Parenting in Times of COVID -19

Parenting in Times of
COVID -19

Olga Zilberberg
Parenting Practitioner
CBT and NLP Practitioner
www.olgaz.co.uk
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Agenda Helping our Children during COVID-19
• Reassurance
• Data and information
• Children emotions
• Worries and fears

Managing our own worries and stress
• Five Primary Domains of stress
• Use of language
• Minimising the impact
• Self care

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Don’t be afraid to talk about it!
How to talk to your kids about

COVID-19

Reassurance • Reassure your child, we know what to do to
keep safe and healthy.

• Make sure they understand government
guidelines of social distancing, staying at home,
separation from school, family and friends.

• Focus on the positives of the situation. Make
uncertainty exciting for the children.

• Focus on what you are doing to keep safe and
healthy. Children feel empowered when they
have certain control over a situation.

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Locus of Control I Cannot Control
I Can Control
How If others
others follow
behave guidelines

How Following Recommendations How long
others this will
react Fun things News Intake last

to do at Closed
home How I use my time Shops and
restaurants
Contact friends

Others’ Feelings Queues in the
shops

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Data and • Figure out how much they know, where they
Information obtain information from and help them with
accurate data by correcting inaccurate
information.

• Use factual information from verifiable sources.
• Consume the news first and adapt it to your

child’s age and temperament.
• Do not share too much information so you don’t

overwhelm them.
• Keep sharing appropriate information, let them

know that you will keep them updated as soon
as you can. If children feel you are hiding
information, they will get afraid.

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Your Use of • Be mindful of the language that you use around your
Language Matters children. We are modeling for our children how to
respond to this situation. Avoid using language that
sounds threatening.

• Safeguard them from negative sites which use
catastrophizing vocabulary. Be a shock absorbent
between your child and TV, News, Social media sites.

• Avoid sentences like “we are trapped indoors”, “We are
stuck at home”, “Lockdown”.

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Social or Physical Empathy will set you free!
Distancing?
• Talk about Social Responsibility to keep
everyone safe. This gives them a sense of
purpose.

• Hold onto the positives i.e more family time,
more nature walks, more family meals, catch up
on movies, games, learning something new.

• Enhance positive experiences that can be a
buffer between the current situation and your
child’s mood.

• Physical isolation doesn’t have to be isolating.
Use technology to connect, it is vital!

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Allow Children to • It is natural that children will have questions and
Express Emotions worries about Coronavirus. Take cues from your
child and answer what they ask you, be factual.
Invite them to ask you questions.

• Help them verbalize worries. Talking in third
person helps, writing notes back and forth.

• If worries relate to others (e.g. grandparents),
encourage them to connect to those people e.g.
texting, phoning, using skype/facetime so they
see they are well.

• Ask: How big are your feelings about …School
closure, not seeing friend, virus?.

• Remind your children that you are ready to
listen to their worries. Make them feel seen and
heard.

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Misbehaviours, Defiance?

Our children are very angry, sad, frustrated and
disappointed. In our children’s lives, these
events are major disruptions. Allow time for
grieving and processing.

Anger Fear, stress, Sadness, Acceptance Adaptation
Rage, Defiance worry Hopelessness,
Tears of Futility

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Window of Tolerance

When we are thrown out of our
Window of Tolerance, we need to
find ways to get back in.

P – Perspective
A – Awareness
T – Tools that we always

use.
H – Healing which is being

able to fulfill our
needs.
S – Self Empowerment -
The one step that I can
take in this very
moment that is going
to bring me closer to
calmness, joy.

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Meeting our Children’s Needs

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Targeting Fears and • Listen to their fears and worries and
Worries acknowledge them. Be curious ask open
questions: What do you worry about? What
makes you feel that way? What scares you?.

• Do not minimize or dismiss their worries,
children need to be heard and seen.
Acknowledge that it is normal to feel worried as
it is a difficult time for everyone.

• Encourage them to notice their worry but not to
engage with it. It is hard to control what pops
into our heads, avoiding saying “Don’t think
about it”.

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Practice Presence

BOTH AND Technique :“Yes, it is worrying and scary and we
are going to make the most of it and enjoy our walk”.

“We acknowledge scary stuff, but then we want
to expand our perspective to include the
goodness happening right now, too.”
–
Susan Kaiser Greenland

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The Worry Tree The worry tree helps us effectively deal with worrying
thoughts.
Worrying thoughts can be split into two categories:

• Hypothetical situations: "what if...?" thoughts
about some terrible event that might happen.
These thoughts are usually followed by imagining
what would happen in those worst-case scenarios.

• Current problems: They are those worries that
relate to a real situation, that we CAN do
something about. In which case we can decide
when, how and what we can do about it instead of
worrying about it.

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The Worry Tree

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The Worry Jar

A Worry Jar is a place for your child to put their
worries so that they do not need to keep
thinking about them. It is like storing them or
putting them away for safe keeping.
Just knowing that their worries are contained in
the jar can free your child from having to replay
them in their minds.

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Worry Time Technique

Four steps to doing this worry time
technique:

1.Decide on the worry time period
2.Set aside your worries
3.Use coping strategies and

mindfulness activities to return to the
present moment
4.Use that designated worry time to
discuss the worries

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Stopp Strategy

Stop Pause for a moment!
Take A deep breath in. Focus
Observe on the breathing.
’What am I feeling in my
Perspective body?’
Practice ‘What am I reacting to?’
‘What is another way of
looking at it?’
Engaging the senses and
my coping skills

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Manage your Own • Notice when you are struggling with unproductive
Worries anxiety and worry. Uncertainty can make all of us
feel anxious. Identify when you are catastrophizing
and futurizing, Acknowledge it is hard, use self care.

• Model healthy behavior on how to deal with your
anxiety and stress. Show your children step by step
what you do to reassure yourself.

• Model a Healthy Media Diet. Limit your own the
intake of information to decrease the exposure to
toxic worry and anxiety. Look after your
psychological immune system.

• Manage your stress levels. Talk to other adults about
your own worries.

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Five Primary Domains of
Stress

Dr Stuart Shanker www.self-Reg.ca

Name it, Tame it

• Stating the emotion we are having helps to
reengage the prefrontal cortex and we begin
to think more clearly.

• When we deny our emotion, we make the
stress response stronger and longer.

• Naming emotions help to build new neural
pathways of understanding our emotions and
learning how to deal with them effectively.

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Minimizing the • Stick to a routine to maintain some
Impact predictability. Structure days with
regular meal times and bed times.

• Have some plan or schedule but try
to be flexible and not overschedule
your children.

• Be sure there is a quiet place for
everyone in the house they can retire
to.

• Have one to one time with each child
to balance individual needs . Quality
is more important than quantity, 15
minutes of focused time will go a
long way.

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Self care for • Take a Break, Keep Perspective, Be
Everyone Kind to yourself.

• Be at your best by giving yourself
permission to adapt to the new
situation. Practice self care by taking
time off.

• Be patient while you find your new
rhythm and your new normal in the
current situation.

• Children need time to process the
current situation. Help them feel
seen, safe, soothed and secure.

olgaztherapy@gmai

Self care for • Following Governmental guidelines,
Everyone take time to go outdoors. There is
research that shows that being in
nature reduces stress, improves
mood, improves cognitive
functioning.

• When possible use malleable
materials to be creative,.

• Colouring (Colour Therapy) is a good
way to relax, connect with your child
and allow time for talking.

• Drawing, writing, journaling are good
coping skills.

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Resources Child Mind Institute

https://childmind.org/article/talking-to-kids-
about-the-coronavirus/

Unicef
https://www.unicef.org/coronavirus/6-ways-
parents-can-support-their-kids-through-
coronavirus-covid-19

Dealing with Anxiety and Overwhelm
https://vimeo.com/397534787

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Resources British Psychological Society
https://www.bps.org.uk/news-and-
policy/bps-highlights-importance-
talking-children-about-coronavirus
OCD UK
https://www.ocduk.org/ocd-and-
coronavirus-survival-tips/

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Thank you!

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