Dad's euolgy Font 16

It gives me great pleasure on this auspicious occasion to say a
few words on behalf of the family in memory of my father.

The first thing I'd like to do is extend a massive thank you to my
Dad for everything that he gave us; he gave us so much. But
there's one thing that stands head and shoulders above all
others. It's the greatest gift any person can extend to another
human being in their lifetime, and it's the most precious gift any
person can receive. And that is the gift of unconditional love.
As a family, we received that from my father in an unbroken
stream. And for that gift alone we are so incredibly grateful.

There's truly a spiritual quality to that, it's akin to a refuge, but
on a relative, worldly level. I remember one Christmas dinner
many years ago, for some reason we were defining the word
'spiritual', and my Dad said that to him spiritual meant 'always
there'. That was his definition; he was very clear on the point. I
remember being surprised at the time (it wasn't my definition)
but over time I came to understand the significance of that
'always there' quality. It creates such tremendous stability
within the home, it has a permanence to it, it doesn't wax or
wane, it's not sometimes there and sometimes not, it really is
something very special.

On a personal level, I can say that, whatever I did, however
foolish or selfish, I never once felt unloved, unappreciated, or
unsupported by my father. Not once, ever. That's a great
feeling to have, and I owe it to him.

What I've just being saying is all about generosity, undoubtedly
it's ultimate expression. But even on what you might call a
more ordinary level, my Dad was an incredibly generous
person. His natural instinct was never to take things for
himself, but rather to share things with others. He would
always look and check that other people were taken care of
first.

Certainly, the way he took care of us as a family was really
exemplary. To journey through life with him was truly a joy -

unbroken harmony within the home, a rich mix of shared
experiences - whether it was on the golf course, on the beach,
or even just around town - special occasions and wonderful
holidays (particularly at the villa in Spain), coupled with a
stream of thoughtful gifts, treats and surprises. We literally
wanted for nothing.

Generosity's a great quality, and my Dad had it in spades, it
was really built into him. He wasn't selfish in any way, it was
quite remarkable.

Nor was Dad's kindness limited to his family; it extended to
many, many others, particularly through his teaching. I always
thought he was a natural born teacher. In fact I never met
anyone who took greater interest or pleasure in the
development of young people.

He started out in Redditch and then continued here at QEGS,
and then, as is the normal way, as you gain experience,
assume greater responsibilities and move into leadership
positions (as Dad did when he moved to Sheffield) you
inevitably become a bit more removed from the sharp end of
involvement with students. But then when he took early
retirement, the wheel turned full circle for him and he was able
to return to teaching through a part-time position at Silcoates.
He didn't need to do that, he didn't do it for the money, he did it
because he loved teaching. It was an Indian summer for him;
work-wise, along with his 5 years at QEGS, it was probably the
happiest time of his life.

It's literally no exaggeration to say that over the course of his
entire career, he impacted the lives of thousands of students. I
was always struck by how many of his former students wanted
to be remembered to him, and how even parents remembered
the care he had taken when he taught their children. The
sense of gratitude people felt towards him showed itself again
in the many letters of condolence we received at this time. It
was impossible not to feel the heartfelt nature of the sentiments

expressed, there was like a leitmotif which ran through them.
Phrases like 'He was a lovely man, 'He was a wonderful man',
'He was a good man', 'He was a decent man', sentiments like
this from so many people, it was incredible.

They say that when you get older you have the reputation you
deserve. If that's true, then in Dad's case it was a stellar one,
to his tremendous credit.

When I was reflecting on what I wanted to say today, I felt it
was more appropriate to focus on who Dad was as a person,
rather than on his career accomplishments (even though his
accomplishments were many). As part of that, I decided to do
a very modern thing and ask Google. I searched for a list of the
most admired personal qualities and alighted upon a website
called compatibility.com. Now this looked suspiciously like a
dating website - but undaunted, I clicked on it, and sure
enough, behind the link was a word list comprising 355
personal qualities, ranked from most to least desirable, which
by all accounts you can use as a checklist to determine
whether you are likeable or not. It's supposedly quite a famous
list. It was compiled by an American psychologist called
Norman Andersen and it was published in the Journal of Social
Psychology.

Now, this was very useful for me, because I'll only do this once,
I only have one father, and I really didn't want anything to go
unacknowledged. It also struck me, on a light-hearted note,
that Dad might quite like it. He'd like the fact that it was a
published paper; he liked folders and checklists; and he was
always very thorough - when we went on holiday he'd check
the passports and tickets every half an hour.

So I decided to score him against the top 20 qualities on the list
(which I distilled down to 10, because there was some
duplication and overlap in there) to see how he did. I know the
answer, of course, and you probably do too.

1. Number one on the list, was sincere, or sincerity (to which I would add genuine and
authentic). Now, I agree with this being number one, and Dad really embodied this quality.

There was nothing fake or phony about him. He didn't have a public persona and a private
persona, he was the same with everyone regardless. In fact, I think it was this quality of
genuineness which served as a kind of invisible communicator when he was teaching, and is
the reason why he was so admired; his students could feel that he cared, because he did.

2. Number 2 on the list was honesty - words like honest, truthful and trustworthy . Again, Dad
really had this. He didn't have it in him to lie or deceive, he just couldn't do it, under any
circumstance. I always maintained that if Dad found a hundred thousand pounds in used
notes lying in the street, he'd hand it straight in, and he wouldn't even keep £20 for the
trouble. He really could resist temptation, Oscar Wide would have been impressed. I
remember when my parents sold the holiday villa in Spain, Dad was disclosing every last
cracked tile and squeak of the pump in the pool, we thought we'd never sell it.

3. Number 3 was understanding. I've already mentioned this. It's the 'unconditional' in
'unconditional love'. It's basically an acknowledgement that people can make mistakes.
There was always a forgiveness there with Dad; I never saw him hold a grudge against
anyone in his life.

4. Number 4 was Loyal - Well, this was an easy one. He was loyal to both family and friends,
he wasn't a fair-weather friend. But of course the over-aching, shining example of this was
his devotion to my Mum. He poured all his love into her over the course of a 62-years long
golden marriage, which was the 'highlight of the highlights' of his entire life.

5. Number 5 was intelligence. Well, intelligence is nice to have, and Dad had it, but once you
have a certain level, above that it's character that counts, and that's where Dad really shone.
As one person wrote about him: 'He wore his scholarship lightly and was totally
unpretentious'. That's so true.

6. Number 6 was dependable, reliable. Again, my Dad really had this; it's the 'always there'
quality that I talked about earlier. Amazing.

7. Number 7 was open-minded. Now I have to say this one's a little tricky... I wouldn't be in my
top 10, but we can't cheat, so I have to say something. I'm not saying he was closed-minded,
but he could be a little stubborn at times, it has to be said. When they were on holiday in
India, he wouldn't put his hand in the Ganges, for instance, thought the water might be a little
dirty, whereas my Mum was plunging in. But in Dad's defence, it could also have been a
skilful means on his part to give us something that we could tease him about - which of
course we did, mercilessly. The same with his dancing, he was not a Strictly contender
(that's not on the list). But, to get round this little blip, I would replace open-minded with
tough-minded, and Dad was tough-minded, in a good way, because if you're principled and
you've got high standards and you apply them, then you're going to have to be a little tough-
minded, you can't just waver. And Dad really had that quality, he didn't waver.

8. Eighth on the list was Thoughtful and Wise. Wisdom is a very elevated quality, who knows
who's wise and who isn't. Dad simply took responsibility for being the best person he could
be, and it was a great result. His moral compass was true north, but he wasn't moralistic. He
was ethical but not pious. He just had real integrity.

9. Nine was Considerate, including qualities like Warm, Kind and Kind-Hearted. All of those,
obviously, I've covered them already. He really had kindness in him. He had no harm in him
at all.

10. And finally Tenth was Friendly and good-natured Yes. Simple qualities but important
nonetheless. He was friendly, people enjoyed his company, he had a lovely, gentle sense of
humour, he was easy-going, and he just got along with people, and that's a great quality.

So Dad, with a bit of creativity, and minor tweaking of the list
(but nothing too shady) I got you a perfect ten. Which is very
fitting, because that's what you were, you were a perfect ten.

One final point before I conclude. This is a shout out to his two
wonderful grand daughters, Jessica and Lucy. He was a much

loved 'Gramps' to them. When they came along, he was in
clover. It was a case of 'rinse and repeat', he just gave it all
again, and it was beautiful to watch.

My final words are this: Dad, we send all our love to you, and
offer up the biggest thank you for everything you gave us. You
lived your life in an exemplary fashion. You took care of
everything superbly, there's nothing left to do. Just relax in
your original nature and go forward in peace. Remember, it's
upward and onward from here; don't look back.