home, text the person who showed you respect. Tell this person why you are grateful for their demonstration of respect. Finally, have a conversation with someone else about why you are grateful for the respect that has been shown to you by God and other people.
4 © Relational Values Alliance Respect is not: Here is what respect is NOT. It’s not being rude or disrespectful. It’s not interrupting, being mean or sarcastic. Respect also does not include being late, taking other’s things without asking, or treating others as less important than yourself. Remember a time when YOU’VE been rude or disrespectful or a time when you missed giving this need to someone else. Share Your Story—Tell a family member or friend about a time when you missed this need for someone else and how you would like to change. You might start with words like, “I am trying to become a more respectful person. I remember when I ________ instead of meeting their need for respect.” Take action: v Show You Care: Talk to another person in your family, church, workplace, or circle of friends about their need for respect. Learn what is important to them. Try these words: “I am trying to learn more about how to show respect and become a more respectful person. What does respect look like, or sound like to you?” You might consider making an apology as a way to demonstrate respect to someone. Here is what a good apology sounds like: “I realize I was wrong when I missed your need for ______. I know you must have felt _____ when… Will you forgive me?” With a prayer partner, thank God for how He respects you and ask Him to infuse your heart with more respect for people.
© Relational Values Alliance 5 Make It PersonalHow Important Is Respect to You? To learn more about respect, take this short assessment to learn how important the need is for you. Click here to take the Respect Individual Assessment (Part 1). Share Your Story—Have this conversation with a friend or family member: “I’m learning about the need for respect. I took an assessment recently, and it seems like the need for respect is (not very important/somewhat important/very important) for me. Would you like to take the assessment? Then we can discuss it.” Session 2
6 © Relational Values Alliance Which Aspect of Respect is Most Important to You: We all have a need for respect, but we also have personal ways we like for others to show it. Here are five unique dimensions of respect. Which one of these is most important to you? ° Check in with me before making a decision that affects me. ° Give me a chance to share my ideas, opinion, and perspective. ° Respect my property, privacy, and time. ° Treat everyone with dignity and value regardless of any differences. ° Talk to me with a respectful tone of voice, be careful to listen without interrupting. Apologize without defensiveness. Share Your Story—Pick one of the examples above and share these words with a friend or family member: “The aspect of respect that is most important to me is…I know this is true for me because…” Watch this video. It reminds us of how it impacts people when we treat them with respect and disrespect. Take action: Remember when someone gave respect to you in the personal way you mentioned above. Text this person and let them know you are grateful for how they met this need. “It really meant a lot to me when you showed me respect. You did that when…Thank you!” Show You Care: Post a video with a shout-out to the person who gave you respect in this personal way. With a prayer partner, ask God to show you more times when you have received respect from other people. Give thanks to God and the people He involves in meeting your need.
© Relational Values Alliance 7 Giving Respect How Am I Doing at Giving to Others? Now that you know more about respect, it is important to focus on giving it. Romans 12:10 (ESV) tells us to, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Make it your goal this week to outdo other people in showing respect! To learn how well you are doing at giving this need, take this short assessment. Click here to take the Respect Individual Assessment (Part 2). Show You Care: After you have taken the assessment, share your results with a friend or family member. “I took an assessment recently, to help me know how good I am at giving respect. According to the assessment…(I need to be more thoughtful about giving respect to others; I am somewhat effective in giving respect to others; or meeting this need is one of my strengths). How do you think I’m doing at giving respect?” Week 3
8 © Relational Values Alliance Practice Giving: To become more respectful, we need to practice giving respect to others. Respect is contagious. If we want to enjoy a respectful community, we have to concentrate on giving respect. Video: Medal of Honor Recipients Talk About Respect Show You Care: Take time this week to ask someone you trust for advice. Ask their opinion or get their ideas on a topic that is important to you. Show them respect and watch for the good results. Take Action: Make a Plan to Give What two specific people in your family, church, workplace, or community will you give more respect to this week? ° Who needs you to check in before changing the plan or making a decision? ° Who needs you to ask for their advice, input, or get their ideas? ° Who needs you to respect their property, privacy, or time? ° Who needs you to treat them with dignity and value regardless of any differences? ° Who needs you to talk to them with a respectful tone of voice and listen without interrupting? Ask God to show you the two people who most need respect and decide how you plan to give to them. Share your plans with another friend, family member, or mentor. 1. “I plan to give to _____ by…” 2. “I plan to give to_____ by…”
© Relational Values Alliance 9 Here is how to apologize without justifying or excuses: ° “I was wrong when…” ° “I know you must have felt…” ° “Will you forgive me?” Be sure to wait for the answer. Be sure to listen without interrupting! That is showing respect. Live It at Work or In Your Community • Show You Care with Co-workers: ° When decisions are going to affect other colleagues at work, ask for their ideas and preferences before taking action. “How do you think we ought to handle…?” “What do you think is the best way to…?” ° Be sure to listen well and thank them for their input. • Show You Care in the Community: ° If you hear an opinion you disagree with, instead of arguing, first seek to listen and understand. ° Notice when someone is trying to speak but gets interrupted. Direct the conversation back to them. ° Stand up for others when you see them being disrespected. Live It Out Live It at Home or With Close Friends Becoming a respectful person means showing respect in all relationships. 1 Peter 2:17 tells us to “honor all people” and Philippians 2:3 reminds us not to be selfish but to consider others as more important than ourselves (NASB). Our consistent demonstration of respect for others will be one way we point people to Jesus. Let’s be intentional to show respect in each of these ways. • Show You Care with Friends: ° Ask one of your friends to teach you something they are good at doing.“You’re really great at… Would you show me how to…?” • Show You Care with Family: ° Giving a good apology is one of the best ways to show respect. First, think of ways YOU may have caused hurt for someone else. Have you broken a promise, missed a need, lost your temper, spoken disrespectfully, or disappointed someone? Week 4
10 © Relational Values Alliance Take Action: Share Your Story—Have a conversation or post a video where you describe how you have grown in respect. Tell about the five unique aspects of respect and how you plan to continue living out this relational need. Show You Care: Have the following conversation with an important person in your life. Work hard to make the changes they suggest. “I want to be one of the respectful people in your life. How could I show you more respect?” Here are a few ideas: ° Would like for me to ask about your ideas or opinions? ° Would you like for me to be more careful about your individual property, privacy, and time? ° Would you like for me to give you more freedom to do a job your own way? ° Would you like for me to listen to you without interrupting? ° Would you like for me to include you more often in decisions that affect you? ° Would you like for me to make sure I use an appropriate tone of voice with you? ° Would you like for me to apologize more consistently? Remember: Be sure to listen without interrupting! That is showing respect. Finally, with a prayer partner, thank God for how He has changed you and made you more respectful. Ask the Holy Spirit to continue this work. Ask Him to provide an opportunity for you to give an account of the hope that is within you with gentleness and respect. (See 1 Peter 3:15) To continue growing in respect, consider leading the Bible lesson entitled: Finding Life Purpose in Connecting through Respect.
© Relational Values Alliance 11 Appendix
12 © Relational Values Alliance Part 1: With caring connections, good things happen. Part 2: Without caring connections, bad things happen. We all have unique relational needs—the distinct ways that we feel cared for and loved in relationships. In this session, you learned more about giving and receiving RESPECT to help create caring connections. Caring connections in our faith help: • Empower us to live out Bible truths with people around us. • Give witness of being loved by God, as we express His care and love to others. • Hold us accountable to be “doers of God’s Word.” • Deepen our experience together of true fellowship. • Guard us from self-reliance—thinking that we only need God, instead of a need for God and one another. • Instill the common foundation of worth and value for each person, regardless of differences. • Reduce social isolation and aloneness. • Enrich relationships at work and at home. • Instill the relational skills and emotional intelligence for effective leadership and collaboration. Without caring connections and if relational needs are missed, bad things happen. When we are feeling alone, disconnected, or isolated, we might: • Be hindered in passing on the faith to next generations. • Be hindered in imparting Biblical values and precepts to others. • Have difficulty working toward peace and lose sight of Biblical mission. • Lose motivation or the ability to creatively engage the culture. • Have more physical symptoms and health concerns. • Lose sleep or become depressed. • Become irritable, critical, uncooperative, or impatient. • Be more fearful, anxious, and have a tough time trusting other people. • Be more prone to abuse alcohol, drugs, or porn. • Escape into Netflix, gaming, shopping, work, or hobbies. • Feel depressed, withdrawn, or resentful. Watch this video and notice what happens when this student felt alone and disconnected—even in a room full of people. His relational needs for respect and acceptance were missed and bad things happened!
An initiative of Relational Values Alliance relationalvalues.com For technical support and questions, please contact: [email protected] (512) 354-1464