BN1 MAGAZINE DECEMBER 2019

BN1 MAGAZINE

THE GUIDE

TO BRIGHTON & HOVE

DEC 2019

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Your Music Career
Starts Here

Join the most exciting industry in the world

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Welcome to the December edition of BN1 Magazine...

It’s been a funny old year, and here’s just a few of the things we were talking about: Colleen Rooney
PI. Prince Andrew not sweating. Brexit not happening. Fleabag’s hot priest. Boris Johnson bluffing.
GOT finally ending - Likewise Big Bang Theory. England winning the Cricket World Cup. Brexit not
happening. Hands free Keanu Reeves. Queen Olivia Coleman. Another royal baby. Sub-2 hour
marathon. Trump impeachment. Joke., England lose Rugby World Cup. RIP Rip Thorn. No more
PPI ads! First 5G phones. Brexit not happening. Sandra Oh bowing. 10 Year Challenge. England
Women lose Football World Cup. Lizzo played the flute. RIP Toni Morrison. Kevin Hart’s driving.
Killing Eve 2. England lose Netball World Cup. What will 2020 bring? Damned if we know. Nothing
is certain anymore. Hopefully a better government!

NEWSDESK/ EDITOR IN CHIEF: CONTRIBUTORS:
GENERAL ENQUIRIES: CHRIS SADLER Charlotte Beldham / Louisa Streeting /
[email protected] Jess English / City Books Team /
BN1 MAGAZINE Simon Lightfoot / Thom Punton /
Unit 28, Floor 6, EDITOR: Carly-May Kavanagh / Kahina Bouhassane
New England House, STUART ROLT William Clay / John Burton / Mark Davis
New England Street, [email protected] Josie Kennedy
Brighton,
BN1 4GH MARKETING & SALES: COVER: BURNING THE CLOCKS
01273 022991 [email protected] ARTWORK BY GRAHAM CARTER
[email protected] Louisa Streeting

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electronic or mechanical device (printed, written or oral), unless permission in writing is obtained from the copyright proprietor. All textual content, design

graphics, images and specific photographs used in the magazine are copyright © BN1 Media Ltd 2019.
BN1 Magazine has taken every reasonable care to ensure the information contained within this periodical is accurate on the date of publication. It is advisable
that you verify any information before relying upon it. BN1 Magazine accepts no responsibility for the consequences of error or for any damage or loss suffered

by users of the information, materials or third parties featured within this magazine.

6-8 News

10 Bad Cracker Jokes

12 WIN Party Package for 4

© By Andrew Hasson 14 Aitch interview

16 Music Previews

18 Pizzagirl interview

7 19 Sustainable Christmas
20 Xmas TV guide

22 Sirona Thorneycroft interview

23 December film guide

24 BN1’s Christmas quiz

26 Truth? Dare?

28 Pier Nine launch

29 Lava Elastic interview

45 30 Comedy guide

19 32 Al Murray interview

20 34 Theatre guide

36 Cosy Spots guide

38 Shop local guide

40 Regency Town House

41 The Good Books List

42 Dover Castle review

32 43 Christmas granola recipe

44 Festive facts

36 45 Mulled wine recipes
46 Crossword - WIN £25 voucher

6
10

14

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bn1magazine.co.uk 5

NEWS

© Simon Dack

BURNING THE CLOCKS 2019

STARTS ON NEW ROAD // SAT 21 DEC, 6.30PM

A spectacular and unique community event, Burning Since 1993, Burning the Clocks has brought an uplifting
the Clocks brings the whole city together to mark the antidote to the excesses of a commercial Christmas.
shortest day of the year. It sees local people construct Each lantern maker is part of the show, investing their
paper and willow lanterns, then parade through the city. lanterns with their wishes, hopes, and fears and then
It not only lights up Brighton’s darkest night, but offers a passing them into a huge bonfire on Brighton beach.
time for reflection and thought, who are we? Where have
we been? Where are we going? What do we want for our This year’s theme is a reflective one, responding to
City? the current challenges of global warming, community
cohesion and migration. The title is taken from Marcel
This iconic parade hosts 2,000 participants, with a Proust's masterpiece "A la recherche du temps
further 20,000 spectators, but relies on fundraising and perdu". The theme relates to
the support of local businesses to cover rising running shared memories, lost things,
costs. A crowdfunding scheme has been launched, things we want to keep and
rewarding people with different prizes based on donation treasure and moments that
size. These include fabulous personalised lanterns for we hold dear and that have
the parade, limited-edition A2 prints of our incredible "made us". Above all how we
cover by local artist Graham Carter and many gifts from all have a common humanity
local businesses. Donors can also receive VIP passes forged by sharing our lives,
to watch the event from a prime location on the beach. loves and memories.
A range of restaurants across the city are also offering
dining experiences for people donating between £105 Find out more, at:
and £155, including Chilli Pickle, Kooks, Terre a Terre,
Moshimo and The Ivy in the Lanes, while Brighton Dome www.crowdfunder.co.uk/
is offering four tickets to the Super Sunday Christmas burning-the-clocks-2019
show to the person that donates £135 or more.
Limited-edition A2 Print
6 bn1magazine.co.uk By Graham Carter

A MAGICAL WINTER ROYAL PAVILION
WONDERLAND ICE RINK

BRIGHTON MARINA ROYAL PAVILION // 2 NOV - 19 JAN
FRI 20 – TUES 24 DEC MON-SUN 10AM - 10PM

A family extravaganza is heading to Brighton Marina this © By Andrew Hasson
winter. This free, fully immersive experience is inspired
by two popular family Christmas films. It’ll see the Village Bring out your inner Torvill and Dean this winter, as
transformed into a fantasy world where you’ll walk through Brighton stunning ice rink returns to the grounds of
a tree-lined route, through the Wardrobe and into a Frozen The Royal Pavilion. Set in the shadow of Brighton &
world. Children can interact with Princesses, Snowmen, Hove’s most recognisable building, this is a spectacular
Lions, Fauns and Ice Queens, have their photo taken and backdrop for some skating fun. Suitable for all skill
dress up as their favourite character. levels, this is the perfect festive activity for a cold winter’s
evening. The attraction’s ever-popular bar and restaurant
There’ll be snow machines, food and drink stalls selling hot has also returned, offering a twinkling, romantic, child-
chocolate, mulled wine, roasted chestnuts and lots of other friendly, rink-side eatery with that incredible view…
Christmas-inspired themes, as well as rides for the children.
Throughout the day there will be onstage performances with
the characters and music from bands and choirs plus a free
daily raffle with great prizes!

CHESTNUT TREE HOUSE – THE
SNOWMAN™ SPECTACULAR
CHRISTMAS APPEAL 2019

"Our son Theo lived for 6 weeks and 2 days. We spent the
last month of his short life together at CTH children’s hospice.
It felt like home. There were no sterilised corridors, tubes,
or machines beeping. A lovely nurse greeted us, and gave
Theo a brand-new cot and teddy bear.

CTH showed us how to care for Theo. Thanks to them we can
remember the times we fed him, changed him, sang songs,
took him to the zoo. Every day at CTH became a precious
memory.

Today I’d like to ask for your help in bringing a spectacular
experience to all the children this wonderful local charity will
be caring for this Christmas.

The Snowman™ leads the campaign to find the £116,450
CTH will spend on care for children over the holidays. One
hour’s nursing care costs £35.70. A gift from you could allow
another child, another family, to have precious moments
together, that will become treasured memories. To donate,
visit: www.justgiving.com/Chestnut-Christmas-2019. Every
best wish to you and your family," Chantelle.

BRIGHTON'S BIG THE TREASON SHOW:
SLEEP OUT THAT WAS THE YEAR
THAT WAS ’19
SAT 7 DEC // HOVE LAGOON
FRI 27 – MON 30 DEC
The global fight against homelessness continues. THE OLD SHIP HOTEL
Raising awareness and funds to tackle the issue both
locally and internationally, The World's Big Sleep Out is It’s been a quiet year in British culture and politics, so
asking people to spend just one night under the stars The Treason Show are taking December off. Not really,
as an act of solidarity. Taking place on Sat 7 Dec at 2019 has been absurd on a number of levels, and The
Hove Lagoon, the local strand will be splitting money Treason Show have been tearing into the great and
raised equally between Sussex charities helping rough the not so good. Now they present their That Was The
sleepers and people suffering from homelessness and Year That Was ’19 show. A compilation of the best bits
organisations helping some of the 70.1 million people from the last few months, plus a few surprises and a
displaced globally. bit of festive cheer. This much-loved local institution is a
satirical show which pulls no punches. Now they present
The aim is to raise a target of $50,000,000 through the a review of a somewhat turbulent year, one laden with
World’s Big Sleep Out campaign. It’s estimated this madness and mayhem in the worlds of politics, news
would go on to help around 1,000,000 homeless and and sport – so halcyon days for The Treason Show.
displaced people. Homelessness in the west is currently
at crisis point and steadily worsening. Sleeping on the We saw the end of the Maybot and the arrival of a new
streets damages mental and physical health. dog in Downing Street (and Dylan). Trump continuing to
be madder than a box of frogs, whilst Obi Wan Corbyn
As well as local groups, Big Sleep Out are working is shunned as leader of a rebel alliance by new Lib Dem
with UNICEF USA to support children and families who leader 'Yoda’ Swinson. Also, The Queen was lied to, her
are displaced. Today’s refugee and migrant crisis is husband Phil the Greek took up ‘old banger’ racing and
the worst since World War II. Millions of children and Arlene Foster’s drag tribute to Rev Ian Paisley. And all
families have been driven from their homes by conflict, this without even mentioning the ‘B’ word! Yes, that too,
poverty or disaster and far too many encounter danger, plus of course the ’small’ matter of a General Election.
detention, deprivation and discrimination on their These times are what The Treason Show is for, they’ll
journeys. make you laugh your troubles away.

Find out more at bigsleepout.com

BRIGHTON England’s largest arts festival is back from 1-31 May. If you’d like to perform
FRINGE 2020 at the Fringe, time is running out to register, with 17 January being the
deadline to do so. This year there are 20 bursaries being offered to new
1-31 MAY // CITY WIDE and returning participants, providing a total of over £19,000 to help put on
FRIENDS OF FRINGE an event and launch a career in the arts. This includes our very own BN1
bursary. You can become a Friend of Brighton Fringe to receive exclusive
8 bn1magazine.co.uk offers as well as year-round deals throughout Brighton. For details of all the
above and more, visit: https://www.brightonfringe.org/

© Husker Du, oil, paper on canvas, 2004

OIB GIG TICKETS WILL MAKE A GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENT!

METZ FRIDAY 6TH DECEMBER // CHALK
STEALING SHEEP SATURDAY 7TH DECEMBER // CHALK

NO SLEEP PODCAST WEDNESDAY 8TH JANUARY // KOMEDIA

SHOVELS & ROPE WEDNESDAY 29TH JANUARY // KOMEDIA
THE FELICE BROTHERS FRIDAY 31ST JANUARY // THE OLD MARKET
VANT FRIDAY 31ST JANUARY // PATTERNS
WIRE SATURDAY 1ST FEBRUARY // CHALK
TRANSATLANTIC SESSIONS SATURDAY 8TH FEBRUARY // BRIGHTON DOME
ROSIE LOWE TUESDAY 18TH FEBRUARY // PATTERNS
KIEFER SUTHERLAND FRIDAY 21ST FEBRUARY // CHALK
ALICE BOMAN SUNDAY 23RD FEBRUARY // LATEST MUSIC BAR
MIKAL CRONIN SATURDAY 29TH FEBRUARY // THE HOPE & RUIN
ANDY SHAUF SUNDAY 22ND MARCH // CHALK
SON LITTLE FRIDAY 27TH MARCH // PATTERNS
CARIBOU MONDAY 30TH MARCH // BRIGHTON DOME
LOWKEY WEDNESDAY 8TH APRIL // CHALK
ORCHARDS SATURDAY 11TH APRIL // CHALK
DEVON WELSH TUESDAY 14TH APRIL // THE HOPE & RUIN
GIANT ROOKS TUESDAY 5TH MAY // CHALK
LEVELLERS WEDNESDAY 13TH MAY // WHITE ROCK THEATRE, HASTINGS

TICKETS FOR ALL SHOWS AVAILABLE @ SEETICKETS.COM

MAKE YOUR OWN CRACKERS AND FILL
BADTHEM WITH OUR
What’s E.T. short for? He’s got short legs.

CRACKER
JOKESWho
hides in a bakery at Christmas? A cWahleynidsaitrsg?eTtthinegirsdoahyasradretonbuumybAedrevde.nt
mince spy.

How does Darth Vader like his How did the cheese maker paint
Christmas turkey? On the dark side. his wife? He Double Gloucester.

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis.

What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive? "One day my prints will come!"

How did Mary and Joseph work Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught.
out that baby Jesus was 7lb 8oz? What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes.
They had a weigh in a manger.

What happened to Father Christmas when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.

How much did Father
Christmas pay for his
What kind of car do elves like to drive? A Toy-ota. sleigh? Nothing, it was

on the house.

What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner? Roast twerky.

What’s the most popular Christmas carol in the Sahara Desert? Oh camel
What does Father Christmas do with
ye faithful.

fat elves? Sends them to an elf farm.

What's a horse's favourite TV program? Neigh-bours.

What do you call someone that Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred.
doesn’t believe in Father Christmas? (That’s factually correct too, as well as dynamite word play).
A rebel without a Claus. (Bah-humbug What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.
is also an acceptable answer).

Why does Father Christmas have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer.
How will Brexit change Christmas dinner? There’ll be no Brussels!

7 days a week, anytime
(Add £2.50 for Patty Pils Lager)

Patty & Bun | 56 Ship St | BN1 1AF | 01273 729388
pattyandbun.co.uk [email protected]

@pattyandbunjoe @pattyandbun

*conditions apply

WAXIENTPHARROTWY PINACGKAANGDEM: EESACLAPFOERRO4!OM GAME,

On the first Thursday of every month, Buckbuck Games characters, solve clues, complete secret missions, even
(described as being “Crystal Maze on crystal meth”) are compete in the beauty pageant!
welcomed inhouse by North Laine Brewhouse to provide
customers with an immersive and interactive BN1, together with Buckbuck Games and North Laine
experience like no other, The Hunt for the Brewhouse, are offering the chance for you and
Smoking Caterpillar. Throw yourselves three friends to enjoy this madcap adventure, as
down the rabbit hole for an hour, as well as a meal and an axe-throwing session!
you undertake an adventure that This prize, worth nearly £200, can be yours
combines immersive theatre, escape for free, simply by answering the following
room clues, murder mystery, and question, by the end of December. To
hilarious team activities as you take enter, head to: www.bn1magazine.co.uk.
on curious challenges in a bid to find Terms and conditions apply.
the Smoking Caterpillar.
Who wrote the classic 1865 novel, Alice's
Become a Wonderhunter and receive
your welcome drink from the Baron Adventures in Wonderland?
of New Wonderland, plus a sack full of A) Lewis Carroll B) Andy Carroll
golds with which you may trade, bid, bribe,
barter and blackmail. Your team may employ C) Carol Vorderman
numerous strategies to hunt down ‘Russell’ the
caterpillar, search through cryptic boxes, interrogate curious For more information on The Hunt for the Smoking
Caterpillar, Axe throwing and North Laine Brewhouse visit
bn1magazine.co.uk

WIN CHAMPAGNE AFTERNOON TEA AT THE IVY IN THE LANES

Start your New Year in style with The Ivy In the meantime, did you know The Ivy in
in the Lanes’ Champagne Afternoon Tea. the Lanes have adding special Christmas
The restaurant is offering a lucky pair to cocktails to their menu this season?
win a voucher to enjoy freshly prepared ‘Porto Flip’, ‘Gingerbread Latte’, ‘Roasted
sandwiches, delicious desserts and a Chestnut Julep’ and ‘Mulled Cider’ are
selection of teas and coffees, along with available until Wednesday, 1 January,
a glass of The Ivy Champagne. alongside their ‘Snowball Fight’ dessert.

This afternoon tea package valued at Deadline for entries is 31 December
£28.50 per person is served daily at 2019. Head to www.bn1magazine.co.uk
the restaurant between 3pm and 5pm. to enter now!
The brasserie’s first costal location has
an informal yet sophisticated interior Terms & conditions
featuring Brighton-inspired artwork, The voucher admits a party of two people
all set against a backdrop of leather to have Champagne Afternoon Tea at The
banquettes, a striking onyx bar and Ivy in the Lanes, Brighton only.
pendant lighting. It can be used from 5 Jan 2020 and is
valid for two months until 5 March 2020.
12 bn1magazine.co.uk

Students
get 20% off
CHRISTMAS
Parties at
DONATELLO

WHEN BOOKING FOR MON - WED ONLY
BETWEEN 1ST TO 23RD DECEMBER
CALL 01273 775477 and QUOTE STUDENT
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The smash hit review of the year

THE TREASON SHOW

The Argus The Latest

THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS

27 - 30 December

The Old Ship Hotel Brighton

Meal deal - 2 course dinner & show - £39

Book online WWW.TREASONSHOW.CO.UK

AITCHBN1 CHATS WITH...

BY CHARLOTTE BELDHAM

In the music industry you occasionally get an artist that The rise of underground British grime in recent years has
seems to appear and rise to the top from what feels like paved the way for young artists to make their names heard
nowhere. Aitch is a 19-year-old rapper from Manchester and influenced the sound of music today. Aitch weaves
that seems to have done just that. Whether you’ve heard together bass-heavy, steady beats with catchy vocals,
his voice featured on a fellow artist’s track, or you have making his songs unable to sit still to. A prime example
come across his huge track Taste (make it shake), you are is the hit single Buss Down, which is almost impossible to
likely to have asked yourself – who is Aitch? resist, with its catchy chorus which stays with you all day.
His lyrics add to his personality. The party-boy, ‘ultra-lad’
Rightly so, there has been a lot of hype surrounding the persona shines through in a typical grime style, with his
teenager. His latest EP Aitch20, which was released in thick northern accent very much present.
September of this year, dominated the UK album chart and
reached number three. “Yeah, it’s gone mad! Everyone The young star is hugely proud of his Mancunian
has loved the record.” It has been hugely praised by background. “I do miss Manchester when I’m on tour. I
the media and showcases his talent for putting together obviously miss my family, but I’m here right now so it’s all
catchy beats and sing-able lyrics. Featuring fellow artists good.” Born in New Moston within the city of Manchester,
Mostack, ZieZie, and Steel Banglez, he has clearly he grew up far from the emerging music scene in
concreted himself within the UK ‘rap-sphere’. Along the London. However, he joined a new wave of talent that
way, he has caught the attention of BBC Radio 1’s Annie grew in the north of England and following the release
Mac, 'god of grime' Wiley, and the mighty Stormzy. of his first single Straight Rhymez in 2018 he has never
looked back. As a young ‘Manny’ schoolboy he shocked
14 bn1magazine.co.uk

“ Haha yeah it was “ Chrismas

mental! I just woke `e Big Christmas
up one morning and Singalong!
it was on Instagram.
No one had asked Wed 4 Dec
him to do it or
anything. It was sick. Christmas Concert

kids in the playground with his ability to spit Sun 8 Dec
lyrics and knew from that point it was what
he was destined to do. I asked him where he Tales Around the Tree
would like to be in five years' time. "I’d love
to be the biggest rapper in the UK.” He’s Wed 18–Fri 20 Dec
aiming high. I asked what it was like to see
local legend Robbie Williams lip-syncing the Backstage Tour
words to Aitch's single Taste on social media at Christmas
earlier this year. “Haha yeah it was mental!
I just woke up one morning and it was on Sat 21 Dec
Instagram. No one had asked him to do it or
anything. It was sick.” `e Snowman &
Paddington Bear’s
Aitch appeared alongside rappers Stormzy First Concert (pictured)
and Jaykae on a remix of Ed Sheeran’s track
Take me Back to London earlier this year. Sun 15 Dec
“Ed hit me up on Instagram and asked if
Jaykae and I wanted to be on his song. And Super Sunday
of course, I said yes! I rang up JayKae and
asked, ‘have you heard from Ed?’ Before we 17–27 Dec
knew it, we were filming the music video in
Birmingham.” The global platform Sheeran `e Wizard of Oz
has, and the endorsement which came with
his appearance on the track, made people sit Sat 28–Sun 29 Dec
up and take note of the young rapper.
brightondome.org
He is heading down to Brighton as part of his 01273 709709
massive UK tour, playing Concorde 2 on the
Tue 10 Dec. “It’s exciting! It’s the day after © Snowman Enterprises Limited The Snowman
my birthday so It should be a good show.”
I asked him what it is he loves about the city
of Brighton & Hove. “What a crazy place. We
have seen some mad stuff in Brighton haha.
It always goes off when we play down there.”

Aitch will be at Brighton’s Concorde 2 on
Tue 10 Dec.

MUSIC PREVIEWS

BAND OF SKULLS EMELI SANDÉ AN EVENING WITH MIK ARTISTIK’S
TUE 3 DEC // CONCORDE 2 THURS 5 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME EGO TRIP THURS 5 DEC // KOMEDIA

Celebrating the tenth anniversary of Multi-platinum, award-winning singer- “The best live act I’ve seen all summer.”
their hugely popular debut album, songwriter, Emeli Sandé, is embarking That is how 6Music’s Gideon Coe
Baby Darling Doll Face Honey, this on a UK-wide tour to celebrate the described Mik Artistik’s Ego Trip. And
second UK tour of 2019 for Band of release of her much anticipated third he’s not alone, with celebrity fans of
Skulls will see them play the album live album, Real Life. After the success of the group ranging from Damian Lewis
in its entirety. It is also likely to feature her first two albums, her third may even to Keith Allen, not to mention musical
music from their newly released fifth be her best yet. With a pop-based demigod Lord Iggy of Pop. Described
studio album, the Richard X produced feel, the album also demonstrates on the one hand as a cross between
Love Is All You Love, described influences from reggae, blues, disco punk and comedy, and on the other
by Classic Rock as “prowling pop and gospel. With a further collection as simply indescribable, this Yorkshire
perfection…. the most harmonious of hits to draw upon including huge phenomenon never fail to entertain
clash of muck and melody in recent singles such as Heaven and Next to the crowd, leaving them gasping,
history." Me, this is sure to be a crowd pleaser. laughing, and always wanting more.
Expect the unexpected…

© By Richard DUMAS THE DARKNESS DAWN LANDES
L’ÉPÉE TUES 10 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME TUES 10 DEC // KOMEDIA
SUN 8 DEC // CONCORDE 2
Formed back in 2000 in the sweltering Dawn Landes is a Nashville based
L’Épée, is an exciting new collaboration hotbed of rock and roll that is Lowestoft, singer-songwriter whose music you
built on three legendary backgrounds: The Darkness have long since been might have heard if you watch The
French garage pop and psyche an unapologetically glam, elaborately- Good Wife, House or Gossip Girl.
duo the Limiñanas, star of French onesied feature on the UK’s musical Along with releasing five albums since
and American cinema Emmanuelle landscape, often with their tongues 2005 (and an EP inspired by yé-yé, ‘60s
Seigner, and mercurial man of rock, seemingly lodged firmly in their cheeks. French pop music), she’s a frequent
founder of the Brian Jones Town Their latest tour comes after October’s collaborator with contemporaries such
Massacre, Anton Newcombe. Their bi- release of their 6th studio album, Easter as Sufjan Stevens, Norah Jones and
lingual, border-crossing debut record is Cancelled. Bringing an alternative composer Nico Muhly. Dawn’s 5th
Diabolique, has received rave reviews, message of optimism and inclusivity album Meet Me at the River (Yep Roc)
with comparisons being made to both to combat the stark reality perpetuated was recorded with legendary producer
Serge Gainsbourg and the Velvet by today’s “power-drunk clowns” The Fred Foster (Roy Orbison, Dolly Parton)
Underground. Sultry Gallic cool meets Darkness are here to save us all… and features Bobby Bare, Charlie
Californian rock royalty: I’m in. probably in Spandex. McCoy among others.

16 bn1magazine.co.uk

MUSIC PREVIEWS

© By Fabrice Bourgelle STEALING SHEEP SLAVES
THE COMET IS COMING SAT 7 DEC // CHALK SAT 7 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME
FRI 6 DEC // CONCORDE2
Following the release of their third Looking for a relaxing and quiet
There’s something futuristic and album, Big Wows, in April this year, the evening listening to some gentle
unsettling about The Comet is Coming electro pop trio are back on the road, parlour music? Then stay away from
which is precisely their thunderous and and coming to Chalk this December. the Brighton Dome this Saturday as
enigmatic appeal. Elements of jazz, Described by the band’s record label, the incredibly talented, maniac duo,
electronica, funk and psychedelic Heavenly Recordings, as “heavier, Slaves, are in town, with their unique
rock meld into a crashing explosion harder and weirder” than their previous and unmistakable blend of punk and
of frantic energy that even has this old work, the album is “held together by garage rock. Reverberating vocals
grandpa of a music fan tapping his Emily Lansley’s bass guitar, Luciana and huge riffs have translated into
toes under the desk – that’s practically Mercer’s drum kit, Rebecca Hawley’s both critical and commercial success,
a mosh pit for me. Concorde 2 is the synths, and the trio’s swooning steely and an ever-growing following. High
ideal venue to stage what is sure to be vocal harmonies.” Together with material energy and high quality, these boys
an out of this world show, from one of from their growing back catalogue, this know what they’re doing, and will put
the bands of the moment. should have something to suit all fans. on a show you won’t forget in a hurry.

GHETTS PENELOPE ISLES VETIVER
WEDS 11 DEC // CONCORDE2 WEDS 11 DEC // CHALK SUN 15 DEC // THE BRUNSWICK

Known as a cult figure within the grime Brighton-based quartet Penelope Following the release of Up on High,
scene, and often rhapsodised as one Isles bring their 2019 tour schedule their seventh album, and first since
the genre’s key influencers, Ghetts to a triumphant close in their home 2015, Vetiver are touring the UK this
brings his quick-fire lyrical whirlwind town. After their widely rejoiced debut winter. This includes returning to
to Brighton’s Concorde 2 this album, Until the Tide Creeps In, Brighton & Hove for an intimate show
December. This is part of his biggest released in July, this incredibly hard- at The Brunswick Live, the iconic
headline tour to date, and comes working band have barely stopped. 1930s pub. In something of a rarity,
hot off the heels of his Ivor Novello With tours across the USA and founder Andy Cabic will be taking
nomination for Best Contemporary Europe, they’ve been spreading their to the stage without the rest of the
Song, earned for Black Rose ft. Kojey unique brand of bright and summery band, as he performs tracks from his
Radical, the lead single from 2018’s dreamy guitar pop to anyone that will latest record and highlights from his
critically acclaimed Ghetto Gospel: listen – and they’ve been listening in growing repertoire “the way I heard
The New Testament. their droves. This promises to be a them when I initially wrote them.”
spectacular end to a meteoric year.

bn1magazine.co.uk 17

PIZZAGIRLBN1 CHATS WITH... © by Ross Carrigan

BY CARLY-MAY KAVANAGH

When Liverpool-based singer-songwriter Liam Brown most relaxed and comfortable with music when it's just me in
answered the phone, he had been in the middle of recording the room by myself. I don't like the idea of someone watching
a ‘heavy metal pop-punk riff’. “I was going through a weird me, watching my every move because I’d just overthink it and
angsty phase because I woke up late this morning and thought probably make some bad stuff.”
‘you know what, I need to channel some more Kelly Clarkson’
so I played guitar and screamed down a mic for a bit” is his Brown views his latest album, first timer, as quite rough, but
opening gambit, and possibly the best introduction to Pizzagirl feels like he’ll still enjoy it’s charm. “I've heard it so much now
you could ask for. that it's just flaccid. Like it's become just noise to me, but I like
the idea of it just coming out of this stupid room in Liverpool.”
Though many are quick to put Brown under the label of Despite Pizzagirl being 21, it’s hard to ignore the eighties
‘bedroom pop’, the Pizzagirl experience is more like ‘a weird influences in his music. He said how his mum, a child of the
old wardrobe full of different outfits and styles’. He likes the 80s, loves that era’s sound. He’d hear it on car journeys to
idea of having pop flowing through everything, a Jack of all school, and in the background while he was growing up. “It’s a
trades, master of none approach — something perhaps best good thing to wake up to because it subconsciously seeps into
summed up by his misleading name. “I wasn’t calling myself the writing process, and it’s a good well to draw from because
Pizzagirl because I’m obsessed with pizza – in fact, I feel like the music is so colourful and proud.”
I’ve got a normal, average interest in pizza. It's like an anti-
name, Liam is super boring, so I just wanted to spice it up a Pizzagirl is keen to incorporate other styles into his work,
bit.” It's just a vehicle to be leftfield with. His mum hated it! however: “For my mental wellbeing, if I did the same type of
But he’d noticed where people don't go by their actual name, music every day, I wouldn’t love it. I like cherry picking what
they usually use an abstract moniker as an excuse to be some I like from different styles and making this weird Frankenstein
weird version of themselves. “Nobody would like Liam, he’s mega-baby of pop. I love the 90s and early 00s, and UK
a super boring guy, I hate him! I just sit in my room on the garage. I love how camp and fun it is. I just love the idea of all
computer and if someone paid to see that they'd be pretty these styles having pop roots running through them.”
bored. It's like Stars In Their Eyes - I'm Liam, this ordinary guy,
and I go through this smoky screen and come out as the most Overall, Pizzagirl just wants people to enjoy themselves
exaggerated version of myself.” with his music, and with this album, he hasn’t taken things
too seriously. Take Dennis, the third single from it, which he
Although now signed to Manchester’s Heist or Hit label, Brown describes as “that friendly guy who everyone seems to like.”
still wants to have a DIY approach. Only recently has he sorted He wants people to see it as a fun experience. “The album is
out his band, so it’s still a very ‘introverted’ experience. “I've tongue in cheek, it's not a super concept album or anything
never really written music for anyone. I'm just screaming down too serious. I'm being as transparent with myself as I can be.
a microphone for hours and hours and seeing what sticks.” If I was in denial, not making music that I didn't feel that I was
proud of, then I would feel nervous, but I'm really happy with
He loves female vocals, taking every opportunity to use them the songs and I feel like they're a culmination of all the things
on Pizzagirl songs. The internet has opened a bridge to bring I like in music.”
in singers from around the world. “I don't know if it's to do with
shyness, I just really like the idea of doing it all. I think I'm Pizzagirl’s debut album first timer is out now via Heist or Hit.

18 bn1magazine.co.uk

TOP TIPSUSSTAINFAOBRLAE

CHRISTMAS

Sustainability may not be your first thought in the
festive season, but with the climate emergency,
more and more people are looking to make their
Christmas less wasteful.

For more info about sustainability, peace, global learning There’s no need to sacrifice the Christmas magic,
and the environment, head to Brighton Peace and but by making just a few small swaps, you could
Environment Centre at: www.bpec.org be making a real difference. Here’s a few top tips
on how to spread that festive cheer to our planet.

BY KAHINA BOUHASSANE

THE TREE Can’t think of a gift? Donate to a charitable cause they are
passionate about. Local charities such as Brighton Peace and
Christmas trees may not be the eco friendliest of traditions, Environment Centre do great work, and a donation to a cause
but we don’t have to give up our festive favourites. There will continue to make a difference even after Christmas is over.
are plenty of ways to make having Christmas trees more
sustainable. WRAPPING PAPER

Instead of cutting down a tree for Christmas, consider bringing At Christmas, Brits bin the equivalent of 108 million rolls of
a living one into your home. A living tree can continue to grow, wrapping paper and more than 40 million rolls of sticky tape,
and won’t drop pine needles as it slowly goes brown over the according to a study by GP Batteries.
holiday. After Christmas it can be kept outside in the garden,
ready to be used again next year. Or, switch it out altogether Most wrapping paper has plastic particles in it which means
for a different plant, which can be kept year-round it can’t be recycled.
inside and decorated over Christmas.

Check that your tree is approved by the When it comes to wrapping gifts, Maria in
FSC and Soil Association, making sure The Sound of Music had it right with her
it was grown sustainably. brown paper packages tied up with string.
Untreated brown paper is recyclable,
Artificial trees should be made to and actually may be gentler on the
last as long as possible, and if wallet. It can be found at most post
you’re set on continuing down the offices, craft stores, supermarkets
artificial route, preloved ones can or stationary shops, and tends to be
be bought online. cheaper than regular wrapping paper.
It can be dressed up by adding natural
Brighton & Hove City Council also decorations, like pinecones or holly
offer options for recycling your real or or drawn on to create your own unique
artificial Christmas tree, a list of which wrapping paper.
can be found online.
You could even ditch the paper all together and
GIFTS opt for a fabric option. Tea towels can be wrapped
and knotted around a present, and provide an extra little
One of the biggest sources of waste at Christmas is unwanted gift. Or fabric offcuts could also be used and repurposed.
gifts and the packaging they come in. Buying items that
encourage a more sustainable lifestyle will also have a long- MAKING IT STICK
term impact. A reusable coffee cup or water bottle along with
some Fairtrade organic chocolate could provide a lovely gift. More and more companies these days are offering alternatives
It’s worth thinking about what your friends and family need, as to plastic tape. Biodegradable paper tapes and other eco
useful gifts are less likely to end up in landfill than gimmicks. packing options can be found in local independent store, Pen
to Paper, high street stationary shops or online.
Try buying locally. In Brighton we’re spoilt for choice of
independent shops that you could support. Buying locally Instead of ribbon, you could also use twine. It’s 100%
means less air miles, and opting for items that are handmade
with non-plastic packaging lowers the carbon footprint. biodegradable and will add a cute rustic look to your

Christmas gifts. bn1magazine.co.uk 19

TXMVASGUIDE

BY SIMON LIGHTFOOT

These days the biggest TV event each Christmas is the
always hotly-anticipated advert for a supermarket, along with
the subsequent wake of other shops and companies trying to
emulate their success by throwing big budgets, Hollywood
plotlines, and seemingly nothing to do with their products,
at what is, lest we forget, a 30 second pitch to get us to go
into their shop which we were probably going to visit anyway.
There are however, very often, some programs wedged in
between these inexplicably seismic happenings. Here are the
highlights of this year’s schedule as released thus far.

HOW TO SPEND IT WELL AT WORZEL GUMMIDGE A CHRISTMAS CAROL
CHRISTMAS WITH PHILLIP SCHOFIELD SAT 21 DEC // BBC SUN 22 DEC // BBC
TUES 3 DEC // ITV
Get ready for a healthy dose of nostalgia Charles Dickens’ classic (apparently
This is actually the second episode this Christmas, as the BBC brings it wasn’t written by the Muppets) gets
of three, but worthy of highlighting for 40-year-old classic Worzel Gummidge another adaptation this Christmas, with
anyone struggling to find that perfect back to our screens. An all-star cast the BBC promising an original and
present for a loved one. The ever-young fronts this very different-looking remake, unique interpretation of the Mupp- I
Mr Schofield tests and reviews a range with the always brilliant Mackenzie Crook mean Dickens classic. Written by Peaky
of products to find this year’s must-haves in the lead role, superbly supported Blinders creator Steven Knight, this
and don’t-bothers to help us decide what by India Brown and Thierry Wickens new version offers a dark and haunting
to put under the tree, and which fizz to as Susan and John. The cast is further experience, and is fronted by a stellar
fill our glasses with. Helped by Mrs enhanced by small screen giants, cast including Guy Pearce as Ebenezer
Schofield, members of the public and a Michael Palin, Zoe Wannamaker, Steve Scrooge, Charlotte Riley, Stephen
range of celebrity guests from TV, music Pemberton and Vicki Pepperdine as the Graham and Andy Serkis.
and sport, this festive treat will entertain iconic Aunt Sally.
and instruct in equal measure.

20 bn1magazine.co.uk

GAVIN & STACEY CALL THE MIDWIFE THE SNAIL AND THE WHALE
CHRISTMAS DAY // BBC CHRISTMAS DAY // BBC CHRISTMAS DAY // BBC

Following a nine year wait, this hour- What do the Outer Hebrides, sheep, For fans of Julian Donaldson and Axel
long special of one of the most popular and a bus have in common? They all Scheffler (and let’s be honest, who
and talked about comedies in recent feature heavily (and surprisingly) in this wouldn’t be?), there’s another perfect
years, is surely top of most people’s year’s CTM Special. The islanders suffer gift under the tree this year, with The
Christmas list. Although details of a lack of midwives, so Mother Mildred Snail and the Whale getting brought to
the plot are closely guarded, fans and her team head north to help out, life in this animated gem. A tiny snail
have been assured they won’t be and have to battle the elements and longs to see the world and manages to
disappointed. After a writing schedule bleak conditions to help their patients. do so by hitching a ride on the tail of
that often involved working over Fans are promised a magical and a humpback whale. A perfect vignette
Facetime, creators Ruth Jones and gently comedic adventure, offering of unbridled innocence and joy, with
James Corden were keen to only bring pure escapism, and may even be voices to match in Rob Brydon, Sally
it to the screen if they knew it was right. given the white Christmas that stupid, Hawkins, Cariad Lloyd and Dame
You can also catch up on Netflix boxset. boring real life won’t provide! Diana Rigg.

THE TIGER WHO CAME TO TEA MIMI AND THE MOUNTAIN THE GREAT FESTIVE BAKE-OFF
DATE TBC // C4 DRAGON DATE TBC // BBC DATE TBC // C4

Benedict Cumberbatch, David Oyelowo Based on the popular book by Sir The usual gang of Noel & Co. erect
and the ubiquitous David Walliams head Michael Morpurgo, this animated the Bake-Off tent a couple more time
an all-star cast in voicing an animated children’s Christmas adventure is set to this year. The GCBO welcomes back
adaptation of Judith Kerr’s picture book. be considered a classic, in the same favourite contestants to do battle (in the
Sophie and Mummy are waiting for vein as The Snowman. Introduced by loosest, spongiest sense of the word), to
Daddy to come home. Only, before he Sir Michael himself, this exquisitely be crowned (in the most meaningless
arrives, a tiger walks in and plunders animated production features a classical sense of the word) Christmas Star
the kitchen of all its food – pesky tigers, score from Oscar-winning composer Baker, before Status Quo somewhat
always with the plundering! A timeless Rachel Portman and is based on the inexplicably play Rockin all Over the
classic, it’s being brought to the screen original illustrations by Emily Gravett. A World. The GFBO invites the cast of the
by the team behind The Snowman and shy girl discovers a baby dragon in her brilliant Derry Girls into the tent to try and
The Snowdog. A treat for parents and family woodshed, and embarks upon an out-bake each other to win Star Baker.
children alike. adventure to return it to its mother.

THE TRIAL OF CHRISTINE KEELER
SUN 29 DEC // BBC

The BBC’s six-part drama examines the Profumo affair, the infamous scandal from

the 1960’s, focussing on the woman at the heart of the scandal, brilliantly portrayed

by Sophie Cookson. With a supporting cast including James Norton, Emilia Fox

and Ben Miles, this prestige piece will, according to the BBC, take us “behind the

headlines to tell a human story about the sexual and cultural politics of one of the

most revealing and iconic stories of modern times.” bn1magazine.co.uk 21

BURLESQUE LIFE
WITH SIRONA THORNEYCROFT BY SIMON LIGHTFOOT

Photo © AndrHow did you first become interested in Burlesque? Where do you get your outfits from?
Living in Brighton, I stumbled across a Burlesque show I create my costumes myself. I try to find pieces in charity
in a little underground venue. There was such an array shops and online and then alter them with my limited
of colourful, sparkly, sensual and unique performances. I costume making skills! If there are specific pieces like a
had been belly-dancing for eight years so I spoke to the headdress or item of clothing that I need custom designed,
organiser about performing as a variety act in the future. My then I will work with designers or buy from costume makers.
first gig was for Carolyn Ailsa at Blind Pig, and it snowballed  
from there. I did my first Burlesque routine as a librarian for How do people react when you tell them what you do
a back-to-school-themed show and it was liberating. I kept for a living?
creating more characters, acts, and costumes, and here I Very positive really, people are quite excited to hear what
am six years later with my own burlesque troupe, Foo Foo you get up to as a Burlesque performer. 
Fighters and have over 20 acts.  
  What does a day off look like for you?
For the uninitiated, what happens at the World Burlesque Bed, movie/Netflix/Xbox, baggy tee-shirt, Japanese food,
Games? whiskey and chocolate. Might have the whiskey and
It runs like a burlesque show, the host introduces the chocolate in my bath. Wearing my crown.
performers and they come on and perform their act, but
it’s also a competition. There are four crowns: Has living in Brighton influenced your career
British, Variety, Alternative, and International. in any way?
The competition is spread out over three It catapulted me into the wonderful
days with a closing gala on the fourth.  world of Burlesque for sure. Brighton
  is definitely the town to raise your
What helped you clinch the freak-flag and find your tribe
British Crown? of creatives and weirdos. It
Performing over six years allowed us to create Cabaret
has grown my confidence, Lab, an open-mic for cabaret
stage presence, and acts, where I have been
professionalism. I think able to test a lot of ideas in
the premise was creative front of an audience.
and strong, and people  
enjoyed it. But winning Who do you credit with
was a shock! The act bringing Burlesque into
is something I’ve had the mainstream as much
in the back of my mind as it has?
for a while. It shows I guess Dita Von
behind the scenes of a Teese, everybody in
Burlesque act; getting to the mainstream knows
the venue, unpacking/faffing, of her. I’m sure London
performing, rushing home, Burlesque Festival has been
with an internal monologue of a big influence, along with other
international events globally.
ivttnoheterrcuyrasugitsvclahehmintogthhreooauurlosga,ushbnttsudt.tr,aptBiheneuorwpllaelhetsielqds-untoeinge'aht ittssinedgeaschehwipRsausch  
What does the future look like for
and drinking a can of G&T. Most of us are on our Burlesque, and for you?
own as solo performers with lots of travelling and dragging
heavy suitcases, and I thought it would be fun to share that I'm hoping it stays popular, because it gives
side. people confidence, and it’s a bit of escapism. New sub-
  genres pop up like Nerd-lesque, Gore-lesque, etc., so I
Where’s the best place you’ve visited as a Burlesque don’t think people will get bored of us just yet! As for me,
performer? I'm going to continue to create and perform as much as
Oh, that's a tricky one. Different shows take me on different I can, as well as teach and inspire the next generation of
adventures. Belfast was fun. I did a show in Mansfield and Burlesque dancers.
had a stop-over in Nottingham where I found the oldest
inn in England. But I think my favourite place is Edinburgh What’s your favourite Christmas present that you’ve
Fringe: lots of history, you meet so many amazing, creative bought someone?
people, and if you’re lucky you have time to catch other My fiancé Jack Kristiansen hosts cabaret shows and is
people’s shows. known as the 'Joker of Burlesque.' I found a pair of Batman
and Joker cufflinks which I got irrationally excited about, but
22 bn1magazine.co.uk the wait until he opened them was excruciating!

FILM

DEC RELEASES

6 UNDERGROUND HONEY BOY BLACK CHRISTMAS
FRI 13 DEC // NETFLIX FRI 6 DEC // CINEMA FRI 13 DEC // CINEMA

Comedy superhero, episode-stealing A controversial, and undeniably Not one for the festive spirit? Perhaps
Family Guy guest, and all-round interesting figure, Shia LaBeouf Black Christmas is the film for you. A
likeable hunk Ryan Reynolds leads penned the screenplay based on his remake of the 1974 film of the same
a vigilante group in this Michael Bay own experiences as a young actor name, this mystery horror sees a
directed action thriller. Six people fake trying to reconcile with his father, whilst group of female students stalked by a
their own deaths in order to take down navigating the peaks and often public stranger. The sorority pledges discover
notorious criminals – dare I say, “clean troughs of his rise to stardom. LaBeouf it may be part of a college conspiracy,
up the streets”? The premise and plot takes the unique opportunity to play a and decide to fight back. Ostensibly
may not be groundbreaking, but with version of his own father, battling his a slasher movie, the fact that this
Bay’s practised hand and Reynolds’ demons. The cast also features FKA received a PG-13 rating suggests it
easy charisma behind it, this promises Twigs in her film debut. may not satisfy those with a particular
to tick all the boxes for fans of action- blood lust.
packed escapism.

STAR WARS: THE RISE OF CATS LITTLE WOMEN
SKYWALKER THU 19 DEC // CINEMA FRI 20 DEC // CINEMA BOXING DAY // CINEMA

The Disney-owned Star Wars conveyor This musical fantasy from Academy Forget about the disappointments of
belt continues with its licence to print Award winner Tom Hooper (Les Christmas by treating yourself to a new
money in the umpteenth instalment of Misérables and The King's Speech) version of Louisa May Alcott’s classic.
the now seemingly-eternal film series. is the perfect early Christmas present This enduring coming-of-age drama
Distantly related to those first three for fans of the Andrew Lloyd Webber explores the lives of the March sisters
movies that were so special and unique, musical of the same name. A genuine in the aftermath of the American Civil
this showreel of special effects will no all-star cast includes Sir Ian McKellen, War. Sumptuously shot and boasting the
doubt please younger and less grouchy Idris Elba, Judi Dench, Rebel Wilson talents of an impressive cast including
fans than I, as the Resistance faces the and many others. It follows the Jellicles, multiple Oscar-nominees, this latest
First Order (again!), as a way of showing a tribe of cats, as they make their annual adaptation jumps back and forth in time
off louder, flashier spaceships and decision about which one of them will focussing on the themes involved of four
greenscreen wizardry. I expect there are ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come young women trying to live their lives on
some actors somewhere in there as well. back to a new life. I suspect it’s better their own terms.
than that sentence makes it sound.

THE BN1
CHRISTMAS

QUIZ

BY SIMON LIGHTFOOT

TEST YOUR MATES

CHRISTMAS TRIVIA

Christmas is a time of family, friends and celebration – but also of bonkers traditions, amazing records and far-fetched

myths. Learn some utterly useless trivia and impress absolutely no one with your newfound knowledge, by answering the

questions below. You’re welcome. Merry Christmas!

Q – When were the first Christmas cards produced? As Q – According to Guinness World Records, how tall

a clue, they were commissioned by Sir Henry Cole and was the tallest ever Christmas tree, a Douglas Fir
printed by John Calcott Horsley – I know, it practically erected and decorated at Northgate Shopping Centre,
gives you the answer! in Seattle? Hint: it’s taller than you think!

A – 1843. They featured a family drinking wine. One of A – 67.36 metres! That’s 221 freakin feet!!
Q – According to Facebook, two weeks before
them sold in 2014 for £8,469.
Christmas is one of the two most popular times of the
Q – Who is the demonic figure that wanders the streets year for what to happen?

of Central Europe at Christmas looking to punish A – Couples to break up. A new tradition for the digital
misbehaving children?
age? ‘Tis the season…!
A – Krampus.

Q – According to US scientists, how many houses MUSIC

would Father Christmas have to visit a second to As we know, Simon Cowell, the Darth Vader of the music
deliver all the world’s presents on Christmas Eve? industry, has tried to monopolise (ruin) the competition to
claim the much-coveted Christmas Number 1. But before
A – 822 – whilst travelling at a speed of 650 miles a he sank his greedy claws into Christmas, achieving the
Christmas Number 1 was big news.
second. Thank goodness for scientists, putting long-
pondered questions like this to bed! Q – What year did the UK Charts begin, launching the

Q – It is estimated that 6 million of these are sold in the annual race to claim the cherished No. 1 slot?

UK in the lead up to Christmas. If you haven’t got one, A – 1952.
you’d better go out and buy one! But what is it?

A – A roll of Sellotape.

24 bn1magazine.co.uk

Q – What was the first UK Christmas Number 1? Q – Is eggnog even the slightest bit nice?
A – Here in my Heart, by Al Martino A – No. The answer is no.
Q – Which three acts have had the most UK Christmas
Q – What is the Guinness World Record for the most
Number 1s, with a combined total of 10?
Brussel sprouts eaten in one minute?
A – Beatles: 4, Spice Girls 3, Cliff Richard 3.
Q – Which is the only song to have been Christmas A – 31. Linus Urbanec of Sweden achieved this

Number 1 on three separate occasions? momentous feat on 26 November 2008. To be honest,
31 doesn’t seem that impressive to me. But I bet his
A – Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas? poor dog took the rap for a few odd smells for the rest
Q – In the 67 years of the UK Charts, how many of the day.

Christmas No. 1s contain the word Christmas (or any FILM
derivation of) in the title?
The debate continues as to whether Die Hard is a
A – Seven. Dickie Valentine, Christmas Alphabet Christmas movie or not. I’m officially waging in on the
debate on the side of Yes. (Mainly because otherwise the
(1955), Slade, Merry Xmas Everybody (1973), Mud, first question in this section wouldn’t work in a Christmas-
Lonely This Christmas (1974), Band Aid, Do They themed quiz).
Know It’s Christmas (1984, 1989, 2004), Shakin’
Stevens, Merry Christmas Everyone (1985). Q – Which famous crooner was offered the role of

Q – How many singers were there in the original John McClane in Die Hard, despite being 73 at the time
of casting, before Bruce Willis made it indisputably
Band Aid? his?

A – 37. A – Frank Sinatra! Producers were contractually
Q – What year did musical impresario Mr Blobby bag
obligated to offer it to him after he’d played the
the festive top spot? character in a previous film. Thankfully he declined
the offer. Yippie-Ki-Yay.
A – 1993. His music career inexplicably dried up after
Q – Which hilariously haired, Oompa-Loompa-
that, and the world was denied a follow up smash hit.
coloured, miniscule-handed, bullshit-spouting,
FOOD AND DRINK cartoonish politician and all-round buffoon played a
cameo in Home Alone 2?
Forget the presents, the star of the big day for me is all
the food and drink that gets shoved down my throat. It’s A – Donald Trump.
the one day of the year that you can eat 7000 calories
and not feel guilty and be hammered by the end of Q – In which film does Steve Martin exclaim the
breakfast without your family feeling the need to stage
an intervention. immortal words, “Those aren’t pillows!”

Q – “An invention of the scarlet whore of Babylon, a A – Planes, Trains & Automobiles. If you’ve not seen

hodgepodge of superstition, popery, the devil, and all it, a) WHAT!!? And b) consider this my Christmas
his works.” What classic Christmas staple were the present to you – enjoy 93 minutes of festive perfection.
Quakers so rationally describing here in 1733?
Q – Before he was famous which actor, who went
A – Mince pies! Jeez, I’d hate to see what they’d say
on to star in a classic Christmas movie, worked as a
about my devilled eggs. shopping mall Santa for 5 weeks?

Q – In the Middle Ages, before vegans ruined eating A – Will Ferrell, who of course went on to star as

meat, people enjoyed a boar’s or pig’s head on Buddy in Elf. And his elf at the mall was Chris Katten,
Christmas Day. What was it traditionally smothered his co-star in Ferrell’s breakout movie, A Night at the
in? Roxbury.

A – Mustard. They all had exceptionally clean sinuses. Q – Bonus question: how long was Buddy’s burp in
Q – Dining at what fast food restaurant is a Christmas
Elf ?
tradition in Japan?
A – 12 seconds.
A – KFC – all thanks to a clever marketing campaign
Q – Which Christmas feel good film was the most
in 1974 that promoted fried chicken as a Christmas
meal. rented DVD in the UK in 2004? (DVDs are flat discs
with videos on). (Videos are big cassettes with films
Q – How much beer is consumed in the UK over the on). (Cassettes are- ah, forget it).

Christmas period? (I’ll give you a clue – the units that A – Love Actually.
it’s measured in is Olympic-sized swimming pools!)
Q – Which actor, who later played Father Christmas
A – 57! Cheers!
in three movies, spent over two years in jail for
cocaine possession?

A – Tim Allen. To infinity and beyond.
bn1magazine.co.uk 25

DARE?

TRUTH?

WORDS AND ILLUSTRATION BY MARK DAVIS

I’m not sure why I ever go back to Eastbourne. Sure it’s I wonder where people get their facts in an age when the
pretty enough, when it’s not on fire, but too many of the Government pretend to be a fact-checking service and
residents have cold ugly hearts. I was 21 before I finally create fake websites of opposition parties. The Lib Dems
escaped, and whilst Christmas and birthdays have me seem to be trying to fight fire with flyers, which are equally
visiting the folks, I can usually avoid interacting with the as dodgy in their claims. Facts aren’t a thing for Daren in
blue-bloods of a town with an average age over 70. the reality he is encouraged to exist in.

To be fair, it’s not their fault. The Daily Mail and Express sales What happened to facts. What happened to hope? Is
are strong here and the biggest local disaster to headline Putin’s New World Order of disinformation now the future?
national papers was when their Conservative MP Ian Gow
was assassinated by the Provisional Irish Republican Army Uncharacteristically, I decided to pull back from this
with a 4½-lb Semtex bomb in 1990. So it’s no surprise that escalating ‘debate’ as tribalism ‘Trumps’ reason. Philip
the town is culturally indoctrinated. Bowring, the conservative writer in the South China Morning
Post wrote despairingly of the referendum result in 2016
“Ian was a brave man. And it is brave men and women that Little England was in the thrall of “ignorance, arrogance
who will ensure that democracy triumphs over darkness.” and nostalgia”. And I could see the three horsemen at play
Margaret Thatcher said of her loyal parliamentary private here, so attempted to appeal to Daren’s base.
secretary.
I pointed out that Jo Cox was the first MP to be murdered
Chatting to Daren, a well groomed and well fed since Ian Gow.
‘entrepreneur’ about the aggressive verbal attack aimed
at Richard Burgon on Question Time was a mistake. Rob He didn’t like the connection. I added that in October 1990
"Bullet" Barber claimed he wasn’t in the top 5% of earners Thatcher made a speech starting with a eulogy to her “best
whilst admitting he earned over £80k a year. I pointed out of friends” before talking about Europe: “Our Parliament has
to Daren that according to HMRC £76k pa puts you in the endured for seven hundred years and has been a beacon
top 5%. of hope to the peoples of Europe in their darkest days.
Our aim is to see Europe become the greatest practical
Admittedly, my ‘fact’ wasn’t canvassed for, nor wanted. expression of political and economic liberty the world over.
Daren wanted only to convince himself that the 1.6 million And we will accept nothing less.”
that make up 5% of the 32 million people in work somehow
earned much more than that, and that the national average “And?” Daren replied.
wage isn’t £29,588 per year.
I decided to leave the tax-dodging Caffe Nero. Pointing
The attempt to throw facts at Daren was fruitless. It didn’t out that, as with many lies chucked around by the Leave
matter what economist Yanis Varoufakis and hundreds of campaign, Turkey is not joining the EU, but plenty of
other experts have to say. The British people "have had Turkeys are voting for Christmas this December.
enough of experts,” he parroted from Gove.
The game being played - for Rubles it appears - is Truth
26 bn1magazine.co.uk or Dare(n)… In these post-truth times, Thatcher’s belief
that “democracy triumphs over darkness” seems far too
hopeful.

The Snowman™ © Snowman Enterprises Ltd 2019 The SnowmanTM Spectacular
Appeal 2019

for Chestnut Tree House

Chestnut Tree House – your local
children’s hospice – is a special place
where families spend their days making
precious memories that will last a lifetime.
It costs £35.70 to pay for one hour’s
nursing care for a life-limited child.

Please make a gift this Christmas.
Because, just like The Snowman, your
gift will bring wonderful moments
into a child’s life. Thank you.

To donate online visit:
www.chestnut-tree-house.org.uk/christmas1

Registered charity No 256789

LAUNCHING JAN

PIER NINEENTERTAINMENT HUB

Abold, innovative new entertainment complex is
coming to the heart of Brighton & Hove in January.
Based in the Grosvenor Casinos, Pier Nine
promises to be a spacious 24/7 modern leisure and gaming
destination.

This landmark former Art Deco cinema on Grand Junction
Road, is undergoing a sensitive £5.2 million refurbishment,
with many parts of the building working to honour it’s
past and stunning sea views. Set across three floors. Pier
Nine will include spaces to work or meet with friends and
colleagues, stylish bars, modern eateries, two classic
casinos, a variety of leading-edge competitive socialising
games, as well as a private cinema and karaoke space to
hire. “We’re excited to share our vision for Pier Nine with the
Brighton community and our existing customers,” said Bob
Bowry, General Manager of Grosvenor Casino Brighton.
“Once complete, it will bring a unique social experience to
the city’s vibrant cultural scene.

“This is a major investment in a well-loved building on the sea
front, creating new jobs in the local leisure and entertainment
sector as well as a destination for the changing habits of
those in search of memorable experiences under one roof.”

Open around the clock, the new venue offers a range of
adaptive spaces, in a bold and unique complex – quite
unlike anything else in the UK. Those looking for the thrill
of traditional casino action will find several comfortable and
modern gaming suites, while Pier Nine is getting ready to
offer the best in virtual and retro arcade action. Alongside
this is a selection of brand-new food offerings, to suit any
appetite.

Pier Nine is going to be open to everyone, without the need
for membership fees. Currently on target to be completed
this December, with an official launch in early 2020, the
project is creating 60 jobs and will offer applicants a mixture
of full time and part time roles once complete.

Pier Nine will be at 9 Grand Junction Rd, Brighton, BN1 1PP
www.begambleaware.org

28 bn1magazine.co.uk

LAVA ELASTIC
MAKING THE INVISIBLE VISIBLE

BY LYDIA WILKINS

According to the National Autistic Society (UK), there But what about ‘gigging’ as somebody considered to be
are around 700,000 people on the Autistic spectrum neurodiverse? Was it difficult to do that, in the character
in the United Kingdom. With understanding still of Marianna Harlotta? “The reason I found it hard to gig
being improved - such as the Labour Force Survey only as Harlotta, as much as I would have liked when I was
just beginning to count how many on the spectrum are younger, was that I found the comedy circuit unfriendly to
in employment, following a pledge by Minister Justin someone with all of my anxieties and barriers.” When she
Tomlinson - we ask: how can comedy make the invisible, began on the circuit, it seemed to Saeed like there was
visible? a lack of diversity - complete with an occasional token
female on an all-male line up. Saeed also mentioned
Lava Elastic is a by-monthly comedy and poetry night, how there seemed to occasionally be a mean-spirited,
that takes place at Werks Central, on Brighton’s Middle ‘frat boy’ vibe, which could be scary to somebody on the
Street. The bill comprises a litany of different types of acts spectrum.
- including improv, poetry, stand up, musical songs and
skits. The idea is to provide a safe space, open to all. Lava Elastic began life as a gradual process, an
Founded by one Sarah Saeed, a neurodiverse actress accumulation of ideas. With a background in arts
and performer, it was formed as a response to the need production and stage management, Saeed experienced
for diversity in comedy. burnout, all the while struggling to meet the demands of
the job. While talking to mentors old and new, the idea of a
When asked about the process of setting up Lava Elastic, neurodiverse-friendly comedy night began to take shape.
Saeed says: “Lava Elastic came about… I suppose the The Autism Arts also played a fundamental part in this,
short answer is I’ve been a performer for pretty much she said.
my whole life in one context or another. The impetus was
when I got my diagnosis of Asperger’s in my late 30s. At the beginning of each show, Saeed acts as compare -
So basically, I became aware gradually, that my biggest introducing audience members to a little more about the
problems as a performer when I was younger [was] that I idea of neurodiversity. To her, it is illogical that we have
had very severe anxiety.” a ‘one brain’ mindset - that one type of brain is good,
and any variant - such as Asperger Syndrome, Autism
For years she ‘gigged’ as the operatic alter-ego, Marianna Spectrum Disorder, ADD, ADHD - is deemed an issue.
Harlotta. Complete with a dramatic, swept-up big hair “I have a shorthand for this…” she muses. “All different
do, and a mezzo soprano voice, Saeed found the types of blood are good, so how can there be one type
social side of the comedy circuit quite difficult at times. of brain, by that token?” Lava Elastic represents a kind of
As a response, she would stay in character - a kind of flow, a form of neuro-plasticity; because, if we are allowed
brash, ballsy female character she could use almost to be different and in our own right, who knows what could
as a defence mechanism. Then came the diagnosis of happen.
Asperger Syndrome - and she realised that this had been
the behaviour of a “textbook autistic, shall we say.” At this point in the conversation, we manage to scare a
Waterstones café customer away with our ‘set the world to
“One of my key things has always been comedy.” rights’ topics. Complete with a girlish giggle, Saeed turns
Describing herself as a “massive comedy nerd”, Saeed her attention back to dissecting the topic at hand. There
would spend her time watching live comedy, going to is still work to be done in comedy, but with nights such
shows, and more, by way of topic immersion. It was “just as Lava Elastic, and organisations like the Autism Arts
my thing,” she said, admitting she has something of an Festival, the industry is slowly beginning to change.
encyclopedic knowledge of the topic.
Sarah Saeed and Lava Elastic return to Sweet Werks on
Fri 13 Dec.

bn1magazine.co.uk 29

COMEDY PLANNER

BEN ELTON DESERT ISLAND DICKS, LIVE! WITH THE HORNE SECTION
TUES 3 DEC // WORTHING ASSEMBLY HALL WILLIAM STONE WEDS 4 DEC // KOMEDIA WEDS 4 DEC // THEATRE ROYAL

When most of today’s comedy talent A brilliant twist on a much-loved British After a chart-topping podcast with a
were still in nappies, Ben Elton was institution, Desert Island Dicks is a range of brilliant special guests, this six-
out there – sticking it to Thatcher and podcast looking at the very worst of the headed comedy band are embarking
a nation at odds with itself. Now, a few human experience. Imagine yourself on their first ever national tour. Unruly,
musicals and several novels later, has he on a desert island, with only the most ridiculous and surprisingly satisfying,
calmed down? Not much. awful elements of society and culture to it’s a joyous blend of stupid songs with a
ease your crushing solitude. Previous carnival atmosphere and plenty of puns.
The godfather of what they called castaways have included Abigoliah Expect a mixture of toe-tapping tunes,
‘alternative comedy’ in the 80s, he’s still Schamaun, Jinkx Monsoon, the Scummy exceptional musicality, and 5 talented
trying to make sense of a world which Mummies and Glenn Moore - all opening musicians being made to do silly things
appears to have gone stark raving mad. their personal versions of hell. Now, this by bearded comedian, and creator &
After a 15 year break, a true legend is award nominated podcast appears as star of Taskmaster, Alex Horne. Miss this
returning to the stage. a special live show featuring comedian at your peril.
William Stone.

(C) Mia Mala McDonald
© by Neil MacKenzie Matthews
ADAM KAY JIMMY CARR LIVE AT BRIGHTON DOME
FRI 13 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME WEDS 13 DEC // WORTHING ASSEMBLY HALL SAT 14 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME

A love letter to all those who spend Star of more TV shows than we’ve space Regular as clockwork, Live at Brighton
their festive season on the front line, to name, Jimmy Carr’s epic current tour Dome offers up some of the brightest
Adam Kay’s Twas The Nightshift Before marches on. As you’ve come to expect, comedy talent mankind can muster. Up
Christmas celebrates removing babies he takes the time to find the funny in all top, is the host of BBC2’s smash hit show,
and baubles from the various places they manner of terrible things. These are The Mash Report, and the liveliest thing
get stuck at this most wonderful time of terrible things which might have affected on any panel show you could possibly
the year. Christmas is coming, the goose you or people you know and love. name, Nish Kumar. He’s accompanied
is getting fat... but 1.4 million NHS staff are by the multi award-winning (and truly
heading off to work. Following the million- But they’re just jokes – they are not the unique) comedy legend, Simon Munnery.
selling success of This Is Going To Hurt, actual terrible things. Having political Also jumping onboard, is the brilliant and
Adam Kay delves back into his diaries for correctness at a comedy show is like soaring talent of Fin Taylor, with everything
a hilarious peek behind the blue curtain at having health and safety at a rodeo. hosted by our Sept edition cover star
Christmastime. Angela Barnes

30 bn1magazine.co.uk

COMEDY PLANNER

DANIEL SLOSS THE NOISE NEXT DOOR’S COMEDY LOCK-IN JACK WHITEHALL
FRI 6 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME XMAS SPECIAL SUN 8 DEC // KOMEDIA MON 9 - WEDS 11 DEC BRIGHTON CENTRE

X is the stunning live show from The madcap gang return to Brighton with With two extra shows added, there’s no
Scotland’s internationally acclaimed and a festive version of their celebrated and doubting Whitehall’s star power. This
award-winning Sloss. The star of two utterly inimitable comedy lock-in. After award-winning comedian, actor and
global smash-hit Netflix specials, his two sell-out seasons at the Edinburgh writer follows two completely sell out
ground-breaking new solo show sees Fringe Festival, as well as regular arena tours in 2014 and 2017 with his
him dismantle toxic masculinity and performances around the country, The most hilarious show yet. One of comedy’s
delve deeper into gender politics. In Noise Next Door are fast becoming the most electric talents, he’s a joy to watch on
case you were worried it was all getting a must-see show for comedy fans. This stage and acknowledged as a comedian
little cerebral, there’s still plenty of gross- December sees them welcome special who is firmly on the road to becoming a
out humour to go around. Fast becoming guests Angela Barnes and Rob Deering global megastar. Expect plenty of oddball
one of the world’s biggest comedy stars, as they serve up a comedy Christmas darkness, self-deprecation and a gentle
he’s proving that he can evolve, while still hamper including some-once-in-a- splash of effeminacy from one of British
delighting has long-standing fans. lifetime Christmas comedy curiosities. comedy’s greats.

SLEEP PARALYSIS THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS ’19 COMIC BOOM © by Neil MacKenzie Matthews
SUN 15 DEC // CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK
FRI 27 – MON 30 DEC // THE OLD SHIP HOTEL MON 30 DEC // KOMEDIA

Bringing you the best in Queer ‘Tis the season for all things Treason! It’s not on a Thurs… That’ll catch some
entertainment, Sleep Paralysis’ brings in Brighton’s fastest and fiercest satirical people out. The Komedia’s sell-out
one of the weirdest acts they’ve seen. if show gets revved up for Christmas. Once monthly night of exciting new comedy
you crossed Dale Winton, Courtney Love again, by popular demand, they present takes pride in bringing in the hottest talent.
and a bag of tacky Halloween decorations their annual review of the year. Expect This month, MC Mark Simmons welcomes
you’d get Knockout – a queen who’s appearances from Bonking Boris, Harry & peerless humour from Brighton’s very
style fluctuates as much as her dress Meghan, Obi Wan Corbyn, Yoda Swinson own Angela Barnes. Quite possibly on a
size. Joining her is Winner of King of The and Donald Trump, as well as the usual mission to perform as many hometown
Fringe 2015 Sammy Silver, with plenty of parade of hilarious parody songs. This shows as possible this month, Barnes is
sass, sex and surrealness! Obviously, renowned topical extravaganza has been blisteringly honest and brilliant. She might
no evening is complete without some running for 19 years and has established take on some heavy subjects, but she has
Hollywood glamour, cultist chic, and itself as a local favourite, not least these the skill to make everything funny and
conspiracy theory realness from Fuchsia ‘best-of’ bumper editions. positive.
Von Steel…
bn1magazine.co.uk 31

There was a heated discussion at BN1 about how not an effective piece of satire.” He reveals a distaste
posh Al Murray is. His best-loved character, The for the growing distrust of expert opinion. From political
Pub Landlord, is an enraged and bitter individual. punditry to celebrity dance competitions, conflated
Framed squarely as a ‘Little England’ caricature, he public feeling is taking precedence over experience
roams the stage brandishing a pint and a bewildered and evidence. It’s an understandable consequence of
attitude. He redraws some long-established stereotypes, the desire to democratise everything or let anyone have
along with challenging our notions of class, but has a go. “It’s interesting on these shows when people boo.
courted several misconceptions along the way. “If you There are judges, who are experts, saying: ‘Actually that
look at Wikipedia; you’d assume I was wearing a top hat,” Pasodoble wasn’t very good.’ And you boo them… What
he tells me. “In my family, there’s no one like Jacob Rees- are you actually doing? You’re rejecting expertise, saying
Mogg. There’s no one like Boris Johnson. My dad worked you know better and everyone needs to be nice… In
for British Rail his entire career, basically as a civil servant. an environment where that’s impossible.” He offers that
I’m a comedian. We’re generally downwardly mobile. nothing exists in isolation. Things like this feed into each
We’ve made ourselves less posh.” There are still people other, and reflect a wider attitude across the nation.
on the internet who’d have you believe he’s a remainder
to the Barony of Strange, although Murray asserts he has The Pub Landlord himself has become an unlikely
no idea what that might mean. national institution. Although Murray laughs when the
character’s elevated status is brought up. “It’s very odd.
Legendary rock singer Ian Dury suggested if you’re in I always thought if you stick around long enough, you’ll
show business you’ve exited the traditional systems. become part of the furniture. That’s always been my game
You’re then in arts and crafts, so separate from class. plan!” Some still conclude he genuinely runs a public
“People use it to explain things. Especially politically... house. Although a more mind-bending misconception
If posh people are bad, then by any measure Jeremy is the character provides an outlet for his true feelings.
Corbyn and the people around him are posh. The “That’s kind of amazing, because it credits me with more
generalisation survives reality.” It amazes him that people deviousness and guile than I possess. Why the fucking
obsess over certain details. True or not, information lands hell would you bother? As a way to drive yourself nuts,
on websites, and people believe it offers greater insight that would be the best.”
into someone’s personality. Even having two middle
names can draw judgement. During the 2015 election, Murray ran for Parliament in
South Thanet. Some people believed he was David
The Pub Landlord has championed the British sense of Cameron’s cousin and put up by the former PM to spoil
superiority for 25 years. He was originally conceived to the chances of fellow candidate Nigel Farage. “On a
fill a ten-minute gap in a show, but saw instant success. simple basic factual level, I’m not related to him. What
Archetypes are powerful things in culture, and audiences was interesting, was how that happened so readily.” It
instantly understood what Murray was aiming for. A was a warning sign of what was coming. We live in an
quarter of a century on and the attitudes inspiring this age where facts are invented to fit personal narratives.
misanthropic buffoon are even more visible. “There’s Even sensible people were questioning his electoral
always been British exceptionalism in every walk of life, motives, refusing to believe he was simply having a
on the left and the right. You look at the Brown years, laugh. Rumours circulated saying the BBC had paid him
and he was talking about how we need to lead Europe. to run, or that he was taking orders from the European
You’d be going: ‘Why? What is this obsession with leading Union.
everything?’” Only ten years ago, people suggested the
Pub Landlord material was irrelevant. But in 2019, public “I was told it was unfair on UKIP voters, because I was
figures are espousing similar rhetoric without any sense going to confuse them – by UKIP supporters. I just thought:
of irony. “It’s been there a long time, ticking under in our ‘Honestly, you don’t think much of them, do you?’” It
culture. Some seem innocuous, and some are quite toxic. prompts interesting discussion around democracy. Some
It’s a brilliant time to be doing the act, because THIS is the suggest you shouldn’t stand as a candidate if not entirely
subject. I almost don’t need the character to talk about serious, because it appears disrespectful. Conversely,
it.” Somehow, he’s managed to remain relevant, despite our political system remains open to everyone, but there’s
real-life events threatening to overshadow his gleeful no compulsion to vote for anyone. “If you don’t like it,
absurdity. don’t vote for me,” he says with another chuckle. “It was
a real window into how people think. Some people are
His work has never been a platform to spread a message, determined to believe in conspiracy theories, and very
but more a vehicle for examining attitudes in society. often just can’t take the simplest explanation.”
It’s part of a comic tradition, where terrible things are
presented then deconstructed. “You can’t not run the risk of Al Murray takes Landlord of Hope and Glory to
being misunderstood. Because if you’re not, it’s obviously Worthing’s Assembly Hall on Thurs 5 Dec

32 bn1magazine.co.uk

AL MURRAYBN1CHATSWITH...
BY STUART ROLT

THEATRE GUIDE

(C) Mia Mala McDonaldTHE LADY VANISHES A LITTLE SPACE A CHRISTMAS CAROL
© By Tom Woollard
MON 2 – SAT 7 DEC // EASTBOURNE THEATRE TUE 3 – THU 5 DEC // THE OLD MARKET THURS 12 – MON 30 DEC // THE SPIRE

BAFTA-nominated Gwen Taylor and Two of the UK’s most innovative theatre Tight-fisted, mean spirited Scrooge is in
‘Villain of the Year’ Andrew Lancel companies, Gecko and Mind the Gap, are for the night of his life as Dickens’ classic
reunite in this stage adaptation of Alfred previewing their first co-production. The returns to The Spire this Christmas.
Hitchcock’s The Lady Vanishes by The devised piece explores what happens Following sellout shows in 2015 and
Thriller Theatre Company. When Iris’ when people connect and disconnect 2017, TRUESTORY Theatre returns to
travelling companion disappears, she’s from each other whether through choice get you into the true spirit of Christmas
bewildered to find fellow passengers or through isolation. Drawing on the this December.
deny ever having seen her. With the help performers’ own experiences, a little
of musician Max, she turns detective, space uses imagery, sound, language Join Scrooge as he journeys through
and together they resolve to solve this and physicality to portray the needs, this classic family tale with candles,
mystery. Supported by a cast of British desires and fears of the subject. This carols, mince pies and mulled wine!
small screen royalty, this classic thriller highly original production will grow and Wrap up warm and join the company for
will not disappoint. develop throughout its preview run, some ghostly goings-on.
before touring widely in 2020.

BLOOD BROTHERS SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS INGOLDSBY LEGENDS
TUE 10 – SAT 14 DEC // EASTBOURNE THEATRE FRI 13 - TUE 31 DEC // ROPETACKLE SUN 15 DEC // RIALTO THEATRE

Willy Russell’s legendary musical tells the Following seven sell-out years, LP In 1840, Thomas Ingoldsby inherited a
captivating story of twin boys separated Creatives return this December with trunk full of antique manuscripts detailing
at birth, only to be reunited by a twist the magical tale of Snow White. Magic numerous accounts of saints and
of fate and a mother’s haunting secret. mirrors, seven little men, poisoned apples spectres, monsters and witches, adultery,
Young mother Mrs Johnstone (Lyn Paul, and an enchanted princess all feature in murder and revenge, of possessed wigs
returning to the iconic role for a farewell the classic story. An evil stepmother, no and haunted clocks. They were written
tour) is deserted by her husband and longer the fairest in the land, threatens to in rollicking, rumbustious verse, but don't
left to provide for seven hungry children. put an end to her beautiful stepdaughter be misled, every single word was true.
Taking a job as a housekeeper, she soon but can true love save her? Now the award-winning Foundry Group
discovers she is pregnant with twins, brings the best-loved of these legends
and in a moment of desperation enters All this and the usual mayhem and twists to grisly, ghoulish, hilarious life in this new
a secret pact with her employer leading you expect from a Shoreham panto! Book adaptation by acclaimed playwrights
inexorably to a shattering climax. early for the best seats. Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon, in a
preview performance.
34 bn1magazine.co.uk

THEATRE GUIDE

© by Robin Savage Photography

STICK MAN JACK AND THE BEANSTALK CANDY GIGI: FRIDAY NIGHT SINNER!
THU 5 – SAT 7 DEC // THEATRE ROYAL FRI 6 DEC – SUN 12 JAN // DEVONSHIRE SAT 7 DEC // CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK
PARK THEATRE
What starts off as a morning jog Friday Night Sinner! is a one-woman,
becomes quite the misadventure for From the team behind 2018's Cinderella, horror-comedy musical about a Jewish,
Stick Man: a dog wants to play fetch comes a new production of the classic sexually repressed, newly married
with him, a swan builds a nest with him, fairy tale, and festive favourite, Jack maniac. This deluded, narcissistic,
and he even ends up on a fire! How will and the Beanstalk. Expect live music, unsatisfied and occasionally violent
Stick Man ever get back to the family colourful sets, amazing costumes, woman has delusions of grandeur and
tree? spectacular special effects and plenty wants to become the biggest star in the
of fun and laughter! Join Jack, Dame universe (or at least in Borehamwood)
Based on the bestselling book by Julia Trott, Simple Simon, and Clarabelle and spills her guts out to her guests
Donaldson, and packed full of puppetry the Cow for their thrilling adventure over a highly unconventional Friday
and live music, Stick Man is a touching, filled with magic beans, a castle in the night dinner. There will be twists and
funny and utterly original adaptation that clouds and a walking, talking, very bad- turns, gruesome deaths and comedy at
will delight all ages. tempered giant. This is bound to be... its darkest and most horrifying.
FE-FI-FO-FUN!

© By Pette(rC)HellMiamaMnala McDonald © by Paul Mansfield Photography
© by Neil MacKenzie Matthews
SUPER SUNDAY PRISCILLA QUEEN OF THE DESERT UGG ’N’ OGG AND THE WORLD’S FIRST
TUE 17 - FRI 27 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME TUES 17 DEC – SAT 4 JAN // THEATRE ROYAL DOGG SAT 21 – TUES 24 DEC &
FRI 27 – SUN 29 DEC // KOMEDIA
Breath-taking stunts and dark humour The iconic musical Priscilla Queen of the
at its rawest form. Super Sunday is the Desert is going on tour! Starring Strictly The truly, mind-boggling story of how a
world-renowned hit of pure amazement Come Dancing winner Joe McFadden long, long time ago two hunter-gatherers,
and barely controllable chaos by Finnish and with more glitter than ever! This Ugg and Ogg, palled up with their
circus troupe Race Horse Company. Six smash-hit show features a dazzling array enemies the wolves and together invented
acrobats blaze through scenes of creative of stunning costumes, fabulous feathers man’s best friend, the dog. Join our young
insanity in what seems like an amusement and a non-stop parade of dance-floor heroes and the wolves Tooth ‘n’ Nail on
park for the end of the world – including classics. Based on the Oscar-winning film, their fun-packed comic adventure, and
trampolines, human catapults and a Priscilla is the hilarious adventure of three expect flying meat bones, beat-boxing
wheel of death. Super Sunday follows the friends who hop aboard a battered old wolves, forest infernos, and even a time-
massive success of the company’s show bus to the Outback to put on the show of travelling stick before you get the chance
Petit Mal and has enjoyed international a lifetime. Their journey is a heart-warming to pat the world’s first Dogg. A genuine
success, including a smash-hit run at this story of self-discovery, sassiness and delight, and a Christmas treat for children
year's Edinburgh Fringe. acceptance. and dog-lovers of all ages.

A GUIDE TO COSY
SPOTS THIS WINTER

THE CLEVELAND ARMS THE DOVER CASTLE

CLEVELAND ROAD, BRIGHTON SOUTHOVER STREET, BRIGHTON

The Cleveland Arms, an independent family-run pub A pub infused with Brighton’s bohemian flavour, The Dover
tastefully decorated. Cosy up by the log burner sipping Castle is quirky yet contemporary, filled with striking murals,
mulled wine and Sussex Ales. The kitchen is open every plants and a conservatory. The pub is packed with arm
day. Food is cooked in-house, with produce locally sourced. chairs and sofa seating to ensure comfort and relaxation
Meat is purchased from Barfields and their Sunday roasts during your visit. Their kitchen is fronted by Jason Bear
won the Knorr 2019 Best Sunday Meat Roast. They are to bring a menu inspired by Italian cuisine, including
proud to be part of the Brighton community and have a delicious pastas, paninis and fresh fish and meats. Enjoy
host of free entertainment in December from Christmas top food and drinking with a calming atmosphere. The
Singalongs around the piano to their 1920’s NYE party. The Dover Castle’s Sunday Roast is also served with an Italian
Christmas menu is either two courses for £20.95 or three twist. To read more about their roasts, head to page 42.
courses for £25.95.

TWIN PINES COFFEE

ST. JAMES’ STREET, BRIGHTON

Situated in the heart of Kemptown on the bustling St James’
Street, Twin Pines Coffee is home to experts in coffee. The
independent café is open daily and offers a guest blend on
rotation each month along with their house speciality coffee.
They also sell a range of espressos and filter coffees. All their
food is plant based, the speciality chocolates are curated by
the café and are from various international chocolatiers. The
sweet things are made locally and the Cumberland sausage
rolls (VE) are from Brighton Sausage Company. Seating is
spread across two floors with an elaborate spiral staircase
leading to their cosy seating area with warm lighting.

WOLFOX CHAPTERS WOLFOX CAFÉ

PRESTON STREET , BRIGHTON GARDNER STREET, BRIGHTON

The team at WOLFOX CHAPTERS is passionate about brewing Determined to keep your immune system boosted during
quality coffee and serving nutritious dishes packed with flavour. these colder months, WOLFOX CAFÉ puts your health
They roast organic coffee in-house every day, so customers and happiness first. Their juices and nut milks are made
can watch the roasting process while you drink your fresh cup. on site daily ensuring the freshest, most vibrant health
Open every day from 8am, you can start you day with a carefully drinks possible. They serve cold-pressed juices, health
crafted cup of coffee, fresh juice or smoothie. Brunch is served shots, superfood smoothies and sweet treats with the best
from 8am to 4pm as well as light lunch bites, pastries and cakes. ingredients. WOLFOX also offers advice and packages
WOLFOX CHAPTERS is now available for evening sittings Tue on cleanses to unleash the natural healing power of
to Sat 5pm to 10am, with a menu inspired by the best local the body by eliminating toxins built up from processed
produce and provides for different dietary requirements. The foods, sugars, alcohol and the environment. Their health-
venue also hosts live gigs in the evenings to accompany your conscious menu is a great boost this festive season, also
cocktail or organic wine in their wine bar. They will be open on available to order on Deliveroo until 6pm.
Christmas Day serving brunch and lunch.

Brighton's
Zero Waste
Christmas Market
pZaecrkoagpilnagstic
For tickets go to: www.zerowastegoods.com
4b3rasnudstsainable
Is popping up for one day only,

Sun 15 Dec, 11-6 pm at The Old Market, Hove

Mulled wine and drinks.
Workshops, talks and eco-glitter face painting.
Support sustainable brands and shop green for 2019.
Every ticket holder is entered into a raffle to win prizes.
Profits will go to Surfers Against Sewage to help protect our coastlines.
£5 online - booking recommend for guaranteed entry, more available on-the-door.

bn1magazine.co.uk 37

BARNEY’S DELI If you’re looking to purchase
something special this
KENSINGTON GARDENS, BRIGHTON Christmas, consider shopping
locally around Brighton & Hove.
Championing the local, the artisanal and the It has a positive effect on the
downright tasty since October 2018, Barney’s local economy and is more
Delicatessen is in the bustling North Laine environmentally conscious than
community of independent retailers in Brighton. high street or online. For more
They stock 40 different Sussex cheeses, your information check out the Just
usual cheese shop favourites, local charcuterie A Card campaign on Instagram
from Beal’s Farm amongst many great local @justacard.
and continental food producers. Christmas LSOHCOAPL
hampers and cheeseboards made to order as
well as some wonderful artisan stocking fillers!
Your one-stop shop for food products made by
people who truly care!

HARRY’S SAUSAGES

BRIGHTON OPEN MARKET, BN1 4JU

The Harry’s sausage range is made in thier
traditional way to meet the needs and taste of
the 21st century family. The current collection
not only includes South Downs free range
pork sausages using unique seasoning
blends, but meatballs in tomato sauce, large
oven-baked scotch eggs and unique sausage
cakes and tarts. Harry’s produce is always
freshly made, wholesome, full of flavour and
free from gluten too!

PRESENT IN THE LAINE WASTENOT

GARDNER STREET, BRIGHTON BRIGHTON OPEN MARKET, BN1 4JU

Open for five and half years, Present in the Laine offers Located in The Open Market, Wastenot aim to make
a fantastic selection of colourful and unique products package-free shopping more accessible, and to help the
from small brands providing a point of difference from the people of Brighton make better, more sustainable choices.
high street. The whole shop is full with amazing gift ideas Their zero-waste store has been open for five years selling
– women’s accessories and clothes, men’s gifts, home eco-friendly products perfect for gifts this Christmas. From
accessories, souvenirs, Christmas decorations, cards safety razor sets, to books on how to live more sustainably
and prints. Best sellers this time of year are the scarves, for someone who loves to learn, T-shirts which help to pay
Brighton Beard collection and their colourful Brighton for beach cleans, stainless steel lunch boxes, reusable
souvenir coasters and tea towels by I Drew This. They pint cups, and eco-friendly beauty products for someone
have been hard at work putting together amazing gift sets you’d love to pamper. They also have all kinds of delicious
and gift boxes available on their webshop. Present in the locally made food: handmade truffles, vegan fudge, hot
Laine would encourage shoppers to keep it local this year sauces and chutneys, and flavoured oils.
and enjoy Brighton’s amazing independent scene.

38 bn1magazine.co.uk

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DATRHEKER SIDE OF CHRISTMAS

BY KAHINA BOUHASSANE

The festive season is a time of luxury. Our Christmas afford to sell it at that price.
lists are packed with new clothes, sugary snacks and We must ask the questions: Why is the price so low?
cosmetics so we can relax and indulge after a long How much did they pay to make this? How much do the
year of work or studying. ingredients cost? And, often the answer is not the one we
want to hear.
This ritual is nostalgic and it’s historical. Each year we
repeat our personal Christmas traditions, whatever they Many of the foods we eat today travel long distances
might be, but we rarely stop to think where all this luxury to get to us. As the foods’ journey to us becomes more
comes from. complicated, it also becomes easier to hide less ethical
practices. Ingredients like spices rarely make us pause
In the 1700s, while the British were developing a sweet and question whether they’re home grown, or organic, or
tooth, slaves worked on plantations in the Caribbean to picked by slaves in some far-off country.
provide us with Christmas favourites like sugar, tobacco
and rum. The ships that brought us these products from When we buy our box of Christmas biscuits, we are glad
the Caribbean would go on from Europe to Africa to buy to see that they’re made in Britain, meaning that workers
more slaves and ship them to the plantations to work. were given at least a minimum wage, but we never ask
where the sugar came from, or the flour or even the butter.
Many Brits also owned land in the Caribbean and had Even tomatoes don’t seem to be safe from unethical labour.
their own slaves. When slavery was abolished in the British
Empire in 1833, British slave owners made even more Progress is being made. In 2015 the Modern Slavery Act
money. was passed, making it easier for police to crack down on
human trafficking and modern slavery in the UK. Every
Legacies of British Slave Ownership, a University College year more unethical methods are exposed, paving the way
London (UCL) project, provides an online database of for better systems to come into place.
British slave owners. It shows how these slave owners
were given large sums of money by the British government Companies benefitting from slave labour get shut down.
for releasing their slaves. Even companies who were allegedly treating employees
badly, like Amazon, were publicly shamed to the extent of
On the database, you can look up how much money each having to make a change.
person received. In Brighton, some slave owners received
more than £4000. Nowadays, that’s the equivalent of More than ever before, people care. They care enough to
£480,000. Four hundred and eighty thousand pounds! We make and buy the ethical products that are increasingly
can only imagine the lavish Christmases that must have available online and in local shops. We protest, and
followed these pay-outs. sometimes, we’re heard.

Short of 200 years later, things have changed a lot. As This has been produced in conjunction with The Regency
a nation we’re more conscious about moral and global Town House Heritage Centre in Brunswick Square,
issues. Whether it’s climate change or human rights issues Hove, which is currently conducting research relating to
in Hong Kong, the internet allows people to be more and the Slavery Abolition Act of 1833. If you would like to be
more informed and teaches them to advocate for change. involved please email, [email protected] quoting 'BN1' in
the subject line.
That said, we often forget to ask questions about the food
we eat. When things are discounted or particularly cheap, www.rth.org.uk
we are more likely to pat ourselves on the back for finding
a bargain than to ask ourselves why a supermarket can

40 bn1magazine.co.uk

TBHOEOGKSOOLIDST
PROVIDED BY
CITY
Independent Hove book shop City Books
lists their bestsellers for this month... BOOKS

1 OLIVE, AGAIN BY ELIZABETH STROUT
Elizabeth Strout returns to the spiky and deeply lovable Olive Kit-
teridge in this follow up novel. In the small coastal town of Crosby,
Maine, Olive encounters changes both welcome and unwelcome,
and opens herself to new lessons as she navigates the second half
of her life. Strout is an exceptionally powerful storyteller and Olive,

Again is sure to delight both new fans and old.

2 TWAS THE NIGHTSHIFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS BY
ADAM KAY

Former junior doctor Adam Kay returns with a festive little book in
the vein of his smash hit This Is Going To Hurt. A stocking-sized
selection of anecdotes from Christmases on the hospital wards,
Twas the Nightshift Before Christmas is a 'love letter to all those who
spend their festive season on the front line, removing babies and
baubles from the various places they get stuck, at the most wonder-
ful time of the year.'

3 WHO AM I, AGAIN? BY LENNY HENRY

This memoir from national treasure and beloved comedian Lenny
Henry chronicles his rise to fame, from his first appearance on our
screens aged just 16 years old. Equal parts heart-breaking and
hilarious, this coming-of-age story is filled with Henry's trademark
energy and tackles racism, celebrity and teenage experiences in
1970s Britain.

4 STATION JIM BY LOUIS DE BERNIERES, ILLUSTRATED
BY EMMA CHICHESTER CLARK

A beautifully illustrated book for children from two beloved literary
talents. Jim is a mischevious puppy, found abandoned on a train
before being quickly and lovingly adopted into the Leghorn family.
Station Jim will enchant both children and adults, ages 8 to 80, with
Jim's misadventures accompanied by wonderful illustrations.

5 FESTIVE SPIRITS BY KATE ATKINSON

Another great stocking filler in the form of three short stories from
Life After Life author Kate Atkinson, published for the first time in
book form. £1 of every purchase of this lovely little hardback goes
to the charity Sightsaver.

Brighton and Hove’s Largest and Liveliest Independent Bookshop,
visit www.city-books.co.uk for events and ordering.

43 Southover St, Brighton

BN1 By John Burton

THE DOVER CASTLETRIES...

On a cold damp winter afternoon, what's better than a A first glance at the full servings confirms the walk here
warm, cosy pub? A welcoming and homely local with an was going to have been a good idea, and the walk home
accommodating kitchen run by a chef whose ultimate goal significantly slower. The beef lies in pink folds, hiding a
is that you enjoy your food. Step into the Dover Castle. spread of veg, lapping golden domes of perfect potato,
Shrug off that heavy coat, grab yourself something to turbulent red cabbage with a stuffing island, a truffle and
warm the insides, find a menu, and start tempting your celeriac mash all overshadowed by a towering trefoil
taste buds. After a dreich Sunday hike up the lion's share Yorkie. The pork belly is equally tantalising with that
of Southover Street, you're likely to be out of breath and tricky combo of slow cooked tender meat, and crunchy
definitely ready to get stuck into a restorative, and a full crackling. A side of proper cheesy cauliflower or local pigs
stack of delicious-sounding roasts ticks all the boxes you in blankets with Sardinian pennette will be sure to fill any
could want. stray holes on your plate.

Available roasts include beef, lamb, chicken, pork belly or The potatoes crack open to the fork, steaming and soft
a veggie option, all for £15 or less. Alternatively, a pan- inside crisp chewy shells. That should be all you need
fried halibut is offered. A couple of sides and kids’ options, to know, but in the spirit of enquiry… the other veg was
as well as a comprehensive dessert selection, complete beautifully cooked, full of flavour; the meat just as tasty and
the enticing menu tender as a glance had promised - the crackling especially
hit with a burst of extra flavour. The stuffing is packed with
Once your order is placed with the friendly
staff, the hard work all done, you can relax herbs, and the delicate truffle in the celeriac mash
properly into the subdued, twinkling fug gives a pleasing surprise when it sneaks into
as the sun fades gently from the sky. The your fork. The Yorkshire is bountiful from
star accolade for a cosy winter pub is gravied bottom to crown. Talking of gravy,
'Christmas card perfect' and with warm it is rich and silky and plentiful. All in all,
candlelight, festive sparkles, frosted when Annie appears smiling and asks
(steamed) windows, comfy chairs, and if the food is alright, all mouths are full.
that front room feel, the Dover could In no short order (it seems, though
have reindeer round the back. Stepping actually a fairly continuous slog) full
up at last from the street you are greeted mouths become full stomachs. If a
by warmth and bustle, wooden floors and restorative was required, welcome back
varnished bar, brass taps and enticing to full power.
bottles. There's a dining-ish area busy with a
selection of satisfied customers, groups, families, The Dover's power as a pick-me-up extends
and couples-with-dogs. Opposite, bounded by a magic beyond the weekend with a Monday burger
carpet, is an intimate area of armchairs, settles and small night before settling in to Jason's real passion of Italian
tables for those wanting less of an audience, or somewhere for the rest of the week. A past experience of fine dining
quieter to read a book from the "Smallest Bookshop in restaurants and a skill with flavours, demonstrated by his
Brighton", or a board game. There's more space beyond roast, promises much from the week-time menu. A choice
the bar extending into a brief conservatory and outside (to of traditional favourites, or infamous specials like "Lasagne
the reindeer…), but it's cold. We settle into seats, sup, and Alla Nonna" are sure to bring a cosy Christmas feel to any
soak it all up. dark Wednesday night.

Smiling front of house is just the thing to wake you from Just be careful when you leave. It's easy to stay a while,
reverie, wielding laden plates of gorgeous looking food. dusk become dark, fogged windows actually frosted. Your
centre of balance has likely shifted a bit south too, so easy
42 bn1magazine.co.uk on that hill…

Ask Jess...

TheNutritionist
Jess English, Registered Dietitian

FOOD TO BOOST Not Terry’s Granola -
always reminds me of my fave xmas choc.
THAT WINTER MOOD Makes around 8 servings
Ingredients:
At this time of year it can feel pretty tempting to wrap up,
whack on something binge-worthy and avoid all human 300g oats
contact outside of festive celebrations until Feb ...well, 25g chocolate, chopped into small chunks (If you want
maybe not that excessive, but you catch my drift. a more authentic choc orange experience then go for
milk chocolate)
Whilst I’m totally down with the hibernating amidst 2tbsp golden syrup
chocolate orange wrappers vibe, it doesn’t have to mean 2tbsp rapeseed / veg oil
takeaways every night - trying out a new recipe you’re 2tbsp thick cut marmalade (any will do, this just gives a
excited about each week can help you to look after your nice texture)
health and your pennies over these moody months. Pinch salt
Method:
How can food help your mood? Preheat oven to 180 degrees (adjust accordingly for fan
We all know that getting our 5+ a day is good for our health ovens) and lightly grease a large baking tray (I use ~33 x
- this month it’s time to take advantage of reduced seasonal 23cm size)
staples like parsnips, squash and celeriac. They’re not Gently heat the syrup, oil and marmalade over a low heat in a
just for roasts; try in soups, added in to chilli, seasonal large saucepan until melted together
coleslaw or even make a batch of gnocchi if you’re feeling Take off the heat, stir in the oats and salt and mix until
fancy. Eating 30 different types of plants / week has been thoroughly coated in the marmalade mixture
linked to improved gut health - which in turn is linked to Add mix to baking tray and press down gently with the back
good overall health and mental health. Eating the rainbow of a wooden spoon
of different coloured fruit and veg can be a simple and Bake in centre of oven for 15 minutes (check it at 10 minutes to
affordable way to get that variety in - fresh, tinned and make sure nothing’s burning, ovens can be temperamental!)
frozen all count! Remove from the oven and carefully stir through the chocolate.
Set aside to cool completely before storing in an airtight jar
It’s not just what you eat - how you eat counts (or burn your mouth eating it hot like I do, s’up to you!)
too
Eating regular, fibre-filled meals can help to stabilise your Enjoy with your fave milk and fruit for breakfast or try with
blood sugar - which in turn can balance your energy yoghurt and nuts as a snack. If you want to up the festive
levels and have an impact on your mood. No-one likes the feels you can also add in some dried cranberries and a
hanger, so try to plan in some balanced snacks. sprinkle of cinnamon.

Take a stroll www.levelupnutrition.co.uk
While hours of sunlight are few and far between, why not @levelupnutritionuk
grab some outside time - a walk down to the beach at
lunchtime? Potter to the park? Being outside amongst a bit
of nature can give you a mental boost, plus you won’t feel
like you’ve not seen the sun (even if it’s hiding) for days -
you won’t regret it!

Recipe time
Not feeling the dark mornings? Try out this festive, fibre-
filled granola so that you have a quick, tasty brekkie to
look forward to. The oats will also help you to reach the
recommended 30g fibre / day which can help look after
your gut health and keep you feeling good over winter.

INCTHERRIESSTTMINAGS FACTS

Christmas festivities at the Brighton Palace Pier The humble Christmas cracker was invented in
are always a huge attraction in Brighton, not least 1847 by London confectioner Tom Smith, based
of which are its illuminations. The pier has 67,000 on the design of Parisian bonbons having a twist
lights lit every night (don’t worry, they’re long life at each end of the wrapper. Legend has it, whilst
and energy saving!). Compare that to Blackpool observing his crackling fire at home, he thought it
illuminations which has – oh, 1 million... Yeah, but would be nice if his sweets could open with a crack.
theirs look rubbish compared to ours. Eventually, sweets were replaced with trinkets and
For those who don’t always live in the city and treats (and dreadful jokes). Originally, they were
might not know of it, don’t miss Burning the Clocks! called Bangs of Expectation (good luck getting that
Bringing the whole city together to mark the shortest past the marketing department these days!), before
day of the year (this year, Sunday 22 Dec), the assuming their vastly less misconstruable (definitely
annual event sees people make tissue and willow a word) sobriquet, Crackers.
lanterns of all shapes and sizes (including clocks, There is an oft-quoted rumour that it is illegal to
obvs), and parade them through the city, down to eat a mince pie on Christmas Day. So, truth or
a huge bonfire on Brighton beach. A moving and fiction? It begins in 1644 under the rule of fun-
festive toodle-oo to the year gone by. loving pranksters the Puritans, when chief of
The Christmas Day Swim – members of Brighton frivolity Oliver Cromwell, later to be Lord Protector
Swimming Club (the oldest in the UK, founded in of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland and
1860) in an act of fifty-fifty bravery and insanity, Ireland, and all-round great guy, saw the festival
take to the sea on Christmas morning, cheered of Christmas as wasteful and utterly without
on by a large crowd all cosy and warm in their dry biblical justification, so banned it. In continued
clothes, and some even coiffing champagne, just to determination to rid the nation of decadent excess,
really rub it in! Some swimmers, just to make the the feast of Christmas was itself banned in 1647.
event even more unpleasant for themselves, are in However, it appears that the ban was lifted
Christmas fancy dress! A tradition not to be missed. when Charles II came to the throne. So,
A few miles north of Brighton, in Bolney, Haywards if you were being kept up all night by
Heath, on the first Saturday of January, the tradition whether or not to chance it this year
of Apple Howling takes place. Sounds strange? It’s and scoff a mince pie, rest easy
even stranger. After dark, men with torches parade old friend, and wrap your gums
through the village to a carefully selected apple tree. round one for me. That sounds
A horn is sounded, the men chant the refrain “Here’s wrong. I’ll go now.
to thee, old apple tree; may’st thou bud, may’st thou By Simon Lightfoot
bow,” and they shove a spiced wassail cake into the
tree, before clubbing the trunk with sticks. This is
followed by dancing, shouting and banging drums
in something of a frenzy until a shotgun is fired.
Humans are weird.

If you think of avalanches in the UK, you may
picture the peaks of Snowdonia or the Cairngorms.
However, the deadliest avalanche in the UK actually
occurred in Lewes. During one of the worst winters
ever recorded, in 1836, a large overhang of snow
built up on the sheer side of Cliffe Hill, hanging
precariously over seven workers’ cottages known
as Boulder Row. After a huge storm on Christmas
Eve residents were warned to move out, but
refused. At 10:15 on 27 December the overhang fell
with catastrophic results. It destroyed the cottages,
trapping 15 residents, only seven of who were
saved. In 1840 The Snowdrop Inn opened on the
site of Boulder Row as a commemoration, and still
stands there today.

Mulled

Wine

Recipes

By Simon Lightfoot

The Ancient Romans: greedy land-grabbers, legendary Whack it all in a pan, and warm gently for 20 minutes –
warriors – and Christmas culinary pioneers? So it appears, don’t bring it to the boil, as it will lose the alcohol. Once at
as mulled wine, the Christmas drink of choice for anyone the required temperature, pour it into a jug/glasses and
looking to warm up whilst getting in the festive spirit, was guzzle.
first recorded as being made by the Romans as far back
as the 2nd century. THE MEDIEVAL

What qualifies wine as being mulled? To mull anything is This recipe is taken from The Forme of Cury, an English
simply to add spices and/or sugar, and to heat it up. And cookbook from 1390.
it was that warming of their already popular drink that was Grind together cinnamon, ginger, galangal, cloves, long
the driving force behind its invention. As Roman legions pepper, nutmeg, marjoram, cardamom, and grains of
travelled north into Europe, they wanted something to keep paradise. Mix with red wine and sugar (form and quantity
themselves warm and ready for battle. And as their booze- unstated).
fuelled drunken rampage across Europe* continued, their
love of mulled wine spread throughout the continent, THE ALCOHOLIC
particularly as a winter drink.
The same as The Classic, but after bringing it to
Its popularity grew throughout the middle ages, when temperature, add 2 or 3 measures of Chambord (for a
people believed it had medical properties. They would sweeter taste), gin (floral) or brandy (Christmassy).
also infuse herbs and flowers, as natural sweeteners to
mask the taste of otherwise unpalatable wines. However, THE CHEAT
its popularity eventually waned everywhere but Sweden
where it remained a winter staple. Then, in the 1890s, the Red wine
now-called glögg, became associated with Christmas, A pre-mixed mulled wine spices kit.
with merchants selling their unique recipes in bottles Pour one into the other, and warm and serve as above.
with Christmas motifs, that soon found their way over to
mainland Europe, rekindling the continent’s love affair with THE INSTAGRAM
the now Christmas favourite. And we’ve never looked back.
Any of the above, but stop at every stage to take photos
So, how do you make it? Essentially however you like to at various angles.
meet your own tastes. But if you don’t know where to begin,
below are some basic recipes to get you started. Any of these recipes can be embellished with anything
you like, from a star anise or a bay leaf, to a leftover
THE CLASSIC chicken madras and a tub of Hundreds and Thousands.
The choice is entirely yours (but I wouldn’t recommend
2 bottles of inexpensive red wine. the last two – your intrepid reporter took one for the team
(any wine will do, as the spices will overtake any flavours) and it didn’t pan out).
1 or 2 oranges, depending on size/preference - cut into
wedges, and stuff with cloves. * = As you may have gathered, I’m no history professor,
1 teaspoon of cinnamon. and there’s a chance this claim of inebriated warmongering
1 teaspoon of nutmeg. may be factually incorrect.
2-5 tablespoons of brown sugar - (depending on preference)
bn1magazine.co.uk 45

CROSSWORD WIN CITY BOOKS
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26 27 Books voucher. Good Luck.

28 29

ACROSS DOWN

1 AcRreolasstable (4-2-5) 1 TransferreDdofwronm one vessel to another (8)

7 G1reReenla__ta_b(3le) (4-2-5) 2 Colleague /1weTtrkaonrmsfaer(arendagf)r(o8m) one vessel to another (8)
3 ˜ (5)
9 F7ilmGsretaerrnin_g_C_a(te3)Blanchett (5) 4 Blow up (7)2 Colleague / wet korma (anag) (8)
10 Condition of the lung (9)
11 T9heFbilemst s(6t,a3r)ring Cate Blanchett (5) 5 Put into offic3e a˜g(a5in) (7)

12 1N0ickC(o5n)dition of the lung (9) 6 Farm / mash4edBltooew(aunpag(7) )(9)
7 FThrerqowuesnschyaop5feCsPhu(6rti)sitnmtaoso(6ff)ice again (7)
13 1FG1aivmeTilhtyhe_e_br_ieg_sh(tt4t)(o6(,73)) 8
15
18 1Q2ueNeinc,kfo(r5i)nstance (4) 14 Brand name6(9F)arm / mashed toe (anag) (9)

20 1C3ouGrsieve(7t)he right to (7) 16 Mulled wine7spTichero(8w)s shapes (6)
17 Narcissism (8)
23 1AR5ussnFuaamwmeadiylyntoa_ms_ee_c_(r9e()t4ly)get married (5) 19 Disapprove8ofF(7re) quency of Christmas (6)
24
26 1A8voQcaudeoend,ishfo(r9)instance (4) 20 Current m1om4eBntra(7n)d name (9)

27 2N0ooCdoleusrsoeup(7(5)) 21 Music of J1a6maMicualnleodrigwinin(6e) spice (8)
28 2FC3iorsmtRwpuuonlmsaioawnnat(oy3)sttoeasle(c1r1e)tly 22 Pinpoint (6)
29 get married (52)5 Type of wh1e7at N(5a)rcissism (8)

24 Assumed name (9) 19 Disapprove of (7)

26 Avocado dish (9) 20 Current moment (7)
46 b2n71mNagoaozidnele.cos.oukup (5) CROSSWORD PROVIDED BY THOM: @THOMPUNTONCROSSWORDS (INSTAGRAM)

21 Music of Jamaican origin (6)

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