SAT 5/23/14 3:43 PM Page 1 of 3 KETCHUP

SAT 5/23/14 3:43 PM
Page 1 of 3

KETCHUP

SS: These are the good years for Jim and me. We’re in
Atlanta during the January blizzard and we bought up
dozens of homes people were selling in a panic and moving
to Florida and we made a bundle and so I was able to afford
botox and Jim had his jowls removed and we were
attractive again. One morning, I went downstairs to ask Jim
about maybe a vacation in Aruba and he had headphones
on and he was listening to music.

TR (TO HIMSELF):
They call me the wanderer
Yeah, the wanderer----
I roam around, around, around

SS: Jim, I saw a nice health spa on Aruba---What you say
we go spend a few weeks.

TR: Why, Barb? Let’s wait until I get slimmed down with
this protain powder I bought.

TR: It gives you increased muscle mass, so you burn
additional calories without any exercise whatsoever. Hey--
-- what’s wrong with your face?

SS: What do you mean?

TR: Those frown lines between your eyebrows --- you
ought to get botox.


 

SAT 5/23/14 3:43 PM
Page 2 of 3

SS: I did, Jim. In February. After the snowstorm.
TR: Oh.
SS: You didn’t notice, did you.
TR: I guess not.
SS: It made me feel bad that you didn’t notice that the
frown lines were gone and that’s what made the frown lines
come back. So now I need a complete facelift.
TR: Gosh I love this song. (SINGS TO HIMSELF) Little
Surfer, little one, you have made my life undone. How I
love you, little Surfer Girl ---OOOOOO (FALSETTO,
UNDER….)
SS: Oh Jim. I feel so bad about those Atlantans who sold
us their homes at a fraction of their value. What do you say
we send a truckload of ketchup down there. Ketchup
contains natural mellowing agents that help prevent panic
due to weather.


 

SAT 5/23/14 3:43 PM
Page 3 of 3

RD (SINGS):
These are the good times
We’re putting on the Ritz.
The bloom is on the flowers
The peachtrees and peach pits
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on your grits

GK: Ketchup, for the good times.
RD: Ketchup, ketchup.