Yalla Issue 3

made me feel: "This is how it should time, Saturday was a crucial day. The lead- live in Israel for three months
be." She vividly remembers the wedding up would be something like four Saturdays with six-week-old baby Dinah.
ceremony, "Once he broke the glass, I in a row, all day Sunday, and that was what "And it turned into three and
had never seen anything like it – the you would do. And I remember telling my a half years," laughs Danielle.
shul went electric! These frum boys boss: 'I don’t want to work on Saturdays "‘Looking back, I remember

being on the phone to
Aquascutum trying to negotiate
part-time work. That’s when I
had difficulty. There was never
any difficulty with Shabbat,
but as soon as motherhood
came into the picture – and
I was only asking for Fridays
off – I came up against a brick
wall. That was hard. It’s like
motherhood taints you. I think
that’s why I feel so passionate
about Pannyy."

Danielle and Paul now have

four children (Dinah, 10,

were throwing their hats in the air, and anymore, is this going to affect my work? Avigail, 8, Rafael, 6, and Shira,
there was singing and dancing and they 'I was so nervous to broach it with her but 4), and she is very candid about
brought the whole place to life. For the she was like: 'Okay.' And then I started the challenges of being a mum,
first time I saw that that’s where the joy to ask for the Jewish holidays off. I think a wife and running a business.
is – not in the disco after. And I thought that in the workplace, when they know "Being a mother is incredible,
to myself, when I get married, it better that your work is not going to be affected the best thing in the world.
and that you will make it up and the job But it is a challenge to balance
be like this!" all these worlds – I want to be
the person to instil all their
Once her sister left home, Danielle will get done, it doesn’t matter."

felt brave enough to begin to discover After Paul Smith (during which time she values, I want to look after my

her Judaism for herself. She started married her husband, also called Paul), she kids, not leave it to a nanny,
to take the train up to Golders Green was offered a job as a senior designer at but it is a juggle when you are
after work to go to the JLE, where she Karen Millen. "And what was interesting running a business as well." Are
listened to, among others, Rabbi Tatz, was, once they offered me the job, I had her children creative? "One is

Rabbi Hill and Rabbi Kirsch. After a to have the conversation [about taking particularly artistic, more so

while, she began to become observant off Shabbat and chagim] again, and it was than when I was little," she

in mitzvot. "I started doing things amazing. It was another woman who was says. "Another daughter has

like lighting candles in my office on a the creative director and she was just like creativity oozing out of her

Friday night. I’d light the candles, carry 'We want you. It’s fine. We’ll work around in other ways, be it singing or

on working and then get someone to let you.'" dancing or other things. I think

me out of the building." all kids are creative, just in
At Karen Millen, she was headhunted by
The big issue arose when she decided she Aquascutum, and while on maternity leave different ways."

wanted to keep Shabbat. "During show from Aquascutum, she and Paul went to She laughs when I ask her

YALLA MAGAZINE 51

about being a wife – "That’s a whole She admits that it can sometimes elegance, but functionality as well,"
other challenge in itself !" – as well
as having a working partnership be hard when they don’t agree, and explains Danielle. "Ever since university
with her husband (she and Paul run
Pannyy together). concedes that sometimes he is right. years, there was always an element of

"The challenge of marriage for us She tells of how a factory in Italy function in everything I designed. All
is to enjoy this fast-moving period
[in the children’s lives], to enjoy made them samples that she could bags have a purpose, but I wanted to
each other and the business. Trying
to find time and love for all these see weren’t right, but she was scared give it my take on things. I wanted to
things." I ask if Paul has encouraged
her business, and she is emphatic: of moving to a different factory. But make the inside of the bags as beautiful
"Yes! He has pushed me, pushed
me! He believes in me. Any success Paul insisted they should move. "He as the outside, so that it was not merely
I have from now on is due to him.
I love making things come to life, said 'It’s not good enough', and he a fashion accessory, but a helpful tool
but making a business come to life
is a whole other story. He helps me was right, and now we have this for the women of today
with the techy stuff, negotiating
with factories, those sorts of things." wonderful factory," she says. She
goes on: "He’s always right about "I get very upset about the fact that my
this stuff, but I always challenge bag is a big open hole that gets junk
him. We’re right about totally thrown in it. Like all mothers, like all
different things. He wouldn’t know working women – it just all goes in.
the difference between a jumper and Organisation is important to me. In fact,
my favourite thing in the world is those
a cardi!"
pop-out pencil cases from childhood –

Danielle started having ideas for the Sellotape pops out of there, and the

Pannyy a couple of years ago. "I’ve scissors pops out of there, and you press

always been a bit obsessed with it and there’s a code… it’s my heaven!

52 YALLA MAGAZINE

So I wanted to bring that to luxury handbags, 53
somehow.

"Women today are multifunctioning human
beings and it’s wanting to give luxury to that
idea - luxury to the everyday. As much as a
working woman can take my bag and feel
very organised (and we’ve considered what
she can fit in it and how much she can carry),
it can also work if she’s running home to her
child (there’s a place to put a feeding bottle
in the bag), or if she’s off to the gym. You’re
really elevating the everyday. Here is a bag
you want to use every day, but it’s going to
look so beautiful that it won’t feel like it’s an
everyday bag."

I ask about the design inspiration for the bag
and she explains that the original inspiration
for all the bags – or at least a part of it – was
the guitar strap. "Because the guitar strap is
the most comfortable strap that you can wear
on your body when you’re carrying something
heavy," says Danielle. "Guitar straps don’t
have metalwork for you to be able to make
them bigger or smaller, they have these slits.
The original collection has that, and now I’ve
pulled that detail out and have made that the
icon of Pannyy." And what of the name? I had
assumed that it was derived from the French
word for basket – panier – but the answer is
far more charming than that: ’Pannyy is my
childhood nickname - Danny Pannyy. My
family and best friends still call me that!’

With that she checks her watch and it is
time for goodbyes. She envelops me in a
long-limbed hug and then she is off as she
jumps into her mummy-car. As I walk away
I am reminded of the title of a talk I had
noticed online that she once gave at Central
Synagogue – "Can you be frum and have a
career in fashion?" I think she is proof that,
yes, beyond a doubt, you absolutely can!

YALLA MAGAZINE

THE CLASSROOM
OF 2018

- E X PE R I E N TAL E D U CAT I O N

Rabbi Yitsy David shares insights on how Chazak’s immersive experiences
have engaged their youth, creating the ultimate platform for cutting -edge

experiential education.

Rabbi Yitsy David sheds light on how Chazak is paving the way
forward for the youth of our community.

The teachers of our millennial students will attest to the
challenges they face in the classrooms of today. The restrictions
of the four walls and rigid syllabi leave little room for even
the most creative of teachers to battle the disenchanted hearts
and minds of our youth. It is for this reason that we have been
witness to the more recent introduction of informal education
departments in schools over the last decade. The education
system has indeed recognised the absolute need to infuse the
classroom with values and learning of skills in a more informal
capacity, often outside the walls of the classroom.

We at Chazak have maximised the opportunity to impact and
empower our youth through informal experiences! We teach
in both formal and informal capacities. However, we also run
sports and social events, as well as trips abroad, enlightening
and connecting teenagers through immersive experiences to
engage them. We don’t run trips or exciting activities purely for
the sake of having fun, it is all done with loftier goals in mind.
We seek to engage young people in their Judaism, but recognise
how imperative it is to do so in attractive ways that immerse
them in the learning. In fact, this mode of education has become
so crucial that Yeshiva University, in New York, now offers a
course for educators in what they call ‘Experiential Education’,
empowering educators with the vital tools required to ensure
that experiences are holistically approached, thereby engaging
students who are unreachable in the regular formal education
system.

54 YALLA MAGAZINE

the clouds. We didn’t just see the beauty and wonders
of Hashem’s world, we actually felt that we were a
fundamental part of it.

I thought it may be interesting to explore some of There were many lessons learned from our skydiving
these ideas and learn something along the way. rendezvous, but there is one in particular I would like
to share. By far the most common question I have
Skydiving: Faith in G-d been asked (apart from “why on earth would you
jump out of a plane?” and “what were you thinking?!”)
Teenagers today, especially in the last years of school, was: “Were you scared?”The answer, without wanting
have many things which challenge them. These to sound macho, was no! I really wasn’t. I thought
distractions can side-track them from their academic I would be. I thought maybe at the beginning of
and social lives, causing detrimental damage. the experience; then when we were being strapped
Therefore, at the beginning of last year, I gave some together; when we got on the plane; or when we took
of my students a very difficult challenge that I hoped off… but no. Then I thought maybe when we were
would provide them with the encouragement and actually sitting on the edge of the plane door, looking
incentive required to focus more on their last year at 12 000 feet down to the land below us – I thought
school. The reward, for those who succeeded, was an then that I would be terrified to jump. But I wasn’t.
opportunity to do something they had always wanted
to do… throw their rabbi out of a plane! Well, sort Allow me to explain.As an inexperienced skydiver,you
of... I promised them that we could go skydiving can’t just jump out of a plane. You have to be strapped
together and that I would jump too! to an instructor, which is called tandem jumping, and
can do almost nothing yourself. The instructor pushes
One may think, what benefits can be gleaned from you out, guides you, pulls the parachute, directs you
such experiences? But, I can personally attest to the to the landing and even lands for you. You just have
incredible lessons that both my students and I learned to make sure not to get in the way. You only need to
from experience. The jump itself was enthralling; 12 trust him, one hundred percent, with your life, which
000 feet in the air, free-falling at 120mph, seeing the is almost an anomaly when you think about it. How
vastness of the land below you while gliding through can you trust an absolute stranger with your life?

When I thought about it, I came to the following

YALLA MAGAZINE 55

realisation. Yes, he is experienced. In fact, he has done this a
thousand times. When I quizzed him, he had all the answers,
safety precautions, the lot. Ultimately, however, I realised,
that, yes, my life is in his hands, but his life is in his hands
too. If, G-d forbid, he had to make a mistake, we were both
going down. He cared for my life at that moment, as much
as he cared for his own. So I knew with great conviction that
he would do absolutely everything he could to ensure our
safe arrival back on land, because we were in it together one
hundred percent.

This answered my reasons for trusting him fully. But, I was
still perturbed by the fact that I wasn’t afraid, which seemed
almost ridiculous to me?

There’s a difference between a skydive and a bungee jump. A
bungee jump, you have to jump. A skydive, you are strapped to
guy who jumps for you. I did nothing. I just leaned back and
waited for him to push us out the plane, and, before I even
realised, I was falling over the clouds, flying through the sky.
But, it was once I realised that someone else was in complete
control, someone I completely trusted, who was trained and
experienced, to whom my life was as important as his own,
that there was no reason to be afraid. How could I be scared! I
knew I just had to let go and let him do what he needed to do.

This is a perfect analogy for emunah: trusting in Hashem. If
we only believe that Hashem can, that He wants to, that He
cares about us more than we even care about ourselves, that
He’s in control, we wouldn’t feel afraid of what lies ahead.
Of course, it is easier said than done, but jumping out of a
plane profoundly enlightened me about my relationship with
Hashem and allowed me to experience what real trust in G-d
looks and feels like. It also motivated me to keep striving to
strengthen my relationship with Him even more.

56 YALLA MAGAZINE

The Nuts Challenge: Perseverance

And then I went from jumping out of a plane to wading through mud
and water, tackling hurdles and climbing ropes for seven kilometres,
to learn my next lesson of perseverance.

Teens nowadays; in fact, most of us nowadays, are not willing to put
in the required effort or get our hands dirty. We are the millennial
generation who demand instant gratification, always looking for
the easy way out. But, is this the correct approach? Is the easy path
always the right path?

We want to achieve maximum results with minimum effort, which
is human nature! We look for the quick and easy solutions without
having to get our trainers dirty in the process.

Think: seven kilometres of mud, water, hurdles, ropes, tyres and walls.

You can try and avoid it for all of about three minutes, but very
quickly you realise the only way you are going to get through this is
by getting dirty. There’s no other way. For the first few minutes, you
feel the adrenaline pulsing through your body, you’re energised. But,
after the first kilometre run, followed by a muddy pool of freezing
water, you think: “Why on earth am I doing this to myself ?!’ You
look around you and think: “Maybe I better turn around and find
an alternative route, skip an obstacle maybe,” and then suddenly you
realise there’s only one way through; if you want to complete the
challenge you have to just bite the bullet and jump in!

The journey of life is not always easy and sometimes we think the
easy way out is the right way out. But, if we want to do what we came
to do, to get the results we can achieve, we need to push through.
Unfortunately, though, many teenagers only realise this too late in
the game. The week before exams is just too late to suddenly realise
that hard work, revision and concentration is the way to achieve
good results. Many express how they wish they would have invested
the necessary effort a few months back.

In the Nuts Challenge, there’s no way of taking the easy route and
avoiding the hard work (there may have been one or two cheeky
shortcuts), but the only way through it is perseverance, which is the
most valuable lesson for young people to learn.

So often, we sell ourselves short and prevent ourselves from

YALLA MAGAZINE 57

manifesting the unlimited potential that lies within
because we simply “can’t be bothered”. What
happened to the “no pain, no gain!” mantra of the
last generation? Sometimes, the greatest things
in life only come through hardship and struggle
(exams, marriage, raising children, earning a living)
and if we aren’t willing to put in the effort, we can’t
simply can’t expect the results!
Having never run a marathon before, the Nuts
Challenge showed me how important it is to pace
myself. We don’t have to become great overnight.
In fact, Judaism espouses the necessity of growing
organically. We understand that greatness isn’t
achieved through doing one heroic act, but is rather
achieved through committing ourselves to doing
many small but consistent good deeds.

Perhaps the vital tools of trusting in Hashem,
combined with hard work and perseverance, can
provide our teens with two more weapons to
add to their arsenal, equipping them to face the
ever challenging tumultuous teenage years with
competence, zest and passion.

58 YALLA MAGAZINE

YALLA MAGAZINE 59

“The closest thing one can do to
giving children wings is to teach

them to love reading.”

60 YALLA MAGAZINE

TECHNO KIDS
TO BOOKWORMS?

Sara Elias shares insights on how to turn a
techno-kid into a bookworm

- Sara Elias

So first, I must lay my cards on the table: I am giving children wings is to teach them to love reading.
a reading expert only in that I am and always There are few joys and pleasures we know in life quite
have been an avid reader. Perhaps that is the like becoming immersed in a world other than our own
only qualification you need, but there you and following a tale that transfixes our inner wonder and
have it. The following are examples of my curiosity. One of life’s sweetest experiences is the thrill of
bibliophilia (ie, my love of books). My sister and I used falling in love with a fictional character. We leap into the
to have fights (don’t worry, nothing too dramatic!) during farthest reaches of the imagination when we open a book,
the summer holidays because she wanted to play and all I all safely within the comforts of our own surroundings. It
wanted to do was read. From earliest days, I can remember is one of the greatest delights of the human mind.”
reading and re-reading the back of the cereal packet at
breakfast time because there was nothing else to read at But the genie is out of the bottle – we can’t ignore
that time of the morning, and the cereal packet was better technology or wish it away, so we need to adapt. We
than (gasp!) nothing at all. Even now, my husband and would do well to recognise our own obsession with and
eldest daughter play the following hilarious (they think) dependence on technology. We pick up our phone to do
game on a Shabbat afternoon: while I am engrossed in one thing, and end up getting lost down a rabbit hole of
my book, they will start a conversation saying outrageous distraction; our children see this and learn from it. My
things to see if they can grab my attention and tear me own children, who are not yet old enough to have phones
away from my book (apparently, the prospect of a hippo themselves (if only they could never be old enough…)
walking into the room will do it). have taken to rolling their eyes when I get distracted by
my phone, and I’m sure that in a few years’ time I will be
Given that I am a self-proclaimed avid reader, I am the one doing the eye-rolling…
concerned – for myself, for my children, for everyone
around me – about the impact that technology is having Disconnect from tech
on all of us, and our ability to give ourselves up to books, – when you can
and the worlds that they create. This isn’t just about
escapism (though escapism is part of it). Reading is about As Jews, we are supremely fortunate in having Shabbat
putting ourselves in other peoples’ shoes and in that way – the ultimate excuse to disconnect for 25 hours. This
learning to empathise with the real people who surround is particularly helpful if you are trying to get a reluctant
us every day, which is in and of itself a Jewish ideal. reader to explore the joys of the written word, that
would be as good a moment as any to get the ball rolling
Rabbi Joseph Dweck, senior rabbi S&P Sephardi
Community, describes beautifully the joy and wonder
of the reading journey: “The closest thing one can do to

YALLA MAGAZINE 61

(or, indeed, the pages turning), especially because the There are things to
distraction of technology is not there. read all around you

However, it would be naive to think you can protect your By reading, I am not referring exclusively to fiction. Far
children from tech all the time, and nor would it be wise, from it: it can be the back of a cereal packet, a comic,
because we live in a world where technological skills an advertisement on the side of a bus – anything that
are as necessary as literacy and numeracy skills. As with stirs a child to appreciate the value of reading. There are
all things in life, there are ‘healthy’ ways of introducing now a number of newspapers and magazines specifically
your child to technology, and according to the National aimed at children, such as First News, The Week Junior and
Literacy Trust, we would all do well to follow these Aquila magazine. These are all packed with information
guidelines: about the world around them, and would be of interest
• Technology will work best when you and your to children who may not be so interested in fiction. (They
child play together using it, like a book. Your child still
are also exciting – if you subscribe, they are sent
directly to your home, giving your child a piece of
post all of their own to open once a week.)
In a recent article, Anna Bassi, editor of The Week
Junior, shared some feedback from her readers:
“We’re regularly told of children who normally
need to be persuaded to read, devouring their copy
from cover to cover.” So, if the thought of a ‘proper’
book is too daunting for your children, don’t force
them to read that. Instead, allow them to see that
there are other entry points into the multiverse of
books.

needs to see and hear you explaining and doing things Also, try not to dictate too much how they read, for
so they can understand how to do it themselves. In other example, if they like to have a few books on the go at any
words, try to avoid just sitting your child down with a one time, let them. I would highly recommend reading
tablet and an app and letting them get on with it. from a ‘real’ book rather than an e-reader. A ‘real’ book
gives one a chance to focus entirely and to experience the
• Everything is about balance. Make sure that any sheer pleasure of getting lost in another world without
time your child spends playing with technology is also the risk of an intrusive ‘ping’ from an incoming message
balanced with other activities, such as playing outside or or call.
playing ‘offline’ games together. It’s so easy to let 10 or 15
minutes on the iPad turn into an hour, but as the adult, Never too young
you need to be disciplined about how much screen time
your children have, and that will have to be up to you. I believe it is never too early to introduce a child to
They simply will not have the willpower. the pleasures of reading. Of course, I don’t mean that
you should be sitting your two-month-old down with
• When you and your child are playing with a volume of Shakespeare (Dickens, perhaps, but not
technology, make sure you connect it to other things Shakespeare ;). The earliest introduction to literature
your child is learning. For example, if you enjoy baking comes from songs such as lullabies and nursery rhymes.
together, see if there are any games or online recipes you Even the act of talking to a baby, for example, sitting
can find together. them on your lap and telling them about their day, is

62 YALLA MAGAZINE

an act of storytelling. If they aren’t quite old enough to “I will defend the
understand you, they will relish the eye contact and the importance of bedtime
rhythm of your voice. stories to my last gasp.”
JK Rowling
If your knowledge of nursery rhymes is a little rusty, then
you can pop along to your local library’s Rhyme Time
(these usually happen for an hour or so in the morning
once or twice a week). The words of those long-forgotten
rhymes will come back to you in no time!
As babies get older (and it’s hard to say exactly when
the right moment will come; it depends on your child),
you can begin to introduce that most magical of rituals –
the bedtime story. I cannot stress enough what a special
moment of the day this can be. Let your child pick a book
(if they want to), leave your phone outside the room, dim
the lights, cosy up together and prepare to lose yourselves
in another world…

With tiny tots, it is best to start with simple board books. for suggestions. You may even develop a relationship
Many of these have minimal (if any) words, and bright, with them whereby they learn what your child's tastes
bold pictures. With these, it is for you to narrate the story are and begin to look out for books for them.
to your child. Children will immediately be captivated From a personal point of view, so evangelical am I about
by the images and will love simply hearing the sound of this topic that I have recently started to gift Amazon
your voice. From here, depending on your child’s age and vouchers to friends with new babies, accompanied by a
stage, you can graduate to more complex board books and suggested list of books to buy that we as a family have
softbacks. loved over the years.

We are lucky indeed to be living in a golden age of You are your child’s most
children’s literature. You may have heard of children’s important influence
authors such as Julia Donaldson and Oliver Jeffers, and
illustrators such as Nick Sharratt and Quentin Blake, Not long ago, the National Literacy Trust conducted
but there are so many others to discover, too. It is a rich research into reading for pleasure. It found that
world indeed, and one well worth exploring. If the range promoting reading can have a major impact on children
of titles seems daunting, the Angels and Urchins website and their future. It also noted that parents and the
(angelsandurchins.co.uk) regularly has a well-curated home environment are essential to the early teaching of
and comprehensive round-up of recent titles for all age reading and the fostering of a love of reading.
ranges, from babies to confident readers. For some useful, practical information about how
Other recommendations can be found on the National to encourage reading in every age group, head to:
Literacy Trust website, http://www.wordsforlife.org.uk, literacytrust.org.uk.
and Amazon can be good at suggesting titles (once you
have bought one book it will suggest others you might
like that are similar).

However, by far the best source of recommendations will
be your local bookseller. Booksellers are often infectiously
enthusiastic about reading, and only too happy to be asked

YALLA MAGAZINE 63

“Words, language Free Jewish books!

and books are an If you are reading this with small children up to age eight
absolutely intrinsic in mind, there is one organisation that you absolutely
part of being Jewish. must explore – PJ Library in the UK. Started by a
philanthropist in the US, the premise of PJ is simple:
” each month a children’s book celebrating Jewish festivals,
values and traditions is posted to subscribers aged
between six months and eight years – completely free of
charge. (The books are selected according to age group, so
even if you have a household of several children, they will
all receive different titles.) Currently, PJ sends 500 000
books a month to children in 13 countries, including the
US, the UK, Israel, Mexico and Russia.
Sign up at pjlibrary.org.uk

We are the People of
the Book

Hashem created the world with words; at an upsherin (a
boy’s first haircut, at age three), we cover a laminated copy
of the aleph bet with drops of honey so as to make his
first introduction to the language as sweet as possible –
words, language and books are an absolutely intrinsic part
of being Jewish.

We used to tell stories (the Oral Law), and now we write
them down (the Written Law). The Torah is not a dry
blueprint of what we can and can’t do – by cataloguing
the strengths and weaknesses of humanity through the
stories we read in it, we are better able to understand how
to become better human beings. As we tell the story of
Purim, with the sounds of graggers ringing in our ears,
it brings the story of Esther to life, making sure we all
play our part in it, too. And on Seder night, perhaps the
ultimate night of storytelling in the Jewish calendar, we
remember the plagues and the miracles beyond human
imagination.

64 YALLA MAGAZINE

Make it up as you go
along

When children start to use language, they will often come
up with mispronunciations of the words they are trying to
say – ‘banaah’ instead of ‘banana’, for example, or ‘lub oo’
instead of ‘love you’. At a friend’s suggestion, my husband
and I decided to celebrate these one-off moments by
writing them down, and, for a long time, kept a list on
the wall of all the funny things our children kept saying.
These lists are now among the most precious things I own,
and the children love to look back at their younger selves
and the way they used to say things. And as they get older,
sometimes they will deliberately mispronounce words. It
is an early way of playing with language and rhyme and
should be encouraged. The sillier the better!

This is a vast topic, of which I have merely scratched the
surface, but I hope this has given you some helpful ideas
and jumping-off points. The most important thing to
remember is that if your children (or indeed grandchildren)
see you enjoying books, they are more likely to enjoy them
too. Have fun and, of course, happy reading!

Sara Elias is a proud Ashkefadi – born Ashkenazi, she is Sephardi
by marriage. Inspired by the inimitable Sephardi tradition of

hospitality – not least the cooking prowess of her amazing mother-
in-law, Daisy – Sara loves to cook (though obviously not as well
as Daisy) and entertain. In a heart-warming show of marital
compromise, Sara’s husband David has agreed that she can bring
herring into the house, but only as long as there is a mitigating jar

of amba (pickled mango) in the fridge. Before becoming a full-time
mother, Sara was chief sub-editor on a food magazine. She now
volunteers in the community, thoroughly enjoys leading the 0-4s
children’s service at St John’s Wood Shul whenever she can, and is
currently PTA chair at her children’s school. Very occasionally, she
finds the time to write.

YALLA MAGAZINE 65

NI

U ET D
WE
S TAN D
Gareth Kobrin shares his experience of how community cohesion
has lightened the load and ensured the beauty of the Jewish
people is revealed through acts of kindness.

66 YALLA MAGAZINE

In May 1995, Christopher Reeve was saddling up for a show-jumping competition. The
striking, muscular actor who immortalised the heroic character Superman was the epitome
of physicality: 6-foot 4-inches tall, handsome and every bit the Man of Steel he portrayed.

After conquering the stage and screen, Reeve – an avid horse rider – decided his next
challenge was to master the art of equestrian.

On this fateful day, while approaching the third fence jump, his horse made a ‘refusal’.
It began the jump and suddenly stopped, throwing Reeve forward. He had experienced
several refusals in his riding career and was skilled in the art of falling safely. This had
happened countless times and his body was trained to survive it.

However, on this occasion – because it was a competitive event – his instincts focused only on winning.
His mind immediately did a calculation to work out the best way he could stay on the horse to continue
competing.

YALLA MAGAZINE 67

"Aaron had just
been diagnosed

with the rare
genetic disorder,
Rubinstein-Taybi
Syndrome, and so
we were grappling
with thoughts of
a future filled with

suffering."

Instead of protecting himself and falling safely, he
attempted to hold onto the reins. His hands somehow
became tangled and he landed head-first on the far side
of the fence, shattering his first and second vertebrae. The
result was a devastating spinal injury that paralysed him
from the neck down.

Reeve used to recount the story with vivid detail. He
recollects, in slow motion, explaining that it was a
conscious decision to jeopardise his own safety for the
sake of ‘victory’.

The message is obvious: if he had only kept his focus on
living the moment, the immediate challenge, instead of
obsessing about the future – he might have come out
unscathed.

The story resonated with me, because it took me back to
a small hospital room almost four years ago to the day…

Having just been told that something was wrong with

68 YALLA MAGAZINE

"I can say our newborn boy Aaron, my wife Aimee unity of the kehilah. I don’t have Torah
can state and I were ushered to a waiting area where wisdom and I can’t quote any pasukim,
categorically someone was going to come and console but I thought I could perhaps share a few
we wouldn't us. Aaron had just been diagnosed with anecdotes from these difficult years which
have made the rare genetic disorder,Rubinstein-Taybi might inspire the theme of achdut.
it had it not Syndrome, and so we were grappling with
been for the thoughts of a future filled with suffering. In business, it is always important to stay
incredible ahead of any controversial story. If you can
unity of the News like that invades you, leaving a raw manage the narrative of how an event is
kehila." wound looming that no words can heal. portrayed, you can control it. Therefore,
And so it is hard to explain how ridiculous when we learned of Aaron’s syndrome, I
it sounds when the wise counsellor decided to email a detailed exposé to my
approaches and utters the most anodyne network, explaining the situation. (It was
words imaginable: “You will just have to part PR-stunt, part therapy for me.)
take it one day at a time.”
Below is an extract from the email:
But, what he said next was even more
dumbfounding: “You are luckier than “Nothing travels faster than the
most, though, because you are Jewish.” speed of light, with the possible
exception of bad news, which obeys
I wasn’t sure if this was some kind of its own special laws.” That’s a quote
Labour Party-esque anti-Semitic jibe from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
about wealth and privilege, or perhaps Galaxy.
an innocent allusion to a nation used to
dealing with adversity, so I retorted a little The birth of a child should never be
too harshly: “Why would that make a bad news, but of course, there are
difference!?” circumstances surrounding births
which can be less than joyous.
The gentle, gentile doctor calmly said:
“Because I have never seen a community So, if I listen to the words above, I
that unifies and helps its own like yours. can assume all of you reading this
Take it day by day, because your People would have heard something about
will be there for you.” the birth of our little boy on Saturday
and the resulting “less than joyous”
In all honesty, this condolence didn’t help circumstances. I am sending this to
much back then. The doctor went on all my contacts because we would
to list the Jewish charities, schools and prefer our friends and families to
various other support structures in place be as informed as we are, but if you
for parents with special needs kids. But, at don’t know what I’m talking about
the time, I couldn’t focus on the fall, I was and aren’t in the mood for a fairly
only worried about the future. dark tale, then don’t ruin your mood
and read on.
But, here we are – four years later – and
I can state categorically we wouldn’t have Those of you who know me will know
made it had it not been for the incredible that I detest political correctness.

YALLA MAGAZINE 69

I like to say it how it is and if that offends people, The email went on to describe the N
then too bad. I do not want anyone to think I birth itself and subsequent diagnosis.
am not taking the situation seriously. It has been I tried to keep it light-hearted and I
by far the darkest and most terrifying three days suppose, because it was honest and
of my life, but if we can’t find some light in the humorous, it went quite ‘viral’ (an
darkness then it would consume us. ironic term given the content).

The word “retarded” is very harsh, but after The astounding thing for me was not
using it frequently in front of the doctors to try that the email went viral, but rather the response we
get clarity, it is unfortunately probably the most received to it. There is obviously something about special
children that hits home with people, but the reaction was
apt description. nothing short of overwhelming.
I am told the
PC word is The global Jewish community replied with one voice.
“special”, but Offers of support and love spilled in from every continent.
I can’t endorse People we didn’t know from communities in the US,
this yet. They Canada and Australia shared similar stories and even
love to throw medical advice… or simply sent their prayers.
around the term
“syndrome” here I still have the thread in my Gmail – over 300 people
in London, wrote to us!
but again that
isn’t descriptive The Jewish community isn’t just one nation; we are one
enough for me. skin. If you injure even the smallest piece of a human
being’s largest organ (which is the skin), the pain is felt
After discussing everywhere. Similarly, when one Jew feels pain, it hurts
with a good the whole Jewish body.
friend here, I
have settled on Anyone who has had a baby in London has probably
his suggestion benefited from a dinner roster for a couple of weeks. Well,
of “Limited we basically had one for a couple of years.
Edition”. Our
little boy has Aaron was very sick in the beginning and we spent the
majority of time in one of either the Royal Free or Great
Ubeen born with Ormond Street hospitals. I obviously still had to work
certain rare during the days and my heroic wife Aimee and I would
characteristics share sleepover duties at night, but every single evening,
that make him our girls would have delicious home-cooked meals. We
unique and only knew about 20 people in London, but somehow the
not “regular”. community managed to feed us for months on end. It
He may have was like a special needs version of the Chanukah miracle.
a syndrome, his
mental and physical development may indeed be We don’t have any relatives in London, and yet every
retarded and I have no doubt he will be special single week we were invited to another hospitable home
– but for now he is my Limited Edition little to share in the beauty of Shabbos. (I say we didn’t have kin,
man. but actually there was one particular family who basically
adopted us.They had been blessed with their own Limited

70 YALLA MAGAZINE

i Edition angel a chance to sneak a Shabbos
and this crazy afternoon shlof.
bevy has been
our surrogate AA Milne said it
family ever
since). Ebest for me in the

Feeding ageless Winnie the
Yids in need Pooh:

tperhaps “How do you spell
comes 'love'?" – Piglet
naturally to
most Jewish "You don't spell it...
mums, but you feel it." – Poo
giving your time is not as natural.
I would be remiss if I didn’t share
The local community’s approach one of the many experiences we
to tzedakah is nothing short of had with probably the best example
supernatural. of the uniqueness and unity of the
Jewish community, Hatzola.
I haven’t been allocated enough
words to do justice to the By Divine providence, we used to
organisations that have helped us live next door to one of the tzaddiks
over the years, from Norwood and who volunteers for this incredible
Kef, to Seed, Gift and GOSH (not group. One Friday morning, I was
a Jewish charity, but supported by nursing my usual post-GOSH visit
many). A special mention to the hangover, sitting in a sales strategy
sensational Camp Simcha, who meeting at about 11:30am. I get a
literally went beyond their remit to WhatsApp message from Aimee,
give our girls ‘Big Sisters’ to keep which reads: “In ambulance.”
them company during the tough
times, and who arranged countless Now, I am not a panicker, and
cabs to the hospital and other when you have a kid who has
seemingly small but momentous
acts of kindness. Dspent roughly a third of his life in

I am not sure if you have heard hospital, you needs to maintain
of the gift initiative called the composure. So, after
‘Shabbos Walk’, but it is a mind- Aimee’s chillingly vague
blowing project in humanity. The message, I calmly excused
amazing kids of our community myself from the meeting
come together to give their free and called her.
time on Shabbat afternoons to
take children with special needs Now this is not meant
and other disabilities for a simple to offend my epic eishet
walk; giving the mothers some chayil in any way – when
much needed respite, and the abbas there is an emergency she
tends to go into super-
human autopilot mode and doesn’t

YALLA MAGAZINE 71

"There is an overwhelming feeling that we are all
part of the same Oneness – fragments of an infinite
Source that binds us together no matter what."

really worry about my fragile emotions – but I didn’t get much more information when I phoned
either: “We’re in the ambulance, Aaron isn’t breathing – his heart rate is
worryingly high and oxygen level low. Can’t really talk, meet us at A&E”.
End call.

Okay. My office is a five-minute train ride from the Royal Free, so I calmly
put on my ‘out of office’, tell my colleagues I need to step out for a minute
and take a slow jog to the train station up the road. Next train arrives in
six minutes, so I try call Aimee a couple of times for an update. No answer.
I’m chilled, so I put in my earphones and patiently wait for the train.

I enter the Accident & Emergency section of the Royal Free, which is like
our home away from home. I patiently wait in line for my turn. Another
information-packed text from Aimee arrives: “Ask for Resus.”Now, Aimee
isn’t the world’s greatest speller, but I’m a smart guy – I know what Resus
must mean – she definitely didn’t mean: “Ask for Jesus.”

Again, with the coolness of a meditating cucumber, I politely enquire: “Hi, I think my son came into
A&E in an ambulance. My wife is with him – I think in the resuscitation area?”

The man behind the counter reacted like I had shouted “Code Red” or something, and basically carried
me on his shoulders to what is without a doubt the scariest room I have ever been in: The Resuscitation

Trauma Unit.

It is impossible to describe the scene in a way that adequately
conveys the fear you feel when you see your tiny baby surrounded
by about 11 people – needles, oxygen masks, monitors and alarms
wailing – trying his best to breathe.

The story ended well, but the point is that if it wasn’t for Hatzola,
we might not have been so lucky.

When Aaron started struggling to b reath, my amazing wife bolted
next door, leaving an Aimee-shaped hole in our front door like in the cartoons. Our neighbour was
home, preparing for the early winter Shabbos and, without hesitation, he responded. Five minutes later,
he had Aaron on oxygen on our kitchen floor while they waited for the ambulance.

Three minutes later, Aimee was in the ambulance with the blue lights flashing on the way to the resus
unit. (And I had the nerve to get offended that the text she sent during this time wasn’t informative
enough!)

72 YALLA MAGAZINE

By the time AJ had stabilised, the Shabbos bride had
already arrived. And yet the angels from Hatzola were
still at his bedside, waiting to give us a ride home.
These people don’t know us, and yet they voluntarily
miss Shabbos with their families to help us. If that isn’t
the definition of unity, what is?

I think the resounding consistency in these stories is
that in almost all cases, the love and support came from
a source unknown to us. This is what distinguishes
our community: we don’t view each other as simply
neighbours or colleagues. It’s not even “fellow Jews” or
family.

There is an overwhelming feeling that we are all part
of the same Oneness – fragments of an infinite Source
that binds us together no matter what.

Despite the fact that we have different sects and minhags
and there are over 14 million different places to daven
in the North-West London area, this community is a
single organism. There are a multitude of differences
and yet united we will always stand, never divided to
fall.

I think Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks said it best: “I don’t
need you to agree with me, I need you to care about
me.”

Gareth Kobrin was born South Africa where he
graduated with a master’s degree in economics
from the University of Cape Town. He
moved to London just over a decade ago where he worked in the
banking industry for a few years, and then qualified as a chartered
management accountant. He is now the CEO of a tax technology
company called VATGlobal, which is part of the VAT IT Group. He
is married to Aimee and they have three children. When he is not
doing VAT stuff, he loves to write and is obsessed with sport. If you
need any advice on VAT or just want some sports banter, Gareth can
be contacted at [email protected].

YALLA MAGAZINE 73

The Mashalla Fair
A Sephardi extravaganza put together by
Chazak’s very own events creator, Hannah Flax

- S H I R A DR U I O N

Chazak is aimed at uplifting and enriching the Sephardi
community in London, and recently it launched its newest
endeavour. The Mashalla Fair took the Sephardi commu-
nity by storm with an attendance of over 600 people, who
partook of a cultural feast to bring down the house. Rabbi
Moshe Levy says his vision is to “bring all ages and levels of
the Sephardi community together to connect people back

to their heritage and rich culture”. Indeed, the rich and
multi-coloured heritage of the Sephardi community was
honoured, and the fair was a hive of activity for the whole
family. This included camel rides, a magic carpet ride, family
portraits in traditional Moroccan attire, chilli eating chal-

lenges, and Mother’s Day massages.

The Chazak team also ensured attendees experienced a real
life Israeli shuk, buzzing with energy and a scrumptious

assortment of delights like freshly made shwarma, pita and
all its flavoursome condiments; a full sweet store for children

with hungry bellies; and a sumptuous array of traditional
baked goods that included chocolate rugelach, bourekas and
nutty filled baklava. One of the attendees enthusiastically ex-
claimed: “What a fantastic event for all the family to enjoy!
The best fair we have been to by far, and the four real camels

were simply super! My kids were elated!”

Chazak’s Rabbi Yitsy David said: “We are a fully committed
team of people who are passionate about continuing to en-
rich the Sephardi community and beyond with a full host of
programmes for all levels and stages. Our aim is to continue
to create events that unite people with dynamic and original
events that attract the participation of the entire community.
The Mashalla Fair achieved this goal, which was reflected in
the large numbers who came out to support the event. Our
community is hungry for more events of this nature, and we

hope to provide them with more on a consistent basis.”

74 YALLA MAGAZINE

YALLA MAGAZINE 75

ONE NATION
ONE HEART

Rabbi Shlomo Farhi enlightens us There is a great and often overlooked power to the
with powerful insights on the holiday holiday of Shavuot. We know it as the celebration of
the receiving of the Torah. And that is no doubt true.
of Shavuot and its inextricable But I'd like to explore Shavuot by approaching it
relationships with unity. through a different angle, offering an amplified depth
of understanding of this awesome day.

Our rabbis teach us that each and every holiday doesn't
only live in the past, but they resonate in our present and
carry within them the energy force that was implanted
in them in their first occurrence. Pesach carries within

76 YALLA MAGAZINE

You see, we are taught that when

the Jewish nation stood at the foot

of Mount Sinai all those years ago,

it a great and latent power of freedom. As the day that ready to accept the Torah, they
liberated our people in history, it then became that day in stood as one man, with one heart.

our Hebrew calendar which made it a fortuitous time for - “And Israel camped there opposite the mountain.”
that specific achievement for all of eternity. Thousands
of years later, we continue to have the chance to use the The singular use of the word Yisrael and the singular verb
days of Pesach to become free once again, not only from of vayichan combine to teach us that they were as one,
Egypt, but from all things that constrain us. completely united in heart and in soul. When Rashi quoted
this, he added one more ominous point from the Midrash...
Shavuot, by extension, is a day where we can acquire a "They camped there as one." This teaches us that their
new and relevant acceptance of Torah, morality, self- regular travels did not take place in a unified fashion, which
sacrifice and human excellence. A renewed receiving of is reflected in the fact that it speaks about them using plural
the Torah of sorts. But, I think there is something else terminology: "vayisau vayachanu".
that doesn't get the press time that it should.
There was something special, epic almost, about this

coming together. It happened in an unusually unified way

YALLA MAGaAnZdItNhEerefore its importance is magnified. Why 7d7id they

fight, or not get along on other journeys? But here, when it came to
Shavuot, they did so as a unified nation? The answer is the power of
Shavuot, and it also teaches us a fundamental life lesson: the key to
Torah and perhaps all transformative life experiences is for these to
be experienced as a sole entity, free from the usual friction.

G-d's intention for our world was to challenge humanity to shine.
But through greed, selfishness and passion, we became a fragmented
universal being, shattered into what would become trillions of
individual people, all beautiful shards of light trying to shine to the
best of their ability, and in doing so, outshine those around them.

But, this was not the will of Hashem, because what he wanted more
than anything was for us to shine together, because the prerequisite
to receiving the light of the Torah is unity. Torah could only be
infused into the world when the people receiving it stopped seeing
their own needs as primary and started to act and breathe as one.

Since that seminal day in time, Shavuot now carries within its holy
hours the key to achieving unity within diversity. The Jewish people
achieved their historic unity through their willingness to recognise
that they were not at the centre of the universe, but that at the
epicentre of their universe was G-d.

When we examine what was expected of them in their service of
G-d, it was the emulating of His nature; the giving without the
expectation of receiving in return; uniting as one and loving one
another as they did themselves.

In that moment, our unity was not a happy coincidence that
simultaneously happened to occur with the receiving of the Torah.
It is more profound than that, because, one could even say, the unity
itself was the receiving of Torah.

They stood together and looked to the heavens as ‘one nation, with
one heart’ – a complete unit.

"Love does not consist in gazing at each
other, but in looking outward together in
the same direction." – Antoine de Saint-
Exupery

78 YALLA MAGAZINE

A funny thing happens when we stand together and look in 79
the same direction. Not only do we see the same thing, but
perhaps more importantly, we see the same thing from the
same perspective, which, when you come to think about it, is
nothing short of miraculous. And it was in this great miracle
– right there and then – that we merited to see G-d. And
even more than that, we recognised Him, because for the
first time in history we were G-d-like, we were like Him.

When we are kind, we see and recognise kindness around
us. And it works the other way too. When we are negative
and cynical, we even look at acts of kindness as ‘strategic
kindness’, and our view of goodness can be marred by our
own deficient outlook.

We see the world through the
lenses that ultimately reflect back
to us who we really are.

At Har Sinai, Am Yisrael was completely united with
one another, and so was completely united with G-d. The
mechanism that helped them to accomplish that almost
insurmountable mission was the Torah. We saw G-d in
ourselves, and our highest selves reflected back in Him.

Our world is in dire need of repair and perfecting, and
there are many who think the way to achieve this is to bring
Torah to the world by being a "light unto the nations”. But,
what we are learning is that it is fundamental to achieve
unity first.

We are taugh – respecting others comes before Torah. Most
people understand that on a basic level, one needs to have
good manners before one can talk about religion. But, that
can't be what this verse here means, as the Torah spends
so much time talking about derech eretz (good character/
behaviour)! In fact, one would probably learn about the
derech eretz he needs to embody before he learns Torah,
from the Torah itself !

According to what we've learned, though, there is a much

YALLA MAGAZINE

deeper wisdom being communicated here. Once, when we received
the Torah, the prerequisite was derech eretz, love, unity. The Torah is
teaching us that the only thing that can bring Torah, G-dliness and
morality to a world starving for it is a world of goodness, kindness
and justice, which are all the values expected of every Torah Jew.

In light of this fact, we may ask ourselves, what is it that stops us from
loving? What makes us feel apart instead of feeling like a part? The
answer is the deeply rooted instinct for survival. We are hardwired
to look out for ourselves and to ensure we make the next buck at
the expense of the next guy. To truly not feel threatened by others
requires a deep sense of belief in G-d: I must have faith that whatever
He wants me to have in my life is what I'll get. That fundamental
understanding will allow me to give, and allow others space, and to
recognise that they have their own journey. If I disagree with them,
it might be because He made them different to me. It is in that belief
system that the answer to humility lies, and humility can be hard
to come by. On a national level, it seems like it was almost the only
time this absolute cohesion could exist in what became the greatest
revelation in the history of the world, where G-d showed us there
was nothing in this world that was beyond His control, or outside of
His plan. Only those who left Egypt in clouds of glory and myriad
miracles embedded into their collective memories, having eating
manna bread from the heavens, could ratify this.

It was those who experienced His
plentiful giving during the exodus from
Egypt who knew, without a shadow of a
doubt, that He had enough for us all.

It was through this profound realisation that we merited to become
one.
‫ ויחן שם ישראל נגד ההר‬means the Jewish people camped there. But the
word vayichan is also understood to communicate grace or ‫ןח‬. They
found favour in each other’s eyes. They looked at each other kindly
and favourably.

80 YALLA MAGAZINE

It is in that watershed moment that G-d opens the
commandments, and the first words ever spoken by
G-d to Humanity as a group are: Anochi Hashem
Elokecha. I am Hashem your G-d. Lo yihiyeh lecha
Elokim acherim, there is no other G-d but me.

When we examine these words through this
approach of unity, we realise what G-d said is indeed
of earth-shattering magnitude. There is only one "I"
in this world and that is G-d. Everything else is "we".
When this belief becomes an integral part of our
consciousness, we begin to realise there is no place
for a person to feel separate or better than another,
because the only creation that stands as its own entity
is G-d Himself, only He is one. The rest of creation
is a team, a family – a collective whole. This principle
is a game-changer for how we experience life and
our own sense of our place in the trajectory of G-d’s
creation of the world.

The gematria or numerical value of ‫ תורה‬is 611. The
Talmud (Makkot 23) teaches us in the name of Rav
Hamnuna that the ‫ – תורה‬Torah – Moshe gave us was
611, because the first two of the Ten Commandments
were given to us by G-d. Therefore, ‫תורה צוה לנו משה‬,
Moshe taught us 611 of the 613 mitzvot. But the
number 611 is also the numerical value of ‫גמילות חסדים‬
– acts of kindness. They are one and the same.

YALLA MAGAZINE 81

So, this year, when we receive the ‫תורה‬,
let us also think of the power of connection
that has been imbued into this day. It is on
this day in history that there lies the power
to look at others with favourable eyes, to
understand them and not to judge. We can
let go of our jealousy and pettiness, revelling
in and celebrating the successes of others
with true joy, not begrudgingly, because we
realise that their success doesn’t come out of
my pocket, but was always destined for that
person. Instead, we focus on the fact that
the Supreme Being of our world, who is
limitless on every level, is waiting to shower
us with every possible bracha, but only when
we ask for the nation as a whole and not just
for ourselves.
Hashem Yivarech et Amo Bashalom. This
Shavuot, may we merit for G-d to bless us
with the greatest blessing in this world, its
very purpose, the blessing of peace.

82 YALLA MAGAZINE

SHALOM IN
THE HOME

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For moYrAeLLiAnMfoAGpAlZeINaEse contact [email protected]

THE

CYCLE OF

LIFE

TRANSITIONS,

CHANGE AND

RESILIENCE

Psychologist Hannah Abrahams explains
the benefit of coming to terms with our
own emotional narratives in order to
ensure a happier and more resilient future

for our children.

As spring begins to dawn, I sit here both as an educational beginning of their ending in formal education systems
and child psychologist and as a mother of three, reflecting and schooling. For many parents, this type of change is
on how the seasons often are mirrored by the growth, also associated with loss and the ending of one phase
development, challenges and new dawns of children. of the child’s life. It is, however, mixed with hope and
Change occurs all the time for young people, not only in excitement too, as their children begin another chapter.
terms of their physicality, but in their thought processing
and emotional and social development. As a student, For many adults and children, change can instil a sense
I recall perceiving the summer term as a summation of anxiety. It is easier to remain in the status quo than to
and often clarification of the subjects that I had been embrace the newness of a classroom, a new job, teacher
introduced to over the academic year, as well as a time for and all the different expectations and boundaries that
increased anxiety as the inevitable summer examinations new beginnings bring with them. As a psychologist, it is
and tests loomed over. my job to support the system around the child; to help
children to reach their potential and help form what
Change is ever evolving and inevitable, but Passover Daniel Siegel refers to as the “Integrated brain state”,
and the spring highlights several transitions for us all. where a sense of resilience, stability and reflection can be
For some of us, it will be the time when thoughts begin achieved.
to cross our minds about young children who will begin
school in the coming term, and for others, it will be the Essentially, we need to nurture and support the
development of our children’s emotional literacy skills.
Children are not born with an innate ability to express

84 YALLA MAGAZINE

Childhood is about learning to
experience a wide array of types
and intensities of emotions,
and that, by necessity, means
sometimes losing control,
which can often occur at
times of uncertainty and
misunderstanding. Therefore,
the job of a parent is to help
contain and master these
feelings in your child, which
will in turn lead to greater
resilience, insight and empathy.

Regardless of the age of our children, the job
of every parent is to help our children to feel
more balanced, while understanding that their
behaviour is a form of communication.

Recently, I worked with families and children

affected by the Grenfell fire tragedy. I regularly
their emotions, hence the reason they can shift into tantrum or came across the inbuilt adult need to protect
sulking states, which unfortunately can occur regularly. This is children from experiencing any pain and
especially true for younger children and adolescents. In both these harm. While this is entirely natural, and I
age groups, there are immense neurological changes taking place, believe very much inherently in our genes, we
leading to myelination – the process of neuro-synaptic pruning also need to allow ourselves to talk about the
which is happening repeatedly.

“elephant in the room”. By

Therefore, our parental responses to young not addressing the confusion

people’s often impulsive behaviours will impact that often surrounds endings,

on the biological learning experiences and including death, we are
increasing the level of secrecy
connections in their brains. A big weight, I know!! and confusion that surrounds

All children will lose their emotional balance at some point in their these times; often leading to

trajectory. For some children, it may happen more frequently than more fantastical thoughts

others, but becoming dysregulated is simply par for the course and an increase in complex emotional and

in childhood. In fact, ironically, Siegel noted if your child does mental health needs for our young people.

not become dysregulated, it is indeed greater cause for concern. In 2014, the movie “Inside out”was released. As
Some children rigidly control their emotions so they never get a psychologist, I didn’t need much persuading
overwhelmed, and if they go too far in this direction, they risk to see it.The movie is about an 11-year-old girl,
emotionally blocking a sense of vitality that comes from living a Riley, who moves from Ohio to San Francisco,
balanced emotional life.

YALLA MAGAZINE 85

leaving her school and her friends. The leading characters in the
movie are Riley and her family, but also her primary emotions:
Happiness ( Joy), Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust, which play
the biggest roles in the film. These emotions demonstrated what
it might be like to live in the mind of an 11-year-old girl who
struggles to move to a different city, away from her friend and
hockey team, and the difficulties she experiences expressing these
feelings to her parents.

The movie highlights several salient points that are important
in all our lives. In concurrence with Daniel Goleman (author
of Emotional Intelligence VS Intellectual Intelligence), it
emphasises how all emotions are important and valid. We cannot
selectively feel some and not others. Joy tries desperately to lose
and isolate the feelings of sadness throughout the movie, but
what is emphasised strongly is that both emotions are needed
to exist, to feel, and to appreciate the good times alongside the
challenging ones. The movie demonstrates how not being able
to express sadness can lead to internalising these feelings, with
negative consequences including feelings of depression.

Siegel (2018) notes that to build a child’s resilience, we need
to let them face adversity, to feel disappointment and negative
emotions, and even to fail. By lovingly teaching them that they
can live with these feelings and move through them, ultimately,
they will come out stronger and more able to cope.

There are times when, although it can be
painful to watch, we must allow our kids
to hurt and even to fail, without rescuing
them and depriving them of the valuable
lesson of resilience building.

BBy being emotionally present and offering our comfort during
these moments, we do more to enhance their own regulatory
skills. We are supporting them in building their memory systems
so that the next time a similar challenge occurs in their life, it will
activate their memory and allow them to manage the situation
more competently.

One of the greatest skills that we, as parents, are required to
develop is emotional empathy, both in ourselves and in our
children. As parents, we need to continually pay attention to and

86 YALLA MAGAZINE

notice our own frustrations and emotions. By aspiring to
do this, it allows us to sit in the spectator’s seat and to
see things from an objective perspective, so we are not
as reactive as we would be if we were not attempting to
model good behaviour to our children. It is important
to do this as a way of gaining insight not only into our
present behaviour, but as it allows us insight into our
history as we negotiate the impact of our past experiences.

Science tells us that nothing is static, and history does
not always repeat itself in terms of parenting.

Yes, the way we parent is influenced by our
experiences, our values and hopes, but it is
also influenced by how we have reflected and
understood our experiences. When we gain a clear
insight into our memories and how the past has
influenced us in the present, we are liberated to
construct a new future and one that will inevitably
positively impact our children.

Finally, our memories are part of our personal narrative,
but in many ways we construct the narratives that we
believe and we can change our narrative at any time.
For children, this is also related to how they make sense
of their world. We know that we can’t delete certain
chapters of our lives or experiences, but research has
suggested the way we tell the stories will affect us
the most. When considering transition and change,
honesty is the best policy to adopt, so they are viewed
through transparent lenses.

When we talk about our experiences with our children
and reflect on them, we can share positive solution-
focused ideas. We can also empower children with
a sense of resilience, because inevitably they too will
encounter difficulties, and we can become their greatest

YALLA MAGAZINE 87

teachers if we have worked though our Hannah Abrahams is an
own challenges. educational and child psychologist
and is especially interested in working with children who have
Ultimately, most of us experience social and communication difficulties, including autism. She has
similar emotions at different points worked with children and young people with a range of needs,
in our lives, but the way we react including dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, autistic spectrum
and respond to them becomes the condition, memory and behavioural difficulties, offering a
discerning factor in resilient versus range of therapeutic support using the principles of cognitive
non-resilient people. Resilience is behavioural therapy as well as solution-focused brief therapy and
often affected by vulnerability, fear and narrative therapy. She also runs informative and collaborative
worry, and for us to find the strength workshops for parents in order to provide a platform to discuss
and hope required to manage our the challenges of parenting and caring for children at different
transitional processes, it is important developmental stages, with topics including: Supporting
to allow our emotions to flow without and managing behavioural challenges as well supporting
the need to keep them under wraps. the development of your child’s reading and mathematical
knowledge. She regularly runs training and INSET days
At this time of year, as we both reflect for schools on a number of topics, including supporting and
and look forward, let us remember that recognising mental health difficulties in pupils, supporting
to feel all of our emotions is crucial. children who may experience social and communication
As our feelings move and change, so difficulties, as well as literacy and numeracy support.
too will those of our children. It is
therefore incumbent on us to work YALLA MAGAZINE
on ourselves to become their guiding
light in the learning process of life.

88

96 Golders Green Road London 89
NW11 8HB

02083814080
YALLA MAGAZINE

90 YALLA MAGAZINE

C H E E SE CAKE

FAC T O R F I C T I O N ?

Rabbi Moshe Levy reveals some of the reasons behind the great
delight of partaking in the cheesecake eating that surrounds the

festival Shavuot.

When the Jewish people were offered the Torah 91
by Hashem, we answered with the historical
words: "Na’aseh vi’nishma, we will do and we
will understand." Over the generations, we have
gathered a set of customs that we do, and we do them religiously, no
matter what. But often, we seem to have lost focus on why we do them.

Every one of us can probably quote a grandparent who always said: “I
remember that this is how my parents did it in the old country and I am
passing it onto you as our tradition, so that you in turn pass it onto your
children and grandchildren.”

As we all know, we are not a religion of blind believers, and we know
there are reasons for all the commandments and customs that we do. In
fact, in Hebrew, the reasons for the mitzvot are called ta’aamei hamitzvot.
Ta’am means reason but also means flavour. This indicates to us the
great importance of performing with understanding, so that our Jewish
practice stays alive and doesn’t become tiresome.

Younger generations no longer buy the idea of
tradition, so we can no longer rest on our laurels
and tell them to just do things anymore because

'this is what we do'.

However, once we empower ourselves with the reasons for our religious
practice, we can pass them down to the next generation with the required
flavour and excitement, ensuring the future of our mitzvot and minhagim
stays fresh.

In this edition of Yalla, I would like to explore the reasons that we indulge
in the delights of milky eating on Shavuot.

YALLA MAGAZINE

The earliest source I have found to support this is in Rabbi One of many people’s favourite reasons for eating dairy is
Avigdor Tzarfati’s commentary on the Torah, written in that the gematria (numerical value) of the Hebrew word
1270 in France. He does not give a reason, he just says for milk is chalav, which adds up to 40. We eat dairy
that this is the custom. foods on Shavuot to commemorate the 40 days that
Moses spent on Mount Sinai receiving instruction on
The most commonly known reason provided is that the entire Torah.
when the Jewish people received the Torah at Mount
Sinai, included in that were special instructions for how The numerical value of chalav, 40, has further significance
to slaughter and prepare meat for eating. Until then, the in that there were 40 generations from Moses who
Jews had not followed these laws, thus all their meat – plus recorded the Written Torah, till the generation of Ravina
the cooking pots – were now considered "not kosher". So and Rav Ashi, who wrote the final version of the Oral
the only alternative was to eat dairy, which required no Torah, the Talmud.
advanced preparation.
Furthermore, the Talmud begins with the letter mem
which has the gematria (numerical value) of 40
and ends with mem as well.

A very practical reason is that we all know that
the Torah was given on Mount Sinai because
it was the humblest of all the mountains. The
comparison of Torah to milk teaches us that
just as milk keeps best in earthenware and
spoils quickly in silver or golden utensils, Torah
too is best kept in those who remain humble
of spirit.

However, this raises the following question: Why didn't One of the Kabbalistic reasons for eating dairy
the Jews simply slaughter new animals, then "kasher" is, as the Zohar explains, each one of the 365
their pots in boiling water and then cook fresh meat? The days of the year corresponds to a specific one
answer to this interesting question is that the revelation of the Torah's 365 negative commandments.
at Sinai occurred on Shabbat, when slaughter and Which mitzvah corresponds to the day of
cooking are prohibited, therefore this would not have Shavuot?
been possible.
The Torah says: “Bring bikkurim (first fruits) to G-d's
Another famous reason is that Torah is likened to milk, Holy Temple; don't cook a kid in its mother's milk."
as the verse says: "Like honey and milk [the Torah] lies (Exodus 34:26) Since the first day for bringing bikkurim is
under your tongue." (Song of Songs 4:11) Just as milk on Shavuot (in fact, the Torah calls Shavuot "the holiday
has the ability to fully sustain the body of a human being of bikkurim"), the second half of that verse – referring
(ie, a nursing baby), so too the Torah provides all the to milk and meat – is the negative commandment
“spiritual nourishment” necessary to sustain the soul. corresponding to Shavuot day. Thus, on Shavuot, we eat
two meals: one of milk and one of meat, ensuring not to
mix the two.

Interestingly, we are instructed not to use the same loaf
of bread for a meat meal and then later at a milk meal,
just in case some of the meat substance had splattered on

92 YALLA MAGAZINE

the bread, which has now become common practice. So It is imperative that we empower ourselves with the
one would have to wash and say Grace after Meals if one knowledge and understanding behind the reasons for
would like to eat a milk meal and then a meat meal. Thus, our practice of mitzvot and customs. It is in light of this
by eating two meals – one of milk and one of meat – we that I have started a new series of one- minute videos
inevitably have two loaves. This also corresponds to the called "Why Do", which explore different mitzvot and
special "two loaves" that were offered
in the Temple on Shavuot.

Another Kabbalistic reason that I
came across is that the Torah portion
which enumerates the Shavuot mussaf
offerings begins with the words: “On
the day of the firstfruits when you
offer “minchah chadashah l’Hashem
beShavuoteichem” - “a new meal-
offering to Hashem on your Festival
of Weeks”. (Bamidbar 28:26) The
first letters of the words “Chadashah
L’Hashem Beshavuoteichem”) spells
out the word “chalav” – milk.

The last Kabbalistic reason offered is

that an alternative name for Mount the reasons we do the things we do. These videos can be
Sinai is Har Gav'nunim, the mountain of majestic peaks. found on the Chazak Facebook page, and I encourage
The Hebrew word for cheese is gevina, etymologically you all to send in questions on why we do the things we
related to Har Gav'nunim. Further, the gematria of do in Judaism.
gevina (cheese) is 70, corresponding to the "70 faces of
Torah”, which we understand is attributed to the many Enjoy the cheesecake and have a happy and meaningful
interpretations given on Jewish ideas. chag, delighting in the joy of being Jewish!

The list of reasons stretches onwards, highlighting the
many reasons given for eating milk on the holiday when
we received the Torah. These allow us to appreciate, like
we said above, that there are 70 faces to the Torah. Each
reason is true and every one of us will resonate with a
different one ranging from logic to emotion or Kabbalah.

YALLA MAGAZINE 93

THE
MACROBIOTIC

DIET

Psychotherapist and holistic health coach

Devori Nussbaum explains how to better

understand our internal Feng Shui

1. Please define Macrobiotics?

The world is made up of opposites: hot cold, up, down, night, day, male and female
to name a few. In macrobiotics these opposites are called yin and yang. Macrobiotics
is a system of healing that is based on balancing these opposites. We all know that
we can’t survive in only heat or only cold, we need a mixture of the two to thrive:
this is warmth, balance. When our bodies are in balance, everything works as it
should, our immune systems are strong, our internal systems are functional,
our mind is peaceful, we have abundant energy and we can maintain a
state of gratitude in our hearts consistently. Macrobiotics is a system that
recognises the energetic root of each food, element, environmental
factor, activity and emotion and teaches how to balance it out with
its opposite.

Naturally, we attempt to do this in many ways without being
conscious of it, for example, sugar is yin and salt is yang. You
often see people drinking a can of coke and eating a bag of crisps
together. Or the concept of dessert; we eat a savoury meal which
contains salt and we crave something sweet at the end.

The issue with balancing salt with sugar in this way is that sugar is extremely yin
and salt is extremely yang, and when you swing from one extreme to the other, you
create an environment of chaos in the body. This can lead to systems failing, mood
swings, and almost any symptom of imbalance or instability.

Macrobiotics teaches how to balance the two opposites gently, like the soft tide of a

gentle sea flowing in and out peacefully, rather than huge waves that pull all the way

out and come crashing back into the shore. YALLA MAGAZINE
94

Jon Sandifer, founder of the 95
Macrobiotic Association of Great Britain,
describes macrobiotics as internal feng shui,
which is the art of balancing the elements when it
comes to setting up external spaces. It focuses on making
sure there is the right balance of earth, air, water and fire.
To make the space as comfortable, calming and productive as it
can be. Macrobiotics is the process of doing this with our internal
environment.
.

2. How does this diet affect one’s overall
health?

Most health issues that we have are not due to external factors, but internal
factors. A study was done where a live cold virus was implanted in a group
of people’s noses; only 12% of people actually showed symptoms of a cold.
We breathe in germs all the time; environmentaYlAtoLxLiAnsMarAeGeAveZrIyNwEhere. If our

immune system (and other systems) possible toxic input, sleeping Think of yin and yang as polar
are working well then it does its job well, laughing, working through opposites with a sliding scale in-
by isolating and excreting the toxins emotional imbalances, building between them; everything can be
from our bodies and we are none strong, compassionate relationships found somewhere on the spectrum.
the wiser. If we get sick or develop with people and ourselves, The more yin it is, the further it is
a chronic condition, it is usually to the right; the more yang it is, the
due to consistent and chronic (Please bear in mind that due to further it is to the left. Most things
internal stress that the immune the limitations of this article, I have in nature are somewhere in the
system cannot fight. Why would the been very general, and every case is middle chunk, containing aspects of
immune system not be able to fight individual and needs the assessment both sides, never going too far right
something? There are many reasons, of a professional to take all factors or two far left, which maintains
starting with toxic overload. If there into consideration before coming to balance.
is just too much toxicity, the system any determining conclusion.)
becomes tired and less efficient. Due Take an apple, for example. It is wet
to lack of appropriate nutrition, 3. What does the and sweet inside, which is yin. It also
the immune system needs a host of macrobiotic diet has fibres and structure to it, which
vitamins, minerals and good quality consist of? is yang. It can be found moderately
macro nutrients in order to function to the right on the spectrum.
as it should. Emotional factors play When it comes to food,
a role too. Stress (which causes macrobiotics’ basic principle is to Take the apple and turn it into juice.
adrenalin to be present in the blood) eat unprocessed, unrefined foods. You have just removed the fibres
inhibits the immune system and This means vegetables, fruits, and the structure (you have refined
limits its effectiveness. whole grains, legumes, nuts, seeds, it), now all you are left with is pure
unprocessed oils, and good quality, wet and sweet. Juice is very yin and
Even when it comes to most organic, ethically farmed animal would be far right on the spectrum.
genetic conditions, if we were not products. All foods, the way they are
born with the condition and it in nature, are not very energetically This does not mean that one should
developed later in life, there was a extreme. (By energetically extreme, never drink juice (extreme yin).
point when the gene was turned I mean extremely yin or extremely Sometimes, good quality juice can
on. By definition, if a gene can be yang.) The extreme foods come be used to balance out an extreme
turned on, it can be turned off. We when they are processed and taken yang condition in someone’s body.
see that identical twins who have out of their natural state of balance.
exactly the same genetic makeup can In nature, we see how this plays out.
have very different states of health. Very basically: Tropical fruit grows in hot countries.
What turns on genes? It is the same In general, they are very sweet and
things that impair the immune Yin = cold, wet, sweet, no structure, have a high juice content (yin),
system, and turning off the gene or up which is needed to help the people
strengthening the immune system, in those places balance their bodies
entails the opposite. Adequate Yang = hot, dry, salty, structure, in the extreme environmental heat
nutrition, limiting as much as down (yang)

96 YALLA MAGAZINE

Our bodies, environment, and health Our bodies are very strong and very reversed and prevented
conditions change constantly, depending
on our age, stage and needs. The resilient and they do the best they can to through a wholefood diet.
principles of macrobiotics teach you
how to balance your constitution and balance themselves, for example, if the
condition, depending on what you need
at that time. blood is too acidic, the body will need to This is only the food

Another thing to keep in mind is the find minerals to alkalise it. If the minerals aspect though; there are
nutritional completeness of the food that
you are eating. The process of refining are not coming in with the diet, the body many people who eat
foods is the process of taking the foods
out of balance. Everything that G-d will send you cravings for salt, which is great diets but don’t have
created, He made perfectly balanced.
For example, in order for a person to usually a source of minerals. But if the emotional balance or vice
use potassium efficiently in their bodies,
they also need magnesium. In nature, salt you are eating is refined and devoid versa, and this has a huge
we find that the foods with magnesium
also have potassium in them; the same is of minerals, the body will start leeching impact on their physical
true of things like omega 3 and omega 6,
vitamin C and iron. minerals from the bones, which will not health. Emotional

Another example of this is whole grain be apparent at first, because it is a very balance is vital.
rice; it is high in magnesium, b vitamins,
trace minerals, vitamin E, and has over slow and subtle process, but many years
70 antioxidants that can prevent cellular
damage and boost the immune system. down the line, it could cause issues like
Most of these are found in the fibre,
the coating around the starch which is osteoporosis or brittle bones.
removed through the process of turning
the whole grain into the refined version. The biggest and most telling studies that
These nutrients also give the body the have been done to show the effects of
tools to metabolise the white part of unrefined wholefoods on the body were
the rice. conducted by Dr T Colin Campbell,
professor of nutritional biochemistry at
Cornell University, and heart surgeon
Dr CB Esselstyn. Both doctors have
published books and feature on the
documentary: ‘Forks
over knives’. The
conclusions they
came to through
their studies is that
many degenerative
diseases, such as
heart disease, cancer
and diabetes can be

YALLA MAGAZINE 97

4. How time-consuming It is very easy to find food like read through the whole chapter,
is this way of living and this that is kosher because as it outlines the principles of
how does one prepare most ingredients don’t require a macrobiotics in depth.
food like this that is kosher certification. They are just
kosher? wholefoods, ie, vegetables, grains, Chapter 32:7
fruit, nuts and seeds, unrefined oils, People differ with respect to their
All change takes time and feels legumes etc. temperaments: some are hot-
overwhelming at the beginning. tempered, some cold, and others
But the more you do something, The only tricky bit is some of these medium. Foods also differ in respect
the easier and quicker it gets. foods need checking for bugs, but to applying bodily heat, and one
It doesn’t have to be very time- there are simple and easy ways to do who is medium should eat foods
consuming, though it can be if you this effectively. that are medium, but one who is
feel overwhelmed and you don’t not medium should eat food that
know the tricks of the trade. The 5. How does this are somewhat the opposite of his
best way to transition is by slowly material link up with temperament.
replacing things that don’t feel too Torah/spirituality?
scary, which may include changing Chapter 32:14
refined table salt to unrefined sea This concept of balance as health is Therefore every person should, on
salt; changing highly processed oil found in many places in Torah. The advice of a physician, choose foods
to the unrefined cold pressed variety. Hebrew word for refuah – healing, according to his temperament, the
You can’t rely on buying food that’s shares the same root as the Hebrew climate, and season
already made, as at least 80% of word tiferes – which means harmony,
food in supermarkets is processed, or balance. It is the balance between Chapter 32:22
but there are many things that the left and the right side, chesed One who desires to preserve
don’t take a long time to cook or and gevura. his health must learn about
prepare or you can eat raw. It’s the psychological reactions and control
same with all food; you can make a The Rambam talks about these them…
quick simple meal, or make a long, concepts constantly in his works on
complicated one, depending on what health. Other macrobiotic principles
you are in the mood for, and what In the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, mentioned in this chapter are:
the occasion calls for. chapter 32, this concept is spelt good digestion leads to vitality and
out to us clearly. The following are good health, chew your food very
some excerpts, but really, one should

98 YALLA MAGAZINE

well, only eat when you are hungry Baked sweet potato wholefood crackers or bread
and stop when you are satisfied -Put a sweet potato, with the skin
(this means moderately full). Eat on, in the oven, to bake on 180° Black bean salsa
mindfully, eat while sitting down, for about an hour. (Do this in the -1 can of black beans, drained and
exercise, drink clean water when morning, because it takes less than rinsed very well
you are thirsty, sleep well, breath a minute to put it in the oven, but -1 bunch fresh parsley
clean air, and learn how to attain it needs to bake for about an hour -2 cloves garlic
emotional balance. until it is soft all the way through. -Juice from 1 lemon
If you bake this in the morning, -Olive oil
Macrobiotic recipes: you have a base for a quick and easy -Sea salt
Fast meal ideas: lunch later in the day) -Avocado
-Add any of the following toppings: -Good quality pickles or cucumber
olive oil, avocado, toasted nuts or -Celery
seeds, bean sprouts, good quality -1 hot pepper
olives or pickles, tahini, sautéed
onions, lettuce, pesto -Blend parsley, lemon, garlic, salt
and olive oil in a blender
Humus
-Take a carton/can of chick peas, -Pour over black beans, chop
rinse well under cold running water avocado, celery, hot pepper and
until all bubbles drain away pickles, and mix well
-Blend in a blender with juice from
1 or 2 lemons, 1 or 2 cloves of garlic, For more recipes and articles,
sea salt to taste and about ¼ cup go to www.sitblesschew.com
good quality olive oil
-Eat with vegetable sticks,
roasted vegetables or good quality

Devori Nussbaum is a psychotherapist and holistic health coach. She has been working with 99
and studying for over 10 years the effects of food on healing and the emotional connection
with food that many people have, she has studied the healing power of nutrition and the
energetics of food. She teaches courses, runs women’s retreats and coaches people through the
process of finding balance on a physical, emotional and mental level.
For more information look at her website. www.sitblesschew.com

YALLA MAGAZINE

WHY DO
QIGONG

IF YOU'RE A

YOGI?

Ancient practices to inspire healthy living

- MIMI KUO-DEEMER

Yoga was my first love. Initially, I remember how
amazing the stretches felt to my over-contracted
23-year-old self. I first discovered yoga while fumbling
through my mother’s photocopied yoga book from
the 1970s. At the time, I was living in Beijing, China,
working as a photojournalist and suffering from
multiple health issues, including asthma, digestive
problems and general fatigue. The basic yoga postures
I practised kindled a dormant sense of self-respect I
had nearly lost for my body. I didn’t realise it then, but
slowly, yoga had started to shift my perspective about
myself; everything sharpened into higher resolution.

Almost 20 years later, I’m still amazed at how the
postures and practice affect my body at every level. In
this time, I’ve also been fortunate to come across qigong
– a Chinese energy cultivation practice – that I’ve found
works in a surprising and delightfully complementary
way with yoga.

Why do qigong if you're a yogi?

My early forays into qigong happened after I moved to
China in 1994 and before I tried yoga. I’ll confess that
when I first learned them, the forms felt frumpy, static
and not very glam! My opinion was likely tainted as well
by the notion that qigong was for old people in Chinese
parks. It wasn’t until 2003, when I was introduced to
the practice again by Matthew Cohen, that the process
wowed me. Cohen is a highly respected yoga teacher,
dancer, martial artist and healer who lives and teaches
in Venice, California. He teaches a fusion of yoga and

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