Yalla Magazine Issue 7

ISSUE NO.7

COMMUNITY MAGAZINE CHAZAK

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, IDEAS
SHARING IT WITH OTHERS IS WISDOM

IDEAS | PEOPLE | TRUST

bdo.co.uk

LETTER
FROM THE
EDITOR

I love writing and editing, but my real penchant is for theatre question that continues to inhabit the forefront of my mind.
– and good, serious theatre at that. The kind that unnerves And that is, where is the trajectory of the Jewish world
you and provokes you so that when you step out into the crisp headed? Where will we be 100 years from now?
London air, you think about life through a sharpened lens and If I had to sum up the goal of Chazak in one line, it would
with a more pronounced edge. be: A sincere and heartfelt desire to reconnect Jews to their
The Lehman Trilogy certainly achieves this aim and qualifies heritage. From the moment I met Rabbi Shlomo Farhi, and
as this kind of stimulus. Directed by Sam Mendes, it tells the later, Rabbi Moshe Levy, Rabbi Yitsy David, Rabbi Ari
story of the three Lehman brothers, their sons and grandsons, Bensoussan and Rabbi Meir Sultan (through his fantastic
and the company they went on to build that changed the articles), it was crystal clear to me that – above all else – each
world. With absolutely mesmerising performances, the of these talented rabbis are striving to give every Jew they
epic tale relates how their company came to crash and encounter a golden opportunity to connect to their heritage.
fall several times during the course of their careers – as is They live their lives proudly connected to Torah and their
characteristic of so many mighty men who have fallen and regal Sephardi lineage, and they are always loyal to the rich
risen in the building of their dreams. But what really moved roots that have formed their cultural tapestries. So, when the
me, aside from the exquisite script of which I could have theme of Our Heritage came to mind, I knew it must have
framed so many extracts, was the narrative of the Lehman been from G-d because it synchronised with all that Chazak
family and their commitment to their Jewish heritage, which aims to achieve globally, and it was perfectly timed with the
underpinned the entire three-hour production. significant High Holy Days that beg of us to take stock of all
But, beyond being riveted by the racy tale of a Jewish family that it means to be a Jew, connected to a heritage so full and
of businessmen and how they came to build and then lose Divine.
their empire, it also depicted the sad unravelling of the So, let me begin with a very warm welcome to our second
family’s Jewish life, so that, by the end, there was nothing birthday bumper edition, which is filled to the brim with
much of it after being pulled apart by the influences of inspiring and relevant articles that promise to make for
assimilation. Obviously, as a religious Jewish woman who is fantastic reading content during the High Holy Days. Huge
passionate about my faith and ensuring it continues for the thanks to our outstanding contributors who continue to
thousands of Jewish families in our midst, it was all the more produce content that resonates with all of us. My debt of
heartfelt for me. It left me with a nagging and persistent gratitude is boundless.

EDITORIAL

"This harrowing situation begs the question, what will become
of our Jewish heritage? Will the stories of our Torah, so dear to
us, remain a series of narratives locked into our past, or will the
values they espouse and which we cherish pulsate at the core

of our homes and the decisions we make?"

I simply cannot believe that Yalla is officially two years old! But, despite the fact that our faith has been threatened by
And what a fabulous experience it has been establishing this devious external threats over the course of history, tragically,
publication, growing it, nurturing it, and – most importantly our Jewish future has never been in a more precarious state.
– endeavouring to improve it, always with your help and Sadly, the greatest threats today are endemic, with so many
feedback. Along the way, we have learned about the antics choosing to leave the fold and assimilate. I recently read an
and tricks that travel in tandem with the world of print media. article published by the Pew Research Centre, which painted
Thank you to each of you who have formed our dynamic a bleak picture for religion. The article explained that in the
and eager audience. Each one of your comments has been United States, religious congregations have been greying for
noted and implemented as we continue to work hard to keep decades, and young adults are now much less observant than
producing a magazine where we strive for excellence and their elders. Recent surveys have found that younger adults
which has been enjoyed by thousands globally. are far less likely than the older generation to identify with a
These past few months have had my mind consumed with religion, believe in G-d or engage in religious practices. But
this pertinent topic – Our Heritage. As Jews, heritage is this is not solely an American phenomenon: lower religious
everything to us. And I don’t just mean the delicacies like observance among younger adults is common around the
sambusak or hamoud for the Sephardi community, or the perogen world, according to a new analysis of the Pew Research
and kneidlach for the Ashkenazi community. No, I mean Centre surveys, conducted in more than 100 countries and
something more than a cultural heritage, which has proven territories over the past decade.
itself to be enjoyable but not sufficiently binding as the winds This harrowing situation begs the question, what will become
of other influences tug and pull at us from all directions. Our of our Jewish heritage? Will the stories of our Torah, so dear
heritage must mean more than cultural delicacies, because the to us, remain a series of narratives locked into our past, or
truth is it forms the blueprint for our future as a people as we will the values they espouse and which we cherish pulsate
choose to take our role in the sacred Jewish narrative. at the core of our homes and the decisions we make? Will
For as long as I can remember, my Judaism has been Shabbat remain the jewel in our children’s lives and will our
fundamental to my identity. My earliest memories are of moral compass be governed by the wisdom of Torah? We
Shabbat, sitting around the table with family; or night times have to ask ourselves what subliminal messages we are sending
as my father and his chavruta would sit at our dining room to our children when we choose everything else over religion.
table learning Torah; my mother preparing for Shabbat or The safeguarding of our faith is indeed a task of truth-
Pesach; our home always teeming with interesting and diverse seeking, a badge of honour granted to us by G-d Himself.
Shabbat guests; and of course, my siblings and I listening to Our heritage, our faith and our nation were threatened by
the Jewish songs and stories that were such a big part of my countless atrocities, including the expulsions by Spain and the
childhood (when cassettes were still the order of the day). gas chambers of Europe, jeopardising Jewish continuity.
For those of us lucky enough to be born into an environment I was recently chatting to new friend of mine from New York,
like this one, Judaism is visceral and inextricably bound up who is on her Jewish journey. She asked me how I managed
with who we are. to integrate being ‘normal’ with being ‘religious’! I laughed
As I write these words, I am in the Canary Islands on my and thanked her for the compliment. I thought about it and
summer break. On erev Shabbat, when I lit my Shabbat then shared with her an answer for why this could be so. My
candles, I could not help but think that several centuries ago, parents always displayed a fierce commitment to Torah and to
our holy brethren in Spain had to hide or risk being found out our Jewish values, but you could also put them in a room with
if they dared to kindle Shabbat lights. Thousands were expelled people of any race, culture or ethnicity and you would notice
from these lands and, tragically, some were killed or forced to their fluid engagement and non-judgmental ways.
abandon their faith. This is gut-wrenching to comprehend.

4 YALLA MAGAZINE

EDITORIAL

They had both become observant in their teens because they felt it was the path of truth, but they had never
allowed their religious observance to segregate them from others. The have lived their lives with their focus on
spiritual pursuits and have always taught us that, as long as the ultimate goal is spiritual evolution and connection
to G-d, then the goal is worthy. Hopefully my siblings and I can continue to uphold these values and use them as
our compass as we strive to live our lives committed to G-d and His commandments.
This Rosh Hashanah, let us look deep inside and commit ourselves to a soulful year of connection. Our glorious
Jewish heritage is one that comes with the magnificent Torah values as part and parcel of all the pizazz and
dynamism that Jewish life has to offer! What a treasure, what a legacy and what an inheritance.
On behalf of the esteemed rabbis and entire Chazak team in London, New York and Los Angeles, we wish you
a beautiful and meaningful Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. May our prayers be received by G-d’s merciful
heart, and may our nation be blessed with a year of good mazal, brachot, hatzlacha and chaim tovim. When we pray,
let us pray not only for our own families, but for all those around us, and – most importantly – for the ultimate
Redemption speedily in our days, when G-d will reunite with his Holy children in all His glory.

ShiraLove, light and abundant blessings for 5780.
EDITOR’S FIVE FAVOURITES
FOR ROSH HASHANAH

1: FAVOURITE HERITAGE QUOTE: “Pluck a seed The next destination on my wishlist is Antigua. I love the thought
from its tree, plant it away, so far away and see, without of that Caribbean tranquillity.
even looking at its parent tree, it will grow just like it’s
supposed to be, for distance can’t erase identity.” 4 : FAVOU R ITE NEW PAINTING: My sister, Devorah Kirkel,
is a fabulous artist whose painting adorns our heritage-themed
2: FAVOU RIT E RO S H HAS H ANAH DIS H : My mother’s tzimmes. It’s a cover. I love how she brings her ideas to life through her use
sumptuous dish, sweet in flavour like lots of Lithuanian food, and the meat is of colour and imagery, which adds so much verve and life to a
deliciously tasty when cooked with carrots and sweet potatoes. When I think home. Check out page 53 of the magazine to see more of her
of it, I am flooded with nostalgia – it takes me back to our Rosh Hashanah paintings and an interview with Devorah.
table surrounded by family.
5: FAVOURITE YOM TOV: All the chagim have their own unique
3. FAVOU RIT E D E ST IN ATIO N O N M Y W IS H LIST: Travel has always energy and spirit. But my favourites are Sukkot and Pesach. I love that
been my passion. A writing or editorial role they are both longer, giving us time to really tap into the pulse and
requires innovation and fresh ideas. It is hard mindset of the holiday. I used to decorate the sukkah with my siblings
to be consistently creative without exposure to and loved spending long yom tov lunches in the sukkah. It is particularly
diverse stimuli that challenge us to see blissful in South Africa, because the weather is warming up and it’s
things through new lenses. gorgeous outside. #DreamyDays

LETTERS

Dear Shira

Write to us at [email protected] and add
yo u r v o i c e t o t h e Ya l l a d i a l o g u e.

I would like to congratulate you on your Yalla community magazine! They say
not to judge a book by its cover. But it’s not true about Yalla – the magnificent
design and the feel and quality of the magazine are completely revealing of
the excellence of Yalla’s content. Always a joy to steal a few hours on Shabbat
and devour its always relevant and well-written articles.

Thank you Yalla!

Daniella Jaff-Klein

Just saw the latest copy of Yalla and wanted to say what a fab publication
you have put together! Huge Yasher Koach!

Rebbetzin KeziLevin

LETTERS

Shari Strom, age 6, enjoying colouring
in her #YALLA on route home from
London to Manchester!

Ed's note: We are so happy to see
you enjoying our magazine Shari!

Yalla is a unique publication. It feels like the mouthpiece of the community.
It is a mosaic of Jewish life in London, drawing on the range, diversity and
beauty of the Jewish world today.
It gets passed around like a baton in our family... from adults to teens and
kids. There is something for everyone.

Greg Roediger

I have just picked up the latest Yalla – go you! It’s gorgeous – graphics,
content all so beautifully done. Must have been a vast amount of work!

Rebbetzin Yael Hamer

ISSUE NO.7

CONTRIBUTORS

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Shira Druion

COPY EDITOR
Heidi Hurwitz

GRAPHIC DESIGNER
Andrea Neeleman

Simon Apfel Moishy Markovic
Rabbi Ari Bensoussan Lucy Marks
Rabbi Doron Birnbaum Marc Menashe
Keith Breslauer Nicci Menashe
Marc Codron Dr Maisie Meyer
Rabbi Yitsy David Mimi Meyer
Talya Drissman Woolf Gila Pfeffer
Sara Elias Susan Rosenthal
Rebbetzin Ilana Epstein Hilli Ross
Jane Tobin Green Jamie Rubin
Rabbi Daniel Kada Romy Shulman
Gareth Kobrin Bianca Sitzer
Kim Kushner Rabbi Meir Sultan
Rabbi Moshe Levy Rachel Vecht

006 LETTERS

FEATURES PARENTING 101
HERITAGE 0 2 0 DIARY OF AN ANGLO-JEWISH MUM
0 1 0 THE SONG OF OUR HERITAGE 0 4 2 DEAR MY PRECIOUS SON
0 2 8 ONE SHABBAT – A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE 0 5 8 A LETTER FROM AUSCHWITZ
0 4 0 PLANNING FOR AN AGEING POPULATION
0 4 6 THE UNBROKEN CHAIN
0 5 6 LEGACIES – HOW DAD’S LIVES ON
0 6 2 A KNIGHT’S TALE
0 6 8 THE SILENT STRUGGLE
1 0 8 SIGN OF THE TIMES
1 1 2 CALMING THE WATERS
1 1 2 TORAH – OUR ETERNAL INHERITANCE
1 5 4 THE KINDNESS TREE

LAND OF OUR HERITAGE KIDS & TECH
0 1 6 FOOTHOLD IN GREECE VIA SPAIN 0 5 2 BE WARE THE LURK ING CYBE RBULLY
0 2 4 TALE OF TWO COUNTRIES
0 3 4 HOME AWAY FROM HOME #FORTHECOOLKIDS(&TEENS)
0 7 2 A JEW IN THE 21ST CENTURY 1 3 8 LOOKING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD
0 9 4 I N E SCA PA B LY Y EM EN IT E 1 4 0 DEAR RACHEL
0 9 8 PASSING THE BATON
1 0 0 FROM MOROCCO TO MONTREAL 1 4 2 PART 1 OF A NEW ADVENTURE
1 0 0 MOROCCO, COUNTRY OF MY SOUL 1 4 4 COOL CRAFTS TO STYLE YOUR SUKKAH

5780 FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
0 8 0 CHOOSE LIFE: ROSH HASHANAH 1 1 6 HISTORY OF THE SHABBAT STEW
0 8 3 A SECOND CHANCE: YOM KIPPUR 1 2 0 SEPHARDIC DELICACIES
0 8 6 THE CELEBRATION OF UNCONDITIONAL 1 2 4 ROSH HASHANAH RECIPES TO LIVE FOR
LOVE: SUKKOT
WHAT’S HOT?
WELLNESS 0 5 0 ART ON SHOW
0 7 6 U N MAS K I N G T H E M Y T H S A R O U N D 1 3 4 RETURN OF REUBENS
VEGANISM
0 9 0 A STIFF-NECKED PEOPLE

TUNING IN

TO THE
songS O N G
OF OUR

HERITAGE

CONTEMPLATING THE MEANING OF HERITAGE
BRINGS TO LIGHT HOW PRECIOUS BEING JEWISH

REALLY IS.

GARETH KOBRIN

LEGACIES

My first job in London was for an Aimee, then my girlfriend, was also in Now let’s consider another story.
American investment bank – a low- the area, so I told her to come too and A few months before that incident, I
level operations job working for a meet my new crew. had just finished my university degree
savvy and tough Irish woman named Gary couldn’t have been more and was enjoying the few months of
Helen. The first day of my working life captivating. He bought everyone beer freedom I had before flying to London
was a Tuesday and by late afternoon after beer and regaled us with hilarious to explore the world. I was 22, with long
I was approached by a handsome, tales of City life in his charming hair and not a care in the world, and I
50-something man with grey hair northern accent. spent 100% of my days playing beach
named Gary. He was obviously very bats and touch rugby on Clifton beach.
senior, but so down to earth and
welcoming.

Gary loved South Africans and the The conversation moved to family, and Then one dark day my healthy,
conversation immediately descended that’s when things got weird. He told vivacious mum had a sudden brain
into sports banter. He revealed that the crowd his daughter was beautiful aneurysm and became comatose
it was his tradition to go for Friday and smart, but unfortunately, she had overnight. I was too young to accept
beers at lunchtime, and he would be recently started dating a Jew. the reality, so after the initial diagnosis
“honoured” if I would join him. I He went on to explain that this money- at the hospital, I went home and then
couldn’t have been more chuffed: day obsessed man had taken his precious ridiculously continued my daily routine
one and I was already networking. daughter as a trophy and he didn’t of sleeping late before heading straight
know what to do. I remember he said to the beach.
That Friday he came to fetch me from something like: “You know what these I realise this story just got hectic
my desk at noon sharp. Bear in mind, Jews are like.” quite quickly, but the tiny morsels of
this was my first job in London (in fact, enlightenment I have tasted in my life
my first job ever) and barely four days I’ll never forget the feeling. I looked have always come from some kind of
in I had just been personally invited to a at my mate, who was a very proud, darkness, so it’s always worth shining the
party by the coolest kid in school. It was observant Jew. He just stared at his spotlight on the root of pain in order to
just Gary and me and he bought me five shoes. My eyes moved nervously to learn.
pints of beer. Aimee, who just stared back quizzically A few mornings later, I woke up early
I returned to my desk a few hours later, with an awkward shrug. from my denial and, with a jolt of
and, suffice to say, I didn’t know if my consciousness, I realised I had to go to
boss’s name was Helen or Mordechai. I And I said and did nothing. the hospital to see my mother. This was
remember sitting there just clicking my not going away.
mouse arbitrarily, staring at the computer When I tell this story, there are always I entered the ICU with trepidation,
screen and trying not to pass out. two reactions. Some people think I’m terrified to see what my beautiful mum
a coward who didn’t stand up for my had become, and I will never forget
The following Friday Gary told me we people. On the other hand, I’ve had what I saw: my father was alone next to
would skip lunch drinks, but he’d spoken sympathisers who say: “You were only her bed, wrapped in his tefillin, weeping.
to Helen and I could leave early to join 23, you hadn’t even been on the job for
for a bigger drinks session at the same a week, how could you possibly call this
pub at 4pm. My best mate, who had man out for anti-Semitism in front of
moved to London with me from Cape everyone?”
Town, had just started a job in the City
down the road, so I told him to join us.

YALLA MAGAZINE 11

It was a public hospital, so there were several other patients In the past I took being a Jew for granted; it was a provocative
and their loved ones in the room, but my dad didn’t care social definition that made anti-Semitic pub rants awkward to
about them. He prayed and cried, oblivious of what they deal with. Now I am unapologetically proud about it.
thought.

I often contrast that grave image – etched in my mind forever We are blessed to be part of a people that has defied logic
– to the one of me standing in the pub in London just a few and statistics to become a thriving miracle. And I think the
months later, too scared to stand up for my heritage. perpetuation of this phenomenal people is largely dependent
on our parents.

Don’t worry, I don’t judge myself or feel guilty. But I think My mum and dad have now been gone for more than 12
it is a poignant representation of the very common human years (my dad actually passed while my mother was still in the
dilemma of living in the secular world while trying to coma, but I’ll save that teary story for another edition). And
represent our Jewish legacy. yet every reflection of Judaism in my mind bears their faces.

How do I reconcile wrapping myself in black leather straps I put on my tefillin every day and I think of my dad. I say
every morning and praying to an infinite Creator with Eishet Chayil on Friday night and I mimic how he said it.
draping myself in a black suit each day in the pursuit of I see the strength and beauty of my mother in Aimee and
infinite wealth creation? (It is a figurative black suit in my our girls every second of every day, and remember how her
case; we have a casual dress code.) eyes sparkled when she lit the Shabbat candles, but more
For me the answer has become simple: one of those things importantly, how she embodied the essence of a radiant
is what I do and the other is who I am. Jewish woman.

12 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

LEGACIES

And I remember how cool my parents were. Because our Religion is just a made-up word. It comes from the Latin religo,
Jewish heritage is cool as well. It’s frightfully funny and which means to bind. I’d rather avoid a definition that feels
drenched in kindness, but also serious and spiritual. restricting, so I think we can expand our view by considering
the essence of this edition: heritage.

My mom used to have the best banter, often in Yiddish. Shira always gives me the theme and some guidance on what
She was a wise and beautiful lady and yet had a young soul. I should write, but I can’t start writing until I understand what
Or maybe a really old one? I am writing about.

My dad was kind and loving and obsessed with teaching me When we think of the English word, I think a common error
stuff, because education is part of our genes. (And my dad is underestimating the difference between culture
also looked pretty suave in a good pair of jeans.) and heritage.

I think this is the thing I have realised in the past few years: The main difference is that culture is based on what people
it is cool to be a Jew. create, whereas heritage is what we inherit by nature and by
In a world where religion is denigrated as archaic and nurture. (For proof, see that “heritage” and “inherit” have the
unscientific, I am happy to defend it from both an intellectual same shoresh or root, so they at least have the same heir).
and spiritual perspective. But if we are really going to understand the word, let’s have
This is why we have mezuzot on our office doors, why I am a quick peek at the true meaning from Hebrew. According to
happy to leave long before all my staff on Fridays in the winter, an article by Shlomo Riskin in the Jerusalem Post, the general
and why I won’t eat “normal” food with my colleagues. Hebrew term for inheritance is yerusha, but there are two objects
Despite these strange superstitions, I am reasonably certain that the Bible designates as morasha (heritage): the land of Israel
most of them still think I am pretty cool. (Exodus 6:9) and the Torah of Israel (Deuteronomy 33: 4).

So, this brings me back to the pub in Farringdon in 2007, I think most people will relate to that. Our Jewish heritage is
when the guy with a northern accent as thick as porridge was based on our inheritance of Torah values and our bond to the
talking badly about Jews in public. Should I have voiced the children and the land of Israel.
feelings I obviously experienced? The fundamental difference between them is that the one
I won’t go on a tangent about the importance of words and comes very easily, usually in biological form. (It isn’t that hard
verbalising things. Instead, I think we should rather focus on to be born a Jew, you just need a Jewish mother.)
what is worth protesting. The other type of inheritance is acquired by hard work and
Today people will decorate their placards with almost any must be given as a precious heirloom to the next generation.
cause, but crazily the one issue which has the worst reputation And that’s our heritage – a unique marriage between genes
in today’s culture is religion. and a gift passed down for generations.

YALLA MAGAZINE 13

LEGACIES

“Our history is a song. This is why music
resonates with us, because it always invokes

a feeling of connection to something.”

The root letters of the word in Hebrew are yud (or vav), reish So that night, while on the sauce in the City, I think I should
and shin. When these same letters are written in a slightly have said something. Probably not in front of everyone at the
different order, they spell out the word shir – a song. pub, but at least to Gary privately or at the office the next
Our history is a song. This is why music resonates with day. But I kept silent. To borrow a delicious South African
us, because it always invokes a feeling of connection to expression that is consistent with our metaphor: I should have
something. I once heard the crazy Kabbalistic story that tuned him!
Adam was told by G-d he could take one thing with him I should have spoken up for our heritage for all the millions
from the Garden of Eden, and he decided to take music. of Yids who came before us, many of whom died to ensure
(I don’t have a source for that, but I assume it is a Midrash our song kept playing. And for my mother and father, who
from Bereishit, and I hope it’s accurate because I have been ingrained this wonderful Jewish heritage into my bones.
dining out on it for years.) And for me, because the most important part of being a
I always thought it was a radical concept that the only thing Jew is embracing the heritage with pride, no matter what
he took was music, because there is something undeniably the circumstances.
spiritual about music. It’s why we cry both kinds of tears to A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because
prayers, songs and melodies. it has a song.

But maybe, on a deeper level, it means he preserved heritage. Therefore, my message is simple and clear: we need to learn
He wanted us to have the Divine feeling of connecting to the the lyrics of our legacy, let the melody touch our souls and
Source. sing with it.

I think it’s cool to think of our heritage like this. We are all
individual notes in an infinite melody. But just like any single
musical note has no meaning on its own, we can only find our
true purpose when we form part of the beautiful Jewish song
– regardless of whether that song is Hatikva, Lecha Dodi
or something by Amy Winehouse or Yaakov Shwekey.

GARETH KOBRIN was born South Africa where he He is married to Aimee and they have three children. When
graduated with a master’s degree in economics from the he is not doing VAT stuff, he loves to write and is obsessed
University of Cape Town. He moved to London just over a with sport.
decade ago where he worked in the banking industry for a
few years, and then qualified as a chartered management If you need any advice on VAT or just want some sports
accountant. He is now the CEO of a tax technology company banter, Gareth can be contacted at Gareth.kobrin@
called VATGlobal, which is part of the VAT IT Group. vatglobal.com.

‫בס״ד‬

BRAMPTON
BET MEDRASH

BY

A newly refurbished ‫בית מדרש‬ LAUNCHING
with a dedicated ‫ראש בית המדרש‬.
After 17 years in Eretz Yisrael Wednesday
Rabbi Nathan Kahlani has 4th September 2019
moved back to London to build a
‫ מקום תורה‬for the whole
community.

‫סליחות‬: 6.30am (Monday & Thursday 6:20am
‫שחרית‬: 7.10am

Breakfast & Short Shiur: 7.50 – 8.05am

Night Seder ‫מסכת סוכה‬

Monday - Thursday: 8.00 – 9.45pm

‫ בקיאות‬with Rabbi Tzvi Katzenstein:

Daily Shiur: 8.00 – 8.30pm

‫ בעיון‬with Rabbi Nathan Kahlani:

Thursday Shiur: 8.45 – 9.30pm

Chevruta Night with Rabbi Yitsy David
& Rabbi Moshe Levy:
Tuesday & Thursday: 8.30 – 9.30pm

‫ערבית‬: 9.45pm

For more info, please email
[email protected]

A FOOTHOLD IN

greece

VIA

spain

A SMALL QUARTER ON THE ISLAND OF RHODES
TELLS OF A PROUD HISTORY WITH ROOTS IN THE

GOLDEN AGE OF SPANISH JEWRY.

NOSTALGIA

MARC MENASHE

Rhodes is like any other Greek island, where sunshine, late to remember from where they came. For over 400 years, the
night parties and a quaint old town are standard fare on the community lived in relative tranquillity with their Turkish and
holiday menu. Except, Rhodes is different. Greek neighbours, but they stayed together within the tightly
Behind the town’s medieval arches and the neon lights of packed “La Juderia” quarter of the walled old town and kept
its bars are narrow alleyways that hide the entrances to their mother tongue, Ladino (Castilian Spanish).
synagogues, former yeshivot, Jewish schools and even a genizah Like most Jews in Europe around the turn of the 20th
(a storage area in a Jewish synagogue or cemetery). If one century, many younger Rhodeslis left the declining economic
looks carefully, there are scratchings on the doorposts of some conditions facing the old world to find opportunities in the
Greek houses – the only testament that Jews once lived in new. These Rhodesli émigrés set up new communities in
these homes. places as far afield as Seattle and Cape Town, Buenos Aires
Rhodes was a Crusader town, similar to Acre or Jerusalem. and the Belgian Congo. For those who remained, their fate
It changed hands several times over the centuries, among the eventually would be met at the tail end of WWII in the
Crusaders, Turks, Italians and Greeks. Although there had crematoria of Auschwitz.
been a small Jewish presence on the island since antiquity, the Today, the once vibrant community on the island is gone,
Sephardim only moved there as refugees from Spain in 1522, but Jewish life has not perished. A strong Rhodesli diaspora
under the auspices of the then burgeoning Ottoman Empire. returns to the island as a form of pilgrimage every year, and
These Jews brought with them the legacy of the “golden age” the Kahal Shalom once again hosts weddings, bar mitzvahs
of Spanish Jewry, which the sultan saw as Spain’s loss and his and high holiday services for the (great) grandchildren of
empire’s gain. those ancestors who grew up in that very synagogue.

In 1577, these refugees, now an established community, The Jewish historical experience is a continuing spiral, and
built the magnificent Kahal Shalom Synagogue, which still it is a comforting yet defiant irony that, 75 years after the
stands today. It is a unique synagogue as it was designed Holocaust, kosher meat and wine are available once again
with two heichals (prayer areas): one for the present and one on the island to cater for the flock of Israeli tourists.

18 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

“As generations
pass, it will be a
challenge for this
diaspora to keep
their Sephardi
traditions alive.”

As generations pass, it will be a challenge for this diaspora to keep
their Sephardi traditions alive. Mother-to-daughter generational
recipes will be confined to recipe books, and the faint recollections
of Ladino expressions will be thought of only with nostalgia. Yet,
despite this cultural dilution, there is one thing that remains core to
every Rhodesli descendant: the intrinsic knowledge that they are the
inheritors of the Sephardi grandees and the remnants of a golden
era in Jewish history, which brought about the Rambam, Ramban,
Ibn Ezra and the great codifiers of Jewish law.
Perhaps, then, Rhodes is a microcosm of the broader Jewish
narrative. A minority living within a diverse society, but remaining
proud of their Jewish identity. Like the architecture in the Kahal
Shalom, Jews today can live with one foot in the present while still
longing for the days of old. It is no wonder that Rhodes is known as
“La Chica Yerushalayim” – Little Jerusalem.

MARC MENASHE is originally from South Africa but he has been in the UK for a number of years. He’s
a lawyer by profession but has a keen interest in Jewish history and exploring Jewish life around the
world, especially Rhodes, as he is a descendant of Rhodesli Jews.

diary
OF AN ANGLO-JEWISH MUM

20 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

A PATRIOTIC LONDONER REFLECTS ON IMPORTANT
PARTS OF HER IDENTITY THAT SOMETIMES CLASH,

BUT ALWAYS REMAIN INTERTWINED.

SARA ELIAS

Before I begin, a caveat: this article is a very personal take on At the end of each section, there is also a question about
what Anglo-Jewish heritage means to me. Not everyone will “any other white/mixed/Asian/black/other background”.
agree with what I consider to be heritage or even British, and At that point, I always pause, wondering if I ought to write
I do not pretend that this is in any way a definitive view. That in what I really consider myself to be: white British Jewish.
said, please join me in this light-hearted rumination. Is that what I’m supposed to say? Or is the fact of my religion
I recently had to fill out yet another of those ethnicity forms. irrelevant even if, to me, it is at the very core of who I am and
You know the ones – they often need to be filled in with what my heritage is?
school paperwork or at the doctor’s surgery, and ask whether The fact is that my Britishness and my Jewishness are two
you are white, mixed, Asian, black or other, with all the separate but deeply intertwined aspects of who I am. I love
different permutations therein (white British, white Irish…). my Judaism, and I love my Britishness. I am no more or less
either of these things for loving the other.

LAND OF OUR HERITAGE

Of course, like so many of you reading this magazine, my BBC Radio 3 and 4 were the soundtrack to my childhood;
family are only relatively recent arrivals to these islands. On visits to see the latest at the National Theatre were not
one side, I am second-generation British, on the other I am unusual; I went to the Last Night of the Proms more than
third or fourth. The story of how we came to be here is the once before I was 20… So it is no real surprise that I grew
usual one: Jews fleeing persecution. As we know only too up with these twin loyalties deeply ingrained within me.
well, Jews have done this with varying degrees of success
throughout the centuries; it is in our DNA. Quite possibly
there is someone somewhere, at this precise moment, writing
an article about their French Jewish or even their Chinese And it is no wonder that Jews feel comfortable in this
Jewish heritage. The very essence of our story is that of country. Ever since Oliver Cromwell readmitted Jews into
adapting to life among other nations while keeping hold of England in 1656, scores of prominent Jews have taken on
our faith. the mantle of Britishness and worn it like a second skin. Sir
Moses Montefiore (1784-1885), an Italian-born Jew, became
sheriff of London, no less. The recently departed, legendary
children’s author Judith Kerr, a German-Jewish refugee,
What is probably at the foundation of my deep connection wrote the wonderful Mog books, which reflect a quintessential
to Britain is the gratitude Englishness.
I feel for the safe-haven
my family found here, one “Kosher Kingdom
that remains relatively safe.
My beloved grandpa Salo now imports so many Naturally, there are moments
was forever grateful to this when my Britishness and
country for taking him my Jewishness are at odds.
in after his escape from American products that When watching an Israeli
team compete against an
Austria. My equally beloved English or British team, for
grandma Anne was rescued I sometimes forget what example, I am torn. And if
asked who would win in a
from Austria in late 1938 cook-off between Delia Smith
during the Kindertransport and Evelyn Rose, who would
rescue effort. In Britain they country I’m in.” I choose?

found safety, security and
each other, and were able to build a successful life together.
Growing up, they made it clear to me how lucky they felt to (Delia, your peerless apple almond pudding has warmed up
have landed on these shores. many a night in the succah, but where would generations of
Jewish cooks be without uber-bubbe Evelyn?)

It was not uncommon for freshly arrived refugees from Probably the ultimate experience of this disconnect was when,
Germany and Austria to do their utmost to fit in with their as a sixth former at Westminster School, I was required to
new compatriots. And so it was with my grandfather, who attend prayers in adjoining Westminster Abbey three times
took to wearing a bowler hat and smoking a pipe in order to a week. It was something that all pupils at the school had to
look more like an Englishman, whereas my grandma, to this do, and it never occurred to me to say that I could not go on
day, speaks with a lovely British accent that barely betrays her religious grounds (which would have been a bit odd anyway,
Viennese origins. seeing as there was school on a Saturday morning and I
On my father’s side, the family had been here even longer. always went to that). However, for the entire two years of
Refugees from the Russian pogroms of the mid-19th century, my time there, I made sure never to sing a single line of any
they started off in the East End in London and then made hymn. Instead, I stood there and marvelled at the grandeur
the almost obligatory pilgrimage to its northern parts. My around me.
grandpa Philip enlisted with the Royal Artillery and then
the Royal Engineers during WW2. My grandma Ella was
addicted to those two most English of shopping emporia:
Fortnum & Mason and Liberty.

22 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

LAND OF OUR HERITAGE

I was a lot less religious then than I am now, but I was Over the years the Aliyah question has often popped into my
conscious that that great national monument belonged to a mind. Somewhat predictably, the first time I thought about
bit of Britishness that was not – and never would be – mine. it was on my post-GCSE AJ6 trip to Israel, as I sat in the
I still remember exiting that awesome building feeling like a middle of the Negev desert one night, enjoying a deep and
fraud, as tourists watched us filing past. meaningful conversation with a friend as we stared up at the
There are, however, moments when these two parts of me immense, starry sky. The question has cropped up repeatedly
sit quite harmoniously side by side. I grew up knowing that ever since. In the summer of 2014, during the awful conflict
at a simcha a toast was made to the Queen, you sang the between Israel and Hamas known as Operation Protective
national anthem, and then followed that immediately with Edge, my husband and I thought long and hard about our
the “Hatikvah” (whose words, incidentally, were penned by place in the UK. From where we stood (and from what we
an ancestor of mine). It would have been weird not to do that. heard, many others felt similarly), the sudden upsurge in
And speaking of Her Majesty the Queen, I vividly recall the anti-Semitism at that time felt like a wake-up call – you think
Shabbat when the street we were living on at the time was you’re safe here, but are you really? I suddenly had a powerful
closed for a party to celebrate her 60th year on the throne. sense that I was experiencing something of what it had felt
We ate our Shabbat lunch and then stepped outside into like to be a Jew in 1930s Germany. It was chilling. Sadly, that
the carnival atmosphere, Shabbat belts strapped around our anti-Semitism, though not as intense as it was that summer,
waists. The street was strung with Union Jack bunting and has never returned to that seemingly “normal” level from
we happily strolled along its carless, crowded blocks, politely before the conflict. I may not be asking myself that question
declining the scones and champers being offered to us but as loudly, but it’s still lurking in the recesses of my mind.
revelling, nonetheless, in the moment. Could I live in Israel? I honestly don’t know. I do wonder if
There is a key question still to be dealt with, of course: as British people are among the least well equipped to deal with
someone who embraces their dual heritage so warmly, would a place where the sharper your elbows the further along the
I ever consider making Aliyah? After all, I am a Jew and Israel queue it seems to get you. And the tea? Don’t get me started
is there. What am I waiting for, exactly? As my grandma on the tea! In true British style, I’ve taken to bringing my own.
often reminds me, we are the lucky ones, because there was Yes, I reckon I would have to shed a lot of my Britishness to
no Israel when she was growing up in pre-war Austria. She make it out there. I would be sad to do that. I think.
knows only too well the feeling of insecurity that comes with
not having a single place in the world to call a homeland, a
place that has to take you in, no matter what.

SARA ELIAS recently moved from NW8 to NW11 and has been blown away by the amazing warmth of the welcome
she and her family have received in their new neighbourhood. She also wonders how long it will take for the novelty of
being able to walk to Kosher Kingdom, Bread and Balady to wear off. Perhaps it never will. Sara was, until recently, the
PTA chair at her children’s primary school, where she is also a governor. Occasionally, she writes articles (usually for
Yalla magazine). If you have any pointers on how to carve out more writing time in each day, please send them her way.

A TALE OF TWO

countries

THERE ARE A GREAT MANY DIFFERENCES
BETWEEN LIFE IN THE US AND THE UK, BUT A
JEWISH FAMILY CAN FIND A HOME IN BOTH.

GILA PFEFFER

OUR HERITAGE ACROSS CONTINENTS

When my family and I moved to London from the suburbs of The few neighbours who were home stopped by to welcome
central New Jersey in the US in August 2009, it was supposed us warmly, which foreshadowed the overwhelming welcome
to be for three years. Not really one for adventure or big we’d receive from the broader Hendon community in the
change, I surprised myself by agreeing to the move when my weeks and months to come. This, of course, was in stark
husband broached the subject. His motivation was career- contrast to what we’d heard before our move: that British
related, but we understood that this was a chance for us to people kept to themselves and weren’t particularly warm.
steep our children (and ourselves) in a new culture, meet new The endless stream of invitations, cakes, challahs and offers
people and travel to places to which the US could not give us to help suggested otherwise. It probably didn’t hurt that my
such easy access. And to drink more tea than I thought was husband and I were outgoing, outspoken and opinionated.
humanly possible. In other words, very American.

It was also a chance to teach our kids resilience and the But during our first week in London, many people were
importance of adaptability. away on family holidays. That’s what British people do in
We were going to a place where, despite sharing a common late August, and it was a revelation. Back home, once school
language, we knew virtually no one, did not have the lie of finished in mid-June, there was a one- or two-day lag before
the land and did not understand anything about the school day camp started and the rhythm of summer life continued
system. And we’d have to learn to drive all over again. more or less as it did throughout the school year.
Our friends and family were not pleased. The following August we enjoyed our first proper family
“Three years is nothing,” I told them. “We’ll be back before summer holiday, in Italy, and we convinced close friends from
you know it, and in the meantime, you’ll have a reason to visit our old neighbourhood to join us. It was the first time we had
England.” That was 10 years ago. ever taken a two-week holiday and, having spent a year living
Our kids were 2, 4, 6 and 8 years old when we landed in in the UK at that point, we realised why.
NW4 on a sunny August day. We watched the 40-foot storage There is no guaranteed paid leave in the US. Not for
container packed with our belongings being manoeuvred vacation, not for sick days and not for maternity. An employer
down a narrow, car-lined street, coming to a halt in front of is required to hold your job for a certain amount of time if
our rental house. And in front of the two adjacent houses. you can’t be at work, but that’s it. When I worked full time,
When that same container was pulled up in front of our I was allowed two weeks’ vacation per year. Unpaid. And my
New Jersey home six weeks prior, ready to be crammed with two weeks were used up by taking days off for the chagim.
everything we owned, the wide road and the fact that most Unless you work for a generous company that decides to
cars are parked in driveways meant easy access. I didn’t realise allow you more leave, or even better, paid leave, a two-week
how gargantuan the unit was until I saw it coming down a vacation is not a viable prospect.
North London road like a blue metal Godzilla. So, when people ask me what we like so much about living in
The kids scampered off to stake claim to their new bedrooms London, I pull out this statistic as just one example: people
and I paused outside for a moment, closing my eyes to working in the UK get an average of 28 days paid leave and
face the sun – the sun which people told us never shines in an additional nine days of public holidays (also paid). In the
London. I wondered what other preconceived notions would US it’s 10 public holidays (which are not guaranteed to come
be proven wrong. with pay) and zero guaranteed paid vacation days.

YALLA MAGAZINE 25

OUR HERITAGE ACROSS CONTINENTS

A similar comparison can be made with regard to maternity So many of my friends growing up had Holocaust survivor
leave, which allows women in the UK one year off from work, grandparents too, as many Polish and Hungarian survivors
some of it paid. In the US, depending on the state you live in, of the camps made their way to the five boroughs of New
you can expect between three and five months off with zero pay. York City, where I was born and raised. I assumed that to be
a Jewish grandparent was to have a number tattooed on your
arm and to speak broken English. It wasn’t until I was 15 that
I met my friend’s American grandmother and, upon hearing
The US employment rules could very well have been born her American accent, I asked: “Is she Jewish?” (She was.)
out of what’s known as the American Dream: the notion that
anyone, regardless of their class, education or upbringing, can
be upwardly mobile and achieve financial success through
great sacrifice and hard work. Americans can do anything, In London, I marvel at the fact that so many of my
hence their being known for their “can do” attitudes and the friends’ grandparents are British born and have managed
tendency to be confident. But that ethos comes at a price. to pass down the lesson of “want not, waste not” to
my contemporaries. The
generations to come out of the
Another benefit of living in “Kosher Kingdom Holocaust survivors in the US
the UK is the National Health now imports so many seem to have more of a “more
Service (NHS), which has is more” attitude. But to be
provided my family free medical, American products fair, that’s reflective of a larger
dental and eye care for the past that I sometimes national attitude as is evident
10 years. The UK places a heavy in the number of disposable
emphasis on the well-being crockery and cutlery that
(physical and mental) of the Americans seem to get through.

individual and the family, making
it culturally acceptable and
motivational for people to nurture forget what country When I’m asked how UK life

the important relationships in I’m in.” is different to that in the US,
their lives. As an American who is I point out that I’ve only lived
all too familiar with the crushing in a tiny part of New York and
costs of healthcare, I don’t think I will ever take the NHS for New Jersey, and now I live in one tiny part of London. I can
granted, no matter how many years I live here. only compare life in those two parts of the world, and even
then, I can really only do so through the experience of only
ever having lived in Jewish communities. The US is a big and
My appreciation of the NHS and its robust offerings led me diverse place and it turns out that England is too.
to research it a bit (principally when studying for my “Life
in the UK” exam) and I learned that the service was set up
in post-war Britain. The war, as it turns out, also serves as When responding to questions about differences between the
an interesting point of contrast between Americans and the two countries, I mainly focus on the education systems being
British, certainly within the Jewish community. I’m a first- drastically different, healthcare costs, and quality of life issues
generation American on my father’s side and all four of my like the ones I’ve mentioned here. Bigger parking spaces and
grandparents are Holocaust survivors. I went to Jewish schools iced Americanos in the States. Better cheese and tea options
my whole life and when World War II was taught, it was in the UK. But the longer I live here, the more similarities I
always through the lens of the Holocaust, as opposed to in see between British Jewish communities and American ones.
England, where the emphasis is more on the war effort and And I don’t just mean the fact that Kosher Kingdom now
national pride in the resulting victory. imports so many American products that I sometimes forget
what country I’m in when I wander down its aisles.

26 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

Oh, and beverage temperatures. We spent years missing ice in our drinks until we finally bought a freezer
with a built-in ice machine.
In both places, our days are measured by homework, after-school activities, household admin and social
engagements. Our weeks and months are measured by Shabbat and chagim. And it is universally true that
no matter what time Shabbat comes in, we are always rushing to get everything done in time.
It is our code of living by Jewish law that unites us and makes it easy for an American family of six to
drop anchor 3 500 miles away and feel at once that we belong, despite all of us, kids included, holding on
stubbornly to our American accents.

GILA PFEFFER is a freelance writer breast cancer prevention in the UK as with her husband and 4 kids almost
and author of the blog www.the-mom- well as the USA. Her contributions in 10 years ago, Gila was a marketing
who-knew-too-much.com where this arena were recently recognised by director for an Italian fashion label,
she writes relatable content about Sharsheret, an American organisation an e-commerce marketing director
that supports young Jewish women in for a school uniform company,
parenting teens. As a breast cancer the fight against breast cancer. Before a PTA president and school board
moving to London from New Jersey vice president.
previvor and survivor, she uses her

experience as a platform to promote

ONE SHABBAT

A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE

SHABBAT CAN KEEP US TOGETHER IN A SOCIETY
WHERE EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE PULLING US
APART, SAYS THE SHABBAT PROJECT FOUNDER

CHIEF RABBI DR WARREN GOLDSTEIN.
SIMON APFEL

VALUES OF OUR HERITAGE

“Life would never be the same again...” …

James Kennard, the principal of Mount Scopus Memorial At the forefront of The Shabbat Project is the idea
College in Melbourne, was reflecting on an extraordinary of Jewish unity. One of the unique aspects of the initiative
Shabbat in 2014 that some believe changed the face of is its neutrality; the idea that all factional identities – all
Melbourne Jewry for good. But he might just as easily have denominations, affiliations, ideologies and political differences
been talking about the rest of the Jewish world. – are set aside.

The Shabbat Project was introduced in South Africa in 2013 Hence, the tagline of The Shabbat Project – “Keeping it
to astonishing effect: tens of thousands of South African Jews together”.
of all backgrounds and levels of Jewish observance joined “Unity is key,” says Rabbi Dr Warren Goldstein, Chief
together to keep a Shabbat. The majority of South African Rabbi of South Africa, and founder and chief architect of
Jews kept the Shabbat in full, most for the first time in their The Shabbat Project. “As Jews around the world, across our
lives. Perhaps more significantly, it drew people together – divisions, it’s something we do together. The power of that
religious, secular, traditional; young and old – in ways never shared experience is unimaginable.”
seen before. With its universal appeal – a day of rest, switching off, family
Streets thronged with families walking together to shul. The togetherness – The Shabbat Project brings together all Jewish
night air was filled the sweet songs of Shabbat and the smells “factions”, and helps people rediscover their Jewish heritage
of Shabbat cooking. Synagogues overflowed. Homes were against this backdrop of unity and solidarity.
filled with family life. This is especially powerful in today’s age, where there is a
Images and personal testimonies from South Africa flashed cultural backlash against postmodernism, with people hungrier
across the internet. Soon people were writing in from around for meaning, belonging and identity than ever before.
the world, eager to bring The Shabbat Project to their own
cities and communities.

And so, the international Shabbat Project was born: “One “At the centre of The Shabbat Project is, of course, the mitzvah
Shabbat celebrated – and kept in full – across the world, by of Shabbat,” says Chief Rabbi Goldstein, “a crucial mitzvah
the entire Jewish people, at the same time.” and a pillar of Jewish life that unites us and enables us to find
For the inaugural international Shabbat Project, held on renewed inspiration in our Jewish heritage and Jewish identity.”
24 and 25 October 2014, hundreds of thousands of people “The most beautiful thing was that for the first time I
in 460 cities around the world took part – not just in unique can remember, we had Jews from across the board, every
Shabbat programmes, but in city-wide, spirited pre-Shabbat generation, from Reform to Conservative, under one roof –
“challah bakes” and post-Shabbat “Havdallah concerts”. we even had unaffiliated Jews join us from South County,”
By 2015, The Shabbat Project had doubled in size, reaching said Alison H, a Shabbat Project organiser in Orange County
918 cities and 84 countries. Last year, that grew to more than in the US. “The one thing we all had in common was that we
1 500 cities and 101 countries. wanted to be part of something bigger, something we could
all be a part of, no matter our level of Jewish practice. On
this Shabbat, we were simply proud Jews among thousands
upon thousands of proud Jews worldwide – revelling in our
Jewishness, our common heritage.”



VALUES OF OUR HERITAGE

… of the city’s entire Jewish population) at an open-invitation
One of the most remarkable dimensions of the story Shabbat meal at the home of Keli Rae; a Friday night dinner
of The Shabbat Project is how quickly everything happened. for 3 000 people on the streets of LA.
In just a few months after the project was introduced in South “The logistical requirements alone seem impossible, but
Africa, a global social movement sprung to life, with groups enough people have done it, it is do-able,” says Alyssa
working on The Shabbat Project in hundreds of cities, and Baumgarten, who heads up The Shabbat Project in Miami.
across eight languages. “Being a partner is a very rewarding experience that changes
And, while The Shabbat Project is in some instances you and changes your community. You have a real impact on
coordinated and managed through formal communal peoples’ lives. How often do you get a chance to do that? How
organisations and partners, the initiative is essentially a often do you get a chance to build unity among the Jewish
grassroots social movement, driven “by the people for the people or help someone kindle a connection with their Jewish
people”. heritage?”
“The Shabbat Project is not a top-down bureaucratic Holding this vast army of volunteers together is a team
organisation,” says Chief Rabbi Goldstein, “it’s a movement of professionals at The Shabbat Project headquarters in
of the people; a grassroots initiative being driven by thousands Johannesburg and an international call centre in Tel Aviv –
of people throughout the world who have made the project strategists, designers, copywriters, social media gurus, project
their own; who connect with its ideals and objectives, and feel a managers – all experts in their field, who are committed, loyal
sense of responsibility for bringing it to life.” and love the project.
The extraordinary network of partners encompasses 8 000 “They do what they do not because it’s a job, but because it’s
volunteer leaders in cities around the world, all devoting a calling, something they truly believe in,” says Chief Rabbi
incalculable time and effort to bring The Shabbat Project to Goldstein. “When great people come together like this, you
their communities, and originating innovative ideas that have can really change the world.”
kept The Shabbat Project fresh and exciting, year after year.
…

From a yoga retreat in Rockland County to a glow-in-the-dark The Shabbat Project genuinely has changed the world.
challah bake in Costa Rica; from a cruise line Shabbaton in Evidently, Shabbat is an aspect of Judaism that holds a particular
the middle of the Atlantic Ocean to a Shabbat on the slopes resonance for these times.
of Mount Kilimanjaro; from a musical Kabbalat Shabbat Many of today’s leading behavioural scientists, neurologists,
for thousands on Bondi Beach to a Seudah Shlishit in a bar in psychologists and social commentators point to a “crisis of
central Jerusalem... pop-up shuls, street dinners, glamping, attention” in the digital age – a world that has become a
couch-surfing – you name it, they’ve pulled it off. constant feed of information and entertainment, a procession
The events come in all sizes – a Havdallah concert in of beeps and pings and pop-ups doing battle for our attention.
Buenos Aires for 12 000 people; 14 friends new to the “A world in which we are so besieged by distractions,” says
Shabbat experience sharing a Friday night dinner with the Chief Rabbi Goldstein, “that we’ve forgotten how to live.
Meshchaninov family of Rockland County, New York; 13 000
Sydney Jews taking part in 125 different initiatives; 33 strangers
in Fernley, deep in the Nevada desert (perhaps the majority

YALLA MAGAZINE 31

VALUES OF OUR HERITAGE

“One of the unique aspects of the initiative is its
neutrality; the idea that all factional identities
– all denominations, affiliations, ideologies and
political differences – are set aside.”

“Shabbat enables us to momentarily set aside the distractions, The focus in 2019 will be on drawing people to the full,
demands and pressures of daily life – offering us the time and immersive 25-hour Shabbat experience.
space to renew our inner selves, and to revisit and reinvigorate “Crucially,” says Chief Rabbi Goldstein, “The Shabbat
our most important relationships. Project is not merely about performing a symbolic gesture to
“Shabbat,” he says, “can keep us together in a society where acknowledge Shabbat – it involves observing it in full.” For
everything seems to be pulling us apart. It is truly a day that South Africa’s chief rabbi, authenticity is everything.
G-d gave us to bring inspiration and rejuvenation to our “Shabbat has been at the centre of Jewish life since Sinai.
lives. It is also a time that we remind ourselves that G-d is our The call of The Shabbat Project is to keep an entire halachic
creator and the creator of everything.” Shabbat – the way Shabbat has been kept for thousands of
And, thanks to The Shabbat Project, there are countless people years.
across the world starting to keep it together.

People like Aviv Alush, the well-known Israeli actor and singer “Our approach is predicated on the idea that the real energy
best known for his role on the hit show, ‘Beauty and the Baker’, of Shabbat – its transformative power – is wholly dependent
first heard of The Shabbat Project in 2015. on immersing oneself in the full Shabbat experience.”

“I remember telling my wife, ‘Yalla, let’s give it a shot, what It is also a standard that, somewhat surprisingly, appeals to
do we have to lose?’ And it was just a magical experience – the Jews of all levels of observance and even affiliation.
family bonding, the quiet, the disconnecting. Just one Shabbat, “We’ve set an ideal and we’ve asked people to aim high. First
together.” in South Africa in 2013, and then across the world over the
past five years, a remarkable proportion of ‘first-timers’ – far
Last year, Alush helped promote the project across Israel. exceeding expectations – have responded enthusiastically,
perhaps not despite, but because of the challenge and
“It’s just an amazing initiative. A worldwide Shabbat that all uncompromised nature of The Shabbat Project.”
of us keep together – observant, not observant, less connected, Because it is immersive, The Shabbat Project is potentially
more connected. I think there’s something so beautiful and life-changing in a way less-demanding Shabbat initiatives and
unifying in it.” Jewish literacy programmes often aren’t.

…

Last year was the biggest Shabbat Project to date, “Over the past six years, through the power of the full Shabbat
reaching more than 1 500 cities worldwide. experience, we’ve seen individuals and communities do great
things. Things that before were not thought possible.

We’ve seen walls torn down, families rejuvenated, deep feelings Mexico City and Miami, Cape Town and Calgary, Atlanta and
awakened, and deep friendships formed.” Ashkelon, Vilna and Venice, Sao Paulo and Seattle – uniting to
keep a complete Shabbat together.

The power of doing that together, all across the Jewish world? The Shabbat Project will be taking place in cities as diverse as
Unimaginable. Las Vegas, Leipzig, Memphis, Gibraltar, Tokyo, Montevideo,
He calls it “jumping together”. Tucson, Rome, Milan, Vienna, Cincinnati, Caracas and Abuja.
It seems that wherever there are Jews, there is The Shabbat
Project.

“It’s time for the Jewish world to jump together. To recommit Perhaps most remarkable is the breadth and diversity of this
to our heritage, to the grand idea of what it means to be a Jew burgeoning coalition of Shabbat Project Jews spread across six
– and to find our way forward to a future filled with inspiration continents, separated by geography, by culture, by language.
and determination, a future that will see us defeat those who Educational and marketing materials have been published in
seek to destroy our values.” eight languages: English, French, Hebrew, Portuguese, Spanish,
The “Jumping Together” campaign is in fact a response to Russian, German and Italian. This is a coalition comprising
rising levels of anti-Semitism across the globe, and particularly Jews of vastly different levels of observance. There are
the recent spate of attacks in the US, the deadliest of which participants who have been keeping Shabbat their whole lives,
took place in Pittsburgh on last year’s Shabbat Project. and who are committed to every last detail of halacha. And
then there are those who’ve never kept Shabbat before, and
even those who have almost no connection to Jewish practice.
And all levels in between.

“Our strongest and most powerful response to the darkness of And so, for this year’s Shabbat Project, let us once again
Pittsburgh and other recent inhuman attacks is to boldly spread join hands with our fellow Jews across the world – and let us
light in the world. To redouble our humanity. We cannot be embark on this exciting journey of keeping a Shabbat together.
intimidated or paralysed by the darkness. We mourn and we Let us taste the full Shabbat experience, keeping it the way
pray, but we are not defeated or afraid. Jews have kept it for thousands of years. Let’s keep it together.

“As the Jewish people, we have the power to make change, stop We are encouraging people not just to sign up as participants
hate, and ignite love. The Shabbat Project is an opportunity to in The Shabbat Project, but to take it one step further – to
do just that. All we need to do is jump together. become official Shabbat Project partners. Contact our partner
office in Tel Aviv and you will find a team ready and waiting to
“And when we do that, we move the world.” help you. We will give you everything you need to bring The
Shabbat Project to your community. We will connect you with
JOIN IN other partners in your city, and together, we will once again
Chief Rabbi Dr Warren Goldstein create a true people’s movement across the globe.

We are weeks away from another historic Shabbat. Under This is your chance to change your city, and with it, change
the banner of The Shabbat Project, Jewish communities in the world.
more than 1 500 cities around the world are preparing with
anticipation and inspiration to welcome in this Shabbat in THE SHABBAT PROJECT WILL BE
unprecedented numbers. TAKING PLACE ON 15/16 NOVEMBER
Step back and reflect on what that means. It means that 2019. TO SIGN UP, FIND OUT HOW
there are Jews in every corner of the globe – in Jerusalem YOU CAN BECOME A PARTNER,
and Johannesburg, London and Los Angeles, Melbourne OR FOR MORE INFO, VISIT:
and Moscow, Buenos Aires and Berlin, Tel Aviv and Toronto, T H E S H A B B AT P R O J E C T. O R G .

YALLA MAGAZINE 33

homeH O M E
AWAY

FROM

homeH O M E
MAKING ALIYAH CAN BE BOTH THE BEST
AND MOST DIFFICULT THING TO DO.

TALYA DRISSMAN WOOLF

THE LAND OF OUR HERITAGE

It’s been exactly four years since we packed up our lives and But here’s what I’ve learned – just like a sabra (prickly pear) that
moved to Israel. Four years since I became an expat; four has those wretched, tiny, painful slivers, inside they are sweet
years since I last called Michigan my home. Four years since and delicious. Perhaps in some Israelis you have to dig a little
I could stop thinking about languages from the time I left deeper, but it’s true. The comparison is there for a reason.
the house until the time I stepped in the door. Four years The truth is, they are quick to apologise if they’ve really
since I was a more-than-competent mother who understood insulted or hurt you (physically or emotionally) and they do
everything and could schedule all doctor appointments mean it, unlike some Americans or Brits. When they yell at
without issue. It’s been four years, and two additional you, it’s most likely because they perceive you as being selfish
children, since I ran from the States to become an Israeli and not thinking of someone else first – even if it’s them.
citizen.

My first piece of advice to all people making aliyah is to run And the truth is, if you are lost, you can ask any Israeli and
to Israel, not to run away from something. I know this from they’ll give you an answer to help you out (it may not be
experience, since there was a lot of drama in my life when entirely helpful, but that’s a different issue). They’ll assist you
we left (that’s a story for another time). with your bike or stroller, sometimes without even asking
I’ve adjusted to Israel in many ways since the ‘Big Move’. I’ve (and it’s not because they’re hitting on you – they literally love
learned all about this country’s wackiness and bureaucracy, helping). Why is this? Simple.
its public transportation system and postal quirks, its general Israelis like to be heroes.
strengths and weaknesses. I’ve learned about its weather, when Yes. I’ll be the first to admit they are a bit chauvinistic,
to pack away clothing or bring out beach supplies; when is but remember, they are Mediterranean and surrounded by
the best time to go to the beach (Friday afternoon) and which obnoxious, threatening neighbours who make them always
beach to go to (that’s my secret). I’ve learned where to get the feel uneasy. They aren’t American, South African, British,
best hot dogs (Zalman’s in Jerusalem) and that Israelis take or any nationality with whom you are accustomed. They are
very seriously the “no talking on elevators” rule. Israeli. They are who they are; you are who you are.
I. THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL: SECRET HEROES

This past year was different. That’s not to say that I didn’t They’re raised to be heroes; it’s ingrained in them. They
travel around Israel and see Katzrin, wander around Tel Aviv, serve in an army that trains them that way; they learn to
and find old friends in Efrat. I did. But this year ended up protect civilians. They want to be heroes – even for the
different from the past three – instead of getting accustomed little stuff. I mean, who doesn’t? But really – Israelis live
to the land, I learned about the Israelis themselves (not for it. That’s my tip of the year. Want help? Make them feel
the olim). You see, everyone has an impression of Israelis. important when you ask for help. That’s it. As simple as that –
Typically, people describe them as brash, abrasive and don’t be an ass. Swallow whatever pride you have and just be
impatient. They are passionate, fierce, obnoxious and rude. a foreigner, a newcomer, an oleh, even four years in.
And yes, they are all of that… and more.

What? Israeli people are pushy? How about you experience a few genocides Remember that not only are you newish here, but they also
and see how laid back you are. We were banished from Spain. Thrown have to adjust to everyone constantly coming into their
out of there. They allow everyone in Spain. But for us, Jews, no flamenco, country. They also likely get frustrated that people they speak
get out. I’m pushy? Please. You stay there surrounded by your great enemy to, in their own country, may not understand them. Respect
Canada. Try Syria for two months, then we’ll see who’s pushy. the culture a tiny bit and ask: “Efshar ezrah?”

YALLA MAGAZINE 35

"I miss Spring and,
especially, Autumn
in Michigan. I miss

Sundays."

36 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

THE LAND OF OUR HERITAGE

They’ll jump to your rescue and act like it’s no biggie. But I miss not having to think when I have conversations with
make it a big deal. Say thank you, give a little smile, tilt your people anywhere, at any time, the pleasant treatment of
head. All they want is a molecule of recognition that they customers at a bank, open space, the ‘American-ness’ of
saved your world – or at least your day – and their chests things. I miss spring and, especially, autumn in Michigan.
will puff up a little. Do them, and yourself, a favour. Let your I miss Sundays.
guard down first. Trust me. Most will follow suit.

II. MY TWO HOMES: ODD FLAVOURS Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t move back. In the US, I was
Being here for four years also means that I have friends professionally stagnant; in Israel, I push myself to accomplish
and co-workers with whom I enjoy hanging out. Sharing more. In the US, I’d be paying an arm and a leg for a Jewish
doughnuts and ice-cream at lunch, splitting a bottle of wine education for my kids; in Israel, it’s practically free and highly
after the kids are in bed, a meal with cousins at Ca Phe rated (in our area). In the US, I’m not sure I could afford
Hanoi… I see the same people on the train and we chat health insurance; in Israel, the highest level of care cost us less
about work, the weather, lack of A/C on the train, our kids. than $100/month for the whole family. In the US, it’s easiest
I overhear conversations about politics that I’m starting to to travel within the country; from Israel, you can hop over to
understand, have chats with other mothers in Hebrew on Europe and experience international cultures.
a million WhatsApp groups, and feel comfortable enough Different friends of mine have hit the nail on the head. One
yelling at people in Hebrew, but choosing to do so in English captured the feeling completely. “Homesickness takes on an
(and not feeling ‘lesser’ because of it). odd flavour when you experience it while still feeling like you
are home.”

Being here four years means that Israel, kinda sorta feels Let that one soak in. Re-read that quote. It is quite intense
like home. I know several different ways to get home from and uncomfortably accurate.
the train station, can find my way around Netanya, Givat When you have two homes, you’re always missing something
Shmuel, and Tel Aviv, and where to find the best food in each or someone. It takes a special someone to be okay with that
of those cities. I have friends all over the country whom I miss on a daily basis and admit to themselves that, sometimes, it’s
and think of when I don’t speak to them regularly. day-to-day. For the rest of your life. So what do you do when
I also have friends left behind in the States who I miss very you’re constantly homesick wherever you are? I don’t know.
much. I miss being able to drive up and see their new houses, I honestly don’t know. But when I figure it out, if I do, you’ll
tea dates, meets on a lake, my Greek salads, my Starbucks be the first to know.
fraps, my Dunkin’ Donuts, my American pickles, and my fake, In the meantime, I’ll just say: I am home. I miss my home.
but delicious, gooey nacho cheese. I miss the Detroit/Canada And I think I’ll be okay.
fireworks, Royal Oak, driving down quiet roads, the sound
of pebbles crunching under my tires, crickets chirping in the
quiet, and the smell of worms.

TALYA DRISSMAN WOOLF is an American attorney by trade on her way to becoming an Israeli-licensed attorney.
An artist, writer, amateur photographer and mother to three energetic children, Talya is a complex four-year olah.
She is a politically conservative, socially liberal, Modern Orthodox Zionist whose goals are to shake up and dispel
assumptions and labels and live both life and Judaism to the fullest.





P R O A C T I V E LY
PLANNING FOR AN

AGEING
POPULATION

ISRAEL WANTS ITS ELDERLY CITIZENS TO GROW
OLD WITH ALL THE SUPPORT AN INNOVATIVE

NATION CAN OFFER.
MARC CODRON

FUTURE-PROOFING OUR HERITAGE

We all identify with Israel as the start-up nation, yet it took The government, which is focused on policy and regulation,
me seven years in the country to realise that I only knew half looks to this apolitical NGO to drive the country’s social
the reality. After making aliyah with my wife in 2004, just two innovation and development to prepare Israel for the ageing
months after tying the knot, I invested much of the first seven of its population.
years in the technological innovation nation.

A master’s degree in future studies from Bar-Ilan University Be it rehabilitation and re-ablement, dementia, financial
and years invested in financial advisory services had me literacy, digital literacy, planning and decision-making,
dealing with Israel’s hi-tech companies all pushing new employment, active ageing, the homebound, integrated
frontiers, seeking to become the next Facebook, Google or care, palliative care, warm homes, supportive communities,
Waze. guidance centres, therapeutic models for Holocaust survivors,
ageism, big data or technology – a day at the office now feels
quite different to the days of chasing corporates.

Then I was exposed to a lesser-known fact: that Israel was As I am completing penning this piece from my office in the
also the social innovation nation. And, as fate would have it, heart of Jerusalem, I have just come out of a meeting with
I made the switch from the world of technological innovation executives from the European Union in Brussels, who are
to social innovation, planning and developing models for looking to collaborate on issues of ageing.
Israel’s vulnerable populations.

If the dream had been not just returning home to Israel, In addition to hosting missions from the UK, US, Europe and
but about being counted and making a difference, this was South America to learn more about our service development,
it – actively developing Israel’s social infrastructure. No a number of JDC-Eshel’s models have already been adopted
longer was my day about chasing money; instead, it had been in countries from the US to Russia.
refocused on strengthening the social fabric of Israeli society.

More recently, my involvement has been focused on planning So, when you next reference Waze, the USB and drip
and developing models to enable older adults (over 65) to age irrigation as leading innovations that have originated in Israel,
with dignity and well-being at home within the community – social innovation can be included as well. We truly do serve as
the preferred alternative to institutions. an ohr l’goyim, a light unto the nations.

The ageing of the population is an issue that most First and With our own four sabra children (ages 4-13) who are ensuring
Second World countries are facing, and Israel is no different. their parents’ healthy and active ageing, our decision to make
With Israel’s older adult population of 1.1 million forecast aliyah from South Africa 15 years ago has proven to be a wise
to double in the coming two decades, the government has and meaningful decision of which we are proud.
identified the ageing of its population as one of the country’s As I said to my son Elnatan at his bar mitzvah: “Now that you
top six socio-economic challenges. are a mature member of the nation of Israel, be the one to put
That’s where JDC-Eshel is active. up your hand, be counted and make a meaningful difference.”

I wish that for us all.

MARC CODRON’s unique blend of business acumen and an unswerving commitment to helping his fellow Jews serves
him well in his position as JDC-Eshel’s director of Strategic Partnerships. Marc began his career working as a financial
analyst in the UK, and after moving to Israel, worked at global firms PwC and Deloitte as a financial consultant.
Marc has a BA in business management from the University of Cape Town, an MBA from the University of Wales
and an MA in future studies from Bar Ilan University. He lives in the south of Israel with his wife and four sabra children.

D m ye acrh may yalp,rmeciyyouobsuranveg wsoanr,rior

JAMIE RUBIN WRITES A HEARTFELT FAREWELL
TO HER SON AS HE HEADS BACK TO HIS
POSTING IN THE IDF.

LAND OF OUR HERITAGE

Thirty days of bliss and you’re off again! Planning what I want to say to you in my weekly Shabbat
bracha this week was different. Until recently, this happened
over WhatsApp video, but this week we had the honour and
the blessing of being together as a family, having you with us
A month of fun, parties, friends, family time, healing, love, in the flesh, in heart and spirit. As the countdown begins for
joy… cherished and gone so quickly. you to go back from civilian to soldier, in just a few short days,

I ask myself, what do I want to bless you with, what do I want
The same emotions flood through me, just as they did on the to say to you, my beautiful, brave chayal?
hot and sun-filled day when you, our brave son, drafted into
the IDF.
All I want to do is to thank you and all the young brave
women and men who keep our beloved Israel safe!
The pride; the fearTHE PRIDE; THE FEAR
That is why I thank you deeply…As you waved farewell today, your sister and I tried so hard,
That is why I thank you deeply…

unsuccessfully, to hold back our tears, and so did you. Thank you for protecting Israel.

Today’s separation brought me back to the feeling of Thank you for giving me the opportunity
28 July 2018. to bless you and surround you in light.
As we stepped away from the hundreds of newly recruited
draftees, Israeli parents, friends and family members saying Thank you for the many nights you do not
their goodbyes, the fathers’ brachot and the mothers’ prayers sleep.
could almost be touched in the air. The one big difference,
the vast majority of boys have to do this, but you don’t, you Thank you for giving me a reason to truly
choose this! pray with so much passion.

Thank you for giving me an opportunity
to put my faith in the one.

Thank you for standing tall in the face
of those who want to kill.

Your dad and I looked at each other in a daze, an unspoken Thank you for the many mornings you
acknowledgment that this is real. You are really doing this! get up very early to defend us.

I vividly remember the backdrop of blue and white flags that Thank you for the nights you search
blew in the wind, as bus after bus drove off with boys. You for those who trespass.
and your platoon were last. On that day, you turned from an
individual into a soldier, the contrast of the one to become Thank you for the nights you stand guard.
we – represented by a sea of green young men. Something so
far from our imagination was happening, and although feeling Thank you for the nights you sit in the
emotionally drained, united, terrified and at the same time fields just waiting.
inspired, we were deeply moved and touched that we had the
blessing to bring you to this day. Thank you for the 14+ hour days you spend
washing floors, cleaning pots and helping
to prepare in the kitchen so other soldiers
can eat.

Thank you for the early mornings you train
without much sleep.

YALLA MAGAZINE 43

LAND OF OUR HERITAGE

Why do I cry?Thank you for your strength

without your own familiar
Thank you for the miles you have Why do I cry?
to run, and the weight you have
to lift. surroundings and language. Why do I feel such pride?

Thank you for the many long bus Thank you for being brave in the Why do I feel such fear?
journeys you take up and down hard times. Why do I feel such love?
the country, during all hours of
Thank you for continuing to shine Why do I feel such pain?
early morningsthe early morning and late nights. your inner light on all those you Why do I feel so much?
come into contact with, even when
Thank you for running up you feel dark inside. Perhaps it’s because we live in
mountains in the dark, and a world that is so uncertain.
running through the endless humilityThank you for your humility; you Perhaps it’s because what happens every
deserts in the heat. day in Israel is so uncertain, and that
don’t see how your soul shines so makes me feel afraid.
Thank you for enduring the rain brightly, and the bright light that But knowing you are not afraid gives me
all night, and for coping with mud is within you shines. the strength to push through my fear.
up to your knees. Maybe the tears are connected to the
Thank you for being a positive role feeling of pride that makes me endure
Thank you for picking yourself model for your siblings and the the pain of the separation and the
up, washing off those red boots rest of the world. absence we feel every time you go away.
and starting again in the morning. Are you happy? Is it all you had hoped
Thank you for demonstrating to it to be? I don’t know.
taking careThank you for taking care your friends what a true Jewish But what I do know is that you believed
army looks like. you should do this and you did it. Your
and standing guard in places desire to do this took you to this place
surrounded by those who hate. Thank you for your worry and and you are doing it so well.
your concern that we are missing I know that you do all this because you
Thank you for guarding in the you. want to be part of something that is
middle of the night in places greater than yourself, something that
both populated and remote. Thank you for being a peaceful will help your brothers and your sisters
so they don’t have to be afraid!
Thank you for enduring the sacrificingwarrior.
loneliness without family to Each time we speak and I say so long for
care for you and hug you when Thank you for sacrificing two now, it brings a new dimension to love.
you get released. years of your life for a larger
cause. I have said the worst and most painful
Thank you for keeping going when goodbyes to three of the six most
you feel tired and you still need to Thank you for staying firm in your important men in my life (my Poppy, my
figure out what to do and where beliefs, despite the frightening Daddy and my beloved brother Steven).
to go on Shabbat without us. (And challenges.
I know all you want to do is sleep.)
Thank you for your kindness to
Thank youThank you for seeing the positive the young, the old, to the sick and
when you have to stay in the army to the weak.
for chag, when we have flown 3 000
miles to be with you and you can’t As I thank you, the tears start to flow
get out. without welcome. These tears are the
tears that only a mother of a soldier
Thank you for being positive and understands, the tears seem to come
strong without a home, without from nowhere, they just start to flow
your own things and your own bed. uncontrollably from the depths, and
I ask myself why?

44 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

One would think that having had so much loss so young, the
experience of such finite separation should have made me
strong, hardened me in some way. One may think it would
make it all somehow so much easier to let you go today, and
the comfort of knowing you are truly following your dream,
the dream of the Jewish people, the dream of safety and
security for all of Am Yisrael would soften the separation, but
the truth is that today still seems so difficult.
Our five-some goes back to a foursome till we see you next.
Our lead singer is on another journey for a while.
Thank you for all this and because you have the hope that
one day, it will no longer be necessary to sacrifice so much,
and we will all finally live in peace.

We are so proud!We are so proud!

May G-d bless all of you, our brave and beautiful children.
May G-d keep you safe and may you and your fellow soldiers
live long lives and be a blessing to Am Yisrael!
Feeling blessed and also a little incomplete.
Thank you, my brave boy!

I love you.I love you.

JAMIE RUBIN was born and raised in New York and has lived in Israel, London and Arizona, where she graduated
from Art School. Jamie is a working mother, studies ceramics and runs her own jewellery design business. In July 2018,
Jamie’s oldest son joined the IDF and has been serving in Kfir as a lone combat soldier.

THE

unbroken

CHAIN

IT’S CRUCIAL TO INSTIL IN OUR CHILDREN
THE IMPORTANCE OF OUR ANCESTRY AND OF
KEEPING THE LINKS CONNECTED AND GROWING.

MIMI MEYER

OUR HERITAGE

Seated in the hairdresser’s chair, I was told by my In Judaism, we are given the prime objective of pru urvu –
longstanding beautician: “I always knew that I never wanted be fruitful and multiply. G-d told us to have children. That
to have kids.” I remember looking in the mirror, trying to fix really is enough for me. However, what are some of the
my expression to one of casual nonchalance, as opposed to other reasons people choose to have children? Since I started
the shocked discomfort that I actually felt. thinking about it, I knew there were more reasons why I
She continued: “Yeah, why put myself – my body – through personally would want to have children. Some are selfless and
that? Also, I know I’d be a terrible mother. I know some others probably could seem to be selfish. First and foremost,
people think that is a politically incorrect thing to say, but for me, is the fact that it is a mitzvah.
why bring children into this world, seriously?” Secondly, there is a part of most of us that wants to fit in with
My mind was thinking: “What?!” but my voice said: “Yes, the crowd. In our community, the usual pathway in life is to
I totally understand, it isn’t for everybody.” get married and have children. I saw that and wanted that for
myself, as did many of my friends. We have a human desire to
fit in. Having children probably, even subconsciously, is part
of that drive.

That afternoon at the hairdresser made me rethink a concept I also realised that I was insanely interested in seeing what
I thought was a given. My whole life I grew up thinking, my offspring would look like, and what they would be like.
knowing, expecting and wanting to have children. I had Would their personalities be like mine or my husband? Would
assumed the whole world felt this way. I mean, if we all they get my brown eyes or my husband’s blue eyes? Sense of
decided differently, there would be an existential catastrophe. humour, book smarts, street smarts, musical ability?
I can understand some people might be hesitant, or perhaps What are my children going to do when they grow up? Who
want to travel the world, live their life and then eventually will they marry? It is perhaps a profound sense of curiosity
settle down and have a family. However, being in a long-term, that makes us want to have children, just to see who and what
stable relationship and actively choosing not to have children they will become.
was something I not could relate to. I don’t judge anyone for
making such a decision, I just feel so differently that I knew
it would take time for me to be able to digest this approach
to life.

In taking my question to the internet, I was astounded A further argument to bringing a child into this world is to
to find a heated debate. Many people spoke vehemently be able to love and give to another person. They say there is
about their right to choose to be ‘child-free’, many stating no bond like a mother to her child. It is seen in the animal
reasons like those of my hairdresser. There were, however, kingdom as well. Seemingly harmless animals become vicious
even more reasons given: It is not environmentally friendly attackers when their young are threatened. To be able to give
to have children in this eco-conscious world. The world of yourself in such a deep and worthwhile way fills life with
is overpopulated and the earth cannot sustain any more meaning.
population growth. Also, a child is a huge financial burden. There is a major responsibility and burden attached to caring
Some people want to live their lives without this responsibility. for children. Sleepless nights when they are babies for feeding
I felt like there were a lot of mixed messages. Is it selfish or and changing; sleepless nights when they are teenagers and
selfless to bring a child into the world? out past curfew; sleepless nights when they are fully grown
and they need our support financially, mentally and spiritually.
There is a whole lot of giving going on, and even without any
discernible immediate reward, we don’t care, because of that
strong unbreakable love.

YALLA MAGAZINE 47

OUR HERITAGE

Another reason, probably one of the most compelling, is the There are obviously different schools of thought. Some
need to carry on our lineage. We want the next generation parents find that by sheltering their children, the kids will love
to perpetuate what we have brought in to the world, so that their heritage because it is the only world they know. Other
a little bit of ourselves remains eternal. This is a particularly parents feel that if you love something, set it free… and hope
Jewish concept: “I am not just myself; I am a link in a chain. it comes back to you. There is a middle ground, however.
I am taking what my parents have handed to me and I am
bequeathing it to my children, who in turn will pass it on to
their children.”
Show your children how much the Torah life means to you.
Live the Torah life yourself. Don’t disparage it as too strict or
old-fashioned or not keeping up with the times. Show them
We do not live in a vacuum. We are a product not just of our that your heritage is something to be cherished in everything
environment, but also our families. We become who we are you do, even the mundane things give you an opportunity to
because of the gifts of our forebears. As Sir Isaac Newton bring G-d’s gift into your life. When eating a family meal, say
said: “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders grace after meals (teaching gratitude is never old-fashioned).
of giants.” Those giants are When going on a family
our family members who “My whole life I grew vacation, search for the best
came before us. We have ways to get kosher food (it’s
come this far only because of sometimes not easy, but
what our parents did to get up thinking, knowing, never impossible – thank

us here. It is our job to take you Chabad). When going
that and pass it down to our
expecting and wanting through a difficult time –
own children. Our heritage maybe a health issue or
is a special one. We are to have children. I had a financial one – let your
privileged, through the light children see you pray. Let
of the Torah, to see where them see that you have
we come from. We have been assumed the whole brought G-d into your life in
given a legacy that makes us every respect; that He is not
want to pass it on to future just a construct; that religion
generations. Not only do we world felt this way.” is not just an “opium for the

not want to break the chain, masses”; that there is a place
we want to be the solid link that holds it together. in your daily life for Judaism and its beautiful heritage.

How do we do this? How can we instil in our children this Our children are bombarded every day by influences like
same desire to safeguard our legacy? It is not enough for social media, celebrities, books and movies, and the general
us to want this – we need to infuse this fiery determination theme expounded is that it is all up to them – they can be
in our children. When our children are young, we start by anything they want to be, they can do anything they want
sending them to Jewish schools and singing Jewish songs with to do. Forget the government, forget the authorities, forget
them. We show them Shabbat in our homes and teach them anyone or anything who stops them from getting what they
the laws we live by. Young children are easy to teach; their want. Parents, teachers, police, politicians are all considered
parents are their world, so they accept what we do as truth. the baddies. How can a child without any role models
As teenagers and young adults, how can we keep that fire navigate through life with any sense of clarity?
burning, when all they want to do is the opposite of what we My advice is to be a living example. We must show our
teach them? (Personally, I feel it is better to say nothing at all children how to take advantage of the gift we have been
and hope that my position as mother and role model will be given. They can be all they want to be within the rules that
enough to keep my kids on the straight and narrow.) keep them on course. Show them a positive authority figure.

48 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

Show them you are a strong link in a chain, and they can grandchildren and great grandchildren (Im Yirtzah Hashem)
be one too. And it is a privilege, not a burden. Show them to retain. I want them to know of our successes, learn from
love, not disappointment. Show them the beauty, not the our mistakes, enjoy the fruits of our labours and reap the
hatred. Show them opportunity, not oppressiveness. This will benefits of our world. They cannot do that without us
help them to carry on the traditions that you have proudly teaching them and passing down our mesorah (transmission
inherited from your parents and grandparents. of our tradition) to them.

We have a beautiful, rich history that was handed down We are all links in a magnificent priceless chain. There may
from our ancestors through the generations. We have also be those who don’t feel the beauty or the importance of our
been given the task of “veshinantem levanecha – teach it to traditions. And if you don’t appreciate it, you won’t see the
your children”. Our role as a link in the chain is not just to point in sharing it further. If you cherish the precious and
“be fruitful and multiply”, it goes further. We must actively invaluable richness of the chain, all you want to do is continue
show and educate our children how our traditions and our adding to the links in that chain.
heritage make us who we are. We can do this by qualifying As Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks says in Will we have Jewish
the message they are constantly hearing in the media about grandchildren? “The secret of Jewish continuity is that no people
how the future is theirs, with how it can only be theirs if they has ever devoted more of its energies to continuity. The focal
learn from their past. Let’s teach our children to look at their point of Jewish life is the transmission of a heritage across the
parents and grandparents as benefactors of a huge treasure. generations. Time and again in the Torah, we are drawn to
The treasure may come with strings attached, but think of dramas of the next generation. Judaism’s focus is its children.”
what they can do with all that wealth!

I know that I want a part of me to live on through my My hairdresser may not agree with me, but selfish or selfless,
children – I am not ashamed to say that. I also want a part our heritage is a chain of which I want to be an enduring link.
of my parents and their parents to live on. It is more than
just a name or a physical trait that I want my children and

MIMI MEYER has a degree in psychology and is a graduate of Michlala Jerusalem College for Women, as well as
the Susi Bradfield Fellowship Programme. She has taught limudei kodesh, community studies, a life skills course and
psychology enrichment at Hasmonean High School, as well as at LSJS on the Kolot Bat Mitzvah programme. She has
been giving shiurim on various topics to women's groups for over 10 years. She is wife to Rabbi David Meyer (executive
director of PaJeS) and a mother to five wonderful children.

EXPLORING
YOUR
CREATIVE
STREAK