You as a Giving-First PersonExpressing KindnessFour-Session Growth Guide
Copyright © 2026 by Relational Values Alliance. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or information storage and retrieval system, except for brief quotations in reviews, without written permission of the publisher. For more information address Relational Values Alliance, 2511 South Lakeline Blvd., Cedar Park, TX 78613.Helping You T.H.R.I.V.E.Human “flourishing” or well-being has been the focus of many disciplines over the centuries and very generally might be described as: “a state in which all aspects of a person’s life are good.” The term “all aspects of life” has various champions across many disciplines that tend to organize around important “life” domains. The Harvard Human Flourishing Program has developed a six-part framework upon which this series is based. See the Appendix for additional information on each domain and an opportunity to take the T.H.R.I.V.E. assessment.
© Relational Values Alliance 1RelationalValues.comWhy Kindness MattersKindness is important because it strengthens relationships, builds trust, and creates emotional connections. When we offer kindness without expecting anything in return, it helps create a stronger sense of community and makes others feel supported. Kindness also benefits the giver by boosting happiness, reducing stress, and increasing life satisfaction. By showing empathy, being grateful, and looking for ways to help, even small acts of kindness, like helping with chores or encouraging someone, can make a big difference at home, school, or in the community. Kindness is a vital factor in creating emotionally healthy environments.Whether expressed through giving-first, appreciation, approval, or encouragement, kindness meets core human needs. It helps people feel valued, seen, supported, and connected. It reduces stress, fosters motivation, and boosts both individual well-being and team performance. Kindness cultivates a culture of empathy, gratitude, and resilience, empowering individuals and groups to thrive emotionally, relationally, and socially. In a world often focused on criticism or performance, kindness brings healing, unity, and lasting positive impact.What might kindness look and sound like?Consider beginning your giving-first lifestyle of expressing kindness at home. • Do chores or clean a shared space without being told.• Take care of small responsibilities to lighten someone else’s load.• Ask family members how their day was and really listen.• Offer comfort or encouragement when someone seems upset or stressed.• Be patient and understanding when others are having a tough time.• Say “thank you” for even small things—like making dinner or doing the laundry.• Leave a kind note or send a thoughtful message to a family member.• Ask, “How can I help?” and then follow through.• Surprise someone with a small act of kindness—like making their bed or sharing your snack with them.What Why
2 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.comNext we can express our giving-first identity through verbalizing:Appreciation:Showing appreciation strengthens relationships and creates a more positive, trusting, and productive environment. When we thank others for their efforts and recognize what they do well, it boosts morale, motivation, and reduces stress and burnout. Kindness in the form of appreciation helps people feel valued, rather than taken for granted, and reminds them that their work matters. By offering sincere and specific gratitude often and in creative ways, we build a more encouraging and resilient community.Approval:Offering words of approval and affirming someone’s character can deeply strengthen relationships and emotional well-being. When we recognize qualities like honesty or empathy, it builds trust, helps people feel seen and valued, and creates a more positive and connected environment. Unlike praising what someone does, approval honors who they are, meeting a deeper emotional need. This kind of kindness motivates others, supports their self-worth, and fosters a culture where people are uplifted not just for their achievements, but for their character as well.Encouragement:Believing in others and uplifting them builds confidence, strengthens teamwork, and helps people overcome challenges. It motivates individuals to keep going, especially when they feel tired or uncertain, and transforms groups into unified, supportive teams. Encouragement creates trust, emotional support, and a culture of resilience and hope, where everyone feels valued and inspired to do their best and contribute to shared goals.HowHow to Use This ResourceThis resource is intended to develop your personal leadership skills and IDENTITY as a “People-First” Leader.There are four sessions, each taking approximately 45–60 minutes to complete. This resource can be used in several different ways:• Small-group gatherings• Team meeting discussions• “Lunch-and-learn” conversations• Mentoring new members into your cultureThe best results will come from spending time in personal reflection as you engage in discussions with others about the principles. Reminder:“It’s hard to grow yourself by yourself!”Next would come the intentional inclusion of various “People-First” practices into your personal life, team, or organization.During each session, we will provide opportunities for your growth as a People-First Leader, enabling you to become someone others want to follow at home, school, work, or in your community.
© Relational Values Alliance 3RelationalValues.comYou as a Giving-First Person.......................................................................................................................................4Kindness Means Helping Out....................................................................................................................................6Appreciation: Saying Thank You for What People Do.................................................................................8Giving Words of Approval..........................................................................................................................................10Appendix: You as a Person Who Thrives.....................................................................................................12–13ContentsYOUR Journey in BECOMING!Importantly, in a People-First Culture, there are leaders whose IDENTITY is characterized as “thriving.”This transformation journey in wellness and flourishing can be characterized by the four stages noted below:• For example, you may be simply EXPLORING the importance of giving-first to others, or• You may have EMBRACED the importance of this practice and are seeking practical ways to live it out.• You may be seeking to develop a daily practice of EXPERIENCING the disciplines of giving-first, but hopefully, most important to you is…• YOU EXPRESSING the example of giving-firstas your IDENTITY! It’s “who you are.“
4 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.com1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveYou as a Giving-First PersonWHAT IS GIVING FIRST?Giving First means giving uniquely to another person without expectation of return. It means demonstrating genuine acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, or selflessness without expecting anything back. WHY IS GIVING FIRST IMPORTANT?• Giving First makes a positive impact on every relationship. It builds trust and strengthens connections.• Giving First to others can actually reduce your stress, increase your happiness, and boost your own life satisfaction and emotional well-being.• When groups of people give freely without expectation of personal benefit, it builds a sense of community and shared responsibility.Watch the video below. Notice how the bus driver gave uniquely to each student without expecting anything in return. Scan or click the QR code to see a video about Giving First.Pause and Reflect:How were the relationships probably better on that bus because of this giving first?The students were probably…The bus driver and the students were likely…The bus driver and his boss were probably…Here Is How You Can BECOME a Giving-First Person!First Step: Show EmpathyGiving First requires the ability to feel and understand another’s emotions. Would your spouse feel relieved if you pitched in or helped? Would your friend feel less anxious if you hugged them? Would your co-worker feel appreciated if you noticed their effort? Giving First requires understanding how your giving makes a positive emotional impact.Scan or click the QR code to see a video about Giving First.Pause and Reflect:Watch the video. Notice how the man changes from being clueless and uncaring to attentive and concerned. What positive emotions did each person feel?The people seemed to feel .Second Step: Cultivate Gratitude Imagine how YOU’VE felt when others have given to you. Remember these positive feelings, and then, out of your gratitude, give first to others.Pause and Reflect:Think about a time when someone gave in a way that was uniquely for YOU and expected nothing back. How did their giving make you feel? I remember when (name the person)gave to me by . I felt grateful because .Identifying as Happy, Hopeful, and Satisfied with LifeT.H.R.I.V.E. Solutions
© Relational Values Alliance 5RelationalValues.com © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2Third Step: Watch and Listen to GiveWATCH for opportunities to practice giving first all around you. The key to success is watching and listening with the intent to give. Think about how you can be more intentional about watching for opportunities to give.Scan or click the QR code towatch a video about the boomerang effect of Giving First.Pause and Reflect:I could be more intentional about watching and listening for opportunities to give first when I am…LISTEN- and think about the conversations you have had recently. Based on what you’ve heard, how could you give? Ask yourself:1. Have I learned about someone’s favorite? (For example: food/drink/candy/coffee/snack/type of pen/place to travel)2. Did I hear about a recent celebration in someone’s life? (For example: a new house, vacation, graduation)3. Have I heard someone talk about a need for help or support? (For example: help with chores/help with a project or assignment/learning how to do a task?)Pause and Reflect:Based on what you have heard, make a plan for how you could offer help, time, or resources to people around you. Make a plan, and then give first!Based on what I’ve heard or noticed recently, I plan to give to by .Give First at Home• My spouse/partner/roommate/friend has these things on his/her to-do list. I could help by…• My child said that he/she need help with , so I will make time to…Give First at School• Which teacher or professor seems stressed recently? Email them to say thank you for their effort and dedication.• How could you surprise someone with a hug, a cup of coffee, or an unexpected gesture of kindness at your school?Give First at Work• Who seems to need a warm smile and a pleasant greeting? Give them one!• Who has a specific topic of interest or a favorite hobby? Send an article or link to a podcast that matches their interest.• Who has worked hard, and whose work may have gone unnoticed? Write a thank-you note to them.• Who is struggling and needs mentoring, or could benefit from being shown how?Give First in the Community• Who has recently received some good news? Send a congratulatory text.• Who has provided outstanding service or gone the extra mile? Give an extra tip or brag on them in front of others.• Who needs a helping hand with food, resources, or chores? Make the offer of support in person or by email!
6 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.com1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveKindness Means Helping OutHelping others is an important aspect of kindness because it’s a win for everyone involved! When you lend a hand, the person receiving help feels better and more supported. Plus, helping others boosts your mood and can even make you feel more connected to your community. Being kind creates a positive cycle that makes the world a happier place for both the giver and the receiver.Kindness is the underlying motivation that inspires helpful actions. It’s the desire to do good for others, often driven by empathy and compassion for other people. To be kind requires that we take the focus ourselves and care for one another.Pause and Reflect:Watch the video. Notice how Sheldon does a great job (at first) of appreciating his friend for helping out. Things go terribly wrong when Sheldon’s focus turns back to himself.Share your responses to the following:• I could tell Sheldon took his focus off other people when…• I can sometimes put too much focus on myself and not pay attention to or care for others. Here’s what that looks like or sounds like for me…Being kind and helpful is a quality you can cultivate. This trait can become a part of who you are, not just something you do. But it does take practice!Here are three ways to pitch in, help out, and become a kinder person.Help Out by Giving Your Time or EffortWatch this video.Notice how Jess helps his friend by giving her advice and then shows her how to get out of a difficult situation.When someone receives the gift of your time or effort, it provides them with practical assistance, emotional support, and lightens their load. You could see Leslie’s relief when Jess helped her prevent more trouble.Pause and Reflect: When has a friend or family member given their time or effort and helped you out of a jam? Talk about your gratitude with someone now:• I was so grateful when ______ put in the time and effort to help me by __________. • That act of kindness helped me to…Let’s Practice Being Helpful Now:Think about one of the best “life hacks” (any trick, shortcut, skill, or method that increases productivity and efficiency in life). Share that with someone now.One of my best “life hacks” right now is…Identifying as Happy, Hopeful, and Satisfied with LifeT.H.R.I.V.E. Solutions
© Relational Values Alliance 7RelationalValues.com © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2Here are some other ways you could give your time or effort to be kind.• Offer to help someone who is younger or less experienced than you.• Clean up a mess that you didn’t make.• Spend time with someone you don’t usually spend time with.• Go to an event with someone just to make their life a little easier.• Teach someone how to do something they don’t already know.• Do a chore for someone else that you know they hate to do.• Just ask someone how you can help them, and then follow through!Help Out by Giving Money or ResourcesHelping others through acts of generosity has been linked to increased happiness, reduced stress, and even improved physical health outcomes for those who give. For the receivers, acts of generosity can provide much-needed help during difficult times.Watch the video and ask yourself the same question: “What good am I glad to give?” Or, “Have I ever given something to someone and it made me feel happy to do so?”Share your responses with someone now.• One of the things/times I’ve been glad to give is…• One of the new ideas I like from this video, and how I might give this week is…Helping Out Could Change Your WorldWatch the video of how this teacher challenges his students with an extra credit assignment to pay it forward.Think of an idea to change YOUR part of the world and how you could put it into action. Remember the diagram and how one small action can make a big impact when kindness multiplies.If you need some ideas about what to do, check out this website and the 365-day calendars of possible ways you could pitch in, help out, and make a difference with your kindness.Or, watch this video for fifty MORE ideas about how you could help out people in your community. Choose one way you’d like to change your world and then share it with a partner.Pause and Reflect:• One of the ways I’d like to change my part of the world is…• Here’s how I am going to be helpful today…• Here’s who I am going to help and how I’m going to encourage them to pay it forward!
8 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.com1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveAppreciation: Saying Thank You for What People DoWhy Giving Appreciation MattersExpressing thanks improves our outlook, reduces stress, and builds resilience. It can even make us more patient, which is especially important during stressful times. By thanking others, we acknowledge that someone has had a positive impact on our lives. That’s good for our well-being!Click or scan the QR code to watch the video and experience the positive impact that giving appreciation can have on you! Watch the video and text, email, or call a person and give your own “Shout Out of Appreciation!”Expressing appreciation is crucial for maintaining a positive environment, as it increases motivation and productivity, builds trust, and strengthens relationships. A culture of gratitude can help reduce workplace stress and burnout, and appreciated employees are even more likely to provide excellent customer service.What IS Appreciation?Appreciation is: Recognizing someone’s accomplishments or efforts, especially noticing things they have DONE. It includes sharing words of thanks and is often given through words of gratitude, notes, or small gifts or certificates.Gratitude for Receiving AppreciationWatch the video and ask yourself: How often do I give appreciation to others for their work, effort, accomplishments, contribution, or role they’ve played in our work?Share your reflections and honest assessment with a partner.Practice Noticing the Effort of OthersTake the next few moments to reflect on the accomplishments (even small ones), efforts made (even if not perfect), or contributions by one person or your team. Instead of a list of things to do, create a list of specific items this person or team has already done!1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Vocational Fulfillment, Adequacy, and PurposeT.H.R.I.V.E. Solutions
© Relational Values Alliance 9RelationalValues.com © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2Pause and ReflectAssess how many times you share appreciation vs. how many times you criticize. Work for a ratio of ten gifts of appreciation for every one aspect of performance that’s addressed. Tell someone you trust about your appreciation vs. criticism ratio.Remember: Be sure to show appreciation for an aspect of a team member’s performance or an individual’s work BEFORE any mention of what needs to be improved or changed.Finally, try these practical ways to give appreciation to keep your ratios intact.Make Appreciation Fun and Practical• Give a small, low-maintenance plant with a note that says, “Thanks for helping our team grow!”• Start a custom playlist. Call it “Why You Rock.” Start an email with reasons and songs that represent why someone’s work is great! Let others add to it.• Celebrate small wins with “Pass the Trophy.” Use a toy or virtual trophy that gets passed around weekly to the team’s MVP, along with a note that explains why.• Try Recognition Roulette. Randomly select members of your team/organization to receive appreciation texts/memes from you/your team.Now that you’ve identified WHAT this person or team has done reflect on HOW their contributions have made a positive impact on you, the team, or the organization.Finish two or three of the sentences below for each individual who needs to hear your appreciation.Practicing Giving Appreciation:As I think about your contribution/the work of this team,• I am grateful for the way you’ve contributed to… • You’ve done an outstanding job with…• I am grateful for your effort on , and because of you, we are able to…• I’m personally grateful for this aspect of your effort because…• I appreciate how you make our lives easier by…• Thank you for your help with . Because of your effort, we can…• Without your , we wouldn’t have . Therefore, I am thankful!Now, share these words with each individual or team. Let them hear and experience your appreciation!What Appreciation is NOTRemember: The opposite of feeling appreciated is feeling taken for granted or criticized. Criticism is felt when there is more emphasis on what is wrong with a person’s performance rather than on what is right.
10 © Relational Values AllianceRelationalValues.com1 © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thriveGiving Words of ApprovalAffirming character has powerful positive ripple effects in all our relationships.When we take time to point out the positive character traits in someone else, it benefits us and the person receiving our affirming words.Research tells us that intentionally recognizing and encouraging positive character traits like honesty, integrity, and empathy leads to higher life satisfaction, increased relational engagement, better team connection, and an overall more positive culture. Why Giving Approval MattersEvery person longs to hear the positive traits that others see in them. In a world that’s too often focused on assessing what we do and how well we measure up, it’s refreshing to know people acknowledge our worth beyond our performance. Affirming character in another person meets the relational need for Approval. Scan or click the QR code to watch the video and understand what it looks like and sounds like to give Approval.Approval is: Building up and affirming another person’s worth; Approval is acknowledging a person for WHO they are, not just for what they do.Pause and Reflect: Think about a time when someone affirmed your character, told you they were proud of you, or bragged about the importance of their relationship with you.Watch this video of a father and son. Can you remember a time when someone said these kind of words to you? How did you feel?A Framework For Deepening Relational Connections Think about the relationships around you: spouse, co-workers, friends, and family. Reflect on specific character traits you admire about them.Look at the list of character traits on the next page (or find some of your own). Choose one or two that you admire about each person on your list. Plan out what you would like to say to each person. Short sentences are usually the best. Remember: Giving Approval includes noticing someone’s character and commending them for it. “I’m so grateful for your CREATIVITY in our team/family. I was especially grateful when…”E.g., you helped us enjoy a great party with the new members of our department. E.g., you thought of a unique way to celebrate birthdays this month.“I love how…”E.g., “I love how DEPENDABLE you are; I can always count on you to do your part.”E.g., “I love how GENTLE you are with the new baby. I can tell you’re trying to be kind and gentle.”Pause and Reflect: Share sentences like these or the ones below with the people you identified above. If they’re not with you, send a text or email. Tell your team about any responses you get back.Recently, I was able to see your _________________(character quality). I was so proud of you because ___________________________________________I am so impressed with your ____________________(character quality). I see that quality in you when___________________________________________Remember: Approval requires knowing someone deeply to see the good inside them. T.H.R.I.V.E. SolutionsRelational Closeness in Caring Connections
© Relational Values Alliance 11RelationalValues.com © Relational Values Alliancerelationalvalues.com/thrive 2Thirty Selected Character Qualities1. ACCEPTANCE—deliberate and ready reception with a favorable response; to receive someone unconditionally and willingly2. CAUTIOUSNESS—gaining adequate counsel before making decisions; recognizing bad choices and avoiding them3. COMPASSION—feeling the hurts of others and doing all that is possible to relieve them4. CONTENTMENT—enjoying present possessions rather than desiring new or additional ones; being happy regardless of circumstances5. CREATIVITY—finding “out of the box” solutions to difficult problems; discovering practical applications from life’s wisdom6. DECISIVENESS—finalizing difficult decisions on the basis of life principles, personal values, and sound wisdom7. DEFERENCE—limiting my freedom to not offend but rather serve those around me8. DEPENDABILITY—being true to your word even when it is difficult to carry out what you promised to do9. DILIGENCE—seeing every task as a significant personal assignment and applying energy and concentration to accomplish it10. DISCERNMENT (Sensitivity)—knowing what to look for in evaluating people, problems, and things; saying the right words at the right time11. ENDURANCE (Perseverance)—maintaining commitments during times of pressure12. FAITH—developing an unshakable confidence in what could be and acting upon it13. FORGIVENESS—choosing to not hold an offense against another; remembering how much we have been forgiven14. GENEROSITY—learning how to be a wise steward of time, money, and possessions; being cheerful in sharing what we have and who we are15. GENTLENESS—responding to needs with kindness and love; knowing what is appropriate to meet the emotional needs of others16. GRATEFULNESS—recognizing the benefits that have been provided; looking for appropriate ways to express genuine appreciation17. HOSPITALITY—sharing what we have with those whom we don’t know; caring well for strangers18. HUMILITY—recognizing our inability to accomplish very much all by ourselves; recognizing our fundamental neediness19. INITIATIVE—giving first rather than waiting for others to give; taking appropriate action even when not asked20. LOYALTY—adopting as your own the wishes and goals of those you are serving21. MEEKNESS—yielding our rights in order to serve; being willing to earn the right to be heard rather than demanding a hearing22. PATIENCE—accepting difficult situations without irritation but with kindness and grace23. PUNCTUALITY—showing esteem for other people and their time by not keeping them waiting24. REVERENCE—communicating a sense of respect and wonder, especially as an expression of faith25. SECURITY—trustworthy; able to be counted upon26. SELF-CONTROL—resisting self-satisfaction, selfdefensiveness, and fearful control; bringing our thoughts, words, and actions under control27. SINCERITY—having motives that are transparent; having a genuine concern to benefit the lives of others28. TRUTHFULNESS—risking the consequences of openness; facing the consequences of a mistake; telling the whole truth29. VIRTUE—demonstrating personal moral standards that challenge others to consider theirs30. WISDOM—seeing life from a perspective greater than yours; learning how to apply life principles in practical situations.
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© Relational Values Alliance 13RelationalValues.comTransformation in T Character and VirtueHealth: Physical, H Mental, and EmotionalRelational Closeness R in Caring ConnectionsIdentifying as Happy, Hopeful, and Satisfied with LifeIVocational Fulfillment, Adequacy, and VPurposeEnjoy Financial E Stability and FreedomPeople Who T.H.R.I.V.E. Give Attention to Their Continued GrowthScan the QR code to take the 12-question T.H.R.I.V.E. Assessment. Acknowledgment and PermissionsSpecial Acknowledgment and Gratitude to the Harvard Human Flourishing Program: The Program’s flourishing index measure is copyrighted under a Creative Commons License (CCBY-NC 4.0). However, it can be used without permission for noncommercial purposes if proper citation is given. The reference for the paper in which the measure was presented is:VanderWeele, T.J. (2017). On the promotion of human flourishing. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, U.S.A., 31:8148-8156.Scan QR code to watch Harvard's video about their Human Flourishing Program.You as a Person Who T.H.R.I.V.E.s @Home, @School,@Work, in Faith, and in Community!Human flourishing or well-being can be described as “the place in which all aspects of a person’s life are good.” There are different perspectives about what is meant by “all aspects of life.” Still, researchers agree on the priority of assessing life holistically. To assess well-being, we must consider EACH of the important domains of life and how well we are flourishing in them.The Human Flourishing Program at Harvard has developed a tool to assess human flourishing based on five central domains: (1) character and virtue, (2) physical and mental health, (3) close social relationships, (4) happiness and life satisfaction, (5) meaning and purpose, and the sixth (6) domain relates to the stability of our finances or access to practical and financial resources that allow us to flourish and sustain well-being (VanderWeele, 2017).To thrive means “to grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way; to flourish; to live a satisfying, meaningful life.” We can label the six domains of human flourishing with the T.H.R.I.V.E. acronym.